Going on seven years without a vacation, promises not fofilled

My concerns are not his.

I was told to express myself, the house had not been painted in many years, so the writing is on the walls. Anger set in

I am not sure how detrimental this is going to be, but I went COMPLETELY ZERO CONTACT with my ex husband of 16 years and we have a teenager (15 year old girl) that obviously don’t co-parent. However, as much as I have tried to consider having minimal contact for my daughter’s sake, I freeze, my anxiety is much more and I can’t find a real valid reason since he does nothing to keep in contact with our daughter, nor does he provide anything financially. B

Great job!

What we have to realize is that longevity does not mean success...

Love this❤"" 22:22 Fear will come itbis a very human response ": Best quote.

I agree that "mothering" is a very masculine role. What I have experienced is that there is no end to it. And if you "mother" a male that had lack and currently has lack, it is very depleting because this relationship can quickly be manipulated:

I think living in a narc partnership is like reliving your childhood wounds, as the narc plays theirs out on you. It seems like the most heinous betrayal of trust I can think of. How deeply sad that anyone could be so cruel, and keep passing the buck onto others. We, at least, need to face up to our past. Use the narcs hurt to reveal what needs healing in you. Let your healing be what you gain. Otherwise we are just going to be casualties. Healing and grief are one and the same. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone ❤

Hi all, I experienced 16 years marriage where sacrificed all I had. After divorce he continued to manipulate me and my children. Any advice to coo parent ( where he live in other country and only see children few weeks in a year… ) Financial things also not cleared… it is very painful and long journey and yeah that guilt and shame feeling is a huge issue to move and start living. Sadly there is not much legal help.

Can go both ways. My wife’s the bread winner

Couples that have separate finances are statistically more likely to divorce. And that’s what these women are really advocating for. “Sarah, you need your own account so when you’re ready, you can bail on your husband.” If my wife suddenly had her own account I would lose a lot of faith in the strength of our relationship. It would look like she was either preparing to leave, or wanted to be sneaky about how she spends money. We put all our money in one account. We do have separate things like a 401k because that’s through work. But for all the money we bring home it goes to one place.

Stop the cap. Its amazing how they say women can do and be anything. Then in the next sentence speak about women like they are ignorant children. Then make women victims of financial abuse when they make no effort to be involved in the finances.

Yeah…. My ex wrote permanent marker on the bathroom wall of our family home 🏡 ~ very scary stuff!!!

Ooh we definitely stigmatize divorce today. Absolutely!!! 💯 It’s a societal issue~ the shame and judgement around it, Indeed!!

So true you are geious dr remani om after 8 years with cover narc its over with him

Thank you for your channel & this awesome community! I’m on the healing journey for the last year from a Narcissist ex, I’m grieving his loss & losing my Dad in result of COVID, finally after 11 or so Hoovers, I closed the door shut 3 months! Thank you Dr. Ramani, you’ve helped me from the beginning of my awakening moment, I’m always grateful for your knowledge & all the warriors teachings us to be strong to put our health & safety first! Bless you all!

They don’t care - my narc ex-husband told me many times that emotions are needless and that I should not have them😢

Helllo Cassindy Chao

Amazing video

Childhood, bad marriage, many bad relationships... I found Dr. Ramani in January this year (2024).. This is now July and I have finally figured out that I have essentially been grieving my whole life over not truly feeling loved. Yes periodically but never for an extended time. I'm 66 now and finally reading the books I've owned for years, learned to knit.. doing things every single day that I want to do. I'm finally getting UNstuck from forever living my life in service to other people. Thank you for all the self help books, video's, information... I really appreciate Dr. Ramani for identifying the VICTIMS of abusive people - frankly I couldn't care less whether they are narcissist's - it just feels so good for an "authority figure" to finally say to me that it's not okay for anyone to be abusive and that it's okay for me to have my feelings no matter how I got them. I just always felt like a target and prey. I'm sick to death of literally being blamed and shamed for everything when I did not do anything wrong. I never could understand how it seemed that I just have a knack for attracting crazy and abusive people to me. I am very focused (finally) on just do what Iiiiiiii want to do every single day. My life is finally starting to feel comfortable 😌

