"People will tell you that KZfaq comes easier as you get more and more popular, but truthfully it gets harder and harder because now every time I do it, I am really putting myself out there." This. ^^ Also, ow, my heart.

The Eminem theme where he's just chanting VENOM VENOM VENOM was truly icing on the cake. Reminded me of Vanilla Ice's ninja rap.

the ending got me misty eyed.. I hope you get to reach your goals and dreams. I hope to goodness that you find full peace and tranquility in yourself and that it brings you to the best and brightest places in the world. I hope that life turns up more and more for you , that your trail blazes brighter each passing day. You're loved and supported, May. Virtual hugs to you

It feels like Death Note came out like three years ago what the hell 2018 was so loooong Also hell yeah! Excited for new stuff!

I loved that ending, you're so energetic and obviously motivated to put the work in. Looking forward to your upcoming videos!

Honestly, people like you are what motivate me to be a filmmaker. I'm a huge perfectionist and it makes me terrified of making art because I worry I'm putting my worst foot forward. But seeing someone like you who appreciates the weird and cheesy and personal in spite of its flaws inspires me. I want to make movies as long as there are people like you to watch them.

If I wanted "traditional" I would watch someone being loud and mainstream-y. I could just watch the TV if I wanted that. I watch your vids bc you're smart, funny, sensitive and honest abt everything and your insight around movies is great and a delight to take part of.

I understand how hard it is to put yourself out there on camera, and I just wanted to say you're strong, brave and an inspiration for going and living your life on your terms. We're all cheering for you.

You are such an amazing person!

Annihilation was based on a book trilogy called the southern reach trilogy. If you enjoyed the movie you should read the book, it's an entire world the movie didn't even get to touch on.

2019: The Year of Nyx Fears Unafraid

Eighth Grade (and Bo Burnham's work in general) is always transformative and supportive. Eighth Grade in particular helped me recently because I'm kind of at a cross roads in my life; I'm trying to decide which college I'd like to go to and what I want to major in. I'm also struggling with body image and just self image in general. This movie was terrifying, but it really did feel like a supportive and gentle parent telling me that I'm gonna be ok. By the way I'm really proud of you- you do good work and I appreciate your presence. You have a lot to say and I believe you deserve to be heard

I KNOCKED OVER MY BAT

Thank you for the honesty and openness at the end of this video. Keep doing what you are doing May, your youtube community is here for you and you are an inspiration.

Real talk, when that venom theme song played at the end. I fucking died laughing.

Before I even get into the actual video content I just have to say that your both physical and emotional glow up is giving me all of the feelings. You seem so much happier and upbeat and comfortable with yourself. I’m loving this new Nyx, May, and I can’t wait to see what the new year brings you!

I hear you on your disappointment in general audiences. I wanted to run back into the theatre and watch Annihilation and Hereditary right away While most people, if not all, were saying oh that sucked or that wasn't scary. I understand that's why 90% of ticket sales are comprised of Disney/Marvel/comic book blockbusters and made for the masses. So for those of us that don't necessarily hate those movies or pop music, etc (or do lol), we need more and embrace things that make us actually "feel"or elicit excitement or even the release of dopamine, for all I know. I need weird, bombastic, intense, thought provoking and yes disturbing shit to get me going. I don't think I'm pretentious or a movie/art snob. I have seen plenty of fucking boring or self-indulgent art house films but I love your end of the year list and I love you. Happy New Year Mae! PS Mandy fucked me up but made me feel like a stronger person just for watching it. Also, I don't think you realize how many people you help with your content and being so brave and open about your struggles 😘

You know what one of my favorite things is? If I pop back into your old videos for a moment and then go to this one, there is such a noticeable change in you!! I feel like in every new video, you're just happier and more out there with your personality. I feel like we're actually getting to know you more and more with every video, because now every smile is like legitimate and really indicative of how things are really coming together now that you get to share your truest self with us. It makes me SO HAPPY to see you so happy and I hope you only get happier and happier in every new NyxFears video!

I watched The Meg at Thanksgiving with like 8 members of my extended family (including my 92 year old grandfather) and it was one of the funnest and funniest experiences I've ever had. I recorded parts of it on my phone and the commentary and reactions it produced are wild and riotous and will be a wonderful memory for a long time. And a couple times now I've paused your videos after hearing you gush about a movie, went and watched it right then, and LOVED IT! Happened with Hereditary and just now with Upgrade! Thank you! Also I loved Cam too!

gosh, I honestly hate looking up things that I love because there is always going to be critics. and I get obviously people are entitled to their own opinions, but seeing people trashing stuff I'm really passionate about makes me wanna cry in a corner somewhere. my parents basically love everything that they watch and they don't let public criticisms and movie ratings taint their views on the films they see. I'm sorta jealous lol..

