31 Jokes for NERDS!

Рет қаралды 3,338,247

13 жыл бұрын

In which Hank tells some seriously nerdy jokes. Harry Potter, theoretical physics, Star Trek, Star Wars, Chemistry, Engineering, Philosophy, Math, Computer Science...it's all fair game.
I chose 31 because I knew I wasn't going to hit 50 and I wanted to do a prime number.
Nerd Jokes in Your Pants: yourpants.org/showthread.php?2...
I made this video before Humpy Hank became a thing...but something tells me that humpy hang is going to become more of a thing soon.
Other Jokes:
50 More Jokes: • 50 MORE JOKES in FOUR ...
50 Jokes in 4 Minutes: • 51 Jokes (in Four Minu...
50 Jokes: • 50 Jokes (Yes...actual...
Thanks to everyone who submitted (and continues to submit) jokes. It's been a long time since I've done one of these so I hope you enjoy it.
HERE ARE A LOT OF LINKS TO NERDFIGHTASTIC THINGS:
Shirts and Stuff: dftba.com/artist/30/Vlogbrothers
Hank's Music: dftba.com/artist/15/Hank-Green
John's Books: amzn.to/j3LYqo
======================
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Hank's Facebook: / hankimon
Hank's tumblr: / edwardspoonhands
John's Twitter: / realjohngreen
John's Facebook: / johngreenfans
John's tumblr: / fishingboatproceeds
======================
Other Channels
Crash Course: / crashcourse
SciShow: / scishow
Gaming: / hankgames
VidCon: / vidcon
Hank's Channel: / hankschannel
Truth or Fail: / truthorfail
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Пікірлер: 16 000

@opaldoesnotrhyme 8 жыл бұрын

Two chemists walk into a bar. One of them say, "I'll have H2O." The other one says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender is tired of this joke and gives them both hydrogen peroxide.

@rene.flores9466 7 жыл бұрын

lol!

@marthastokeworth9956 7 жыл бұрын

ariel pink the best version xddd

@anhherrick8704 6 жыл бұрын

Two chemists walk in a bar the first says I'll have H2O, the second says I will also have water. Why, why did you say H2O, I mean I know it's the formula for water and all, but there is no need to over complicate things. They get their drinks and the first scientist is upset his assassination plan didn't work.

@notquiteneutral2590 5 жыл бұрын

Plot twist

@kaidenpeek5959 5 жыл бұрын

Plot twist he mixed concentrated sulfuric acid and hydrogen peroxide and gave them both piranha solution

@francesatty7022 8 жыл бұрын

I hate it when I send a really long text and the other person replies with "K" I'm rarely in the mood to talk about potassium

@francesatty7022 8 жыл бұрын

***** I know right!

@SimulationWithDaniel 7 жыл бұрын

Do you wanna talk about the weather? K Oh, I didn't know that the numbers were gone

@aaditbhatia6551 7 жыл бұрын

And when I say something and the response is "Y", I'm forced to think that this person just lists elements. First potassium, now ytterbium??!?

@albertjackinson 4 жыл бұрын

@Catrin Hughes How'd you do that?

@MariOmor1 3 жыл бұрын

That's nothing, bro. Everytime I post something my friend replies with OMG. Like seriously, why would he talk about oxygen and magnesium?

@hoodiesticks 9 жыл бұрын

Good thing Ohm wasn't on that road trip with Heisenberg and Schrodinger or he would've resisted the charges.

@EiferBrennan 9 жыл бұрын

That was a wonderfully nerdy addition to the Schrodinger and Heisenberg joke, and I'll be adding that the next time I tell it, thank you.

@Georgehanes-GJH105775 9 жыл бұрын

〈-thatguyoverthere Hahah, that one was funny.

@spikesdragon14 9 жыл бұрын

〈-thatguyoverthere OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

@hoodiesticks 9 жыл бұрын

spikesdragon14 *air horn blows*

@spikesdragon14 9 жыл бұрын

〈-thatguyoverthere Hitmarker noises in the background

@SeanRavel 8 жыл бұрын

The cop proceeds to tell Heisenberg; "You where going 180 kph!!!!" Heisenberg says, "Great, now I'm lost!!!"

@sophiaruizuvalle2523 8 жыл бұрын

@Okuni_ 7 жыл бұрын

nice one

@vercingetorix9641 7 жыл бұрын

@earthpcCHClS 7 жыл бұрын

is the where on purpose?

@Aleschu 7 жыл бұрын

@TheSpecialJ11 8 жыл бұрын

A programmer's wife asks him to go to the store. She says "Buy two loaves of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

@project-bl2zz 8 жыл бұрын

+SpecialJ11 Wouldn't he come home with 14 loaves of bread? >Buy 2 loaves of bread >If store contains eggs >>Buy 12 loaves of bread 12 + 2 = 14 loaves of bread

@mrmeatball6806 8 жыл бұрын

+project21124 No, that is not how programming work.

@project-bl2zz 8 жыл бұрын

0mar Ahmed That's exactly how programming works. The first statement is a standalone command. The next is the if statement w/ body

@realrealestateATL 4 жыл бұрын

@@mrmeatball6806 Yes it is, that would be an if-else command.

@emilyparnell4661 4 жыл бұрын

I've heard this with: "Go to the store. While there, get milk." The programmer never came home. (Aka stuck in an infinite loop)

@teresabeaumont5597 8 жыл бұрын

what do Valley girls and odd numbers have in common?They literally can't even.

