Now imagine that phrase said by arnold schwarzeneger

@A L Arnold’s Austrian. Big difference.

"They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian, they're not laughing now." - BOB MONKHOUSE

Jokes can kill!

Your one-liner is better than this whole skit

You just made me LOL.

I gasped.

A french border guard speaking english ? That's a good one !

@joachimlubs3256 “Occupation?” “Non, seulement pour visiter” Happy?

😂😂😂

Even if they made a hilarious show, the Germans wouldn't laugh? Totally pointless.

@@tvdinner325 the Germans would continue to rely on outsourced humor until the Russians mistook the _punchline_ as an excuse for physical violence... they have since rescinded their comedy policy and have had to rely on shipments of fart jokes from the United States

@@johng3029 please no fart jokes from america 😪 i want the sweet sweet british humor…more! more!!!

@@Siddich it's the best we have for now, we could have given you some knock-knock jokes but you've put a no soliciting sign on your front door.

That reminds me of the Russians, after the fall of the Soviet Union, outsourcing courtesy by hiring Irish consultants for their tourism board.

As a Dutch friend commented to me when I said we were lazy when it came to languages, 'You don't need to learn another language. But if we want to get on in the world, we have to learn English at least.'

@@janeweedon6335 Yes, I've noticed that the people who tend to be best at learning other languages are the ones who have most need of it because their first language is little spoken outside their own country. The Dutch are one example, Scandinavians another.

It’s not our fault we made the best language

@@mightymorphin9816 You made the best guns and ships...

@@escapedlunatic27 Scots, Welsh and Irish and don't they go on about having to admit its better for them

Gold

Germans like to laugh as much as anyone! It's just Germans laugh once the work is done.

@@sabbracadabra8367 🙄 lol

Really ? Fucking brilliant ?

@@paulhomsy2751 no?

While coach of the Buccaneers John Mckay was asked what he thought of his team’s execution. He said “I’m for it”

I stood up at my cousin's wedding and said, "Plethora," and sat down again. She said, "Thank you, that means a lot."

@@anonygent Sounds like jimmy carr lol

Pundit in the 80s n John Salakos protest at playing a game of football on sunday cos he was religious ,pundit said god wont mind he invented the damn game

He was manager of Coventry when he came out with that, quite a few years before his Celtic job.

Nazi nation__

Und you vill laugh when ve tell you.....!

this

The best thing is, I don't even know if you're joking.

Germans are clearly the kings of DRY humor

Very funny!

“Vee haff vayz ov mekingk yuu tock!” There, I added the accent for you!

Funny thing about the clocks in that store they only strike the hour NEIN NEIN NEIN

@@catra195 Sehr funny!

@@Rick_Sanchez_C137_ On zat note, zis should be of interest: European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by z" and "w" by " v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

I have a feeling not a lot of people got the joke here. (Only 7 of us, so far, as in 12 years later). Supposedly the Jewish people in Poland created the bagel, and yes, there is no better bagel than a Jewish bagel. Considering what the Germans did to the Jewish people, no wonder that you can't find a good bagel in Berlin. Dark joke.

It took me about 10 seconds, but I got the joke

Sp "who's" should be "whose"

@@chrisb8075 Finally somebody noticed that after 12 years!!!!

@@sorellman But you can always visit Poland and try Polish obwarzanek instead ;)

thats a good one

Bob monkhouse

@@tvgcmma9215 Ah, good old Bob. He always wanted to die peacefully in his sleep, like his father did. Not screaming in terror like his father's passengers.

@@zacmumblethunder7466 And Chubby Brown's rip-off of it - I always remember my dad's last words ; "Fuck me a bus" James Corden will by now have used all of these obviously.

That is the most unresolved punchline ever. I’m still wondering if the boy succeeded or failed or if it even mattered. 😳 (Brilliant 😎👍🏼)

Oh, that's really biting - and Williams tipping his hat to the very Great tradition of humour in Jewish culture, miles ahead of anyone else as far as I can see. And I have been avidly reading, watching, and listening to humour for 50+ years.

