Thank you Roy, such a relateable post! In every point! I've had phases of burnout and recovery over decades. My pens give me joy, they make me gently mindful for a moment and help me leave the stresses of daily life aside. But there have been times when they are just too much. They take time and care, and when I have those slightly frenzied purchasing periods, they become a guilty over- consumer stress of their own. But then, after a rest, they come back to me. I keep using one or two robust pens ( because I just can't cope with ballpoints as a daily writing instrument). Then, Journalling those truths.... ahh, so intimate and valuable with my beloved pens. It slowly brings me back and variety of use eases back into my life.

Whoa, this is my first time seeing Roy. Good looking dude! Anyways, I just got done from your feed video, it was awesome! 10:42 Check out the Hongdian 1851!!! It has a very satisfying snap, like the Prera, and is completely airtight. I think I've arrived at the endgame with those (however, they do have double feeds).

This is very helpful! Also, HUGE thank you for not smacking your lips when you talk, it's rare to find KZfaqrs who are aware enough not to do it.

Will Pilot ever make a good looking, full sized plastic pen? 🙄

(((PB Roy))) I wish I could hug you. Of all things your journal should be a place just for YOU... the ONLY "criteria" is to DATE your entries. I've journaled regularly for over 30 years (and sporadically b4 that!) Recently using FPs I use my fave inks / pens to create a fancy DATE 08.08.2024 with flair at the top of the page (or middle if I only wrote a few words or doodle the day before.) Now I've taken to simply putting 221 (222 for Friday) aka the Day of the Year (or both.) That gives structure and nice use of our pens. But, I confess, after creating an attractive "header" I often revert to one of my fave gels or nice BPs for scribbling thoughts. The importance, to me, is when I look back I want to see what was my mood or even what was a I doing on any given day / month / year. Include pen testing, fragments of thoughts, ANYTHING that you are doing or thinking. ie; still crying over Stewie but remembered how much I love this pen (name the one you mentioned, with THIS ink) scribble... 1/2

Roy, I love your evolution in thinking about your journal--away from structure, pretty, and "should," and toward a more unstructured and accurate reflection of who you really are. I hope you find it more valuable to you, both now and in the future, looking back. And fun! Don't forget fun. I discovered some time ago that a lot of rumination in my journal only made me feel worse, more depressed. I've been happier since I stopped doing that and started to make my entries more random and varied in the kinds of things I write down, and often even mundane. Sometimes big things, sometimes small. A record of my life, minus the OVER-emphasis on *interior* life unless there's something I reeeally need to "get out." That's not happening very often, because, as I said, doing that never me feel better. I'm enjoying my journal so much more this way. Good luck to you in finding your own way. Thanks for including us!

I have a morning routine. I made a habit of journaling during that time. Doesn't have to be a lot but sometimes it is. Sometimes I don't write much. I don't like to write before bed because I am too tired. If i have time I usually write during the day if I feel like it. If not, I don't. I think the more you push yourself and think you have to do it everyday the more it because something you have to do. Personally having a little habit in the morning works for me.

Hi Roy; Dean from "down under " ..I like your channel ; probably followed it since your start. Love writing and F pens and inks. I have been doing a simple journalling for about 10 years now following Julie Cameron's "Morning Pages" concept - ie writing about 3 pages of stream of consciousness writing every morning. I have basically been doing this but with some revisions..I always try to do it every day, so thus is a good habit but at times it can be a minimal writer amount of words as life gets in the way sometimes. So thus you keep the habit, but it doesn't become a major chore, as it can be sometimes, so you thus reduce the amount you write. I write stream of consciousness; sometimes I copy from Hebrew Scriptures ie Psalms, Isaiah, Proverbs etc; sometimes text from novels I like. Whatever. I love to write and the feeling of writing is a great experience alone; especially with my favourite pen which could be a Lamy Safari(M), Pelican M200(B) or Pilot 912 (FM). I use a notepad rather than a bound journal and attempt to do three A4 pages a day (mainly morning times), but at times the output is less. The sheets of paper are put into a manila folder daily. The notes or journal pages are for your eyes only, and can be destroyed at a later time. Julie Cameron is from your country so her idea of the three pages was your letter size paper, which I believe is somewhere inside between A5 and A4. Anyhow good luck with your journey and good luck. I'm a cat lover...I had two Burmese cats last year, Hamish and Isobel - now it is just Isobel with me and my partner. Loss is so painful. Cheers Dean.

