This advice can be applied more broadly than just people in a wheelchair, but for anyone who have challenges.

I hate the "you're so brave!" Bravery is about choice. Nothing motivates me more than being told I can't do something.

I hate it too, when people say I am such an inspiration. That is especially bad if it is not a total stranger. Being an inspiration to someone is a responsibility. If they then see, and your not being inspirational...then you feel like you let them down.

One of my favorites is "you must not want it enough, or didn't try hard enough".

You may be in a wheelchair but you cope really well with your disability, I know that you have no choice but you are helping others to cope with life who happen to be in a similar position, you are straight forward and I like you for that.

Your delivery is perfect! Right to the point, but totally fair and understanding while educating some of us who have delivered some of these, albeit with good intentions. I'm definitely guilty of the "inspiration" line in general! 😬 It makes sense how you describe it comes across from your perspective. So, I love how you use your mindset and voice to make better people out of us. That's awesome.

Your videos are very interesting & fun to watch….. so many other channels are boring when I thought they wouldn’t be. But….. your channel is fun content

Good points, Brittany. What do we tell a person in their 90's with a body that's completely worn out with age... hang in there, they'll find a cure to this aging thing any day now? We're all guilty of saying the wrong thing because words are more powerful than we really know. What we say comes from the Heart [Subconscious Mind]. "Out of the mouth, the Heart speaketh." I love your honesty and straightforward approach, Brittany! Have a wonderful day, sweetheart! ❤️

Interesting video. As an A-B, I had to think and I hope I’ve never said anything close to these. My wife is disabled, and while I’ve never heard her face these statements, I also know by some of the looks we get, that some people have thought about saying the 3rd one to her. I love that you explained each of them, and then also gave suggestions on what is a better thing to say.

I can't imagine!! I hate that .. i couldn't have imagined it 5 years ago either, but i never would have said that. It makes me feel so alone and hopeless when someone says that to me

There was lots of good advice in this video, and I saw the good in people up close yesterday. A woman using a scooter and with a visible AFO, was arriving back to her car to unload a full order of groceries. I was 2 cars past her so I quietly and politely asked her if she needed any assistance. She said she did not need help, then 2 more people right after me also asked her. Sometimes I’m surprised at how you say most people are so kind, but yesterday proved what you say. Thanks Brittney!

Recently was cruising in the Caribbean and I had a woman say “wow you are so strong” and it struck a cord because I have heard the same things as you over the last 30 years! It was so refreshing and appreciated.

Thank you for posting this helpful video Brittney. You are a fabulous communicator and have interesting videos.

Thanks for the video Britt, very helpful

Well said!!! In my experience, having an invisible disability is way worse than being healthy and not being able to walk. We can't hide our disability and therefore people feel all sympathetic as though not walking is the worst thing ever, but many of us are healthier than a lot of the people we meet in public, and they don't get people running across a store to open the door for them. They don't get to cut the line. We've kinda got it good in my opinion. It's all about perspective!

Total agreement. I've gotten the same thing from oblivious able bodied people. Especially annoying is when when they drag their god into it. The implication is that my life is not worth living because I am paralyzed. People with no knowledge of spinal cord injuries tell me all I need is prayer and faith. "Never give up hope." Yikes! I have tried to enlighten them but they just don't get it. And please forgive me and I hope I'm not being inappropriate but I can't help it. You have the most incredible eyes I've ever seen.

You nailed my top three pet peeves. The big one is telling me I’m inspirational. I agree that it’s better if it’s said like I admire this or that about you, or you did that really well.(never follow that up with “for someone in a wheelchair”) I also despise the word crippled

This is just great! I wish the internet and folks like Empowered Para were around long ago when the Americans with Disabilities Act was finally passed back in 1990. I am a retired commercial space planner and the act made major changes to the building codes that I had to learn and that just made so much sense to me. Unfortunately, there was major push-back and grumbling at the bother and cost of ramps, larger restrooms, clearances at doors, etc., etc., etc. that made office space higher in square footage (higher in rent) or simply more costly to build. I designed office space primarily and with nearly every job I had to explain and defend why all these things had to be done and why. I learned that most people are selfish, especially men who would get really angry and try every way around the requirements; I can't remember any women business owners who objected. Educating the public is essential and "E.P." is doing just that.

Right on, ride on!

Spot on! I can't tell you how many times I have said "my life isn't any better or worse, It's just different".

