29 Years Old: I Lost my Brother to Suicide
Рет қаралды 82,442
Күн бұрын
@mandykayla4762 2 жыл бұрын
I am suicidal I was planning on pulling the plug today but needed to see someone else point of view of the family of victims who committed suicide. I never contacted the suicide hotline maybe I should. Maybe things will change horribly for my family and friends I don’t know. After listening to a few of these type of stories I have a change of mind to maybe do it another day, or not at all. I did however create this list of 6 things I wanna do before I pull the plug but I haven’t completed one thing on the list. The whole point of it was to find a reason to live, wanting to be alive but…..kinda tired at this point.
@JoshHitti 2 жыл бұрын
Hey Mandy - I hope Emily has helped to show that no matter what you may think, you are extremely loved by numerous people. It might not feel like that, but I can tell you that you have a positive impact on so many more people than you know. I see you make videos as well - we would all love to hear about the 6 things on your bucket list! I'm going to pin this comment in hopes that others can contact you as well. Let us know if you need anything. Talk to you soon
@katythebeauty330 2 жыл бұрын
You have a beautiful smile and your acting is wonderful! I want you to know that God has a plan for you and your life! The fact that you watched this video that day was God telling you to rethink things. Keep going! Live your life to the fullest! I want you to keep living life and sharing experiences with your family and friends! This can be something that you can use as a testimony one day to others. Try to find joy in the little things everyday. Whether that’s reading a book, playing games, cooking. Also try to stay off of social media for awhile! KZfaq is ok but take a break from all other platforms. Praying for you and I hope that you know that you are loved and wonderful just the way that you are. Tell a doctor and try to go to counseling. Definitely tell your family and friends how time has been difficult for you lately. You are not alone ❤️
@iwantyourcookiesnow 2 жыл бұрын
I’m close to the same spot you are in. I heard that the suicide hotline is more of a referral service for mental health services and don’t build it up into something monumental and you can expect to be out on hold. The point of all of it is to probably get you medicated or if you are in danger to k look it you in emergency mental health services aka a psych ward. I call Gospel Billboards sometimes. Usually someone will be able to hear you out and pray for you. I hope things get better for you or that you don’t give up.
@spencer1854 2 жыл бұрын
Mandy- I'm sorry for whatever has lead you to be in this position. I've been there as well. Letting go and crying out to Jesus with all my heart is what ultimately saved me. But if you are still having these thoughts, please reach out to somebody for help. I know you have reasons to feel this way, but any suicidal thoughts are ultimately distortions of the truth- they are distortions of who you truly are, of your beauty and your potential. Unfortunately the lies you tell yourself grow in the dark, please take a deep breath and let the light in! Let someone in, and let God in! You are beautiful, you are loved unconditionally by God, and you were created for a purpose. I would love to hear your list of things you want to experience. Maybe you could make some KZfaq videos on your channel about it? God bless you, much love sister
@flamingrobin5957 2 жыл бұрын
dont do it you have value to God. Jesus can help you. find a church that teaches the bible and the forgiveness and hope jesus purchased on the cross. God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly. the devil lies to us that we are worthless and life has no meaning. God understands our pain and can help us with his love
@odinson6348 Жыл бұрын
Depression isn't understood by those who don't go through it. It's not sadness. It's overwhelming, constant hopelessness. You have no idea how draining the facade of being ok is. Just so you don't have to hear "how good life can be". Doesn't matter how much you're loved. You don't love living. I love my family, my family loves me. Doesn't begin to touch depression. Sometimes you learn to live with it. Reluctantly. Friends and family talk about how selfish it is to end your own life. They want you to live so they don't have to feel grief. THAT'S selfish. Unless you're depressed, it's just a word you use. You'll never understand.
@laylascott6096 Жыл бұрын
Don’t seek religion I want to be clear, but seek a personal relationship with Jesus. He loves you and will set you free
@odinson6348 Жыл бұрын
@@laylascott6096 That's a lie.
@odinson6348 Жыл бұрын
@@MirageSelby Oh I'm long past that. "God" and I have a fickle relationship, but the Bible, religion? Most certainly not. Heathen and proud of it.
@DeV-2909 Жыл бұрын
Your family loves you. That's reason enough for you to live bitch. Quit whining. Some people are depressed & noone loves them. So you have it better. I feel like punching you in the face. Find out why you're depressed. There's always always always a reason. Get rid of that reason. And live.
@TheFracturedfuture 5 ай бұрын
@@laylascott6096Don't seek religion just seek religion is basically what you said.
@kristacarter4039 Жыл бұрын
I lost my brother by suicide on July 26th 2020. He also shot himself. I understand your pain. It is very real and very deep. My brother, Dustin suffered from mental illness and he fought so hard for so long to stay on this earth for his family. He knew it would hurt us all so much so he stayed and suffered for years. Until that one day he just could not endure any longer. I mean no disrespect to soldiers, Dustin was not military but I call him my fallen soldier because he fought for his life everyday. Everyday he woke up and it was a battle to make it to the next day. Almost three years later I still cry for him. I miss him so much. Some days I can talk about him and be totally fine with no tears. Other days the tears and pain come from this deep place and just erupts and I am on the ground trying to remember how to breath again. Grief alone is a hard time to go through. Grief from suicide is a whole other ballgame. SO many extra feelings go along with this grief. Along with the stigma tied into suicide. To watch the look some peoples faces, to see that flash of judgment. It hurts deep. I hope they never have to understand what it feels like to lose someone you love to their own hand. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. Know your brothers legacy lives on in your heart and in the eyes of his two babies. We are bonded sisters by the loss of our brothers. Love to you and yours.
