Are the snakes behind you also secretly women?

Fantastic beasts should have done what it said on the tin. A movie about a kooky dude who just wants to travel and help out animals.

It would be pretty amazing if Newt didn't give a damn about Grindelwald's politics and was solely in it to avenge the lizard.

“Grindelwald is a nazi who wants to stop ww2, and queenie, a Jewish woman who can read minds, joins him” Lol

The Crimes of Grindelwald: - Exceptional cruelty to a lizard - Assembly without a permit - Having a gay lover in England before 1967 - Wand theft - That moustache

Dumbledore: "I can't move against Grindelwald. It has to be you, Newt" Newt: "Why me? What reason do I have to fight him?" Dumbledore: "He killed a lizard" Newt: *_apparates to Paris_*

"Can you imagine if they just stopped making these movies?" ~Jenny Nicholson (2018)

“Imagine if they just stop making these movies right in the middle like Divergent?” I don’t have to imagine💀

If I was going to do a drive-by movie spoiler, I'd just yell "Grindelwald vapes World War II!" out the window and leave them to chew on that for a bit.

Professor Mcgonagall: Divining is a notoriously imprecise art. Grindlewald: *vapes and predicts the Manhattan Project*

I do like this movie’s implication that when Mcgonagall turned into a cat on the first day of transfiguration it was the magical equivalent of her standing up and doing a flip.

I think what’s even better than the baby dying in the actual shipwreck is the fact that the baby did in fact make it into the lifeboat…. But then that lifeboat also sank

I hate that they had to introduce this whole Grindelwald plot when a movie about a gay and/or asexual Wizarding Steve Irwin who just fucks about 1920s New York trying to save animals is a much better premise for a series of movies

I'll be honest- if the movies were just about Newt caring for his animals and being a wizard Doctor Dolittle, I would love them.

Grindelwald is pre-Hitler and Voldemort is post-Hitler. It all converges when J K Rowling reveals that actual Hitler was also a wizard.

Something that really bothered me about the Hogwarts scene is that Dumbledore is giving the exact same boggart lesson that Lupin did, right down to the wardrobe it comes out of... like...are you kidding me? I thought Lupin had devised an engaging practical lesson out of happenstance, making use of a boggart that had taken up residence in the wardrobe, but it turns out to just be part of the basic curriculum for competent DADA teachers. Sidenote, the word curriculum sounds like it could be the spell JK Rowling casts whenever she's too lazy to write something interesting.

Magic can't save people from dying in childbirth; for that, you need the Dark Side of the Force. But that's not a story the Jedi would teach you.

Drive by spoiler: *GRINDELWALD VAPES HIROSHIMA*

Petition to change all instances of the word “wizard” to “yes-majique”

Coming back to this now when the news is fresh that the Fantastic Beasts franchise might actually be cancelled because of terrible sales, Jenny's comment about "What if they just stop making these movies in the middle of the story?" is hilariously prophetic.

“What are the crimes of Grindelwald? They never told me!”

Movie: *has scenes of small children dying and a woman raped* Also movie: no gay for you

the porg sensual pose distracts me from the video

i know this is super late but i just realised from the first film...wouldn't the obliviate rain have absolutely decimated New York's wizard population? Like, only the main characters and the wizard FBI were aware of what was happening in time to make their little magic umbrella things, but surely the thousands of non-FBI wizards roaming the streets at that time just had their entire lives deleted. Maybe the reason they don't go back to New York in the second film is because they're still coping with Newt's humanitarian crisis.

I like how Dumbledore is like "it has to be you Newt. You're the only one who can defeat Grindelwald", and Newt's like "bitch I write textbooks"

‘newts brother- clancy? i feel like his name was clancy’ newts brother: *is named theseus*

Two most disturbing things to my mind: 1) Two babies get killed in this movie. TWO. 2) Half elves are a thing. That they just brush over. Someone out there is screwing house elves. Why?

The Jacob thing really annoys me because the first movie ended with Queenie walking into Jacob's store and them smiling at each other. They could have just restarted their relationship off-screen! There didn't need to be a retcon!

14:28: The fact that you were able to repeat The Backstory back to us after only a single viewing is mighty impressive.

By far the weirdest reveal in this movie is that the Titanic makes a cameo.

I'm just excited for the day that JK shows off the original napkin and it has only 3 things on it. 1. Snake is Asian circus woman 2. Dumbledore is gay and has an intense sexual relationship with johnny depp 3. Anthony Goldstein - Jew wizard boy

'only snakes can be women' -jk rowling, known snerf

Jenny's suggestion that Rowling just makes everything up as she goes and retcons random things on a whim basically sums up all my problems with the original HP series

This doesn't even talk about the fact that Minerva McGonagall was teaching on at hogwarts about 15 years before she was born...

fantastic beasts flopped cause they didnt let newt take his griffin to arizona and meet the wizard cowboys

As much as I want her to do Fantastic Beasts 3, I feel like her silence on this movie is the reaction it deserves.