I highly recommend the book Annihilation. It's not at all like the movie, because a straight adaptation would probably be unfilmable, but it's very well written.

I've never really loved horror movies. I'm a squeamish person by nature and I don't love being scared recreationally, but I'm so fascinated by horror & being able to watch them by proxy through your videos is amazing. I love the depth of thought & analysis you put into your videos, & I hope you keep bringing beautiful trash to the masses forever!

Your unique personality is exactly what drew me to this channel. Every one of your videos just feels so genuine and personal, it's like talking to a friend. I love what you do and will love whatever you put out in the future 💕

You're one of the only film reviewers that actually talks about movies in a way that makes me want to see them. Netflix have been trying to get me to watch Cam ever since it came out but after watching this video I can't wait to get home from college and watch it. You rock May.

May, you 100% aren't like everyone else, and personally that why I love watching your videos. You have such a positive and optimistic outlook on stuff that other people will happily pan without consideration. I know you've made me expand my way of thinking about films and that even films that are poorly received still have value as art. Plus your willingness to make yourself vulnerable and talk about the reasons you connect so well with different aspects of things is damn fuckin brave, I'm so glad you continue to put your voice and opinions out there.

As someone who is on a film theory track in college I just want to tell you how valuable your content has been for me. I love horror and really reading into the meanings in lots of horror films but before I found your channel there was like no one who focused on any of the movies which really stuck out in my mind or at least no one who talked about them in any meaningful way. So just thank you so much

this video in a nutshell: "how to defend trash without becoming trash" great video keep it up proud of you also fricken hell, lady, those last few minutes were emotional and god i relate so hard lol

You are yourself. You deserve this. You earned it. Genuine people are beautiful. You are genuine. Spook mom is gorgeous, love you, please keep making videos.

You seem so happy in all your videos lately, it's really infectious

you are a content queen! thank you for being about sharing "just stuff" . its really refreshing to see someone talk about their personal opinions more candidly. it comes off as a lot more relatable

best channel on youtube hands down. Please keep doing what you're doing!

You don't need to be traditional, you are this wonderful, bright light that I gravitate toward and I know others do as well. You are and always have been a beacon toward others finding themselves, allowing them to settle into who they are and then celebrating that, traditional or not. And you deserve it to be returned to you. No matter what, even if you decide to take off face cam, or even decide to go elsewhere, or fall off the face of youtube I will always, A L W A Y S support you. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy. I hope you get all the love, attention, and good things in the world, you deserve them, and I simply adore you May, and I know others do too. 🧡

I thought everyone loved Anihilation? That was the impression I got from the people I watch online and the people I know irl.

legit the only person whose videos I leave comments on; you’re fantastic, keep doing what you’re doing, impatiently waiting for each and every one of your uploads. Much love, May!

I started following you about a year ago and in that time you've become one of my absolute favourite content creators. I came for your entertaining takes on genre films and I stayed for your incredibly brave and genuine connection. It choked me up to see how happy and excited you are at the end of this video, and I just had to comment. Once I get a proper salary, I'll def be your patron. You are so beautiful, May.

we absolutely love you May, the things you talk about make so much sense when you explain it in a way that you understand and in a way that some of us do understand completely. It feels like you really are talking with us and its a great feeling really, the connection doesnt feel foriegn at all and its one of those best parts about you. I know what it feels like to talk in a non traditional way and honestly its hard to communicate with others sometimes, it feels like im talking in another language and its frustrating when you get that 'look'. Also, oh my goodness 2018 felt like 10 years in 1

I'm gonna watch. movies

I never thought that a 'holy shit movies of 2018' video could make me feel this way, but god damn that was powerful and beautiful and so real ❤ Thank you May

Your vulnerability is amazing May. You legitimately made me cry. I'm so glad I found your channel.

Thank you for all that you do, Mae. 2019 is gonna be even more successful and freeing for you. Much love and appreciation from us all.

i just discovered you yesterday, and i dont think ive ever resonated with an internet personality so much. Thank you for existing, and creating :)

I have to admit, the last video I watched from you was the one about Brigsby Bear and I think that was well over a year ago. Watching this now, I'm amazed by the growth and changes you're bringing to your channel, not only as a KZfaqr but as a genuine soul of a person. Wow wow I eagerly await your future contents :) Also, I liked, commented, and subscribed!

hit me right in the feels. i want to hug you through the screen forever. You actually moved me to tears. I havent cried in 2 years. my life would be easier if I could just cry about my own life. im living in this parasocial hell where i am just feeling things vicariously. I have nothing to feel in my own life. flat affect, actually pathological. and you went and done it. not sure if i am feeling better, but you gave me something. something real. if this were your last video, youd still have accomplished that. you decided to be brave.

