This is the 21st century now, let this story be a lesson. When nobody can accept you, you do what’s best for you and whatever makes you happy. You’re right sister, these Hmong traditions are unfair. I’m glad you found someone who love you and respect you.

It's about time someone came out with a story like this one! I agree 100% with everything! Do as your husband does, they say... but when Hmong women do it, they're in the wrong! Why is it okay for Hmong men to abuse, cheat and marry multiple wives? Why do Hmong women have to put in all the effort and wait years for their husband to change??? Why do some moms (who are women) side with men? Some things of the Hmong culture/tradition needs to change! I'm glad this woman stood up for herself and for Hmong women!

My spouse and I did not collect dowry when our daughter got married. We believe no money can buy a life. We want our daughter to live freely and not feeling like someone's property because they paid for her head. We gave our house key to her so she can visit whenever she wants. Our door is open 24 hours if her marriage doesn't work out. Every house we bought, we make sure it has an extra room for her. She's married and had her own children but she's still our little girl.

1100% correct sis!! Not trying to disrespect the hmong traditions but these stupid OG words gotta go!! So proud of you & your accomplishments! Keep on moving forward with your life with or without these negative people in your life. Tolerate what you can & drop of negativity.

Thank you Dr Yang for your far-sight, encouragement and wisdom. Vision is always so much clearer then the journey. We are moving slowly just like slavery and racial rights in the US. Even in the US culture, we are no where close to equality. As integration continues, I am afraid that many good and decent cultural qualities will be lost. The Hmong's biggest challenge may be its lack of unification in beliefs and practices. Every Clan has some unique(but undocumented) remedy of aligning connections in religion, and it would be close to impossible to account and appease all. It may be this push and pull that is a major cause of our stagnation. It's very simple in vision: world peace is only equality, respect, and helping. Yet as intelligent as the human race is, we have not made this journey. It's sad to think that men may have destroyed it to the point of unsavable. (If true, in my next life, I want to come back as a woman to avoid this sin, 😉) To all, go to school and learn humanity. It will save your life and guide you to enrichment. Dr Yang could not have done this without it.

I have always thought the same as this sister. Kudos for having the same thought and mindset. Gladly my father supported me and taught me to not return to my ex when they ask me to go back. I took my dad's advice because I knew my worth and I'm fortunate my dad had my back and told me beforehand and that gave me so much more strength of my worth to feel okay to say I'm not going back.

Gosh, this sister must've received so much love from her parents before marriage for her to keep going back to consult with them. I think I'm pretty lucky to have my parents always telling me that I'm a girl and I'm worthless so I need to work extra hard and need to be independent from an early age. All of my life, I've known I can't rely on anyone but myself. Cheating is one of my non-negotiable, if my spouse decided to be with someone else, that's the end of our marriage contract. I'm an adult, no need to consult with anyone. Ladies, stop going back to your relatives to help you make those decisions. Know your worth and stop wasting time continuing some of the BS Hmong custom. At the end of the day, they won't come rescue you or your kids. Do what's best for you and your children and move on as quickly as possible from a cheater. Your future is not any brighter with a loser/cheater so stop wasting time. In this day and age, time is money and a valuable commodity.

Bravo 👏 👏👏👏👏ua tsaug koj tseem tuaj muab koj li opinión nawb! Txhua yam yeej muaj tsheeb hmoob yeej tsis tau hloov kiag!!

Ua lub ntuj tsaug uas peb tau tuaj nyob twb chaw no lawm os. Thov lub ntuj kom hmoob txoj cai dev ploj mus kom tu qab

Koj hais yog lawm kawg os viv ncaus aw!!!!! Txiv neej hmoob muab cov poj niam thiab cov ntxhais saib Qi’s dhau lawm…. Nco qab ntsoo tias tsis tau muaj ib tug txiv neej hmoob los yog tub hmoob nto npe thoob qab Ntuj li hos cov ntxhais mas twb muaj , SUNY Lee and Payingra Lor lawm nawb….

Agreed. Please people raise your sons right! Let go of these horrible rules that serve no purpose but to oppress women! That dont work anymore when your daughters are as educated or even more educated than your sons. Do better!