@zyaicob 6 жыл бұрын

Teresa Beaumont 👏👏

@ZackSussmanMusic 6 жыл бұрын

I️ Love this

@Emily-un1wp 6 жыл бұрын

This is hilarious

@saswatsarangi6669 4 жыл бұрын

Meaning

@achtsekundenfurz7876 3 жыл бұрын

All primes are odd. : If you think about it... : ...2 is a VERY odd prime.

@dm9696 8 жыл бұрын

A logician's wife is giving birth. Afterwards, she asks her husband "is it a boy or a girl?" and the logician replies "yes."

@stephenstark2821 3 жыл бұрын

this is one pun that i didn't understand .. would you please care to explain

@mediocretriplethreat 3 жыл бұрын

@@stephenstark2821 Most people would respond with one or the other, but the logician says yes because it fits the criteria of being either a boy or a girl. I hope that made sense!

@panthopothik6338 3 жыл бұрын

@@stephenstark2821 In boolean logics, 1 or 0 = 1; 1 and 0 = 0; 1 means yes/on. 0 means No/off. So, 1 or 0 is 1. That's why the answer is "yes". That's my interpretation.

@TheOnlyRizzy 3 жыл бұрын

@@stephenstark2821 The question is basically, "is it (a boy or a girl)?". The logician replies yes because the baby is indeed a boy or a girl.

@randompastahandle 3 жыл бұрын

@@stephenstark2821 TLDR. he means that yes the baby is either a boy or a girl. it's like if you asked if the new person playing a game had read to rules or had them explained. you might expect a yes or a no because that is the important thing not witch one. in this case the same sentence type is employed but the expected answer is witch one. the logician doesn't understand that context and in formal logic the sentence would mean the rules one not the baby one.

@catlover-fp5ig 8 жыл бұрын

I came here to tell a chemistry joke. . . But all the good ones argon.

@OfficiallyANerd 8 жыл бұрын

+catlover12670 I would say a chemistry joke... but there would be no reaction.

@robincheng1744 8 жыл бұрын

+catlover12670 Na.

@HO-nw1rn 8 жыл бұрын

+Robin Cheng potassium

@zacharytaylor190 8 жыл бұрын

that was very noble of you

@HO-nw1rn 8 жыл бұрын

Zachary Taylor he does not react

@proWaffles935-FAKE-URL 9 жыл бұрын

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a drink. The bartender says "for you no charge."

@gedsaz 9 жыл бұрын

BAZINGA!

@sterotypednerd 9 жыл бұрын

YES!

@seanliam22 9 жыл бұрын

Haha! Don't know if you knew but that is in Fall Out 3! Your robot butler tells you it in Megaton

@glow262 10 жыл бұрын

i don't always make chemistry jokes but when i do i do it periodically

@lakshen47 10 жыл бұрын

I don't always make chemistry jokes, but it happens periodically.

@Hejswejs 10 жыл бұрын

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

@Leigh_1302 9 жыл бұрын

I told a chemistry joke about the noble gases the other day; it got no reaction.

@xTheVenomGamingx 9 жыл бұрын

Ingrid Ekberg That's a pun. I do suppose, though, a pun could qualify for a joke. *shrugs*

@oiman5733 9 жыл бұрын

Many were jokers like you, then caesium and flourine reacted in your hand.

@petrichor9417 8 жыл бұрын

Why does the chicken walk across the moebius strip? To get to the same side...

@astrogobo1558 8 жыл бұрын

Ba-dum tss

@josielynn6369 7 жыл бұрын

Ayyyyyy

@rileysanderson3824 7 жыл бұрын

Bazinga!

@Emily-un1wp 6 жыл бұрын

My favorite joke here

@BigJohnkrzlfgo 6 жыл бұрын

Bazinga

@OlanKenny 9 жыл бұрын

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? A doyouthinkhesaurus

@Its.Just.Sam.M 9 жыл бұрын

Hahaha For that, I commend you, sir!

@OlanKenny 9 жыл бұрын

My family are full of these.

@OlanKenny 9 жыл бұрын

What do you call a Blind dinosaur's pet dog? Doyouthinkhesawusrex

@OlanKenny 9 жыл бұрын

Which one? My former sister-in-law told me the first, my girlfriend told me the second.

@christinemichele8575 9 жыл бұрын

Olan Kenny lol it was the first one, told by Tim to Dr. Grant.

@georgeking7438 9 жыл бұрын

If the opposite of pro is con, the opposite of progress is congress

@ingenuity23 5 жыл бұрын

Lol true xd 😂

@brayyy846 5 жыл бұрын

That is not true. Are you saying 4! - 2! = 2! No. Just because we have a number( or in you case a word) by adding something to the end does not make them the same thing. Or are you saying 4!/2!=2!. That is also not a correct equation.

@albertjackinson 4 жыл бұрын

@@dweltstorm Really?

@zarinawillows2347 3 жыл бұрын

Some deep shit.

@Acelore 3 жыл бұрын

@@brayyy846 the wordplay aside 4!-2!=2! Is a correct equation though. Except if ! Is a negative number. Unless that was the comparison you were trying to make. If so then nice!

@mitchell2719 9 жыл бұрын

There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors

@crazysquirrel879 7 жыл бұрын

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw a light bulb 2, one to hold the lightbulb and the other to rotate the universe

@youronetruegodcthulhu5043 5 жыл бұрын

I would like that, but the likes are the answer of life, the universe and everything, so...

