Where do you feel it in your body when your boundaries are being crossed?

After watching this post, I realize that I'm the person who bull dozes, bullys, and makes people feel guilty just to get my way or to get things done. I usually don't respect people boundaries. Thank you for making me aware.

It's weird but I get the feeling of being overwhelmed and I feel it in my smile, I can't hold that fake happiness any longer in uncomfortable situations and then I feel like I might crumble

I'm saying no a lot lately just for practice. Feels great.

Feel it in my heart that something ain't right it feels tighter and suffocating me and my heart starts beating quickly

I am totally guilty of not allowing myself to have distance between toxic people in my life, I always find myself 'keeping my mouth shut' I wish I could have distance between these people but in my situation it isn't really possible , thank you for the video Julia

M soo shocked..How can u always post videos on the topics we are suffering from on the exact time always..💞😍Your videos are really medicine for me...

I find that I don’t really have any problems setting boundaries with people outside my family. It’s my family that I need to set boundaries. I’ve been made to feel guilty when I don’t do something. My family I love them but at times they are too much.

When someone is trying to 'Trigger' me, and cross my boundaries, my chest starts to feel tight, And my jaws start to tense up too... Thank you SO much Julia, for these videos, They are enabling me to cope with my narcissistic 19 yr old daughter who has just had to move back in with me, and has been making my life into a living Hell, unti yesterday, when I found and watched my first of your videos...It was about how to say No...You Have Saved My Life, Literally.

I am waking up at 64 years of age to the abuse I have suffered over the years. I have become an introvert, with no friends, mostly by choice due to the potential abuse they hand out. These videos are a big help. Thank you.

Wow setting boundaries and not letting myself get controlled by guilt

Been there, people pleaser, letting go of toxic relationships

I'm CALM DAMN IT!

Yes, this has been a great eye opener for me. I grew up in a guilt driven home where guilt was used to get people to do or behave the way others wanted them to. One of my older sisters still uses this technique to manipulate everyone she can. I’m learning to set healthy boundaries with her. She will never apologize for anything, verbal, manipulative behavior, she loves to see how far she can push to get what she wants. Sad to say, but that is how she is. She can be your best friend or worst enemy, depending on what she wants. I try to have good relationships with family, family is important, but, sometimes certain members need to be contained and corrected in a respectful manner. Recently, my boundaries were way overstepped by her, she was very disrespectful to myself and other family members. I called her out on this. She hasn’t contacted me for a few days. Her pattern is that she’ll wait for about a week and then call and say something nice, never once acknowledging that she was wrong. Through listening to many of your videos I’ve learned that what she thinks of me does not define who I am. I make my own choices and decisions to define myself. This recent incident with her and listening to this video is perfect timing. Thank you!

I have become absolutely obsessed with your channel! The talk about boundaries and guilt is exactly what I need to learn about. You’re my new favorite thank you so much! 💕

Wow. It resonated with me that toxic people only like me when I say yes and do what they want. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I could cry...I feel so guilt free.

You have truly touched my soul and you have def been getting me "through the crap" Ive gone and go through. You rock pretty Lady! Thanks a bunch xx

Lots of great takeaways in this video, especially around boundaries and people-pleasing. You nailed it: "It might be lovely to always put everybody else first, but it's not always healthy."

Some of these were my past & so clear & some i definately still need to work on. Thankyou for the reality check!!

Yet another incredibly helpful talk by Julia!!! She is the VERY BEST and has such a great delivery. I really liked the part about you can get over guilt but not resentment. That is so true. Thank you so much for all you do helping people!

I recently subscribed because so many of your videos have helped me A TON in the journey to loving myself and becoming a better, healthier and more confident version of myself! I love how you give in-depth relatable examples of your advice which makes it easy to understand and to implement it in my life. You’ve had so many answers to these life questions I’ve always had but nobody to ask to. So much love and a big thankyou!!

Hey Julia. I just wanted to thank you for your videos, but this one especially! I struggled for a long time being a people pleaser, and feeling guilty for saying no to the point where I would say yes to almost anything people would ask me to do. And I would compromise my own happiness so much so that I would feel validated and accepted or appreciated by others in order to get that validation. I was always looking for people's approval even when I knew I was being manipulated at times. But I literally felt like I had to say yes all the time or like you said, suffer the consequences. Lately I've been learning to let go and say no, I've just been saying yes for so long that it's almost an automatic response to other people's requests. And like you mentioned, before you realize it, you've already committed to doing something and you didn't even think, "Should I really be saying yes to this?" So I just wanted to let you know that you are a blessing and your video on healthy boundaries was extremely helpful to me and so Thank you so much! God bless you for taking so much of your free time to post videos like this one! I appreciate it more than I can tell you!

