3 Signs of Covert Coercion in Relationships| How Narcissists Change You

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3 Signs of Covert Coercion in Relationships| How Narcissists Change You

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3 Signs of Covert Coercion in Relationships| How Narcissists Change You

Пікірлер: 88

@kimdavis9064 2 жыл бұрын

I was not myself for 20 years. I Did things because we had children and most of the time I did them alone with the children. I felt like that was more important to not have chaos in our lives. Most of the time he was working.

@peterknyk1942 2 жыл бұрын

Narcissism feels like "autocratic power in one hand and submissive slavery in the other"... this is covert and overt abuse....yes, it is life changing.... I stopped laughing and I stopped singing! I cried a lot more! 😔

@jnooyen9076 2 жыл бұрын

Precisely, Peter. Being robbed.

@TheBestOfLisaRenee 2 жыл бұрын

Me too! I wake up crying. I use to wake up with a song on my lips praising GOD. Then I met the last narcissist. I’ve been free of him for 6 years now. Now I awake to the reality that my entire family participated in narcissistic abuse, so this is my reality now. I have no family, and the church is loaded with narcissists as well. It’s harsh. It’s lonely. It’s painful. Their manipulation never stops.

@peterknyk1942 2 жыл бұрын

@@TheBestOfLisaRenee thank you Renee! It’s been four years and I still cry myself to sleep most nights and I wake up in the morning with tears all over my face! I don’t know when this will end! Now I wake up not knowing… I don’t what’s coming or what I might run into that I was never afraid of before and now I am fearful of so many things…. I’m so glad that you have the power of your personal strength to go on and that guides you and helps you! May you be blessed! 🙏🏻🕊 I have also found that nearly everyone in my religious community is a narcissist so I have nowhere to go there!

@TheBestOfLisaRenee 2 жыл бұрын

@@peterknyk1942 - I’m depend on my relationship with The Lord. That’s the only way I’m able to keep pressing forward. I’ll be praying for you, Peter. 🦚. I know you’ve come a long way. These things takes time. It’s a journey. What we’re dealing with is evil.

@peterknyk1942 2 жыл бұрын

@@TheBestOfLisaRenee thank you Renee! Tonight before I go to sleep I will pray and read the 23rd psalm for you! 💕🙏🏻

@m.j.2939 2 жыл бұрын

Wow you described my mother and my husband even though they both abuse me differently in these ways. I couldn't believe it the day I realized I had actually married both my parents personality in one man😩. I always thought my parents were the best and they still are awesome compared to the majority but just those small things that make such a huge impact on you and you spend your life wondering what's wrong with you. It's not like I wasn't encouraged but I was basically ignored by my father who was a workaholic was emotionally and physically unavaliable and still is even though you know they love you. I now realize it's also to get away from mum bless her. My mother wanted some perfect child not me and always shuts me down when I am happy which I can't stand so I shut down around her and she's happy. I don't want to be at family gatherings anymore because it's become increasingly worse.

@rickwallace1243 2 жыл бұрын

Distance yourself if you can't go no contact. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

@anna_ulrike 2 жыл бұрын

I stopped going for my dream 20 years ago... I literally forgot what I wanted to do in life ..thank you for sharing ❤

@weediestbroom 2 жыл бұрын

I changed so much as a result of being involved with a borderline that I don't even know who I am anymore. I gave up and have now lost all interest in my hobbies that I had for 20+ years. I have lost all passion for everything. I don't draw anymore, I don't paint, I don't play any musical instruments. I used to do all of things and love them, but now I don't find a single bit of joy in any of them, so I stopped trying.

@tomsmith1016 2 жыл бұрын

Your dogs are so CUTE! I actually love it when they play loudly. Your eyes shift left, this adds to the "cute humor".

@Kathleensophiacitrine888 2 жыл бұрын

Incredible video, Michele, thank you. The chipping away, gaslighting, invalidation...losing identity/or never knowing it.... made to feel bad... rejection/abandonment wound...and subsequent toxic shame from being made to feel bad/(scapegoat in my case ) create such a torrent of pain and suffering. I am so happy to say that with diligent practice/using the tools, never giving up, and support from people like you, shedding this and becoming whole again and coming to learn the REAL YOU is possible. I am well on my way!!! I appreciate you so much and all of the work you do to shine light on this and help us to shine our lights once again, too! From surviving to thriving indeed!

@anxen 2 жыл бұрын

The passive aggressive retaliation which can include poisoning you and your pets.

@alindezane7894 2 жыл бұрын

absolutely, almost everything!.....what I wear, how I conduct myself around men and in general, in our community, work, especially my friends and gaslighting me about being worse cognitively than I am so I would turn over any decision on my behalf to him.....

