I have finally realized that I can’t save her and have decided to let her go , she wants to have a baby with me and wants to be my wife ,but I know if I take that step , my life is done

I just want to say I wish all of the people in the comments the best. You're not alone and you didn't deserve any of their abuse. We can break our patterns so this doesn't happen again. I believe in you!!

in a real trauma bond, breaking the psychological bond is absolutely impossible to just “do”. rumination and intrusive thoughts are absolutely constant.

I've just been discarded for the final time after 12 years and many discards. I feel like I'm drowning and each time I feel weak and want to contact my ex-husband, I watch videos from this channel & another one (my 2 favorite channels on Narcissism) in order to distract me and prevent me from resuming my abusive roller-coaster relationship which destroyed me psychologiccally & emotionally.

I have been going through all this on top of having job related ptsd. . Now after having EMDR I dealt with my past trauma only to be abused by my wife and her narcissistic way always trying to fix it for our family ! My daughter is grown ! My step son sees this and is understanding I need to leave ! He made me see he respected me and that I have been good ! Oh he’s a Usmc Officer /aviator. 1 week away from 24 yrs of marriage -27 yrs with such a rollercoaster ride ! 🙏🏼👨🏻‍🚒 I will be ok !

After 6 years away she's still haunting me. I truly understand things now. However, the good times were so good and nothing in this life prepared me for someone who lacks empathy, compassion and conscience. Two years together meant nothing to her. She undermined my understanding of humanity fundamentals.

My experience is that I have been gangstalked relentlessly throughout my life by narcissists. They seem to be a hive mind and when you get rid of one, there is another one lurking around the corner sizing you up for an opportunistic attack. It is not what led ME to the relationship. It is like telling the deer that it is at fault to be stalked by wolves at every turn.

I can't escape yet, but listening to you makes me feel very protected

This is mad insightful. Its now 2 and a half months of NO CONTACT and I feel much better. I feel like I can relate with everything being discussed in them videos.

I feel like I broke free from my relationship for a while during our breakup but let her guilt trip me back into it. Things have gotten a lil better but I know I probably shouldn't have came back knowing we both have trauma to deal with on our own. Having kids complicates things further because I want to be there for them and can't fully cut off ties with my partner.

I did the positive and negative stuff. Which turned into a letter. A 43 page letter. All on A4 paper. I sent her the letter after months of psychological abuse. Being cheated on. Being humiliated. Being used. Being manipulated. Having her try and turn my own friends and family against me. All I did was love her. I have a copy of the letter on my phone in a notepad. I sometimes read parts of it to remind myself how disgusting she was with me. I still cry now. And it's been months. It's still difficult to let go. Even though I know all her "love" for me was fake. It was abuse from nearly the very start. I'm so traumatised. I can't delete her pictures and videos. I barely look at them. It's the letter I look at most.

After 24 years United States Army I thought I was strong my wife manipulated me and abused me I'm glad I found this just may have saved my life a veteran with PTSD and suicidal ideology my wife was encouraging me to do it telling me I didn't have the guts to go through with it she wanted me dead but she couldn't do it herself

Oh my god, this video cut me to the core. I just escaped YET ANOTHER narcissistic relationship. I thought I was saavy and could avoid that crap on my own. I realize I clearly need help to break these patterns. Thank you for being so candid and really driving that home. Love your videos!

Knowledge recognition and acceptance is the key to recovery and looking after yourself !

Thanks Lise! I’m watching a tv series The Affair on Prime Video and they actively promote the EMDR process within the storyline. Interestingly, it seems to be a legitimate therapy for dealing with trauma bonding , as you have so noted. I will now look into this process. Thanks again for your commitment and consideration.

Lise, you put out very high quality, helpful content. As a therapist and priest, I appreciate your channel and enjoy it very much. Thank You

Great video Lise. My ex-narc monkey-branched to some guy we knew that was orbiting her on f/b. She ended up going for the "greener grass", canceling plans we had made last summer and ghosting me. I hadn't realized at the time I was trauma-bonded until the cptsd hit. It was bad. I dropped 30 lbs. in 3 weeks, couldn't sleep, basically a nervous wreck for months. She finally called me back & told me what I already knew, she was dating this a-hole, who in my opinion, was a narc, although he claimed to be an empath. One of the last things she said was she wanted us to remain "best friends". I told her there is no way in hell that was going to happen. I told her she probably will never see me again. 15 mos. later I still ruminate @ all the fun times we had over 12 years. Never felt so crushed in my life. I am doing much better now, but still struggle. Thanks for vids. like these for helping good souls that had to go through these experiences. Even though it wasn't our fault. I never got a hoover & hope I never do. The only thing I ever did was try to put a smile on her face. To just abandon me is something I'll always have a tough time understanding. A lyric from Ann & Nancy Wilson from Heart that I'll remember: "They never realize the way love dies when they crucify its soul". Good luck to all dealing with these narcissists. Once you get past this, there won't be anything you can't.