Boundaries and people pleasing. I put others ahead of me for so long that now I am just feeling burnt out in regards to my goodwill towards others or my willingness to help others anymore. I've allowed myself to be used and abused for so long that I am a little bitter about how much pain I have allowed in my life. So as a positive I don't jump up and go running to help someone at the drop of a hat. I will stop and wait to see if they really need help or if they are just reaching out to me so that I can help them and then toss in an "extra favor" that I don't want to do but will end up doing anyways out of guilt and people pleasing. Good stuff Julia.Thanks!

My mother was a narcisisst and she was pretty toxic. She never raised me and my siglings with boundaries. In fact, we didn't even know what a boundary was until I was older. So, I never knew how to set one. I grew up with a lot of resentment for being triggered by other people and now I hate my mother. I never shed a tear when she died. I just got a lot of relief when she died. I have learned what a boundary is and how to use them! Sometimes I now go overboard but the older I get, the better I know how to use them. People who know me are shocked when I set a boundary but I have learned to hold on to one now that I have set one. What a wonderful thing they are. So, it's never too late in your life to set a boundary. Don't ever be afraid ro set a boundary for your self. I have learned recently that my sister is following her mother's footsteps when it comes to being a narcissist. Something I did not realize before recently that she is very narcissistic and tries to crumple my newly set boundaries. She has no reservations when she tries to invade my space, home, children or any other thing she wants to cross. She doesn't mind saying anything to me, good or evil.

Hi there! So, I am glad I listened to this. Especially to hear I do not have to be controlled by guilt. Mostly pertaining to my feeling guilt when I have changed my mind about something I used to agree to. So liberating.

Wow again! Have a toxic friend that I am struggling with right now that makes me fell guilty all the time for not visiting. Feel it in my gut mostly and am trying to slowly push them farther away thanks to you! Love what you are doing for us out here! Thank you❤!

I like how you bring the things down to earth in a very clear and supportiv way. The last of your theses I cannot agree completly because although I can understand why an other person is doing that it is important to accept myself that this is not my way to follow. To understand somebody means not to agree. Thank you!

All 5 - they are all crucial & need to be remembered!! Thanks!

This is my first comment on KZfaq ever... I had to comment on this one. I always struggle with setting up boundaries. Guilt and resentment spoke to me out loud. Thank you so much for making it simple, easy and understandable. You're saving a lot of folks like me. Please keep saving souls

The most mature compassionate nice. 👍

The guilt thing! How it’s easier to work through resentment than guilt. I’ve definitely been in that situation where I should have said no but the guilt made me say yes. Thanks for the advice. I will work on not feeling so guilty over things and that I need to set my own boundaries.

I’ve been working though the challenges for some time now. I find videos like this encouraging. Thank you!

This is exactly the message I needed to hear! I am grateful you are able to share it. I've been struggling with self-doubt, dealing with my conscience, and saying no. After hearing this and hundreds of other inspirational stories. I am ready to take on my new journey and become a lawyer/attorney soon.😁

I'm so glad I found your channel! I have had an overwhelming amount of family related stress lately and your videos have been very helpful.

Yep! Guilt or Resentment... That is my roller coaster ride. I need to be okay about saying no. Thank you!

Great video I'm guilty of all of these n especially with having depression for a long time I always feel guilty n yes afterwards resentment I'm working on my boundaries thank u

All of them! 😳 I have a lot to learn but this one is priority. I have been angry for too long. I’m SO GLAD I came across your page! Thank you!

I absolutely enjoy listening to your videos, it is definately helping me to understand where my issues are as well as my strong points. Thank you

I sense positive vibes from you as you are very open minded, broad hearted and compassionate ❤️thanks😊

Guilt. Oh my gosh the guilt. It’s such a special talent with me. I have been taking steps and have made some great improvements, but it is still a constant struggle.

Creating boundaries and avoiding self-guilt, those are great!

Thank you so much! What you do helps me so much!

So glad I found you!Thank you for sharing your knowledge,big help!