There is also an alarming lack of fantastic beasts in this movie. That's all I'm here for. The Harry Potter series gives a small glimpse into wizarding world flora and fauna, but I always felt like there's so much more to see. I don't want to see Grindelwald try and stop the holocaust, I don't want to know about Karma/Comma or Nagini the Human Woman. I just want to watch Newt, whomst I love dearly, interact with cool new animals in this universe. I'd honestly be more hyped about 100 minutes of Newt giving a room tour of his suitcase, than I'm hyped about a 3rd fantastic beasts movie. I'd be more hyped about a narrator voice reading wiki entries about new beasts, for that matter. Oh, wait, hold up, listen: Wizarding World Nature Documentary You could make it a series of shorts, and frame it as if it's a living portrait. Each one is a big painting portraying a scene from nature, and there could even be a portrait wizard explaining things. And then also, I please please want that Newt-case room tour.

Queenie could have moved to London to marry the guy but instead she becomes a Nazi. I guess moving is pretty stressful

Ringleader: This man may LOOK normal....but he has a blood curse. He can hula hoop. But ONE DAY he will not be able to STOP HULA HOOPING Man: sadly hula hoops while love interest looks on in anger

3:53 I'm calling it now: the absolute final plot twist about Credence's identity as that he's going to be Penelope Clearwater's grandfather, so he will literally be Credence Clearwater.

“Joanne people are really starting to suspect you’re sympathetic to nazis” Joanne: that’s insane. Anyway check this shit out

I was so expecting the circus to be more Newt-centric. That was the perfect opportunity to have him rescue some mistreated animals or illustrate one of the shady parts of wizard society. But it was just another throwaway scene to a movie full of them.

I hate that they made Queenie lose about 100 IQ points between the first and second movies.

"He put her under a spell, married her, and non-consensually had a baby with her..So _that's_ what was missing from the magical world of Harry Potter" to be fair, it wasnt missing, its literally a rehash of Voldemorts origin story.

I feel like in a wizard circus, an animagus could be the wizard equivalent of a trapeze artist. Like they’d turn into a lion or tiger or whatever and do cool things and jump thru hoops or something and it’d be cool cuz it’s somewhat of a feat to be an animagus (especially one with an animal form cool enough to put in a circus) and also they’re performing these cool feats of athleticism. It wouldn’t be like... a freak show thing.

This literally sounds like you are recapping a crazy dream you had the night before 🤣😂

JK in interview: Dumbledore was gay and had a relationskip with Grindelwald JK about Fantiastic Beasts 2: Dumbledore and Grindelwald will not be portraied as gay JK on Twitter: Dumbledore and Grindelwald had an intense sexual relationship

I recently saw Fantastic Beasts 2 and 3, so can now watch your video. Of all the crimes of Grindelwald, it was the crime of desperately trying to fit fantastic beasts into the Fantastic Beasts movies. Basically, this is the story of leaving school to get a job as a vet and then one day your old chemistry teacher rings you up because his serial killer ex-lover has escaped from jail.

I just realized something, the whole "Grindelwald and Dumbledore can't fight each other bc magic necklace" is a plot hole according to lore. The whole reason Dumbledore's sister died is because him, Aberforth and Grindelwald got into a huge three-way wand duel. I normally don't give a fuck about plot holes, but this is a key piece of Dumbledore's backstory??? Also it's very dumb, like, if you're gonna contradict your characters established backstory at least do it in the name of something interesting.

The famous Dumbledore brothers: Albus, Aberforth and Another

The thing is that there are actually different terms for muggles around the world. (In French, it's moldu for example). It would have been a great opportunity to show the work of the numerous translators all around the world. Paying respect to those who helped making the franchise worldwide, instead of making unimaginative made up words.

Fun fact for anyone watching this nowadays: the Crimes of Grindelwald poster actually has more characters on it than the Avengers: Endgame poster. I bet a not-insignificant number of people who went to see Avengers: Endgame could name every character on that poster. I would have a hard time naming half of the characters on the Grindelwald poster

will never forget when my bf told me that the japanese magic school in the hp verse is called "mahou tokoro" and i laughed for like two straight minutes because that effectively just means Magic Place

J. K. Rowling is the equivalent of my middle school self plucking my eyebrows for the first time, where it started out great and just got worse as I kept trying to fix it and make them better and more even. They didn't need to be fixed in the first place but I certainly ended up ruining my image and looking like an idiot.