@a.d.b535 Жыл бұрын

Well explained. Starting to lose myself and don't want to lose desire for that which brings me joy. I wish my partner would /could change, but that's dreaming. I love him but the more I hear about Narcs and read the stories, I'm mortified about the hard truth.

@lauriefavreau6959 9 ай бұрын

Anger/Rage. I deal with all that goes with it. I am doing something with my husband of 45 years. I journal through-out the day. So I don't trigger him. Your guidance truly is helping me to be strong and know I am enough, I Am Loving. If he doesn't behave himself. He knows I will ask him to respect me. Bounderies.

@JS-uk4mn 2 жыл бұрын

My fear in my family of origin was being made fun of. My fear in my marriage was wasting time and energy on something that could fail.

@alindezane7894 2 жыл бұрын

I am so glad you made this video! For those who have a great denial mechanism.................................there is no way of hiding if these behaviors are occurring! It is wonderful that you have started to include response to letter videos.. it makes it more real than academic. Also you are appreciated for including these references to those of us who need help. You are loved and appreciated

@fairygurl9269 2 жыл бұрын

💞Every Baby Step is Amazing Progress from where you were Heading 💞

@GaveMeGrace1 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you-I just bought my first electric guitar in 25 years (only months of resistance), and it feels so good. Knowing this truth helps keep on, even if I’m still curtailed in volume of practice (amount per session not just loud vs quiet); my son is loving it!

@mauibubbs8654 2 жыл бұрын

I will be forever so VERY grateful for the way you authentically share your experience, wisdom, and SOUL with us Michelle

@cindy7733 2 жыл бұрын

Yep! That's exactly what I'm always afraid of....the aftermath of the anger that ensues...the rage, the belittling, the shaming. Hearing it does horrible things to my body. Another fear is the fear of getting ill. I have celiac disease and there is no respect for cross-contact. Basically if you live with someone who has CD you must not share dish sponges or pots and pans etc...you can't even share a microwave with people who eat gluten because the person with CD can get sick. Well, my narc family belittles me and puts me down and disregards CD and says that I am exagerrating my illnesss. It is horrible. I can't even cook w/o feeling unsafe and then they mock me when they see how upset or scared I get when they are devouring pizza in front of me and offer me a slice as a joke. It is a horrible way to live. Sorry for the vent session

@r3framework 2 жыл бұрын

Letting them down and disappointing them - I paused and wrote that but yes it's about the stern authority voice in your head saying you have to do this or else you'll make them upset. Mine was a childhood overt who turned covert by the time I was early 30's so it was that feeling of not wanting to trigger the dragon

@jasonrichard7560 2 жыл бұрын

I'm in an environment, small town.... In this environment certain people have so more money/social influence,and a large platform to take advantage of the community. When I moved here I saw this an spoke out about it and soon was their scapegoat.

@silverlinings3946 2 жыл бұрын

And yet you are right and they are wrong. Don't give up, people like you are needed more than ever.

@kuntogdi3580 2 жыл бұрын

This is soo accurate, omg! Thank you Michelle 👍🏽

@MaestroMaxim 2 жыл бұрын

Your uploads are my Starbucks …

@Cowface Жыл бұрын

I felt compelled to do things or not do things out of fear of the silent treatment, or some guilt trip about it.

@tw2210 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Michele for all your videos. Best wishes from the UK

@wendy8561 2 жыл бұрын

I have not been myself in literally years I went through some of your other videos down below in the description box they look wonderful I I pray that I can get one of those courses I am desperate I have uncontrollable shaking to where people notice when I'm out and about it is so embarrassing I'm still living with him unfortunately I just got out of the hospital had to have three blood transfusions they still don't know where the blood loss is coming from just please pray for me I'm going through so much even when I was sick it's the worst thank you God bless you all 💜🙏

@johnpaul2285 2 жыл бұрын

🙏🕊

@m.j.2939 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear this. 25 years with my abuser and I am always getting sick with something because stress does that to your body. I keep getting odd things yet my bloods are good. I see a natural practitioner which pretty much saved me as my immune system wasn't good from having glandular fever when younger. Then when I thought I couldn't go on anymore I found Jesus. The thing we need the most is Our Father in heaven having our back! We have to have spiritual support in this life regardless of what we are going through. Now I have the comforter I am able to cope. I have someone to talk to that always listens and helps me understand the big picture. I was so glad to find so many of these videos on narcissism a few years ago helping so many of us to navigate and understand what we are all going through. It is a pressing issue in these times. All the best and understand that the narcissist has a demon which is what we are dealing with. Demons are also generational which is obvious when you see them come down the family line and they hook on. Only Jesus can free them and they have have to want to be free BUT we know what their choices are 😉. That's not on us though it's theirs to make and there are plenty of those that fake it too. Once you know a narcissist you can pick them and save the pain. Plenty of narcissists running religious cults of all kinds of religions for control and those that follow pretending to be holy. That's why I free range and stick to Jesus teachings.

