34. OCD Treatment: How to help someone with OCD (who isn't ready to change)

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34. OCD Treatment: How to help someone with OCD (who isn't ready to change)

Рет қаралды 12,483

Күн бұрын

CBT therapist Katie d'Ath talks about how to help someone who might not yet be ready or willing to change. Katie offers individual therapy but you may also like to check out BetterHelp betterhelp.com...
Sponsorship received using these links supports Katie's work in helping people overcome OCD.

Пікірлер: 78

@toastrecon 2 жыл бұрын

Man. Being in a relationship with someone with ROCD is so fantastically hard when they don't want to get help. Especially if they convince themselves that it's imperative that you break up, only to come to their senses a few weeks or months later and then do it all again. Kudos to couples that make it through to healing. I imagine that there's serious trauma on both sides.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Yes ROCD is particularly tough on the partner. There are some good resources on rocd.net that you might find helpful.

@andrewking8123 3 ай бұрын

From one cognitive therapist to another your info is sterling!

@timmyshares 2 жыл бұрын

My country has been in lockdown for almost 3 months now and it only made my OCD worse than it had already been. Luckily, I found your videos a few weeks ago when I was at rock bottom and they helped me a lot. Thank you so so much for your amazing work, Katie. You are doing God's work right here.

@meeksikh1 2 жыл бұрын

I know how you feel. Where I live we've been in and out of lockdowns all winter and the isolation, stress and uncertainty has also worsened my anxiety and ocd symptoms. Thank God for Katie d'Ath 💖🙏

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Minh. I'm really glad you found the videos and that they have been helping.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

@@meeksikh1 Thank you - sorry it's such a tough time.

@Rebeccafussell_yachtbroker 2 жыл бұрын

Thank-you Katie, for this, and all the work you do! So so so valuable. I hope you feel the appreciation. THANK YOU!!!

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Rebecca. I'm always very pleased to hear that the videos are helping people.

@karlvanheijster2577 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Katie. Hearing this really helps. Kind regards from the Netherlands.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Glad you found it helpful.

@ol4840 Жыл бұрын

I understand your suggestion of being cruel to be kind but most OCDs may get very upset / mad and threaten to hurt themselves or even suiside if we do not follow their way of doing things.

@art_of_life5437 Жыл бұрын

Then they need to be institutionalized to receive the help they need. Not ruin the lives of those around them.

@mytruth3777 Жыл бұрын

@@art_of_life5437but u can’t even place them somewhere unless they actually GET violent. It ain’t easy.

@darzphonegraves3705 Жыл бұрын

Here's my cruel to be kind idea. Suck it up and follow their way anyway! Leave psychology to the pros! Just Love them the way you want to be and expect to loved, cared and respected for you too! See yourself there in struggling and in care. Would you want to be respected and cared for responsibly? Of course you do then act accordingly.

@liljemark1 9 ай бұрын

@@darzphonegraves3705the problem with living with OCD in a relationship and allowing OCD to be control, is that it will erode the relationship. Accommodation and reassurance only fuels the OCD. Family members can become passive, avoidant, feel like being taken advantage of and arguments erupt. Yes, love is important but family members need to remember to set boundaries where they can love themselves and the person with the OCD.

@exposinginsanity 4 ай бұрын

Yes...tough love. Do not allow them to be irrational in your presence.

@richardsmith4098 Ай бұрын

What about when the OCD isn't harmful but excessive cleaning and insisting on everything being in the right place. My wife insists that i stock the canned vegetables with the labels facing outward and I have to put the glasses in the exact place she does. Stuff like that. It's not that she is wrong but it is almost an impossible standard for me to keep. If I try to make the bed it won't be to her standards. If I don't do it perfectly then I am disrespecting her. I am in a no win situation.

@KS-lb1tu 28 күн бұрын

It's never going to change if she doesn't make a real effort to change. Trust me it will only get worse and you'll be miserable forever.

@nadisnotmad 3 ай бұрын

Hi Dr. Katie, thanks for the video but it feels we are coming across you a little too late. My brother is diagnoased with acute/severe OCD. And he is also very depressed and has stopped wishing to live and despite after being in a local rehab back in Delhi, India for good 6 weeks is now again back to the same situation in no time. What can we do as he won't take any medicines and has also stopped eating. We feel a bit helpless. The doctor at the hospital is asking for a re-admission for the same cost but the trust is lost as the doctor assumed he is ok to be released and released him. We did force him to go to the hospital/rehab as he had stopped eating and was on a death bed. It seems by making him go there, we just got an extension.

