Depends on who one is and what the relationship was. I've found all of them devastating when they broke down. Mainly due to enmeshment and codependency. We learn a lot of humility and hopefully open our hearts and have more discernment each time this happens.

I felt that. I think it’s because most of my friendships have been 8-9 years, but my relationships have been 1-2 years, but I felt that.

We're told since a long time that love is not forever and we're shown so much about love breakups.... but everywhere they always say that friends are forever and they barely show those breakups. when there's friend's breakup in movies they always end up being friends again, or almost always. not like that in real life :(

Y E A H-

*w h e e z e* itsbeentwoyearsanditstillhurts- T_T

🙂

I hope you are better now. Keep shining!

Sorry to hear that GlacierGirl. I've been there as well. Stay strong. Losing friends is devastating, but you never know what the future holds. An old friend of mine reached out and we rekindled our friendship after 6 years apart. I know it was 6 times of potential good times we may have spent together that were wasted, but honestly, now we are better friends with one another than we used to be. Who knows, yours might do the same, or there might be better people that are yet to be met, and you want to be there when it happens. I'm currently dealing with losing my closest friend and do sympathize with your pain.

@@sunnyjozani8421 thank you, both of you. I've healed from those losses (mostly) and have come to realize that maybe it was for the best. I just posted to sympathize with others who have a similar mindset about the importance of losing friends. Staying alive for myself hasn't ever really been a thing. I stay alive for my friends and my cat and my family (the ones I still care about anyway). Losing any one of them seems far more devastating when they are one of your reasons to stay alive, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this mindset, so I wanted to let others know they aren't alone in how they think.

Same here, there was that one friend who I texted before a suicide attempt and she instantly tried to contact me in every way possible after that and even ended up calling my mom to tell her to check on me, luckily enough those medications weren't strong enough to do the trick. Now that friend totally cut contact with me after I swapped religion, why do people have to be assholes instead of just respecting each other's difference in beliefs

We should listen to your advice ?

I am in the same boat. I am sorry for the confusion and pain that this has likely caused you. I hope you have a beautiful road ahead.

I went through a romantic breakup and lost 2 friends in all matter of couple of months. I wonder if I am the common denominator, like I don’t know how to play this game. I am finally grieving 😢

Same feelings here. I lost 4 friends this month, it makes me feel like am I the one who’s been a terrible friend? But currently I think it’s because I’ve been growing up into another person who’s now trying to give up unhealthy friendships, they were all affecting me in a negative way somehow during our friendship

@aelfrey3918, @ag757, @theroomnumber5210, & @ellen6609 - much love to ya. Just ‘cuz.

This is a late reply, but all the friendships I lost were with really toxic people who were just using me, and when I finally set boundaries they got worse until the relationship was untenable. So yes, you were getting healthier.

if you’re the problem then why would they apologize

Chances are if you were the one apologising you probably werent actually the problem

​@@bong_waterMany factors, actually. They could be instigating the problem, ignoring it, etc.

A past friendship breakup thaught me that as Christians, we've likely grown up with so many terrible misconceptions about love, forgiveness and reconciliation. I'm still baffled how all of the older Christians who thaught me about our faith always emphasized how important it is to "love your neighbour" - but never even once they told me, that it's just as important to equally "love myself". One of the most important lessons I've learned these past few years is that I can love and forgive someone and I still don't have to see or speak to them ever again. Also - I'm in no way obliged to tell someone that I forgive them, especially when they insist that they are not going to take accountability in any way or form for their own actions. In Christianity we have free access to forgiveness for our own sins, and yet even our God wants us to confess our sins and repent from them. We don't have to try to be greater than God by granting someone a free pass without them even recognizing how they hurt us.

@@LailaDragoness "he ooofed for our sins" sums up the source of this thought. It isn't a misconception, it is what it is.

Totally! You can forgive them, and still let them go!

