Iam autistic and I can’t stand people who call themselves autistic without an official diagnosis.

This is so similar to my experience. I thought I was just not naturally talented at empty conversations. I found some of the best friends of my life, forcing myself into these situations. Alcohol helped me ignore every part of myself that was uncomfortable and screaming to get away from humans. Alcohol worked until my brain finished developing around 25, then I started to become violent if I drank in excess. I don't even really like being drunk, it was just better than being sober enough to ask myself: why I was different? Now I still have a beer once in a while, but I smoke weed daily and live mostly a hermetic life ☺. The only times I don't smoke are when I know I am going to do something social with strangers - its easier to unmask and ask for a bit of breathing space if I am stone sober and a little anxious.

You said: "No one ever saw how I struggled, they only ever saw the things I was good at..." This really hit a chord with me. I think a lot of my personal trauma is a result of how I was punished as a child. People will see how capable you are in ONE place and then hold every other aspect of your behavior to the same standard. Especially if you're not diagnosed or even aware of Autism. I really liked this take, I'll keep an eye out for this book

I loved that book too! Some read it like a book about trauma and I think it's also interesting to know that the author is chronically I'll.

I also didn't like "Laziness Does Not Exist". It was full of examples of extremely hardworking upper middle class people who thought they were being lazy, but they werent. That was basically it. Very little discussion on disability or class. Not exactly useful for a burnt out autistic. But like you, I quite enjoyed Unmaking Autism. The mix of personal examples and academic information was really well executed.

Yeah i am around fifty and was quite open with people when i finally accepted i am autistic... At first. I do not bother anymore. Most people have absurdly offensive over-reactions no matter what. Especially the people who proclaim themselves to be supportive people. Oftentimes, even when they get confronted about being horrible, then they start painfully coming up wih lame excuses and ridiculous backpedaling. Its just such a bother being disappointed by people. Just medicate me up and leave me alone. Dealing with people has never been worth the very high risk of being exposed to creatures like them.

Could you review my book? Living with autism undiagnosed

I found the book very frustrating. I got 6 or 7 chapters in and threw it away. So much repetition. It wound me up. Obviously not written for me

I rather buy Drake's book lol. He's still working on it tho...

This was a wonderful poem and performance. Also made me think of the goddess Oshun as well with the bees and honey imagery. Powerful and I agree with AlmostAndre777---this was a royal declaration.

Thank you for sharing this, it's thoughtful and honest. My copy of this book quickly has become full of highlighter and post its. There's a lot of grief but it does feel like the pain is finally for something. Like if it's now grief then something has at least passed and things are no longer the same. I've been trying to put all my thoughts together, hearing the review has been fantastic. Thx again

So I’m realizing being in a goth club is just basically a bunch of people stim dancing 💀😂 I’m not laughing at you or your dancing at all I’m more so trying to point out that it’s very normalized to just throw your body about in whatever way feels right at places like Goth Clubs and Raves too. Sorry if I communicate my point poorly!! 😅

Thank you for sharing the review. Can relate

Hi. I've only seen a few of these. I'm glad to see you're in a good place. One of my few friends only ever bought clothes from thrift stores, so you are in good company. I've read the man in the High Castle. As you know, it's that Amazon series set in a parallel universe. The things about the I Ching were interesting and then I felt (but I was very young at the time, and maybe just didn't understand it) it does that thing where it gets lost for half the book. I did read a lot of Phil K Dick at one time or the other. Generally, (shouldn't generalise, but anyway) he writes about parallel universes, the war, President Freeman (who I thought was Nixon), drugs and a pan-dimensional godhead. They are often quite similar, which may have appealed to me for some reason, in that there's often a former lover called Pris, the main character is usually deeply unhappy, somewhat unlikeable, possibly insane and often managing a complex and miscellaneous narcotics problem, who goes on to suffer some kind of psychic trauma, before saving the world through some small, but essential (and I'm going to say 'esoteric') action. Sometimes the FBI is involved and sometimes they are set in Berkley. For a long time I wanted to write a parody novel where Richard Branson was the King of Mars. (Nobody had heard of Elon at the time)

Queen Bee has spoken

Hello! I am 16 and diagnosed with autism. I never understood why people or other autistics didn’t agree with self diagnosis…like before I was diagnosed I self diagnosed and guess what, I was right! Even if you look at studies, they show most people who self diagnose do end up having autism after they get a official diagnosis and if they don’t I’m sure they probably didn’t self diagnosis to be mean they probably had valid reasons to believe they were autistic and are still neurodivergent in some way.

