Three factors: 1. Sincere love 2. Genuine respect 3. Open communication Everything else follows.

Me and my wife have been together for 18 years and just got back together three days ago after being separated for 6 months. Divorce was on the docket but we are doing our best to keep this from happening. Things are definitely looking up but it's still very challenging but it seems to get better every day. We have three children, 2 boys with autism (17 & 3) and our baby girl with Down Syndrome. Our daughter with Down Syndrome had two open heart surgeries fairly recently at 5 months old, then a pacemaker installed. She also has Hirschsprung's disease which led to her having a colostomy bag installed at five days old. She has several more surgeries to go. If I can say this to anyone, I would tell you do what you need to do to make it work. Sometimes you need to suck it up. You can't be fickle. Fight for your family. People say you shouldn't stay together for your children, well that's fine. But if you still love each other as well as your children and are split due to circumstances or tragedies that have put you in a state of constant depression, stress, about everything you can imagine in this situation like this, then you must come together and not give up. You must keep moving forward and keep on fighting. Many other people have it a lot easier or a lot worse than me/us but I've certainly come out of the other side a lot more knowledgeable and appreciative of my wife and all the things our family is capable of when we are a team instead of constantly at odds and bickering. We are learning to get along again and not take our stress out on each other and our kids get to enjoy both of their parents as well. This is what it's all about. For all of you going through tough times out there, keep your chin up and like I said, don't stop fighting, don't lose hope, never lose hope. If you truly care about the other person you're married to, you can't lose hope and you need to keep fighting. If you don't, then it's time to pack it up and move on. But if you love her or him, keep fighting, HARD! A little patience and understanding and reassurance to your spouse goes a long ways. GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL! 💪👊

Summary of video: 1. Marry later in life (higher education, higher income, brain changes till 25 years, personality at 30 correlates to personality at 50) 2. Share power over decisions (men who can be influenced are 'better', women tend to be more influence-able) 3. Have a reliable partner (someone who does what they say they are going to do, someone who steps up to help you feel cared for and protected)

If you are new to a marriage, please understand that you will struggle in the beginning. You both need time. Time to just live out issues together and try working them out in different ways. Being new to this, you may not know how he/she will react to certain things.. Please do not give up!

A good, strong marriage is the absolute best thing in the world. The problem is the world is currently doing everything it can to make it impossible.

Having a partner that supports you on your journey to success can have a big influence! I found this very valuable! ❤

getting married is something that you can always go for it ,but staying as a couple is an art.

Marriage is about 1) commitment and doing all duties 2) discipline 3) social intelligence to know how to talk and behave in different situations 4) patience

What a great talk! "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. “True love is not a hide and seek game, True love both partners seek each other”

Often ignored piece of advice: Don't be emotionally dependent on your partner and/or don't be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally dependent on you. I don't mean emotionally attached; that's different (and positive). I mean thought processes along the lines of 'My partner is the reason I'm not in a state of depression or suicidal thoughts' or 'I'm not a productive member of society without my partner'.

Great talk, especially if you're not married yet. It really puts all the insecurities you develop while thinking about marriage into words

I am a 39 year old male and I found happiness with my wife who is 40 years old 10 years ago. We met when i was completing my PhD and she was a graduate student. She divorced an incompetent man wherein made her miserable. We are so compatible and I thank God for her. She is everything, I mean everything i ever wanted in a woman. I do my best for her. Well, what i am trying to say it's all about trust. We even share online accounts, everything is transparency within us. I think it's where it all starts. Respect and transparency.

best way to build a happy marriage is to bake together. baking is the secret. trust me. bake breads that require lots of kneading and processes. try variations of french baguettes.

God is the reason why I'm still married. My wife and I struggled a lot in our first 3 years of marriage. We hated each other and weren't happy. However, every time I thought about divorce, I feared breaking God's heart and his commandment. I was willing to be unhappy in marriage yet pleased to obey God. Fast forward to today, my wife and I are still married at 14 years and host marriage classes at our church. Our marriage is a blessing and we truly are happy now...it all started with God though.

Probably one of the most thoughtful comment sections I’ve seen on youtube. Cheers to the informed, analytical and skeptical - millennials or otherwise!