That's hilarious :)

@@marshwetland3808 And then he offed himself.

@@MumwaldeeWhat's your point?

@@marshwetland3808 That he was talking about Germans killing off funny people but he killed himself?

Underrated humour!😅

@@JLar-bb5hl Underraided.

I heard that joke in Communist Czechoslovakia in the 1970s about the Czech security services. It’s not a German joke per we, it is a joke that existed in every country under Communism in Central and Eastern Europe.

It’s probably Soviet humor because we had something similar in the communist Hungary but could well be from the DDR, too...

We also tell that joke in Portugal, but with the KGB instead… Definitely from the Cold War days. ;) Or maybe it was my aunt, who lived in Warsaw during that time, who personally recounted the joke to my family, because I don’t ever recall listening to it outside of that setting and everyone I know of who I tell it to seems to not know it, so there’s that.

That is Eric Idle

@@mfsw37 but Graham Chapman said the one liner.

💯 Seeing this 1998 clip in 2022, Chapman died nearly a decade before this sit-down interview…. being Jewish, wasn’t expecting to find humor in a Holocaust joke.

He's dead? When did that happen!

He's not dead. I saw him just last week at the grocer's buying cans of Spam.

I suspect that The Goon Show may have been a bridge too far for the other side of the pond.

I fart in your general direction.

Agreed.

Interesting observation, that sounds abt right from my exposure to older comedy. (Higher than average person, lower than a person of the relevant age.)

So does that make _Laugh In_ the Elvis of the comedy world, and Dick Gregory the Robert Johnson?

Well said

Excellent

I can only imagine the absurd amounts of humor needed in ww1 trenches. Or watch blackadder!

Speaking of impotence..... Did you hear about the African-American who wore a tuxedo when he went to get a vasectomy. He said "if I'm going to be impotent, I wanna look impotent". 😁

@@castleanthrax1833 Mo' Money

Good thing you didn't let him take your picture you never would have seen your camera again

…and it’s a pretty good line, besides.

That sort of humour would have been way too subtle for a member of Monty Python. So much for an Oxbridge education and "comedy genius". Monty Python were not half as clever or funny as they thought they were.

As a puntheist I really appreciate that Monty Python do NOT take the "fun" out of "funeral".

But it's still funny!

yeah i think our boy Milo is just defending the video title from the geniuses that heard multiple sentences and wanted the world to know

@@squillen i think they'd be more disappointed if the video was just him saying "tell them we're Jewish" and that's it

If you play these words in the head wiz a ferry schtronng tsch'man axe 'nt, it magically adds up.

You sound like a German.

Eric Idle said in the commentary to Life of Brian, where Brian opens the windows nude, that people could see he was not jewish (foreskin).

@@mikaelbiilmann6826 I didn't get a good look to know.

NEVER EVER SAY HUMOR IS THE MOST UGLY THING IN LIFE

@@mikaelbiilmann6826 So he IS A Roman!

@@AURON2401 Pilate: "A woman??!" Brian: "No, No No. A Roman!" *Whack*

Oscar Wilde was on his way into court when a woman shouted the same thing and Oscar replied as Churchill

@Old Corps Marine But you will still be ugly!!

I am now 78 and I have a new generation of grandkids coming up behind me that I tell of this Winston/Lady Astor one. (...poison in your coffee...)

Or Silent Cal Coolidge’s “You lose.”

@@lorilee698 Are you German?

I just played tennis with him the other day and wiped me good, then again, he didn't have to swing his racket much to beat me.

Honestly he looks a bit burned out.

+The Drunken Coward his skin does sort of look a bit ashy...this is why we moisturize people...

I wonder how much he urns nowadays?

Shannmeister I'm not sure you want to know, the numbers can be a bit jarring.