Hi my name is Simon, and I was diagnosed with Autism around 11years ago , and I'm 59 this year . I think please continue to to do your vlogs your way , as everyone who has autism is different , and unique. Please can you let me know where I can get that book from Unmasking Autism. Take care , Simon from the UK .

when people say stuff like "you're not autistic, you just wanna be different," I'm like "you think I wanna be different in comparison to who? there are only 2 beings that I can comfortably communicate with, and they are my cat and my mom, I'm completely isolated most of the time." also I feel like most autistic people regardless of how much they can mask, will only disclose their diagnosis when there's a crisis, meltdown, burnout, shutdown, etc.

YES LAWD NORMALISE THIS

25 here and just figured it out slowly the last few years. Still trying to figure out how to accept the world, myself, and the fact that noone will tell me, frankly, how fucked up I am. As a very high functioning, it seems like Im autistic when its helpful to others and that its ridiculous to think I would be when its not Also, feel very similar to you and your description of your autism

He blocked me on twitter for asking what a tweet of his meant, literally after reading the part of the book that encourages autistic people to not be afraid to ask when they don’t understand things.

Prior to accepting I'm Autistic, I did a deep-dive into anti-Racism and anti-Colonialism. The Anglosphere (UK+Canada/Australia/NewZealand/UnitedStates=CANZUS) pushes a supremacist ideology where there is a specific "ideal" that is at the top of a hierarchy (white, male, cis, hetero, neurotypical, specific body capabilities, etc, etc). The "othering" and pathologizing is common, with eugenics (scientific racism) mindsets not being historical but ongoing. Intersectionality is so much a factor. How Autism is observed externally is cultural specific and tied to imposed gender roles, so the assessment criteria is still so out-of-date. I am happy to have learned this critical aspect -- only certain in the last year. I feel so much affirmation knowing there is a community.

I really, really appreciate your saying you are doing this in your style. That is never appreaciated by Neurotypical people when an Autistic person communicates in Autistic style. In fact, what you said was really beautiful, and I should say something similar at the beginning of every court paper and bar admission I file.

hey I relate to that feeling of not getting attention/love from the people you had wanted it from but instead from others and then like learning to accept that

I haven't read any of the hated books here, but I really enjoyed Such a Fun Age.

Oof. The boxes of "treasures" from mom. Too relatable. Hard agree crossbody bag are the only bags. I have a mini canvas backpack one I use all the time. Great for pins!

I am here for the ramble, thanks for the highly relatable content. It me. Except I am "an old", fat, white, have an entire expired marriage under my belt, and am just figuring all of this out now. And my mom is the hoarder. I saw your Unmasking Autism review, loved your take. I also listened to the audiobook not too long ago. I understand when when you say you know that you know. I am so glad you are also finding your answers. It really feels like falling out of the matrix and seeing things as they are for the first time. Finding community with people who have similar experiences has been so healing for me already. I'm still a hot burnt out mess, but at least it makes sense now. 😅 I got diagnosed with ADHD just before I turned 42. Now that I just turned 44, I'm in the process of getting a full neuropsychological evaluation. I figured out I'm autistic as well since my ADHD diagnosis. I'm going for the formal assessment (after a lot of consideration) because I'm in the privileged position to do so now, and have a relatively low risk of negative or unintended consequences of a diagnosis. Not that this was easy to coordinate, especially in my burnt out state. For real, fuck this "system". Self identification is 100% valid and hopefully the wave of the future!

