Hey folks, Jonathan here, trying to practice what I preach and accept feedback. Several of you have pointed out that OF COURSE you can cut ties with mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and other family members for your own safety and emotional health. This is 100% correct. While in some (less extreme) cases of gaslighting one may choose to maintain a family relationship with the gaslighter while calling them out on it and/or holding strong boundaries, that is by no means a "you have to" situation. And sometimes breaking free and cutting off contact is an absolute must. Thank you for calling me on that.

Writer: How many different kinds of gaslighting should we include in this film? Director: Yes

the sarcastic "Rapunzel knows best. Rapunzel's so mature now" is the line that made me feel the worst. You know, when you feel like you achieved something that made you feel happy and proud of yourself, and other people just go "oh wow so impressive" with such flat mocking tone... that just cancels out your excitement about the thing that made you happy.

I remember watching Tangled in 4th grade and thinking “Wow! Rapunzel’s mother reminds of my mom a lot!” Fast forward to few years later, me leaving the house in order to escape constant mental abuse. I believe this movie was one of the first tiny steps on my way to realising the wrongs my mother did to me.

I didn't even realize Flynn brushing Rapunzel's hair away having such symbolic importance. It makes the movie even better imo

"Villains that twirl their mustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged." ~Jean-Luc Picard~

May I just say how much I appreciate that before Gothel died, she completely forgot Rapunzel and Eugene and went straight to the mirror instead. Narcissism at its finest. Brilliant.

I think the imagery from "Mother Knows Best" Where Gothel litteraly puts Rapunzel in the dark, and as Rapunzel lights candles, Gothel puts them out, LITERALLY keeping her in the dark. Very on the nose, but still powerfull.

I was watching Tangled for the first time in years and I got chills when I heard her say “great, now I’m the bad guy” because it’s the exact thing my own mother has said to me a million times.

this is why it drives me NUTS when people say "nono, gothel LOVED rapunzel!!" no. she didn't.

ok is no one gonna talk about how badass the “did i mumble mother” is. it’s literally the disney princess version of “did i stutter bitch”

I think that the only way Mother Gothel could be worse is that my parents actively support her actions. She's a horrible, terrible, AWFUL person but my parents constantly say that Rapunzel is the horrible one for not listening to her "mother." I feel as though this speaks a lot about the type of people my parents actually are.

Disney needs to remember mother gothel because it’s proof they can do great, non-twist villains that are still realistic.

This movie made approximately half of an entire generation glance discreetly at their parents in the theater

And this is why it drives me up a wall every time someone goes "But I'm sure Mother Gothel loved Rapunzel deep down!" *facepalm*

At the end of this episode when you said, "It doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means they're not safe." I know this feeling intimately. I've had to step back from certain familial relationships in a big way because of this.

Mother Gothel is such a good villain that she managed to gaslight me as a kid. I thought that she wasn't that bad and felt sad when she died 💀

The "stop mumbling" scene is so frustrating, hiding a critic behind a joke, I hate when people do that

I think one of the biggest tell-tale signs is that you feel free and happy when you’re away from them, but the moment they’re around, you instantly switch to your childlike guarded, weak self.

You guys have officially helped me avoid at least one potentially toxic dating relationship...so thank you!

I feel so bad because when I was young, I only saw her as strange parent, not a villain. Now that I'm a little older, I realized I felt that way because that's how my parents treat me and my little brother.

It's sad that they didn't mention Pascal as "another voice," who was trying all along to get her out of the abuse but didn't have the proper voice to do so.

the hardest part about gaslighting is that you cant get your gas lighter to admit theyre gas lighting. then all the doubt in youre head keeps you stuck because you feel like its something you have to prove. you are embarassed to have fallen for it and there is literally no way to prove it.

Eugene getting the hair out of the way to see her face and get to her is such a beautiful touch and I'm so glad you guys pointed that out!!!! Also, Gothel makes Rapunzel come to her for a hug. But her real mother immediately comes to her for the hug

My stepmom did this to me for five years before I finally turned eighteen and found a place to rent from one of my high school teachers. My now husband would try to explain to me why I wasn’t as bad as she implied and that she was manipulating me and it took literally years to break free. I keep a healthy distance from her now.

