I'm glad for you! That's the thing Dave doesn't realize, if a couple isn't both good at managing their money, it's a bad idea to combine finances. My partner was like that, but eventually got better and more responsible as we got older and now it's all combined, although we do have separate banks the money is basically pulled from either account since it doesn't matter.

Yes! Well said. This is what I was thinking. I hope this is the case and her husband is not vicious. Well done to you for being humble and changing for the better!

I agree.

While I understand the concepts you are saying. Dave would argue that you wouldn’t start a relationship without figuring out those details and getting on the same page first. I’m not saying that waiting to discuss that is the wrong way. You’re just leaving a bump in the road for later that you could have already decided. My spouse and I openly talked about financial goals before we ever got connected. Dating is more than just becoming aware of one another. It’s a trial to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Are the things that don’t work things that can be worked on. A lot of people don’t use dating properly and don’t answer the questions along the way. This all sounds very judge mental from me. I don’t mean it to come out as a judgement, more a general statement for young couples to be aware of.

@michaelgraham8191 Congratulations, good for you.

American Feminized Jesus only cares about the perfect woman's point of view.

yes

@@doctorposting😂

No you're not bro lol

Yeah, what she left out is that he is financially abusing her, and there is no reason for him to not pay off her student loans and a few credit cards.

smart man

And that how it should be

My wife volunteered to have separate accounts. Win for me 😅

It always the less earner ask for combining finances 😂

​@@DatBoiLuiat least you help her and her boyfriend buy groceries

I was thinking the same thing 🤔 why should her husband have to pay for credit cards 💳 and loans she took out?? She gets herself in over 70k of student loan debt and then becomes a stay at home mom??

If it was a man calling in with this exact same situation, that’s exactly what Dave would be telling them. They put the kid gloves on for women on this show and it gets tiring after a while

I agree, more women need to take an honest look at their lives before incurring all of this debt. If you want to stay home when the babies come, you won’t be earning nearly enough to pay off thousands in student loans as you would if you plan to work a career for a long time. It makes no sense racking up that much debt just to not be working less than 10 years after graduation.

Right-but they made the decision together that she should stay at home and take care of the kids. So if she’s going to sacrifice the hard work, time, and money she put into that degree to stay at home and take care of THEIR children, he should facilitate that. You know what I mean?

You’re a Neanderthal! The babies won’t always be small. Let me remind you Sean, married Men are wealthier and LIVE longer. It’s a team, not an us vs them, and children of educated women are better on all fronts! You’re just ignorant

Sooooo your wife had a spending problem and then went on disability and you dumped her instead of trying to help? 🤔

@@bc_usayou still don’t understand simp

Don’t let ppl guilt u into stay just because there disabled . Doesn’t sound like she help u

@@bc_usa EXACTLY! I was married to her for 18 years. I was young when I got married and we lived with my grandmother for 3 years to get our lives going. She dropped out of school 3 times and changed jobs 10 times. While I finished my school and only had 3 jobs during the 18 years. Her debt became unbearable (car repoed 2x, credit card debt, utility debt and ect……). She filed for bankruptcy and still went into debt years later. So I decided I had to separate our finances but then I collection agency started calling me. Then she got hurt and I decided to go on permanent disability. That is when I picked up and left. Today I am debt free (minus the student loan) and very happy! 😀 there is no way you can help people who lives in debt carefree.

@@jborrego2406 yes! People don’t know what others go through. I would have a mental breakdown if I didn’t leave.

Exactly. Then she later let’s it slip that they share a joint account. The husband isn’t the problem here.

I noticed that too. Dave loves to blame the man while she can start businesses, etc. She is using their refund to pay her debts!

They could have filed married but separately. Highly likely as she has student loans and is likely on an income driven payment plan to keep payments lower.

@@RalstigRacing Seems unlikely. She definitely said "our tax return", not "my tax return" and based on what she said, her income is only ~$9000/year, so there's no way she got a $4000 refund filing separately.

@@BrianW211 You wrote: "...so there's no way she got a $4000 refund filing separately." Well, yeah it's possible, improbable, yes, but not impossible. Since she is self-employed, she would make quarterly payments to the IRS. If she paid too much money, she'd get the excess back at tax time. Paying an extra $333 a month would have her overpaid by $4k.