Thanks for sharing all of your really deep thoughts and questions with us! As far as YOUR journaling goes, it sounds like you answered all of your own questions. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Or consistent. Or look fabulous. You don’t have to use the perfect words, because you’re just writing for yourself. Sure, you may write something you don’t like and feel like ripping it out, but, it’s not a novel, and even if it were, no one sits down and writes a novel out perfectly in its entirety anyway, right? Like someone else pointed out, journaling isn’t an assignment, either. There isn’t a right or wrong. For myself, I find it’s always evolving. When I was a child and teenager I wrote on notebook paper and it was usually only when I was mad and wanted to get my feelings out where no one else would see them. As I got older I’d write about my relationships. Or about big decisions I was facing. Or just about where I’d eaten dinner that night, or how work went. My format and topics change all the time, especially now that I’m into fountain pens. The thing that hasn’t changed is that I’m writing for myself, whatever that means yesterday or today or next week. Be your authentic self. You be you. And enjoy your pens!

I don’t regularly journal, but I was thinking that a journal dedicated to a pet that has passed might have helped me back when my dog passed in 2014. Now I just have 2 cats and I think I will journal when one of them passes. I won’t specifically concentrate on my grief, but maybe just write down a memory of something they always did and then write down how that memory makes me feel. I think this style of journaling would start out with feelings of grief, but would lessen with each written memory until it no longer causes such deep pain.

Let me offer a few thoughts. I journal by writing down whatever it is I want to write down at a particular moment. Some days that means I write down what I’ve done during the day. some days I write down my thoughts about my health, or about friends, or just try to describe the sunrise or sunset. I do write about my thoughts and feelings when I choose to do so. When I am bored, sometimes I will write whatever it is that comes to mind - lists of books or music or whatever . I find it helpful to have the journal within reach. I don’t set aside a particular time or place to journal. I just pick up a pen and write when I wish. I would caution you to avoid intentionally focusing too much on grief, sadness, or other “negative” things. It is fine to write about these things, but not as an assignment. I think there is some danger in over-focusing them. If you begin with the self imposed assignment of writing about how you are grieving today, I think there is a tendency to get stuck in the grief. On the other hand, if you simply write about what you are feeling today, that will reflect a changing reality, it seems to me that you are journaling as a way of trying to keep Stewie alive and your thoughts about him unchanging. But life does not work like that. Everything is changing constantly. It is not disrespectful to Stewie to recognize that his memory is part of you, but that his real presence is not, and that your thoughts and feelings will change over time.

When my English bulldog passed, I wrote to him each night detailing what happened that day just as if he had participated in the day with me like usual, I did that for over four years. Now I just let him know he’s still missed very much each day before bed.

Years ago I journaled. Situations in my life were so difficult, my husband was hit by a car and had a long recovery, and eventually was no longer able to work. It was too difficult to even put the words on paper. So I stopped journaling. I’ve picked it back up. But it’s not a hobby, I like recording the days events and thoughts. I think the feeling will pass, or improve. I love my cats too.

Yo, that’s my last name. My last name is Waldmann. He stands for man of the woods. You got a man of the woods pin.

Journaling should never be a burden. It should be a release of burdens, a release of thoughts, emotions and a chance to resolve things that have been confusing.

I've been journalling for just over a year (and yes I did originally start as a way of using my fountain pens, but that's not why I still do it). I have ADHD and a terrible memory, not just about things I need to get done, but also things I did in the past. So my journalling serves two purposes. First, it's a place to keep my to-do list. They go at the top of every entry and without them, I'd never get anything done. But also it's a place to record anything that comes up in the course of the day that I want to remember. Things I do. Places I go. Things I read or learn that I want to remember. Ideas and thoughts I have. I make notes about things I'm reading or studying. It's random, unstructured, messy and perfect for me. What my journal rarely (if ever) is, is a place to mind-dump or ruminate on negative thoughts that might happen to be in my head. I don't get those thoughts often and even when I do, I find that dwelling on them (journalling about them) doesn't help me work through them, it just makes me worry more. But that's not why I journal. The concept of "getting those negative thoughts out on paper so they're not in your head" doesn't work for me - more the opposite - what I write will stick in my head more than what I don't write. Which is why I write mostly what I want or need to remember. I don't necessarily journal daily, but it's rare that I skip more than a day at a time, because those task lists keep a-comin'. Sometimes the task list is all that's there, and that's okay, because I'm still opening the book, writing something in it, and that keeps the habit going. Another weird thing that helps me from an ADHD point of view is book-hopping. I never feel that I must finish a notebook before starting to use a new one; I hop from book to book every couple months or so, and eventually will cycle round to finish books I started before (unless it's really crappy paper that bleeds - I don't finish those).