If you're a musician (guitar, keyboard, whatever), learning and singing/playing these songs have been good for my mental health and moving on: - Hurt (Johnny Cash version) - Gives You Hell (All-American Rejects) - Somebody That I Used to Know (Gotye) - Inside Out (Eve 6) - Creep (Radiohead) - I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor) - Landslide (Fleetwood Mac) - Cold as Ice (Foreigner)

This is a really helpful video. I am only beginning to learn about trauma bonding as I am engaged in trauma therapy. I AM going to take your suggestion to write all about it. Free-writing, or just putting down on paper everything as it comes is often very helpful to bring out deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that have contributed to unhelpful core beliefs. One of the most difficult things is realizing how this relationship, so far in the past, has directed the trajectory of my life, and how that one dysfunctional relationship has affected almost all of my subsequent relationships. “No one is coming to save you from your own self-sabotaging behaviours” - this has been the most difficult, yet the most empowering idea that has helped me take control and responsibility to get support to make major changes in my life. I hope this video helps so many others to make this realization so they can begin to make true changes. Thank you for helping me find the next steps I need to take. 🌹❤️🌹

you really helped me....because of you, i found out what i was living. i'm glad she left but after 6 months I still can't get ovet it.

You’re a gift. Thank you

"Hurt people hurt people" is no excuse.

Thank you so much for these videos… you have helped me understand a lot and I am so happy that I now know what has happened to me and I’m asking my Primary Care Physician for a recommendation of a Trauma Therapist… thank you again

Thank you so much , the way you word this knowledge is so clear and the most helpful out of all the many narcissism research I have listened to . ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much. I have watched a lot of your content o er the last month all excellent and enlightening, but this ine really gives me hope that I can actually get free of the bond. More than that it encourages me to want to be free. Thank you . I am sharing this to a bunch of men in the same situation.

Thanks for the video lisa ❤

thank you so much for your great awesome videos I have broke the trauma Bond I've now got closure watching your videos god bless you

I have made notes and will read this everyday. Thank you so much. Yes, time is ticking away.

I find every point made 💯 accurate and over a year has helped me immeasurably. In gratitude and grace. 🙏

Firstly, I wouldn’t want to judge her personality as it is not up to me to do so. However, I am definitely trauma bonded and keep thinking I don’t want to be treated like that, but at the same time doing everything possible to keep this thing going. This is such a dichotomy to trying to keep the thing going that hurts me. We are working extremely close together and started dating about a year ago. At first she was sweet but then she started to get mood swings where something was my fault and no matter what I did or said she would not go back to behaving her normal self. It felt like I had to practically beg on my knees to get her to calm down. This has gotten progressively worse and I felt like walking on eggshells so as not to trigger her. Last week I tried to get her to open up about her feelings and empathise when she was upset at work and she turned the situation around, blaming me and making me feel like I am in an impossible situation to handle. I then told her that I do not want to be treated that way (as this has happened often before) and said I will have to end this conversation now. She then told me yesterday that she does not want to continue seeing me as she has the feeling she can not express herself freely. I should’ve glad about the outcome, but I am trauma bonded and feel withdrawal like crazy and still have to work with her every day 😢

What a fantastic way to spend 18 minutes! This piece is so valuable for all relationships and self respect and cultivation.

What I’m learning from you Lisa is my role in this relationship that has ended. That scares me more than the relationship. I’m scratching the surface of processing it. It is the ultimate opportunity to grow personally and I need to go through it to find a better version of myself. Today is an opportunity. Thank you for the 10 tips. I wrote them down and added my reflection on each one. I’m climbing a mountain one step at a time. I suspect the view at the top will be amazing. But, along the way are beautiful trees, animals, and surprises.