Right but if she made him be a stay at home dad, or made him pay for daycare so she could work and pay her loans they may be in a similar situation, or he would call in complaining. Who knows the whole situation either. Maybe they have a huge mortgage, car loans, etc (which they may need to downsize). At the end of the day after all bills are paid maybe they both have the same disposable income. My wife is a stay at home mom, and I paid her student loans off (thankfully it was no where near $80k). She may not be contributing much now financially but once the kids are older she will be. It's what is best for the family.

But if he knew about all of the debt and still married her then that's on him. He could be on the sidelines and have this tense marriage or be on the same team. I personally wouldn't marry a woman if they had more than $10k debt no matter how attracted I am to them.

Terrible take.

It's got everything to do with the long game some of these ladies think that they are playing. Once their debt is clear, often times the next step is divorce, for the cash and prizes (House, half the assets, child support, and alimony).

My husband and I had debt before we married. We discussed it and budgeted to get it paid off in the first year of our marriage. After that we budgeted for a down payment on a house. I surrendered the finances to my husband early in our marriage because I suck at managing money. We discuss what we spend, large and small purchases, and I have learned a lot by watching how he manages our budget.

I’ve seen this work as well. But it wouldn’t work for me. If someone is so bad with money and not controlling impulses to the point where we can’t save for a house, that would probably be a deal breaker for me

He sounds arrogant. Call girls make money

In situations like that if the husband says we need to control our spending and she doesn't, there are way bigger issues in the marriage. That just means she doesn't respect anything he says and I guarantee it carries to more than money. They should probably seek councinling.

That is terrible. I grew up seeing that behavior in married couples my parents knew. We combined income into a new bank account in the beginning and my husband had us keep the accounts we had before we married. We put each other on as signers, and he deposits into my account (I am stay at home wife/mom). We refer to these as our "me accounts" and they are designated for "stupid stuff." Over time, they have become extra emergency fund accounts because we are really good about discussing big and "stupid stuff" purchases, and we do not carry debt outside of our mortgage. I do not buy expensive clothes, go for spa treatments, or have my toe/finger nails done. I started cutting my own hair years ago. Because I see how hard my husband works to support us, I do my level best to spend wisely. 😉

@@user-mv9tt4st9knot all wives are as considerate as you are. That’s why it’s too each it’s own

HAHAHAHA. You’re basically saying don’t marry a woman with a college degree within the past 10 years or with a car payment. Doesn’t make any sense. Good luck with that. There’s no way that if that call happened Dave would not ask the same questions about finances being combined…. Just asinine to suggest not to marry someone with debt. Unless they’re a permanent stay at home mother.

@@joshuaevans6065Lml pay as you go and try community college or state or city college …… how much debt did you marry 😂or owe

Changed the first sentence, but agree with the rest. Don't marry a woman that isn't actively working on her loans. Cuz that behavior won't change after.

@@joshuaevans6065The conversation would have definitely been diffeerent. It would go more along the lines of him needing to contribute and work full time

Correct !

He does he pays ALL THE BILLS, weren't you listening? She only is responsible for her student loans she took out and HER credit card debt that she racked up She is a qualified PTA and can go get a JOB

​@@jt411and THEIR toddlers and the upkeep of THEIR house all day. She already has a full time job at home, which facilitates the husband to be able to go out and make 240k while she officially earns zero. He needs to share his paycheck!!!

​@@jt411if she had the time...maybe when the kids are older? But now she is stuck taking care of those kids so she can't just go out and get a job as a pta- unless they agree to childcare with someone else

She should have handled her debt before agreeing to have children. End of discussion.

I am not convinced that the caller presented her situation accurately. I mean, she was too passive and evasive when it came to whether or not she had, or was willing to, talk with him about it. I would have asked her to clarify, e.g., "Did you rack up this student loan debt before you were married? Or did you sell your husband on the idea of paying 70 grand for your education with the promise that you would make it back as a therapist by scheduling your career around your children?"

Excuse me? She's taking care of 3 kids under 2!! What would that cost him if she were to die? He can jolly well pay her student debt. It's WE. It's OUR debt.