The subject is important not only to those looking to get married, but also to really anyone looking for a relationship. You both have to treat each other well if you want it to be lasting and meaningful, that’s the bottom line really.

My biggest advice would be - don’t even consider getting married before you got your life figured out and is doing what you love and get paid for it. Some might say “most people never get their life figured out.” Or “most people don’t make their dreams come true.” Well, don’t get married ever than. That might be the best thing in this case. Realize this - nobody should ever push you to do anything in your life. When you wake up in the morning - it’s your own self and the life you’ve built for yourself is what you should grow to love or be forever miserable because of. So be focused on mission, trying to make lives better and grow as a human being. Then, only then if you really really want this - go and get married.

I honestly don't agree about your mind not changing after 25. When I was 25, I thought I was immortal and i thought I knew everything . Now I'm 30, and realized I don't know much of anything and am still learning.

You forgot two terribly significant things. One is that you barely touched at all on the importance of sacrifice and giving. The other is that two people who marry young, in other words make commitments of the utmost importance to each other at a very young age, have the opportunity to grow and learn and develop TOGETHER. What a beautiful thing oh, what a beautiful opportunity, and how sad when people wait till later in life to get married when they're hard and relatively inflexible and so much more set in their ways. Is that the time to learn to be generous and giving and willing to sacrifice of oneself, or is it better to learn/develop those attributes When we are young and--as you pointed out--still learning and growing? I believe the latter.

"Youre with her because you respect her. Make sure that plays out in the decision making process" Really stuck with me.

This is probably the most accurate and powerful message that I would deliver to all of the young people who so hurry to get married and have babies. I agree with the speaker, these two are the most important decisions we make in life and need to be approached with careful consideration and thought.

Easy! Don’t cheat , don’t lie , keep responsibilities 50/50. Do those things and you’ll both never have an issue ! Works for me and my wife after 16 years , and we are still happy!

"The first thing you wanna get before you get married is older"... this is gold. In African communities you are shamed if as a female, you are passed 27 and are not married yet. God forbid you reach 30 and you are still single, then everybody thinks something is wrong with you. Your family starts putting pressure on you and that's how many end up just marrying the first guy who proposes and looks like he has a little bit of money. I'll let you guess how things will go down the line. And as if that wasn't enough, you are considered a failure if you get divorced. Then women just get stuck in these dysfunctional marriages where they are abused just to keep up appearances and save face.

After five years of marriage i found out the one thing that makes marriage difficult is financial struggle, its not like my husband and i aren’t making money it’s just we barely have time for each other and there’s no amusement or new event it’s just work and the kids and that was fine but i wanted more..then i heard of a financial advisor on the radio who basically makes money for me and right now i have close to 100grand with her in my portfolio. now we pay for our vacation without breaking a sweat or losing sleep

A perfect marriage isn’t a textbook ideal that all couples should strive for. Instead, your idea of a perfect marriage depends on your own needs, ideals, and relationship. I believe, there are a few elements that help a marriage to be harmonious and stand a better chance at being as near to perfect as possible: - Great Communicators - Slow to Anger, Quick to Forgive - Don’t Go to Bed Angry

*Marriage is like a rollercoaster, strap yourself in & hang on for the ride of a lifetime. You'll experience lots of twists & turns... ups & downs & @ times you'll swear your life was just turned upside down. Once things settle down & your feet are back on the ground, you'll say "wow what a thrill"...let's do that again!*

"We must remember that because a man and a woman have a marriage certificate and living in a home, it does not follow that that is a real home. Perhaps it is a place of discord and hate. When a child is present and the parents do not know the law of life, it is better to break up such a union than have the mood of hate stifle the mind of the child. Many times a child's life and mind are dwarfed by the mood of the parents which result in neurosis, crime, etc. It is far better for a boy to live with one parent who loves him then to live with two who hate each other and fight all the time. The question frequently arises, "should I get a divorce?" This is an individual problem. It cannot be generalized. In some cases divorce is not the solution anymore than marriage is the solution for a lonely man. Divorce might be right for one person and wrong for another. A divorced woman may be far more noble and Godlike than many of her sisters who are living a lie rather than face the truth. In many instances marriage is a sham and a farce. The usual excuses and Alibis to cover up or that it would be bad for John's business, or the neighbors might talk, or it is bad politics, etc. This of course is making a mockery of marriage." - Joseph Murphy

I agree with you 100%. I learned from my past. Now I always strive to be the best version of myself. Thank you so much!!!