@izawaniek2568 2 жыл бұрын

Everything you said is so very real and true. Knowledge is power. We must notice we are being abused before we can start fixing that hole in our hearts. Narcisists are cowards at their core, we must say no, tell the truth and watch their facades crumble!

@wendy8561 2 жыл бұрын

You've opened my eyes to a whole new level sorry for all the messages

@wendy8561 2 жыл бұрын

@James Campbell-Gray yes thank you so much this whole message was incredible information for me God bless you

@lauriefavreau6959 9 ай бұрын

Passive aggressive, One word "Respect"

@SuperKlur22 11 ай бұрын

Currently binge-watching your videos, many thanks for your counsel, Michele 💜 Just wanted to say I'm also loving your super cute poochie in the background ☺️🐶

@Jme_CA213 Жыл бұрын

It's literally taken me more than a decade to see that every thing I did, said, or pretty much everything about me was constantly under a microscope (and still is). What the N/husband said to me wasn't said in an obvious, cruel sounding manner.....they were more like simple, casual comments made about me, but they were made CONSTANTLY for years.....and I finally realize the comments were always about things that I got positive attention from, from other people. Now I realize all of these aspects (both physical and personality wise) were traits the N essentially wanted to destroy, and do away with. It makes sense to me now, why for years I've said to myself: I lost who I was, I don't even know who I am.

@Cowface 8 ай бұрын

For me the number one thing I was afraid of was the silent treatment

@dianeclayton4936 2 жыл бұрын

Fear of his disapproval and dismissal. Loss of love.

@laurag5648 2 жыл бұрын

just want to thank you, back in 2018 when I found your channell I was really in the deep end of just waking up to my reality, your channell and video really helped, I watched so so many videos to help me to understand. I no longer feel like I want to be subscribed as I no longer want to learn anything more about narcissism, I'm focused on myself now, fully, my goals, healing & future. So just want to thank you & acknowledge why I'm unsubscribing & wishing everyone the best on their journey, thank you 🙏💜🌸

@joanieks3945 2 жыл бұрын

So true Michelle. Fear of their reaction especially anger… 30 years of walking on eggshells. The silent treatment, passive aggressive behaviour. Door slamming, cupboard and drawer slamming.. Thank you for this great video xx

@christine9467 2 жыл бұрын

Mine likes to punch the table or counter. 😢

@davidhinkson8856 2 жыл бұрын

When I started dating my wife who turned out to be a narcissist, she told me if I wanted to be with her there were certain aspects of my lifestyle I had to give up as she was a Christian and allegedly a virgin. I did it because she seemed genuinely interested in me and I feared abandonment, losing a potentially good thing. The next 15 years were disastrous from an emotional and psychological point of view.

@pinintjefarina1121 2 жыл бұрын

Stopped anything thats said here already also as becomming insecure about my behavier, clothing etc... thats also said here already, omg, I recordnize it all! And afraid of never ever being enough...😔

@wendy8561 2 жыл бұрын

You are so right I used to always smile and people would be like you smile all the time now it is nothing it takes so much out of me to laugh and smile it's sad I thank God for you and I never thought about this my personality is gone it has changed I want it back I want my old self back so bad

@FromSurvivingToThriving 2 жыл бұрын

I can relate!!!! You CAN get it back .... but it does take effort, patience, some time and compassion!!!! Unfortunately time does not allow us to spring back to our authentic selves... but we can do the inner work to get there - hang in there!!

@wendy8561 2 жыл бұрын

@@FromSurvivingToThriving thank you for reaching out means the world to me I know you completely understand I thank God for you 💜🙏

@GalickGon 2 жыл бұрын

My ex couldn’t work so she couldn’t do the second one. But she was constantly monitoring my activities online, offended if I spent time with my friends or interacted with them. Her actions also never matched up with her words. She said she was critical because she cared, aka cause she was trying to control me. I told her she didn’t love me for me. Just whatever “perfect” version she made up in her mind

@bonniekerr4964 9 ай бұрын

If I didn’t go along with what he wanted, kept up with my passions, my own career, hobbies, etc., I knew I would get the silent treatment. I hate the silent treatment.

@bonniekerr4964 9 ай бұрын

And it’s the same for others? Wow. I have tried to find things that would prove he wasn’t an actual narcissist, but everything keeps proving he is. I’ve been looking for other excuses for his crap behavior for two years.