@@Cody_Cigar Joeseph Snoebbels

Sounds apocryphal.

Consider that the original post was an attempt at humor.

@@blowingfree6928 Probably Werner Finck. He somehow was allowed to continue performing for quite a while before finally being imprisoned for a long term. He survived the war and did more performing. He died in 1978 at age 76. Here are his jokes as given in chapter 6, "Hitler over Bohemia", of the book _On Borrowed Time: How World War II Began_ by Leonard Moseley. Finck would walk on stage, raise his hand in the Nazi salute, and say, "That's how high my dog can jump." When Goering's wife was pregnant, Finck said, "If the baby's a boy, she's going to call it Hamlet. Why? Sein oder nicht sein, das ist die frage." That's the German translation of Hamlet's famous line, "To be or not to be, that is the question." But in German, "sein" can mean "to be" or "his"! 🤣 At the end of his act, he would march to the wings, turn and give the Nazi salute, saying "HEIL...er...er...now what _is_ that fellow's name?" en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Werner_Finck

Rubbish

If you laugh hard at this, then you seriously need to look at your sense of humour, it's not the slightest bit funny

@@markylon as a german i cant understand whats supposed to be funny either

@@markylon Not everyone has the same sense of humor you realize? What sort of humor do you like?

@@knuffelknuffi That someone had the balls to say "Tell them we're Jewish" and it actually worked is what I personally find fucking hilarious. The joke was guilt tripping them with a lie about what was a taboo subject at the time.

@@justaguy2365 you do realize that my comment was a joke?

john cleese was equally subversive

@@Sanddancer1 Cleese and Chapman would work together when writing sketches, so you're not far off.

Graham Chapman was absolutely brilliant ... (from one of the books about the Pythons) John Cleese had written a sketch about not being able to return an obviously faulty toaster to a department store (based on a real experience) and read it to Graham who thought for a moment and said "that's boring, make it a parrot instead." That's the genesis of one of the greatest comedy sketches - the dead parrot sketch. John Cleese did all the work and Graham made it hilarious with just a single thought.

@@Ericwvb2 The 'Graham part' of creative works is typically underappreciated, because it makes the 'grunt world' feel insecure. Few understand the sacrifice of honing excellence for years in order to scarcely deliver it poignantly. Remember the Star Wars editing anecdote. So much work went into making a film and it was shit and then wife re-edited the material and it became great.

@@Ericwvb2 Norwegian blue lol

That was an ad lib? I saw the movie when it came out and I always thought that line was scripted. I laughed so hard.

👍 I bet the Germans did not get it.

Wonderful! That will be the best crack of his life!

+wilfred jones monkhouse?

"When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?"

Amy Schumer

"You can't do this to me, I'm Kirk Douglas's son!"

those naughty nazis

He is marvellous

Not just funny-patient as well. All the patronising Hitler comments he puts up with over the years.

My nephew, as his dear mother’s body was being removed from the house (she had drugged and drank herself to death), said “I don’t want to go on the cart!”

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be!

stuff that..

It takes intelligence and education to do it appropriately though.

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

Alan Alda in a movie said that

@@cartoonking461 So did Lenny Bruce on a tv show...

@@cartoonking461 The movie was called "Hannah and her Sisters." And I believe that Steve Allen said that before both Carol and Alan as Steve was the inspiration for the character that Alan was playing in that movie.

Funny as cancer

Well, if it were any less, it would be a 'zero-liner'. Although Jack Benny did manage some of those!

@@alanr4447a and Tommy Cooper

@Nastro Adhesivo Did you mean "instead OF exclamation marks",?

hahaha

I have never heard that one before...great

Many Hans' make lights work.

How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They simply allow the free market to do the job.

How many Cornishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? None; Cornishmen don't like change!

Some of us also greatly enjoy classic British humour. Fawlty Towers, 'Allo' Allo, Only Fools & Horses... and of course most of what Monty Python cranked out...