Hello. I'm from Bulgaria and last month I went on a journey to figure out I'm autistic. I'm currently self diagnosed and I am trying to get professional assessment about it. The idea of the "correct" person definitely applies to my country, if at a different configuration of it. I find the label autistic describes me perfectly and really explains my sensory issues and difficulties understanding emotions and people in general. The feeling of being alone and strange hits really hard. I always assumed I was just wrong and needed to become more normal, yet it always failed. So far every job I've worked at has only been for a few months every time. I'm hoping that my next job I can maintain for much longer. The prodigy thing has always been such a huge issue with me. I act smart because it's an easy way to try and mask all of my different struggles that I have, so I would constantly act like I knew about everything. The strawberry system has been very important to me, as I don't actually understand who genuinely only wants good things from me. Many people have used me, and I allowed them to get away with things they really never should have. I really struggle with telling who is actually telling me a lie. The communication with other autistics is so true by the way. I find that speaking to autistics is far far easier than trying to speak to NTs. The vulnerability to extremists is something I experienced. I got into nazi stuff very deeply into my teens. It took me years to finally escape that environment and realize it was actually awful. For me masking was something I struggled with, and I feel like the masks I've done have been so imperfect and I dedicated time even when alone to just mask, that I need to be myself. I don't have friends in real life and I'm queer, so I don't think I have much to lose from just being a little bit more weird. I've never actually come off as normal, so I think I'm one of those cases where I just can't mask very well. I've read this book as a recommendation as other autistics were walking me through the process of figuring out my own autism. It was honestly eye opening. Sorry that this comment was all over the place. I've been listening along and writing my thoughts as they came out. i'm always so happy to hear other autistics and connect to them. Thank you so much for this video!

I saw a psychiatrist after waiting 6 months and she didn’t believe I was autistic. And I was already diagnosed by a psychologist specialising in autism at that point. After my psychologist had schooled her a little on how autism often presents differently in girls, she started to adjust her opinion. So, you might even go to a trained professional and still not come out with a diagnosis that correctly identifies your neurotype. Putting all your faith in an official diagnosis is not always the answer but even worse it denies an identity to the people who don’t have that access in the first place.

I think your great thank you for letting us how you see this subject.

I own a copy of The Secret Lives of Color too! Haven't read it yet.

"Swert?" got me hahaha I find it interesting how you're going through your adventures realizing you don't really like talking to people in public but you keep emphasizing that you're drawing the eye up (to your face) with the collar styles and jewelry and your notes on color theory...idk lol Also, every black piece of clothing you showed off looks like it came out of my closet XD

oooh, I love shiele But didn't know he wrote poetry!! I love eye spy books, too!!! Great video! It was interesting to hear your thoughts on all these books! I look forward to see more of what you read and write, as well as any other content you want to make in 2024!

Just started watching but already liking and appreciating your intro / disclaimer.

Hia! Adding The Pattern Seekers to my list! Siân ❤

LOVED post traumatic! do you have any recs for similar books? i know you mentioned assembly.. is it worth reading?

I can completely relate to being high masking at work but secretly really struggling in private. For one of my jobs, I would take a 4 hour nap after work and it puzzled me because I was sleeping well and it wasn’t physically exhausting. Turns out it was exhaustion from masking all day and dealing with sensory triggers. I loved this book and am enjoying your review. Thanks for sharing!

