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“Get the bishop out of the bedroom” should be a tee shirt

You both need to do a part 2 on this topic. I have so much to share on this topic alone from when I was in the Church. I was on my mission in 2013 and my mission president told the missionaries to not wash themselves with hand contact (only water) because it was too tempting to jack off in the shower. He told this to the entire mission, sisters included. I then got a companion who had issues, and he was odorous. Like bad. He was not washing himself in the crotch region and I finally had to say something about it. That was a difficult conversation but he started washing himself again and it corrected it almost right away. Got called to the mission office because I told him to wash himself and I told my mission president it was better that he touches himself and sin than him walking around smelling like a new york pizza rat trying to bring people to christ.

Senior year at BYUI, bishopric comes to apt to tell us all not self pleasure. I was 21 and so confused because I didn't know girls could even do that. I then discovered they could, thanks bishop 🤣

My new Sex Therapist saw dollar signs when I told her I was an Exmormon 😂

Hello! I am Marta Elisa from Transylvania, Romania. I am an ex-7th day adventist. Healing is VERY painful, but I am still alive, still here.

"If God didn't want us to masturbate, he would've made our arms shorter." George Carlin

Imagine the insane BDSM kinks literally every Mormon leader has ever had.

I'm so sorry for those who grew up in this cult being completely deprived of life and joy. It makes me so sad of all the time stolen from them and for the time stolen from those who never got out, it's so insidious. :(

I got married in 1979 at age 19. I lived under these guidelines my whole life. I can’t even begin to tell you how devoting my life to the gospel has messed me up. I’m so glad you know how to have a healthy sex life and be wise about bringing children into the world.

I grew up baptist, and I was ashamed of looking at the Victoria's Secret catalogue as a 12 year old. I would always throw it away, and then repent while disgusted with myself. Then another catalogue would show up and the cycle would repeat. I grew up in the nineties, so easy access to the internet was not available. Feeling shamed for sinning just made it harder to not look at the models in lingerie. If I'd just been told that those feelings were natural, and normal, I probably would have gotten bored of it.

Thank you for making so much mention of natural sexual development in kids. Way too many people have been shamed by family or church for completely healthy impulses and behavior. Love you guys!

My first year at girls camp I remember our bishop came and talked about our "precious pearls that we should never look at" as a thinly veiled euphemism to tell us not to do the solo diddly. Even then I was confused that a grown man I barely knew was talking to me about something so intimate without anyone around

It’s so upsetting how people my age in the church (gen z) just have no idea that any of these rules ever existed. It’s crazy to me how the church can preach that something is a horrible sin or preach that something else is straight from god and can never be altered (garments, temple ceremony, basically everything), and then get away with changing things. Unchanging god who?? People my age literally have no idea how sexist the temple was just three years ago, and they think it’s so strange when other churches tell their members not to use birth control, even though their grandparents and parents were literally taught that

Oh my God, this is why the bathroom doors in my Rexburg apartments straight up didn't have locks or detachable showerheads. Not that it really stopped anyone who was determined, but...

At 18 my mother found out I participated in oral sex.. she yelled “I’ve never done that in my life!” I thought 1. I did not need to know that and 2. That’s just sad. As a teenager the church had me in a major shame cycle - in young women’s I NEVER directly heard masturbation mentioned… I guess because of the assumption that only men deal with that temptation (same with porn). Which perpetuates the idea that women do not feel sexual desire like men. Honestly still dealing with after effects of all the shame of not being “chaste” and thinking I was the only girl in the world who dealt with it.

You made this 62 year old lol, also remind me how screwed up I was even after leaving the church as soon as I left home. Luckily I met and married a sensitive and super hot Catholic boy and had a very happy life until he passed away. We ate LOTS of spicy foods. 🌶

When I was still active and married, I asked a friend from RS about vibrators, and she said "I think that not allowed by the masturbation clause." At the time, I felt super guilty and shamed after she said that. But now, I feel guilty for not convincing her that it was okay to use a vibrator. All that is to say, I'm thinking we should start a go fund me to buy vibrators for all the women of the church.

OMG. SPENCER J CONDIE IS MY GRANDPA. I’m 22, live in SLC, and left the church about three years ago (still the only member of my extended family to do so), and have been watching you guys ever since. Cannot believe my own grandpa casually pops up in this video 💀Literally saw him on Thanksgiving for the first time in over a year because I discovered for the first time his super homophobic talk, “A Mighty Change of Heart” from general conference in the 90s when he was a general authority. A great read! His oldest daughter, my mom, is the current Dean of the BYU business school down in provo. Carrying my family name so proudly 😩😩

Thanks for making this so funny, even while so serious. And the phallic mic right in the foreground made me laugh too. I wasn't Mormon but still suffered the guilt-ridden church-dependent stuff for many years. Your videos make me feel less alone about it all.

