Even god gets lonely
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I know it’s Easter and I know it’s also April Fool’s day but this cover has nothing to do with those things, sorry. Maybe the prank is that I’m serious for once lol.
Lately, I’ve been in love Hanyuu Maigo’s music and really wanted to cover this song specifically. While I often keep this description section as partly a journal for myself, I don’t usually get into deep and personal matters in great detail. I think that letting others know weakness is hard and people find it off-putting but I’ve never been one for self preservation anyway.
So trying not give away too much from my private life, I’ve been struggling since last year but especially this past month with SSRIs (depression/anxiety medication). The side effects of mine were becoming too much and I decided to stop abruptly so I could confirm something within me. This was a bad move. The first week was hard as I thought but by the third week, it was unbearable. I couldn’t eat anything for nine days and found myself unhinged, barely managing each hour between nausea and emotional trauma. I desperately tried to hold out as long as I could so that I could be done with the drug and find my way to a different one with less side effects, but ultimately I couldn’t. The month of suffering was for nothing in the end as I started taking it again (mostly to be able to eat food). By now, you’re probably wondering why I’m talking about this, well, I wanna share this experience in hopes someone else needs to know they’re not suffering alone. Because I felt that way. I felt like god was playing some ironic game in which my desire for simple things would result in failure and agony, telling me it’s better to give up. But even if there is a god, I don’t think he’s playing a game. He may not even have the power to do anything.
All in all, I’m trying to come to terms with my situation and singing and writing helps. I’m not particularly looking for advice, just a moment of personal clarity. That’d be nice.
ORIGINAL CREDITS:
✦ Music & Lyrics: Hanyuu Maigo
✦ Movie: 瀬川あをじ
✦ Translation: Serene_Snowfall
✦ Original: • 懺悔参り / flower
COVER CREDITS:
✦ Vocals/English Lyrics/Mix/Subs: Juby
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--------LYRICS----
Once again, watching the city pass at no end
Painful or pleasure, they’re fighting with their head
Blooming plenty, from here at hell’s ending
Envy, envy, envy the mass frenzy
Don’t, oh no don’t, oh please never ever pray to me
Don’t wish to god, oh please don’t wish for anything
Truth is I’m helpless and can’t do a thing
With only a charm faked for kid’s fantasy
Upside down the Jizo goes
And even god, oh yes even god oh
Gets sad and lonely at night and so
Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me?
I am to blame, yes for everything
Once again, watching the city still the same then
Pray quietly under the ocean bed
“Goodbye” and hear “let’s meet again my dear”
On and on and always I will be waiting here
Don’t, oh no don’t, oh please never ever lose your way
Don’t search in vain, and I say this for your own sake
Cry in the face of the great laughing gate
Ignore any voice calling for you to stray
And you’ll be safe
And even god, oh yes even god oh
Can’t see the future or what it holds
Though you may fall down, feel like you might drown
You mustn’t come to this underground
You still can make it there in time, if you let go and fly
No, I’m not lonely, I’m just fine
Everything should be quite alright
Let’s say goodbye
The veil crumbling tonight, as the thought came to me
Who am I living for? And see
When was it I began to
Watch this human’s dream?
And even god, oh yes even god oh
Wishes to talk with you too and so
Though very small, I hope that you may try
Hear this repentance of mine
But now I beg, no don’t ever let go
I’ll do whatever it takes and so
Every dream in you, for your dreams I’ll soon
Do what I can so they all come true
For me and you
Hey, were we smiling stupidly?
You think?