I am sorry you are going through this. Grieving is tough. It took me years to process a lot of the crap I went through when my dad passed. Journaling is really personal. It's an on the record conversation with yourself and the practice of putting it on paper feels like a commitment to thoughts you may or may not want immortalized. I think that is the hardest part for me when I encounter resistance picking up the pen. It may not be the same for you, but I often find that just scribbling first impressions on a scrap of paper and sticking it in between the pages until my thoughts are better developed helps. Don't be afraid to throw away thoughts you aren't committed to and to edit them when you have thought them through better. Also, sorry for your loss.

After listening to you carefully, it sounds to me that you are speaking of developing a "Ritual" ex: the favorite pen, situations, etc. Give it a try. Forgive yourself if you leave it... maybe even call it your grieving journal that helps you with the loss of your little one (my condolences). I see many similarities right down to your shirt (I got my two fur balls frim the same spot ) heck even similar professions. That said I'm currently trying to build rituals as well I've several composition notebook that I now use to practice Italic writing...sometimes in practice it will reflect what I am feeling sometimes it wont either way if anyone reads it theys swear Im an EDP. 😅 Great episode sir thank for sharing it.

Roy, you might be overthinking this. Journaling shouldn't be a burden. I took Tom's habit-building class, and now have four journals. But I enjoy making entries in all of them, and that's why I continue. Have a Cross Townsend, too, but it's in the non-inked case. Take good care. RIP, Scooby.

😭

If you pay top dollar it should work beautifully out of the box

I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my first and only cat recently too on 23 June. It was also very sudden, and I didn’t expect him not to leave the hospital when I first brought him in too. Take care, and I empathise too about dealing with grief and having to hold it together.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Stewie was so fortunate to have you and your wife as parents. The care you gave. Blessings to you both. Suggestion: select a notebook and a dedicated leather cover. Write everything down, everything you remember about Stewie. I felt such a sense of peace after capturing my memories of a loved one who has passed. I mean it really helped me. My memory journals are in bullet fashion that jump all around. There are no rules. You will be surprised at how many memories you have. I recently rescued a little one, and one of the memories I wrote down this year was from this past late winter...we were walking the neighborhood and the flowering cherry trees were losing their petals. The wind was gusting enough for the petals to blow around on the ground. My little one chased the petals to try and catch them! It was the sweetest moment. I'll remember it forever. Take good care.

I wish they made a fountain pen the size of the pencil in those great satin finish colours!

Roy, thank you for sharing your experience with us. Anyone who has been family to a furbaby has had an opportunity to lose it, lose them, lose their composure. We know, if we're at all aware, that we are likely to outlive them. And unlike the death of old Uncle Chung or Great-grand Suri, your furbaby is dependent on you for everything. Your workbuds might not get it. Your gymbuds might not get it. You are the guy. You choose and serve the food, clean the waterbowl, change litter, trim claws. You decide when it's time to go see the vet and you administer those sub-cu irrigations and butt-greasings. You are the one left with the questions when there's nothing left but charge card receipts and a box of crumbs. Those "steps of grief"? Bogus! Nobody can tell you how to mourn, how long to mourn, in what Texas two-step dance to mourn. And let me remind you, it is hard. It is work. It can wear you out. It will make you want to die sometimes, but you will not die. Not from this, anyhow. You have friends who have been there, done that, are still here. So should you ever want a shoulder or an ear, give a call. Got it? Good.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've also lost pets and I understand that unexplainable void that can be paralyzing. I think it's because our pets love unconditionally and when that love is gone, you feel it strongly. I think you should allow yourself to feel all the things. If there are days where you cannot bring yourself to journal because you feel the loss so much, don't force yourself. We all grieve differently and whether you write or not, it is part of the process of going through it. But at some point, you'll have to face those feelings. Your journal will be there with no judgment, so I hope you give yourself grace. All the best to you, Roy. ❤

Sorry for your loss to both of you. Everything will be fine even though, as a former pet owner, I still miss my fur babies. Some people has no idea how painful it is. I don't see any differences between human being or any other species. It hurt the same. Sending good vibes.

I am sorry for your loss! I lost 2 kitties to Cardiomyopathy. I journal daily for the most part. Try to talk about my day. Your journal is your own safe space and doesn’t have to be perfect or beautiful. It just has to have meaning for you. I can see Stewie had a great life with you and your wife. Be kind to yourself, you took great care of him.

As a cat mom, I feel your loss deeply and sympathize. It helps to have other fur babies to care for and dedicate more love to them. My only rule for journaling is to write everyday. I feel that whatever comes up intuitively is therapeutic. Even if it's nonsense or superficial. Just the act of opening my journal and selecting a pen or an ink to write with is my ritual every morning. RIP beautiful Stewie.