The person I have become, don’t like it

Keep in mind when being kept busy in that loop to loop stuff, other things outside of that are being devalued intentionally , professionals seem to have made counciliing even devalued , paying someone to talk people out of laying charges against a thief , that type of thing. Good luck. Knocks the live out of it to end up seeing no evil hearing none of it and not speak to neighbour's that a child might need bur don't speak to anyone, type of thing. Having the balls to call out the psyche pitty pot thing , get a real job sort of thing , philanthropists, keep your money and see if things get better or stay the same or worse. Most likely alot people will choose employment instead of bombing when there's no one left in the u.n to clean it up working on fumes. If this essay doesn't let you all know where it's headed then I suppose getting heads out of peopkes button is a good thing .move forward on better principles.

This whole talk is everything I experienced, Everything I did, accepted, told myself. My therapist never directed me to an article, a book or a video. She sent me to couples therapy which is not NOT recommended bc the narc will put on his mask and charm the therapist. Which is exactly what happened and then he got to say “we tried therapy and YOU couldn’t do it”. 👌🏼

To be fair, people who don't know you and just see the house you live in and the kind of lifestyle you lead judge you on what crap have you had to go through that you weren't down a women's shelter scared to death, or that your Father didn't leave you high and dry and ran off with the receptionist at work - or you didn't have your Mother coming home each night with sexual partners and some did the unthinkable to you - so how bad could someones elses life be in a big house with money with beautiful clothes and having everything you wanted. What about the fact that it was because of your Mom pushing you forward to excel in French or singing lessons, and that was the only time you felt like your Mom loved you for your accomplishments and not as you? That you've spent an entire week being ignored as your Moms given you the silent treatment. That you can't tell your friends that your narcissistic brother or sister has done something bad and you have to conceal something that you know is sickening for your family. That you know what they think to your friends but you wouldn't dare repeat it. That you know your family will talk about your favourite Aunt behind her back and you can't say anything to her, you ever try and warn her your family aren't nice people your name is now dirt, whether or not your looking out for your Aunt you're now disloyal and your discarding starts. Things that you never expect your parents to come out with they will. You know they're cruel, but it's completely different when it's being done to you. Just because some people have a picture-perfect life doesn't mean to say they have one.