You are one of the top transwomen on this platform for whom I drop absolutely everything to watch when you post stuff. Your work is captivating, quirky, and imminently[sp] rewatchable. Thank you

Mandy got me to listen to King Crimson again and like, I've never been more thankful honestly. The rest of my family didn't know what to think about it but right as we got out my dad was like, "I bet you loved it" and I did! I can't wait for that video, May!! Also, You Were Never Really Here came out in 2018?? I could have sworn I saw it in 2017... but dang that was a really good one too! It was visceral and affecting but also kind of beautiful? Like dang I gotta watch that again!

I always get really excited for these videos because I get introduced to interesting movies I may not have seen otherwise because I didn't know or because I didn't think they would be interesting (like the meg, mostly because I love sharks and "scary" shark movies don't usually interest me) but then I feel compelled to be more open-minded about the stuff I watch and I think that's really valuable

Wow that video took a very real turn! I’ve been marathoning your videos for weeks and I’m obsessed. I have you in my ears any time I’m free and before bed every night. I’m proud of you. Keep doing what you’re doing. (I’m also a pseudo KZfaqr and well aware this video is old but the message is still applicable today, right?!) I love that you’re out there being you. Keep at it.

“I’m tired of being scared” Your videos are always a source of honesty and passion. When videos come out you can always tell you truly care about the content your produce and what you are doing. I’m always super happy to see your videos because they inspired a passion for film for me. Thank you and I’m happy to see you facing fears and being loud and proud. Thank you

Hey May. I’ve been watching your videos for a while now and I’ve always really enjoyed your perspective on movies and art in general. You’re probably the You-tuber I trust most on what movies to check out if I haven’t already. I just wanted to say that I’m so happy for you and your transition. You seem so genuinely happy and full of enthusiasm lately. I obviously don’t know you, but it feels like we’re finally seeing the true you - and that’s a pretty awesome thing to witness. And I think thats more beautiful than any of the traditional physical norms you mentioned. Just sayin.

I really wish I would have discovered you years ago. You are officially my most favorite YT Person.

For what it's worth I'm so pleased you're making more videos and content! I let fear control my life sooooo much and I'm sick of it, and continue to be sick of it, and continue to struggle to do anything about it BUT your example really helps, hearing /seeing that bravery is possible really helps and I appreciate that I get to see that from you. You fill me with hope and I love you for that!

it's so great seeing you so enthusiastic, you've really come into your own

This is why you're my favorite youtuber. You are interesting, and you have depth, because you put yourself out there as a real human being, and not some fake personality that we see all over KZfaq nowadays. I love your shit, you're fucking fierce af. I fucking love you too May.

You giving yourself a pep talk at the end of this video is what I am living for :) I love you too, May, and I am very excited for the things to come. 2019 is gonna be big for me because I might be able to start medical transition in the second half of this year which is great. Sooo, let's just have a good year together, a year of not being scared and of fighting for the things we deserve. Now you made me all emotional...

I'm so happy there's someone on youtube who's defending the idea that art is subjective and that includes movies. I also feel like a weirdo sometimes because I appreciate horror, tragedy, weird shit, oscar-bait, etc. I have no idea how to recommend movies to people, like. "Hereditary made me almost leave the theater twice, I loved it and I'm going to see it again." and people are like "wat". Thanks for making me feel less alone.

may, you are so wonderful...! i don't connect with youtubers often, but you just seem so genuine and passionate, it really shows in your content. thank you for being you!

Your videos are important to me and to a lot of people. I'm glad you're here and doing this work.

I never realized how terrifying screaming bear mimics could be until I saw Annihilation. Also, Nyx, your appearance may be non-traditional, they way you think may be different, and the way you talk may be unique, but those are some of the things we all love about you. I'll be perfectly honest, movie review and deconstruction channels are a dime-a-dozen around here. It's your unique presentation and attitude that keeps us coming back so hungrily every single time you post a video. You offer a fun perspective on things, and it's fucking magic when you start going on excited rants about stuff. You make movies fun! And I didn't realize how interested I was in the technical aspects of film making until I started watching your content; as artsy-fartsy as it may be! On a personal note, I also appreciate you sharing your struggles with us the way you do. I can understand why some people wouldn't be into seeing that kinda stuff if they're coming to KZfaq for pure, 100% escapism, but it makes you feel like more than just a person on a screen. To me, at least! It's a lot easier for me to empathize with someone when I get an idea of what struggles they're going through, even if I don't share those same issues. Plus, the idea that you would trust us, your faceless audience, enough to let yourself be vulnerable in front of us when you've got the ability to completely control our view of you, means a lot. You's good people. Commas. Commas everywhere.