@@LailaDragoness Thank you for writing "I can love and forgive someone and I still don't have to see or speak to them ever again." This is a concept I still struggle with but I remember the first time I encountered this phrase. It allowed something in me to release. Hopefully it can help others to see this too.

@@LailaDragoness In my church we are taught christ is within all of us, including ourselves. So to treat everyone and ourselves kindly.

I have gone through basically the same experience. We're still friends on Facebook or whatever, but she doesn't really respond when I text her beyond very surface-level niceties. I'm letting the ball be in her court, but I miss her!

I'm am sorry for your loss.

People are weirdos...

Perhaps breaking up with her husband was very painful and to heal she needed space away from everything (including the people she was once close to) to process what is a major event in Antibes’s life: a marriage breakup. Your pain is understandable but try not to take it personally. It’s her way of dealing with it. If you left on good terms, maybe one day she will get in touch with you. Meantime think of her with love and wish her well.

Maybe writing her a letter saying how much you miss her and how you want to be there for her to support her. She may think you are more friendly with her ex and thought it would be best. Reach out and leave it in her court.

❤️

same with me... had to cut ties with 3 close friends and even though i'm betrayed by 2 i still miss the times and memories we had and it does hurt. I'm angry and choosing the wise way is hard. i want to scream and yell at them, ask them why i was treated that way but i know it won't make me happy so i'm trying to stay away.

same for me. Two of my friends were lost because they thought I would forget all about them during my semester abroad.

@@natnuss98 Not true friends

I found this very helpful and I have a follow up question: what do you do when 95% of your friend group turns on you. To be brief as possible there was a covert narcissist in this group. It took me a while to recognize it. Turns out other friends saw it too. The narcissist targeted me perhaps because she knew I wasn’t going to be manipulated anymore and saw me as a threat. What followed was every friend who expressed the same issues and concerns as I did completely back peddled when confronted by the narcissist. I ended up being the scapegoat. I was gaslit and a full blown smear campaign ensued. There were times when I reacted badly out of hurt and anger. In an effort to achieve some peace and at least create an atmosphere of civility I apologized for my behavior with no excuses. It made things worse. I don’t think this group wants civility. The smear campaign intensified. The micro aggressions became major aggressions to the point of having a drink thrown in my face when I detached from a few people on social media. I don’t think this group of people, who I was close to for years, wants civility or peace. They seem intent on breaking me. And I don’t know how to deal with this.

"the thing I was mostly in awe of was how easy, quickly, and irrevocably such bonds could be broken." I just feel this so much right now. One day my friend and I were good and the next day everything fell apart. And weirdly, neither of us wanted to break up, but then it kind of spiraled. At the end, I had to rip him apart (verbally of course), because he started to get abusive (humiliating me in front of mutual friends, lashing out at me for the smallest things, always shifting blame to my end for his lash outs etc). And the kicker: He hates people who act that way. If we'd be friends and a third person would treat me like he did, he'd tell me to get out of that relationship.

It's true. Desensitized. That's what happens with romantic relationships when young people sleep around a lot as well.

​@@blauespony1013I hope you feel better now. I have a similar story of how abruptly things ended. He is in an abusive relationship with a psycho manipulative gf, he and I used to text about her and how horrible she is, we got along really well, he was like a younger brother to me. One day, she took his phone and read his texts, and he blamed me for it and cut ties. Just like that, like I never existed. Broke my heart how cowardly some people can be. I have not pursued making up because it was on terms of "getting along with her" and I cannot be friends with a manipulative psycho. I feel for him and hope one day we'll see each other again but until then I am too afraid to invest so much in other people anymore.

I relate so much. I never wanted our friendship to end and but I felt my friend drifting away from me, seeing how easy it was for them to just let our friendship fade like it did to the point it ended just hurts. Did I just become boring ? How could it be so easy for them to forget me ? That friendship meant so much to me, and now they changed so much, probably think about me once a year and I’m here mourning them. Goddamn it hurts.

