5 Reasons Men are Afraid to Love You (and how to open his heart)

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5 Reasons Men are Afraid to Love You (and how to open his heart)

Рет қаралды 38,833

2 жыл бұрын

Watch this video to learn the 5 surprising reasons - in ORDER - that men are afraid of intimacy and commitment, and how to overcome them ❤️
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Why is it so hard to get a man to commit? Am I pushing him away? Why won't he love me more? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video explaining the 5 most common fears and blocks men have towards intimacy, so you can understand them and actually USE these obstacles as opportunities to deepen your connection with him!
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• 5 Reasons Men are Afra...

Пікірлер: 235

@nancydrollette2899 2 жыл бұрын

It seems that men and women have many of the same fears... honestly, I'm tired of fear, rejection, being lonely. I'm not unattractive, I'm warm, friendly, accepting, feminine, and I'm tired of all of this.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

Don’t give up on love sister!

@colormecrazywithkim5837 9 ай бұрын

Ditto

@nancybash1814 8 ай бұрын

Nancy to Nancy: you are attractive, you just don’t give it to yourself!! Let you have it… don’t compare yourself to anyone!

@splitraven7060 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Matt - I met a wonderful man 3 months ago. He was vulnerable with last weekend saying softly with elements of fear that he never wants to lose me. The moment was tender and beautiful. He’s slowly opening. As you’ve mentioned in the past to bring the little boy out. He loves hobby toys as do my daughter and I. He drove to Boca to go pick them up 😉. He said he never thought he would find this kind of happiness like he has with me.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

Yay! You deserve a great guy :)

@lavonnedowning4105 2 жыл бұрын

As women, we have heard all of this a million times. The reasons why men can't commit... whatever. It is all extremely frustrating. It feels like pettiness sometimes. Or an excuse for bad behavior. I mean...it must all be true, of course because we see it constantly.

@ProdavackaDivu 2 жыл бұрын

The best we can do is only date emotionally available men, because trying to hold onto a guy who is scared of relationship just hurts us :(

@judyperri9496 Жыл бұрын

@@ProdavackaDivu I’m beginning to doubt those men exist

@karadiberlino 4 ай бұрын

@@judyperri9496Date young men, they don‘t have a load of baggage. ❤Also they are more respectful and attractive.

@lisaraper8053 2 ай бұрын

@@karadiberlinook I’m 48. Young men are emotionally immature for one. I’m too old for a young man.

@inqui-1394 Жыл бұрын

1. Fear of rejection and insecurity. 2. We assume you are taken. 3. We are afraid of letting you down. 4. We don’t feel ready for a relationship.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

YES! :)

@reemsaif3105 Жыл бұрын

Sounds more roads are blocked than open.

@karadiberlino 4 ай бұрын

@@reemsaif3105😂😂😂

@cynthiahoz3948 2 жыл бұрын

Hello Mat, Everyone has experienced rejection and pain through broken relationships. Although it can be transformative, it can also weigh very heavy on our hearts. Taking this risk again is something I am not sure I want. Thanks for talking about this sensitive topic❤️

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing! I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

@Wolfpackmom6 Жыл бұрын

Dear Men, women are afraid of vulnerability too. Especially from past trauma. It doesn't hurt for you to LEAD her into being vulnerable by asking her questions to things you're curious about.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing!

@hazelzelisko1644 Жыл бұрын

I have witnessed this for a long time, it's very hard for both people , but someone has to to start ~~allow them to speak their truth!

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

exactly!!

@sunmeetssaturn7134 Жыл бұрын

I love this Matt. You share such a compassionate and intelligent male perspective.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! ❤

@beboldwithkatah Жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video Mat and being vulnerable with us! It felt very supportive for me.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

You're so welcome!

@hollyphoenixfeather2 2 жыл бұрын

This is enormously helpful. My former partner once told me in a rare moment of vulnerability that while he wanted to spend his life with me, he didn't want to get married for at least two years. I was (rightly) extremely hurt by this, but I see now that I should have invited him to share why, instead of getting defensive and pushing him away even more.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

I’m happy this resonated with you

@judyperri9496 Жыл бұрын

“Rightly hurt” ??? Gee he’s trying to be honest with you and all you think about is your hurt feelings

@hollyphoenixfeather2 Жыл бұрын

@@judyperri9496 because my feelings don't matter at all, right?