When people do not clip our wings, we have so much potential! You are a great example of that. When you find the right person who supports you, you can be so much better! Thanks for sharing your story ❤

Zoo kawg uas yog tsev hmoob nyob throb qab ntuj no hloov tau. Ntawm kuv tus kheej kuv yeej hloov rau kuv siv lawm. Kuv cov tub nyab ntxhais vauv kuv yeej phua lub txim Kom ncaj rau ob sab, kuv tsis tau xav tias yuav hlub tus kuv yug es tsuj lawv tus, vim tus nyab thiab tus vauv los yeej yog kuv tus me nyuam ib yam. Leej twg ua txhaum ces nws yuav tau txais nws Lee's txais qhov txhaum.

Hai​ yog​ tshaj​ li​ os​ niam​ lau​ Aw​ txiv​ neej​ hmoob​ ce​ coj​ tsi​ ncaj​ nruab​ nrab​ li​ os​

Tus siab kawg tiam no yug los ua ib tug ntxhais hmoob thiab los ua ib tug nyab hmoob txoj kev lwj siab txom nyem siab suav tsis txheeb li os

Txoj neej neeg no thuam yuav kawg ma tu siab tshaj li os cas yuav tu siab ua luaj ua tiam no yug los yuam kev yg ib tug ntxhais hmoob kv yg ib tug nkauj hmoob plog hmoob plog ma tseem saib tsis tau cov ntxhais tshaj li

Dr. Yang, you’re on point. Thank you for sharing your story. This advice should be for both husband and wife. Hmong folks should be more open minded.

Koj hais yog kawg yug los ua ntxhais hmoob ces yeej tsis muaj nqes li no xwb os peb cov ntxhais hmoob aw

Thank you for your story and your advice. In this time and age, we women can survive without a man.

Peb cov txivneej Hmoob pheej saib ntxhais qis2 tsis muaj nqis, ces kuj txhob yuav pojniam, kuj mus yuav txivneej xwb. Cov ntxhais tsis tau mus zip txivneej, quab yuam yuav, pe thov los ua txivtsev rau tus ntxhais li cov tub.

txiv neej ce yug tau tub los nim tia tub li tub yug ntxhais los nim toa ntxhais li ntxhais txiv neej feem tsawg thiaj tsis hais los no xwb os uv kom kawg txog thaum tsis yuav lawm ce mam mu nom tswv xwb thiaj ncaj ncee rau yu ib khub txij nkawm os

This is so critical for our community to revisit, revise and make the changes. Not only equality for both parties also change the harsh words used and the sexiest point of view. Be better and do better.

Yog lov mas pebcov hmoob es yeej nyiam hai li no tiag2 li o niam tshuab teev aws peb cov neej tsas hmoob yeej zoo li koj hai no tiag2 hos

Those parents who insist their daughter stay put in an abusive relationship (that's right, cheating is abusive---it's abusive to the mind, emotions, and soul) don't truly love their daughter or want happiness for their daughter. As for marriage, marry whomever loves and respects you, regardless of their race/ethnicity because true love is color blind.

Well said! I’m happy you stand strong for us women❤

M.V. Kuv nyiam koj thiab Kuv nyiam koj hais koj hais Kuv thiaj li xav nloog. Kuv nloog los yeej tsis dhuav. Cia Kuv koom nrog koj Chanel KZfaq conference thiab nawv.

Nkauj hmoob hais lus zoo ua luaj li xav tias koj yuav tsawj sib txiag tiag li thiab koj lub me paum yuav ntxim hlub tiag li

Zaj no raug siab tiag tiag li naw hai yg tshaj plaw

Kuv yog koj ce kuv tu siab nro tia kuv tsi muaj niam muaj txiv lawm vim lawv tsuas muab yus thawb tag zog rau lub qhov tuag xwb tsi yog niam txiv hlub yus

Zoo heev li qhia tau yog tshaj plaws

Dr. Yang, you are truly an inspiration. I too have a similar story to yours. I stay strong because I know there’s strong Hmong women like you that been through worst! I see many older Hmong women that married outside of their race for 40 years and they’re still going strong. They defy the stereotypes of “white men only want you when you’re young and when you’re old they’ll get rid of you.” Listening to all these stories, it’s beginning to sound like the latter. Thank you for sharing your story and advices.