Don't be scared, May! Being different is what makes you interesting, and you absolutely deserve attention for your viewpoints and ideas. I'm excited to see you being excited for your upcoming projects! It's so hard to get anything done and put yourself out there, thank-you for sharing!

Your current style is what made me subscribe. I love your insights into horror, especially as a disillusioned film student in a program that actively avoids talking about genre film, and you genuinely bring really interesting takes to the things you talk about.

I never bother to comment on KZfaq but that was such a real, powerful raw moment that you shared. I completely feel where your coming from. And I’m sending you love and virtual hugs! You are wonderful!!

HELL yeah! (also where did that cardigan come from oh my god?)

I just love listening to you talk about and/or deconstruct movies. I don't like to watch horror movies. My high anxiety makes them really hard to watch. But I love hearing your take on them. Your voice is so soothing and how you read movies from your perspective is super interesting. Love your work

your speech when talking abt eighth grade cut deep. you are a source of truth and honesty and vulnerability on this hell site and i would miss the hell out of you if you stopped making videos. you are fucking IMPORTANT and BEAUTIFUL and SMART and POWERFUL. you're an absolute treasure. im so glad i found your videos

As someone with anxiety and depression who constantly questions his self-worth, I find you videos incredibly inspiring and reaffirming! Seriously, watching this has completely turned my mood around. You are awesome, your channel is my happy place, can't wait for what's next!

Heads up, I got a Prager U ad before this video. I don’t know if there’s anything you can do to prevent ads of that kind on your videos, but I thought you might want to know.

You talk about feeling alienated and different a lot (which I absolutely understand), however I find myself relating to you a lot. I feel like a lot of us queer creative/gothy types who grew up in the south do have this really dissociativity and dissonance. It's a very specific feeling I can't quite put my finger on, like old incense and humidity. I hope this doesn't come across as trying to invalidate anything but please know that so many people connect with you in such a real and visceral way. You are always so genuine and that is never anything to apologize for. Happy New Year May! ❤️

i just found your channel and idk if you will see this but the ending of this video really hit me, i have been binge watching your content over the last couple of days (fascinated by horror etc but too scared to watch it myself) and i just wanted to say that you are very entertaining and funny and your speech pattern is very soothing for me to listen to. i hope that these feelings have lessened over these last 5 years and cant wait to see more of the content you make

I understand your ideology completely. Movies are meant to be enjoyed and you enjoyed these movies. I'm really happy to see you back on KZfaq. Your videos are so insightful and personal and I really relate to you a lot. I think you're a fresh and lovely creator and I'm really happy to be watching you. Keep trucking, May!

I've just spent the last two days watching almost all of your content, and my gosh. It's amazing and inspiring to watch how both you and your content have changed, but are still so very "you". I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for all your hard work on your videos and also for your inspiring courage to be yourself. You've definitely gotten my subscription and I can't wait to see what you do next 🖤

I was getting choked up listening to you talk about how Eighth Grade affected you. I am so glad you are on this platform.

May, you are such an incredible person. I aspire to view things the way that you do, and I constantly try to be the best version of myself, and I'm having a rough time right now doing that...I think I found you exactly when I needed to. What you're doing is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT and I hope you realize that you don't only shine through to people in your personal situation, but you are helping so many people. I say that because there's no way other people don't feel the way I feel when I hear you talk. You're an inspiration, I fucking LOVE you.

Hey May, I’ve been binging your videos all week; I know it sounds overdramatic but I really needed a distraction from the real world in 2020. Your genuineness(ness) is awesome, and so fucking relatable. Please keep making this content, it’s awesome, and YOU’RE awesome. I wish I could hug you through the screen ❤️❤️❤️

I love the way that you structured this video

I love that you cant analyze things on purely technical level and then get really empathetic and real I've been here since you reviewed ichi the killer, this comment is a run on sentence because your literally my favorite youtuber thanks for killing it

That end segment? I felt that. Normally, I feel nothing when a youtuber does the whole "i love you guys" spiel, but this? This was real. I was painting and listening to this because I'm fidgety and have to focus on multiple things, but you started speaking about how excited you were and it made me stop and look at you. I honestly teared up a bit because I felt the love you were emoting. You don't know me and I may never get to meet you, but I love you so much.