@M.j.7 2 ай бұрын
Everything you said is so relatable ❤ I lost mine a year ago. Mine jumped in front of a semi… Everything he had been through, his fighting to keep living was inspirational… Everyday I think about his smile and how much he laughed even though he was in pain. I haven’t experienced the judgement from other people yet or if I have haven’t realized it because of how dissociated I have been. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
@pdj49 Жыл бұрын
I'm 60 and just tired of living. Days just seems pointless. I'm a critical care R.N. that is exhausted. I have no friends and my daughters live far away with busy lives of their own. The only reason I don't take my life is knowing the pain that it would cause... Thanks for the video.
@columbagonzalez5203 Жыл бұрын
Please hang on and keep fighting.
@hanskazan7403 Жыл бұрын
Tell your daughters in person this what you have ritten here
@AL-sg2jd Жыл бұрын
Find meaning in your life by helping others. Not just by your job but volunteering or being positive to their around you. You will see how immensely it impacts your life. I wish you the best
@rjvowels Жыл бұрын
U ok?
@happilycauleyvlog6722 Жыл бұрын
Go find meaning to n life.
@AL-sg2jd Жыл бұрын
There’s a lot of pain in this world. Let’s all be nicer to each other. Smile at someone each day. Ask people how they are. Do something good for someone you don’t know if you have the chance. Be uplifting. You never know how small actions can have big impacts
@tracyselvey3685 Жыл бұрын
AMEN❤️❤️❤️❤️
@rowenwhite1543 Жыл бұрын
I just lost my twin brother to suicide two weeks ago and I'm broken in all ways. He was also a father. Hearing your courageous story helps me feel less alone in this immeasurable pain. 💔😭 Thank you and my deepest condolences.
@user-vj3ty9us5h Жыл бұрын
My brother left us 3 weeks ago. It's been disbelief + an unbearable unimaginable pain. May u find strength in the power of mind, think any thoughts that make u feel better. This video and ur comment also helps me in finding comfort, we're all beyond broken 😘🙏
@nelsonsibiya9204 Жыл бұрын
Condolences to both you @Rowen White and @S. Hope u both are healing.
@andrewg3768 Жыл бұрын
I also lost my brother last year and he was a father too and although he wasn't my twin in many ways it felt like he was and many people mix us up even though I am 8 years older than him.
@daisyhinojosa23 Жыл бұрын
I lost my brother to drugs he was 30 he had 3 kids
@perolagrande 6 ай бұрын
@@daisyhinojosa23Not the same thing. Drugs are a bad choice, nothing to do with depression.
@Hannah-wd9ev Жыл бұрын
7 years later and I STILL feel this pain. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Sending love and hugs from Tennessee ❤️ losing my brother changed my life forever. Thinking about you.
@robertikemire4445 Жыл бұрын
it sure does change your life It's been 22 years since I lost my little 21 year old brother and I remember 2 memories of Wesley like it happened today . 2001 in his question h
@shellcshells2902 Ай бұрын
I am so sorry. Its been 10 years since my brother's suicide. It still catches my breath away. Horrible complicated grief. 😢
@judithlight1111 2 жыл бұрын
Sometimes it is spiritual...and some simply wanna go home..bc our society is very cold✨🌟
@SuperKillaki 11 ай бұрын
The thing about suicide is that it does not end the pain it just shifts it.
@Mike-01234 Жыл бұрын
Lost my best friend of 33 years last week to suicide. He lost his dog a few weeks before took it real hard. I just didn't see the signs maybe I ignored them I don't know but he kept saying he was so depressed. He stopped getting back to me I went looking for him I found him dead. I didn't realize he shot himself it was in a dark trailer the Fire Department told me he had a gunshot wound. Police accused me of shooting him I denied it maybe they had to do that not sure later it was ruled a suicide. I was worried I end up in legal trouble kind of angry with him for that I don't think he thought I would be the one who found him. I had to take a week off work my wife didn't understand she was angry I paid for his cremation cheapest I could find. She didn't think much of him she can be a cold-hearted person grew up with parents who were always having financial problems. I went through all his emails I since 2017 were still saved. Looking back at the fun stuff we talked about like videos of police chases, or strange news stories. Tresure hunting with metal detectors, and 4 wheeling exploring the desert. We live in the southwest deserts. He had fallen on hard times left his GF after 15 years rent is so high now he was living in his car with his dog. Looking back, I tried to advise him he didn't listen to most of what I said. He just gave up on life. I think if rent wasn't so high maybe he could have gotten back on his feet. He was in his late 60's and the world changed since he was on his own last. Can't just get a MIN wage job anymore and be enough to live somewhere cheap. He was on social security $1500 a month not enough plus health issues after a bad heart attack in 2019.
@ZFern9390 7 ай бұрын
❤
@savannahsmith8616 Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this. I lost my big brother 8/14/2022. We were Irish Twins barely 11 months apart. He was 27. We both lived in WA state. He worked for Comcast as a cable tech and was amazing at his job. He played guitar for several bands and just a few days before he took his own life his album released on KZfaq and Spotify. He was so funny and was my best friend. He was larger than life. I miss him every second of the day. I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain is incomparable.
@justicewarrior2570 Жыл бұрын
Sorry for your loss and i don't want to be rude but why did he commit suicide if he was happy and successful?
@alaukikdeepboparai8131 Жыл бұрын
@@justicewarrior2570 Money is important. However, it is not everything. Some people have clinical depression. However, those people may seem happy on the outside. Some people are just tired of life and/or find that it is quite pointless. I have also read that intelligent people are more likely to commit suicide. Sometimes you just do not know why they committed suicide.