Johnny Depp looks like an albino cockatoo

“What if they just stop making these movies in the middle of the story?” I actually have some funny news

Hey, remember to that time JK said that Dumbledore didn't have a romance because no one wants to see an elderly person kiss. Then she made a movie with young Dumbledore and then didn't have him in a romance. And he's her only alleged lgbtq character. alleged because it's not really in the cannon at all? And maybe that's by design?

Honestly wouldn't even be surprised if the lizard survived and ended up being Dumbledore's fourth brother smh

These movies should've been planet-earth style documentaries, with Newt as the host

This is what I wish the Fantastic Beast movie was about. It opens with young Hagrid, freshly expelled and settling into life as the groundskeeper at Hogwarts. Without classes or friends, he has more free time to explore his interests in magical creatures. In doing so he opens a book called fantastic beasts and where to find them. It then goes back in time where Newt is narrating over the prologue to his book, interspersed with footage of him tending to his various creatures while a quill auto writes in the background. He then launches into listing various creatures and we hear about how he was informed of their location, him walking through different lands, sticking out like a sore thumb but oblivious and how he gains the animal's trust in order to catch them. All of this has no voice lines from young newt or anyone else, it's all voice over narration. It could have sections like "methods of capture" "creating a suitable habitat" "dietary needs" "precautions" "dos and donts" etc. Interspersed with Hagrid dealing with various creatures throughout the series. It then ends with an epilogue about respect and understanding of all creatures being important and encourages the reader to do so whenever possible. The shot closes on Hagrid preparing for his first day of teaching in the third movie, attaching ferrets to his person before shutting the door behind him and it zooms in on the book cover, worn with age.

sometimes i rewatch this film just to hear the ine "you're a dirty liar, jo!" because it always makes me laugh

Ah, a villain trying to stop a holocaust by causing a different holocaust. So Grindelwald is Magneto without the pathos, got it.

In the UK we have 'lifts' in the US you have 'tiny rooms that move vertically between the floors of a building.' Right?

7:48 This has been bothering me for literally years now. JKR established in Goblet of Fire that memory charms *can* be broken by even stronger magic. Voldemort (or Peter) breaks the memory charm on Bertha Jorkins and that's how they learn Barty Crouch Jr. is still alive. It would have made absolutely perfect sense to be like "oh yeah, Queenie wanted her man back so she dabbled in some dark magic to retrieve his actual memories, and as a side effect he's just really suggestible for a few days or weeks after." And maybe she didn't want to do that because it's implied (or maybe even stated, I don't remember) that it takes the Imperius Curse to break memory charms and it would have been too heavy to have Queenie using Unforgivables this early in her apparently downward spiral to evil, but it would have been way less stupid to handwave that as "well, that's just memory charms cast by wizards, the eagle thing's magic is different so it only took some sort-of dark magic to break it" which would still have foreshadowed Queenie being swayed to the dark side. But no, two dumb explanations for why one thing is happening is better than one minor retcon of established lore, sure Jo.

"Can you imagine if they just stopped making these movies before they hit the end?" Oracle moment

“It turns out Buckbeak was a Filipino man named Buckbeak the whole time” 👌🏻😂

British and American word differences: Zip Code = Post Code Fall= Autumn Restroom = Cottage Donuts = Roundellos Mailman = Postlord Pretzel = Salty Harrumph Pants = Leg Sleeves Hot Dogs = Rupert's Fingers Sidewalk = Footroad Tic-Tac-Toe = The Battle of Gridlington Eggplant = Bunglespleen Cotton Candy = Her Majesty's Sugar Barnet

My hot take on the Wizard WW2 thing is that wizards actually kind of suck at actual combat. Like Avada Kedavara, the only lethal spell is both forbidden and seemingly fires slower than a regular old gun. Wizards would make better spies than soldiers.

Rowling needs to practice what she preaches. I understand that studio execs may have a say, but if you are going to declare Dumbledore and Grindelwald to have an intense sexual relationship, don't hide their motivations behind some no-homo MacGuffin.