@Ljounieh Жыл бұрын

You don't have to babysit him. Woman have our own feelings to deal with

@secretshaman189 2 жыл бұрын

Thank-you for sharing this, I am sure it was difficult, but it helps women so much to understand male "approach anxiety". A good man does not want to disappoint, and communication has to be honest and open, but when feelings start to flow, sometimes it is just so hard to be objective.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much my dear!

@charlie-girl72 11 ай бұрын

Thank you mat I met a wonderful guy who has these things you mentioned. I told him last week I fully accept him no matter what process he is in.Thank you for sharing your own experiences.. its precious what you say. I knew these things but I wondered if what my thoughts were is right, your messages confirms it! 🖤😎

@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!!

@part-timephilosopherLol Жыл бұрын

Mat it all sounds really spot on, valuable info. I began my journey to get in touch with my feminine side during coaching with you. Learned about attachment styles as you coached me through (in real time) my relationship with an FA (fearful avoidant) man. Life changing. Teaching the love languages and attachment styles made it easier to see the love in my life. Not everyone uses words. All you have taught regarding women being the emotional conductor. Men lead in their way, women with the emotions. You're right, it is up to us to create that safe space for a man to open up - especially with how men have been conditioned to suck it up and not show a vulnerable side.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I’m glad to hear everything worked out well.🙏 Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you. ❤️❤️❤️

@part-timephilosopherLol Жыл бұрын

@@Mat_Shaffer there was so much to assimilate from our coaching. It’s taking me years, but my life has only improved year after year. Ive been happily settled with someone I knew since I was 14 for over a year now. He’s DA. He’s also kind, loving, stable, disciplined and super touchy feely. A man of few words when it comes to feelings but he says it all with touch, quality time and acts of service. Couldn’t have found my way without you!

@billhosko7723 4 күн бұрын

I don't know if it is possible for anyone to create a more perfect video concerning this topic. You've left a Great Gift to society here. Regardless of sexual orientation. This may be catching you and others off-guard, but your outlook applies to what many gay men have to endure when meeting another guy not fully out and or accepting of themselves. Anymore, the typical representation for Gay men is unappreciative and feminized. It is keeping many gay men 'In the Closet' when there are so few 'regular-guy' role-models. Thank you.

@Mat_Shaffer 3 күн бұрын

Thank you for your honest feedback. It’s important to hear different perspectives, and I appreciate you sharing yours.

@shayleeford8939 2 жыл бұрын

I loved this video! I feel like I related to both sides of this video, thank you for sharing. I really resonated with "men feel like they have to have it all put together to provide a home and stability" this is literally my current work through after leaving my marriage back in November. Thank you for the gentle reminder that I am enough right now.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad!

@Cali12-21 5 ай бұрын

Understood. In conclusion, this all means the person is not in a position to be in a relationship until HE does his own work. A person can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves. Nothing you can do, say, no matter if a woman checks all the boxes, if HE is suffering from the reasons you listed, a woman puts herself in a position to taking the lead on emotional labor. It’s just exhausting. I think both people have to be on similar levels in their healing journey.

@Mat_Shaffer 5 ай бұрын

so sweet thanks for sharing! it's a great connection:)

@katastrophe3556 2 жыл бұрын

Being authentic is so important. Bravo! And it helps us women understand more. ✌🏼

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

I’m so glad this helped you!

@wenderella81 8 ай бұрын

I'm dating a scared man right now. He's an incredible human being. We're taking the time to get to know each other and I'm happy to go at a slow pace to build a foundation. It's recently turned towards the romantic. I know he's terrified due to past traumas so I just keep showing him who I am and that he's safe with me. I'm in no rush. This video is helpful.

@Mat_Shaffer 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@mint_soup9743 4 ай бұрын

How are things going can I ask?

@wenderella81 4 ай бұрын

@@mint_soup9743 he got scared and wants to just be friends but we still spend all our time together. Just continuing to build a friendship and trust.