@andrewn78 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. I'm a mental health therapist, focusing on trauma, and I appreciate your vulnerability and I agree, we need to talk about suicide and mental health in general. Sending love.
@shamusplyler4795 2 жыл бұрын
Nice to see u care about ur family. My family wouldn’t even claim my body
@richstwart2079 2 жыл бұрын
My father committed suicide with a rifle he bought for me for Christmas, I never knew he would use it on himself, I was only 13 at the time. I was the last person he saw when he did it. I opened the locked bathroom door and saw my dad in the bathtub bleeding profusely from his head. This is an image that I would never unseen. It fuk me up for a life time and effected me in my relationships. I've lived with this experience for all my life. I have no idea why I'm still here. Suppressed feelings I guess. I've struggled with addiction but no longer using. I'm surprised I haven't committed suicide myself....
@DoDo-bw1dj Жыл бұрын
@Rich Stwart I'm so sorry for your loss I will pray for you Please take care of yourself,you're important Jesus says to cast all your cares upon Him I encourage you to pray to God, ask Him for guidance and support,He's a loving God and will answer you Take care ❤️
@danab172 13 күн бұрын
I'm sooooo sorry. Have you tried EMDR therapy???????? There is a world of people and experiences waiting open arms for you.
@gohanson8846 2 жыл бұрын
Sorry to for your loss. I lost my cousin to suicide 5 months ago. She was only 13 years old. Her mom passed away from covid last year. Didn't expect my cousin to take her own life. 😢💔 there was no signs that she was depressed.
@wilfredopk3080 2 жыл бұрын
Nobody asked how she was?
@gohanson8846 2 жыл бұрын
@@wilfredopk3080 We all did but we didn't know it was bad. She didn't cry in front of anyone. She was always smiling and laughing. At least that's what we saw from her. Its hard to tell.
@bz3086 2 жыл бұрын
Gohan, Critical Race Theory is deadly
@andrewmoore5243 2 жыл бұрын
Sounds like she had issues
@CajunA79 Жыл бұрын
If my mom passes away , I'd do the same thing. Maybe she felt like she can't , or doesn't want to live without her Mom.
@thewestisthebest6608 7 ай бұрын
I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for months but everyone they come up I force myself to watch these videos to remind myself I can’t put my family and loves one’s through that kind of grief I won’t do it
@elrojo321 3 ай бұрын
Me too, nothing else has helped me, because I don't feel capable of living, but I love My family and I don't want to hurt them with this kind of pain
@DeshaunDamon 3 күн бұрын
If you have loved ones isn't it enough? If anyone loved I wouldn't be here.
@MakedaPhillips Жыл бұрын
I've just lost a sibling too. Thank you for sharing your story. I know there aren't any words.
@RyanLawless 2 жыл бұрын
Full disclosure, I couldn't watch the whole video due to my own relationship and experience with suicide. But that is not a reflection on your wife's story or the video itself, having everything to do with it being a difficult topic for me to engage with. I promise, I'll finish it in manageable parts to honor her brother's memory and willingness to share her heartbreak. Condolences and all the best to everyone involved. It took tremendous courage to share, but it's in the sharing that we can sometimes find meaning in something so painful.
@Priya-rf7ov Жыл бұрын
If anyone is reading this, please do not give up on life. Whatever your situation just remember this too shall pass.
@user-pi4ic9vl5k Жыл бұрын
it never will i wanna end it tonight
@April-lp7pp Жыл бұрын
My oldest brother did this. My mom called me 11 years ago when I was getting ready for work and told me to sit down, she went on to tell me that my brother was found in his car in the woods on his property with a single gun shot wound to the head. The police said his rosary was wrapped around his hand and there was a pile of cigarette butts outside the car door. I looked up to him, he was my role model growing up. My favorite brother honestly. It turned my whole world upside down. I learned to live with this, but I'm not the same. I'm so sorry for your loss, and the violence of it. And all the scenarios and what ifs and the images that play through your mind. If it taught me one thing it's that suicide is not an option because I know what it would do to my family, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy, let alone my family. I felt grief and denial and then anger for the longest time. I went to my mom's grave on Mother's Day this year to leave her flowers but she didn't have a vase yet so I left her flowers with my brother it was the first time I'd been to his grave since he died. It was just too disturbing to even visit his grave it took me 10 years to do it, but I'm glad I did. It it was the first time I felt some peace about it in all this time. The more family I have in that cemetery, I like to think they're together again.
@socialchlamydia8533 Жыл бұрын
Some of us with depression have masterfully perfected our fake smile skills and fake happiness but deep down their is a void that we just don’t let out or let anyone find out, it’s just the bully in our heads and someone just can’t take it no more.
@hortonharry3492 3 күн бұрын
I had two friends that killed themselves. One by drug overdose and the other threw himself in front of a truck. Additionally, I had a high school classmate who killed himself also. He was chronically depressed. Being mentally ill myself, I nearly killed myself years back in a crazy out of control psychotic episode. I'm happy to rebound from that episode. Luckily it was a crazed self injury episode and not a true planned suicide attempt. But the potential results were the same as a suicide. I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing under such trying circumstances. Your anguish and grief is understandable and thankfully your brother was loved. Loved by you that is, and that is important. Take care of yourself.
@MRWard-ei4gy 2 жыл бұрын
Oh Emily, I am so sorry. It takes a lot of courage to share your story and grief with the world but it is so important to have those tough conversations. I can tell from the way you spoke of him that he was a good man. As time goes on you will start remembering more of the good times with Zach more so than the way things unfolded even though it doesn’t seem like it now. Sometimes people need help dealing with grief and I hope you will seek it out if it becomes too much to bare. Much love to you and Josh.