I feel like when he listed the diffferent terms for 'muggle', Grundelwald should have stumbled while trying to pronounce some comedically long German composite noun. Just imagine: "The Muggles. The No-Majs. The Nichtzaure-, Nichtbauze-, Nichtzaubereiberäf-, ... ähem... Nichtzaubereibefähigten"

i love how you're referring to zoe kravitz's character as zoe kravitz

ill admit i was freaked out when jenny vaped into her orb and showed images of the fantastic beasts movie franchise dying before it could be finished

The thing that really sucks about these movies is that they could have had a really compelling arc about Newt learning to become a hero. Like in the first movie he accidentally ends up being a part of a plot with Grindewauld but as the movies go along he decides to help Dumbledore because he's a compassionate person and because he wants to make sure that the world isn't destroyed and so the animals he cares so much about have safe habitats to live in or whatever. They set up Newt really well in the first movie. He was a super compelling character but as the movies go on he just ends up in the story, he has no agency. Like the first movie set up a perfect motivation for Newt having a problem with both the American magical government and Grindewauld by killing Credence. This could have created really compelling conflict for Newt to actually make sense within this story.

"Why is Newt involved in any of this?" Good. Question.

I lol'd at the "no magique"... I can't imagine a wizard in Paris saying "hi, i'm a yes magique"

To be fair JK may have actually considered Nagini's backstory from the conception of the snake in the original story. But that's only because the origin of the name Nagini already comes with that history. Either way, a shape-changing snake woman named Nagini wasn't her idea. At least when George RR Martin uses history to supply his plot-points, he just admits it.

"Can’t-spells is my new name for all you guys in the comments section." LMAO

I just keep imagining J.K. Rowling watching this video and going "shit, I didn't think about that"

Let’s be real, the no homo necklace is just there because she didn’t want to explore their relationship and didn’t want to do something as extreme as the unbreakable vow

"Little boy wizard that lives in a cupboard and the snake is a Korean lady" 😂

Because Nagini is probably not easily translatable from parseltongue I just had the funniest thought. Nagini and Voldemort playing that game where you are like "name"- first sillable, 2 letters, Beginning -second sillable, 3 letters, I - first sillable, 1 letter, and like Voldemort intently trying to figure out her name.

This just in: Dobby is a descendant of wizard Karl Marx, and he is and always was a symbol of the struggle faced by the proletariat under the crushing power of the bourgeoisie. Socks represent the inevitable class war.

Also the state or name Indonesia did not yet exist before WW2, it would have been the Dutch East Indies. So the guy saying "from the jungles of Indoneeesiaa!!" must be a time traveler. Or JK Rowling did not bother to look up the history of Indonesia when she wrote that line.

funnily enough about the “no-maj” thing, jk effectively did the same thing with the international wizard schools. the american school has a whimsical name but all the other school names are just “magic school” in their respective languages.

Jenny: " Can you imagine if they stop making these movies because they don't make any money?" Me from the future: Yes, yes I can.

Also, about the muggle into french. I thought it was kind of disrespectful to translators of JK Rowling to not use the word "moldu" which is the word we use in French. Come on, some people searched for a nice sounding appropriate term.

"Added this weird no-homo lore" is the best way you can explain the blood pact

Narrator: His brother's name was not Clancy

You explaining the swapped babies plotline made me feel like I was on an acid trip. Your summary is good enough for me to not watch the movie, thank you!

Did the movie seriously use actual Hitler as a justification for the rise of Wizard Hitler? C'mon, J.K.

Luke Skywalker: You killed my father! Darth Vader: No, you were switched with my actual son while on a spaceship that crashed, and he died, but you are actually Obi Wan's secret son! Luke: Vader: Luke: *What?*

My favorite part of this critique is how damming it is that Jenny understands and knows more about Harry Potter than JK Rowling.

I mean I think the “why didn’t the wizards stop WWII” thing can be explained if there were wizards on both sides of the war and there were secret wizard battles or whatever, and the wizard allied forces helped ‘behind the scenes’. But there’s absolutely no way JK can come out and say that some Nazis were wizards because that’s very weird and insensitive to actual history. Even though she’s happy to come out and be a horrible terf

"I had already accepted that snakes exist........and that sometimes they're really big..." I love this part the most

"look, all the fans know grindelwald and dumbledore were smashing butts, so how about we bring back some of the actual moral and emotional conflict that the original harry potter was loved for and make this a deeper, more mature movie plus take an actual step towards better representation of gay people in media?" "nah thats dumb, how abt like, a magic bromance necklace?"

After watching the Secrets of Dumbledore, I very much want to see Jenny tear it to sheds as well.

"Master has given Dobby a sock. Dobby is free" Little did we know that the sock would be transphobia...

I think they meant grindelwald to be cool and attractive. Funny thing is, Johnny Depp isn’t. You know who is? Colin Farrell.

So Nagini is an Indonesian woman with an Indian name played by a Korean actress and written by a British woman.

Earlier tonight, I asked a couple I was serving what movie they saw on their date and they said they went to see Fantastic Beasts: Secrets of Dumbledore. I confusedly let out an "Oh?" and just walked away because I assumed this video singlehandedly ended the Fantastic Beast series.