Thank you. My spouse and I are separated. I want us to get back together, but we each have a bunch to work on. But this gives me hope.

So what’s the solution? Divorce? At the end it sounds like you just say suck it up and take it.

Hard to maintain connection when she won't look at me, cuddle, kiss or even engage in physical intimacy. She wants the marriage with zero effort, happy to live within her walls (where it's safe).

Couples counseling has done NOTHING for relieving or addressing our affectionless / sexless marriage. she simply wants to maintain the status quo and make everything about ME instead of the dead bedroom. Just will not move one way or the other

I’d like to book an appt. 1 910-603-6585

Thank you for this video. Instead of accepting my experiences, my partner rationalizes my experiences, which in turn makes me feel bad and wrong for having feelings. Afterwards, I disconnect and feel resentful towards my partner. Additionally, emotional connection is one-sided. I come to him, hug him and giving him physical affection. He doesn't generally come to me to attempt re-connection. Or, he'll if he does, he tries with a little bit of physical affection, and I do give him credit when he does try. After a long week, when we have time together over the weekend, I sometimes want him to take the lead and be interested in getting out to do something with me. Doing something outside of the house is one way I emotionally connect - but he doesn't seem interested enough to initiate. I voiced all of this to him, but to no avail. I love him, and I know that he loves me, and I have no interest in giving up on him, but he doesn't seem to get it. This video is very insightful and has helped me to feel validated. I can't thank you enough.

Wow, this is just what I’ve been looking for! Thank you for sharing! One question, when you listed the 4 types at the end (that this approach probably won’t work with)…where does ASD level 1 fit into that (or not)?

i’m at a desperate point because I haven’t had that connection in my 25 year marriage of my wife not once and I really just don’t know what to do anymore. Mike kids are adults and I am 49 years old. I don’t look yet but I am and I don’t know what to do because I know that at this point, I don’t think that will ever be met. I think I’ll die alone. I believe my wife doesn’t even care if I live or die be honest at All.

Your advice gives me a mental plan for doing new stuff. Thanks.

My taste in women changed during my marriage. I thought "She is fun, intense, aggressive, this is great!" Years later, "WTF was i thinking? I would take warm, nurturing, and feminine now."

I am not with a narcissist - I am with an Avoidant. Complete lack of empathy, only invested in her "safety" and walls / control issues. Life dream - I want physical affection and sex - she wants NOTHING. over 8 years without as much as a kiss. Changed after we adopted the kids, and now I am an outsider and an undesired person who is just a roommate with responsibility but no affection

My wife is definitely experiencing a mid life crisis. It began with a song she heard. Everything changed at that moment. Won’t seek professional help or prescribed medication. No matter how much I try to convince her I’m here to help, it doesn’t help.

Discovered an emotional affair… she denied it and refused to admit anything even in counseling. Still works with him but she’s created some visible distance. Definitely lost trust over the last 8 years. Roommates with functional conversation. Days I feel she wants me to seduce her … thou I may want to the baggage drives me away. I guess it’s about personal pride.

My wife already braced out to another man which is a convicted felon so there was no way to use the separation to fix the marriage, a man she started an affair with a year prior to our separation which happened because I found out, at the end our small kids 3 and 6 are the ones who paid the ultimate price, parents move on, kids get served a new life reality

What about when your spouse comes up with the "It's not you, it's me" excuse and you don't knowwhat you need to change?

What if you are really unhappy because youre partner yells at you like you said with high intensentie and you say i am unhappy becouse of youre behavoir to me , i am abusive Or if im in a suicidal crisis because something really awfull happend to me and my partner is choising himself work friends before me and let me suffer. And i plee him not to go becouse im.scared that i kill myself but he leaves anyway and for two hours i cry and try to slitt my wrist. That makes me abusive.? And before that he never worked but as soon there is something wrong with me he diseded to work 24/7 and i called him egoistic. Before he justed. Smoked joints and living of my money. That that makes me abusive?

❤

All work no play. No friends. No hobbies. Wife removed me from all the things I used to enjoy. Just a joyless working robot. And she asks me why I've changed. Why I'm grumpy..moody..tried discussing this..but nothing changes. I'm in hell but don't have the will or guts to bail. I fantasize about suicide often..but I won't ever do it.😢

This is alanon. Its free for anyone who needs it. I enjoy your videos, but at least tell these people who are suffering that this is free in every city

thank you so much! that's a great explanation

This resonated with me better than anything else I’ve heard. Thank you.

we have not separated yet but it will happen. i appreciate this video. i was doing everything to push. My spouse of 25 years is leaning out. I want to save our marriage but if i am honest i need to save me. I am physically unhealthy sad and lonely because he checked out

All men should relisten to the testimony in the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial. Amber on tape recordings gives unfortunately a masterclass in verbal abuse.

Sarcasm is basically passive aggressive BS. Its almost always used to try to put somebody down and belittle.

