Have you watched our video on sign it's trauma bonding, not love? kzfaq.info/get/bejne/aquhldhy0djNnIU.html

1) No responsibility for personal feelings 2) Unbalanced giving at personal expense 3) Boundaries are blurred 4) Not thinking for oneself 5) Losing sense of self

While I'm not in a relationship, personally, I watch these videos. I like to apply these to my friendships. These videos help me read my friendships better, and I cannot thank this channel enough!

As a little add-on: Co-dependency can happen with *any* relationship; romantic, platonic, familial, work/business- all that have two or more parties. It's not exclusive. However these signs are still important to watch for regardless.

I was in a co-dependent relationship during my first marriage. The loss of self happens slowly, until at some point you don’t recognize yourself at all, it took me 13 years to figure that out. I had 3 kids with him and sadly they were all mistreated then and now by him. I had my own issues going into that relationship but not as deeply as his. My wanting to be loved after being raised by not so loving parents really didn’t help. I learned to not get into relationships without firmly knowing who you are. I finally met a man who helped me grow and realize a perfect working and romantic relationship can be had. We’ve been together for 20 years and it’s been the best ride of my life.

time stamps! :) 0:01 Intro 0:40 1. No responsibility or personal feelings 1:24 2. Unbalanced giving at personal expense 2:19 3. Boundaries are blurred 3:07 4. Not thinking for oneself 3:57 5. Losing sense of self 5:15 Credits have a good day/night! 🧡

You feel like you need to save them from themselves. ... You want to change who they are. ... Taking time out for self-care makes you feel selfish. ... It's difficult to explain how you're feeling about your relationship. ... You feel anxious when you don't hear from them. ... You have trouble being alone.

I'm codependent. I also have a very healthy relationship. We support each other, validate and approve. Are excited for each other and share everything. He's generous, and my love language is giving. We need self care help, that is true, but, we seem to keep up at times. Boundaries are in place for privacy and respect, active listening. And we do say no, with an explanation. We think for ourselves and we share these thoughts and we learn new things from each other. I'm 8 years in. We are recovering addicts with different opinions and being respected for different opinions and this shit about not sacrifice and compromise instead. No need to bea martyr. Keep friends, check in, tell them what happened, things will be okay. Interdependence is a new idea for me. Resewrch.

My gf and I met last October during the school year and I remember when we first met I definitely had more of a sense of self worth and confidence. I was comfortable with myself and being alone and happy witho who I was. Highschool(sophomore) is definitely a breeding ground for insecurities and negative habits to form. What started out seemingly healthy and enjoyable as a friendship, which turned into a romantic relationship, into something that hurt me(codependency) I learned a lot. I think its time for me to start worrying a little more about myself and regain that connection I lost with my own self. Its my life and I need to live it, I cant let others enslave my life or dictate it with their own problems or opinions they might have.

This completely sums up my last relationship. There was a lot of patience on my end, and a lot of giving on my end. There was no time for me to have time for myself, and I found myself taking the blame for a lot of problems that we had. I was apparently in the wrong whenever I wanted to do something for myself. I had to constantly reassure them that I loved them completely and that there wasn't anyone else I was looking for. Honestly I wished things could've been different, and that's why I tried to take steps towards changing myself so that the relationship could be more stable and sturdy, but it seemed that only one of us were hell bent on making it work. It's sad that it ended with no words because there was never a bad and forth sense of communication, which is needed in a relationship, but what's done is done. I can only hope now that whatever changes are being made for the both of us, they work out in the end.

Instead of accepting the boundaries of my own individuality, I feared that I would not have been accepted, and that I would have been viewed as incompatible, to which I cancelled a lot of the good things that made me me for the sake of not being what I feared. The difference is subtle, but the intention of your being (avoiding bad or doing good) I've found is one of the most powerful dichotomies in my own psychology. Love and be yourself, and don't let doubt run your life amuck.

Though I’m not currently in a relationship I love these videos because they truly help me be more self aware and treat my friends and loved ones better 💛

Not just romantic relationships either. Happens in friendships too. When someone ties their mental health to your constant presence. I feel trapped.

Although I was in a relationship with a good woman, the line between love and dependence dissapeared. After a year, when I decided to break up, it was a very violent moment for both. Take care of yourself, because it is a form of respect for you and your partner.

I watch these videos to learn from my mistake of being unhealthily attached to someone. I had a codependent relationship (non-romantic way). It’s so bad because you really lose all your independence and in some cases, become very obsessive over one person and that relationship so you forget about everything/everyone else in your life. You constantly need reassurance from that person. Need of attention 24/7. You become incredibly jealous and possessive. Sometimes you can’t even stand to see that person happy without you. It’s so toxic and sad. In these types of relationships, it’s selfishness not love and you will never be happy because your needs are impossible to be met. I think it comes from a place of abandonment issues or things to do with your childhood maybe an unavailable parent. It’s best to get out of these relationships for your OWN good. I don’t really think it’s anyones fault. Both parties might genuinely care for each other but simply one is too attached so it’s imbalanced and it won’t work out. Just love yourself first, don’t let other people take control of your emotional needs, learn to understand yourself and then love someone else.