@kallek919 5 жыл бұрын

... not anymore because someone didn’t think and liked the 43rd time.

@rev.rachel 3 жыл бұрын

Oh this one is very good

@MariOmor1 3 жыл бұрын

How many surrealists does it take to fix a light bulb? 5. One to hold the lightbulb One to tame the giraffe One to get the petrol One to reload the gun and one to practice his operatic voice

@theginginator1488 8 жыл бұрын

Darwin, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. Its Darwin's turn to seek. Pascal runs and hides, while Newton draws a meter by meter square and stands in it. When Darwin stops counting he immediately sees Newton and says "thats no fun!" To which Newton replies "hold on, im one Newton over one square meter! Im a pascal!"

@chibiprussia5574 8 жыл бұрын

+TheGinginator14 I don't get it completely o-o

@aldipeanutz 8 жыл бұрын

+Chibi Prussia lmao me either

@spyro454 8 жыл бұрын

+Chibi Prussia A pascal is a measure of force per meter squared :-)

@chibiprussia5574 8 жыл бұрын

The Digital Haunt Ohhhhh

@ineinerbank 8 жыл бұрын

+TheGinginator14 this one is great

@meg_sz 10 жыл бұрын

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

@kfaison918 8 жыл бұрын

Did you hear the one about oxygen and potassium? No? OK.

@MegaCadette55 8 жыл бұрын

lmao

@joshrobicheau8401 8 жыл бұрын

Lol it would be OK2

@paulhm96 8 жыл бұрын

+josh robicheau nope, its OK or K2O

@wahabihobofilms7427 8 жыл бұрын

Did you heat the one about Sodium? Na, me neither.

@michalisaac9763 8 жыл бұрын

+TheAmazingPotato version #2: Did you hear about the one with the Nobelium and Potassium? No? K...

@AaronPieniozek 8 жыл бұрын

Everyone's chemistry jokes are getting quite a reaction!

@Brandenhurdart 7 жыл бұрын

a man walks into a book store and asks the clerk if they have the book on Pavlov and Schrödinger. the clerk responds " it rings a bell but I'm not sure if we have it or not"

@marius4702 8 жыл бұрын

A student in the classroom says that he's cold. The teacher goes: "Just go at the corner, there's 90 degrees"

@MariOmor1 3 жыл бұрын

I'd rather he just stand by the wall where it's 180 degrees.

@Queencrazy1997 9 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure whether to be sad or proud that I understood 95% of those jokes and pick up lines.

@hollth6770 9 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way :/

@tedsava1800 9 жыл бұрын

@RomrotMechanikos 9 жыл бұрын

You understood 29.5 jokes? How do you understand half a joke :?

@Queencrazy1997 9 жыл бұрын

smh....

@robinchesterfield42 7 жыл бұрын

Yes. Also I did too. :P

@Frihman 9 жыл бұрын

What does the computer nerd to when it's cold inside? He closes his WINDOWS!

@alexturlais8558 9 жыл бұрын

I have a macbook

@millerman1669 9 жыл бұрын

Alexande Turlais i'm sorry

@alexturlais8558 9 жыл бұрын

Blackychann2 JK, it was on my phone. i just wanted to be that arsehole

@wacotablet1055 9 жыл бұрын

Frihman Closing your PC would actually lower the room temperature by a small amount.

@Georgehanes-GJH105775 9 жыл бұрын

Frihman Must also switch to Linux. I strongly dislike Windows haha. Though I am sure you meant windows as in the ones you minimize.

@kallieparsons9560 9 жыл бұрын

A blind guy walks into a bar......and a table, and a couch, and a wall, and a door.

@acegardner2966 9 жыл бұрын

Kallie Parsons This. THis.

@coldbrrains 8 жыл бұрын

@alspezial2747 4 жыл бұрын

a blind person will be triggered after reading this

@segmentsAndCurves 3 жыл бұрын

@@alspezial2747 Luckily, they won't.

@indianathe3rd742 3 жыл бұрын

@@segmentsAndCurves will

@annietrinity1833 8 жыл бұрын

I tell everyone Portal is my favorite game franchise. My friend said, "Oh really? Is the story any good?" I said, "Well I'm not gonna lie; the characters are engaging, but the plot is full of holes" No? TOO awful? Ok, well here's one my mom's ex told me: After the revolution, a priest, a lawyer, and an engineer are lined up for the guillotine. The executioner tells the priest he can choose whether her wants to face up or down when he's killed. The priest says he wants to be facing God when he dies, so he lies down face-up. The executioner pulls the lever, the blade comes down three feet, and then stops. The astonished mob decides that this is an act of divine intervention, and spares the holy man. Next is the Lawyer; he's given the same ultimatum. Looking to seize any and all possible outs, the lawyer chooses to face upwards too. Sure enough, the blade comes down three feet, and stops. The crowd decides the lawyer must be holy too, so he's let go. Figuring what worked for the last two will probably work for him, the engineer opts to face up as well. Just before the executioner pulls the lever, the engineer yells "WAIT! I see where it's getting stuck!"

@Mercure250 8 жыл бұрын

+Annie Trinity Engineers will always be engineers. Even when facing death.

@Michelle-fm8dg 4 жыл бұрын

My. Goodness.