@ChiTownRed 11 ай бұрын
My brother committed suicide 05/19/22... It has taken me over a year to finally seek out help but watching other people go through this is step 1
@the.seagull.35 10 ай бұрын
I'm really sorry for your loss... I know how hard it is to get help. 🤝 What is it you're dealing with?
@ChiTownRed 10 ай бұрын
@@the.seagull.35 not only do I deal with my own existing depression, it has gotten worse because of my brother taking his life. Even more than that, my 22 year old son is going through a breakup and I find myself getting angry when he says things like "I shouldn't be alive anymore"... It's almost as if I think he's doing it on purpose to really get my attention but when I tell him that maybe he needs therapy he's like nope, I'm out. Or if I tell him I can't take him talking so nonchalantly about suicide and leave the room he gets upset that I'm not supporting him in his pain.
@lisahead6868 Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry Emily. My little brother took his life in January also in his truck and with a gun. He was 42 and left four kids under 13.
@brandonrubio6840 Жыл бұрын
im very sorry for your loss
@PraveenSriram Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry about your loss also
@robertikemire4445 Жыл бұрын
Lisa sorry like yourself and Emily my brother also shot himself in the head 2001 he was 21 that talk we had the last time I seen him he told me but in riddles and never had mentioned suicide to anyone beat0 myself up over this for years but I tell my stories to people it helps can't do it without hitting like Emily 22 years later I've healed everything in my life I'm very happy this is the one thing haven't gotten rid of just don't tell people because like Emily I call it healing anytime your changing the course or thoughts on people's mind in would never want to feel all alone with none be a bad feeling it anyway I just always feel like he's somewhere around I'm an Empath some people don't really understand this but my senses are very in tune and usually right so around 3am few nights ago I get up and he's on my mind pretty emotional one so i said God- n - Angels I've done alot of work I'm great with life you know this thanks but I'm still being haunted with this one I gotta get on down the road I don't want to forget him just stop beating myself up for certain things he'd told me and the pain he went through before he pulled that trigger so think it's time lets get on this one now angels get me a sign maybe today , ok Wes time to go on now I'm good it's ok go on be there one day love ya Wes now go on! I grabbed a Pepsi I listen to Ajeet kaur she's got the voice of an angel so I get headphones on go on utube here's Emily I never knew this stuff was in here until then I see what it says about a brother I like wow I just prayed for this and asked for a sign so see what it's all about Lisa if this doesn't kinds tell me he's in heaven now nothing will like Emily's brother Zach my brother Wesley was a great kid just got outta SIU art school wanted to teach art was a vegetarian hated violence guns all that he gave me a ride from our moms in Washington Illinois 30 miles away from Chillicothe my hometown on the way he asked me about heaven if I ever wondered what it was like on the other side or do we just float around out among the stars ? I said no I'm just seeing when the time comes why? you're not thinking about anything bad are you Wes? no I'm good , are you sure a second time fine just curious I'm an artist too i started him out young our imagination can go places mystical so since he's never talked about suicide inlet it go he loved ozzy so he played a CD with ma ma I'm comin home and it got done I'm back home said later bro that was the last time I seen him alive few months later my sister's birthday we was hanging out little late around midnight I got feeling nervous then anxiety was no stranger to me but this was like panic attacks and why nothing going on so I lay down no sleep n nails chewed to the bone couldn't get in my pockets I missed Monday - Wednesday at work I couldn't for the life of me figure it out just Thurs I made myself go in and 11am girl from the office comes out said Robbie line one, I said who is it? it's your sister Gina knew right then what i was feeling I didn't know that no one over there had heard from him or seen him awhile anyway I picked up the phone and said he's dead ain't he? yes ! it was bad wasn't it ? yes mom decided to run out to this old small country house he rented to see if he was sick or something she found him in his truck dead put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger gun still in his hand frozen solid got real cold for March that week corners office couldn't do more than guess a date said around the 4th was a Sunday the same night that shit hit me that's the Empath stuff there I had to clean out the house and take his truck to moms I found a application for a FOID card partially filled out dated close to the time he asked me that stuff in the truck so that was him telling me what really was going on i started the truck stereo was blasting of course Ozzy's ma ma I'm coming home so it's haunting then Emily telling her story missing a Sunday found in a truck dead shot himself from Washington wes was in Washington the funeral home seeing him smell didn't look like him and her poor heart I know exactly how she feels I mean this is the first thing i got after the prayer I'm thinking Wes must ran across Zach up there this confirmed it then you great people on here comments I've talked to survivors and suicidal people which I've done for long time what's an hour of my time for a lifetime for them ya know I haven't yet wrote to Emily I will she should know this and i want to thank her for being an angel God bless her the.mumbling is authentic it even speaks loud we all can make a difference I know I can I have I got a saying that no matter how bad it is you can always take something good out of there and for his death it's helping others .
@lisahead6868 Жыл бұрын
@@robertikemire4445 Robert, so sorry for your loss and thank you for letting me know it gets better. My brother had a long story and had been separated from his parents and me for so so long. He had reached out recently and according to his work friends he was going to go see his mom that next week after he took his life so it must have been a spur of the moment decision. We all think his wife pushed him with her lies and cheating. He talks to me in my dreams so I'm not getting much sleep.