5 signs you are in a codependent relationship: 1) No responsibility for personal feelings 2) Unbalanced giving at personal expense 3) Boundaries are blurred. 4) Not thinking for oneself 5) Losing sense of self

I'm not at present in a relationship the one I came out of taught me not to attach myself to anything or anyone because everything and everyone comes and goes and I don't lose myself.

My partner and I are actually in a codependent relationship, but so be fair it's only my second and we both have a lot of problems. We will work to make our relationship healthier in the future. ^^

My first relationship was a pretty mess. A bit toxic abusive maybe, not sure, but I'm pretty sure it was co-depedent. Almost a year has passed since we cut contacts completely, just see each other when both want to be with the same friends, but never speak, only if it's something important, but only a few words come out. This to say, if anyone here is going through something similar, please know that it WILL get better. It won't ever go to how things were before, but, that's not necessarily a bad thing. You already lived without that person in your life before, you can do it once again. New people will come eventually, and even the old ones, I'm sure they'll be happier after seeing you're starting to be yourself again (believe me or not, it's noticeable when it starts getting too much, but most people don't know how to react, they don't even know what's happening since you're prone to distance yourself from everyone) It's hard, and sometimes it still is for me, but I'm definitly doing better than I was last year around this time, so don't lose hope :) Stay strong everyone

Honestly, I feel there is nothing better than absolute independence. There is a reason why I have been single for years.

Love this! Needed to know so I could recognise my own patterns of dependency

I'm going through a time where I seem to have lost myself. This video explains why, because I find myself to do all 5 things your have summed here. I already knew somewhere in the back of my head, now I can start working on this. My girlfriend is amazing, but I really have to thing about myself too!

thank you for talking about this, I think so many people are in codependent relationships not only with their partner but also with family members or friends and struggle to recognize it or to get out of that codependency

Can we all take a moment to appreciate how amazing this animation is they make it TOO CUTE!!!

This 100% but with my mom. I recently lost her to cancer last year and the past few months have been extremely difficult. I'm struggling to find out who I REALLY am without her.

This was pretty enlightening Looking back on it, I never noticed the cracks in the relationship until it was too late.

This is the video I needed. I've been trying to pin down what was going on in my relationship so I could better get a sense of what I would need to develop in myself. This all resonates. Thank you

Definitely in a codependent relationship. I got in the habit of not saying no. But she kept pushing. She took more and more of me. I ended up doing literally everything for her. But when I told her it was too much she broke down. I gave in because i felt bad, but it made me angrier and angrier. I began lashing out in other areas of life. She simply wouldn't listen when I said it was too much. She had anxiety and difficulties at work. She felt fully justified in leaning on me and using me for 100% of her needs. It wasn't fair.

excellent video. The video made the meaning of a "co-dependent" relationship less ambiguous to me. It seems I have a few I wasn't aware of.

Once you've made the decision to move on, don't look back. You will never find your future in the rear view mirror.

I seriously just subbed because of your calming, ASMR voice

Work on building a healthy relationship and falling in love with the person that you see everyday, who has been through so much pain and heartache, but still manages to gets through it all.❤️ 💙KZfaqr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationship

Loved the vid as always! ⚠️VIDEO IDEA could you think about discussing life with chronic illness? Specifically how it takes such a toll on mental health, I’m sure it would be appreciated by many!! ❤️ keep up the great work!!❤️

Life is too hard

I was the codependent on my last relationship. I need to feel reassured and I was always anxious on things like what he does and whats not, why is he doing this and why not, sort of things. And I know the reason behind my actions, he constantly lied to small things, never gives something unless I told him so, gaslights me, manipulates me on situations that makes me look like the bad guy. Opening up on my feelings just to be told that I am just starting a fight, or " we talked about that what else do you want?", plays his game while I am crying, being ignored, then tells me to shut up and "are you done?" I think I was in a narcissistic relationship. This made me so dependent on him because of the love bombing. Now that I am 3 months out, I am trying to fix my self again, I feel so much better, I am not anxious about something anymore. I realised that I needed validation because he was manipulating me into being one, like blocking me then ill chase him, saying sorry for something I didn't do while he waits, making me feel like a puppet and a dog. Their was a time that we didn't talk for 3 weeks and he emailed me for a talk, the first thing he told me was "it's been three weeks, are you not saying sorry?" That was the worst shit ever, I was building myself up for that three weeks slowly getting my confidence back, and then he destroyed my peace. I felt like I didn't have a choice I WAS the one who begged for the relationship even though he was like that, it was like he wanted to destroy me and he was happy with what's happening. So for anyone who's in a similar situation, prioritize yourself things will get better I promise. I am assuring you that you don't need someone like that to make you feel worthy. You ere worthy enough

I have been in a co-dependent relationship with family. I was an extension of them and I experienced all of these signs. To this day, I am fighting to regain control of my self confidence. Some days it's hard

i deal with patterns of codependency and with my girlfriend i can positively say that as far as im aware my side of the relationship shows little to no codependency. its a blessing my recovery has shown. i do my best to keep my codependency patterns to myself without passing them on to everyone else.