Absolutely ! My covert fiancée is the result of bad parenting conbined with the perfect little daughter first in class and listening-caring child portray... The WORST ! How can she desire to change when she's not aware of what she does and when she's the perfect person on earth.

oh my gosh, this info is For Real! xoxox

I’m here because I just got involved with an extreme toxic person. We only went on 4 dates but there were so many red flags and he was extremely volatile. Watching / reading all the information on toxic behavior abuse and personality disorders helped me understand these peoples pathologies and prepare myself for future issues like this one. I believe the knowledge I had learned about these patterns kept me safe from this man that would have destroyed me. And I am proud of myself for standing up and walking away so early instead of trying to please him. Education on these topics are so important and the pain that these people cause is great motivation to never give another one a chance.

I just wanna add, from my xp: to anyone who's ever been a victim of hate / violence because of their appearance, gender, orientation, race : DO NOT ever let a hateful notion 'there's something wrong with me' sink in. Trust me, it's a recipe for self hatred and compulsive anxieties later on. When we suffer and we need a break, it's only natural to think: maybe if I wasn't 'different', if I was 'normal' I would be accepted. No, haters will always find something else to prey upon. I've always had kinda androgynous look, which was a fuel for bullies when I was growing up. I embraced it, used it to my advantage in my acting / modeling career, I was almost the face of Leon in these new Resident Evil games :) Beware of toxic people who can see our potential and value but will keep and drag us down with intent and hideus determination. They do it out of jealousy, they don't want to see us happy or successful.

… as a German Biologist - this is about Endurance and Inner Strenegth training A weak person accepts any Manipulation No matter how absurd and delusional deceiving This is about a encountering a singular person - a Solist Inept to be part of any TEAM A Slave Owner, Sadist - who always MUST win at all cost. This is evident in Social Awareness Training - when you see in the beginning of an encounter the absolute entitlement in everything Easily offended for no reason “walking on Eggshells” all the time Force to surrender to a totalitarian dictator. There is never any Discussion. Easy to spot I walk away instantly Train endurance and Inner Strength to never ever get into this Slavery

Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This. I Needed To Hear This I Was Horribly Abused Tortured Through Emotional Abuse For Over 9 Yrs. I Was Horribly Discarded In April Like Trash Never Spoken To Again. I’m Struggling To Disconnect Detach I’m Severely Trauma Bonded. I Need Help Detaching.The Narcissist Is Controlling Me By Having Nothing To Do With Me

Your videos are extremely helpful! Thank you 🙏🏽

This is me. Jeez, she's knowledgeable. ❤

What Sadhguru says is so true thanks for adding the clip

Thank you Lise. Time for me to take that deep dive into liberation. Your 10 tips are so helpful.

Im glad to have 4 years and 7 months in healing from my childhood ptsd stuff, and specially seeing the power of having self compassion healthy boundaries and integrity / attunemtn to my inner child and true self, which allows me to be my authentic self and advocate for my needs in healthy ways and find safe enough connection where I can get my needs met and share my true self, available connection feels right and its ok to choose people who choose me, and keep healing with gentleness humor. love and respect healthy boundaries being my true self and having safe enough connection where I can self and corregulate. Im worth it in a good way, were worth it :) God speed. the grieving part is important. for sure. and completely removing hope , and it was not our fault that part is very important. I will continue to love honor listen attune and stay true , defend when necessary to my inner child and find my safe enough connection im worth it in a good way were worth it . Keep healing shining and grieving, and having healthy self respect to keep my dignity ,and choosing safe enough connection to self and corregulate in were worth it. Cheers!

Writing things out surely is a great way to reflect and understand feelings. It is also true that you can take back the power you give to negative people. This can happen from one day to the next - it's simply your decision to put it into action. Thanks for the video Lise. Best regards, Liz

A very powerful video, maybe even too full. Going to have to watch a few times because all of it resonated so much. Thanks

Bro story of my life. i straight out caught her cheating, she knew. she didnt come back to her house for 3 days with the 4 kids. said i was making the kids feel uncomfortable me being there. so i left. i could go on for days..... thankyou for this video i thought i was going crazy. this only happened last friday

Wow thank you. This one was awesome! ❤❤❤

Thank you was very helpful 💕 I am glad you bring up the toxic marriage of the two celebrities, I was right about many red flags I saw about their relationship! Confirming to trust my Got !