@johnpaul2285 2 жыл бұрын

Your soft voice put that sweet dog to sleep 🥱😴😳🥴😊 or your getting the silent treatment

@FromSurvivingToThriving 2 жыл бұрын

hahahah - her partner in crime (Tokyo - my sons dog) wasn't home today so she was relaxed and enjoying her sun bath. When the two of them are together.... well, they have been known to interrupt many videos lol

@sharijames9622 2 жыл бұрын

I faced a another rage of anger if I stand up for myself first thing this morning wrongly accused and I have to flight but emotions Control function and fear the actual no contact will be an atom bomb to finish me off. There's not only guilt but the verbal abuse to degrade me is a repeat of every attack from ex's and immediate family members

@alimccreery755 2 жыл бұрын

I have two abusers in my life who both do what your talking about and I refuse to conform. They have already made me look like I’m the one with the problem. Oh well 🤷‍♀️

@eph2vv89only1way 2 жыл бұрын

I was afraid of my ex making me feel stupid

@mauibubbs8654 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for clearly describing and lmk if you are interested in understanding the profundity of the inherited generational influences upon young children. Because this is how I intimately relate to and comprehend what you are saying

@jeffcauthen6434 2 жыл бұрын

Wow. My situation 100%.

@arleneharakaly8603 Жыл бұрын

#1 reason we fear is abandonment

@ChooseTruthAlways 2 жыл бұрын

In my case they monitored every single move reaction look , even where I was looking. This was so disgusting

@paulneal7495 11 ай бұрын

The rage. Scary.

@juliejen2605 2 жыл бұрын

Their rage fits.

@magalicapi8124 2 жыл бұрын

Silent treatment

@FromSurvivingToThriving 2 жыл бұрын

yes!!! The emotional punishments that accompany their anger!!!

@NIKNAK1 2 жыл бұрын

personally I was afraid and pretty much told…. if I didnt do what he liked or wanted he wouldnt leave he would just find someone else who would…. someone else to pick up my slack…. and would be like yeah i met this girl or I talked to this girl and she does …. and im really into that…. like hint hint do this or she will when im almost certain she didnt exist…. the things I did and how uncomfortable it made me and the humiliation I felt still traumatize me to this day 5yrs later…. he faked his death I knew what the loss of him felt like I knew what losing him forever felt like I would have done absolutely anything not to go through that horrific pain again…. I almost didnt survive the first time I had a gun to my head (which he knew about while he was witnessing everything unfold in the background may I add and never stopped it) I had it in my head I wouldn’t survive it again…. I would have done anything to make him happy I was just so thankful to have that 2nd chance I asked god for…. and may I add that before he “died” there was no manipulation there was no problems we didnt fight my mom said that was the happiest shes seen me in my entire life he was my best friend the whole world was brighter then he came back as someone who was the complete and polar opposite…. the person I was thankful to have back was no longer the person I thought was my complete soulmate… that person I knew did die that day and I still mourn the loss but I know that person never existed and was never real and thats heartbreaking

@NIKNAK1 2 жыл бұрын

the abandonment the silent treatment withholding

@sheelahb39 Жыл бұрын

Why does the narc.. make it so I get so mad and blow up and then it's my fault. And why do I always think I can leave him cause there is no one else.. to put up with me

@collie8 2 жыл бұрын

her anger

@kristinanne6534 2 жыл бұрын

Anger

@cherylbagshaw5151 2 жыл бұрын

Anger and withholding communication, money, sex. Pouting.

@joynkindness Жыл бұрын

31 yrs with a narc. M

@lindajohnson9282 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry, but I must disagree with those who suffered from childhood trauma being those who are susceptible to coercive narcissism. Those who have had really good upbringings are actually naive to this form of abuse because it’s unfamiliar to them. Those good-hearted souls actually care about the person who is going to hunker down on them with the malicious intent of doing them harm in the future. The world isn’t purely filled with abusers and the abused, you know. Sometimes, genuinely nice people exist… until they meet narcissists. Some of those genuinely nice people will automatically detect the manipulative tactics used on them and just walk away, sometimes they fall for the sob-story that their future narc tells them and only want to be of help. The loyalty that was instilled in them, in a healthy family dynamic, is their downfall; they are unfortunately unable to tell between someone who is genuinely hurt and has no wish to bite the hand that helps it and the malingerer who’d do them in without a second thought. Please reflect on this.

@Susan-cp5wc 2 ай бұрын

703. Couldn't find those numbers here Michelle...

@_Trakman 2 жыл бұрын

#1 thing: not be happy/joyous/myself/authentic

@ewan5536 2 жыл бұрын

...does being guilt tripped into having a baby court?

@feuerelfenbein 10 ай бұрын

stopped the video - explosion, rage, hate, anger... more abuse, devaluation, twisting realities further...

@jimmysroom5132 Жыл бұрын

Imagine what that does to kids. Gteat video

@MsDanceman101 2 жыл бұрын

OK if you’re bringing up the situation with financial needs in this situation that you’re talking about with being a narcissist what do you do in a situation with the fact that your parents are your legal guardians on top of the situation of your parents dealing with your financial needs and how do you get out of that situation?

@MsDanceman101 2 жыл бұрын

Does the guardianship role play a major role in that kind of narcissism?