Which phrase do you find yourself saying to your little one? To get the free guide - 8 Parenting Phrases to Rethink & What to Say Instead click here: brightestbeginning.com/bb_optin/8-common-parenting-phrases-to-rethink/

I actually started doing some of the things you said just by watching my kid and seeing what works 😂 "food on the plate or in the mouth" for example, works pretty well! Also, if he starts playing around with the food and ignoring me, I ask if he is done and I can take his plate out since he is not eating. Usually works too. For leaving places, what works 90% of the time is not saying "let's go home", but enticing each step (like "let's go see if there are butterflies outside" to leave the building, and "let's get Teddy bear in the car" to enter the car. My kid is very adventurous and looking out for the next thing or activity to do, so this strategy usually works.

My mum always said “be careful” and I know it made me feel anxious. I’ve given my son a lot of physical freedom, from not putting socks on him while indoors, he didn’t were any shoes until he could actually walk, and let him climb on furniture from a very young age while mats were on the floor below. Now he is 2 and a half, and it’s amazing how physically agile he is, he’s so aware of his surroundings, I almost never have to worry about him falling, because he knows his limits and what is/ isn’t safe to do. I’m so proud of him 🥰

Parenting is training of the parent as much as the child if not more so.😊

I’ve been saying “be careful” so much that I joked it would be his first words. Taking these tips to heart ❤

This is so helpful!! I'm a first time Mamma to a 15 month old & I am a nervous wreck but don't want to hinder her exploration or growth. This has been very helpful, I'm even sharing it with her Dad, Lord knows we need pointers like these

I've been practicing my poker face when my toddler throws food. It takes an unbelievable amount of self-control to not react at all and consciously react well to other actions that are favoured. I have been trying to avoid "be careful" too. I try to explain specific dangers to her even if it may not be understood. There's danger everywhere and I have embraced it. You're absolutely right. If we want to keep our kids safe, the best thing we can do is teach them how to navigate a dangerous world themselves. This means we need to do a good job of explaining dangers to them and giving them (some) autonomy to make choices and experience consequences. Then we can be there for them, explain what happened, what they could do in the future and make them feel supported. I think that is a great way to gain their trust. Let them free and provide support as they figure stuff out. We should be mentors not police. Lol

I knew all these but still did all of them. It’s so hard to shake what you faces growing up. Regulating myself is the hardest thing to do

"Not throwing food around is really hard, let me help to stop f*ing doing it"

“Watch your step”: specific instruction to encourage proprioception (awareness of where her body is relative to her environment) and coordination

Me: provides toddler clear instruction Toddler: “I hear and understand your clear instruction, but I choose to ignore it” 😂 Great tips, thank you ❤

You give such good advice! I dont have kids, but I watch so when I'm with my friends and their kids, i know the right way to talk to them

I can relate to this so much. I was ALWAYS told to be careful as a child. I was already a cautious child and I can definitely see how the effects of this on me manifested throughout my life. I've worked hard to overcome fears as an adult and work hard to not pass my fears on to my toddler.

Children need clear instructions and explanations. Great video

Hi Emma, thanks for the helpful tips :) I'm a pre-school teacher and have been working with toddlers for many years. I agree on the third thing you talked about in this video. I'd like to add, that children up to a certain age respond especially to the last thing that is said. So if you say "I don't want you to throw your food", what they hear is "throw your food." So always ending the sentence on what you want them to do does the trick too :) When it comes to Number 1: "Being careful", I disagree with you. Maybe it's a cultural thing but I found the sentence "Be careful" really helpful and working great with the kids. A sentence that really does harm and makes them scared would be something like: "Don't climb too high, otherwise you'll fall and hurt yourself" or "Don't run, you'll trip". Those sentences are like a self-fulfilling prophecy but saying your child to be careful means: "Watch out for yourself too." This way they can find out their own boundaries and see how high they would climb on their own without having you as the constant safety net. I found that children dare way more and are less careful when they trust that the adult is standing right next to them. Thinking the parent will watch over them none stop will give them a false feeling of safety and let's be honest most accidents happen because we don't get to the kids fast enough or look away just for a moment. So making sure they watch out for themselves telling them to be careful is a good thing to do! There is a quote by a German pedagogue who said: "Children develop in the expectations of their caregivers". With expecting them in a positive, caring and loving way to watch out for themselves where they can and trusting they will be safe because they take care you give them room to grow in their autonomy and self-esteem. Of course it always depends on the situation but you as the adult have the knowledge of your child's personality and the situation to judge when there is room for your kid to be without you hovering over them like a helicopter none stop. To number 2 I like to add that anticipation is absolute key! You know as an adult when it's time to go home. You can look far enough into the future. Your kid can't. So when it's time to go, give your child a heads up and fifteen to ten minutes before you have to leave go to them and tell them: "We have to go home soon. You can swing a little more and then we'll go." You let your child play and maybe get everything ready before you go to it again and say: "We have to go now. Let's count to ten and then we're done swinging." You could also establish a certain song you sing or play on your phone when it's time to go home. Giving your child the time to anticipate and not ripping it suddenly out of their play does wonders!!! This by the way is good in any situation like having to go somewhere or needing to clean up :) Thanks for the video!