@robertikemire4445 Жыл бұрын
@@lisahead6868 Lisa they are called visitation dreams different than regular dreams their more real. Regular dreams you know you wake up and forget an hour later. These dreams come to you in you never forget . Wes I always felt around and I woke up that night I'd about healed everything in my life but this one haunted me some things happened in there but he was my mind and I just kinda said ok god you know I've worked hard done good but this one is still haunting me I need to get on past it then said Angels get me a sign something I need to move on past this now let see if we can get something going today the to him said Wes it's time to go on bud I'm fine now don't stick around go on ahead I'll be there one day go on ! And this was like 3:30 am I got a Pepsi and put earphones on was going to play an Ajeet song I had no clue this stuff was even in here I didn't think you could talk about this anywhere Ajeet is music all I do usually so click on utube there's Ajeet and this video next then more music ok after I just talked to God angels andy brother I see this randomly so click and couldn't believe it a sign I asked for lets see both Washingtons, guns , trucks ,missing on a Sunday, the police , her mom . My mom found him but it was all the details matched hers I feel like this was a confirmation to my heart to the T. I'm an Empath I feel her and she's helping people I offer time to anyone they're never alone but they don't post half the time I try . Again sorry Lisa
@nadinekr010 Жыл бұрын
I also lost my mom to suicide 3 years ago. I'm almost 27 now and it still hurts so much. Thanks for sharing your story ❤️🙏🏼
@nelsonsibiya9204 Жыл бұрын
Condolences, I hope you are healing.
@r0ll3dd Жыл бұрын
Does it become easier in time?
@nadinekr010 Жыл бұрын
@@r0ll3dd It definitely got different over the years but the feeling of grief comes and goes all the time. There are days where I feel that the world is just too heavy and I still ask myself why this had to happen but on the other hand I'm extremely grateful for having such an amazing mom in my life and I'm enjoying every moment knowing she is always with me.
@jackredmond5349 2 жыл бұрын
I actually was Depressed and suicidal back in 2018 and didn’t end up going through with it cause I learned I wasn’t actually a burden to my loved ones. I realized my friends and family all loved me. I’m currently going through depression right now after learning bad news in February but I’m getting through it.
@da80 2 жыл бұрын
So sorry for your loss. It's devastating. Also lost my brother the same way in 2004. The hardest ordeal I had in my life. It will never heal, even after all these years. Hard t say this, but only time helps.
@dn1697 2 жыл бұрын
.... unfortunately some of us out here aren't that emotionally robust ... I've tried asking professionals how emotions and the brain work ... and they are utterly clueless ... simply because emotions are linked to consciousness and they still haven't resolved how consciousness works ...
@danielmeunier9622 2 жыл бұрын
My heart is with you as I experienced this in my own family with a sibling. This was 13 years ago. I was so shocked. I became depressed and lost a lot of weight. Thank God for my counseling which helped me. Life has filled in around me in the years since. But mine is a grief that never totally leaves me.
@dn1697 2 жыл бұрын
... ... I've been navigating the grief response for 20 years ... after my mother died from 12 years of epilepsy ... it's a brutal response process to comprehend ... in fact, I;ve come to the conclusion the medical profession poorly understand the brain or how emotions work ... I got to year five and the experience got worse ... therapy is limited ... I lost a school friend to brain cancer and another guy to suicide I met at school ... life is suffering ... that is unavoidable ... the problem is you have no map to adjust from such loss ... feeling guilty is a profound element of it ... but it's not your fault ...
@zacharymason6395 Жыл бұрын
My name I's Zach. I'm so sorry to hear about ur brother. It's touching to hear u and the sad story of ur brother. It's 5:10 in the morning and I'm going through depression and anxiety so this hits me knowing his name was Zach and iv thought about ending my life too
@XDhorsecrazyXD Күн бұрын
How are you doing after a year?
@davidguarin358 Жыл бұрын
Hearing your story about your brother brought my to tears 😢I did try to commute suicide 2 times and I felt in the intention and in the most horrendous way, after that I came to conclusion that God was having another plans for me I was on my early twenties when I did that. I’m 51 now and I’m ok , Tks god I have my days and I’m a lone wolf 🐺 but somehow I’m doing great. My heart goes to you and your mom and rest of the family.. the energy of your brother will follow u for the rest of ur life
@simob7862 Жыл бұрын
I lost my wife to Onset dementia, and it completely changed everything for then and while it was extremely traumatic I went back to university and did a diploma community service and diploma of counselling I now help people and youth I am in the process of writing and organise workshops for mens groups for mental Health and wellness
@Mary-tj5qx 10 күн бұрын
I'm so, so sorry. I lost my sister a few years ago and it was devastating. Still is. It changed me on a cellular level. The pain of sibling loss is hugely underestimated. Please know that you are not alone. There are many of us out here who understand what you are going through. The isolation can feel so real and so painful, but i promise you are not alone. Many of us know your pain. Time heals and helps us transform this pain but you'll find that yourself. Until then, know that we're in this together.
@johnmcglynn7311 10 күн бұрын
So sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum January 2021. She was my best friend. She had cancer, but Covid and isolation was the catalyst. 😢
@shannonsolo3812 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. I unexpectedly lost my 25 year old sister about 6 months ago. She was so deeply loved and I often catch myself wishing I could go back and do something differently. I struggle to find a balance between sharing her story, and keeping it safe, wrapped up against my heart. I find comfort in your words and knowing I am not alone in my grief journey. You help so many people through a variety of experiences by your sharing your family's story. One day at a time.. Sending love 💕
@Jonathan-br2th 2 жыл бұрын
You have no idea how much hearing your story is helping me today. Thank you so so much for sharing this. Wishing you and Josh all the love and healing in the world.