I've heard from boomer ex Mos that they were asking specific questions of married couples before the no oral decree. It's just that specific act was seen as so unusual older generations didn't ask because they didn't think anyone would even be thinking about it. They were regularly asking if married couples were having anal and many bishops would only approve of pnv missionary position for temp recommends. Basically cults get involved in the couples sex life because if you allow people to do what comes naturally it will usually form an incredible strong bond between them which would supercede their bond to the church and they'd be less easily manipulated by the church.

What does the Book say about having a clown in the corner of the bedroom singing show tunes during sex? Asking for a friend.

As long as you can keep people feeling guilty, unclean, deficient, inadequate, etc. . . . they will tend to contribute more money and time, ask fewer questions, and otherwise try to measure up, comply, and attempt to become acceptable.

Can't believe that back when I was a TBM me and my husband actually prayed for God's okay on my husband getting a vasectomy. Even though it was definitely the best thing for our family to do. Ugh, taking a step back really opens your eyes to all the control, dang.

Every sperm is sacred 🎶 Every sperm is great 🎶 If a sperm is wasted 🎶 God gets quite irate 🎶

Odds are "normal toilet activities" would've included cleaning and hygiene. "Toilet" was used as a catch all term for things going on in the bathroom (or before that, near the washbasin) such as dressing, grooming, hygiene, makeup, etc. Not sure when that quote dates from exactly but it was not uncommon well into the 1930s in the US. Maybe longer but I don't usually study fashion stuff after that so I wouldn't know off the top of my head This is why we call some objects "toiletries", they're the products associated with the toilet routine (basically what we'd call "getting ready")

“Hanging with the wank gang” would also make a great t-shirt!

I, as well, am still so angry that so much of my life has been stolen from me by this cult. I look forward to the day when I will be free. Thank you for sharing!

The person who spilled their seed in the Bible was named Onan, and the person he refused to spill his seed into was his sister in law, the widow of his dead brother Err.

So the Good Married Sex Guide for Mormons is essentially a blank sketchbook.

Tanner's little look at the camera when sam read "arise" 😆

I hate that I lost 32 years of my life to the church too. It's taken many years but I'm finally getting to know myself.

I love the BYU ads during your video :) They somehow add to how much I love your work.

I’m pretty sure Spencer W. Kimball spent a large proportion of his life handcuffed to his bedpost. For one reason or another.

I had a bishop who told a story about when he was in another bishopric as a newly married person. He was giving a temple recommend interview to a woman who mentioned after decades of marriage she and her husband had never seen one another without garments. I don’t remember the context of why I had been told this story but…

I clearly recall a meeting I went to at my Mia Maids leaders house. I don’t remember why we talked about this but she told us about her friend who was made infertile because she “didn’t trust the lords timing” and used birth control. Now her womb is forever barren and we shouldn’t use BC or else we risk the same! I fortunately lived in a state that had comprehensive sex Ed and knew better but I remember being spooked by that.

"Bishop in the bedroom" should be a new scent from Exmo candle!

As I was a member of the adventist church, they also taught us how bad m@strubation is… even thinking about $€xual things is a sin… I couldn’t control myself and after I always cried so badly because I was ashamed and thought I would go to hell for this. When I became 18, I ran out and never looked back!

Ugh.. Younger fundamentalist teenager me purposefully didn't have a mirror in my room so I 'wouldn't be vain' and also probably about body/self-pleasure shame. Forgot about that.

As always, the best dressed youtubers. Keep up the good work, the world needs your intelligence.

Thank you Sam and Tanner for this video. Tanner, I hope you will make a video parody of these "principles!" It would be great!

I listened to this on a run today and almost had to stop, I was cracking up so hard. Thanks for the laughs, this was better than therapy :)

The one-liners in this video are top tier

Omg my brothers always pissed with door open it fucking traumatized me

Sounds like foreplay is forbidden.... that's just sad.

Masturbation is self care. It's good. For everyone. Period. And literally hurts no one. You cannot give yourself disease or get yourself pregnant or break your own heart.