“I love you most Don’t forget it You’ll regret it” Absolutely terrifying in context

To be clear, Gothel never actually tells Rapunzel she loves her. Every time she says it, she's looking at Rapunzel's hair, not her.

I've seen multiple people, in my own life and in social media, say that Tangled was how they identified a toxic person in their life, because they could relate strongly to Rapunzel and saw that person in Mother Gothel. It just goes to show that representation, both positive and negative, really matters

The most manipulative thing about narcissists is they actually sometimes take good care of you, like when she was brushing Rapunzel hair, but only to use it to their own selfish benefits

I love that they cut to Rapunzel reaching out to Mother Gothel as she falls and dies. An abusive relationship like she had with Mother is still ripe with enough fake love that despite everything, part of Rapunzle still doesn’t want her ‘mother’ to die.

"There's a difference between love and trust." Holy crap I---

Mother Gothel: “The outside world is a dangerous place filled with selfish people” Shes literally describing herself.

I think it's interesting looking back to when I first saw this movie with my mom. I was pretty young and honestly kinda liked Gothel, while my mom was much more keyed into her behaviors and actively hated her. It's an interesting thing, in retrospect, that Mother Gothel's manipulations worked on children through the screen.

"Did I mumble, mother?" Is the best and most badass line from tangled.

And sadly I've said for years that I can't stand Mother Gothel because she reminds me of my mother. Holy crap.

It's funny, my mom loves "Mother knows Best", both of us always knew that it was blatant gaslighting, and it took me years of living alone and many months of therapy to realize that maybe, just maybe, my mom has been gaslighting me for most of my life...

Something small I just noticed, the way a certain line is delivered in Mother Knows Best. "Stop no more you'll just upset me". She doesn't actually care, she just wants Rapunzel to care

Notice that when Gothel says "I love you most" she kisses Rapunzel's hair. That's what she really loves.

She ultimately objectifies her, seeing her as her “flower”

One of the most terrible things about gaslighting is that even when you get away from the FIRST person, you're more susceptible to that "am i crazy" cycle and more vulnerable for the rest of your life (without serious therapy and support). It's SUCH a terribly hard cycle to break once you're in that loop.

I needed this. I subconsciously gaslighted some people in the past and when I realized it I cut off all friendships and normal socializing with others, and I didn't realize it until I watched this video. I stopped talking to people because part of me was afraid to continue interacting with other human beings, like I would just keep manipulating and lying, and that really hurt. I've been so isolated. I see I need to change. Thanks, Cinema Therapy. This was not the journey I was expecting.

Tangled. The movie that helped a generation to ask. "...Wait, this behavior isn't normal?"

"It's okay to have surface level relationships." "There's a difference between love and trust." I have never in my life felt so vindicated and validated until I heard these two sentences.

The way I view the song mother knows best is the original is when the gaslighter is praising you and pretending to care about you while the reprise is when the gaslighter gets frustrated and shows their true colors

Just a note: "I love you most" is actually towards rapunzel's hair... she only says it while looking at the hair, and every compliment she ever gives is towards said hair.

This analysis just proves even more why Gothel is the darkest of all the Disney Villains. Which is why she remains my favorite.

Mother gothel actually teaches kids a lesson, kids see so much physical violence in movies that they are never taught about the mental, and won’t know if it’s normal.

"Ill just look for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and follow that" That line is very glados like

I watched this video with my mom. She’s gaslighted me for nearly 19 years and watching this finally helped me to realize what she’s really like. I still love her but it’s hard to trust her when I can tell she’s gaslighting me on a daily basis.

It’s scary, when I was a kid I fell for Gothel’s lies. Obviously I knew she was abusive and terrible, but I thought deep down she actually cared a little for Rapunzel because of the scenes when she seems genuinely nice and loving to her. Now that I’m older I realise that’s just another part of her abuse and gaslighting. What a great villain.