@politicalpanda9679 2 жыл бұрын
My uncle overdosed....we were all there... Christmas morning at my grandparents we woke up bright and early to my grandmother screaming. Suicide fucks up the whole family. It gets better. It takes time....but it gets better.
@dn1697 2 жыл бұрын
.... unfortunately some of us out here aren't that emotionally robust ... I've tried asking professionals how emotions and the brain work ... and they are utterly clueless ... simply because emotions are linked to consciousness and they still haven't resolved how consciousness works ...
@ElizabethGarcia-jy7mn 2 жыл бұрын
Hi, I am sorry for your lost. I lost my brother in Dec 31 2020. It has changed my life. When you said, him all alone in pain. That's what I felt , when I lost my brother. Depression is real. Take care , and what had helped me I'd staying busy.
@iwantyourcookiesnow 2 жыл бұрын
I try to remember that I have value if “the meat is still alive”. A dark humor way of surviving suicidal ideation s. I have two sisters and a kid also. I don’t want them all upset with a sad empty feeling. Thanks for the video Emily.
@RoshannasRhetoric Жыл бұрын
Emily thank you for sharing. I suffer with suicidal thoughts and have attempted taking my life twice. I would like to applaud you for your bravery. I know that your brother was a great man. It’s usually the phenomenal human beings that suffer the most in silence. Without the support of my husband, I know for a fact that I may not be here right now. I woke up this morning with thoughts of ending my life. I searched for something, ANYTHING to help with the racing thoughts. You have been my voice of reason today. Your brother is beyond proud of you. 🥰Please know that your strength is not in vain; for today, it saved ME. 🌹 Thank you Emily 🙇🏾♀️🙇🏾♀️🙇🏾♀️.
@ennvee1989 Жыл бұрын
Dear Shanna. Sister, you may not believe it at this time but trust me, YOUR voice is NEEDED in the world. You matter so much, you have no idea. Don't hesitate to get the help you need to stay alive. From one black woman to another...it will get better, I promise. xo
@crypter27 6 ай бұрын
This video saved me! And other testimonies! It made me realize! That I wouldn't just be taking my final journey out of a painful life. I realized that I would cause a wave of pain in my family. That I didn't want to leave behind!
@monikapinkowicz-dedolli4945 Жыл бұрын
My brother in low took his own life 24/11/22 leaving 😢my sister and my beautiful nephew and all of us in so much unbearable pain 😢
@Laska_00 2 жыл бұрын
Heartbroken hearing your brother’s story.. Sending you and your family lots of love ❤️
@PraveenSriram Жыл бұрын
It is heartbreaking 💔 to hear about what happened to him. May be Rest In Peace ☮️.
@andrewsteiner2500 2 жыл бұрын
Heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your loss.
@melaniegodwin8791 Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother took his life in 2015. We were very close and I miss him everyday. May peace be with you .
@brandonrubio6840 Жыл бұрын
im sorry for your loss
@melaniegodwin8791 Жыл бұрын
@@brandonrubio6840 thank you
@PraveenSriram Жыл бұрын
I will keep you in my thoughts 💭 and prayers
@melaniegodwin8791 Жыл бұрын
@@PraveenSriram as I will you.
@PraveenSriram Жыл бұрын
@@melaniegodwin8791 thank you so much
@sasca8398 Жыл бұрын
My son died by suicide on October 20, 2020. He was 13. My daughter, Emily, was 10 when it happened. The pain I see you going through I know very well, it is still there...every day. It is not only pain, it is as if a part of me died that day. I am very sorry for your loss! I wondered what my daughter feels, she does not share her feelings with me. I kind of hoped the pain would be less for her ... wishful thinking I guess.
@Sundazs Жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain. May God comfort you and your family.
@AL-sg2jd Жыл бұрын
May allah bless you and your family.
@RosieSpecial Жыл бұрын
😔🙏🏻
@carolr7962 Жыл бұрын
It's an incredibly hard thing to live with the loss of friends/family that have killed themselves. Blessings to all who are suffering
@I.love_quiet Жыл бұрын
My big brother (15 almost 16 by a few days) committed suicide, I also have a older sister. He took his own life when I was ten. In 2020 aswell. I am struggling too. It was 5:36 am when I heard crying. My brothers girlfriend came into me and my moms room and she told me my brother had.. shot himself in the head. I ran into the living room next to our back yard. I looked through the big windows, and saw his body on the ground. I’m now 13, it’s been 3 years (on the 18th of March) today is the 10th. I saw him on the ground while my mom screamed. It was such a difficult time and it’s still hard. The hardest part is forgetting how they feel, how they smell, how they sound, how they act, how they look. It’s so hard to remember. I love my brother. I wish he was here to see how I’ve grown. I love you Jake.
@smalltownboi86 Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I understand what you're going through as I just lost my barely 34 year old beautiful brother on Oct 6th to suicide. Some of my family are very much about not talking about it or disclosing information, but I can't just pretend like we lost him due to normal circumstances. I was blindsided, and was so close to him, but had a falling out a month before and had just blocked him on social media and his phone number the day before... Not because he was contacting me, but because I was so upset with how he treated me, not realizing what he was going through. I really feel the need to talk and share about it, and you're giving me some of the inspiration I need to make that a reality and take that first step, so thank you... Thank you so much. And my heart is truly breaking for you and your family ♥️💔
@zhmma Жыл бұрын
Lost my sister on Oct 4th to suicide. Some of my family also feels like they don't wanna talk about it. At first I was blaming them for it but now I understand that this is just their way of handling the pain. I also had a fallout with my sister and didn't know it was that bad.. I'm sorry for your loss, may they rest in peace.