@melissahoots5179 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Matt, I am learning so many valuable things from you! Each video is a treasure that helps me understand men and myself on a deeper level. Thank you so much for your caring, compassionate heart toward relationships and being human ❤️

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

@cindyhampshire6428 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Mat for sharing your personal life, it certainly makes things more real & makes me understand what men think & feel. 🙏🏻😊

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! I appreciate that 😊

@amyj.4992 Жыл бұрын

I need to heal first, so I don't break apart or anyone else. I need to build a healthy relationship with my energy first, so I can love you correctly 💙💜💓

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

@andreabishop423 2 жыл бұрын

Women feel the same way. When both the man and woman have the same issues but want to try how are they suppose to work to get past their issues?

@RT-fs3tt Жыл бұрын

I have a situation where #1 and 3 are true. It’s really frustrating because I can see he puts me on this pedestal but I’m actually way more flawed than him. He’s afraid I will hurt him but I’ve never wanted someone so much

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Don’t give up on love sister!

@larissahorne9991 Жыл бұрын

The final step in that Aussie tradition was for me to go and talk to Him which I did the next time we were together. After spending the day observing how I interact with others including my helping his Mum out. I'm a warm, cuddly type of lady. He observed within my hearing "She's nice to everybody, young and old!" That definitely made up for that comment he'd made all of those years earlier. We smiled and exchanged a tender look. A little while later we were exchanging those looks and talking to each other with his family looking on. They seemed happy to see that. I decided that what had happened with those gossiping young men needed to be explained to him. So I enlisted the help of one of their sisters who happens to be a friend of mine to explain it to him. That it was a rumour I hadn't Liked him back then and that I did now, she was happy to oblige. Here comes a seventh comment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@juustvibe_ 6 ай бұрын

I have this girl that I like. She’s so pretty and goofy and she loves God. However, I keep getting in my own way because I’m terrified of rejection. I grew up being told that I was ugly and that I never would get a wife. Throughout my dating life, I’ve been cheated on a lot and all these things make me hesitant to try because that stuff does hurt 😅. I had to retrain my brain to learn that all women aren’t the same. I just don’t know how to overcome these emotions.

@Mat_Shaffer 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@nicolestarlight4030 8 ай бұрын

thank you so much for this Mat. as a woman who wants to be that safe space for men to open up to and who is new to learning how to lead with vulnerability, it is so refreshing to hear from a man how that impacts him, and i know you are referring to good men who want a healthy relationship and want to do right by women. from my perspective as a woman, i will say that doing this deeper vulnerability work, and learning about how i have built walls of self-protection around me from my upbringing and how i have brought that into relationships with men, is one of the hardest and most fulfilling and rewarding work i have ever done. my relationships with men keep on deepening and feeling safer (hopefully for us both) as i deepen and feel safer within in myself. i believe this is the real work for us women to be doing; that we need to start by feeling safe within ourselves to open up and truly lead with vulnerability. thanks again!

@Mat_Shaffer 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@winxclubstellamusa Жыл бұрын

I can’t believe that you were ever the 6 months max guy who couldn’t communicate his boundaries! That type of growth is super admirable 😊

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Amazing!

@joansandeen9443 Жыл бұрын

So much wisdom here, Matt. You've helped me immensely. Thank you from my heart!! ❤

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Happy to help!

@larissahorne9991 Жыл бұрын

I've never had trouble attracting guys, basically I just have to be myself. I've picked that up watching your videos. I've been friends with both guys and girls all of my life. I was raised to be a lady who treats everyone well and had some good relationship advice from various sources. I seem to have inherited my Grandma's incredible verging on scary ability to read people including their emotions. If I know someone we enough I'll ask them if my theory is correct in a warm sincere way without putting them on the spot. I hate people making assumptions about me and I won't do that to others. Usually my approach goes over well, but I know when I'm out of my depth. My Grandma saw right through my father, unfortunately Mum was young and wouldn't listen to her. Grandma tried using gentle insistence but it didn't work. Two weeks into the marriage Mum started to understand what Grandma had seen in him. Here comes a fourth comment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@joanagoncalo3935 2 жыл бұрын

So beautiful, Mat, really grateful for all your knowledge and deep insights 🎈💙

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

@joanagoncalo3935 2 жыл бұрын

@@Mat_Shaffer♥️

@KaraTowner Жыл бұрын

Love this video and love you!!! Your work is so wonderful! Thank you 🙏

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Amazing! love hearing that!