@achtsekundenfurz7876 3 жыл бұрын

> The crowd decides the lawyer must be holy too Funnier than the actual punchline

@SilverWave64 9 жыл бұрын

"Knock knock!" - "Who is there?" - "Doctor!" - "Doctor Who?" - "Exactly!" ;)

@pastachaos 9 жыл бұрын

No, just The Doctor...

@Sara-xq4zj 9 жыл бұрын

Nina Majcenovic I hate it when people correct this... because it's correct both ways xD. It just depends on when you started watching Doctor Who. In the older episodes he was actually referred to as "Doctor Who" I hear. That said, I used to get annoyed a bit annoyed when I heard "Doctor Who" instead of "The Doctor" as well.

@pastachaos 9 жыл бұрын

Sara Potter Sorry, didn't know that.. I thought The Doctor was his title and Doctor Who was the name of the series or a question :p

@Sara-xq4zj 9 жыл бұрын

haha, it's fine, I say "hate" lightly. And it's easy to not know since it's not something they do anymore.

@Bl_ss_m 9 жыл бұрын

Ending wouldnt be that I think he just refers to himself as the doctor

@Okuni_ 8 жыл бұрын

how can we tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to say unionized

@mysteryman7877 8 жыл бұрын

I am the chemist. When I first heard the joke, I couldn't figure out /YÜN-yun-īzd/.

@Okuni_ 8 жыл бұрын

Union-ized Un-ionized

@sharishua5525 8 жыл бұрын

@sophiaruizuvalle2523 8 жыл бұрын

@davidstorrs 7 жыл бұрын

I love it. Sadly, this joke cannot be told. Which is good, as humor should be free.

@marcelosinico 9 жыл бұрын

A neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says: For you, no charge. A neutrino walks into a bar and leaves the bar. No body senses it. The bartender says: We don't serve tachyons here. A tachyon walks into a bar. A schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't. A proton walks into a bar. The bartender says: For you it's all positive. A fermion walks into a bar. The bartender says: Just half for you. A dark matter walks into a bar. The bartender knows just by the tip. A eletron walks into a bar. The bartender says: You can probably sit there, there, and there . A photon walks into a bar. The bartender says: You have no matter here.

@jhonli939 5 жыл бұрын

Antimatter walks into a bar. The bartender and everyone in the bar blows up.

@shivamsahu1371 2 жыл бұрын

This is awesome..❤️

@koppadasao 10 жыл бұрын

The glass is neither half-full or half-empty. It is actually always full. The part of the glass that isn't filled with water, is filled with air.

@graceforpr6256 10 жыл бұрын

I need to tell my science teacher that!

@CryHavoc21 10 жыл бұрын

But, wait, what if the glass of water is contained in a vacuum?

@koppadasao 10 жыл бұрын

Cry Havoc Then the glass would be empty of both air and water.

@koppadasao 10 жыл бұрын

***** Because I am. Not North Korea, Asia, but North Korea, Europe, the country formerly known as Norway.

@andrewroseman3359 10 жыл бұрын

Koppa Dasao No, it would, at least to an extent, be filled with water vapor. Assuming the water was already in the glass when it was put into a vacuum.

@copperhamster 8 жыл бұрын

The glass half full engineer joke we had in college (where I went as an engineer) was 'The glass has a 2:1 safety margin'.

@randompastahandle 3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking that that joke sounded wrong. what engineer would make a glass that exactly fits the water without margin for error. that one should have been about mathmatics.

@GoErikTheRed 8 жыл бұрын

"The majority of people have an above average number of legs." Mind blown.

@fpahrabael6932 Жыл бұрын

that is the one i dont get

@GoErikTheRed Жыл бұрын

@@fpahrabael6932 Some people have 0 legs. Some people have 1. Some have 2. But no one has 3 or more, so average number of legs must be less than 2. Since most people have two legs, most people have more than the average number of legs

@aayushipandey5223 8 жыл бұрын

Schroedinger's car walks into a bar... ...and doesn't.

@Emily-un1wp 6 жыл бұрын

Aayushi Pandey how does a car walk into a bar?

@bhavyadubey3669 5 жыл бұрын

It's cat

@kallek919 5 жыл бұрын

”... and it’s gone to London to see to Queen!”

@MyTiredBones 10 жыл бұрын

"Know any good jokes about sodium?" "Na."

@txstateriley 10 жыл бұрын

***** and all the bad ones? We barium. *rim shot*

@zewingytundas 10 жыл бұрын

Jorji Costava papers, please :P

@micropopo 9 жыл бұрын

For the Argon joke, I prefer to use Helium instead, because you can say He doesn't react instead of Argon doesn't react. :) and another joke I've found is Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

@alexlamoreaux5228 9 жыл бұрын

I was going to tell a joke about sodium… But na

@alexlamoreaux5228 9 жыл бұрын

There's also: Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." Then, the second scientist says "I'll have some H2O too." The second scientist dies.

@michelsfeir1127 9 жыл бұрын

Alexia Lamoreaux Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have some H2O". The second says "I'll have a glass of water too... why did you call it H2O? I mean, I know that's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work". The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

@antiantiderivative 9 жыл бұрын

If H2O is water, and H2O2 is Hydrogen Peroxide, then what is H204? Drinking! (H2O4 and H20 for)

@alexlamoreaux5228 9 жыл бұрын

Michel Sfeir Because H202 is hydrogen peroxide, which is poisonous if ingested.