@smalltownboi86 Жыл бұрын
@@zhmma I'm so sorry for your loss and struggle, like my own, between being honest and processing the way you know how and having that demonized and/or ridiculed. It guts me to say this, but dealing with this same manipulative dichotomy even after losing a brother to suicide who always knew that speaking the truth would bring nothing but problems by the family is likely the unfortunate end to me trying to respect their need to live by lies. I'm not allowed to confidentially speak to my immediate family about things, but if I speak to anyone else then I'm a bad person who is the problem in the family. I'm getting off the ride. 3 1/2 decades of it and getting no where is a waste of one's life. I hope whatever path you choose brings you peace and the ability to heal. and may your sister rest in peace.
@PraveenSriram Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry 😢 for your loss Emily. My dads sister took her own life in 1988 at age 34. May she and your brother Rest In Peace ☮️
@WakeyUpU 11 ай бұрын
Your brother sounds like a wonderful guy. I’m so sorry. In a few days it will be a year since my friend did the same thing. It’s still hard to comprehend and it’s hard trying to figure out why.
@Dark0blivion 2 жыл бұрын
I had two aunts who committed suicide within a year of each other, approximately two years before I was born (in '79). Looking back, it definitely left a mark on my whole family. Back then it seemed to be something that was never spoken of; like it was a mark of shame to have a family member who killed themselves, especially in a very Catholic family. I didn't even find out that the two aunts even existed until I was 10 or 11, when I saw an old family photo and asked who some people were that I didn't recognize. The room immediately became quiet and I was told they were siblings of my father who were "no longer with us", and then the topic was quickly changed. It took two years after that before I finally figured out what happened.
@meesamagill1193 2 жыл бұрын
I know 'committed suicide' is widely in use but 'died by suicide' is a kinder way to explain because the word commit implies it was a criminal act
@CCTrubiak 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you - for sharing this tremendous experience with us. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother to suicide. As both a counsellor & someone who’s survived my own battle with anxiety, depression & suicide - I’m inspired by your strength, courage & your vulnerability. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in this world, leaving behind so many devastated - I pray for your healing , understanding & support. Sharing this story is a healthy step in your grief process & I applaud you . ❤️
@dn1697 2 жыл бұрын
.... unfortunately some of us out here aren't that emotionally robust ... I've tried asking professionals how emotions and the brain work ... and they are utterly clueless ... simply because emotions are linked to consciousness and they still haven't resolved how consciousness works ...
@robertikemire4445 Жыл бұрын
I have been doing this story for a long time I've healed a lot of things in my life I've got endless stories I don't know if you believe in Empowered Empath with abilities, but I am very much one INFP I have a coach just to read about
@JDS00000 Жыл бұрын
So, so sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds like a great person. 🙏
@emanuelflores1278 2 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry for your lost, Emily. It's important to talk about mental health issues, depression is a silent problem, that needs psychological help and medical treatment. There are ways to go forward in life, happily. All the love to you.
@gazelle3635 2 жыл бұрын
Emily, I'm so sorry. I know this is a loss you'll never completely get over. Ive experienced a loss like this too. I still grieve 6 years later. But we just continue on because what else can we do. You are so lucky to have an amazing support in Josh. You are not alone. Take it a day at a time. Some days will be better than others as you know. Thank you for sharing your story.
@edlee9432 2 жыл бұрын
That was one of the bravest things I’ve seen on KZfaq. Thank you for sharing such a painful experience in the hopes of bringing light to mental illness and suicide. It touches everyone. You honor your brother well.
@joshualastine7666 2 жыл бұрын
Sending you all the love and strength and energy in the world
@josephgittany3274 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry for your loss Emily. Praying you receive all the healing, love and support ! Good on you for being so brave and sharing your story with us.
@Idrone13 11 ай бұрын
Today is the anniversary of my oldest brother’s untimely death. You brought me to tears. I completely understand.
@dawidn5635 2 жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry for you. Thank you for sharing this.
@BrandonCabjuan 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry for your loss, Emily. I’m glad we were able to create a space for you to share your story. I can’t relate to this entirely, but I lost my Dad 5 years ago to heart disease, and for the longest time I always kept returning to the very last memory of how he was in that hospital bed. After sometime the memory of him in the hospital bed started to get replaced of how wonderful of a man my Dad was. Soon, I know that will happen to you, the memories of the kind of person your brother was will overcome the memory that causes your anxiety. It will take time, but as you’ve mentioned just take it step by step at a time. Sending over a big virtual hug!
@danielsereader4710 2 жыл бұрын
I think this video definitely honors your brother and will help others
@michaelmcguinness1462 2 жыл бұрын
Hey Emily. I’m sorry to hear what happened to Zach but I’m glad to hear about Zach. By talking about him, wanting to make a difference and help others - you are honouring him already, and that’s super cool. Thank you for sharing.
@kiyo6262 2 жыл бұрын
So sorry for your loss. All the best to you and your family.
@Bensaur 2 жыл бұрын
thank you, emily. i'm so sorry for your loss.
@sarasofia793 2 жыл бұрын
This breaks my heart.. I’m so so sorry for your loss Emily!
@OnePulse4175 2 жыл бұрын
I am so sorry for your loss Emily. This is truly heartbreaking. Just hearing this has made me upset/sad to know that he was suffering and in pain. I think that when somebody is depressed and gravitates towards wanting to commit suicide or having thoughts of such a thing they just want to end their suffering and also want to end the pain and suffering of people they know and their loved ones as well. People who go through this have very noble intentions but may end up feeling like they are a burden not just to their family but to society. As you said Emily, they don't realise that their grief will just pass on to those around them.
