I think the word you were looking for is mediocrity. I was (and still am) on antidepressants, they didn't make me happy, they just mellowed everything out. Sure I was less sad but also less happy (which wasn't super noticeable until I thought about it for a while). What it took for me is passing highschool or uni - at that point the "bad" things were removed for the most part. Family's a bit toxic, but during the summer holidays I could avoid em a decent amount and nowadays don't really have to interact at all, but if yours are supportive this doesn't apply obviously. Keep it going man, you can do it.

Keep up the good fight my man! We'll be here when you get back. :)

Hoping the best for you, Alex!

ay bruh take all the time u need, after all you're your most important priority. also if hoi4 burnout, warno is worth giving a shot

I really appreciate how you are able to discuss this stuff, that is tough. I'm on a similar journey and wish you all the best! The game Ultimate General American Revolution would be very fun to watch you play and listen to your commentary. All the best! Thanks for all the great content!

HoI4 Disaster Saves in this channel are my favorite to watch here. Get well buddy.

Hey, two videos a week are gonna be awesome! Remember to have fun while you do this! We support you

u got this

Really anyone who's had to deal with their mental health can understand everything you're going through, I hope you know that. Best of luck ❤

I wish you all the best Alex, huge respect for making these videos!

We love ya Alex. Keep up the rambling

Hey man you do whatever you need to do to stay happy and healthy. Whether you’re making a video every week or month or whatever else, I’ll always be watching buddy. Take care Mr. Rambler ❤

13:30

Why not do lets plays of total war games or CK3?

I promise it gets better!! The mental health stuff works if you work it. Take your time, kick some ass. It sucks to lose your mojo - but I promise you can get it back. Happiness is out there my dude :hug: :wi-five:

In the ideas department, I've always wanted to see a collab with you and Bitt3rSteel doing a monarchist Canada & monarchist Belgium co-op world conquest. Nothing fancy or exploity, nor a speedrun, just some laid-back and cooperative global warfare. Outside of HoI, might it be worthwhile to shake things up a bit and give Stellaris, Civ, or some other game a spin for a few videos and see how it goes?

Repeats are fine. But you know what is also okay? PLAYING OTHER GAMES!!! We just wanna see you enjoy shit, thats what we like looking at. The game is second fiddle to that. You'll be fine laddio!

You're my favorite Alex who likes to ramble!

Its been cool to see other creators giving you little shout-outs here and there. You can really tell they are cheering you on!

I'll always click on a good old HOI4 saving save, but I can see how that would be tedious to do. No need to force creativity, just do things you enjoy and creativity will sprout by itself at some point.

When the time comes soon, if you could give EU5 a good old rambler try while wearing a Blackadder style ruff it would be many lols. CK3 - I wonder if the Game of Thrones mod has improved and got better on that now, haven’t checked it out for a while.

Given the expansion churn in HoI4 I don't think there's anything wrong with remaking old videos. An "All Artillery" run today is going to be completely different from an "All Artillery" run three or four years ago. I can't imagine anyone getting too bent out of shape about it. Hell, most achievement guides these days will be completely different than previous versions.

Bro I thought you would k**l yourself with that title. Be cautious next time, jeez!

Melancholy is a terrible thing. I wish you good fortune as you've given me many hours of joy. Replace the medication with exercise as the former isn't sustainable in the long run! In terms of content, would love to see more Kaiserredux

You are a wonderful person Alex. I wish you all the best and I hope you'll get better.

Bro I thought you were gonna die

Don't scare me with that title

keep it up alex! youre awesome and i continue to enjoy your videos! maybe do more of a ramble through history, i enjoyed that video you made and know you can find more interesting topics to cover

You should try rimworld challenges. I think your style would make it funny

I was a mess back in 2020. I fell into despair, and wasn't in the mood for anything. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to do in my life. After about a month of barely existing, I had enough of this sh!t, and decided to take action! I knew the reason for my anxiety wasn't just chemical reactions. I remembered reading a particular phrase from the stoic philosopher Epictetus, "men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them". My symptoms called for something bigger, an existential crisis. It was a rational bodily response to the predicament I had set myself in. Till that time, I always sort of ignored my consciousness asking ultimate questions: who am I? why am I here? is there a purpose to all of this? Instead, I had been filling myself with constant pleasure, which kept me distracted. The more I kept that way, the more I felt sh!t not doing anything about it. It was a temporary comfort, and then it blew up... So the solution to my problem was to finally address these issues, which led me to reading philosophy for the first time, beginning with the Stoics. To make a long story short, I came to the conclusion that man alone cannot account for meaning; that would be arbitrary. My philosophical journey eventually led me to Christianity. As an Eastern Orthodox Christian, I now know who I am, why I am here and what my purpose in life is. Recalling my past experience, it was only natural that I had this crisis, and I thank God that I had it. If it weren't for my anxiety, I would never have woken up from my spiritual sleep. The nihilism in me was so deeply rooted, that I needed a good 'slap' to finally become concerned about my situation. If it weren't for this crisis, I'd probably be an NPC for the rest of my life. I came to realise that anxiety itself wasn't the problem, but it pointed to the problem. It was an ally in disguise. For that reason, I never took anxiety medication. I wanted to locate the problem at its root, and medication would only comfort me too early. Needless to say, this is just my experience. God has given me this opportunity for change. And I hope the same goes for you, Alex.