@MultiCosmicCat Жыл бұрын

What if they ask you to put dish soap in a certain spot and if you go outside that spot they flip the hell out on you. I continually just put the dish soap just wherever not thinking about it right after washing. They think that it’s going to contaminate everything that’s near where we make coffee. So don’t change my behavior? Just keep doing how I normally would and not adapt cause he flips out. 😩 They don’t want to get help and think they don’t have a problem and justify it with it being chemicals and such 😢 Thanks for all your guidance

@liljemark1 9 ай бұрын

If possible, buy or borrow "The Family guide to getting over OCD" book by Jonathan Abramowitz. Your goal is to stop helping this person with the washing.

@exposinginsanity 4 ай бұрын

You should never bend to hang out with an irrational person who gets ANGRY when you are rational??? Mental illness (OCD) should NOT be in charge!! People who won't get help have chosen the illness OVER you!

@M00170866 3 жыл бұрын

Lovely Katie. This is what I was waiting to see

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Hope it has helped a tiny bit. Deep breaths!

@M00170866 2 жыл бұрын

@@23katied it’s been a seriously continuous battle living with someone who has OCD. It’s broken and ripped apart our family because of a lack of knowledge/misunderstanding on OCD however even after learning & understanding on the OCD it’s still just as difficult. I literally take everyday as it comes with my wife. Would have left ages ago (I’ve really tried) if my kids weren’t around.

@celestialstorybooks 4 ай бұрын

Thank you! This video is so helpful!

@goodlife...5903 2 жыл бұрын

I don't know how to express my gratitude for you, I mean I have no words to express that how much you helped me with this , THANK YOU A LOT MAM, THANK YOU IS NOT ENOUGH 🥰🥰🥰🧡🧡👍 ,YOU ARE MAKING PEOPLE'S LIVES A LOT BETTER. GOD BLESS YOU ,LIKE REALLY . If I can help you in a certain way just let me know, If my account is active and If I know that you need help and I am in a position to help I will definitely help you too. God bless you a lottt.

@michelleb6363 5 ай бұрын

What if being patient allows him to hurt someone? Or it can make you sick mentally or your children, what then?

@23katied 4 ай бұрын

It's hard to comment on this without knowing the details but as a rule of thumb I would say that we should always put the welfare of ourselves and our children first, even if that means withdrawing support from somebody who needs it.

@explore.dream.capture 4 ай бұрын

@Katie, suppose we stop doing the things which the person's OCD is asking us to do, but if it makes them very angry to the extent that they start shouting/ manipulating us, that If you don't do this, I will do that, what should we do? Can a person's OCD make them do harmful things to them? e.g., For a few months my mother won't eat the food herself, my father makes her eat with his hands, and if he asks her to eat herself, she would say ok I'm not hungry and wouldn't eat anything.

@Guguchina 2 жыл бұрын

Hi I have a question. What about doing things that are not their OCD but affected by it? My partner has OCD handwashing and so, he cant (and says he cant) do things such as washing the dishes or cleaning because his hands are so raw and cracked from over washing. Thus, I have been doing all these chores for years and he instead does the cooking and some other non-hand water chores. Honestly, it is the only thing I get backlash on - he/his OCD gets angry when I suggest him to do some dishes once a week when I have a long commuting day or on a short work trip and he is working from home. If there are no dishes he will buy takeaway instead of washing some. The strong reaction makes me think I am abetting the OCD and making it easier for him to over wash his hands by taking up all the other chores which would cause him physical pain? That being said, he has made good progress. It's very few these days he asks me if I've washed my hands and is okay with me giving a uncertain answer enough to not backlash. We have also been working on less reassurance. Whilst he still asks me a lot, he no longer back lashes when I give a non-descript answer and is able to then combat that thing on his own. Maybe the washing dishes etc is a step too far for the present?

@darzphonegraves3705 Жыл бұрын

Take a half a loaf it's better than nothing!

@FuFuAirline 11 ай бұрын

Consider rubber gloves

@Legend-pc3ng 2 жыл бұрын

WHY WOULDNT YOU WANT TO BE HELPED?

@darzphonegraves3705 Жыл бұрын

It's not the why but how. It really has to be for the person who does have rights just like you too! If help for such person then it's good for you too! You must have therapy and loved ones too must undergo treatment for themselves while at it.