Sorry to hear that

Oh my gosh. I'm sorry you've gone through this. Glad you're healthy now. What you wrote about being tired of being the rock was exactly what I'm feeling now. She wasn't there when my illness spiralled either and I'd been solid. But when I told her I was hurt she made it about herself. Couldn't do it anymore. Your post helped me feel like it was okay to let that go. Regardless of what happens later, boundaries are important. Thank you.

Woah, this hits home for me. I'm sorry you went through this as well. It wasn't just my friend that abandoned me, but everyone. I don't know how I got out of that hole, but I did over time. I still have trust issues because of it, and I just have so much anger sometimes when I think back about it.

@@Tubayuno

I went through quite similar thing and I blocked her everywhere

I'm in the same boat and it hurts like hell. I keep blaming myself every time

Sometimes they're not your friend, they just have you around for their benefit.

Big facts 💯

Sounds like maybe me too

​@@ValKobomg sameeee this is literally what happened to me but high-school is ending and im never going to interact with any of these ppl ever again so I'll be good

That’s so sad that people can behave that way!

Exactly

Then that person is 💩

Yes yes yes...

I’ve got a friend who won’t communicate their problems and it’s so so hard

I think you can say to that person that you miss them and ask them to communicate with you. But if they refuse, there is nothing you can do but to move on. I think you deserve a friend that gives you a chance.

Exactly my situation rn

I had been feeling like this for 2 years now, there are no more thank you’s like you said, sometimes I feel like she thinks I work for her or something, and I had talk about this a few times al ready with her but it’s like my feelings don’t matter, it’s always somebody else’s fault and somethings keep happening again and again, and I can’t take it no more, like where are my limits? So I don’t know what to do. Hope you heal from that❤❤

I am going through something very fresh and very similar to this. I have a lot of guilt because I keep worrying that I’m the “bad guy” even though my ex friends did some very rancid things to me and mine. The guilt is hard to get through. I promise we’ll be able to get through it at some point. Wishing the best to you💜

I was ghosted by my very best friend. They just left and didn't say anything to me - it was one of the most painful experiences in my life. A couple months later I got this message that I wasn't good for their mental health and they wish no contact. I could tell by the wording that they probably do feel guilty about this - but as someone who got left this way let me tell you: I learned so, so much from this experience about myself. It was incredibly painful but I realized things I have never even thougt of before. It was transformative. I have no hard feelings for them whatsoever. In fact I am very grateful to have had this learning opportunity and I am very happy for them to set hard boundaries. It taught me that it is okay to stand up for yourself - something I have never done before this breakup. Trust me you do not need to feel guilty about it. This is not about fault and who did something wrong. This is about growing as persons, learning and hopefully go into a better future.

Can you send a link to the guided grief meditation?

I've been in a similar situation and on asking the reason for drawing back, I got "I'm too busy".

I feel this is becoming more common. People treat you like an old app on their phone instead of a person.

I know this is an old comment, but thank you for posting it 💕 I don’t feel so alone now.

I was in a similar situation in high school. The people you surround yourself with end up leaving an imprint on you. Kudos to you for taking charge and cutting them off, painful as that may have been. You are never a loser for taking control of your own life, even if it is lonely at times.

Thanks for that! I feel pretty alone right now because I'm constantly surrounded by my ex friends mon through Friday 8 hours a day and it sucks. I'm going to make new friends and don't have to go back to peers I don't trust just because I'm around them for now.

Hi, I have experienced something similar. Sometimes, it is easier to accept that it is "gone". At the same time, learn to value yourself. You are a gem. It is that person fault for being blind and it is their loss. I tried 30 days of meditation for breakup and letting go. You just need to meditate for 15 minutes and just search for free meditation videos. Next, talk to close friends and family. Thirdly, set exercise goals and learn to cook new dishes. When you achieve small wins everyday, you will felt good about yourself. I hope my post is not too late.