I recently started questioning myself when I say be careful to my toddler because I know he wouldn’t know how to interpret it. I don’t want him to be too fearful of trying new things. These tips are very useful! Thank you.

Absolutely agree. Empower our kids to overcome challenging situations

I’ve done those at the playground but oddly enough if I got my son to verbally say “bye bye playground!” He was suddenly so much better with parting and didn’t have the lingering whining. It translated into parting other things too, like “bye bye cars” etc if we needed to change tasks or put away toys.

I still get nervous climbing ladders because I was told as a child to be careful because I would most certainly fall. I don't want to pass that on!

I learned from my parents telling me and my siblings "don't that, you're going to get hurt", not to say that (or at least try to avoid saying that) to my now 2yo son. Idk how much credit my wife and I should take from this, but I can see that he's comfortable doing things most kids his age and older are afraid of, and yet he's also learning how to be cautious at the same time.

Never realized what I was doing, thank you for pointing that out. I have an idea for a future video that I'm sure alot of people would be interested in.... how to tell a child about the father they never met because he's just an adult child himself? My grandson just turned 3 & he knows other kids have dads, & it's heartbreaking when he occasionally calls his uncle "dad" & we have to correct him. My parents divorced when I was 1, so I have an idea of the kind of trauma he'll be dealing with, as I'm 53 now & that divorce still affects me every day.

6:57 it also helps that you tell them a little in advance instead of surprising them that we’re leaving now all of a sudden.

Your videos are always so informative and helpful, as a mama of a toddler I so appreciate this information. Thank you!

Maybe we need to start teaching this stuff in school? I’ve looked into parent classes (too expensive) and I feel there should be something to help.

When I do say "be careful" I always try to explain why at the same time (i.e. "be careful, it's slippery right there."). But I do need to be better at this. Some kids it affects more than others - I have one more naturally cautious child and I absolutely have to be careful not to just say that. And I hate when parents do the second one.... you're also teaching them to ignore you until you start threatening. And with food throwing... 99% of the time it's because they are done and board.... right now when my 1-year-old does this, I help him to sign "all done" and take him out of his chair.

I have a 4 week old and will be printing this guide out and handing it to my husband and the grand parents and any caregivers! Thank you for it!

Thank you Emma. This is exactly what I needed

With regards to "be careful", in my opinion parents are using it so often that it stops to work. And then when you really have to alert your kid to be careful they don't react anymore to this phrase. But what you said Emma perfectly describes my friend's daughter. My friend was constantly telling her "be careful" and tbh I find her daughter to be anxious and afraid of exploring. There are several reasons for that of course but I am sure the constant "be careful" had also a great impact on it.

I keep reminding my toddler to 'pay attention to what you are doing'. it seems to solve so many safety issues if they would just pay attention to what they are doing. My toddler also responds to warnings like 'you can either swing or go down the slide one more time before we go'.

This is brilliant! Thanks Emma!

Of course each case is different and anedotical reference is no proof of anything, but my experience with my son, I always told him to be careful and still do, I guess I always tell him what can happen, like you can fall and hurt yourself, but regardless he is extremely brave and is way ahead of any child his age that I have seen, hes not even three and he can climb higher than any other child his age, he can do front flips withou putting his head on the ground, he can play footbal with older children 4 and 5 years old as well as they do. So I don't know if I did it in a different way as what shes explaining on the video, but it worked for us.

I was just saying be careful today, so the timing of this is perfect 👍

Thank you so much Emma for helping me more than anyone else during my parenting journey

This is really helpful content.