The moment Gothel sang, "You're gettin' kind of chubby." to Rapunzel my dad gasped, covered his face with his hands as he cringed, and exclaimed, "Oh my God. What an EVIL woman!" He was so appalled that a "mother" would ever dare say that to her daughter. 🤣 (I love my dad. He's such a sweetheart.)

Thank you, guys! I checked the article and realized my boyfriend was a gaslighter on 11/11 and he was completely abusing me. I didn't recognize that before because my family was very abusive too and I didn't know that. I watched the movie when I was 10 and I got very obsessed with it, I watched until memorized the entire script. Today, 12 years later, I understand the deep meaning it has to me.

hi. that bit about how it doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means they're not safe for you -- that rang true. it resonated. it was something i needed to hear. thank you.

‘He touches *her face* not her hair’ oh my god, I’ve never noticed MY HEART ❤️

this is why gothel is actually the scariest disney villain

I think it’s interesting visually as how Mother Gothel is aging rapidly, she sees dozens of eyes in the mirror. It could be her worst nightmare coming true, be it people not seeing her as youthful and beautiful, or be it metaphorically seeing her true self

One of my parents had untreated BPD, and I recognized so much of their behaviour in Mother Gothel. Especially the denial of real events. I remember getting a voice-recording pen to record when my parent said things and then denied them later. But even when I played the recording back to them, they said "that's not what I meant", and that I was twisting their words, and it made me feel insane. Everything I said was wrong. I refused to attend a family event one time, because they had recently blown up at me for refusing to talk to them, and I didn't want to be around them at the time. They cancelled the entire event, saying "I ruined it", simply because I did not want to attend. They made everyone angry with me. They always said, "what is wrong with you?", "are you autistic?" (derogatory), and "I'm shocked you have friends, with how you behave!" when I simply didn't want to talk to them to avoid confrontation. The "Mother Knows Best" song is still very difficult to watch.

"And that doesn't mean you don't love them, it means they're not safe" HOOOLY this changed my whole perspective

The worst part of gaslighting is after you've gotten away from the gaslighter, you are constantly questioning your sanity, your memories, your emotions, everything. It's constant "Am I overreacting?" "It's probably not that bad." "I don't need help." "It's not abuse if you never hit me." It makes you feel insane, because it stays. It stays forever and you can never really trust yourself or anyone else ever again.

What an interesting thing I’ve noticed is that everyone knows she’s evil. Like it’s shown I’m right in beginning of the movie her only loving the flower for the power, and later stealing Repunzle for the power. However, in Rapunzel’s eyes she’s a mother, an amazing person, she her guardian. And I think that also sheds light on the gaslighting bit. Everyone else can see these signs, everyone knows this person is bad. But not the victim that is being controlled by this person.

That's the problem with gaslighters they are subtle enough to make people beleive they're doing it "with your best interest in mind" because obviously if they were straight up enough you'd notice and leave and so will others.

And the "stop mumbling blabla, I'm just teasing you, you're adorable" SOOO REALISTIC

People say that mother gothel wasn’t actually a bad villain but they don’t realize how much mental and psychological damage she did to Rapunzel

My grandma is like this. My mom succumbed to her and for the last 23 years, I've been her "project"

I know this video came out 2yrs ago but it popped up on my recommended and I wanted to mention something in case anyone else gets it recommended. DARVO stands for deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. abusers tend to use this strategy to gaslight you. first, they’ll deny whatever you’re accusing them of, “no, I never did that!” then they’ll attack you for accusing them, “why would you say that about me?” and finally, they’ll switch themselves to the victim and you to the offender, “you’re an absolute terrible person for doing this to me. what, do you just hate me now?”