1 year after narcissistic cold and painful discard and still there is no single day when I am free of ruminating:( This is torture

From the bottom of my heart, I really want to thank you for this video Thank you for helping me and most others who are listening to this I am in a very challenging job and have very little time to focus on myself and almost going to be done with the most expensive divorce

Gotta a appreciate Will Smith's ability to hold accountability for his actions....cant say the same for Jada....great example to prove your point....and another point regarding celebrity life....although i dont think that was apart of your intentions....either way...i get your point.....

Thanks for your videos ❤ btw your hair looks amazing ❤🇦🇺

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! FROM MEXICO

Exceptional!!

Thank you greatly!!

It would be great to have one with parents 🙏

Hi, I am watching your videos, and I must say they are really guiding me to understand more and more. Could you please make a video on Quiet Personality-Based Disorders (PBD) and Narcissists, focusing on the stages they go through after a breakup?

Your video on KZfaq was great thanks

I def saw the redflags (created a scene at the very first party with my friends for attention). I even told my friends, huge redflag. But i was like "whatever, my life was quite boring the last year, lets go for the ride anyway." So my decision to be with her was def. lack of other options. Lovebombing def. had its impact. The first time i left her, i had huge physical cravings and my body was in fight or flight mode 3 days straight. I took her back, but i never was invested as hard as before. Defended my boundaries more etc. You could see and i felt how her interest was less and attempts of devalue increased. I fought her alot when she tried to devalue me, but eventually i got tired and after the last Narcrage i decided to leave for good. Currently NC. Although iam def. traumabonded and its not easy, iam still thankfull for the experience. Nobody has ever highlighted to me what defending boundaries means like her. I was not aware how much of an empath iam etc. Iam sure the experience makes me a better person in the future and i got a bit more narcissistic myself (in a positive way) What kept me sane during the whole "experience" was my past relationship which was totally drama free. So the experience of whats normal and what not. And my hobby, fitness - which i made clear i would nobody get in the way of that. Once i saw that the RL had an impact on my hobby, i knew things are off.

I'm looking to connect with an in-person, narcissistic abuse support group in either Montreal, QC; or New York City. Any leads/links would be greatly appreciated.

Lise this is not possible when you have a child with them. She torments me through my child. Unnecessary hospital emergency visits where they tell her my son just needs to be well hydrated - 3 times in a week!! Constantly usinng him as a messenger. Making him aleep in her bed and terrorizing him. How is a parent supposed to brewak free. Already 2.5 years in family court. False allegations that are arill ongoing.

Thank you so much for your content. It‘a helped me gain the inner strength to make boundaries and end my toxic relationship

It was forced marriage, then all my family pressured me to stay in that toxic relationship for over 30 years and now my body and soul ripped to shreds, don't want to be in this World, as even in 4 years of healing my body still have agrophoebia, crippling anxiety, my body doesn't want to eat or drink, please pray that I die soon as can't live this way.😢😢😢

Hi Lise Thank you again and especially for this video, that for me feels like the last puzzle piece to fit into the way to get better. I have been agonizing over the past months if I should write it all down, good, bad and ugly, but abandoned that project because I had the feeling that the thoughts started to hurt me physically and would deepen the trauma bond. Looking at the parallels of obsessive thoughts in OCD, and based on what you recommend later on, I tried to instead distract me away from the whole sordid story. Apparently, the sequence matters: first writing of timeline, then cut off person and thoughts. Now I know that I have to go back to the keyboard. And a visit to the doctor is also in order. This process is way more laborious than I thought. Thanks for the resolution.

Our first mistake is to not believe in ourselves. In doing so, we are looking for someone else for the wrong reasons. We don't know ourselves, and so look for a feeling of completeness with someone else. It blinds us to their faults, which they had from the start. We just didn't notice. Our partners don't deliberately 'catch us'. That said, once the relationship gets confusing, that is when to decide if you want to continue. If you hang in, you need to resolve the issue of confusion. This is where the trap is. We think it will resolve its self. It doesn't. I think it is childhood trauma or radicalisation of thoughts that causes people to have strange behaviors. Very tricky subject.

Important knowledge! Thank you!

My X left me for a rebound guy. She left me with no closure. After a while, it did not matter. I leveled up and my X down graded 😅

Thank you

Another excellent video, Lise! Thank you so much.

It's really brutal, when it is with a parent.