@darzphonegraves3705 Жыл бұрын

Yes You too and loved ones must take the very same responsibility you're asking for from OCD's. You Too Must suffer discomfort and acquire discipline in recovery too. Otherwise yes it's still God's job not yours, hers no one's!

@darzphonegraves3705 Жыл бұрын

OCD ABC or anything else where the sun don't shine It's not anyone's place nor do you get to play therapy with your loved ones either. You're unqualified to do so.

@waynepolo6193 2 ай бұрын

@@darzphonegraves3705Jesus, dude. Chill out.

@snchzsherwin Жыл бұрын

I am on the same boat and I really need a support. I need to be strong for my family. Thank you for this. However, I have a question, I can start providing uncertainty and not giving in with the ritual requests, however, the problem is that, my wife will use my kids to accompany her to do the rituals. Honestly, she is not getting from me and always asking my son or daughter to satisfy his OCD. What can we do? I am so frustrated and depressed.

@liljemark1 9 ай бұрын

"The Family guide to getting over OCD" by Jonathan Abramowitz has helped me tons. However, I'm in the same boat - kids are growing and I can see my wife turning to them for reassurance. If possible, you could try to find a OCD specialist (therapist) online or near you, who works with couples. Unfortunately there's only so few of them in the world... many therapists say they can help with OCD but are actually clueless when it's something like Pure-O or ROCD.

@eveshute5107 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Katie. I have been working through your videos. Thought I would comment on your latest video in the hope that you/someone else will see my comment. I have a few questions for you (My ocd is affecting me as 'pure o' and the moment) 1. What if my thought is completely rational? The thoughts I have are not completely ridiculous like some of my previous ones so when I come to do my ERP, the idea of 'belittling' my thoughts or realising they are not important, doesn't work, it just solidifies what I already think. 2. When I do the ERP, I don't have a huge surge in anxiety, I more just think, 'well this is confirming what I already think' and move on with my day. What can I do to feel more productive about overcoming ocd? I hope all this makes sense, not sure if it does. Have a nice day and I hope someone can help :-)

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Lois. It's not unusual for a thought to be 'rational' - that's one of the ways that OCD reels you in/ When a thought is obviously ridiculous and outlandish it rarely becomes and obsession because those thoughts are so much easier not to pay attention to. So just because a thought is 'rational' it doesn't mean you HAVE to pay attention to it and think about it. Often people will ask "well how will I know which thoughts to pay attention to and which ones not to?" - my usual answer is to treat them all as part of your OCD and see what happens. The thing about this is that we are acting on thoughts and impulses all the time that we don't even notice so it's unlikely you are going to stop functioning if you test out treating any thoughts you don't like or find uncomfortable as immaterial and not worth bothering with. Just try and see what happens.... p.s hard to say regarding the ERP without any specifics

@emanelkholy5127 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the video

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome

@moneyman4809 2 жыл бұрын

What if they want to change bad and can’t and they don’t want help cuz they think they know what to do but it isn’t working and there giving into the ocd

@mytruth3777 Жыл бұрын

My same exact experience with my loved one

@cemozsahin 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome.

@rickrobert9319 2 жыл бұрын

Hi katie.. Asking this again.. Do you provide paid online therapy sessions ? If yes kindly answer.. I really need them, please answer.. Yes or No is all you have to type.. 🙏🏻 P.S. Your videos are very helpful, keep them coming up.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Rick, I do but I'm afraid I'm not able to take on any more clients at the moment. I will definitely do my best to keep the videos coming!

@rickrobert9319 2 жыл бұрын

@@23katied Hello Ma'am, Thank you for replying. Ma'am kindly tell a suitable week or month as per your availability, I'll try then. I really think I can open up to you regarding my problem. Please answer. Thanks.

@nafeesmuktadir3199 2 жыл бұрын

Hi,ma'am.I found that when dealing with my obssesions(i mean letting the thoights come) helps me more if there isna mirror in front of me.Is it unusal

@sanjeev4036 2 жыл бұрын

Can you make a video on False memory OCD. I keep getting thoughts about embarrassing moments and situations I've never been in.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Sanjeev, I'll add it to the list. Watch this space.