So true. I am going to be more explicit about saying no from now on.

When I decided I am tired of this...realized I have a choice and a voice...I set up AND enforced healthy boundaries. This was 4 months ago. Oh my gosh! It is soooo worth it!!!!

Yes, this is great for me to be healthier. Thank you 😀

Everything resonates with me,I feel the tension in my chest, I think I'm just gonna make a conscious effort not to allow anyone or anything tamper with my inner peace. Thanks Julie you're the best.. Joanna, Nigeria

Simply amazing. Thank you!

Thank you

I can so relate, 😢I am working towards healthy boundaries for my own well being, thank you for your tips and support always ❤️

Thank you mam. Yes this is helpful for many. Life learning goes on till we die.

great content thank you Julia healthy boundaries connect with urself there r conseq juzd say no away from expext move past guilt

Yes, I have been learning to put boundaries with the years and bad experiences that come with not having them, I keep struggling with that, but I have been finding ways of not being totally aggressive to say no, and find soft determining ways that people get clearer. When I get with too much over my shoulders I get stressed in all my muscular body, and recently I started having chest pains with too much stress and a feeling of hard brain, that I got over with positivity videos, healing my physical problems, after dealing with other problems, taking time to analyze my situation, getting over old-time ideas about life that were frustrating me and making me have wrong ideas about myself and my life, listening to your videos and other videos for improvement, rest, drinking lots of water and less sugar. I wish I could get out of toxic relationships, but the reality show in which I am, I am forced into a human family that is very toxic to me always wanting to get their corrupt ways to make their own pathways in the program that has some weakness with them, and they spoil too much in my life. And it seems that no matter how much I protest and try my best to get away, the program doesn't let me take them out of my life. Any suggestion?

Wow I'm learning so much!!!

"they can ask..and we can say no!!" - THAT RIGHT THERE!!!! Will keep it in post it notes ALL OVER!!! I needed this reminder!

Great video. I have always felt guilty for not being able to give a yes to certain people in my lives in certain situations. I have learned to not feel bad about eventually because my intentions were in the right place and i sincerely was not able to give them what they wanted. On their part, they were not able to understand and could take the no as an answer. It made me feel even worse and I tried my best to make up in other ways possible.

Yes I was horrible at setting boundaries. I thought I was being kind or considerate when I accepted stupid shit without snapping or anything... but I grew complacent over time and froze or mirrored people when I didn't know what to do. Setting boundaries is something new for me and I realize that I had no clear understanding of it until about a year ago and still hadn't practiced it until just recently.

Love you for your yes!. That is great!

I can relate to trading in guilt then resenting it. Yes, I am getting rid of toxic people. Only non-conditional love & respect. Yes, I struggle with saying "no" and I want to have healthy boundaries so I can love myself to love others.

It's so important to move away from people who feel toxic to us. Even though our other friends may not feel the same way about them. I recently had to make it okay for myself to drop a friendship while risking my reputation as friendship material with the other women in the social group. I told myself that if the other friendships are deep enough, they'll stay my friend regardless of how removed I've become with the one who makes my skin crawl.

I am going to start connecting with myself more often Thank you Julia for another helpful video Will 🇬🇧

Healthy Boundaries are so necessary to our good Mental Health- I know when I need to step away- even if I don't do it immediately- it all depends upon the situation.

I am committed to loving mySelf and creating Healthy Boundaries. I Am Worth It❣️❤️♥️

Trading in guilt for resentment- that one really resonated with me!

I really enjoyed this massage and it is very helpful

Thank you very much for your videos. Very interesting to watch.

Definitely food for thought

Learning to say no setting boundaries and not feeling guilty I'm 58 and still working on it

Difficult positions - depending upon the intensity and frequency , can create a Snowball Effect that starts with Fatigue- leading to lack of patience with situations and people- leading to a feeling of Anger/ Frustration- leading to Unhappiness with Life in general. Having a series of Healthy Boudaries is Paramount.

Yes all of them x

Thank you so much JK! In my life I have wrestled with ALL of these! One by one I think I overcame them well not 100% better than ever for sure. I actually feel it in my chest stomach and my arms get tingly! Thank you either I learn something new from you or you confirm something! You’re very good!

