That's hard. Some kids are like that and it's ok, they just want to process things on their own. Kids have the ability certainly to work through their emotions on their own, as parents we only need to help when it is helpful to the child.

You should probably talk to your pediatrician about why she is crying so often. She could be neurodivergent, have a sensory processing disorder, or some family therapy might be needed, or she could have an underlying medical condition.

In what way is it not work?

Interesting observations. Thanks.

You're right. That's a really good point. This is not easy to do if you're stressed out. And yes, most of us didn't get this kind of parenting growing up. We are reparenting ourselves, while we are parenting our kids. Not easy.

Diana, great question. In my experience as a preschool teacher, it's been helpful to say to young ones "It looks like you're feeling sad" or "Oh you fell down that must have been scary". By the adults making guesses at the feelings it helps the kids build their emotional vocabulary.

Thanks for those time stamps!

That's great, Ryan. What an advantage to start parenting this way when your kids are young, right? It is fascinating how quickly they learn.

me too

Agreed, it all happens so quickly with our kids growing up. I didn't know that I needed this info as early as I did.

@@Happilyfamily I'm glad to have it now as I have an 8 year old but my family of origin has, for the most part, been destroyed by substance abuse. Just terrible.

Agreed! Do you have any good tips for building that support and trust?

Since it was relatable... Was this video helpful for you?

That's tricky. Sometimes I ask "when is a good time to talk about this?" Other times I might write a note. In my experience most of the time kids are open to these conversations... unless a child thinks that they are in trouble or they might be punished or that they've disappointed us.

I agree. I think it starts with me understanding myself and then having empathy for my child.

You could try role modeling these things for your child, practice these techniques at home, or practice initiating play with more familiar kids (or a more familiar location) so your child wouldn't be as shy.

Great question. I'd probably do a lot of the same things. In this video I talked a lot about "entering into play". I recognize that teens have different ways to connect and socialize and "play", but these same concepts work, no matter how old your child is.

I agree with you and that we're all in the process of growing up, no matter how old we are.

I hear you. I can be so challenging for everyone involved.

Thank you! Cheers!

You and I are similar in that way. I too like to write it all out! :)

Love it!! Cherish those moments of joy and laughter.

That's great to explain to your child what you are doing!

Thank you!!

Wonderful! I like that prayer too!

That's great!

Me too! I usually dance when no one is around! :)

Fun!

Awww... what little things can you do now to play?

I like the steps!

That really sets to bar low, I hope you don't internalize that message though because I bet you're not that terrible.

Not at the time when they are angry. After a while or even the next day you can ask 'hey remember when yesterday you got so upset ... yeah you were so upset, that didn't feel good huh? It was a yucky feeling, etc etc. Validate how they felt and then reflect on what happend..... oh and you called him stupid or hit him...yeah. and then create a plan for next time.... what do you think you can do next time? Mayne when you feel that angry feeling or upset feeling you can call me and we can count to 10 or practice to walk away to breathe etc etc. So create a plan what to do next time.

@@olgabushak2942 thank you so much I will try this with my kiddos

:) good luck . I'm learning too. I've realized that instead of trying to make perfect children that DONT get mad or angry instead I've realized that all those feelings a kid has are VALID so as long as you validate the feeling (I can see you are SO upset) not judging not agreeing just validate with no bad/good reaction THEN you can help them what to do with them. So when they grow up and experience these feelings through out life they will know what tools they have vs being shamed that they are BAD for having these feelings. My favorite is when it IS happend in the moment is ' It ok to be mad/angry it's Not ok to hit/scream. You can tell me you are angry use your words I'm listening' also hardest things is to stay CALM when they are falling apart. Just be precent you don't have to make them feel better right away just be there and be the guidance without shaming.

@@olgabushak2942 amen amen wow so much grace I love what you're saying it makes sense ❤️

Agreed @olgabushak!

Our own experiences can often be a source of inspiration to do things differently. Best of luck to you.

I think she's pointing out that the best way teach kids is to model the behavior you want to see. If they see their parents "beating themselves up" with self-criticism, that is what they will learn no matter what the parents try to teach them.

Agreed!

I hope he is not involved in CHILD TRAFFICKING out of UCLA, is he?

❤🫂💗

❤ beautiful, I think just knowing is the first step 🙏🏽

Hear him first whats troubling him... then, hug him tight very tight... and appreciate, reward and let him understand that everyone is experiencing some kind of these.. love❤️ is the best medicine... and lots of hugs🙏🙏❤️❤️

I just started working in preschool and noticed a 3yo child was not ready to play yet with others (he was content with observing first) ... and at that age - children have 'parallel play ' -- they play next to / not exactly with - each other --- In time as he reached 4yo he was ready to engage in more play with others ... It is best to allow him to play at home in all sorts of ways (being allowed to discover & explore his environment in a safe manner) and he will eventually become comfortable doing this at school --- some (maybe 50%) children are introverts and that's normal and perfectly fine!!! and prefer alone play --- No need to worry -- all that matters is the child feels free to explore without limits/punishment (unless the exploratin is NOT safe ) ... I am not an expert on the matter - just what little I know. hope this helps!

Maybe try and help him interact or play a game with him before you leave; getting him comfortable with the kids could be helpful for him and also distracting once it works so u can slip out. Be sure to check in with the teachers or children's aids they might also notice some of his favourite games or things that work with him it really is a team effort at these places and no kid wants to be felt abandoned so help him get involved. :)

Some kids are just not ready, Aspergers children or highly sensitive children may need some more time at home.

Play him a video that role plays how to join a group - he probably needs the skills.

It's normal for a child to react to separation. If you become more distressed than him, that won't help. You need to be the "sturdy pilot". He needs permission to say what he's feeling (and if you freak out too he won't feel that). You can say something like "mommy always comes back". He views you as the regulator of his nervous system (which you are). He's wondering, how will I regulate myself on my own? This is what Dan Siegel is teaching. How to guide a child through the emotions (which is a process they will eventually internalize due to repetition with you). Another good idea might be to introduce them to a surrogate attachment figure at the playschool. Children who are clingy have been taught to fear exploration. And children who fear closeness will explore, but in a flat, insecure way. A secure attachment figure allows kids to come and go, as they need. They are like an unconscious secure base and safe haven. "Because I know you're there if I need you, I can explore freely, and return when I need to." Children, ideally, will have this type of relationship with someone who's there so they can control their "proximity" to the attachment figure. I don't have to think about you because I trust that you are there.

It's the ALSUP, the outline of it is in Dr Ross Greene books or on his website. It helps you identify lagging skills.

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