Rhetorical Questions Like shutting the door on a mutual neutral conversation Great insight The reason I personally utilize for example What does fear means to you versus what faith means to you However no response may be coming forth However a history of no communications brings my headspace pace to connect to needing to feel sane Feeling not heard nor validated Then I include this is a hyperthetical or rhetorical manner of speaking To speak up to regain my grip on what I feel to get regain my regulation Disengaging is best till time to regain my balance my bearings manner of speech Thank you for your insight

Do you recommend a legal separation? Or working on your own

This is inspiring!

Hello. Are you still taking appointments for coaching?

If you are in relationship with a narcissist you definitely should have emotional affair. And seek support

Just stumbled onto Monika’s videos. Her material resonates w/ as a male. Spouse started to pull away about 7 yrs ago. Found out her friends were either cheating or separated. Found out spouse was expressing love to him. I’ve apologized for past behavior.. she hasn’t apologized much less admits an affair. We’ve each built a wall and simply co-exist. Thou I get a feeling that there are days she wants to be chased. I find that as a nonstarter,

My dad was verbal and my mothers other husband vas emotional.So this became my norm.

Monika, Hello I am wondering about walls versus baumdsries.

I've just come across your channel and a video on dealing with LARGE amounts of resentment would be so valuable to my marriage, my spouse and myself

When do yuy have more live streams. It really helps me to understand my wife

Don't wait too long. Everyday you wait that alimony gets more expensive. My wife took all her stuff back to Colombia. We've only been married a year and a month , but I'm 56 and I don't have time for bullshit even though it was my fault....like getting mad a lot because of finances. Regardless , I still have a right to improve myself for the next person. I'll give it Sept and bye bye. I suffered enough in my life.

Pls make a video on verbal abuse from rarely to basicall no interaction ppl. I was the scapegoat, they insult me heavily, punish me by cutting off my rights and destroying my birthday, Christmas and now the 2nd holiday bys making me come home extra to take care of my cat they were supposed to do. I have breakdowns and I totally isolate from women(mother wound, she was narcissist). Or a video on mother wound, not just what is this, how to stop this eternal reinicitation, it just has to stop for once I´m 43 and still get abused that´s insane here is nothing about relationship or friendship, vulnerability it´s a joke when they call me names, they do cut off the communication by taking this way. This can´t be solved with communication anymore. I was in CBT, in clinics and even the last psychologist omg she indirectly blamed me. I should have tried harder to better communicate, then I wouldn´t have been insulted and punished, the impacts on my life, health, holiday of course 0 empathy. I get no help from no one and I sometimes am so done that I just want to make it stop for good(of course just passive thoughts). I don´t think in our world I´m the only one being insulted, we need advice and help asap, I myself know others who also struggle with verbal abuse

Since when do we need sex to survive? I'm very well surviving without sex.😂 Sex is great, sure, but not necessary for survival.

Every word in this is spot on.

11 weeks since my wife disappeared and left me with a whole host of unanswered questions. At one point she'd lost her phone and i had to call the police because her parents stopped responding too. I always take care of my health so I don't worry about myself. The question that bothers me most is how could someone intentionally choose not to talk? This is heartless as it doesn't let me move on with my life with any degree of confidence either. I've done the time. I've taken responsibility for MY part without being unreasonable to myself. I've most politely requested what led to this and how could I have acted differently. 11 weeks and no answers. All I know is she felt extremely unsafe physically due to certain issues and I had to take the blame for not supporting. I realise now that offering solutions was apparently the problem. What should I do?

Doesn’t work with abuse.

My husband left 9 months ago, he now want only to be travel partners. he says he will never live with me again

I’ve noticed with myself, when no one else steps up, i tend to step up with well someone has to go first. So i do eventually step up to change.

Please address how to handle a situation when I do go to my husband, tell him what I need and what upset me after a bad fight but he is still unresponsive. It's always me coming to him to try and make the repair happen. It tells me he doesn't care. It really hurts and makes me mad.

Can you please address how to handle a husband that avoids talking about the horrible things he says to me when we fight. He'll sweep it under the rug and we're in this dysfunctional cycle where it keeps happening. I don't feel connected to him anymore. He's really nice after the dust from a fight. It's always me coming to him to try and repair the relationship.

Blah blah blah bias towards women blah blah blah

Is this explicit to men, or can these signs be seen in women too? Or are the signs in women different?

This is us. She told me i had chances to change along thr way, but out of the fear of facing childhood problems with my father, i did didn't get thr help i needed until she wanted the divorce. She filed, moved out and is pursuing other relationships, even though I've made changes. There has to be some way to win her back, but it feels hopeless, now ive chased her so much, and she's lost all attraction, so she just sees me as a relative. Please tell me there's some way to still win her back before she moves on and marrys someone else!

Monika, you have given us a lot to review, and think about. Thank you!

How do I book a free call? My wife calls me a narcissist. She kicked me out of the house. I am going to therapy but need all the help I can get

I need help desperately. It’s been a year and I don’t wanna sin…