@@suen5006 Hell no. When she took on the debt what was the plan for getting it paid back, get married and hope the husband pays for it?!

“No one has any idea.” Yeah you don’t either. Just assuming she’s a woman and will blow all the money away. Not how marriage should work. Trust is key. And if there’s issues with the money he can see the account too. Have a conversation. To not help your wife out when you make 5 times the median wage in America while she does the most important job in the world, taking care of three toddler is silly to me.

@@joshuaevans6065 "assume she was a woman and will blow the money away" -- you may assume they they didn't say it.

​@@joshuaevans6065if you look at who holds the debt in the family, she does and he doesn't. So one can speculate. A solid assumption that can be made is that he is good with his finances.

@@joshuaevans6065you have no idea the convos they have. The fact that she has credit card debt when she has access to their joint account says there is something deeper. Deceit, lies, he probably can’t trust her. But you only heard one side of the story

@@joshuaevans6065 - The simple question I never heard answered was this: "What was being purchased with those credit cards?" Given that their finances are separate, those cards are not the husband's, thus none of the expenditures on those cards are the husband's. If basic necessities to support the household are being purchased, then that should be a shared expense (including fuel purchases for vehicles). If it's for non-essential items, then the question becomes: are there sufficient controls on frivolous spending? For example, if my wife suddenly rang up $2000 on her Kohl's card and it was just "because everything was on sale", I'd hand her the bill every month and expect her to pay it. Granted, that doesn't happen because we both talk through big purchases before acting on them. If it did happen, however, I would be loathe to contribute money to it since it would be feeding a potentially dangerous spending habit.

Tbh the husband has no obligation to take care of the student loans. Does he even want her to be a stay at home mom. Dave is so quick to persecute the man in all these situations

@@journeytothevoid2899 biblically when you get married your debt because your spouse debt and vice versa.

​@journeytothevoid2899 after they're married it becomes their debt. That is, if you actually take your marriage vows seriously.

It’s interesting to whom the men who say this. It’s a pattern of who don’t want to take care of their wife. They should never get married.

@@SnifferSock Yeah it's pretty convenient since the men are 90% of the time the breadwinners in the relationship. They're the ones who always have to shell out the dough lol

Nope! Dave will say he needs a job.

Truthfully, men and women are not judged the same way, so yes the man should be working because what excuse does he have unless he is disabled in some way, a woman usually is the one who takes care of the children at home, because that's part of their nature

@@kenndavid7172most women work so no excuses. its 2023 not 1954. dont be a simp.

@@mattiaslp9645 he’s definitely White knighting.

💯 Dave will say to the home dad: get a real job! Lol

Yeah bro but he signed up for this mess. He clearly married her for the looks only 😂

And of course Jimmy blindly opines on matter which he has no clue about.

In this case, Dave is right. He is in a marriage, take care of your family

Yes as he should.

@@oneupper7602 He is. He's paying the bills. All she has to pay is her debt.

It's a great time to be a man isn't it?

stay at home "food" photographer lol

Haha tell me about it

😮 I agree. She should have discussed this problem with her husband first. Reading many comments here, the future seems dark for many American men. 😢

She's not sitting at home eating bonbons. She is home physically taking care of everyone and everything. He could help pay for childcare, maid service, and a cook so she can go back to work and pay off her student loans.

Why would you, he or anyone feel less than because you earn a lot less when traditionally it’s the man’s role to provide?🙄.. this is the norm

I was thinking the same thing. Her story just didn’t make sense. She’s a stay at home mom but her husband expects her to pay $80k in student loans plus credit card debt on her own? I’m not buying such a story when only hearing one side of the story. I had an ex that went around telling stories like that, playing the victim to manipulate and get attention from others.

​@@MountainhippiedudeIt makes sense if finances aren't combined.

@@KlearChristal, yet she let it slip that they share a joint account.

Imagine her complaining to her brunch friends 😅

Or she’s given him a reason not to. We don’t know his sideb

OR... maybe she's a compulsive spender with a 6 figure student loan debt... 🤷‍♂

Exactly... And, there sure are some bitter dudes out there

You'll get told u need to go out there and get 3 jobs to pay off your own loans

LMAO‼️🤣 EXACTLY‼️

Exactly. My husband and I talked out a lot of issues, including the debts we would be bringing into the marriage (paid off within the first year and a half), children, etc. He had a five year plan to save a down payment for a house--it took a little longer because we decided I would stay home with our son. We discuss often, especially large purchases, what we refer to as "planning our life" and we revise our plans when necessary.