As a long-time subscriber, I value your opinions and love listening to you speak about literally anything. As a movie theatre employee, I’m EXTREMELY thankful for your reviews! Our company was recently bought out and have changed how many movies we can see per week for free (we’re getting 1/7 of what we were before). It’s always great to catch up on some films our small theatre may or may not get, and I’m so glad you’re still so passionate. Sending support from southeast US~ looking forward to your next video (totally excited for the analysis video)!

I want to watch the Meg now, i knew it would be dumb fun but now im sold! Also really appreciate the realness in this video chica!

I am 100% down for all of these videos you're teasing!

I've never needed anything more than a video by you about Mandy.

All I can say is that I love seeing your videos pop up in my feed and I'm always excited to watch them

I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOUR DOCUMENTARY MAY!!!

Thank you for your honesty and great content. I love your unique perspective, and you should be proud of yourself 👏🏻🙌🏻❤️

I don't comment often, or at all really. But I needed to do so here to let you know my girlfriend and I absolutely love you. Your courage is inspiring and that energy at the end is infectious af! All the internet hugs and love! Keep rocking this shit!

Yay it's finally public!! I've been meaning to watch Annihilation, Eighth Grade, Assassination Nation, and some other films you mentioned. I think I'll give Hell Fest and Hannah Grace movie a shot! Love me some horror films. Also Iove the sentiment and energy you gave at the end of the video! I would like to be braver to this year. Can't wait for the future content!

I'm happy that Hell Fest wasn't just me: the concept is something I've seen a lot before (oh no, a slasher on Halloween!), but damn it's just so well-executed and clever.

Dear Nyx Fears, My partner and I have been watching/listening to your smart and unique take for years. I want to tell you that your perspective has really spoken to me in a way that most of the film critics that we come across on KZfaq doesn’t. And then to witness as you share this incredible process of coming into yourself has been such an honor. I know this one isn’t super recent but somehow we just watched it for the first time. I love your rawness and your courage. Also I totally agree with your picks. You are so brilliant and so intrinsically beautiful. I’m very grateful that you’re out there.

God, I love your sweater, your silly interstitials, your good takes and your makeup. Happy 2019, May!

Always interesting to hear you talk about what you loved in the year's films. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with youtube stuff, but it is understandable and we will love you no matter what you choose to do (make more videos, less videos, get on a boat and sail around the world). Two more words to wish you well: Cheddar Goblin.

Can’t wait for you’re next vid May! I’m so happy you’re going to keep creating and that you’re being your brave, honest self.

I'm so glad you had that moment towards the end of the video because I have a lot of very similar feelings for very different reason and it made this video alone cathartic as well. Makes me really need to see Eighth Grade, honestly

I always love what you put out May, I started following years ago and it’s only gotten better as time goes on and your videos mean a lot to me. Thank you so much!

Annihilation was my favorite movie of 2018. I hear you on the issue of people not getting it.

I'm very much looking forward to all you have to bring to the KZfaq experience as well as your own experience in life. Very excited to see what the future brings. :D

I came here from the latest deep dive episode and I love how genuinely stoked you are about the movies on this list, I wanna watch every one now!

You're amazing

Great video, as always. I love your content, and I love how passionate you are about everything. Thank you for not editing out the vulnerable part on the side about feeling like you're not like everyone else. You're not, but that's great. I don't watch the clickbait comps about horror movies where they speak in the same radio-ready voice and try too hard to be spooOOooky. I come here to watch you excitedly telling us about how excited you are about everything you watch, even the bad, while failing to sit still because you just have so. much. energy. You're perfect. You can't be brave if you're not scared first. You're doing great.

Hey May, longtime watcher, I’ve spent the weekend watching the movies you recommended on this list- just wanted to thank you. I’ve loved them all

I love you!!! You deserve happiness, respect, and attention. I am SO excited to see what you come out with next! You’re hands-down one of my VERY favorite youtubers and I adore you ❤️ You’re right, you aren’t traditional and it’s wonderful.

You are beautiful and if half the people on this website showed the kind of unbridled joy and excitement about the things they love that you do, this platform would be a much better and more fun place. You should never feel like you have to adhere to some kind of standard youtube personality. I never miss one of your videos because of your personality. I haven't even seen half the movies you review, but you talk about them with such an infectious enthusiasm that it makes it fun to watch anyway.