What’s very interesting is even when she realises how bad Mother Gothel is, she still reaches for her when she falls out the window. Even though she knows how awful she is, she still loves her at some level

WAIT was Mother Gothel's putting out the candles with her fingers, one by one, a reference to Gaslight? Slowly lowering the lights? THAT'S SO COOL

I still remember the first time I realized what the word "gaslighting" meant. At that moment i also realized most of the "friends" and people i have cared for had been gaslighting me, and that at first i couldn't understand how that behavior was a problem because it was normal for me to receive it. When i discerned all of this i felt both incredibly sad and incredibly lucky to have been cast away from those people that had been toying with me just because, and eventually tried blaming me or making me feel guilty for having "betrayed" their friendship or for "overreacting"

one of the ways i can say for certain that my mom was emotionally abusive is through this movie. as a minor (i'm 19 now), my mom would constantly gaslight me and tell me blatant lies during our arguments, and i spent the majority of my teenage years subsequently gaslighting myself into thinking that that's just how families work and i'm overthinking everything. other people have it worse, right? going into college helped me realise that what my mom did to me was not normal and i have a lot of trauma from my teenage years. i've now accepted that my mom was abusive and now i've perfected the art of identifying gaslighting when i see it and calling it out.

Best advice my therapist ever gave me: Just because you love someone does not mean they have earned your vulnerability

This is the only reason tangled was underrated, parents wanted to hide their own gaslighting tendencies or were uncomfortable with self examination

As a kid, Tangled was my favorite movie, and I had no clue why. I much later in my life realized that my mom often had a lot of gothel's qualities, and she always denied things she said, she has anger issues and yelled a lot, and was routinely toxic towards me, and even towards my friend whenever she stayed over. This was when me and my friend were like 6-7. I rewatched Tangled a million times, and finally realized this. I love her to death, because she's my mom. But I can love aspects of her, and leave her be when she tries to turn the gaslight switch on.

I just realized first: Gothel's nicknames for rapunzel are all about everything except rapunzel herself-"pet,flower,etc" Second: rapunzel straight up doesn't have shoes,socks,outside clothes. It's gothels responsibility to clothe her and provide that kinda stuff and she calls her under-dressed. Like,eesh

Everyone’s saying that what’s scary about Gothel is that she actually exists irl. But what really scares me is how many people I’ll see in comments sections, etc, *defending* Gothel and claiming she really loved Rapunzel. People get trapped in these unhealthy relationships, and our society normalizes them, to the point where people take the side of the abuser in fictional relationships. It’s both really sad and terrifying.

Mother Gothel is one of the scariest Disney villains because she is the most real. She could be a parent, aunt, uncle, friend, etc.

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

I just realized this after fighting with my mother. Except it wasn’t just my mom, it was also my dad… Watching this helped me understand exactly what was happening all these years and why I was growing so distant from my parents.

This reminds me of a Reddit thread. The thread start was something like "What one thing made you realise that your parent is toxic?" and someone had commented "When we watched Tangled and during the 'Mother Knows Best' song my mother said 'Wow, she really loves her daughter!'"

I think Pascel is the voice in someone's mind who's getting gaslighted. The tiny one that wants to get out of the tower (the toxic relationship) but always gets ignored or suppressed.

So, my husband and I had a conversation about how we will be caring for our parents whenever they get to the point they aren't able to care for themselves and one of the things I was most adamant about was that my mom couldn't live in the house with us because I would need to put cameras everywhere in order to keep a running record of what happens because her favorite line is "that didn't happen or I didn't say that, you're misremembering" that was always the phrase "you're misremembering". And I just can't do that again, let alone do that to any kids we may have.

This video opened my eyes to the fact that I've been gaslight by my (now former) best friend. Her picking things about me a part and saying "everyone thinks so", telling me I'm all she has so if I'm spending time with others I'm abandoning her, switching so quickly between empty praise and insults. It's so easy to overlook but when you step out of it and examine it it feels so abundantly clear

*awkwardly stares at my mom after she says “so im the bad guy here?” for the 3rd time a month* 😬

"You can't just completely cut them off of your life" You underestimate me.

1:08 Actress Dame Angela Lansbury, who played in the 1944 version of Gaslight by George Cukor, has passed away yesterday on the 11th of October 2022. My condolences to her loved ones. As you can see, even the early films she has played in are still relevant 🙏🏻

3:18 - "No!" "YEEESSSS!" gets me every time.

What I find interesting is you can see that Mother Gothel had a solid wooden door but Repunzel only had curtains, and that is denying someone of privacy!

reading these comments and realizing there's actually moms who unironically sang "mother knows best" to their children is horrifying.

