I deal with a lot of colorism when I was dating black men in college and I had to accept that I’m not some men’s preference and that’s ok. I now date men who prefer me. My current boyfriend is a black man who prefers dark skin black women. He is Haitian while I’m Black American. I had to open my options and date outside my culture. Now of course black men from other cultures can be colorist but my advice is to vet ALL MEN and date men who prefer women who look like YOU.

Rejection is protection ladies don't forget that. She was fishing for discourse and unfortunately many caught the bait. For generations they were told Becky was taking all the good black men. They get the same black men regardless.

Women need to focus on their OWN preferences.

Loving this discussion…I also really wish more BW would become detached and stop giving more value than necessary to the attention and validation from BM as if they’re the prize or anyone else for the matter. Any form of attention is currency and instead of wasting it on every other group out there for them to turn around and get condescending towards us , we should focus that attention on our group ONLY. Then y’all would see who really run ish. Deep down everyone knows we are the blueprint and therefore we are gatekept the most so that every other group including BM can profit. So we just need to be more selfish and focus on ourselves to change the game being played

Omg thank you for this I get soooo frustrated when I see bw constantly making videos caring who these men date. Calling them “preferences” and all of that but don’t realize they are just putting them more on a pedestal and making them feel superior to us. We as a whole just need to work on healing out hearts and femininity and attracting the right men and not on who someone is dating.

This video was needed🎉. How long have darkskinned women been taking about colorism? (We should still talk about it 😢) and black men STILL havent changed. Black men will do whatever they want no matter how many isms we shout, and as a darkskinned women we have to accept that we are not black mens "preference " and accusing them of isms won't change that. And btw i LOVE your channel 😂❤🎉

Omg i havent even started watching yet i just want to say that im loving the consistency!!

Right! It needs to be about self acceptance and going where you are loved but at the same time we need not idolise another group of men as they are still men.

To be fair, i agree.

Amazing video!! This needed to be said.

6:06 Agreed! 💯

Sis, I do agree with you, however these conversations need to be had, the same way we had it in the workplace. I understand your message is for black women to just focus on themselves and I wholeheartedly agree. However, denying that there is blatant colorism in the entertainment industry, which is then emulated by the average joe, sounds like denying the experience and feelings of many. It is healthy to ask society to question its preferences because many pass actual discrimination for a preference. It’s not being insecure, it is calling out trends and behavior that are hurting the greater society. As I said, the same happened in the workplace in Europe where I grew up. White people were saying they « prefer » to work with other white dudes. That was their preference and they shared similar values and social classes…etc. But we all knew they was more to the story, right? Our society built narrative about dark skinned black women for centuries. We all know colorism is still at play. The game is harder for black women not necessarily because they are insecure, but because they need to find the men that have grown past those stereotypes and fake stories in a way that they will love them for who they are.

My father is slightly lighter than my mother 🤷🏾‍♀️

I love this video sm

When you say that a lot of bw have an inferirority complex, where do you get that from? Earlier in the video, you made a comment about the bw complaining about bm and colorims in relationship to be chronicaly online. Are you taking from this group of people? The stats and studies for American society do show the higher occurence of bm and lighter skinned women. You made a mention of it being just the media. But that is a very important point. The media influences what we do. Associative advertising is a very powerful and dangerous tool. Colorism isnt just about dating preferences. I do agree that bw should stop asking questions like that because they need to stop taking the opinions or desires of these men seriously. They need to realize their worth outside of them. It still doesnt change the fact that many relationships are started on the grounds of colorism despite the many similarities they may find with each other. It may give us a picture into why there are high rates of divorces for these groups of ppl too. You cant build relationships or anything on shaky ground.

Wise reasoning.

True, and I see more dsw married.

In my experience of the UK, a high amount of BM date outside their race including young men and teens. It doesn't bother me as I date who I want, but I wonder how it is for young bw and older who only date BM in the UK outside of certain areas of London and the Midlands. I feel a dsbw has to be very very pretty to get the same compliments her more avg counterparts from other races get. E.g everyone cites the likes of Ryan Destiny as a dsbw beauty, but that is a high standard. Anyway, where I am, I see IR with BM and lots of white grandparents (obvs parents of WW) with mixed children. I rarely see BW with mixed kids. I often see BW with other BW i.e sisters, mothers or friends. I think it's only an issue for those that exclusively BM and therefore centre them and more of a US problem. I think Gen Z and Millenial bw in the UK are not content to sit on the shelf waiting for a BM but there are fewer than bm dating IR. There are black couples obvs esp African. In the end, dsbw will have to open their dating pool if they want to have a partner and aren't experiencing success within. It's just logical.

I agree colorism is ingrained into the minds of both black men and women. But in this scenario. I dont think Black Men center their focus on dating lighter skin women (Only). That's not reality. Not real life.

I agree..

Excellent video !

My dad is light skin and my mum is dark skin. so...

My husband is lighter than me. We are both black. I’m confused about why this is a question 🤦🏿‍♀️

lebron wife is not lightskin.

As a black man the shift came when i change my mindset. 1. Old Mindset; Obessed over the women i find most attractive 2. New Mindset: I prefer the most attractive women, who want me more than want her. That shift in mindset changed the paradigm. Now i focus on women who show extreme interest, who approach me or chase me. An the ones who are my type is the one i go for. Before i was just a mere hunter, going after what looks good, only because she look good an nothing more. Endless myriads of women to choose from. With Ration of diminishing returns. Now its much better. If pretty dark skin slim girls show interest thats what i go for...If only the pretty high yellow slim girls chase me thats who i go for. SHE HAS TO BADLY WANT AND DESIRE FIRST

im black man, my ex wife was 18 when i met her, she is darker skin woman about the same complexion as the girl in one of the pics. How ever she has dreadlocs and she is a dress size 3/4. i do love darker skin women, but doing some introspection when i was a child an older girl took my virginity. This may have some bearing on why i love Dark Skin women today. MOST MEN WHO DONT LIKE DARK SKIN: Were rejected by darker women in their youth. If a man was rejected in junior high and highschool by all dark skin gurls he had a crush on, chances are he is not gonna be so keen to date or even approach darker skin women once he is grown. Emotionally my first intimate Romantic or lustful pleasurable expereinces came from an older dark skin girl. if my first pain and rejections came from them i would not date them. i remember every dark skin girl who approached me and told me i was handsome when i was in junior high and highschool. But i can also say i never been called ugly by other races of women or light skin black girls. The worst treatment and most disrespect and most insulting put downs i have ever received was by dark skin girls. i feel bad for men who never had a dark skin girl show interest in them until he was an adult. he will have too much built up resentment