5 Signs The Fearful Avoidant Has A Phantom Ex

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Күн бұрын

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What are 5 signs the fearful avoidant has a phantom ex?
In this video, Thais Gibson explains what a phantom ex is and the 5 signs to look out for if you suspect your fearful avoidant (disorganized attachment) partner has one.
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:54 - The Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
00:01:24 - Sign #1: May Talk About This Person Frequently
00:02:23 - Sign #2: Compare You With The Ex From The Past
00:03:30 - 7-Day Free Trial: Discover, Embrace & Fulfill Your Personal Needs
00:03:42 - Sign #3: May Reach Out To the Phantom Ex
00:05:48 - Sign #4: Connect Indirectly
00:06:09 - Sign #5: Current Unmet Needs
00:08:14 - Lifetime Promo
00:08:44 - Conclusion
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Пікірлер: 25

@anzelaiv Жыл бұрын

Another great video! ❤ We can get stuck on a person, thoughts and fantasies can pop into our minds, but why would anyone think it's a good idea to tell their partner about it, let alone compare them to that other person? Think your thoughts in private. It's very hard to control what we think and feel but talking about it is a choice. Just no...

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Жыл бұрын

Glad you liked this one as well!! ❤

@cappygurl Жыл бұрын

I have a bit of a phantom ex I am 80% secure. He was my most secure partner and relationship. When I was very AP/FA he treated me the best. Every one before and after him up till now have been more avoidant and I really miss being treated so well and being prioritized. Unfortunately I was very unhealed and sabotaged the relationship. I am looking forward to finding someone that treats me just ad well.i really felt loved in a relationship for the first time with him.

@dr.jenniferma3914 Жыл бұрын

After living through this, I will never do this again. I tried to be accommodating but in the end my partner was keeping the phantom ex around for his own intimacy needs and wanted me to be very far away from it. Even though I believe him when he says he wasn't romantic with her anymore, I know that she symbolized something that is unnecessary for a person once they're healthy. Healthy people don't need to keep these exes around only to threaten their current relationships. If you can't have a conversation with one person in front of your new partner, ask yourself why. But the level of consciousness was so low that it wasn't worth all of the effort. I want a partner who knows these rules without explanation. I want a partner who knows what makes sense without going into depth and showing how hurt I am.

@Flayora Жыл бұрын

People seriously need to stop doing this it’s literally so annoying/ abnormal/ hurtful.

@Flayora Жыл бұрын

How do I avoid getting resentful of my bf for doing this? I actually can’t stand it. It makes me feel awful! Just the other night HE volunteered that his ex told him about an anime. I said “she really liked anime” and he had the nerve to defend her by saying “Leave her alone.” I’m kind of proud because I stood up for myself by saying 1) I didn’t do anything wrong by commenting neutrally on her interests. 2) That it was weird that he got SO defensive. I haven’t felt like connecting to him because I just hate feeling compared to a woman (the ex) who wouldn’t flush toilets, had $$$$s of credit card debt she guilted him into paying off, and threw rage fits… it’s demeaning and demoralizing. It’s triggering my FA side so badly and I want to run away from him as soon as I can

@Brandon-yr3nj Жыл бұрын

lol okay…that wasn’t a neutral comment, I can tell from here that it was obviously passive aggressive and intended to make him feel guilty for commenting on his ex. You could have very easily taken an interest in that anime yourself, which is obviously what he was promoting, but you decided to make it about yourself and your own insecurities. “he had the nerve to defend her” is an unbelievably childish thing to say and also implies that you have the right to attack his ex with impunity which is insane. People bring their old interests into new relationships to ease painful memories. His ex represents a failed relationship in his past that he is probably afraid of repeating. Recognize that and stop thinking about yourself. You’re fine. Even when your boyfriend has the nerve to mention an anime someone from his past introduced him to, guess what? You’re fine.

@wf4983 Жыл бұрын

It is so easy and natural to understand your feelings - and have empathy for you being triggered. Even if you would be in the wrong (so @Brandon: it sounds as if your comment comes from a triggered place, too - just from the opposite direction). Clearly, you felt hurt - and the connection to your boyfriend suddenly became more uncertain in your eyes, I guess (something along that line). I would try to become very clear about my feelings, what exactly I feel, why I feel threatend ... and speak about it with my boyfriend - so that he knows what's behind your reaction. There is a need behind all this (need for validation, connection, importance etc. ) - and this need should be honoured (by yourself and your boyfriend). And there is a wound behind all this - and this wound should be understood. And the same is valid for your boyfriend. I think his reaction could have been more considerate, but maybe he was hurt in some way, too. It's also possible that your boyfriend is not really willing (or dismissive) - but you will find out if you are really trying to be open and speak about it.

@RitaP41 Жыл бұрын

Understand your feelings. I'd write out what's bothering me about his situation and what I want, calmly speak to the bf about it and figure out together what can be done differently going forward. Either way you'll have a lot more info after that conversation...

@djenning90 Жыл бұрын

Keith, my deceased partner, turns out to be my phantom ex. He comes up a lot in my new relationship, and I sometimes compare my new partner. You’re completely right, it is because of unmet needs. It’s really food for thought. I’m enrolled in your needs course, and looking forward to discover what I can learn about myself.

@asc_yourself_why Жыл бұрын

Great video as always. Id love it if you could make a video on this topic for a DA please

@Daisylovemj Жыл бұрын

My FA ex talked fondly about his ex often and compared me to her unfavourably many times… major trigger for me as a DA. I was convinced he wasn’t over her and just shut down and couldn’t open myself up to him any more.

@gregorystinette8271 Жыл бұрын

I currently love my dog, but I always think about my previous pets because I loved them so much. Woof

@marinab2503 8 ай бұрын

Have any DAs sabotaged and broken up with girlfriends intentionally to run back to a previous phantom ex?

@lifecoachingtoronto Жыл бұрын

I think a lot of people can relate to the missing the Love & Connection they had with their ex that if they're single now maybe not be feeling, or feeling at the same level :)

@antsanchez870 Жыл бұрын

From the moment I started dating my now ex gf she tried to change how I dressed and who I was...it makes sense now I feel so stupid. Things were going so well, and out of nowhere she said she felt like she was drowning, I tried to just match the energy she gave cuz Im really reserved and secure and try to go with the flow I dont know what I did to overwhelm her I was just really starting to feel so confident in the relationship.

@lmart16 Жыл бұрын

As an FA, I do not have this phantom ex. There are exes and there are possible rekindling to meet up again in the on and off thing but I think an FA that's not swinging in chaos won't have as much baggage as this video seems to think. I did, however, encounter this with someone who was a DA and still crept on their exes while actively dating.

@hunnixox13 Жыл бұрын

What would it mean if your partner does this but all in a negative sense. So being compated a lot as better then their ex or them telling you a lot of negative things about thier ex. Bad experiences with thier ex and issues they had in thier relationship? My partner does this a lot, even 2 years into our relationship and I find it off putting. Even if it's bad stuff, I just dont want to hear about this woman anymore. Any insight?

@Flayora Жыл бұрын

It indicates something is unhealed. I wish I had more to say besides that I’m sorry and it really drives me nuts too. Like get over it already 😊

@hunnixox13 Жыл бұрын

@@Flayora Appreciate that, he's definitely got a lot of unresolved hurt and anger about his last relationship. Exactly it's like, can we just move on and let this be about us and stop living in the past.