@MsBee-oz7vd 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Mat. I was going to say somethings this weekend with my boyfriend. And listening to you was enlightening and I want to thank you.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

Happy to help!

@baryl3969 2 жыл бұрын

You seem exhausted, Matt. If this isn’t the case, I apologize. If it is true, please take care of yourself. Your videos are very encouraging to so many of your viewers 😊

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

so sweet thanks for sharing! its a great connection 🙂

@marthasoto5617 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I have a better understanding of my ,(male),best friend. You are correct about the Mommy influence. Mom is the first female the baby interacts with. His blue print, good or bad. Devastating experiences, like being turned down in a proposal after ordering an engagement ring, thinking this is the direction the relationship is going. Losing a partner to another and so on. A desirable, stable, wholesome relationship is a big investment in time and money. Both need to be grounded and committed to the same goal. Open communication and patience ain't easy but essential. But when that love interest is 20 years younger other dynamics are present. And so on and on it goes.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Amazing Martha🤗 Thanks for sharing it's a great connection🙏❤️

@lonewhitewolf7772 Жыл бұрын

Number 5 is a big one , I know I am not sure I want to try again ever because of these reasons.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I hope it helps.

@juditharowland3461 Жыл бұрын

Good Job! Particularly effective when you shared your personal vulnerability. Perhaps you would consider addressing the possibility that many women are in exactly the same place due to exactly the same trauma. Connecting the two and the case for honoring the sacred in each person, might prove helpful. It is my belief that we all are wounded to some extent and that we have the emotional responsibility to treat each other with respect, solace and especially kindness. I see women who follow the suggestions of others and practice such skills when seeking companionship. Often they do not realize that they are causing disappointment, disillusion and distrust, because their own experiences. What responsibility do you feel a man has under such circumstances?

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@888esoterica 2 жыл бұрын

thank you mat. pure gold as per usual🙏🏽

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

@wildeyedfae Жыл бұрын

I just love how you have shared some (probably scary to admit) intimate stories of barriers for you. I commented on the younger man thread then had a *phone* (no texting!) conversation with my person of interest. I learned a lot of things but got a big sense of this man has trauma somewhere from something. Never wanted to marry or have children...you know those horrible societal norm molds everyone expects you to fit it. But I feel like it has also kept him from finding a meaningful, lasting relationship. No doubt there is so much more to it. For the longest time I thought I wanted a "whole" man, but after listening to your videos I have discovered what I really want is for a man to actually be open, honest and vulnerable because he trusts I am a safe haven. Not a perfect one but one nonetheless. Thanks for your candid truths. Happy Holidays to you and yours! ❤️🎄❤️

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@helensanderson7092 Жыл бұрын

My boyfriend has said he isn't ready for a relationship yet, but says I'm his girlfriend. He's kind, loving, affectionate and tender and he has my heart. He's asked me to move to be near him which I'm in the process of doing.

@helensanderson7092 Жыл бұрын

Do I go with my feelings and move to be near him

@Ljounieh Жыл бұрын

Red flag

@Ljounieh Жыл бұрын

Don't

@Xianne027 Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Matt. I appreciate all of this information. But what is still hard to know is how do you know if his hesitation is due to these fears or that he's just not interested? As you know quite often we woman tend to assume that a man is afraid, when actually he's just bread-crumbing and not seriously interested. In other words, how can we get a better sense of when we're just hanging on to an illusion that he really has feelings for us underneath all that fear, or that we're falsely assuming that he's not interested. Please tell us more!

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your opinion on this!

@Xianne027 Жыл бұрын

@@Mat_Shaffer No, I wasn't giving my opinion. I was asking a question: how can we know the difference between a man that is pulling away because he's afraid and a man who simply isn't interested? I think this is the eternal question and it would be great if you could clarify it for us. 🙏

@melissYAH1986 2 жыл бұрын

Matt I feel like some Men don't want to commit because of the Era we live in where some women are easily throwing themselves at them (free sex without commitment) so if the Man commits he will be losing those benefits of other Women. What do you think?