I didn't have a good relationship with the narcissist I dated, but it was a relationship. He wanted all these long term things like marriage and kids and I thought I'd have a real chance at those things but he never did what he said he was going to do, that he'd find us a flat, and I was like game on, I'll move I'm sick of my Mom interfering but he was full of hot air and promises that he just didn't deliver on. So, if anyone asked me what the cons were, it would be that he wanted long-term goals like I've previously stated and the fact that he wasn't running away from me. I knew I could be too much for some boys even though I wasn't trying to be it was probably a bit like love bombing on my end where I wanted to spend time with dates I was interested in. I wouldn't call it chasing, but if a boy growing up said he liked me, why wouldn't he spend any time for me? Boys had to communicate to me they liked me before I did anything. Anyway, this relationship he wasn't pulling away, so I thought he was a keeper, but the lies he told to try to impress both myself and my family were ridiculous. I tried to tell him i understand why he'd do it, but you don't have to do that with me because I understood the need to want to impress and be thought well of. Whereas I'd cop to it and say I shouldn't have done that but that I wanted that approval and love from, especially my Mother, he wouldn't. There were plenty of cons so much about him I could really write a long list of cons and about two positives. I didn't know what was wrong with him back then but I was prepared to accept him the way he was, I wasn't whiter than white, I understood some darkness but not things like when he admitted he conned his grandmother to give him money to come down to see me because he'd come to mine via train. Or the fact I knew he was a thief cos he took me to a carboot and said these were great places to take things from. I just remembered thinking yeah not on my watch, he could do what he liked without me so to prevent anything from happening, I spoke louder than usual, I cooed over nice things on stalls and started messaging with different ring tones on my phone to the point he came to me laughing and said he couldn't steal anything with me around. And there was other stuff he did shouting at me in the middle of the pub because I wouldn't give him two pounds to waste in the slot machine. That I told him I'd try giving up smoking, I didn't say I would but that I'd try and when he asked if I'd had any I proudly said I only had one but the fact that I just had one warranted him shouting at me in the middle of another pub and wouldn't stop until he saw tears. He would create nicknames for my family stupid safari animal names and made me call my sister a giraffe, my Dad a rino and my Mom a chimpanzee and he'd double down on me to call them by these names. Of course, I didn't want to. It was stupid and I stammered and stuttered over being made to do something i didn't want to do. He said hed disown me if i ever wore this one top he found in my draw and i did wear that regularly. He told me he was in love with someone else whilst in the relationship with me and when I ran off to cry he caught up to me and the seccond I burst into tears he put his hand around my mouth but I couldn't come to my Mom with all of this. She hated his guts, my sister too. Even then, I didn't have that good of a relationship to come to my Mom, and so when a lot of things had gone on over the course of six months and we were arguing via text and I said that's right isn't it? My Mom was right about you all along? And he laid into me about being a child that I've gone squeeling to my Mom about everything hed done wrong proving I was just a child something shifted in my head, because I wouldn't have done that. I was too embarrassed and covered for his lies when I knew the mortifying truth, that I'd eat two full Sunday dinners because he refused to eat anything my parents made to the point I was running down the garden thinking I was going to be sick thinking Mom and Dad didn't need another reason to dislike him. He was wrong, and I started partially angrily tapping back if you really think like that, you never knew me because he wasn't this attentive person who wanted to know everything about me. He never got to know the real me..

That section in the front of the book about the Hunter and the Lion was so powerful I had to put the book down. I couldn't read anymore because as simple as it was explained, my mind had to absorb the words especially because for the best part of a year I've been writing my own autobiography and wondered how I could communicate it in this on going book I was doing because this has been my frustration for a long time. I've made it clear that growing up, I've been bullied, developed a stammer and part of a disability I have is that I don't articulate as well as others or explain a situation so well so in my later years when I'm having frequent issues with my family I'm basically saying they listen to each other as the truth so if my Mom has a problem with me, or somethings happened badly between the both of us (I don't normally draw other family members in she does) but the way she'll present what's happened has taken place it's said in a certain way as if I'm coming across maliciously and I've heard things she's said even with my sister and I'm left thinking yeah if it's spoken in that such of a way to other family members of course they'll think terribly of me controlling the narrative. I'm not saying I haven't tried to say what really happened but they don't listen to me. What really happened is irrelevant now because they believe Mom or my sister and I can't convince them of anything. Yet, all my family have at various stages said they know me, they understand me and I'm left thinking if they did, truly did they wouldn't believe all the twisted things they've said because if either my Dad or my sister said did I or did I not say those words I can't deny I haven't said them but how Mom would have driven the punch lines in would have been completely diffrent as to how I would have said it and even, even if I could get across over two hours of a family intervention that's not how I'd have meant it and I think they're listening to me then they've just come back with but you have to watch the things you say and how they come across. So there is no winning. There is no support. I have to be okay with the fact either my sister, Mother or sometimes on occasion my Father will control the narrative. I don't think I'm ever going to be okay with my family thinking terribly about me and they've hurt me to high heaven because of it but I can't change the way they think of me which is why I entitled my autobiography Fallen From Grace. There's a dark side to it for sure, but there's light at the end of the tunnel where I feel more authentic which is better than feeling controlled

His family in miss. Are unablers

For six months he has been better, I have c-pest. He can’t handle my rumination etc.