I have been a wheelchair user for a year and a half now. I just recently dove into the disability side of social media and i'm glad i came across your channel. You have been so transparent which I have struggled with since I am new to being in the wheelchair. I am still continuing PT and OT , and on top of that seeing a mental health counselor to address my trauma and anger towards what happened to me. Being a human is so interesting, crazy, and I am just taking it day by day. Thank you for what you do. In my opinion, I have gained a ton of perspective and being nice to people is easy. I am with you with the inconvenience of daily living, BUT, it doesn't mean I am not happy,.

I am able bodied but I find your videos so fascinating and your open personality is so refreshing! Your vids help me be a better friend and support person for those around me with disabilities and I learn so much! Thank you. You're just a gem!

You are inspirational just living your life, you could have just given up and not even try to live your life. One part of your life you don't have anymore but that does not make you less than a person. You have your mind, heart still able to give of yourself.

Thank you for your video. People need to learn how to properly say things to people with challenging disabilities! From having a blind cousin and knowing people in a wheelchair and knowing people who are mentally challenged, I have learned that they are able to make the best of it because they are very resourceful! You are a very strong young lady who is making a difference by your channel! God bless!

When I say that you are inspiration it is meant to be the biggest compliment that I can bestow upon you. You inspire people to NOT wallow in their own self pity like so many people do

I get #2 so often, ive really just tuned it out; not saying i dont hear it i just let it go in one ear and out the other. When i get it in stores(grocery mostly) 6 times out of 10 it involves me being given money for being an inspiration. Few years ago i was in Walmart I was with a family friends sister, my friends daughter, and the sisters baby pushing a cart and an older woman(i was in my mid 30's and i suck at guessing ages, so older then me) walked up and started talking directly to me(completely ignoring the 2 AB young women and baby with me). She'd been following us for a while, you know how you just feel you're be watched a lot. Anyway she comes right and literally says that im an inspiration for 1) pushing my own cart from a wheelchair, and 2) for having a "normal" family{i can only assume she was talking about the 1 wheelchair and 2 walking people}. Before she leaves she palms me a $100 bill and says "God bless people like you", i just sat there for a minuet totally deer in the headlights; trying to comprehend what had occurred. She was gone before i could even acknowledge the money, so we used it for the groceries we had planned to buy anyway. Sorry didnt intend for it to be that long, but once i start its hard to find the brakes.

I have chronic migraines (currently multiple a week. It's awesome really) and had to reschedule lunch with a couple of family cos migraine misery. So of course my migraines came up during lunch and I had to shatter MIL with having already tried the uncommon treatment of botox (worked alright but cost was was not worth it) and my brother said if he was in that level of pain as often as I am he'd have already killed himself. Thanks brother that makes me feel great! At least they both recognise that I have an actual illness that is serious and not curable just treatable at this stage unlike folks telling me to drink more water to fix it...

This was such a good constructive video! My wife and I loved it!! Hope you make more of these!

thanks for your explanations; it's helped me to understand that shouldn't be any reason that justifies abortion for malformations.

I’m so proud of you. I love the way you’re bringing up your children every time you see them they are smiling and enjoying heaven and they love being with you. Have a great day.

I agree completely!!!

you NAILED it!!! I hate being called an "inspiration". I have even been THANKED for going to a concert....by an audience member.

Well stated. Thanks, that was helpful.

You’re very pretty.

Really useful informative video. Thankyou for sharing your tips and ideas.

Being in my chair is normal & I love normal - most folks have hidden problems, mine are about wet pants in public or the bus passing me by in the wet weather- people are people & not always that thoughtful at times ❤ educating them one person at a time is my mission ❤ it will take all of us in chairs to help them

My life sucked for several years before I got a wheelchair, almost killed myself before being stuck in bed in pain. Just got my first active lightweight wheelchair and feel free again no pain and not struggling to walk. It's been one week since I have my wheelchair it feels easy after years of struggling a new lease on life and am very happy, no more pain no more wanting to kill myself.

I love this and I love your channel!! ❤❤❤

I really understand this commentary, I used to be & do athletic things and after my injury I never will again. I get the "sympathy" comments' which are form of disguised pity. I have struggled hard to get where I can function pretty well and I'm proud of it! So congratulations' are much more empowering than the some of other comments! Keep posting it really helps in let more ways than you think 😘

Although it’s hugely relatable, I have made peace with the things people say and I think it’s more practical to have some canned responses to things that annoy you, than to wish others communicate differently. Maybe we can discuss this on the podcast 😊

So enjoy ur videos. So glad I found ur channel. You are so well spoken. Thank you.🙂

NEVER GIVE UP KEEP GOING BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR IS NOT A BAD THING IT WILL GET BETTER AS TIME GOES ON

Thanks for the advice, Brit. I think it's cool how you express what annoys you, and what you like to hear. I don't go on the Tic Toc. Too much negativity.