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

@wendelahansencrows 4 ай бұрын

Thanks you for this, i Will have a wish - I had this answer to the guy I really care, he told me lot of times, he was afraid to love you, and I was little bite hopeless and I had many relationships before him, I was afraid to feel safe with any man- after my younger child. but I don’t have this words to tell him, I really love him- for how he was really are - after all, I don’t know- I can’t get him a back after 5 years. I see - he was the best partner, I think- I hurting him, because I was afraid to be much - how can I get him back?

@Mat_Shaffer 4 ай бұрын

Don’t give up on love sister!

@sandradaeschler6620 2 жыл бұрын

Good one Mat thank you so much! 🙂🤗

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome.

@TwinFlameSpyrit Жыл бұрын

FINALLY, the truth!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing this, it's about time we move away from all the old stereotypes around men and women. God bless.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

@karinaarnold_ 11 ай бұрын

this is truly one of the most beautiful and important videos I've ever seen!

@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@rezon8693 2 жыл бұрын

This vid helps me understand myself and my relationship better. Thank you for sharing. :)

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

I’m happy this resonated with you.

@tamararoovers2204 4 ай бұрын

Thank you to share this and your one vuneralbility Mat it makes a lot clear to me and i think a lot of other women.

@Mat_Shaffer 4 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

@margaretclemens9553 Жыл бұрын

We women put ourselves out there after you hurt us time and time again but you get to hurt because someone hurt you once. Come on.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I promise my dear there are still good guys out there!

@shamayim2001 Жыл бұрын

I think I emotionally am shut down as well

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Don’t give up on love sister!

@Rebecca-GLaines 6 ай бұрын

It all boils down to trust. That's it. Those wall took YEARS to put up, they aren't coming down in a few days or weeks, this takes time. Another thing women mistake this for games, but, it isn't. A lot of women don't have the patience. My lady friends out there, looking for love by an insecure man, you have to treat him like a scored beaten dog. You don't go full fledge w love, that would scare the hell out of them! It's time spent that matters. Allow him to know, you're trust worthy. Be his friend BEFORE his gf! Even if you're interested. Put the pressure aside. If he's spending the w you, let that be enough for the moment.❤ Because it's working for him rather he says it or not.

@Mat_Shaffer 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@deborah2505 2 жыл бұрын

I really like your hair this way. I'm glad you've found love that works for you now. Thank you Matt.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

You are so sweet!

@lisaraper8053 2 ай бұрын

Balogna I told him I’m in love He said he was too. But now will not see me. Said he can’t do it. Too scared. I’m lost and confused

@Mat_Shaffer 2 ай бұрын

It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new

@sitmengchue4077 8 ай бұрын

Men have it very tough in today's world. They need women to give them a break. Just smile at them. 🧚

@Mat_Shaffer 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@larissahorne9991 Жыл бұрын

We Aussies are pretty much the masters of non-verbal communication when it comes to letting someone know we're attracted to them. It's part of our culture to Check Out someone we find attractive as a compliment. Just don't linger that can make us uncomfortable. I know what I'm talking about guys have been Checking Me Out since I was 7. In High School I lost track of how many boys Checked Me Out and tried picking me up etc. 6 months before I'd started High School Mum and I left My Abusive Father. I was fortunate to find a really good Father Figure in My Mum's Sister's Husband. He was a Devoted Husband and Father who'd helped many people over the years. He took me under his wing, you could talk to him about anything without judgement. He was one of the sweetestest, kindest gentlemen you'd ever meet. By observing how he treated others including my Aunty/his wife and other ladies, I learnt what to look for in men. I'm starting second comment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your opinion on this! Thanks:)

@agathajoseph3886 Жыл бұрын

Hi Matt thank you your lesson . Love your hair looking healthy. Keep helping us.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much my dear!

@fearfreelivingllc 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and being transparent. It also gave a lot of insight into a man. Very helpful 💗

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful!

@karinaarnold_ 11 ай бұрын

I just LOVE to listen to you. thank you Mat!

@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын

Happy to hear that!

@byrnadetteramirez8304 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing! God bless you more!

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

@laurenceglynch7622 Жыл бұрын

Tired of getting reamed by someone you thought or were falsely led to believe felt or may feel the same as you is the real bottom line

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your opinion on this!

