Patty Blevins 😮

Patty Blevins I'm the same age as you and was raised the same exact way. And I did the same with my kids all I had to do was look at him in point and they obeyed me. I do not understand the kids today and how they are being parented. It's very scary.

I agree!

What do you do if they don't take the warning of the finger pointing?

Focus on the Family is such a great show. 🙏

Jessa Nae hi! consistency in instruction and discipline is key. is there a way to keep him away from those hurting the process or at least getting them to comply with the process? best and be encouraged.

Jessa Nae stop being a victim! That sounds like I'm being callous... But woman to woman, seriously, stop being a victim! I don't mean you have chosen to be a victim, because you are pathetic or needy or weak... But the dynamics of your situation has become such that you are a victim of your own father's disrespect and your ex partner's immature irresponsibility! They are his male role models, true, through them he learns how to disrespect women... But only through YOU can he learn whether or not women are victims of such treatment. He has learnt you are overwhelmed, worn down, outnumbered and easily back down! Guess what...? To a child that translates as "you can't be bothered to parent him anymore", which will make him act out more in need of your attention, in need of knowing that what he does is still important to you. First thing is to learn to say NO and mean it! Say NO to your awful dad who is a terrible male role model! Tell him he needs to respect you and stop undermining you in general but especially in front of your son! Then tell the father to pull his finger out of his arse and be a parent not a friend! Tell them both that if they want to be involved in yours and your son's life they MUST work WITH you and stop working against you! And mean it! You don't need either man in your life UNLESS they add value and support! So put it to them to stop! Or you will cut ties with them! And as the resident parent you mean out of both your lives! It's not using your son to blackmail them... it's using your son as a priority that you want to be fully committed to raising him, leading by example and not allowing negative people to have influence over him! You wouldn't invite the school bully to sleep over at yours to hang out with your son right? So don't invite people who bully you to do the same! Until they are prepared to prove they love him enough to be exemplary role models, then they should not be welcome around your child! So it's why I say again... Stop being a victim! Stop allowing yourself to be controlled and labeled by other people's actions! If it's hard to cut ties because either or both men help you out in some way such as financially or something, then empower yourself to do what it takes to be self sufficient and not need that assistance! Whatever it is, figure out a way to do it yourself or learn to live without it, because at the moment you are paying the price of self respect, being a capable independent mother and risking your mother and son relationship for ever! Think of it this way.... Does your son misbehave with his grandfather? Does he misbehave with his irresponsible father? Probably not, and definitely not at the same level he does with you! Why? Why are you the victim yet the one he acts out more with? Why doesn't he act out the same with them? Because he doesn't respect you... And the reason he gets frustrated around you is because *HE EXPECTS BETTER FROM YOU!* He doesn't expect any more from them. Just because he accepts the way they are, doesn't mean he likes them more! It means he can clearly see that's who and what they are! No possibility of change or improvement. But he can see you aren't happy, he can see you could be so much more than you are, yet you can't be bothered... It's all too much. It's easier to back down. He sees your weakness and scorns it just like they do! You must stop being the victim! Tell your dad to bite his lip and shut the fuck up! Demand he supports you and works with you! Same for his father! If they will great! If they won't...? Then you still haven't lost anything! Dry your tears and move on! Stop allowing others to define you! Take back ownership of the role you choose for yourself and let your son know that shit's about to get REAL!!! No shouting, no yelling, no tears or emotions! Strap on a determined face and don't flinch or look defeated! *** "This is what is going to happen, this is how it's going to happen, this is how you will help me achieve it with a united front... and this is the front door to let yourself out of if you choose not to do whats best for this child!!!" You don't need anyone to back you or grant you permission! You don't need anyone's approval! And you don't need to waste another second feeling beaten down, undermined, disrespected or ignored! Do it for you, do it for your son and do it to stop being a victim. Hope that makes sense and comes across correctly...as in empowering and supportive! ❤