My last bath was 3hours . . . Id be a rubbish Mormon 😂

Here are some more fun quotes! BIRTH CONTROL IS WICKEDNESS. The abuse of this holy covenant has been the primary cause for the downfall of nations. --Joseph Fielding Smith When a man and a woman are married and they agree, or covenant, to limit their offspring to two or three, and practice devices to accomplish this purpose, they are guilty of iniquity which eventually must be punished. -- Joseph Fielding Smith Those who willfully and maliciously design to break this important commandment shall be damned --Joseph Fielding Smith Those who practice birth control...are in rebellion against God and are guilty of gross wickedness --Bruce R McConkie Another serious problem with wearing a condom is that it blocks the reception of the man's priesthood antenna! How is he supposed to receive revelation if his antenna is blocked?

Sam you have helped me so much with your sarcasm in my healing process I absolutely love you❤ my parents are so old fashioned like almost fundamentalists you guys get me through !!!!

I have been binging these videos (as I'm sure you're aware lmao) and I am very proud of you both! It goes without saying, but being able to find humor in this is a big deal!!

Every embryo starts out female as well.

Not me binge watching your videos while prepping our vegetarian thanksgiving… and counting it as billable work hours since I technically have my spreadsheets open in case anything comes in lol 😅

Sam's hairdo is so iconic 💜

I've been a member my whole life, and I am still a member, though I have not returned to weekly church meetings upon the pandemic restrictions being lifted. I am extremely conflicted. The experiences I've had in my life, including feeling the Holy Ghost's presence and comfort, the guidance I've received, feeling the Spirit so strongly after a Priesthood Blessing, as well as events within my personal life that I will not get into currently, point to the existence of God, the fact Jesus died for me, and the presence of the Holy Ghost. I can't deny it. Denying the Holy Ghost, and the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the existence of God, and the existence of priesthood power, and the existence of so many blessings and gifts poured down upon us, is a complete and utter impossibility for me. And, I would absolutely love to be sealed to a loving wife, married for time and all eternity rather than being split apart at death. I would also love to get into the Celestial Kingdom, where eternal life and perpetual happiness await. However, at the same time, these issues in this video, along with many other issues in the Church, produce conflicting feelings within me, and I don't know what to do. I have such a crazy libido, it feels like it'd be nearly impossible for me to not look at porn or masturbate or do anything other than vaginal sex for my whole life, or at least I can't currently see myself being able to do that anytime soon. And that disqualifies me from entering the Temple, and therefore I wouldn't be able to be sealed or get any other blessings within the Temple, and I don't know if I'd be able to enter the Celestial Kingdom… I feel like grace and mercy just… just HAVE to enter _somewhere,_ but I don't know where, and I don't know if it can help me. I don't know. I also feel like I cannot bring it up with my parents, the sexual stuff. My dad would react very adversely, as he is the one person in my whole family who doesn't have a mental illness who's become addicted to political crazy juice since 2020, and the crazy juice has made him into a bitter, angry person… and that doesn't mix well with religion. And my mom… I can't bring it up with her because of the sheer taboo I feel about it. I don't know how she'd react, but I feel terrified enough that talking to her is completely off the table. All in all, I'm completely stuck and utterly conflicted, and have only the Holy Ghost to guide me as I try to find answers. Do I leave the Church? Do I stay? Do I leave and come back when I'm able to be worthy enough to get the Melchizedek Priesthood and get a Temple Recommend? Do I leave the Church but do my best to live a good life and be a wonderful person to the best of my ability? Will I even be able to get into the Celestial Kingdom? What will my future be like?

"Keep it out of your mind??". That's like saying " Don't think about pink elephants."

This is actually making me realize how much one Bishop's wife (we changed bishops a few times when I was young, I'm not saying the bishop had multiple wives lol sorry thebwording is weird) wasn't in line with the teachings of the church. Like, she specifically told us "you're allowed to do what you want with your spouse, sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable." That sounds like the opposite of all of these teachings. I wonder why she did that Also, Sam's hair clips are making me nostalgic for my hair clips I had as a kid 😭❤️ I loved those colorful hair accessories so much, idk where they went

what if i bathe in a tub full of worms WITH joseph cornflakes. what then

So true about the sex jokes! And have you noticed a lot of ex Mormon men still do it. I left ExMormon groups because of so many misogynistic jokes.

Atleast both of you have left this cult and can now live life as fully as you want.

It wasn't his sister, it was his dead brother's wife. God had commanded that his brother provide seed to him and the guy decided that he didn't want to do that. Also, what do the Mormons say about the Song of Solomon? It's full of oral sex.