Thank you, Brittney! You've just reminded me of training my rhetoric skillset and the art of persuasion more often. Nicely delivered! :) Time for me to dig up the Tools Appendix in 'Thank You for Arguing' from Jay Heinrichs. On the other hand I think there is enough confirming evidence to say that your experience with those persons matches perfectly with 'The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity'. Self-centered thinking and comparison lead to many lose-lose or win-lose situations. So stay strong and happy with any new Social Media excursions. :)

YES YES YES! Inspirational grocery shopping! Why do we get this? The person isn’t going up to AB’s saying this. Saying this to perk me up…but the only logical sense I can make of why I’d be getting this as a chair-user is that this person thinks of me as lesser. If I was thought of as an equal, there’d be no reason to say anything., like all the other people also buying food. What I really want an explanation to is why I’m looked at as the rude one for a snarky comeback like, “great. You go be inspired and quit bothering people.” Complete separate rant: can we please stop saying this about the “guy born with no arms that paints amazing scenes with his feet.” (Adapt the specifics) This guy was born this way, he doesn’t know any different, so yeah, he’s just painting . Y’all think it’s IMPRESSIVE, say that. The painting is good. It is impressive. But if the canvas looked like a preschooler’s sloppy mess…? A painter doesn’t paint with her hands…she just paints. You use what you train. There’s a case to say this guy is puzzled why AB’s have stupid feet that can’t do anything dexterous. Am I the only one? Is it me? It might be me. I’m okay if it’s me.

It's really a helpful video I find it positive for the practical advices that we non disabled people can be provided with For the purpose of motivating disabled people and motivating each other generally regardless of our outward differences

Hi Brittany this is Steve in Glen Burnie. I've had CP my whole life. I was married for 22 years and my wife divorced me. And now no one wants to touch me because I'm disabled. The girl for a date and she said I just want to be friends. Thanks love your content.

Great video!! (All of your videos are great btw 😊) But I loved that you not only talked about the issues…but you gave solutions.

Good advice, Thank you

Thank you. I've always had a hard time dealing with things like this -- I for some reason get told I'm a "hero" for getting my wheelchair in and out of my car. Not heroic. And there was no heroism involved in why I'm in a chair. I love those people, but it does sometimes bother me.

I find the way you live and adapt to your life situation inspiring. However we live in a world of 4 word Tweets and texts and people have lost the art of communication or never had it in the first place. That and very few people are inspiring so I would take their comment with a grain of salt and be glad they even think that way.

The one I get from able-bodied people is "Just looking at you makes all my troubles go away."... I'm sure they mean it in a nice way as in they could be worse off... My reply is "Well, my job is done here."... Good info! All the best.

Amen sister. Just know that mostly these comments, when said come from a caring place which I know you know. Great video.

Thank you! Well said! You’ve helped me a lot dealing with things! 👍🇦🇺

How about you do some videos on how to make the world more inclusive? What things can we do to help?

Great points! Thanks for taking the time to educate. We all need to realize we are all differently able in one way or another. Wording matters! 🌻

About 5 or 6 years ago I was sitting in a wheelchair ( the only thing available) & a flatlander told his friend "how sad, I am lacing up boots I'll not walk in." 3 mental coin tosses later I decided not to uncork a left.

OMG I absolutely loved this video!!!!!! Keep these messages coming!!!!

Totally agree with you, I add an expression that I have had to hear "I couldn't be in a wheelchair, I am a very active person" as if the reason why wheelchair users continue is because they have been inactive people before ending up using the chair🤬, once I couldn't be as diplomatic as usual and I answered "well, I'm currently more active than you so imagine before!" the truth we learn to be patient but how difficult they make it for you sometimes! great of you to substitute inspiration for inclusion or universal accessibility, I'll use that, thanks ♿👌👏

0:45 this triggered a memory of Molly Burks video about the medical model of disability versus the social model of disability. Before watching that video, it annoyed me that my Hulu defaulted to closed captioning being always on. After watching that, I happily adjust the setting for my family’s needs. I’d love to see your take on the medical model versus the social model. Mostly because I’d like more people who don’t live with disabilities to understand that if we make the world more accessible to everyone, then people with disabilities are ABLE. ( people who comment after less than a minute of the content, right?)