Oh PenBoy, I am so very sorry for your loss but grateful you're finding comfort journaling with your beloved pen friends-- both pens and people. 🖋 Sending love and light to you and Stewie 🕯 Our pets are closer to us than most people 24/7. Now, must continue listening to the the rest of this. I stopped to post pen thoughts and found this. write on... more below. 🖊

You PenBoy describe my exact journey, and probably familiar for many. My first round of fountain pen fever came in Y2K when sick of computers I went to a pen show. W O W, who knew such beautiful pens existed! I only knew of FPs as the black/gold cigar shape, boring and mostly a man’s pen. Then I found my gorgeous Monteverde “tiger eye” Olympia (med nib) and fell in love. I still have it and judge other pens by its comfort and smooth nib. Nearly 25 yrs old now, it doesn’t cap well, dries out fast and that dear Pen Boy, is what put me on this current wild ride for a new Grail Pen. In 2022 I bought my White Tiger Pilot Metro (M) medium nib, loved it and thought I was “done" until I searched for some ink info on youtube. O M G! Given the algos I’m now well acquainted with the Goulet Pencast, Figboot, Tom Oddo, Hemmingway Jones, and YOU (to name a few) and the never ending "quest for the best." gadz. (more below)

I buy cat pens and cat journals. Totally get it!

As a cat owner I totally relate. Cats also grieve. When my husband passed away, our cats cried and wandered through the house crying at closed doors. They are so intuitive. ❤

Thank you for sharing your feelings of losing Stewie. I can totally relate. I have recently lost the second of my two fur babies due to cancer, just a little over a year after I had lost the first, after he developed FATE. He had been diagnosed with heart disease and diabetes, and I had cared for him for 20 months when I had to let him go. I wasn't prepared for it when the day came to let them go, even though I had known the day would come. Losing a pet can be more devastating than losing a human friend/family who is not living under the same roof. They are totally reliant on us for their well being, and are part of our daily lives & routines 24/7. I have still not come to terms with both losses, even though my first loss was over one and a half years ago and the second now almost 3 months ago. I still cry for them. So whatever helps you get through your grief is right for you. Never feel ashamed or guilty for the intensity of emotions that are overwhelming you. It helps to have your kitties Oreo and Garfield to console you.

Journalling is for expressing thoughts and feelings that may not be talked about with others. Journalling is very personal and usually not shared. It can be used to get out what is inside your mind and soul. Expressing grief or loss is very difficult. Journaling allows you to organize and clear out how you feel. Once on paper it helps you to move on with your own life.

What a wonderful way to assist your journey after his passing. I must try this next time I lose a loved one, whether a fur baby or human! Pets are part of our family, and at each one's passing it really does it hard. My sincere condolences.

I have a Burgundy Kaweco Sport. I had my puppy chew on it to get her teeth marks all over it. It has a couple deep indentations without puncturing all the way through, along with a lot of tiny teeth marks. I will always have this pen as a reminder. I will always have a piece of her that I can use.

ebonite feeds? Lamy feed?

Thank you for sharing this. Losing our pet family members is so hard. And what a blow to have it be so sudden. Prayers for comfort

Roy, I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved Stewie. He looks like a kitty I had years ago that I loved so much. Both are so beautiful. I lost my sweet girl, Bitsy, 13 months ago. She was a Maine Coon tortie mix, and she was the best kitty I've ever had, but aren't they all? There was something special about her, though. I haven't been able to jorunal much since she went to Heaven, I can't seem to open up. If someone had suggested it could be grief related, I would have thought they were crazy. Then I heard you talk about Stewie, and as tears ran down my face, I realized that's exactly what my problem is. Grief has no organization, no rules, no gracce period, or end time. Those who say otherwise have never experienced a loss of any magnitude. It's something we make up as we go along, another day without them, yet we contiune on so their memory and our love for them will be honored. As I write this comment, I have a 13 week old little girl named Sofie on my shoulder purring loudly. You, Stewie, and Sofie have helped me realize that it's time to get back to my journals and pen a letter to my Bitsy. I will paint her portrait as well, something I've been putting off. I'll be praying for you and your wife. One day, you will be with Stewie agin in Heaven. 🙏🏻

I can relate with how you feel about using a Journal to cope with something at first and then not wanting to go back to it because it begins to bring up feelings that I don't necessarily want to feel. Almost like it's helpful, but then turns harmful. I would assume time might heal the wounds and I can go back to the journal at a much later date and express how I feel then but I haven't used a journal to cope with things quite that devastating to be honest. It was usually high school or college crushes. Nowadays I really only keep prayer journals, and take notes down in church, but it does help go through the collection of inks and pens, and it's kind of neat to flip through them and see all the different colors and nib sizes I've used over the course of a book! I am sorry about Stewie. I lost my cat about a year ago relatively suddenly too, and there are times when I really miss her still. I don't imagine I'll ever forget her

I am so sorry. It's always so hard to lose a loved one.