What is funny, I actually was in family where my father was like mother Gothel and watching this movie the first time when I was a teen was very wierd to me. I didn't really understand in full extent why Mother Gothel was the villain if she loved her Ranpuzel so much. It was puzzling and uncomfortable for me but when I talked to my siblings they thought it is a great film and the movie makers did a excellent job. What was in my mind was "Would this movie make children not listen to their parents? It is a super wrong message!". And they responded with "The child would be right to not listen if a parent acted this way." Now i see it and it bothers me that I was so blind to this because of all the confusion. It is disturbing to me how many similarities I have with Ranpuzel as well. This movie is literally a therapy session for me.

She doesn't turn Flynn against Rapunzel. She turns Rapunzel against Flynn.

This movie is a masterpiece, shows so many behaviors toxic parents display I remember being little and saying "but Gothel isn't evil, right...? She loves Rapunzel, right...?". Back then I didn't understand why I wanted it so badly to be true. Funniest thing, my mother being the embodiment of Gothel would say "obviously not, she just wants the hair". It was all in plain sight. But then again, I was eight. It was my absolute favourite film and I didn't realise whyz Ten years later my therapist just brings it up suddenly to tell me how much my situation reminds her of Tangled, especially the song "Mother knows best". "Mother knows best reprise" is an absolute masterpiece of psychological manipulation. It checks all the boxes. Aside from the things mentioned in the video: 1. Gothel acts concerned and betrayed, until the very moment Rapunzel says "no" for the first time ever. It turns Gothel aggressive and openly hostile momentarily. Gaslighters often punish critical thinking and autonomy. 2. She keeps mockingly saying "sure, RAPUNZEL knows best" as if it was a punchline in and on its own, as if it was so unthinkably absurd that Raps could be right about anything 3. Says "don't come crying", implying that if she makes an independence decision she will have nothing to come back to (which is obviously untrue because gaslighters desperately need their victims), to make that option seem the more scary and punishing 4. She also has this behaviour that is constant throughout the film, she keeps referring to herself as "mother" "mom" or "mommy". I noticed this is very common among abusive mothers, it's like they're trying to hammer it into everyone's heads that they are a parent, even though they know damn well they aren't (Gothel isn't even Rapunzel's actual mother). 5. This may only be my experience, but the way Gothel acts so upbeat, theatrically joyful and lilting is nearly identical to the way my mother acts, as if to try and show the whole world that she's such a fun and positive person. And then it can obviously can change incredibly rapidly the second the victim expresses their independence or does anything that doesn't suit the gaslighter

It’s weird. When I was younger I thought that the mother still loved Rapunzel. This was such an interesting way to write a villain, it’s so subtle

I just realized how when rapunzel stands up to Gothel, gothel doesn’t try to force her physically but instead only tries to coerce her. It kind of showcases that attacking rapunzel’s mind is really the only power she has over rapunzel.

I know I'm late to the punch, but notice that Gothel gets to have a wooden door for her room, but Rapunzel was only allowed to have curtains. Gothel could shut out Rapunzel, but not the other way around.

Not to mention when she had realized Rapunzel wasn't in the tower, she went to a secret backdoor that she could have used at anytime. She instead had Rapunzel do the labor for her by pulling her up the window by her hair, then chastised her about being slow. This is the first thing we see in the movie.

My mom likes mother Gothel. Says "you can tell she really loves Rapunzel". She's a narcissist. My sister and I hate her because she was pretty much mother Gothel. Surprised?

Strong boundaries mean zero to the narcissist. They thrive on drama. Avoid if and when you can.

Reminder that she did all this to Cassandra and the day Rapunzel was abducted was the day Cassandra was dumped.

I love Mother Gothel. She’s such a well written villain. No exaggerated violence or brute force, just pure manipulation. She’s so realistic, watching the movie now that I’m older makes me so uneasy. Especially when she berates Rapunzel’s beauty, all because she’s insecure of her own age and aging process. One of the best Disney villains, imo.

*_Anxiety is pretty much just gaslighting yourself-_*

Is it just now that I realize Mother Gothel is like my parents but less angry and more manipulative?