It seems like the older I'm getting the more sympathy I'm receiving from people when I'm out in public. Mainly from when I'm getting my wheelchair out of my car when I'm out and about. People always asking me if I need help unloading and loading my chair. I always tell them, "No thanks, I'm good".

This was informative, and super helpful Thanks!

How about this one - "I hurt my back and was in a wheelchair once. I know how you feel" !! . Maybe people could just resist the urge to go up to a stranger and give you some comment of how they see you. That's just not a normal thing to do. Hey, if you see me looking at the high shelf in the supermarket, you could ask if I needed anything got down. I'll always appreciate that. Apart from that, don't say anything you wouldn't to any other stranger.

🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 so true, hope is a illusion, illusion, is not real, not real are fairytales… life today and enjoy the day that’s a fact, that’s the only true, tomorrow is a surprise and wil maybe never come.. big Hugh from Holland..

Thanks heaps for doing this. I sometimes cringe at things people say! BTW you do your makeup so well.. you should do a tutorial on that ! Seriously! 😊

well said girl. x

I do not think these questions can count as peeves to annoy you, and why? : Because they are bloody stupid things to say to annyone! I am generally a happy person, I laugh a lot and enjoy life as much as possibly from my powerchair, BUT: There are times when it is mentally dark, I have had the thought to off myself and I do get frustrated and annoyed at the situation every now and then, what I do not need are comments like those from people who seems utterly contempt at going thru life without actually thinking a bit before they open their mouths! That is my big peeve I get supe annoyed at people who are stupid without being unintelligent... 😉 But heck, I still look forward to the next laugh. the next good pizza, a nice roll by the water, sunshine on my face and a lot of other things, I´m not done yet, I still have lots of things on my bucket list! Thank you for being you, you are a nice ambassador for a lot of people who do not have the strength, courage or will to go public like you do, and we love you for that!

Brittany I really think you should watch the part 10 I made... I know you had your injury super young. I was 41 and with that life experience I was able to recovery to the point of walking. I remember one video you said you didn't excercise for like 19 years? Well I excercised pretty much every single day since being paralysed.

Yes…these things. People do need to hear this. Good grief…reporters definitely need to hear this. The tragedy trope is so overdone these days. I think I’ve aged into a lower tolerance for this form of ignorance. It’s not enough to “mean well” and the the recipient of your insensitive comments has to be okay with it. Do better. It’s just not that hard. It is literally the same (probably less) energy as being insensitive.

Don't blindly use the words "suffers" or "suffering" Yes I have a disability, do I suffer from it? ...no

Why my wife hates it when people tell me I'm an inspiration. I love it because I know I'm about to see her do a huge eye roll. She want to tell them "I'm the one that held everything together while he just laid there!" (I spent 5 months in the hospital)

Genuinely honest question here... if you were out in public and were having a hard time doing something.. maybe you dropped something and it was slightly out of reach (or whatever the case).. do you prefer if people just let you figure it out/do it yourself (even if it was like 20x faster for me to just pick it up for you), or would you prefer if someone asked if you needed help, or would you prefer if someone passing by just sorta picked it up for you without making a deal about it (sort of casually.. like.. even if a non-para dropped a pen or whatever.. usually a first reaction is to just pick it up for them). Im curious what your preference is, and what makes you feel most comfortable, and NOT feeling like other ppl see u as being less able or whatever? Same question for other things like holding doors etc. I want to be helpful, but I dont want to intrude on your independence... and i never know what option is better.

Thank you for this. Able bodied people don't know what to say because all they know is ableism. I have a chronic illness and still I don't know what to say to myself and others who are struggling, so this was helpful.

What if I’m inspired by you courage to put your opinions out to the public, because I’m building up my courage to do likewise… oh, that’s a reason. Never mind. It’s almost like I asked the question as an excuse to say you’re inspiring.

"You're so inspirational" is inspiration porn, which is an actual thing with a wiki page. Last time I heard it I went out to town and was eating my lunch, that's all. Apparently my not staying home and going out to do something was enough to be called inspirational.

Who cares what people say, I've heard everything and I couldn't care less they are just words.... We are the most resilient and emotionally strong humans on the planet 💪 🧑‍🦼

I'm 41 & I was born with my disability & I have been getting those comments (among others) my entire life. I usually have a comeback for these comments. LOL The only one I don't know what to say to is that I'm an inspiration.