Tami Elizabeth Allaway ummm...woooow! Yeah... your 100% right! I'm currently picking myself up from a pretty bad relationship that was very mentally abusive! I have also been staying away from his grandfather more! As far as his dad... he's not around for him much, which is better BC I don't want him to learn disrespect, but it kills me that his dad won't grow up!!! I never ever ever would want to pull him away from his dad! Believe me I completely understand everything you've just said! It's very tough and I am trying my best to do what I can to raise him so that he knows how to be a respectful and mannerly kiddo! He has been doing much much better and I think it's because when his dad's around, he basically just pulls negativity out as much as he can from whatever he can and I notice how my child reacts to that and I try to explain to him right from wrong and while I wish he would be able to understand why people act the way his dad does because the last thing I want to do is put his dad down to him and I try not to let that happen either! He is 11 years old and his dad has been in his life since he was born, of course not exactly the way he should be but he has always so at his age pulling him away from his dad would be devastating to him! He's getting to that age though where he is understanding a little more because I realize that he is actually pulling away from his father more than he used to. I try to separate my relationship with my son and his relationship with his dad but also I sit down and explain everything to my child. He has a very very sweet and sensitive side and I am blessed that my son comes to me and talks to me about everything! He's not a bad child whatsoever but of course at his age he test me and knows what he can get away with which I have also been working hard on and it's getting better! If his dad is around I do what I can to just stay away because if not his dad likes to pick fights with me and not be so nice and that's something that no child needs to see or hear! Also my son has ADHD and while lot of people are judgemental about that, believe me that was a tough situation to pull through as well and my son went through every possible test that he could have until his diagnosis was proven to be accurate! I was one of the most judgemental people there could be when it comes to children being diagnosed with a lot of different mental disorders because they are very very highly overdiagnosed! But that is the reality of what we are dealing with and I've been working very hard with him and I just thank God that everything is getting better day by day! Thank you so so much for your comment because it was like you know me LOL!

Jessa Nae I'm so glad you took my comment in the way it was intended! It was a tough one because I felt compelled to reach out, yet worried about whether I could explain it in a way that would come across supportive, kind, but to the point! I could explain it easily enough in the flesh, but trying to get it across on screen was going to be harder, especially as you're already feeling undermined! I didn't want to make you feel attacked from all angles! At the same time you're tougher than you think! You have to be, to have put up with such negative abuse and be a single mum! So I felt you needed reminding of that! I know I didn't get all the male relatives necessarily correct, but you got the gist! My main point was let them be who they are... Your son will figure out himself how useless they can be in time, the only person you can fully control is yourself! And you definitely needed reminding of THAT!!! That you own your own destiny! That you are not just some byproduct of THEIR choices! And do I know you..? In a way, yes I do! I know you from the men who have mentally and physically and sexually abused me! I know you from the years I spent as a single mum to my daughter! I know you from the hours of pain I spent watching my own child in turmoil because of her own absent father! I know you from being a people-pleasing-peacekeeper myself who wasted too much of my life before learning to say NO and mean it! And I know better than anyone that no one else is going to pick you up and dust you off and kick you up the arse, better than you are capable of doing yourself! Stop being defeated by the things you can't change and are not responsible for! At the same time, stop assuming that makes you powerless to change some of the dynamics! It's easy to feel helpless about the entire situation when the odds are stacked against you, but you have to take back ownership of your decisions, your coping strategies, your approach to things! No matter how shitty those men choose to be, they don't have the right to control you! And you won't achieve a better outcome by allowing yourself to believe that it's all in their hands! It is not! It is in yours! And it was about time someone gave your future back to the rightful owner... YOU! xxxxx ❤

Tami Elizabeth Allaway Amen!!! I've spent too many years letting the words of my abuser define me! I hold faith close to my heart and I take every struggle and try my best to learn from it! I see everything from a complete different angle, which is a blessing! I have so much more strength now, and of course there are still doubts lingering in my thoughts, but I know things will eventually get better with time! I'm grateful that my son is a pretty darn good kiddo! He's 11,so there will be times that aren't so easy and times when he'll try testing me, but I'm his mom and I'll do whatever I can to teach him right from wrong! It's hard when your kiddo has two parents with different personalities but I'm always here to teach him to make the right choices! I really appreciate your words of encouragement and it means more to me than you think! Although it's sad to experience horrible things, when you take everything in and view it in the right, positive light, it helps you grow and learn! I feel bad hearing and seeing ppl dealing with abuse and betrayal, but I feel way more happier for you that you have used it to your advantage and learned! Shows a lot about the person you are! So ty ty ty!! Bless your heart!! I spent years not sure of what I wanted as far as a career, but now after going through the hardest times of my life, I want so badly to help other people that are dealing with the same issues! Not sure exactly what. ....but that's my goal!!