@eson1 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing - so sorry for your loss ;(
@monkeyboybaker_uk 2 жыл бұрын
I am so sorry to hear of your profound loss. It’s clear that you love him very much and I hope that talking about him will help to bring you comfort and to remember all of the wonderful things that he was. It was an honour to hear your story and I’m glad that you and Josh have each other’s love and support.x
@adamlobrano3575 2 жыл бұрын
I am so sorry for your loss. You are so brave. Thank you for sharing . Prayers for comfort and peace.
@DimaManuel 2 жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you both loads of hugs. ♥️
@5470dan 2 жыл бұрын
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you find healing and comfort in sharing your story with us. 🙏
@AmitKumar-xe1dm 2 жыл бұрын
Happened to me with my best and only friend in college around 10 years ago. Ever since I get these waves of sadness and guilt which brings me down for days alone in my room. I wish I could share your pain Emily and give you a hug. I will pray that you and your family can bare this pain. And yes this doesn't define your brother, you guys define him.
@simonthomas1672 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing this. Talking about it and removing the stigma is such an important thing to do - and so emotionally generous of you.
@DLMDarklightmusic 2 жыл бұрын
My heart goes out to you, sending so much healing thoughts your way
@druchampion-payne1489 Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry for your loss ... one week ago I lost my dear brother to suicide he also shot himself and me and my other brother are still in shock and devastated ... one thing you said helped me that this final act does not define my brother. Not sure how I'm supposed to get through this, because this grief is unlike anything I've ever dealt with before. When I had to make phone calls to tell people I felt like I was talking about someone else's family guess I'm still in shock. I miss him so much especially our daily texts joking around back & forth he was so funny and loving ... R.I.P. Dale I love you 💟
@VelvetVoyant Жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your journey has gotten a little smoother, and that you're doing okay.
@StephenFasseroMusic Жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry for your loss, this video is making a difference and Zach won't be forgotten.
@alejandra4843 Жыл бұрын
I am so sorry 😞 you are so strong to be able to talk about it ❤
@MWorsa Жыл бұрын
I can bear any burden other than the inability to support myself financially 😓
@hanso1993 2 жыл бұрын
Sending you and your family a lot of light that fills you life and gives you strength
@07tylerlee 2 жыл бұрын
So sorry for your loss. When you get to the stage of acceptance, just remember despite the time your brother's life lasted, he mattered. Try to focus on the impact he made on people's lives. Even though you are clearly in mourning, you are still trying to put out positive messages. Really appreciate that and your courage to share.
@alvarotango767 2 жыл бұрын
it’s really strong from your part doing this video, I am so sorry for your loss but at the same time so proud that you’re taking it so bravely. I think your brother still lives through you and your loved ones, and how you portray him to the rest and cherish his memory. Sending loads of love to you both
@ashleybarrett3458 2 жыл бұрын
Crying with you, Emily! Thank you so much for sharing x
@noooname 2 жыл бұрын
You are so incredibly strong Emily for sharing Zach’s and your story. I hope you can find that space to heal and navigate through the grief and pain. Thank you for the reminder to cherish every moment I have with the ones I love.
@LostInThisGardenofLife 6 ай бұрын
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m always coming to these stories to remind myself to hold on another day. Thank you. 🙏
@cyootiecat5006 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of Zach but I'm glad to have the opportunity to know who he was.
@WebDesignerAmy 2 жыл бұрын
Emily, thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss.
@kieranjames514 Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry for your lost. Was so hard watching the pain you’re in 😔
@Susan-xg7qn 2 жыл бұрын
I am so sorry for your loss of your brother Emily. This is so heartbreaking. Thank you Josh for giving your beautiful wife the platform to speak about this. This is truly appreciated so much. God bless you guys !
@haben9464 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. It really does help ppl to hear from family survivors.
@christoffer913 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story, Emily. I am so sorry for your loss. You are so brave for opening up about this. Sending lots of love, and I hope you and Josh have a good time on Iceland.
@prik4727 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this story. I am a mother to a 3 yo and I have been feeling very suicidal lately. But I would never want to cause my son the pain that you have felt so this video really snapped me out of my thoughts.
@laurencejessamy5367 2 жыл бұрын
Ohh God this cut so deep! Words can never express the pain, thank you !
@chakibb3766 Жыл бұрын
I had a colleague, a neighbor and a friend for 16 years who committed suicide in August 2020. At the beginning, I experience a feeling of guilt for not having done, perhaps, something, at some point, or may be, to have done something, said something that I should not have. Afterwards, there is the Time, which becomes an accomplice to forgetting and also to eliminating guilt. Certainly, I have become more religious, which helps me to realize that the wisdom of patience as well as the faith of hope are too often the keys and the best comforts in our journey and our hike in this low world. Of course, we are not perfect, but that is no reason to live and die in guilt. Hats off to what you do, to try to help other victims of this disease because it takes a lot of courage and altruism.
@ravinloon20 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being brave and telling us your story. Sending hugs from 🇬🇧. Sorry for your loss. 💔 x
@misspeacelove7395 2 жыл бұрын
I´m so sorry for your loss I can´t imagine the pain you and your family must be going through. Thank you for sharing, I hope it can help someone, even if it´s just one person it has done everything.
@jm7720 2 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry for your loss. Amazing courage to share your brothers story. We often don't hear from the family members of those who have lost someone to suicide. Thank you for sharing.
@littlelighthouse89 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry for your lost, Emily. Thank you for sharing this. It is very important to talk about mental health. You and Josh are very brave and beautiful humans.