You sure you weren't talking to an Austrian? Austrians are like Germans but in color.

@@redrick8900 What about Bavarians. Officialy Germans, but...

@@metallkopf988 9 WAY! that's awesome :)

@@redrick8900 No, they're not. They are nitpicky, arrogant waltz dancers.

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

+Evi1M4chine complicated vocabulary

+chillguysplease Actually, this is a story. That has a punch line.

Well said bro 😎😎😎

British Sovereignty

+Dash - Let me explain a lack of a sense of humor. See Dash's comment.

Robin Williams.

*tears

Robin Williams. Actually he said it very nicely: "Have you ever considered that perhaps you killed all the funny guys?"

Matt Moves it was Robin Williams

Or they immigrated west in the 19th century.

Actually l believe it was Gabriel inglesias. But l ma

I guess native Americans were not funny then so humour luckily survived in the US.

He said it was a question from the audience and after his reply the woman, in a shocked voice, just replied: "NO?!?".

Oh, you're German. I thought there was something wrong with you.

Bullshit. Thats just white guilt

@@callactm14 It's a six year old comment, you little silly guy you.

Warum zensierst Du Dich selbst? Fucking ist nur ein Wort.

You can't fool me, Moriarty. You're no German!

They were about as funny as a dose of crabs

Fair to say they are only funny to the intelligent and well read. One has to have a fairly good knowledge of British and European history and British ways of life to truly appreciate their humor. Sorry for your luck that you fell short, it is really quite brilliant.

Get a dictionary and look up the word pompous

congratulations Sam, you are the upper class twit of the year.

woodkern Why thank you! Thank you very much indeed! To all the struggling twits out there, please, let this be an inspiration to you. It is really for all of you that I do what I do.

I’ll look him up, thnx

@@Calligraphybooster Otto Waalkes is still popular to this very day. I still have his records from way back, and I was even in the audience for one of his shows recorded on a small stage for TV. (It was called "So ein Otto", if I remember correctly.) He was even better when the cameras were not rolling and he went to our individual tables. Great guy.

@@r.4087 Hes knowen but not popular

The german show sucked...

Everybody loves Otto. It's a given. And I'm not even German.

But one German stand-up comic at the Just For Laughs festival (I don't remember his name; this was televised many years ago) said they indeed do have a sense of humor, and then proceeded to prove it. "Joke number one. Take my wife, I command you."

+James Brown witch proves they have one

friday3810 Good point haha

Actually, the heaven part is where the cooks are French and the lovers are Italian. Otherwise, you got it right.

+ Douglas B: I'll go with that. I was trying to sort all the bits out, and those are the two I wasn't sure which way they went.

Left out 1 key ingredient... 'And everyone blames the Americans!' (In BOTH cases!!!)

+ Thrashpondo Pons: LMAO! Outstanding point!

Thanks! I calls 'em likes I sees 'em!

Yes, I was wondering how a one liner could last for a minute 12 seconds.

"Tell them we're Jewish." There ya go.

sardanaphalus . A one liner is a joke in which the joke itself and the punch line are included in one sentence.

Luke William Perhaps it would be better to call it the world's best comeback, but that's really a distinction without a difference. Comeback or one-liner, it's still a damn fine piece of comedy.

Scott Stansell That is a straw man argument. Changing the subject, and pretending you won by refuting an argument I never made. No one is arguing against the quality of the humor, only the mislabeled title of the video.

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

Free Saxon Wow, well done.

@Sug Madick Absolutely. I wish her and Dan were my parents. There would have been less beatings.

@Sug Madick Ha!

this is a better joke than the one in the video.

Excellent!

The irony, A critique from somebody who is in the rare club that share their surname with a famous dictator responsible for murdering even more individuals than Hitler ever did.. Oh, Sorry Mac- Thought you were "Yeah Mao"

This is more of a funny one-liner than the one in the video. By means of being a two-liner instead of a 10-liner.