Julia, I've recently overstepped my boundaries... for sure.! Whoa! let me tell ya! and time has literally flown by (which makes me extremely anxious, seeing that I couldn't realize this sooner) Some information has come to light throughout my most recent visit to my hometown regarding... you guessed it! FAMILY MATTERS/ HISTORY... its made me feel lost, confused, resentful and guilty all at the same time.. I am usually the strong willed one..creative even humorous at times and open to communication... but during my stay I was met with denial ... stiffness, emotional neglect and sometimes flatout rejection. Is this what I have been exposed to my whole life? Maybe I am missing something from my childhood that prevents me from acquiring something in my present.. not sure if this makes sense.. but this video helped me in particular way... learning to release what doesnt serve me and allow positivity into my space... thanks!

Thank you for this sensible teaching video - you have been a big blessing today! B

Thank you so much for this upload! You have gave some good tips/advice! I booted a toxic person out of my life for good as she was just pure mean. I didn't realise it until a few months ago! But life is much better without her :)

Yes to all of the above but what really hit home was the “trading guilt for resentment” ! That’s totally me!

Thanks Julia was great”

As usual Loving your videos!!

Please make a video on how to move through guilt.... Meanwhile, I am new to your channel. And feel a lot more calm just browsing through the content. Thanks for being out there ❤

So glad I found you!

Thanks again Julia 5 good ones, I have been there toxic relationships was my speciality, not any more, I realised my friends were not my friends took me a few years but got there

People can ask , and we can say no ❤️ I wish I could do this I always seem to compromise the most to please others

Thanks sister you are a great light worker 💪😊🙏

Thanks!

Nice video, Julia. I like the black and white - it stands out. Enjoy your content - keep it coming!

I have been guilty of not connecting with the part of myself that warns me when I’m giving to much of my time and energy towards toxic people. I have put myself through so much stress in helping my parents and my last boyfriend for over the past 5 years. I think i knew all along it wasn’t going to give me good results but i kept trying to work at it because i believed my love for them could change them.

Hi Julia, i made the decision to stop pleasing others some time ago (thanks to another of your videos) but what a shock, the change in so many peoples attitude towards me. One of lifes hard lessons learnt! I do really feel better for it though. Your last point connected though about only being liked for the 'Yes' part of me. Guilt and resentment still trouble me though Thanks for your fantastic supportive videos.

I totally connected with the feeling guilty part. I feel guilty a lot of times, even though I know that I don't have to. I can't even stay mad at someone for longer than a few hours, because then I feel guilty of ghosting them. Needless to say, I am horrible at fights or arguments.

Yes I always try my best to help people on when I cannot help them they make me feel bad like I never do nothing for them

To open, I want to thank you for doing these video's, it has helped me more then you will ever know. With that said, I feel that uncomfortable in the pit of my stomach and in the back of my mouth, I grew up in a very abusive home, my mother & father drank everyday and did terrible things to me, i had to be a YES man and people please or it would get very ugly, i knew at the age of 7 I had to get away from them and to learn from thier mistakes and not to copy anything they did. I left at 18, joined the ARMY, put myself threw collage, alone. I have never returned home and have no plans to go back. If i had not set hard boundrys and I would have been miserable stuck in the same place as my family, living there lies and drinking themselves to death. My question is do you feel i was WRONG to completely shut my family out? By leaving and never going back did i in some way hurt myself or dishonor my parents?

feeling guilty and 'people-pleasing has cost me very dearly, across 3 decades of work and relationships. I'm 57 and only just 'growing-up'!

I have a friend who is "pushy" - and opinionated - about everything. I have learned to say " I would love to chat with you at some other time-but right now, I need to take a break". I have to establish boundaries with several friends who are very free with telling me what I should or should not be doing. I am an introvert , I don't like large gatherings and due to my Health Anxiety , am much less likely to attend any gathering where it is guaranteed that there will be folks not masking up or social distancing. My "pushy" friend, is trying to get me to let go of taking precautions and for me, that is not going to happen.

Thanks

I appreciate you....

Hello there. Yes this connected with me...

Thankyou xx

your videos are great and helps me alot hope to see more videos from you

I can pretty much relate to all of these. I’ve always had a hard time with setting healthy boundaries.

You are a great therapist I can practice the things you teach on your videos will my Walk in Christianity and life

Excellent

thank you,, I needed all five. If I don't go to my AA meetings the consequence is I'll probably drink. I could go on and on with the rest but I'm too tired from work. I did take notes though. thanks.