Yes, it's a lot to figure out. One of the classics on the style of parenting I use that I believe is best (Consultant Style) is "Love and Logic." Grab a copy and see if that makes sense to you. You want to make sure you choose a proven parenting paradigm and system that works, but is flexible enough to personalize to you and your family. Thanks for sharing and all the best as you start your family in the future ;)

Great! How'd it go?

Thanks! Have you seen any of my new ones?

Sorry to hear that! What exactly do you feel like isn't working?

The Parenthood Life He continues to do all the wrong things. I’ve tried everything

@@LoveLeeSoul_ Sorry to hear that there's still a struggle! I recommend a book that uses the best parenting discipline and training paradigm, it's called "Love and Logic." It's a Consultant Parenting style--same one I use. The encouragement and details in there may be of some help. But most of all, I hope you don't give up or give in. I know it can be super discouraging at times, but don't give up! I hope in future videos I can continue to share tips and encouragement that can help. Cheering you on!

Dean Kaneshiro Thanks, Ill check it out.

Have you tried implementing God’s word into your parenting and disciplining toolbox?

I hear a lot of stories about parents using work as punishment, and usually the kids grow to like whatever chore was used. The other one I've heard that comes off the top of my head is weeding.

Acording to the children rights, putting them to do this is a little bit ilegal

Red Pill, sounds like a win-win to me ;)

Tools of discipline work best when our kids experience unconditional love from us. This way they know that consequences have nothing to do with their VALUE. So for us, for toddlers, for example, putting them in Time Out on the stair case to take a break works well. We put the timer on for how old they are (4 yrs old = 4 minutes). We don't yell, we don't freak out. We just use it as a way to help them understand consequences. But the BEST consequences are Life Consequences. If your child spills their water at the table after you told them not to play at the table while they eat, they can simply clean it up themselves. That's the best because that's how life works. Hope that helps!

He absolutely did. Each child is motivated by something different. It might be restricting phone use, or limiting time with friends ... whatever your child would be shocked to lose. Figure out what's important to them, and use it as a tool to correct behavior. His advice was for you, the parent, to find what tool works for your child, and warn them that you plan to implement that tool when they misbehave. Then, actually follow through and implement that discipline if they disobey.

Eli Laguna switch ... one time. From that day forward will take you seriously when you say no the first time period instantly removes a rebellious Spirit from a child. Older kids and teens its grounding and punitive chores. And that doesn't mean that's the only time they get chores. It means in addition to their normal chores, they'll be giving a punitive chore such as scrubbing all the grout in the tile with a toothbrush. And you may have to take the time to stand by them and be sure that they do it so that the punishment is fulfilled. That's just an example, but you can find at or where they are not physically strained but that they are made to do something that is productive. Raking the neighbors leaves for example if the kids already has the tour of raking leaves in his own yard. Or mowing the neighbor's yard after mowing his own. Something like that and added chore that doesn't normally have but he has to do it for punishment. Also make them think of their own punishment that is a really good one.

when I was a kid I would be freaked out if you say no more going to play with my friend or even worse no more going out (trips)

Darrick Lee, what about a 2-3 year old?

Nas, tools can be many things: timeout, loss of privileges, no being able to watch a movie, not going out with friends, etc. All based on ages and what you know would "sting" your specific child. Make sure they're activated sooner the younger your child is. Have you been able to experiment with anything that is working?

I agree I don't want my parents to know this solution to getting me to listen to them

Nahum P 😳

^_^ ^_^

Hilarious 😂

What if you are a single parent to 3 adopted children and the oldest who is 15 is the most disobedient and the only sting of discipline you can give him is sending him back to live in a foster home with people he is not familiar with?

Ha ha! Yeah, not THOSE kinds of tools ;)

1.42

Casey, yes, CONSISTENCY is key! We're not perfect, for sure, but consistency will help what you are doing. Other than that part, what else are you struggling with?