Every day? NO! Do NOT force yourself- it is not a job or chore- your heart and spirit will tell you when to write- not a clock or calendar- when your heart speaks then you will know. Only then.

PS- so glad you brought his ashes home; when I became too old, post cardiac. to dig deep and bury our deceased pets in our small graveyard, I also began to have them cremated, and their urns are on our mantel. AND I am glad you are writing to him in a dedicated book. For almost the first year after my beloved wife died, I wrote ( typed) to her several times a week... going over memories, regrets, thoughts. I also have and Oreo Domino, btw, tuxedo of course. Since I am retired now, I know I have more time than you, but whenever one of my cats wants to sit in my lap because he or she seems lonely, then we sit with the cat in my lap as long a it takes... I send my love and blessings to you, your wife and your babies.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your furbaby, Stewie. Cats don't show that they are sick until they are very sick. You don't know what you know until you know. Please don't regret anything you didn't do with Stewie because he taught you what the important things are with furbabies. And Stewie helped you understand the love you felt for him helps you learn to give more love and care now to the furbabies you still have... We lost our furbabies to kidney disease about 3 years ago. Our Ginny was 19 y.o. & our Forrest was 17 y.o. I couldn't take the house being so quiet after Ginny passed. After about a week, we just couldn't take it anymore. We had a quiet house and now furbabies... We decided to open our hearts again and adopt two other furbabies a bonded pair we named Gomez and Morticia two tiny little black kittens. Now it's been 3 years with Gomez and Morticia, and our hearts are full again. We still talk about our Forrest and Ginny and we can see their urns and think about them everyday. If you want to learn more about cats you could visit Jackson Galaxy's YT cat channel: www.youtube.com/@JacksonGalaxy Be well, enjoy your furbabies, and think about the good memories of Stewie ❤‍🩹

I love fountain pens and I write constantly. I use notebooks a lot, for all sorts of subjects and projects, but not currently as a diary. I used to keep a diary on a daily basis, believing that was the proper way to maintain one. After all, the term "diary" implies daily writing. However, I consistently struggled to maintain this habit. During particularly challenging periods in my life, I felt compelled to resume keeping a diary. I didn't have any particular method - and I still don't have one. I used the diary as an overflow. When circumstances improved, the urge to write would fade. Despite attempts to force myself to continue, I found no purpose or success in doing so. A family tragedy later rekindled my journaling habit, and it was then that I finally realized this specific need of mine only manifests during painful, distressing, or stressful moments. Now that I'm aware of this pattern, I'm grateful for my lack of diligence in daily journaling. It signifies that life isn't always difficult; there are good days too - days without the need to fill a diary. Should the urge to journal strike again - which it inevitably will - I'll start a new notebook for that troubled episode in my life. This is how I've come to approach journaling: as a coping mechanism for challenging times rather than a daily obligation.

I completely relate and empathize with you, Roy. I lost my girl, Tipsy (she was the most beautiful Calico in the world ..says her human mom), after 17 yrs of love, laughter, and joy. I found her in a grocery store parking lot at approx 3 wks of age. She still has newborn blue eyes and needed to be bottle fed. She was my constant companion and filled the whole in my heart that I had always thought a human child would fill. She crossed the rainbow bridge 3 yrs ago and I still miss her daily and cry weekly. Grieve for as long as you need to and DO NOT allow anyone to dismiss your pain or allow anyone to tell you to get over it. Had my girl been around when I became a FP enthusiast last year I know that I would have had to buy her an inexpensive "shark" fp because writing a letter or journaling would have been impossible to do unless she had her own similar looking "toy" to play with at the same time. Thank you for being so open and for sharing. Take care. 🙏💔❤️‍🩹

I am so terribly sorry for this- there are no magic words I can offer that will help. My late wife and I did animal rescue for decades and I know how horrific this pain is; since my wife passed, my remaining animals- two very large dogs and five kitties- are my only family. I will pray for you; and hope your friend Mika is improving.

Hello Roy. I feel your pain, sir. I just lost my 14 year old border collie mix Maggie to heart failure on June 11. It is absolutely soul crushing. You're right; losing a pet is different, and in many ways worse, than other types of grief. May Stewie rest in peace.