We are with you all The way alex

Look on the bright side of life...... wistle wistle wistle

I know that feeling. You are in limbo, not quite up and not quite down. It's a weird middle ground that almost feels like an out-of-body experience and everyday you just don't know what is going to happen. The closest thing I can describe it is when you drive a car and get to your destination and think about how you have no idea how you actually got there. My depression and anxiety stem from my IBS which at its worst made it so I was only leaving the house to go to the doctor. Its been years and I've basically had to start training myself to go out and do things again and whatever happens happens. Sometimes you just have to force yourself into an uncomfortable position to switch your brain into. Combined with my meds and medical marijuana card I've turned back into a somewhat functioning adult. Its different for everyone and sometimes there is a lot of trial and error before you find something that works but there is always hope.

S'alright brother. Sharing what you're going through and feeling, in an age where everyone seems to be so divided and ripping us apart, is a brave thing to share and acknowledge. We're all here to get you through it. We can all feel a bit ____ (flat) when we think life a rollercoaster that we're watching from afar. There is no fun waiting in the queue, asking yourself "When's my turn?" (Kinda like playing 1936 Communist China, elite, historical HOI4 🤓) . Do what's right for you. HOI4 or walking Nigel (love the name BTW) . Look after yourself and family. Be more Nigel 🐺

Love you Alex. Take all the time you need.

Started watching your channel all the way back when you did Mount and Blade Warband, Total War Survival Battles and other mad stuff-including the Warcast. I hope you do find balance in everything again dude and happy to hear that there are some improvements- I will admit though when you talked about walking Nigel-as a brit, I was thinking of a very different Nigel so thank you for the clarification! I know that Hoi is a large part of the channel and that should continue but with it being the possible 2 video a week mentality-why not switch it up a little bit...have one be hoi and then have the other be something like a Rambler top 50 - you could maybe trim it down from one of the streams but for however many weeks, each week you go through a game that you personally love. The thing to remember is that whilst things like Hoi may attract people to your channel, you are a massive part of the reason that they stay. I mean personally I'd love to see you have a personal crack at Sins of a Solar Empire Rebellion again especially since the release of the Minor Faction dlc though I'll confess that is because I recently rewatched the series of yourself, apollo, warrior of sparta, lionheart and jackie fish playing the star wars mod :P.

Did Z to A ever get finished?

Vidya idea, multiplayer with the Bitterest of Steels? Maybe MP disaster save?

Ive been through these flat bits, I know what youre feeling, its hard without the highs, i had the same with my anti depressant. You can get through and believe me, it gets better, takes time but bit by bit, inch by inch ❤

I know precisely what you’re going through so take your time. We’re here for you, whatever you need to do, we’ll always be here waiting. PS. I personally think that you should switch to other games at the moment, maybe other Paradox games like EU4 or CK3.

Take care alex might not look like much now, but you will get ontop of it and when you do you will become a better self :), i was stuck in social anxiety disorder and autism issues it was a long walk out of it but it made me who i am today (for the better imo), once again alex take care of yourself and you will get on top if it and become better 💪

I said it before and I will say it again, you sir, are a genius, we enjoy your youtube videos..... Focus on getting better, we are here if you need us, and we will be patient

Take care man, were all struggling out here. A lot of the same ways as well. Cheers

Take care, friend. As much as we want videos, focus on yourself first and foremost <3

Yeah, SSRIs can be a big mood flattener, they're supposed to stop great swings of deep depression (supposed to) but they also stop swings in the other direction so you just wind up feeling...kinda flat. Which is better than the black hole, but it's still not completely optimal.

These things take time. You wouldn’t make someone walk around on a broken leg?A gentle predictable routine will be all we can wish from you. And more CAS, of course.

I've been stuck in periods of 'meh'-ness myself before. There's no silver bullet for it, all you can do is the little bits and pieces you can. Keep making the videos you can, but I understand if it's not as many. I know it can feel defeating to have 'not accomplished' anything in a day, but still going is an accomplishment itself. We're still rooting for you!

Let's go Alex!

maybe try a bannerlord series and also kingdom come deliverance play through, the second is out later this year and there is plenty of interest in the game

I think you should bring some friends on and branch out a bit, they can bring some divirsety and creativity when your stuck