@crazysquirrel879 9 жыл бұрын

What do you do with dead elements ...... You barium anyway I have no more jokes cause sadly all the other ones argon

@smittywerbenjagermanjensen4238 9 жыл бұрын

For the above average number of legs one, most people have two legs, but there are also some amputees with only one or no legs, so therefore the mean number of legs is less than two.

@evanknowles4780 9 жыл бұрын

but how is that a joke?

@NaruTheBlackSwan 9 жыл бұрын

Evan Knowles It's just a darkly humorous musing is all.

@jamesbunch8932 4 жыл бұрын

None of these average number if leg jokes specify that the data set includes only humans

@discussionfortherightway.9725 4 жыл бұрын

Who didn‘t get it?

@jcsv12345 10 жыл бұрын

That was hilarious. "Let's go home so I can show you the exponential growth of my natural log." XD

@annabethgrace5432 10 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I loved that one.

@nickarcher6650 10 жыл бұрын

***** It's not so much the joke, but how he says it :3

@superstarz91 10 жыл бұрын

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have H20." The second one says "I'll have H202" The second one dies.

@Kahadi 10 жыл бұрын

two scientists walk into a bar. the first one says "I'll have H2O." the second one says "I'll have H2O, too". the bar tender hands them each a glass of water realizing there is a difference between "too" and "2"

@DJRAMO4LYF 10 жыл бұрын

it sounds better when you write H20 too, so he doesnt just sound like an idiot, but nice joke

@joetorsney 10 жыл бұрын

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have H2O please". The second one says "I'll have water please." The first scientist asks the second why he is not using the chemical formula. The second one says "We're not at work." The first starts shouting and cursing because his assassination plan has failed.

@xxECKOxBEASTxx 10 жыл бұрын

HYDROGEN PEROXIDE IS NOT LETHAL.

@brookewithers1392 10 жыл бұрын

1st of all, nice joke 2nd of all, please ingest hydrogen peroxide, then tell me if it's lethal. Oh wait, dead people can't say things.

@katiekatdragon 8 жыл бұрын

knock knock who's there you know you know who avada kedavra

@ftrost7803 8 жыл бұрын

sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!!!

@sociallyawkwardseal4379 8 жыл бұрын

Omg yes! 😆

@Java3dition 8 жыл бұрын

+F Trost like Na LOL

@Emi-wj3in 8 жыл бұрын

Omg

@Emi-wj3in 8 жыл бұрын

Omg

@guilhermecunha1518 8 жыл бұрын

Oxygen Magnesium (Omg)

@void-bl8nb 9 жыл бұрын

Velociraptor = DisplacementRaptor / TimeRaptor

@laurelcook9078 8 жыл бұрын

😂

@Amerikinz14 6 жыл бұрын

This is amazing!!! I love that:)

@madeyeloony2047 5 жыл бұрын

I think I Love you!

@cooperfontaine2942 8 жыл бұрын

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb A fish

@222cubing8 3 жыл бұрын

I know you forgot what you plagiarized this from but it’s nice to see another cheers fan

@MariOmor1 3 жыл бұрын

It'll also take a ceiling fan, a gallon of custard, a copy of Dante's Inferno, a radio playing Komm Susser Todd, and a towel.

@TheSpecialJ11 8 жыл бұрын

An ancient Roman walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a martinus. The bartender replies "Don't you mean a martini?" The frustrated Roman answers "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

@ian1231100 8 жыл бұрын

How do you comfort an English Major? Simply pat on his / her back and say, 'There, their, they're.'

@AdtPatel 8 жыл бұрын

2 scientists walk in a bar. The fist one asks the bartender to give him a glass of H2O. The second one asks for H2O too. Needless to say, the second one dies.

@sethlook1010 8 жыл бұрын

lol

@LauraPictures 8 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@fayeduddin3229 8 жыл бұрын

+Adt Patel I dont get it is it because of h20 two?

@rosehorror1422 8 жыл бұрын

+Fayed Uddin yes, h2O too = h2O2 = hydrogen peroxide

@mercyowoade 8 жыл бұрын

😂😂

@KishoreShenoy1994 7 жыл бұрын

How can real gold be described? Au-thentic

@KishoreShenoy1994 7 жыл бұрын

Does a silver man believe in God or not? Neither ... he is Ag-nostic

@simpletn 7 жыл бұрын

Kishore Shenoy plutonium is sick. It Pu-kes a lot

@SilverPhoenyx 9 жыл бұрын

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

@dehydratedninja4166 6 жыл бұрын

I dunno, what??

@damnsong8675309 6 жыл бұрын

Woosh?

@Emily-un1wp 6 жыл бұрын

Hahahah

@thisisjoel7199 5 жыл бұрын

@@dehydratedninja4166 whoosh

@joshuamason2227 5 жыл бұрын

@@dehydratedninja4166r/wooosh

@slendeaway7730 7 жыл бұрын

There are 10 types of people in the world. Thise who thought this was a binary joke and those who understand that this joke can be repurposed to fit any base system.

@slendeaway7730 7 жыл бұрын

Rachel B I prefer "There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, those who thought this was a binary joke, those who thought this was a trinary joke, those who thought this was a base 4 joke, those who thought this was a base 5 joke, those who thought this was a base 6 joke, those who thought this was a base 7 joke, those who thought this was a base 8 joke, those who thought this was a base 9 joke, those who thought this was a base 10 joke, an those who didn't read this whole thing.