Thank you Emma for sharing your knowledge; your are helping parents and TEACHERS. I´m definitely going to use your tips in the classroom.Thank you very much 🙏

Avoiding the "be careful" is great advice. I don't necessarily agree with the second point on giving 100% support for the child when stopping an activity they like, we make "soft cottonwool" humans that way. After trying supportive ways I feel like something more strict can also help them realise people won't always support them and they need to understand compromises.

I'll say "be careful, watch your hands" or "be careful, watch your head". I'll definitely try your tips.

Excellent advice. These learning tools would help so many new parents and thier children. It would be great if they were shown at the pediatricians office while parents were waiting for their child's check up and also in hospital waiting room.

I’ve noticed my toddler (1.5) does not understand the word “wait” which is so tough. Also on another note, when my toddler is having a tantrum my trick is saying something like “will you be a good girl?” And she gets very excited because she cares very much when I tell her she’s being a good girl. Every time I say “good girl” she completely lights up and is proud of herself. So during tantrums I try to bring that up and sometimes it helps. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing though 😅 I’m a single mom and she’s my only child.

شكرا الك

GREAT VIDEO!!! THX

5:00 only works on toddlers that actually care about you leaving. I think i tried that twice while leahing the playground once it got no reaction and the other time i got a wave goodbye. Didn't try a third time.

Thank you❤

Oh God the throwing of food, it drives me NUTS and she knows it. It's soooooo hard to not react, but this video clarified things.

I have been an infant/toddler teacher for many years. I always say that “NO” doesn’t work. To keep food on the table, that’s exactly what I say - “ plate/food stays on the table”. It works 100% of the time. The trick is to convince parents that it works 100% of the time 😂😂!

It is painful to watch parents "leave" their children, but it is even worse to experience. My mom always did that, pretending to leave (I even ended up in a couple of dangerous situations because I was left alone), she would also tell me to leave the house in the middle of the night when I wasn't behaving. She would pretend dressing me up as if I was to be kicked out. When I grew older and these tricks no longer worked she started threatening me with an orphanage. I know now that she never meant to abandon me, all just manipulation, but I believed her as a child and it was awful. 😢

I have a 6 month old and will definitely use all these tips when he's a toddler. I agree about not telling them I'm leaving you. I witnessed a mum with a toddler say this to him when I was out a few days ago and he broke down in tears as she walked away and I felt so sad for him.

I needed this video ❤

I am constantly saying be careful since he start walking, and I want my son at this moment come to reality for a moment(from his imagination or thoughts) and assess situation(simply focus his attention on potential danger. Usually I am pointing or mentioning what he need to watch out. He is crazy adventurous (even more than I wish, as result he been in urgent care or ER already 5 times). Most of the time if it minor risk and I know he unlikely do something wrong I am letting him proceed (like with stick). If he injured/cries later - I am calmly explain how few minutes ago Dad said be careful and mention risk - this is a moment we I believe my son learns the most. IMO phrase itself is harmless and useful. The emotion/intonation - that what matter. If dad firmly said be careful - it won't make kid anxious.

When our almost 2 year old attempts to climb the stairs by himself, we just tell him to 'wait for me'. Over time he seems to have come to think of it as a fun shared activity, to the point where he just patiently waits on the bottom step until either one of us gets there. And even though he's like a little monkey, he hasn't climbed the stairs without supervision once.

I never said I'd leave without my child, but for my older one it worked to wave goodbye together as an infinite sign mummy wants to leave. Now my second one (26 months) usually starts crying and I never know it is for the leave or because he thinks I'd leave him. Any advice on how to handle this? Maybe also from a fellow mama? Nothing like expressing the feelings, setting a timer et cetera works and he is too heavy for me to carry him.

Our toddler is very apprehensive when trying new things and risk adverse, something I recognize from myself as a child. Do you have any advice on how to encourage him to try new experiences or take risks?

My preschooler will reply "I AM!" to "be careful." That's all i need. I say, "good. I believe in you." And her response to, "maybe I'll go by myself" is usually a calm, sincere, doubtful, "would you really?" Or "you wouldn't, really?" And i say, "nope. But we need to move on now"

Thanks

@emmahubbard do you have any phrases for twins when leaving. Often I have them running in opposite directions.

Non-bluff version of "bye I'm leaving": "Daddy will be right back. Just going to buy some milk..." 😅

Absolutely roaring at the stock clip of the kid playing with a laptop at 8:30 Not sure that’s what was meant by “playing with power points” but I am loving it

One phase I use a lot when my kids are climbing is "use your hands". That way they have more points of contact and they're less likely to fall.