Years ago Inwas also ghosted by someone who I thought of as my best friend, it hurt so bad I never wished it happen to anyone, so I understand your feeling 😢, even years later when I remembered it I still feel a pang in my heart, I hope you heal soon ❤

Sorry to hear that, that hurts. I'm currently in a similar situation, but I can't imagine how hurt you must be due to how long you've been friends with the girl. You may need to be a little persistent to find out what's up. Other than that, I'm not sure what else to say. I hope you can get help and get better advice and keep that friend. Good luck 🥰

Thank you so much and I'm so sorry for your loss. Friendship breakups can be devastating.

I lose friendships too. Sometimes I care usually not so much

Jesus can heal you 🙏

May God heal you. I'm going through this right now and I don't know what to do. I don't know if the friendship is permanently broken but if it is I'll keep blaming myself forever.

@@justinjohn5114 please, don't blame yourself! My best friend suddenly broke our friendship as well and it's been difficult, but I'm better now. These things happen. If you can get in contact with them and you're able to apologize, then great! But if they don't want to, then it might be because they're not that hurt by you or they don't care as much for the relationship. You do your part, but you can't control the reactions of others. Acceptance is the first step towards healing. Accept they're behavior and the fact that you might not be able to do anything about it if they don't want to. I hope this helps somehow because I know how much something like this sucks. I'm still going through it and sometimes I feel guilty as well, but people make mistakes and all that matters is that we learn from them.

I hope you’re doing better now. I’m going through one right now, but the thing is, we dated for 6 months. We were close friends before that though. I’m looking for many ways to cope & thankfully I have a therapist, my dad & my other friend during this time.

That sounds awful, also very relatable. Glad you're moving on now

I had a narcissist relationship it was ruff. It helps to know that everything he said was a lie just like our friendship was a total lie. I seem to be drawn to narcissist even when I see it coming it's like I like to prove myself right. They always blow up😮

God is close to the broken-hearted 🤍 Hope you find your healing and peace soon

@@janetholmes Thank you. 🙏

Had a crush on my friend, told her how I felt, she gave me the answer of "I'm not ready for a relationship right now". Now you can say, "Hey man, that's a no" but I'm gullible, maybe a little ignorant, but I was too proud of myself to even think that was a no. Then, 4 days later, she mentioned a new guy and I heard about it indirectly. Ouch. Envy is the deadliest sin. I asked for clarity later in the day and I found that she didn't feel the same. I was upset and told her how I felt, how she should have given me a clear answer. In that situation, you need to give a yes or no. If you aren't sure on how you feel, give an unclear answer, but you should clear the air after that. But no, I had to find out the hard way, which made me really hurt and angry. Then, I complained to my friends about her. I didn't say names, I only did to close friends, but on the 12th, I found out a lot of things. I texted my friend, said I felt like my ex-crush had a problem with me. He asked if he wanted me to ask her, I said I didn't care, and so he did. I got the warning message from my friend and got a text from my crush. She had a problem with me. In the process of her telling me why she was mad at me, distancing from me and not talking to me (she is/was my good friend so that's why it matters), I found out she told *our* friend about what I had said after I found out she found another guy. Now, I don't like that. 1.) I didn't want that friend to know about my feelings toward my ex-crush 2.) That made my friend a middleman which is unfair to her, and to me since she chose my ex-crushes side 3.) When I was complaining about my ex-crush anonymously, that friend heard indirectly and told my ex-crush about it. (Which is why she stopped talking to me and the drama started) Yeah. Drama. I asked if my ex-crush wanted to know what I had to say, she said yes, and I told her. She replied, and now I'm just waiting until Monday so I can have one of my friends read it first. Not hyped. Probably didn't have to rant here, but I decided to anyways. Really crappy situation, and the way I and my better friends see it, I didn't do much wrong. Other than the complaining about her, but I was upset and that's how I was dealing with it, trying to get support from friends. Whatever, lol.

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I'm sorry to hear that :(

👍

It's your fault

It easier said then done