Why say anything other than what you would say to anyone else?

Ok so like, I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user, and getting my first one that is mine. Just having the trial chair around for the couple weeks since I got it, I've gotten the "you must have been faking needing a chair yesterday because you're walking today" -_- for context it has felt like I'm walking on Legos since 2015 and my knees & hips like to dislocate... And I'm just getting my first wheelchair and listening to my body screaming as of October. I'm not borrowing a chair because once my chair is ordered my insurance won't cover a rental so honestly, I've become one with the Lego feeling over the years, and don't want to get completely used to not being in as much pain & then not have that while my chair is being ordered... So I only brought the trial chair to work like once... And the back is too tall, and we kind of made an 18 inch deep seat work when I'll probably need a 16 or 17, so the wheels are way off from where they should be... So not ideal for everyday use, but proof of concept is there.

I am still very new to being in a wheelchair. Yes, life is hard right now. But things are slowly getting easier. in the last 48 hrs, I have heard just about all of these except the kill myself one. Two of them were said by Medical personal working with me.

Question..for anyone in a wheelchair. Does it bother you when you are out in public and someone asks if you need any help? Like when you are getting yourself in or out of a car or needing something from a high shelf or taking your groceries out to the car. Is that a bad thing to ask? I would never want it to sound like I am implying that you can't do it by yourself. What would be the best way to approach and ask, if they need help.?Thank you

Try being told, I feel sorry for you. I've been doing this since 1985. I've heard it all. The pitty is what sets me off. I was told once I shouldn't be in public, that was in 1985, shortly after I left the hospital.

What if after 10 years of SCI I still haven't gotten over that hump and everyday still feels bad and hopeless all the time

Brave or inspirational are my two pet peeves. I know people mean well, so I don't say anything but still

My most hated. "you're so brave"

Here's one I've wondered. If a stranger in a chair is going the same place as you, or if a stranger in a chair is having trouble negotiating a curb or a ramp, is if offensive to offer to push them? No offense is intended, obviously.

When i meet or are intruduced to someone witha dissability.. i say 'hi'; and i never reply to things that i wasn't asked, if you want my opinion..!? ask me, otherwise you'll get silence or everyday conversation. Have a good women's day

Your such an inspiration

If I approched you in a public setting I would say this. I would be like yo brit... wanna go out on a date... then you would be like.. no sorry I'm married... then ide be like... damn

It’s good to learn what not to say to a disabled person ..this applies to everyone though. Everyone has different challenges but not everyone is treated the same or acts the same. Personal narratives are subjective although it’s good to be confident with who you are not everyone feels the same way. My question is why are there a ton of people with disabilities posting similar experiences but they feel empowered to change people. Yes I have been disabled since birth and have stretches of good and bad days but being empowered is more about how I want to feel not what others think of me.

If someone wants to help a person in a wheelchair they should spend a week using a wheelchair.

If I saw you in a supermarket here in Australia Britt, I would say “Can I support you by reaching for those nicer looking bananas at the back of the shelf?” 🤗 🐨 🦘🦘 💖

A lot of wheelchair users hate to be called disabled also. Wheelchair-bound and confined to a wheelchair are two other sayings.

I hate the word disability and other ajectives like that.

Why do people have to mention anything at all? Why do we have to be treated differently anyway? Why can't we have just a normal conversation and to not even talk about the wheelchair? Besides, you don't say anything like that when you see a person walking with a cane, so why would you say it with anything else?

People are incredibly ignorant

We just need to appreciate the little things that we have instead of focusing on things that we do not have. This is how your life will turn into positivity and happiness. Always try to follow the half glass full attitude strategy: 1. Set your intention. 2. Perform an act of courage. 3. Reframe a challenge into an opportunity. 4. Avoid energy drainers. 5. Carry yourself like an optimist. 6. Lighten up. 7. Exercise.

To me, why do people feel the need to say something yo us? Just say hi, or say nothing.

You cop the same crap when you are blind as i am. Hate it big time. Especially when the one saying it thinks they know better than you regarding the running of your life.

Should people that are homeless after losing everything they have worked for their whole life and they have a disaster happening to them, or if someone that has lost a child in their later years, after trying their whole life of having a child, or someone who has spent life in prison most of their life for something they did not do??????? You really think you can bitch and tell people off? What would you tell THOSE people?