I think the "spilling of seed" was referring to pulling out, not masturbation. You guys crack me up!

One of my younger sisters is/was pretty much a sanctimonious, frigid prude. When she was younger, whenever she took a bath she'd hang one towel over the mirror so she wouldn't look at herself, and place another towel under the door in case someone was tempted to look at her UNDER the door. I don't think she thought much about the physical realities of the deal, since eyes are normally attached to the head, and can't wander around suspiciously on their own.

I had to dash to the fridge for a custard tart (is it ok to say tart? ) after watching this. Can you advise: would cornflakes have been a better choice?

I got the impression that all orgasms outside of a man doing it for the purpose of reproducing was sinful. I didn't even know women could orgasm until I was a late teen, and even then I got the sense that it literally just wasn't important or respected anyway, even if it wasn't sinful.

I think old Mark E. Petersen once said that in all his 40-something years of marriage, he'd never ever seen his wife completely naked. Amazing.

It gives, "Let go, let God a new meaning."

"I think I went to his funeral..." *a Gatorade ad comes on STAY HYDRATED!!* ⚰💦

Its funny, when I was being interviewed in the late 70's, all my bishop asked was if I had a problem with masturbation, I didn't think of it as a problem so I said no, and we moved on. There was one Elder in my mission who just happened to also be from my stake who had to tie his pajamas on himself every night or he would wake up naked, He had to stay in my pension one night and though I had heard the rumors, I saw that it was true, and he even, after tying his pajamas one the night before, still woke up naked in the morning. I was wondering if he had been wanking all night too.

No machinery in the bedroom according to a random stake president.

"Keep the bishops out of the bedroom"? How DARE you kink shame me! I love to beat my bishop.

For a wile I went to meet with the bishop because I had a “masturbation problem” I had to tell him if I had done it that week, when exactly I did it, and to what I did it too. I didn’t leave a single meeting without crying. The shame of thinking I was dirty and unworthy plus the uncontrollableness of telling a man (old enough to be my father) all these intimate things about myself was absolutely soul crushing. I was 15.

Can we have a music video with the “it started of with a snack, how did it end up like this, it was only a poo, it was only a poo?!” After the soaking USA I know you two can pull this off amazingly!

I'm so sorry to any traumatized ex-LDS members. God is not like this. (non-denominational christian).

This intense focus on sex is very alarming!!! What's their problem? What happened to them as kids ? I'm seriously concerned for these guys

Hi, the idea with mormonism being a sex cult is very interesting. I am a religious traditions researcher from Europe, and I have just written an article about this, but basically only focusing on the early church under Joseph Smith. Your video has helped me a lot with some ideas. Thanks

Ay Tanner that's a really good collection of colors with your awesome vest. Did you get your hair chopt? If I had hair like you I'd have a hair piece made. So I'm going to listen to this podcast when my mood is appropriate for getting seriously pissed. I just can't understand why even the tiniest iota of reason doesn't approach the minds of some people. Chinese communists also come to mind.... many blessings for a more nurturing and compassionate world. Safe journeys and have a blessed holiday season which is actually thru January and most the year. 😊🌸🦋

22:14 these dudes really be telling on themselves. Lol. 😂. The fact the dude is so adamant that this WILL happen is like …is there something you want to tell us, Mr. Mormon Leader Guy? Because it’s really ok, I promise!

quick q-where did you get that gorgeous nude lip gloss form Sam? (and the pastel hair clips? )

Is it bad that I thought Tanner's name was Zelph?

Such a great video! 🎉

Is kissing considered oral sex?

I would love a refresher course on the power structure (nevermo but exbaptist) so I'm trying to sort the places statements come from, like what is the first presidency vs something from the prophet etc? How does the ranking system work?

I mean, speaking as a Christian, sex is taught to be reserved for marriage HOWEVER once you’re married no monogamous sexual acts are strictly forbidden in the Bible. You are free to explore and experiment however you both see fit as long as it’s within marriage. Oral sex is mentioned in the Bible and celebrated (Song of Solomon). The “sex is strictly for procreation” ideology isn’t biblical at all and was created by leaders like you two are discussing! Having sex with your spouse without the intention of having children is perfectly reasonable and allowed! The leaders of religions are the reason this is debated. I’ve never been in the LDS or 7th day churches, I was raised as a nondenominational Christian and I still am one, so I was never taught that sex is only for procreation thankfully!