Left for two months, before trail. Guess what he was doing. He has said he didn’t like himself

1999-2024. After 2016-17. Full blown, physical, emotional, psychological, financial, neglect, verbal abuse, manipulation. Arrested twice for DV. Lack of evidence, 8 years everyday, 11 events were physically, don’t include threats,distrusted of items many. When one is in this state how to function day to day.

My father is an EXTREME NARCISSIST! Then my Ex husband DID NOT SHOW SIGNS UNTIL AFTER HE FILED FOR DIVORCE AND TRIED TO PUNISH ME BY ALIENATING MY CHILDREN FROM ME! But the SADDEST PART FOR ME IS I DONT FEEL LOVE since all of the Abuse from my dad. So HOW DO YOU MAKE YOURSELF FEEL ANYTHING INCLUDING LOVE! I WANT SO MUCH TO LOVE! The ONLY PEOPLE I LOVE ARE MY 3 young adult children and my dog! I want soooooo desperately to Love and not be Numb and Afraid. PLEASE HELP !!!!

I just learned from you few months ago-20 years ago I divorced narcissist!!! For years I thought he was a child of holocaust survivor and I was not good enough to “cure his wounds”. Last few months I lived with my 33 y old daughter, who gave me MONSTROUS REPETITION of years with him!! I am still recovering , learning from your podcast and DREADING her visiting me! And I am no longer trying to make my other daughter make a peace with her sister. But what is a future for my Narcisa ?!?!??? Thank you doctor !!! Elizabeth, MD

Awesome

Definitely a grieving process, and taking yourself back. Loved Ramani's new book, beautifully written

Yes, he didn’t intentionally hurt me, but he didn’t even think about me and how his actions affected me. And yes, he offloaded his shame on me and was the one that looked good in public, so I’ve borne the brunt of shame on so many levels. I left but haven’t been able to work because I’m now prone to trauma responses, and I don’t know what the rest of my life is going to look like. The grief is overwhelming on so many levels. Even my parents have decided he’s the one who has his act together, and have chosen his side in many ways. So much grief over THAT.

Yes, he didn’t intentionally hurt me, but he didn’t even think about me and how his actions affected me. And yes, he offloaded his shame on me and was the one that looked good in public, so I’ve borne the brunt of shame on so many levels. I left but haven’t been able to work because I’m now prone to trauma responses, and I don’t know what the rest of my life is going to look like. The grief is overwhelming on so many levels.

Lol what horse shit.

The generational labels were very wrong, generations don't move with time lol. If you're born '65 (or so) to '80 you're gen x, '81-'95 (or so) is the millenial generation. This coming out last year would make millennials 28-42 , early 20s were already gen z

Sophie the pedophile from epstein island

It is hard, just found out my narc is Machiavelli and he planned it....heard he even makes jokes to let me getting killed now he knows I really am going to leave this time....

"Grandiose excuses" is such an apt description. I am all too familiar with them and truly exhausted by them. It seems like everything, no matter how small, becomes a huge issue for narcissists.

❤❤❤

Online dating sucks because few people will ever meet up, and there are many losers and fake profiles. I tried it off and on over the years, and I'm attractive and educated. And men over 60 are mostly fat and lame. No thanks. How old is her study on online dating?

Ask Sophie why the WE charity money landed up in her bank account

Ask Sophie why the WE charity money landed up in her bank account

Dr Ramani speaks way too fast for me.

This was an INCREDIBLE interview! I am listening to Dr. Ramani crash course! I need help as I have been with a narcissist mom, spouse and “friend”. In process of getting away from all. Thank you!!! How can I be part of your group please?

It took me 8 years to figure it out. I have been told multiple times by my friends that her behavior is not just acceptable. I was blindsighted. Now that I realized, it feels like it got too late. The emotional and psychological abuse that I have received for such a a long time has made this overall trauma more painful.

I don't believe in staying in a relationship when kids are involved as it teaches your children that this is a normal relationship so damaging. Teach your children respect selfworth and self-esteem to leave a abusive manipulator.