Keep sweetness flowing always and learn to compromise whenever misunderstanding arises. Never end the day with unresolved issues. Keep love flowing and intimacy must always present wherever.

I wish there was more applause for his statements. Particularly @ 8:10

Interesting information to know ; preparing ahead of time is so paramount.

Thank you.

I’m 19 now and Whenever I go to someones wedding in my family, it makes me feel skeptical when someone from my family tells me, one day you will find someone to marry and I would say that’s if I find someone to marry, it easier said then done. Most of the girls during my time in school love being with men my age who have good looks, good cars, good money, and good houses to take care of their women. Most of the women I mentioned before ignore good mens blessings and good qualities they offer. I don’t know if there’s a woman who would love to be with a man like me who has nothing.

wow...the last part of his speech 👏

I Really Liked Hits way to Talk and how he approached the topic. Nice Video. It Catched me.

Bless this man

Get older before you get married Be Influenceable Be Reliable - have your partner's back ...This really needs to be in the description. It doesn't steal the thunder, it makes the points easier to remember later.

Moral of the story is "Prevention is better than the Cure."💕

blessed content. favorited and saved for multiple later consumption

One of the best ted talks! Dr. George Blair-West is my favourite

Its really dumb to get married in my opinion. Numbers never lie. Look at divorce rate and tell me if you are dumb enough to do it

I preached this in my 20s....and my peers scoffed. Thought I was being shallow and judgmental with potential partners. I’m glad my thinking is validated. It’s so hard finding someone good. I’m hoping this will change in my 30s.

Always take care for each other.

Wonderful, educational!

I love this, couldn’t have came at a better time.

1) trust 2) loyalty 3) respect

Sooo true! I was blessed in this regard.

i like the way he 's explained..

1.older 2.respect 3.reliability

What a toxic comment section. This isn't about political ideologies, this is about learning to make a marriage work. That's on both people, if it's gotten to the point where one person holds everything above the others head, including divorce, whether or not you're married, you've gotten into a toxic relationship. Everyone loses something in a marriage, men lose some stability, women lose some stability. It's about learning to lean on each other and learn to trust another person. Yall need to get off your political high horses and learn to think critically.

very true and indeed good information

best way to build a happy marriage, is to marry your purpose. it will never divorce you

The relationship is over when there is contempt!

Exercise and don't turn into a whale

So informative

It is so important to understand the fundamentals of marriage. I started dating my husband when we were 14 years old and have been together ever since. We now have one beautiful baby girl. I made a video of our marriage secret sauce too :)

In Russia, where I'm from, single women aged 25+ get questions like "What, are you still single?" from relatives and parents' friends so often it's infuriating - and it really does begin to get on one's nerves, even if you know that you did good not getting married to the men you used to date. Finally, thanks to this talk, I can stop being bullied into thinking single at 36 is not ok. Thank you George Blair and TED!

Never get married. Yeah no, I cannot share. I hate sharing, and I get pissed when I can't control. I have no interest in caring for someone else. I guess in general is because, I hate people, I'm disappointed by humans. I can't trust them, I have no interest in people, I don't like talking or interacting with people. See, i only want someone around here and there.

I agree with this man 💯

Another alogrithm fail. Im not interested in marriage currently. Im single. Im only into feminine women. Im a targeted individual, and the attempts of putting havoc into my life presents problems in my dating life. I need to be selfish when theres a concerted effort in attempting to ruin my life. Im Independent not on any political plantations.

*One day we will be dead. But today I’ll give it my best not to blame, complain, drain. Today I’ll give my best not to regret or forget. @*

I don't believe that divorce avoidance should be the top priority here, but one's happiness. If you've put in a large amount of effort into making things work and it doesn't seem the relationship can be salvaged, it's okay to let it go. Probably better for everyone's emotional and mental health too.