@dina2561 Жыл бұрын

Powerful and helpful.. I appreciate that a lot ❤️

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful Dina❤️

@goddess4419 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Matt! Much Love!

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

My pleasure! Same to you!

@larissahorne9991 Жыл бұрын

They told Him that I Liked Him when I didn't after a party where I danced with Him once. He couldn't take his eyes off me and according to his Mum he floated home that evening. We live about an hours drive away from each other. The next time we saw each other he saw me sitting down so he sat down next to me. He started looking at me expectantly,. But when I didn't respond the way He thought I would, he became confused and hurt. He said "You're too changeable for me!" Then it was my turn to become confused 😕, I didn't know what he'd been told. Over the years of being friends things started to change. A few days after my Mum passed away he managed to really lift my mood up by letting me know that he still Liked Me in a typical Aussie way. He Checked Me Out, I looked away for a couple of minutes as if to say "Why thank you kind sir." Then I Checked Him Out and watched him Light Up Like A Christmas Tree. I've never seen him so excited. A friend of mine said "You're Mum just died, how come you're smiling?" a few hours later. I'm starting a sixth comment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@livingandloving1 3 ай бұрын

Wauw, thank you for your honesty 🙏

@Mat_Shaffer 3 ай бұрын

Its my pleasure.

@annstar2793 Жыл бұрын

I’d say women have the same fears. I know I do !!

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

@jessicahopkins7105 2 жыл бұрын

Great video. Thank you!

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

@theresiayuliani7008 2 жыл бұрын

Great advice as ussual 😁 thanks matt!!!

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

I’m so glad this helped you!

@mysticintuitive4217 Жыл бұрын

Very helpful, TY

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@adagremi3748 8 ай бұрын

You describe very good.Bravo

@Mat_Shaffer 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@shirleywalker1662 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Matt.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

My pleasure! Hopefully it was helpful🙂

@annabellacrewe8858 6 ай бұрын

Hi Matt ! I have a friend who does not want to committ...I have not asked him why, but I know him well and believe he is afraid that we will not succeed ! He us 70' as I am and he is a widower and had recentky had a relationship, that went wrong....We were lovers many yeaes ago... now we both want to have a close relationship, and I chose to assure him as much as I can, that I love him deeply and always have, though we are "old" now, we have decided to try and we talk deeply about our relationship ?! We do not live together....I need your advise, how can I make him trust, that I love him no matter what ? ?❤

@Mat_Shaffer 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@annabellacrewe8858 6 ай бұрын

@@Mat_Shaffer Hi Matt ! Am I doung the right thing !??

@larissahorne9991 Жыл бұрын

Another reason why I've never had to try attracting guys is how I look. My High School didn't allow make-up but that didn't stop all of those boys. I've got long legs and skin that tans easily. A girl I was friends with who did modelling told me that I had the face for it. She knew what she was talking about, she graduated with a Modelling Contract with the same Agency as Naomi Campbell. Even though I'm in my 40's I still manage to turn some heads including some belonging to younger men. I've had relationship issues in the past either he really wasn't ready or I wasn't. There is a potential boyfriend though. We've been friends since we were teenagers, He started Liking me in our 20's, but I didn't feel the same about him for over a decade. He's always been a Quiet, somewhat Shy Geek of a Gentleman and I've always been a bit of a Firery, Kooky Lady. I couldn't see how things could work between us back then. Unfortunately due to a group of young men who were worse gossips than old ladies he wound up getting hurt. Here comes a fifth comment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@larissahorne9991 Жыл бұрын

It clearly had worked and his Mum was practically welcoming to the family. Amongst what we'd talked about including his being a certified genius and a member of Mensa. Especially when it comes to mathematics and computer science. He has his own small I.T business. I told him I'd had my IQ tested and was told I just shy of being a genius myself when it comes to lateral thinking. His Mum said we need something who's good at lateral thinking that next time she saw me. Unfortunately he and I had a conversation about a couple of fears he had about starting a relationship at that time. One has to do with our religion so I won't go into that. The other was about that fear of hurting and losing me that you mentioned. He has a point geniuses are more inclined to say and do the wrong thing even more than most people. So for then I let him know he could count on me as a friend. The timing wasn't right so I didn't let him know he'd just made himself even more attractive to me. Just one last comment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@zensvlognotapro 2 жыл бұрын

Why men want a relationship if they are not ready to commit ?😊 Good morning Mat and every1 here 🌞🌿☕🧡😺

@katrinaschnatterinaasmr7757 Жыл бұрын

Sex and loneliness.