@truthsayer13 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Katie, I struggle with selective noise sensitivity (sounds of tv/people talking in another room) especially if its preventing me from getting to sleep or distracting me from concentrating on something and I read somewhere that it's another perhaps less known symptom of ocd. I just re-watched your attention training video and was wondering whether attention training can help with this, where I can learn to shift my attention away from environmental sounds/noises and be bothered less?

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Attention training would be really helpful for you. In many ways you can boil OCD down to paying too much attention to certain things - in your case sounds - so yes definitely worthwhile. Also notice what you do to try and get away from the problem (ear plugs, sleeping in certain way etc etc) and try doing the opposite....hard but you'll be amazed at the results if you stick at it.

@meeksikh1 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your feedback! I'll let you know how I go with it (:

@darzphonegraves3705 Жыл бұрын

Okay but I still want a good night's sleep. It's good for mental health too! Not always complaining is nice but not always putting up with constant noise isn't healthy either. I know you sure wouldn't stand for it. There has to be a healthy medium to live by.

@dreamworld8466 2 жыл бұрын

Mam plz help me and giving a solution? I have ocd for 2yrs and I have lot to say but now I want an urgent remedy that is when I speak something to someone I over concentrate my words and sometimes I concentrate more on the people in front of me whom I talk so the thing is that I can't concentrate what I'm trying to say you know we say something bcz we think that matter but I can't think and I give my concentrtiin to some other as I told above. Plz help mama. Bcz of that I lost my interview

@helenfoster3703 2 жыл бұрын

Any thoughts about how people who don't have OCD can still disagree about standards for home security / hygiene / noise etc? If you've got used to going along with unreasonable requests all the time, I guess it might be hard to know which requests are reasonable any more, and that'll be something to discuss with your support team?

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

In the treatment process we tend to throw out the idea of what is 'reasonable' or not - partly because there is no fixed answer to this but also because in treatment we need to oversteer - so if we steer to the 'wrong' side of reasonable - i.e less safe/hygenic etc then the person discovers they can survive that so when they naturally drift back they end up roughly around the 'reasonable' mark. Otherwise, if you only ever do what you deem 'reasonable' the ocd will always be able to say "yeah,, but it's only ok as long as it's like this so you'd better be really careful...." and it's hard to create freedom and change with that.

@helenfoster3703 2 жыл бұрын

@@23katied Hmm, that makes sense for treatment, but this video was about denying someone else's requests. Say A and B live together. A sometimes forgets to lock the door, and prepares B's food without washing hands first. A also thinks B has OCD (but if B doesn't want to get help, they might not be diagnosed, and A can't really be diagnosing them). B keeps asking "could you do something about those things?" and A is like "no I'd just be enabling your anxiety".

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

@@helenfoster3703 Ah apologies Helen I misunderstood what you were asking. I would carry on as you are - it is definitely unhelpful to give in to the others demands.... If it bothers them so much that you don't wash your hands they can make their own food!

@helenfoster3703 2 жыл бұрын

@@23katied Thanks for your reply. (For the record, that was an example, I do wash my hands before handling other people's food, and I'm not suggesting any of the people I live with has OCD.)

@Cravingcalm 2 жыл бұрын

I'm someone . Someone's me

@herrnkniebolo1180 3 жыл бұрын

Do you suppose that one of the ways to unravel the consequences what something like addiction can result in, is to think of the phenomena as symptoms of an OCD with a very positive death-wish drive?

@herrnkniebolo1180 3 жыл бұрын

No one dies out of watching too much television or repeatedly clicking on the same button but smoking a dozen cancer sticks everyday along with drinking a gallon of gin every week is not healthy and will probably kill you sooner or later.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

I haven't ever thought of it like this but I often talk with people about how engaging with OCD is a way of avoiding other things in life they may not want to deal with....

@herrnkniebolo1180 2 жыл бұрын

@@23katied ...and I often wonder what Dr. Johnson would respond to that!

@anweshabardhan1579 2 жыл бұрын

Hi. Can you tell me whether oral contraceptive pills (21 days) cause a rise in ocd thoughts and anxiety? Coz i have had ocd since i was in grade 8 and now I'm 30. It's comes and goes in phases but recently i started on pills and i feel i have been having the worst ocd phase ever. Please help.

@23katied 2 жыл бұрын

Hi there, I'm not a medical doctor so this is out of my realm but in my experience many women find that their anxiety and ocd fluctuates with the hormonal cycle so it may be that the hormones are impacting you.