Yes, they're open until 2000 each day...

5% not funny 95% not a one liner , not funny either

That wasn't a 1 liner either, just a comment. A funny one tho

"Tell them we're Jewish" is sadly not a good one-liner without the full context of the story.

Chapmans line , although "very witty, very, very, witty" and certainly would have made even Oscar Wilde wish he'd been the one to have said it, alas is not a one liner., but a simple, albeit razor sharp, hilariously sarcastic "quip"`.

Say it by itself... neither the video nor the line are one liners.

And I just realized you wrote that 7.... years ago. Holy balls.

Who asked

You appear Vulcan to me 😝

@@ianmackinlay8925 Lenard Nemoy was jewish, but later converted to vulcanism. You know he had to be committed to get his ears circumcised as an adult.

Why would you be offended and what does you being Jewish have to do with the price of bacon?

Hello time travelers commenting 10 years in the future.

@Bruce I would classify the wonderful Bavarians separately from the typical prussian german who really has no sense of humour whatsoever

But if you want a great performing sports car that runs for exactly 5 years, go see them Germans.

@@Carl-LaFong1618 Very fuel efficient too; Berlin to Warsaw in one tank.

@Homeless Home Movies Thanks! But I can't take credit for it; it is a Top Gear joke.

This reminds me of the opening of the musical 1776: "One useless man is called a disgrace. Two are called a law firm. And three or more assemble and become a Congress."

late but they used to hang out on Mustique with The Who and the Stones, there are photos in the Rutland Dirty Weekend Book

A real chap, man.

There was no single person who was "the brains behind Python". The Brits were all previously students at Oxford or Cambridge, which is where they all met, and all participated in writing the show and movies. Gilliam, the American animator, went to Occidental College in LA. Decisions on which material to use were democratic. As for the movies, Jones & Gilliam directed _Holy Grail_ and Jones directed _Life of Brain_ and _Meaning of Life._ Now, if you look at the success of all the Pythons after their last movie, you'd have to say Terry Gilliam has been the most successful having directed _Time Bandits, Brazil, The Fisher King, 12 Monkeys,_ et al.

@@Dowlphin I bet you came up with that in your idle hours

@@hankkingsley9300 I am not Idle when I come up with something.

@@Dowlphin drat you win this round but I'll be back my only response was yo-ho- ho hee hee Eric the half a bee.

+Peter McIver "Tell them we're jewish." was the one line the title refers to. Ofc there had to be an anecdote around it to give it context.

+Peter McIver Oh for God's sake, are you a Kraut by any chance? The ONE LINE is: Tell them we're jewish get it?

+Ledge Buoy Still, this is not what a one-liner is. A one-liner is a complete joke delivered in one line, which this isn't. It's more of a punch-line tho - a funny line at the end of a story.

The Ungodly When they were not allowed entrance and his friend thought that saying "Tell them we're jewish." might change their mind this single line contained a historic reference, since jews used to be the one group of people that ended up there, it was painfully ironic because it showed that they actually were jews trying to enter a concentration camp of all places and pretty macabre and dark since it joked about genocide. In essence to everyone present when it was delivered that one line was an entire joke containing all the information needed in that specific situation. A typical oneliner would be something along the lines of "A baby seal walks into a club." (yes I took the first example wikipedia delivered. sue me xD) and this oneliner basically came down to "A group of jews walk into a concentration camp." but it was delivered in a manner that was appropriate since everyone involved knew where they were and only the information that they were jews was missing. Also the whole thing about this being "a funny line at the end of a story" completely misses the point. John Idle is not delivering the onliner in this story, he's telling people about the time he witnessed someone else deliver it and why it was so funny at that given time.

Jeez! Ledgeboy, WE-GOT-THE-JOKE ok? It was a great story with a cracking punchline but a 'one-liner' is a joke in (guess what) ONE-LINE