That was excellent. Will be trying that on my husband!

It's so hard to break the "be careful" and "No! Stop!" habit. 😅 I mean I know it will be fine that I don't always remember but sometimes I'm just surprised how hard some of these old habits are to break...

My 11 month old is in the throwing food stage and yes he *laughs* at my reactions. Thanks for the tip

I live in Japan, and this happens so often here! I swear I’ve seen SO many parents that excessively use two phrases on their kids: “it’s dangerous (あぶない)” and “stop it (やめて)”. Every time I hear that I genuinely wanna tell them “stop making your child into a coward!”, though obviously I always restrain myself from actually doing it. 😅

"please be careful near that edge, I don't want you to fall down"

This generally makes sense. I'm curious if it's backed data or if it's more of an anecdotal set of ideas.

Can you please do a video on sharing toys? We’re having a struggle!

I find explaining why something isnt safe - example ny daughter holding a charger cord - it take it off her and say this isnt safe for you to have as it could badly hurt if you put it on your mouth, it is mummas job to keep you safe. Is this too much? My daughter is 2. If im not in the right headspace to say all of that i usually redirect and give her somethkng else to hold and say "this cord isnt safe for you to hold" I will also hold off saying this until shes settled down once I've given her a cuddle and vslidated how frustrating it was that i took something away.

It was not until my 2 y.o. son was able to say it that I've learned his babysitter was telling him slider is dangerous, literally. Every time I offered him to slide down, he would deny the idea. One day, he said, "No, it is dangerous . - 😮 "Why? I am here to catch you!" - "Nanny said so". Yes, it is very convenient, to just forbid any activity when you're in charge of someone's kid. But it was definitely not what I asked for and what I'd support.

Any advice for a 4-year old that's heard almost exclusively "Be careful" and is now struggling with the effects you mentioned?

What do you do if others are using these phrases or other parenting style with your kids. For example I notice my daughter vibes home repeating phrases she heard at daycare kind "be careful" and "I'm sorry" (she says sorry for things she shouldn't be sorry for, like falling or accidentally walking into an object). She's only 2 so I'm really struggling to find the appropriate level of language to describe "when" to say I'm sorry or how to be safe. Like I don't even know what words to use that she'll understand. I myself find it hard to find alternatives to be careful when she's about to do something unsafe.

Great video! Thank you! What about phrases like: watch you head? Or watch your step?

Yes its good to let children make decisions their knowledge and judgement about self care is superior to an adult and their feelings are more important than their needs

I never say just "be careful". Seems quite uninformative to me, so I say things like "be careful not to fall" or "be careful not to break anything/hurt anyone", but even more often I rather say "step here and grab here" or "let's use that stick to draw a sun in the dirt like this". I'm always there with my daughter anyway so guiding her seems like a natural thing to do. Besides, I like to climb and have all kinds of fun too, so sharing the fun is the way for me. :D

When our toddler would keep throwing food, we would just take it away for a short while. She would typically do it whenever she was not hungry anymore anyway.

After 3 broken arms , a broken wrist, a broken leg, and multiple other injuries I don't think telling them to be careful is my children's problem but could totally see this advicebeing valid for timid children. Yall might not actually walk away from you kids but I think my kids are convinced I would. Act like a crazy kids and they can go to home. How bout if you throw your food then I take the food away completely. Sounds more effective. I have 8 children. 3 are grown. Even my 19 year old makes 80 grand a year. And I got a plumber and a college graduate. Never been to the police station yet. Got another graduating this year. Already has an internship and a scholarship to be an industrial electrician. I never whooped them. Barely ever even raised my voice. But they knew the deal. Firm and fair. But these are boys. I got girls who are 9 and 10. We will see

Currently our issue is 20mo feeds herself one movement then next throws another handful to the side for our dogs to eat. "Eat your food." I say often I try ignoring too. Allow her to throw her food on floor if she eats some every other toss. " The dogs don't need extra food" It's really cute when she seems to not want to eat but will try to feed us with a smile, we let her feed us and okay now you eat some. Seems like a phase just our kid will throw half her food on the floor. At a restaurant we now figure not to get her anything for her and just feed her the fresh hot bread since she will sit there and eat it 😊 We have an occupational therapist (delayed wasnt at 18 month milestones and early intervention reasons) come to our home once or twice a month and play group twice a month that has helped the past few months.