I’m proud of what you did. Happy that you made the right choice to not go back to that ex husband. I believe that Hmong need to change and treat the girls/daughters the same as the boys/sons.

xav kom peb cov ntxhais hmoob ua tau li koj ua xwb os niam laus aw cas peb cov ntxhais mas uv qhov tus txiv ua hluas ib sim neej xwb

Thank you Dr. Yang for sharing your story; You’ve given many Hmong womxn confidence and encouragement.

Lub neej nyob mekas teb es Nej tseem coj tau lub hlwb ruam2 xyoo 1900 cov neej Tsa no mas txhob hu ua neej Tsa muab hu ua neej qhau no nawb tus neej Tsa coj ncaj ces yog police xwb

Hai yog lawm os

Rov qab los cuag Nej tus Vajtswv Tswv Ntuj nawb mog

Hais tau zoo heev thiab koj zoo tau ntxim hlub tiag li

My husband isn’t Hmong either and I’m always telling him these stories. I’m always annoyed and anger by how our Hmong elders don’t value their daughter’s life. I have daughters and I will fight to the end for their safety. My husband says it’s our culture, we see women as property not a life. Us Hmong needs to stop the caveman thinking and start loving and caring for our daughters. I hope this message will not fall on on deaf ears. It’s time for a major change in our community.

Dr. Yang thank you for your story. You are such an inspiration. I agreed 💯 on what still need to be change in the Hmong community for Hmong women.

Txhua yam koj hais yeej yog lawm os yog txhua tus ua tau li koj hais ces peb pojniam yuav tsis muaj kev nyuaj siab lawm os

Cov lus ko tsi yog mej koob Cov os Cov lus ko yog neej tsa cov xwb tsi txhob muab Liam rau mej koob nawb mej koob yeej tsi paub cov lus ko li naw

Viv ncaus ntawm zaj neej neeg no nas koj hais yog lawm Viv ncaus kuv pom zoo li koj hais thiab. cov laus

Tu me viv ncaus aw koj hai yog tshaj plaw li lawm os mog

Sister mej koob tsis ntuas os kev ntuas ntxhais tsuas yog txiv dablaug coj ntxhee, txiv ntxawm coj ntxhee, nus tij thiab nus npawb xwb. Txhob muab lub nra rau mej koob maj, mej koob txoj hauj lwm tsuas yog cev niam txiv tog tos ub li lus xwb!

She right good for u sister do what u do. 👏🏻👏🏻

ON POINT!! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. EVEYTHING YOU SAY IS SO RIGHT AND JUSTICE. THANKYOU...BEAUTIFULLY SAID.

Cov pab thas xab maim Nov tib cov pab thas quav beer thiab cov pab thas qab choj xwb kho tsi tau dab tsi lawm os hehehehe

Haiv Hmoob lub hlwb 75 hlwb 90 tiam twg los hlwb rwj,, kuv g qhuas nej cov hlwb rwj kiag, thov tig los kho hlub tej ntxhais txhob tsa txiv dev cai lawm, txiav txim kom yog thiab lau.

zaj dab neeg no hai tau zoo tshaj nplawb li

Peb cov tub cov ntxhais yeej tsis paub meej koob lawv cov paj lug li os vim peb tsis xav tub sab ne yog kuv Tus txiv ua tub sab ces kawg nrauj xwb peb tsis yog cov thaum 75 lawm os

Kuv Yog Txiv Neej Tiamsis Kuv tsi nyiam Hmoob txoj cai thiab

Dhuav hmoob txojj kev cai kawg li poj njam ces ua nyuj ua neeg rau lawv xwb tsi muaj nqis ib qho me me li

Me koo yog txiv neej hmoob os... txiv neej hmoob yog ib tug lej.. hmoob tsis muaj teb chaws vim hmoob tsis txawj sib hlub thiab hmoob hlub tsis tau tus sab nraum.. kawg tus ntxhais, cov niam thiab cov txiv twb hlub thiab pab tsis tau.. lwm tus ces tsis hais txog... hmoob yeej tsis muaj qhov yuav hloov tau os.. yog hloov tau ces twb hloov ntev lawm os... txiv neej hmoob yog ib tug lej..