​@user-dj8ot7di3yYES. I agree with you about having blind spots. Most of my accountability friends married and moved out of state; it is a good thing that my husband is there to prod me about my blind spots. 😂😂

Many people are passengers in their own life. They make the easiest decision in any given situation which it’s usually to do nothing. Most callers have emerged even created budget and don’t even know where their money is going…

There is a reason why it's called big decisions they have always been difficult

She added her own stress lol what would she do if she wasn’t married

@@9doggie12 If she wasn't married she probably wouldn't have kids and would have time to pay off the loans...

@@AlyssaTaylor9 most children are born out of wedlock and she would be paying ALL her bills not just the student loan lol he pays ALL the bills. She chose to not work and find a work from home job taking pictures of food. She has a doctorate and gave up working because her husband paid all the bills.

@@9doggie12 We're not talking about "most children" though (and even that's not true), we're talking about the children she has with her husband. They wouldn't exist if it wasn't for their marriage. If she had ended up a single mom she would've had to make it work obviously, but she didn't... she's married. On the other side, if he's unwilling to pay his spouse's debt he shouldn't have had multiple children with someone who had debt and would be unable to pay it while doing ALL of the childcare? If he was a single dad he'd probably be paying $3,000/month just on daycare. Multiple years of that is more than $80,000.

​@@9doggie12These children AREN'T out of wedlock. Keep up

Just 99%

Dave would never have that conversation. I agree with a lot of what Dave has to say on finances, but none of his White Knight ideology.

@@TerryJohnson757 Dave has never felt the sting of a divorce attorney/Judge telling him to stroke a check for half of his net worth! If he did, his tune would change in a nano second.

SIMPle Dave don't want to have that talk, because that happens more often than not. Don't marry a depreciating asset with debt, that's the lesson here.

Young Guys: WAIT!!!!

Look at her track record she ran up over 70k, when she didn't even have an income. Her husband pays all the bills. Food, housing,transportation. She would probably spend and waste the money if they combined accounts. The fact that she has 4k credit card debt means she spends more than she makes. Some people are just bad with money. Tax bracket 😂 she would waste more than they got back from taxes😅

@@TheSilvertrigger Tax filing status has nothing to do with how they handle their finances/debt. It "sounds" like they file separately because she said "I'm getting $4k back." The way the tax filing status brackets are structured, if they're filing as "Married Filing Separately" they're both paying more federal tax than they would if they filed "Married Filing Jointly." Just sayin'...

Except for those elderly receiving SSI. If retired or elderly people marry, one of them loses a part or all of their social security income.

@@matthewwallace9280 she's bad with money she will spend way more than she could get back in taxes

No, actually they are not.

Then you have a rational conversation about it. If you do not trust your wife with your finances, when she’s taking care of your three children, there’s already issues. There’s no trust, whether it’s validated reasoning or not. If you can’t trust someone with something as simple money, they shouldn’t watch over your three children. You make a quarter million dollars, file a divorce and pay for a baby sitter.

@@joshuaevans6065 It is hard to have a rational conversation when you know a single side of the story and already act like you know everything that is going on in their life. Whose fault it is she called Dave Ramsey instead of trying to talk like a normal human?

@@joshuaevans6065you make it sound a lot easier than it is. If he can’t trust her with money that doesn’t equate trust with kids. And then you jump to the conclusion of divorce. So now he is paying child support, alimony, and likely will lose custody of his kids. How is that better than this situation?

​@@joshuaevans6065we are all speculating... I know of someone who buys and hides things from her husband. I'm guessing talking didn't work for him. Talk works for some, doesn't work for others... Who am I to judge....

@@joshuaevans6065 The issue is deeper. We don't know why they have divided things up in this way. Maybe their finances are set up in a way for a certain reason. The show never went beyond some basic surface level of how money is spent. Didn't even mention how much she had in student loans(Nvm, had to listen 3 times to catch Dave talking over the 80k). There's also a big difference between trusting a spouse with ALL finances and trusting/not trusting on certain things. Just because someone can shove food in a child's mouth 3 times a day does not mean that they can be responsible with large sums of money. That's why many marriages split responsibilities (competency).