@hawaiigirl8089 2 жыл бұрын

Matt - is it judgy or, ask yourself if She listens CAREFULLY & hears contradictions in what YOU say & is trying to make sense of what you tell her ! I’m not judgmental as a nurse my training is to LISTEN carefully & I’m a bit older than Millennials (they tend to be a very critical generation) but, my Bf has pulled away & he has said some contractors statements

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@kanishamacleod918 Жыл бұрын

Mat, the man I have been with for almost 2 months does not look at me when he talks to me. He glances once in awhile, but that is it. Is that bad? We are 54.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I promise there still good guys out there my dear! Don't settle yourself for less. You deserved better than that. Just sayin🙌🤗🙏❤️

@Mustangnikki100 2 ай бұрын

Everyones scared but no excuse for bad behaviour ae. They the players who use it

@Mat_Shaffer 2 ай бұрын

Your feelings are important. Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re here for you. 🤗

@bauerontario Жыл бұрын

I love your hair.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I so appreciate you saying that - that was so sweet of you!

@melvaughn29 Жыл бұрын

Yep, I'm pretty stereotypically 'hot'/sexy...modelling agencies sometimes approach me on the street, yet most men avoid me as if I have the plague! I'm 100% ignored. The only time I get attention is by bums, or crazies on the street (men who have nothing to lose) OR guys who yell at me out their car window as they drive by. My love life in a nutshell. The end....haha...i should also say that I live in a Canadian city where the men are known for being passive as hell. It's dire to say the least!

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Don’t give up on love sister!

@ashliestevenson6823 Жыл бұрын

Should I pursue a man who is obviously in shut down mode?

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Give him space, stop worrying about what you did. I promise there are good guys out there my dear! 🤗

@sylviebarcikova5763 Жыл бұрын

I prefer confident, strong men so.....

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Amazing!

@user-wr5kj1uw2x 8 ай бұрын

I did communicate to him that I do love him as and where he is and for what he is. I didn't even ask/ demand for any commitments from him. But then he suddenly pulled back from me. He started ghosting me. Though i know he very much liked me. And i've no clue why he changed 360. He believes tht i respect n love him a lot. But he suddenly started ghosting me. 1st i thought it's temporary n he will be ok with time bt he didn't then i asked him did i made any mistake? But he said it's nothing abt me it's abt him. He has this hot n cold behavior issue. Now i stopped my daily txts as he responds them after long hours. I did this once before as i didn't wanted to imposed myself on him. But he called me after 5 days which shows he don't want to end up with me. But again he started this. I don't know what to do. Pls help me

@user-wr5kj1uw2x 8 ай бұрын

He had a breakup history of around 9 or 10 years back. But he told me that he was the one who broked up as she wanted him to get married soon and couldn't. He never expressed or said he loves me but i can feel that. He always put a facade that he is not interested in love or marriage or anything. But i have seen the spark in his whole body language, and how he was flowing with joy when we first met. The rhythm in his tone, his fondness for me, long talks on calls abt random things. Whole day texting on and off, how he came to my home on eid like a teenager with the excuse of giving meat and suddenly everything shut down. He pulled off himself. First he cut down the duration of daily calls then calling after 2 to 3 days then after weeks and then after 10 days then txts also got lessen now to just good morning and good night. That too after long delays. Even though he knows its hurting me. Even after he cares for me alot. 😢 Neither he is leaving me completely nor coming taking it further.. its so strange. And by the way he is quite mature and a very good hearted person. And so innocent

@user-wr5kj1uw2x 8 ай бұрын

I think he is afraid of my love for him. He don't want to be loved once he said. He got triggered when I confess my feeling while enjoying it too. I am open to listen to him i asked him some of the times but he stopped me from asking anything so personal and i didn't forced him in fear of hurting him. I don't know what to say and what to do now to be him feel ok and back to normal

@Mat_Shaffer 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@user-wr5kj1uw2x 8 ай бұрын

@@Mat_Shaffer I would love to have any advice from you. I don't know why but you seem blessed, wise and a beautiful soul. Stay always blessed ❤️💐

@winxclubstellamusa Жыл бұрын

I thought you were in your 30’s right now! How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking. I can’t find it online, lol.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@monicagreschner8257 2 жыл бұрын

I like your hair like that.