I had an ex who thought the idea of going down on a woman was disgusting (even if she is super clean and has no smell)…. It sucks

I've never thought about this before until I heard you mention but again, but how could one possibly be "less valiant" in the pre mortal existence? The premortal existence took place in heaven and I feel like it's impossible to be naughty in heaven? Lmao

So are we supposed to be asking our friends if they are recovering from the addiction? And then just stop talking to them if they say yes? Wow. I'm glad that people have studied the effects that holding a book of mormon 24/7 has.

Oh yeah and not sex but a house of guys in my usa ward had a hidden make out map of who everyone else in the ward had kissed. It gross and weird. The sex cult thing reminded me of it

I love your channel

OMG you guys! I read excerpts from the Mark E Peterson stuff as a teenager in a 'liberal rag' (how my parents referred to the magazine) called _Mother Jones_ in the mid-1990s; the exerpts were quoted in an article under the title "The Young Mormon's Guide to Not Masturbating," which was I think mostly played for laughs? Or maybe included under the general concept of 'know your enemy,' as context for why there were so many 'socially conservative' laws and policies proposed nationally in increasing frequency at the time? I remember the bathing in/eating worms and the Book of Mormon held in hand details specifically. I remember not being able to believe that anyone would read this advice and interpret it seriously, as something to be truly and earnestly applied... like surely, this idea of keeping a Bible by your bed to thumb through whenever you get horny was intended less as a serious suggestion and more as a sort of exaggerated illustration for the need for mental discipline or something...right? Why would it be preferable to imagine earing worms when turned on? ... this was too _odd_ to be harming people, wasn't it? I remember finding the whole thing so alien that i almost shrugged it off as a joke, though i knew at the time that it was definitely quotes of a Mormon publication and not some _Onion_ style satire. I'm sorry to hear that the advice included was ever seriously interpreted. I was a naive teenager I guess. I grew up in the 90s on the East coast, where I had comprehensive sex education in public school and politically and socially liberal parents who did not censor my reading/media consumption, and did not care about my sexual habits much at all, apart from both making sure I had access to birth control after they figured out I was sexuallyactive in my early 20s while still living at home...It blows my mind learning -- still -- how unusual that experience is/was throughout my lifetime. I learn this kind of thing out of interest in religion and personal stories generally, but it always reminds me of an old Ani DiFranco lyric: "I care enough that I'm mad/that half the world don't even know/what they could have had..." I don't think it's my place to judge someone else's decisions (generally speaking) or pity them when I don't share those experiences, but I have trouble not at least shaking my head in empathetic sorrow when people describe the harm strict religion /religious observance has done to people... permission to harm and repress others is not what I have sought or found in my practice of religion, despite what some others seem to have found... Religion interests me in part because I am a Roman Catholic convert (still politically and socially liberal) married to a complete non-believer, and I also just can't resist personal stories of spirituality and life in general. I very much appreciate how much you guys are willing to share about your experiences, and have enjoyed watching you both evolve and comment on that evolution as your videos go on. Hope you don't mind the never-Mormon audience, I do feel a bit like a voyeur sometimes! Long story short, thanks for your candor, keep up the good work!!

I remember a kid I went to high school with started carrying a BOM around with him EVERYWHERE. It was so weird, and when I asked a male friend who was in the same ward as him, he told me it was because he watches porn. His bishop told him if he kept the BOM with him, he could open it and read scriptures whenever he thought about porn. Wild shit…

Your both always looking so good!!!

Y'all's commentary on this video is the best!!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

I feel like y’all missed another great t-shirt opportunity - “I wanked my friends to spiritual ruin” 👍 btw I’m totally down to purchase any of the shirts mentioned in the video ❤

“you’ve never read the bible ‘cause that shit is WHACK” 😂

Great video!

this advice feels like it was created to torture ppl with ocd

LMAO, the no birth control thing must be a "mere technicality" like it is with many Catholics because my Queen of TMI boss' daughter-in-law only got her implant removed this year. According to my boss, DIL and son were sensibly waiting until they were stable enough to start popping them out. Now that DIL's pregnant, I'm assuming she's never using BC again, but, yeah... Mere technicality. Edit: The no oral sex must also be a mere technicality because I just find it very hard to believe. Oral sex is vanilla at this point. Now, butt stuff, that I can see being a no-no.

I’d like to thank the flying spaghetti monster for so benevolently allowing me to have birth control, my crippling endo appreciates it 🙏🏻

I absolutely hate the fact that they are so against birth control. I take it to control my PCOS. Do they want me to go without treatment?

I can't remember laughing at a video so much 😂