Tus niam tsev aw cov mejkoob yuav ua cas ntua li koj hais na, cov tham hluas nkauj ua ntej twb yog lawv ntag ne.

I’m going to take this into consideration when my daughter gets married. It is true that during a Hmong wedding it’s always the daughter that gets the worst end of the stick. Getting lecture to death. I’ve never heard of relatives lecturing the son to be a good husband, don’t cheat and always look out for your wife.

Sad to say but the patha will not be the change we want to see…patha are patha quav cawv quav beer and party only…they don’t do anything to benefit the Hmong community. This will really hurt some patha heart that sees this but this is our reality!

Great daughter. I agree and support you 100%

Kuv muaj ib cov dab laug ma tseem siv cov lus qub22 npab2 nauj no

Sister koj hais yog kawg

Hmong Traditional Ways are so backward & Discriminating! This is the 21st Century, let's just forget it & upgrade the Traditional mindset!!!

I'm 110% agree with you Dr. Yang/?, Hmoob men won't chang then we women change for them...we the young and old women have to respect, love, suport each orther, and no more 2nd wife shits... let's start educate our girls... including Hmoob Lao...

So true what you said..I agree Hmoob man needs to change

I'm super happy my parents are very supportive

Hmong parents need to love their daughters more and stop the stupid old lectures of forcing their own daughters to be patient and go back to an emotionally or physical abusive.

I agree 100% peb yuav tau ntuas li ko mas kuv yeej hais tias kuv cov kuv yeej hais li ko

Tus mi niam tsev koj cov lus no tsis tsim mej koob cov lus ntuas los ua neej no yog koj niam koj txiv cov lus koj cov dab laug cov lus xwb.koj to taub yuam kev lawm mej koob tsuas yog tus koj niam koj txiv thov tuaj cev lus rau koj rooj tshoob xwb mej koob thiaj li tsis yog koj lub cuab xeem os qhia koj li ntawd.

Pab koj tu siab vim koj cov neej tsa ruam hlwb rwj heev...

Tus sau zaj dag neeg no sau ntawv mus rau cov nom tswv hmoob kom lawv sau txoj cai kom ncaj ncees los rau cov ntxhais siv thiab

This is USA, I’m completely agree with you and I’m so proud of you. A husband cheated on you, he’ll continue cheating and will never stop. Do what’s best for you cuz soon your parents will pass away and you need someone who love and care for you. Good job Sis😊

Doughter Dr. Every things you said is truly, I am believed you. The hmong culture same is good the most it was bad. So happy for you did the right thing. Good job!

🤣🤣🤣🤣aws nwg taab tom nyob sau kuv plaab caib nreeg kuv tag! Puas khib koj!🤣🤣

Lub neej no kuv ntxub tshaj yog kev saib hmoov xwb . wb ob niam txiv no yeej tsis kam saib hmoov li os.wb xum ua neej raws qhov wb pom thiab xav tias yuav zoo xwb.

Koj ruam koj ib leeg xwb os

Txiag Ameska ma zoo nyob tiag tiag li nkauj koj txhob tham tham nawb tsam koj zoo nkauj ntxim hlub koj ho sim Ameska nawb vim Ameska ma txiag zoo nyob tiag ho lam sim ma ok ok

Koj hais yog lawm os

Oh no! I'm sorry your family and relatives did not support you. I wished they did. I truly don't agree with how older Hmong OGs treat us hmong women. However, hmong people are slowly changing and starting yo allow gender equality.

Mej koob tsis yog tus yuav nthuas koj mus ua neej, koj niam koj txiv yog tus ua yuav nthuas koj es tsis txhob hais li rau cov me koob hos koj tsis paub kev cai hmoob tsis txhob tuaj thiam cov me koob, hais koj neej koj nus koj neej koj tsav xwb. Tsis txhob tuaj cem cov me koob es kom lawv hloov hos mog

Vim yog peb hmoob tsis cia cai coj peb yog cov coj cai yuav muab txoj cai lem li cas los tau thiab peb cov txiv neej hmoob tsuas hais Kom zoo cov txiv neej hmoob siab nws tsis muaj qab ntxhiab dab tsi twb yog nej cov ntxhais yog kuv ces cov laus twb ntuas nej tias Kom nej mus yoog nej tus txiv es nws tub sab Kom nej mus tub sab thiaj haum ua cas thaum nws mus tham hluas nkauj ces nej yuav tsum tau mus tham hluas nraug thiab mas thaum ntawv seb hmoob puas hloov.