Coz instead of working and paying back the debt, she is wiping their kids butts and ironing his shirts so he can look good at work. Does he have any pressure to hurry to daycare at 6pm? No, thanks to her.

@@solc.2318 The working model where wife is homemaker and husband is breadwinner is problematic. Men should avoid women who want to be housewives and women should lo be financially independent before thinking about marriage. Only in rare circumstances should this home maker-bread winner model. I would reiterate that finances should never be combined. This step only benefits the partner(and divorce attorney of the partner) who makes least financial contributions. Marriage is all about love. Finance has no business in it.

Because she’s watching their children and cooking his meals? Marriage isn’t about money, so you should have no problem sharing your money.

This husband is NOT abusing her.

So expecting her to be a grownup and fix her mess is abuse?

@@qb4428i assume youre not married lmfao

I think she’s capp’n 🧢 She should know better not to have any debt going into a marriage.

@@r.soclosereality is most ppl carry debt into their marriage, but the weird part is the fact they have kids together and somehow years later she has credit card debt. Something aint adding up.

@r.soclose most people have debt and will go into further debt when in a relationship. it's not a perfect world like how you see it. when you marry someone you combine your finances. otherwise don't get married and most definitely don't have kids it you want to split everything.

yep we need the other side of the story. that is the only way we can know for sure what's going on. Cause I am pretty sure, very sure, that if Dave realized or they picked up that she's being irresponsible, this whole discussion would've gone another way.

If the roles were reversed there would be no marriage women don't marry into debt and if the make $240k/yr he'd have to make atleast $300k/yr.

He gets his children taken care of by someone that truly loves them and hopefully a clean house and meals made. What would that cost him if purchasing from third parties? probably a lot more than a monthly student loan payment.

She’s a wife not a prostitute

@@MrWookie1981 she’s not doing him a favor, those are her kids too.

@@PInk77W1 he’s a husband, not a bank.

@@donaldo7656 so you want strangers to raise your children instead?

Because thats what it is? I assume you're referring to them not combining finances. The husband is right not to combine. This woman is a walking liability and a total mess. Shes basically looking for someone to save her for her poor choices.

@@MikeyPaper if you are not willing to close your eyes and deal with it and trust on each others don’t ever get marry

Permanent room mate is probably the closest approximation to what a marriage is. Room mate + business partner

@@victors16811these men can’t even find a woman to date talkless of marriage.😂 they only know how to write on the internet

​@@TonyCox1351exactly

No, she’s taking care of the children. He should be the one to pay the bills and return, including the debt

She should have taken care of that student loan debt before having children. Then she wouldn't have a problem now that there are children. Who knows that's what they agreed upon, but she decided to sabotage birth control and oops! There was a baby! We don't know. But something's off here. There must be a reason why he doesn't want to pay off her student loan debt.

I know its so ridiculous

No, it’s not ridiculous. She is also taking care of the children and the household.

for real, dave lives in bs land

I agree. The husband should have never married the wife with that debt. Now he has to pay the price

Yeah and DO NOT marry someone with substantial debt. They can pay it off first. No wonder they had dowries back in the day.

Especially when she starts with, “I’m getting $4000 back on our tax return”, then later let’s it slip that they share a joint account.

You mean three sides. His side, her side and the truth.

Damn straight

Yes. I am a stay at home mom and when my husband asked me to return to work I did the numbers. The part-time money I made would be paid mostly to a child care provider, I gave a hard NO to the free Boys and Girls Club option offered at my son's school.

You should don't hear same math for the husband. Childcare is not the mother's responsibility alone

Yup. She had plenty of opportunities to take care of it

She’s taking Taking care of the children they agreed to have, so no it’s a different stop with false comparisons

You know that means that she should pay HIM 80000 for providing her a family, sperm and a home where she became capable of create an equivalent value. That is how business works.