I didn't realize i'm autistic until I was almost 32. It's been about 3 years and i'm also self identified. The full story involves my reading journey to. I struggled with reading comprehension growing up but I did like reading. I didn't realize I have aphantasia as well, or that i'm autistic, and just needed to slow down so I could process what I was reading. When I was 26 in 2015 I said screw it, i'm going to conquer reading. I started with Harry Potter since I wasn't allowed to read that as a kid but had wanted to, then I found booktube and it spiraled from there and I figured out my issue with reading. Well through reading I kept finding books i'd relate to the characters and go "Omg me to!" but i'd see a ton of people hating those characters and it'd kinda feel like a personal attack because they'd hate the characters for things I related to... and then i'd find autistic people, again and again this would happen, that would go and say "those characters are autistic to!" and head-canon them as autistic and at first i'd go "I'm not autistic" because all I had in my head were stereotypes about it and the stigma, how it was a bad thing. Until finally it happened so many times I wanted to scream and finally went "OK OK I'LL LOOK INTO THIS AUTISM BUSINESS" and.. long story short... I realized it explained everything. It explained me and it wasn't this awful thing. I'm proud to be autistic now but because it's only been 3 years and I didn't learn until my 30s i'm also just realizing how much i've been masking my whole life and am working on undoing that but I literally am just now beginning to see how much I mask because I can be so stimmy when i'm by myself..but around other people it's an entirely different story. It's kinda weird to think about because I was born disabled and knowing it because I was born with vacterl association. So i've always known i'm (physically) disabled, I just didn't know I was neurodivergent to. I have this book but I haven't read it yet. I've been meaning to. I really need to get to it. Wonderful review and i'm glad I saw it before reading it. My mom has also since realized she's autistic and her dad, my grandfather. Not sure about some other family members but possibly.

I love this!!! I’ve been doing this for years and didn’t know it was stimming! It’s so freeing

YAASSSS. I love making battle jackets, I'm working on my third and while they might be loosely "themed" I also don't have any band patches on mine which honestly we need more of. Hmu if you want a custom patch and can't find it / don't want to make it 💜

Fun battle vest. I like the squiggles that does make it unique.

I am teaching this graphic novel in a college class tomorrow, so I was curious to hear what you had to say about the book. I think your review is excellent. Your video is so good, in fact, that I am thinking I might show it in class to see what my students have to say in response to your comments. So, thank you for putting out this content.

I am Finally in a really happy place, after being in a place that was often crap and stressful for ages followed by a place of feeling just relief and contentedness. Now I have fully embraced stim dancing which I do to music when I am feeling especially happy and energetic, fizzing even sometimes.

I love the new direction of the channel! Also, you know how certain phrases you mentioned like "Silver and Gold" immediately unlock core memories for you? Mine is when someone says "haberdashery" it reminds me of the end of the rock mockumentary Spinal Tap when they ask the fictional frontman of Spinal Tap what he'd do if he wasn't a rockstar. He sort of mumbles on and on and then goes "Like...I think I'd like to own a haberdashery--" or something like that lol. Anyways, that was a long tangent. I like how you edit these current videos! And I'm always curious to see what is thrifted. :D

This book brought me to tears.

Pretty cool finds, especially the shoes.

Masking is a survival strategy, in a world not designed for us neurospicy folkes. When your judged blamed and shamed unless you mask, it's exhausting and damaging for my mental health, Agree with SO much you say much 😚❤ and gratitude to you.

Hell YES, litterraly me too! Just as you say has also been my lived experience. When you live your whole life being judged, corrected, blamed and shamed for being yourself and masking your arse off till you totally break. I self identity too, and as you say it's a massive relief finally finding a community of others who are neurospicy is amazing. Finally not the only person who feels like an alien who hasn't been allowed the how to live book. So much neurotypical be makes no sence. Have you found ear defenders or ear plugs? When I discovered I had so many traits and finally learning what helps my sensory issues, I tried them, finally turning the volume down on the world. I don't get why neurotypical is held up as the goal. We need divergence, it's for for the world and existance. The free thinkers like us, are the inventors the ones who find solutions to stuff others can't process. Really like your video a lot. Have you found Chloe Hayden she has some great nd videos too. You tubers like you help the community SO much. Lived experience is so valid and it's so helpful for someone like me figuring things out. Thanks so much. I call mine creative wiering. I came think neurotypical coz my brain just isn't wired that way.

wow.wow.wow. you sound like me just a few months ago, just found out in a similar way at the age of 47! And I also loved this book.

One thing is the people telling you to stop rambling could themselves be autistic. The frustrating thing is getting push back from other autistics from their black and white way of thinking that you are not doing something the "right" way. Some of the people that I've butted heads with have themselves been (i now believe) autistic. 🤷‍♂ Anyways, thank you for the review, I haven't made it all the way through the book yet, but coming to terms with my autism has been a game changer for me.