@slendeaway7730 7 жыл бұрын

@xinlidai1642 7 жыл бұрын

my favorite is there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand hexadecimal and f the rest

@stattraktagged9929 7 жыл бұрын

Xinli Dai the Pi Guy Actually, 16.

@petermarsh4578 7 жыл бұрын

OUTPUT("There are 10 types of people in the world...") OUTPUT("Those who understand binary, and those who don't...) i = 3 While i > 0 OUTPUT("And those who weren't expecting a base " & i & " joke...) i++ End

@masterimbecile 8 жыл бұрын

2 chemists walked into a bar. The first one asked for some H2O. The second one asked for some H2O too. The second chemist took a gulp and died afterwards.

@heyimpandaaaa2570 8 жыл бұрын

Classic

@sylve2474 8 жыл бұрын

two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says, "I'll have some H2O" the second one says, "are you trying to kill me? "

@heavenbrown1163 8 жыл бұрын

H202.

@andyali2765 8 жыл бұрын

I heard that one. It's funny

@thg_2728 8 жыл бұрын

H202 is a very dangerous chemical and it sounds like 'H20 too'

@princeistalri7944 10 жыл бұрын

That Shrodinger bit killed me xD

@jamespondy0 10 жыл бұрын

Awesome!!

@RoseNoho 10 жыл бұрын

Are you sure?

@princeistalri7944 10 жыл бұрын

Rose NoHo You win the internets

@RoseNoho 10 жыл бұрын

Prince Istalri Thanks. :)

@jessiebeaver2875 10 жыл бұрын

You are a whole new level of nerd. That's not a bad thing though

@ISmokeOnTheWater 7 жыл бұрын

Pavlov is sitting in a bar. His phone rings. "Oh No! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

@katerynashneidmillier3228 4 жыл бұрын

Charly this one is hilarious

@hellopeeps2001 9 жыл бұрын

1) Two guys walked into a bar. The first asked for some h2o and the second asked for h2o too. The second guy died 2) Don't through sodium at people, it's an assalt 3) When I heard oxygen and magnesium where dating I was like OMg 4) I'm female Fe= iron Male= man I'm iron man

@amber9231 9 жыл бұрын

the first one cracked me up!!Xx

@kaibilbalam-gonzalez9584 9 жыл бұрын

These are really nice jokes

@corkeyguitarplayer 9 жыл бұрын

I love the OMg

@user-yt5rr6js9q 9 жыл бұрын

Technically, it's MgO

@l.t.c8.1.46 9 жыл бұрын

learn to spell throw not through

@DeadpanNinja 10 жыл бұрын

Sodium went to a pool party and it really blew up from there.

@quinnhanley4726 10 жыл бұрын

Even oxygen wasnt nobel enough to save himself.

@DeadpanNinja 10 жыл бұрын

Ha. Good one.

@quinnhanley4726 10 жыл бұрын

***** Thanks.

@OlanKenny 9 жыл бұрын

A candle of parafix wax is coloured red. A candle of ordinary wax is coloured green. Which one burns longer? Neither. They both burn shorter.

@pranamd1 8 жыл бұрын

A martian walked into a bar, but immediately collapsed. It was too much pressure.

@MrChopperGun2 9 жыл бұрын

The mushroom says to his friend "I don't understand why I never get invited to parties, I'm a fungi"

@gordonstearns2232 10 жыл бұрын

My own nerdy joke: "What does a hereditary scientist say before having sex? Let's see what's inside those genes." (I'm aware that a hereditary scientist is known as a genealogist; however, if I were to use that word in the setup, it would make the joke rather repetitive and give away the punchline.)

@TracksPyro 10 жыл бұрын

A jock liked this chemistry student. One day he went up and said,"Hey, if you get with me, it'll feel like the hadron collider." The chem student responds "It's so small, you need 17 miles of force for me to feel something?"

@quinnhanley4726 10 жыл бұрын

Lol and BURRRRRN!

@riverkagamine6229 10 жыл бұрын

I don't get it.

@quinnhanley4726 10 жыл бұрын

River Kagamine The hadron collider is a particle accelerator that's in a ring shape underneath France and Switzerland, which stretches for 17 miles.

@TracksPyro 10 жыл бұрын

River Kagamine The hadron collider is a 17 mile long machine that launches particles toward each other. The girl is saying his penis is so small, he'd need to be propelled at her from 17 miles away for her to feel something.

@jaunesmith0947 8 жыл бұрын

Schrodinger didn't know whether his cat would be alive or dead when he opened the box. He was surprised to see that it was not only alive, but had a positive charge. He concluded it had become a CATION! Sorry i'm not sorry.

@marthabwari1743 8 жыл бұрын

I have this new theory of inertia but its not gaining any momentum

@TheOverAchiever13 10 жыл бұрын

1 chemist ask for h2o the other chemists say I would like some h2o2, the 2nd chemist died

@pugfugly1989 9 жыл бұрын

Einstein gets pulled over for speeding. The officer asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Einstein reply's "Relative to what?"

@nikkiofthevalley 3 жыл бұрын

Cop says: The road.

@THE_ONLY_GOD 2 жыл бұрын

And then the officer looks in the trunk and finds out einstein had kidnapped poincare and de pretto and voigt

@Bwizz245 9 жыл бұрын

Did you hear about the guy who got cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now.

@PauloRodriguesPajovero 9 жыл бұрын

2 atoms came to a bar: - I belive I've lost a electron. - Are you sure? - I'm positive!