I found myself jokingly telling my husband he doesn’t have to cry and it’s all good the other day. He wasn’t crying, he was yawning which is why he had tears in his eyes from yawning. And I was like oh boy, that came way too naturally, I should absolutely not say that to my kids later 🙈

My Mom always told me to 'stop and think' before I did anything and now I struggle with analysis paralysis and struggle to be spontaneous.

Saying “do you feel Safe” is not a good substitute. By saying this your toddler will think “ why? Am I not safe?

If my son comes to me for help with something I know he can handle, I'll simply say, "you've got this; you know what to do. But I'm here if you need me". Sometimes, something as basic as weather-related footware can affect their confidence in the playground (boots over sneakers).

I’ve introduced the stick to my Todd as soon as he was confidently walking around :) Countless “WTF!😮?” on my guests faces, seeing the 18mo fishing toys under the fridge with a meter long stick 😂 Hilarious!

❤❤❤

Emma, please, please help :). I have twins 4,5 y. o. and a 3 y.o.son. When they are together, they are unmanageable... What one starts, the rest of them do. For example, in the morning they just don't want to go to the Pre-K and day care. They just say they don't want to go, not dressing, just lies in beds or running around and playing. It takes so many energy to get them out, I have to dress each of them, thought they know how to do that, etc. What to do? :( Need to leave the playground, running away, I physically can't pick them all up. I am just tired all the time to talk and make up what nice is expecting home, it takes min 10 min to interest them. I don't have any other choice as to leave, then they run... What to do? :((( Thank you!!!

I say it to my husband all the time, so I'm using these tips to help my communication with him too! 😂😂😂😂😂

Many parents just dont want to deal or cannot deal with hospital bills when something bad happens with their baby

My favorite thing to say to my grandchildren if they fall is, “rub some dirt in it”. They very rarely get hurt and quit crying.

I have said no so so many times that my son doesn't say dad dad anymore and calls me no no, lol

Can you link to the research indicating the negative impact of these phrases please

When picking up an angry writhing toddler who’s having a tantrum because they don’t want to leave, BE CAREFUL. 😂❤

Emma, my 6 months old fell off the adult cot in sleep, I don't see any injuries outside, it's 15 hours now and he is active as normal. Shud I get a MRI test . Please do let me know

normally the playgrounds are for kids from 3 years old, is perfect indicated by the manufacturers, so the first thing for caregivers is learn to READ. there are now a non sense anxiety among parent to develop genius and aeronautic engineers between 6 and 24 months old.

Your monstera at the back lacks proper lighting and I can tell it has a bad soil. You are struggling on how to properly water it, just by looking at the yellowing of the leaves.

At a park one day a parent told a child ‘be careful you will fall!’ Yup the child fell as the parent interrupted their concentration. Since Covid the amount of ‘stay safe’ I hear daily is so frustrating. I live by ‘a ship is safer in the harbour but that’s not what it is built for.’ People are supposed to take risks. Yes teach children but don’t build in unexplained fear.

any evidence to support this assertion that "be careful" has all of these unintended negative consequences? would love to see some studies on this, though my guess is there's no way to reliably test it. i constantly tell my 4 year old to be careful, and honestly, she just often parrots it back to me "careful!" or "okay daddy!" with a typically cheerful tone.. definitely doesnt take it to heart with a sense of fear.. and it definitely doesnt stop her from attempting anything.. just makes her aware that danger does exist, and maybe its wise to hold on a little tighter or whatever it may be. This is obviously just anecdotal, and so can be taken with a grain of salt. But I really see no clear logical reason as to why a simple phrase could have all of the suggested negatives. My guess is the toddler, as I remember doing myself as a kid, just takes it as the parent expressing concern for them.. caring about their safety etc.. and uh mostly, they'll just ignore it

Lol i let my son do stuff after he gets hurt then i say be careful lol

It's not like they're telling their kid to F off 😂

Gosh parenting is so harrrrd

If I'm saying I'm leaving 5hey Don follow doesn't even work

But everything new IS potentially dangerous.

Respectfully disagree with the perspective shared in video. It’s OK to say things to get the toddler to stop and it’s in their best interest. Everybody has their own method and there is no absolute right way.

My love and care IS conditional actually. I dont want a troublesome child who can challenge me because i cant set boundaries. So much coddling here