@@mekbebtamrat817 What? None of that made sense. It's not a business arrangement where they're trying to profit off each other, it's a marriage. You don't typically say "till death do us part" with the people whose debts towards you you keep track of. Besides, there's things that are a lot more valuable than money... your family for one. Her being a stay at home mom to his babies is more valuable than anything he could buy. BUT if you really wanna go there... eggs & and a uterus are a hell of a lot more valuable than sperm. Donating eggs can get you $6,000 per donation cycle, and being a surrogate (aka renting your uterus) can get your $60,000. Meanwhile donating sperm gets you maybe $100 for millions of the little swimmers, your market is flooded.😆

Who supports the man when he gets destroyed in the divorce courts?

we only hear one side of the story. stop this hate already

Unfortunately marriage let alone the decision to have kids is so diluted now. People just don't think about the sacrifices that come with their decisions.

@@High5748 Or the headaches

It's possible he didn't know that she has all of that student debt before they were married. If he did, I agree with you that he should take on all of her.

you'd have kids with someone you call an idiot? let me guess. you're single lmao

There’s only 1 family

She has no money.

@@ejmich8136 You completely missed the point

Thirteen years…. A bit premature.

@@blackworldtraveler3711 what do you mean? expecting the shoe to drop? maybe you wish it into dropping...

@@pavlindrom Don't care what people do. It's just fascinating to hear people say things like that. I know too many couples that said the same things eventually divorcing years later even in their 50s and 60s. That hers,mines,ours,etc. is settled in court.

You paid off her student loans... oh my God... dude.. really? WAKE UP!!!

Exactly 👏

How many years have you been married?

@@Cesar-pq2ck yes I'm new to the game, 2 ys and counting. We both work, and have kids. Debt in general is a conversation you have to have before you get married. If you say your $300,000 in debt, while dating. Huh you might want to think, that through before moving forward. Specially if the other has none. We all have different opinions. But don't crucify the man, without having the full picture. Hes taking care of his family, could be better than most. She might have bad spending habits. We don't know. In my opinion, we can make even more money. If that diploma, wasn't just a conversation piece

Great idea.

That would be Jerry Springer moment

Exactly sound like to me she has a spending problem

I love this husband make her pay her own crap

Your definitely single, probably an incel

He would say, "pay off the debt together."

Agreed

Ok incel

Yeah, the husband is screwed.

Ladies don’t go into massive amounts of debt to just decide on being a stay at home mom. That’s unfair for your man and it’s irresponsible. Don’t leave massive messes for your man to clean up alone.

Well, do we know if she was open about her debt? If she wasn't, it should be on her husband when she, a grown woman, put herself into debt.

Exactly! What he get out of watching his wife with two babies struggle. It’s very crazy. Like what’s the point of living and marrying them? Except she didn’t tell him before marriage.

So don't get married simply because the other party has debt? I'm sorry, I love my wife with all my heart and I'm glad I married her. But I'm not paying a debt I had nothing to do with building.

There are too few details to jump into saying "that he is watching her struggle". So many actual numbers and background is just lacking here. It certainly sounds like to keep up a style of living they are following a process.

Her job is full time parent and he wouldn't be earning 240k if he had to provide childcare for 2 babies.

Go ahead Einstein, suggest a job that she can do while looking after two young children? Cobsidering a nanny would cost over 50k a year for even 1 child

She’s literally a full time homemaker

​@@roxanneslate8661Correct answer.

​@@roxanneslate8661She should have cleared her student loan before having kids.

What if the husband doesn't wanna combine their income because she's irresponsible with money? 🤔

@@itumelengmahaole5890If that’s the case, he shouldn’t have married her.

@@itumelengmahaole5890then he shouldn’t have married her.

waste of money

Foreal

And she's not alone

She probably didn't get a graduate degree to never work again. People get undergraduate degrees they don't use all the time but graduate degrees are more of an intentional investment. From how she speaks it plans like she plans on going back to work but is stuck between a rock and a hard place right now on account of her having two babies under two years of age. Putting them in daycare would be monumentally expensive so it doesn't even make sense to do it right now.

That’s not nice. Life happens and no one is perfect. Quit judging and keep your thoughts silent if they are negative. I’m sure there are dark shadows in your life also.

Not at all 😂

more 2k doesnt even cover one kid nowadays