@ASCG5000 9 жыл бұрын

One atom tells another atom "I think I lost a electron" the other atom says "are you sure?" to this the first atom replies "I'm positive"

@LennyLenward 9 жыл бұрын

Two chemists walk into a cafe. One of them say: I'll have H2O The other one says: I'll have H2O too The second one dies If you're a chemistry nerd you will get it.

@kameronpeterson3601 9 жыл бұрын

A chemist walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide. Despite the pleas of the other patrons, the chemist leave chugging his drink.

@micahyang3395 9 жыл бұрын

Kameron Peterson dihydrogen. Sorry I'm pedantic

@kameronpeterson3601 9 жыл бұрын

Fixed it.

@LennyLenward 9 жыл бұрын

What do you mean? You didn't fix anything...

@LennyLenward 9 жыл бұрын

Sorry, forgot about the other guy's comment,

@robbnagle 4 жыл бұрын

8 Years later this is still hilarious!

@geekweek9673 9 жыл бұрын

When it was first invented, the knife was cutting edge technology.

@calh655 5 жыл бұрын

It still is cutting edge technology

@StefanBacon 10 жыл бұрын

Hank, I have to say I'm disappointed in the carelessness. A half full glass is not two times larger than it needs to be, but two times AS LARGE as it needs to be. Two times LARGER would imply that there exists twice the filled volume in empty volume, or 1/3 full, 2/3 empty.

@spyro454 8 жыл бұрын

You missed "Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side"

@gearbot5934 8 жыл бұрын

In less i cut In half

@randompastahandle 3 жыл бұрын

alternative punchline, passing helps her think

@vickythrasher8036 9 жыл бұрын

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. When Einstein begins counting, Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes out a piece of chalk, and draws a square at his feet. So Einstein stops counting, turns around, spots Newton, and yells, "Ha, I found you." But Newton says, "No my friend, you found 1 Newton per square meter... you found Pascal."

@arnavsingh44 5 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha

@ilaripeltonen4330 4 жыл бұрын

This is great!

@LoopyLaloo 8 жыл бұрын

1:17, Hank, that is not OK! It's CHCl3. I'm on my way out.

@HumanTypewriter 7 жыл бұрын

best one XD

@LoopyLaloo 7 жыл бұрын

hannibal jr **bows while walking out the door**

@MikeLazarus 10 жыл бұрын

Groan ... these are so bad. But I laughed, so here's another: An electron and a positron go into a bar. Positron: "You're round." Electron: "Are you sure?" Positron: "I'm positive."

@clairesummers4035 10 жыл бұрын

Should've been more like this, "Two atoms walk into a bar. First atom:Oh no! I lost an electron! Second atom:Really? Are you sure? First atom:Yes! I'm positive!" because if a neutral atom loses an electron, it becomes positive...

@datechnod00d 10 жыл бұрын

Aaron Ray Not all the time. The atom could have been a cation, so losing an electron would either make it still a cation or electrically neutral. Also, if both of the atoms were made of antimatter, then the atom would actually become negative. So the first line should be "2 unionized regular atoms walk into a bar"

@clairesummers4035 10 жыл бұрын

... Cation...

@datechnod00d 10 жыл бұрын

Aaron Ray Whoops, I edited it, sorry. I have a problem with spelling, I got an A- in it.

@UmarWazir 10 жыл бұрын

More likely: An electron and a positron go into a bar. Positron (preferring hand for handshake): "How do you do." Electron (reciprocates): "I'm..." KABOOOOOMMMMM. Okay, that is not very funny, but more plausible. And yes, I realise that plausibility is a secondary concern in the construction of 'two men in a bar...' jokes. meh. :P

@zoravursingh5617 9 жыл бұрын

What do 16 sodiums and batman have in common? They both have no parents.

@zoravursingh5617 9 жыл бұрын

Courtesy of Teg Singh

@zoravursingh5617 9 жыл бұрын

lol thats the orginial joke

@hagerio 8 жыл бұрын

The barman says : "We don't serve your kind here!" A tachyon enters a bar.

@gearbot5934 8 жыл бұрын

Sodium sodium BATMAN

@PotatoeIsland 8 жыл бұрын

Why are there only white actors in the hobbit? Brown dwarfs never become stars

@theramendutchman 3 жыл бұрын

dude.

@g00oose_ 10 жыл бұрын

I would tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon

@Jojono-sq3vx 10 жыл бұрын

Oxygen Magnesium that was so good i wanna chemically bond with you

@thelanner22b 10 жыл бұрын

jonah shinkawa OMg

@GregTom2 10 жыл бұрын

I love the the half glass series.

@marthabwari1743 8 жыл бұрын

I've been reading this great book on antigravity..... I can't put it down

@littleh4xx0r 8 жыл бұрын

I often tell noblegas jokes... no reaction. An infinite number of mathematicians gets into a bar The first one says "One Beer, please." The second one says "A half Beer, please." The third one says "A quarter Beer, please." The first one says "An eighth Beer, please." ... and so on and so on After quite a while the Barkeeper angrily says enough of your nonesense and pours them 2 Beers. HeHeHeHe

@Recessio 10 жыл бұрын

Damn it, all the good jokes Argon.

@TheCheeseApocalypse 10 жыл бұрын

No. No.

@maggiefinnessy9607 10 жыл бұрын

I laughed WAY WAY WAY too hard

@glow262 10 жыл бұрын

"no reaction"

@tomb8846 10 жыл бұрын

Maggie Finnessy NO NO makes me laugh too.