@ScarXrose - Thanks for sharing! There's so much in your comment that's so important to talk about...thanks for bringing these issues up. Here are my thoughts: 1) I can totally understand how the word "obey" or "obedience" can seem harsh, or even remind you of slavery. Especially if it is always associated with anger, manipulation, or coldness. However, the ultimate idea with obeying our parents is the reality that your brain is still developing and you need help making good life choices, even into your early twenties! The pre-frontal cortex--the part of your brain that oversees wise, long-range, healthy decision-making--is still in development. And parents are given to us in our lives to help keep us from making decisions that could hurt us, negatively impact our futures, or worst of all...kill us. Plus, our parents have more life experience than we do and can help us make wise choices. So my encouragement to you is not to think of it as slavery, but as using WISDOM to keep you safe and healthy, even when you don't like it or agree. Now, that doesn't mean you can't have an open and honest conversation with your parents about how you feel...please do! And do it showing maturity and self-control. Hopefully, if they're reasonable, they will listen with an open heart and mind. But at the end of the day, they still have the final say. I hope this helps! 2) I 100% agree that they way parents speak to their kids really matters, doesn't it? I am all for an anger-free way of training and disciplining young people so they have great success in life. Parents should never be slave-drivers or harmful or hurtful. As parents, we should be loving as we discipline or enforce guidelines. Parents can be both ;). If you need to, sit down with your parents and let them know how it feels when they speak to you in a certain way. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with sharing your feelings and making suggestions about better ways to speak to you. 3) As far as monitoring your phone and apps (using parental control software like Bark), I agree that it can feel intrusive. Especially if you don't have any TRUST built between you and your parents. I think trust is the foundation, for sure. If you don't have that, this is your #1 goal with mom and dad. THEN if and when your parents use software like this, you'll be in a better mindset to accept it. Remember, your brain is still developing in areas that need your parent's wise oversight. The cost is too high for you to make certain mistakes that could seriously hurt you: sexting images of yourself, connecting with online predators, making comments or posts that could come back to hurt you as an adult, or developing an addiction to porn. I want you to think about this: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PRIVACY ONLINE. There really isn't. Everything you text, snap, comment on, or post...all of it can be saved, screenshot, or it actually exists online somewhere. So for your parents to use monitoring software is one way for them to remind you: there is no such thing as privacy online...and anything you are doing or saying should have a certain degree of openness to it. Hope that helps you understand the idea of it, even at list a little ;) 4) When you have disagreements with smaller issues (like if "afk" is a swear word or not ;), I hope you can develop a relationship of trust with your parents enough to sit down and have a conversation with them about it. Your trust connection with them is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to focus on this year, because there will always be more "afk" conversations to have. Thanks for being honest! I hope this helps. - Dean

Hindhokatu Dhugaani Go to God Almighty and Jesus in prayer and fasting. Asking for forgiveness and Deliverance for your children. It does not matter how young or old they are as a parent you have parental Covenant ground to always pray for your children. This is given to us by God Almighty our creator. Do not complain about your children's Behavior but instead ask Him to give them the behavior he wants them to have. Ask God to remove any Rebellion from yourself as well. Anything the Lord shows you that is rebellion in his eyes, repent from it. And ask the Lord how long to do this fast for your children. This is a biblical principal in the New Testament where Jesus tells his disciples the reason they cannot cast a demon out of a child with the cause they had failed to do their prayer and fasting. Some versions or translations of the Bible actually omitted those verses but a King James version will have it. God showed me this personally. I fasted for my daughter and God delivered her from the bad friends that were influencing her conduct. She repented and apologized and broke off with his friends immediately. Take it very seriously fasting is a gift that God gives us that we can seek his will for our children and even our own life.

Kaleido Scope Thanks

Kaleido Scope: That is the suggestion of someone who is scared of conflicts and life in general. Someone who has not the faintest idea about human behavior, and wishes for a miracle to solve the problem without his/her own intervention.

Bhawna Kochhar I'm sure your son has a lot to process with starting school. New schedule, new rules, new friends etc Its a big change to adjust to. I would encourage you to be patient with him. Spend some one on one time with him for reinforcement of self esteem and his place in the family. He may be feeling insecure. Calmly and firmly explain that you expect him to treat his sister fairly. Don't lose control. Be patient. Good luck!