@Mat_Shaffer 2 жыл бұрын

You are so sweet!

@sillonelove Жыл бұрын

The prison part 😂 😭

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

LOL!

@monikaleszko5343 4 ай бұрын

Do you think it took a very patient loving woman to open your heart again ??

@Mat_Shaffer 4 ай бұрын

It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new

@Versatile668 6 ай бұрын

🤔

@whatsername89 Жыл бұрын

There is good info here, but at the same time, women don't want a project. I can be a safe space, but I don't want to be a therapist. Also, why not just watch for the actions to tell you how he feels about you? Why put yourself in the masculine role of asking him how he feels about you and risking the rejection? Just observe the actions, you won't need to ask....

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your opinion regarding this! Thank you ❤❤

@lamrof 11 ай бұрын

Matt is too nice, the presentation is nice, the points made are nice but the world out there is not. Listen yáll the female empowerment movement like feminism has gained women lots of positive strides but men provided the opposing grain at which those strides grabbed on to let women move forward. Get what I mean, the antagonistic role of men in women's movements is inherent in all of them. Now that women have achieved a lot they are trying to form relationships from the outlook of, I have achieved and I deserve a man that can match or at least accommodate it. It is very difficult to find a man and form a healthy long relationship with from this outlook. Most women don't get it.

@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@GenRN Жыл бұрын

Men that don’t want to commit just aren’t that into you.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Good point!

@Ljounieh Жыл бұрын

That's pretty reductionist

@jettytan8970 Жыл бұрын

Men have so many alibis , and some are immature , and afraid to be in a serious relationship, not sure what they want in life , some just play around feelings, and afraid commitment.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your opinion regarding this!

@sharlafenwick4056 6 ай бұрын

Pressure in men to be an agressor? If U want the benefits U gotta take the 1st step., Get over yourself!

@Mat_Shaffer 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@namjoonsgf41 Жыл бұрын

As an attractive woman, i now know why i am single. Thanks for the reality check😅

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

No worries!

@bettyboop3069 Жыл бұрын

The title doesn't resonates with info

@Mat_Shaffer 11 ай бұрын

ok Thanks for sharing!

@tam_to_evolve Жыл бұрын

Honestly I'm tired of hearing these same crap excuses. Like women don't hurt? Like women don't have trauma? Why is it women's responsibility to go above and beyond to baby men that have been "wounded" with the HOPES that MAYBE someday he'll come around a commit? I understand empathy and being empathic but I also refuse to be someone's free therapist. Nah.. I'm good. Either come emotionally available or don't come at all and go work on yourself and your past traumas. And stop making these garbage videos that just enable these type of men and make excuses for them. We're all human we've all had trauma, we've all been hurt. It's up to ourselves as adults to go and heal not someone else to come rescue us. Yes goes both ways

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing:)

@Carrie11177 Жыл бұрын

Ya. No. I don't buy any of this. I have been blamed for not acting interested even when I said, "I really like you". Can't make it more clear. And I'm also not responsible for a man's insecurities. Go to therapy. Heal yourself, dudes. Women are growing more weary of you bs. We believe in you. You have to believe in yourself.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

Amazing I appreciate your opinion on this! thanks

@shamayim2001 Жыл бұрын

Been single for a while . No wonder 😂

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

@shamayim2001 Жыл бұрын

@@Mat_Shaffer they don't approach me or give me a chance . It's strange

@Ljounieh Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry have you just said it's our feminine responsibility to be the emotional safe space?? Screw that!! I'm done being hurt and not looked after. Why do women have to baby sit grown man?? Why do we have to put on twice as much effort. How come we have to heal from our own deceit and heartbreak and abuse but man just can't? This is what keeps women in draining troubled relationships. NO, THANKS.

@Mat_Shaffer Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your opinion on this!