@ishaanbhatt226 10 жыл бұрын

Why are quantum physicists poor at having sex? Because when they find the position they can't find the momentum, and when they find the momentum they can't find the position.( reference to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle)

@KO-fh4vn 10 жыл бұрын

lol you are considerate. You made sure to give a reference so people don't feel left out >.

@I.Am.L 10 жыл бұрын

Love it.

@deeegeee620 9 жыл бұрын

I didn't realize that I was a nerd until I watched this video and understood the punchline of almost every joke.

@hannahcollins3070 9 жыл бұрын

Those were the oddest yet must suggestive pickup lines i have ever heard....

@teresabeaumont5597 8 жыл бұрын

gold walks into a bar, bartender says "Au get out of here"

@42Mrgreenman 7 жыл бұрын

Gniess one, shitty bartenders, more stick than karet.

@justflora7677 7 жыл бұрын

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs! They always take thing literally!

@faerya841 7 жыл бұрын

Nerdy pick up lines: There are gonna be seven planets soon because I'm going to destroy Uranu-

@faerya841 7 жыл бұрын

Renske050 XD

@robbrandhoff3 9 жыл бұрын

Also, an infinte number of scientiest walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter beer. The bartender says "you are all idiots" and almost serves two beers.

@evanknowles4780 9 жыл бұрын

there are some pretty deep mathematics that almost reach a psychological standpoint of math saying that he ends up serving two ENTIRE beers

@ARP2wefightforyou 9 жыл бұрын

No it's "you mathematicians don't know your limits" and he gives them two bottles

@theskyscraperbattle 10 жыл бұрын

What do you call a measuring cup that just finished school? A graduated cylinder!!!!

@MsRmaclaren 10 жыл бұрын

But only if the measuring cup is cylindrical .....

@chickenbob3414 9 жыл бұрын

I am surprised that I got most of them because I am only thirteen. I guess it pays to have no friends and to learn stuff on the internet.

@epshitamanashi7519 9 жыл бұрын

You are not alone.

@jkennedy299 9 жыл бұрын

Well, you are alone, but there are others alike you...

@user-hm1gr5nf3q 9 жыл бұрын

I got these when I was 11... I have friends, but I don't talk about vlogbrothers, scishow, crashcourse, mental floss, or anything nerdy to them.

@JohnDoe-lr5fy 9 жыл бұрын

@aayjay6789 9 жыл бұрын

You all are probably fools who like to get people to be amazed at you. Get out of captivity and share information. If you know what these meant, instead of bragging about it over a social networking website, share it to your friends, families, canines, felines, phascolarctuses, and neutrinos. For Higg's sake! As a nerd geek, I find your comments to be utterly preposterous and kingon-like.

@cihad735 7 жыл бұрын

What are 8 hobbits called? One hobbyte.

@joveegillen6966 8 жыл бұрын

My ex got a new girlfriend, and she's a female dog with a pH under 7. I'm sorry.

@MultiSK8ER101 8 жыл бұрын

+Jovee Gillen it took me like 20 seconds to get it

@loherring277 8 жыл бұрын

😂

@Lemon_Sage9999 8 жыл бұрын

An acidic bitch?

@joveegillen6966 8 жыл бұрын

Titus Block Oh crap is that acidic? I meant basic.

@Lemon_Sage9999 8 жыл бұрын

Oh, well. Still works, I guess.

@teodorwestholm7004 10 жыл бұрын

albert einstein, isaac newton and blaise pascal are playing hide and seek. einstein is counting. pascal runs off and hides, but newton doesnt move an inch. instead he draws a square around him in the dirt. when einstein has finished counting and sees newton he says: found you newton! newton answers: no you didnt, you found pascal. one newton per meter squared.

@jextermaxim2665 9 жыл бұрын

That's a great joke :) Big laugh for me :)

@fiffyevans5766 8 жыл бұрын

What's that famous Rihanna-Sodium song again O Na Na

@chibiprussia5574 8 жыл бұрын

+Fiffy Evans God damn it >.>

@eroskine4063 8 жыл бұрын

I lost it with "If you're not part of the solution ..."

@McThirdDegree 8 жыл бұрын

Pick up line, "Hey baby, you just turned my floppy disk into a hard drive".

@achtsekundenfurz7876 3 жыл бұрын

She (linux nerd): "Go fsck yourself"

@MRS4EVA 10 жыл бұрын

Thank you closed captions, for showing that in #23 he wasn't about to say "peanut".

@amyk6869 10 жыл бұрын

Dear Math: You need to solve your own problems. I'm tired of finding your X. She's just not constant to you. Factoring your expressions is just not my job. (NOTE: if you haven't taken Algebra, ask your designated geek buddy who has.)

@steevekruger2417 10 жыл бұрын

And you know Y

@CuteKovuKitten 10 жыл бұрын

And don't ask me Y either

@StephanieHellman 9 жыл бұрын

"Some people have an above average number of legs. Think about it. IT'S TRUE" I'm gone XD

@emilyfaith4061 9 жыл бұрын

I cannot figure this one out.. Can you explain it please?

@StephanieHellman 9 жыл бұрын

emilyfaith Some people are born with one or no legs, making the average number of legs a person has very close but less than two. Honestly, it's not the joke that's so funny, it's the way Hank said it :)

@Michelle-fm8dg 4 жыл бұрын

Ohhhhhhhhh ok