Easy, as soon as we had our first child. It was full blown abuse (mental and physical). I've had my own drink thrown at me several times. Threats on my life, punched in the face, turning her family against me. Nothing I do is ever enough. I can clean her car, buy flowers, be really good to her. Never enough. It's made me SO jaded to relationships. I honestly feel ruined for life to other women. I feel bad for the good women I could have met. I know I'm a good dude, but have met enough women that are SO nasty.

Great video. Thank you, much appreciated and needed. 💚

Big respect for Lise! Thank You for your work! But- Not even the Buddha can fill a cup that is full. We accepted abuse... that is why they kept on abusing us. We wanted to be the hero in the battle...That is why we have so mutch scars. We wanted to be there all the time... That is why they kept us on the waiting list. We wanted to be the good guys... This is why we are not truley respected. We wanted to be their treasure... This is why we were treated like belongings, toys or goods. We wanted to pump infinite love in their hearts ... this is why they kept it full of holes ... We wanted to stay constant... this is why they spinned us around... We wanted to save them ... this is why we did not save our selves. We put them first all the time ... this is why we can only be second, and they compare us to others all the time. .. We made them the center of our universe... this is why we seem to be just orbiting around them. ... We are to blame! We made thease mistakes! POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH my friends... Stay in the present moment ... keep your focuse on your self, on your surroundings, on YOUR NEEDS!

Dear Lise , thanks a lot for all your great work and the sincerity you put into it. I was also positively surprised to see Sadhguru in your video… all the best to you 😊👏👍

Spot on. Thank you

Thak you! ❤

She said all her friends and family said "finally," when discarding. They knew only the harmful, false smears she had been spreading.

That’s pretty helpful, thank you.

Really love you saying why you are not getting help you need and the Sadguru’s saying…😊

Yes i think i was trauma bonded to my ex wife. Notice the words EX wife. Demeaned, subtle put downs, gradually cut-off from fiends and activities. Yup all those. Looking back it's obvious.

Your channel is so good. Thank you.. Damn....this explains the Chris Rock slap....and then the crying. It's a horrible place to be. God Speed to Will Smith. ..and to all of us.

emdr Hypnotizing an already hypnotized individual.

Excellent.

Thank you for saying the hard truth.

Hopefully I am not getting too personal, but I'll vote for black hair! (then you could say "I'm black again")

what to do with regards to the kids? 3 kids with a highly manipulative, very intelligent, and dangerous narcissist

Wow!! Thank you so much. Amazing ❤

Thank you 💜✞

THEY DON’T CARE!!!

Thank you Liz

Isn’t this essentially giving ourselves license to psuedo diagnose our partners and essentially throw the rest of our family under the bus, without objective professional help for the narc, to seek diagnosis for the behaviors vs. the personality disorder? I see many of the signs, it all resonates with me, but I am stuck. How can I be sure she is mentally disabled and I am not making a mistake ending a family relationship?

I could fight back with the smear campaign but I haven't because I didn't want to get down in the gutter with him and his flying monkey. But I see him all the time. Several people have told me the lies he's saying about me behind my back. We weren't even in a relationship. I liked him more than he liked me and I thought he was the sexiest man on earth. It was more than a hookup than anything else because that's all I could have. When I see him I still wish things could have been different, then I feel really angry and my energy is sapped. If the smear campaign ended, it would be a lot easier. I wish I didn't see him all the time either, but it is what it is, and it's really hard to get over. The smear campaign serves him because he doesn't want me befriending any (new) women he wants to sleep with. He hasn't had any luck with them anyway. He's so mean. I don't see how karma never catches up to these people.

Whenever I think about how bad my life is I think of Will Smith and instantly feel better

Thank u lise

Thanks!

I had too block my ex the beginning this year.

As an outsider looking in, my friend's ex is a narcissist. I thought she would've broken free but it's still the same pathetic story! She's with the same grimey man!

This is my life right now , my Mongolian girlfriend is full covert narcissist, I have tried to cope to with her but it’s impossible

🙏

Im careful about what exactly i put online since we have kids that will still connect us forever unfortunately. Im having a very hard time with all of this. I keep saying in my head, this can't be true, she has to care about me after all these years of marriage and i try to rationalize her extremely hurtful/selfish behavior. But then i hear something from a mutual friend or something and get reminded again; she is not sweet or misunderstood.....shes only acting our of self interest and only cares about her reputation in the process. I desperately want closure. How do i let go of this desire? Anyone?