Hmoob siab phem2 li no es Hmoob nyob lub teb chaws twg los thiaj tsis vam meej li mas sister

ZUA RAUG tug viv ncaug koj muab zaj no tuaj tham ib zaj ZOO HEEV kuv pom li koj thiab koj haig yog kawg. yog tug hloov pauv yuav nkag siab zoo moob lam nyob lub teb chawg vam meej xwb.tej yam li no hloov paub nyuab tiag2. yog koj hlub koj tug me nyuam koj tug ntxhaig caig hloov txoj cai kev coj hauv yug lub tsev ua ntej yam twg tsw yog ua zoo qhia me nyuam

Hmoob CES yeej muab txhua2 yam los tib tug Niag Neeg phem CES koj txawm yuav yug Tau ib pab tub Los yeej hais tias tsis muaj ntxhais txawm yuav muaj tub muaj ntxhais los yeej nrhiav lwm yam Los tib li ko ntag los mas hmoob aw.

Kev csi dev xwb ne kawm ntawm dev los siv xwb ne tshuav kias qhov tsis sib ua los sib yuav koom xeem lawm xwb mos..

Cov tuav hmoob kev Cai ces txawm yog tib cov coj tsis ncaj kiag li mas lawv twb nyiam coj kev npua dev cai es lawv thiaj muab cov pojniam saib qis2 os Cia kom cov og no ploj mus tag thiaj yuav vam meej tom ntej no

Yog luss 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Kuv cov ntxhais mus yuav txiv kuv tsis ntuas li nej ntuas tias lawv tub nkeeg los kom nws tub nkeeg lawv tub sab los kom nws nrog lawv tub sab no as. Kuv hais rau kuv cov ntxhais tias niam pog lawv tub nkeeg los kom kuv tus ntxhais tsis txhob tub nkeeg. Kom nws yeej meem rau2 siab khwv ua noj ua haus tsis txhob tub nkeeg yus ua li yus nyiam no as.

Preach sister!! You are spot on with everything!

This story is true, but there are some daughters who refuse to leave their husbands even when the parents are on their side. It’s best for each individual to decide for themselves

This story is gets my blood boil. But I'm blessed my parents never told me to hold on to my marriage even if I'm not happy. If anything my parents encourage me, if he ain't treating you right you leave lol. My dad always told me his door will always be open for his daughter. I admit I have loving parents. But I see and know people who went thru your path sis. I'm so glad you stood up for yourself.

Changes have long been overdue. Men support and enjoy the norms, they wanted no change. Our educated women today must take the initiative and push for the way.

Good job sister

Hmoob hlub tau hmoob xwb, hmoob ua tau phem rov rau hmoob thiab xwb

yg ưa Ntxais yeej tu siab tshaj

Doctor yang u are right I agree with u hmoob men's rule is very so wrong they treat us hmoob women s so low n wrong.

Good Good Good Good luck

Hopefully one day, one powerful woman come out and lead us fight the men to make an equal rights for us all like the Americans in the 1800 or 1900’s something. That time Meka were like our Hmoob men now

Cov neg Txiv Tuam Mejkoob ces Lob2 Cawv twb hais lus tsi meej tsi muaj Kev Kawm li los tseem khav2 npaum no npaum ub

Vim hmoob siab phem qiag neeg li no es thiaj tsis nrog luag muaj tej chaws, peb cov ntxhais zoo ntxhais txim txiaj cia mus yuav lwm haiv neeg. Cia cov hmoob qiag neeg no poob qab mus 1000 xyoo tom ntej no. Lub hlwb 75 tuag tsis tag, hmoob lub neej yuav tsis hloov.

Tej mej koob, txiv coj xai twb yog txiv neej tib yam ces lawv kuj tuaj lawv tog xwb. Poj niam ua mej koob, ua txiv coj xai na, nej coj poj niam tuaj hais ces lawv yeej tuaj poj niam tog tib yam.

Zaj no raug siab kawg