Bhawna Kochhar seek God in prayer and fasting. Ask God to remove the bad behavior and cause of it and to fill your children with His love and peace. Don't be surprised if during the fast that you are tempted to lose your patience or peace with the situation. Do not do it do not engage in Strife with your child. And do not be surprised if as you keep your piece that you see your child actually seems to escalate in their frequency or how strongly they express their discontent. This is a battle in the spiritual realm that the enemy will try to push you to give up. Just obey God and continue the fast. Continue to fast in peace and show your child love and encouragement and understanding. Also change up the routine or something that puts. Seek the Lord on how long to fast and do that fast very Faithfully. God will deliver your children from this Behavior. And Don't be surprised if during the fast that you are tempted to lose your patience or peace with the situation. Do not do it do not engage in strife with your child. Keep your peace. And do not be surprised if as you pray that you see your child actually seem to escalate in frequency or how strongly he Expresses discontent. This is a battle in the spiritual realm that the enemy will try to push you to give up. Just obey God and continue focus on God in the fast. Continue to fast and stay in peace and show your child love and encouragement and understanding. Also if you dont think you see a change just trust and ask God to recognise your fast at the close and tell him you now put your child in his hands. Continue to pray and wait for God to move. God delivered my daughter when I prayed and fasted. But the Deliverance didn't come during the fast, it came after the fast was completed.

Bhawna Kochhar also don't let your friend of mine become troubled if you think you see something that seems like it's getting worse during the fast because that is the enemy fighting you. Just focus on God and keep your peace during the fast and when you close the fast as God to recognize that you have completed the fast and you're putting your child in God's hands and you can continue praying for your child. When God delivered my daughter it came after the fast was completed

Very Good

If the kid is smart and this happens they would have downloaded music/videos/films/games and if they are old enough then they probably have mobile data. And if they are strong-willed enough they will just find a different hobby.

That's your tool! Now prepare and follow through!

Are you saying it's too "weak" to provide a sting? What are some of your ideas for discipline that are working for you? Thanks for commenting!

Dianne Anderson no. This will only work if implemented while they are babies and young children. There are some great resources for parents of teens so you don't need to lose hope but this method is definitely only for little ones. Biologically teens are adults and so they can't help but resent if they are treated like children.

Dianne Anderson go to God in prayer asking him to deliver your children from rebellion. Examine your own life and repent from any rebellion you are in. If you dont think you are in rebellion, then don't lean on your own understanding but acknowledge God as the scripture instructs us to do by asking God to show you if there is a place in your life that is in Rebellion. Sometimes we just don't recognize something that God sees as Rebellion. Repent immediately even if something just tingling comes to you even if it's a memory of something from your younger years, some painting from your childhood teen years old or young adult years that you were in Rebellion about that you've never specifically ask God to forgive you and repent from it. Also ask God to show you how to fast, how long to fast for your children to be delivered. This is something that I never hear talk in church but this is something that the Lord showed me and I fasted for my daughter and God delivered her. God showed me and one scripture that the disciples could not cast out a demon because they had failed to do their prayer and fasting. There is some sort of power that comes to your prayers when you fast. Seek God in prayer and fasting for the Deliverance of your children. He is faithful.

Dianne Anderson also stay in peace during your entire fast do not be drawn into conflict with anyone including your child no matter what they say or do stay in peace. Getting out of Peace could trip you up in your prayers. If you do then immediately repent and ask the Lord to forgive you and then continue your fast and when you close your fast ask God to recognize and tell God you are putting it in his hands. God delivered my daughter after I finished the fast not during.

Kaleido Scope Very good

God this God that. Look, you have to work out for yourself what's best for you and your child/children. It would be best to teach them when they are younger though.

hey t, the struggle lol

Agreed ;). I've had to learn how to be a better speaker over the years...in fact, I'm still learning! I hope some of my new videos jump into the Problems and Solutions faster and are helpful to you. Thanks for commenting!

Totally agree!!! Natural organic consequences is what works!!!

Thanks for the comment, Dee! I agree that natural (what I call "Life") consequences are best first and foremost. When there aren't natural consequences to use, what are some examples of "positive discipline" that you use that works? Thanks!

7861hotcakes no money for nwe clothes , don't pay their phone, absolutely no food that tou love.

17 is grown.

Yes it does. I still use this technique on my 17-year-old son.

They can probably afford the phone bill and snacks on their own if they have a job or just do odd jobs or babysitting. And they can probably either afford to buy some nice clothes every once in a while or not care.

Teaching there are consequences is not harmful advice. What would you suggest?

God 74 This is a kids parenting show and you say WTF? Really I wonder if you have any other language that you could use?