Learned a lot from this channel, thanks for your sharing

Good stuff

In our 20s, we go through the toughest times of our life. We need to find people in these times. Yes the relationship may last longer after 30s because you both earn high and you dont have problems to deal with and probably because you both have independent life by then and the bond will never be as deep as the people who fall in love in their 20s. To summarize, IMO, relationship in 20s is very deep because they go through hardship together but after 30s, the relationship is not that deep. And yes respect is more important than love in ANY RELATIONSHIP.

I think successful marriage depend on ( positive communication) Mainly Which means (Good listening , speaking) And it is the opposite of not caring how the other person feel or wants , abusing, shutting down others, making orders, not being corporative etc.) Happy Marriage is a positive teamwork

What works for me and the spouse is we both have our own careers and paying bills isn't really a problem. We live in one of the biggest cities in the US so it hasn't been an issue for us both to find upward career mobility. It seems like all our friends are dual career couples (mostly engineers married to engineers) and there's been 0 divorces, were all in our early to mid 30s. There's so much less stress in life when you're not worried about how to pay bills and both partners feel like they have freedom to pursue their own passions.

I discovered your video on Secret fixer blueprint - there's many good videos there that may help out

Here for the tips! Love TED ❤️

The best solution is to avoid marriage in the first place. Especially as a man.

Please try to add subtitles for better understanding..

I like how he mentioned influential men tend to become good fathers as an argument for getting married late. Totally forgets to mention how the older you get after the age of 28, give or take, the harder it is to have children and a family.

I approve everything, that my house ingests/use.

Right on the money. I hear this all the time. Anyone getting married before 25, getting an education, and getting the job you want typically fail within 3 to 10 years. Always a small percentage that actually lasts til old age.

I dont know why anyone even tries to have a relationship... I gave up on having one years ago and it is amazing! I guess it is not for everyone, I have always been very introverted so I am totally fine without a man... But most women I know all want a man, yet they never seem happy when they are in a relationship... I never met a truly happy couple where both partners were really happy together, one or both of them usually are pretending for some reason (like kids)... I think everyone should learn to be happy and content on their own...

Thank you for this encouraging word. I feel much better now. I'm 45 and preparing myself to the best wife ever

The ultimate 100% success rate 'life-hack' to prevent divorce - don't get married! Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back 🤣

3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce: 1. Get older before you get married 2. Be influence-able 3. Reliability - have your partner's back

Useful 😍😍😍

Amazing and soo true every word 😍👏 I’m happy 1 year married and we expecting our baby 🙏😇

All marriages i know are miserable beyond belief, yet everyone pretends to be fine. Its confusing.

A huge request to the authors of the channel, please turn on the Russian subtitles. There is no place for sanctions in scientific works! Thank!

Nice talk

Strange that what should matter the most in people´s lives seems to be underpriotized, sometimes they don´t even seem to care at all.

Relationship is over when there is contempt!

*praises millennials* Go on...

Unfortunately I have trust issues very strong. I grew up like that and no one helped me for so many years. Until I got in a relationship I noticed how how mess I was. It's never been easy, probably I would never learn to trust a man in my life.

when will you add Russian subtitles?

sound good, but why do i need to get married?

Lifelong happy marriage is a worthy goal!

thanks for specifying that this is happy marriage no divorce, can somebody guide me to the happy marriage with divorce tutorial?

Awesome 👍👍👍👍

The best way to avoid an unhappy marriage is to get an education and make lots of money. Then you are in a milieu that rarely divorces since most marriage arguments in couples heading for divorce are about money.

Where is death of a child on the list?

A lot ppl think marriage is like the happily ever after and will Make them happy , but the reality is, it’s the beginning of true and real love

thank you. when I meet my future husband, I know how to save the relationships⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

If you're watching this, then it's already too late

The best advice: "Don't marry" - Al Bundy

Love ur third point reliability I cannot depend on some men. They r reliable to their friends than their own spouse at times.

3 ways of the speaker are 1) Getting married when you are older 2) Respect and 3) Make sure that your partner have your back and be reliable (and vice versa). I get his points but I think Ted Talk speakers nowadays tend to get lazy on research. This speaker only mentions one study to back up his claim. It's too few to make a solid point. I need Ted Talk speakers, from now on, do more researches, study more, dig deeper, investigate much harder before coming on stage and declare your "theory" as if they are "the facts".