Damn. This hits different. Somehow I’m not single anymore (😊), and both me and the person I like have both struggled with a LOT of shit. And we’re both pretty happy now bc we like each other and think the other is awesome and amazing, and we’ve helped each other before we liked each other because we understood the other needed help with their feelings and actions. But now after watching this video, yeah it hits different. I’m gonna send this to her after finishing this comment. Again, damn.

I never had a sense of self… so I didn’t lose it… I just continued childhood stuff. But I’m learning! Yay!

My boyfriend who dumped me today definitely was everything in this video without communicating it to me... I thought we were doing fine, but he was sacrificing his own needs and hobbies without me knowing and started blaming me for it, thus poisoning our relationship... I wasn't perfect too, but he definitely just tried to "parrot" me thinking it was making me happy until he got too exhausted. Then it was my turn to forcibly accommodate to everything he wanted to do suddenly. And I was giving and giving, until it reached a point where he just neglected me for fulfilling his personal needs every day week after week and attacking me if I implied we should probably do something together too as if I was the mother of all evil stopping him from filling his need to play video games without me.

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough” ― Oprah Winfrey ✨ Being grateful is a TOTAL GAME CHANGER! ❤️

Added to my personal playlist♡

I'm starting to breakdown and exhausted. The only time I get to do the things I like is when she's at work (even then I still don't disconnect fully because of text). I have an avoidant attachment (which I'm working on) and the anxious attachment she has pushes me away little by little. 😢

for some reason i feel like i would get into a codependent relationship, in real life the likelihood of that happening to me is a bit lower than what i imagine ;-; for i normally don't set boundaries but as soon as it's not as huge group of people ignoring me like i'm cosplaying as an invisible ghost i set boundaries much better 😊Also i love this animation style! ❤

i described a toxic relationship i was in as codependent based on what i knew from biology and months later, i can see us in every one of these signs :'>

i was in a coodepedent relation, the sad part is that she never want it to talk about us, and when i tried to resolves some problems she screames to me

I'm a chameleon i copy the behavior, movement, likes and dislikes of those who I'm usually with although I'm trying to stop that habit I can't help but sometimes try and be like my partner although i stop my self as soon as possible this video helped me navigate what bad habits and red flags i need to stop. My partner has also been through traumatic experiences in which where he can't decide for himself most of the time which is why i encourage him a lot to try and decide for himself this Video gave me a boost and more confident that i should help my Partner more with things like these.

Very detailed and clear explanation 👏 👏 👏 So informative and helpful to understand people...

Much needed content ❤️..thank you

I'll take one!

What does it mean when your boyfriend can't move out on his own? Like he would only move out if it is with me but I am not financially ready. What does that say about him? So, if we do move out together, does that mean he doesn't have to be alone 24/7? Perhaps, he does not like to be alone at all.

My girlfriend broke up with me four days ago because she said she may never have been ready for a relationship in the first place. Which seemed so odd to me because she was always talking down on her exes, and how she only dated them because she felt alone and wanted to be fulfilled. After she met me four months ago, she said that nobody has treated her like I have, how I would prioritize her over something minor like a video game or something that can be done later without her even asking or acknowledging it. She always loved going out with me and always wanted me to spend the night with her, and so did I. This relationship seemed like the perfect relationship for each other. Overtime, the signs of co-dependence on both sides never hit her until last week when she realized that we both hate ourselves, but love each other very much. She witnessed me cry in my sleep almost every night when we slept together, noticed me not being cautious for my safety when speeding on my Onewheel, and giving to her and others instead of using the resources for myself. On her end, she was doing the same. She would cross the street on a green light, pay for gas money to get groceries for me when my sister wouldn't feed me or the kids when I was jobless, and she would mostly flashback to her past with her family trauma. We both cared so much for each other and each of us had a shoulder to cry on. Every time I would call her beautiful and compliment her on her kindness, she would reject it as if it were untrue. She would hate her body, even though everyone else wants to look exactly like her, and even say she's the reason her exes treated her so bad. She realized this before I have, which hurt me a lot and caught me off guard when we broke up. A cried and screamed for an entire day because she was the best I ever had, and I can't imagine replacing her. However, she has been updating me occasionally on her finding herself by finding things she enjoys, starting another routine, and taking care of her finances more. After me crying non-stop, I started to realize even more how dependent I was on her. Every time I felt sad, I would unintentionally vent very traumatic things that happened to me to her, even though she had hers as well. She would do the same for me, but we were both willing to listen and talk it through. At the end, we both felt like crying in person or over the phone. Now that we're restricting contact with each other for a while, I have reconsidered going back to college to help me get back in a routine, regain even more hope for the future, and even made some new friends ever since. I still miss her, but we both knew this decision was for the best, even though it really hurt us both to do it. We're both working on bettering ourselves and loving ourselves more so that when we may or may not get back into the relationship, we will both be happier people in a matter of a few months from now.

Codependency is one thing that ruined the interested in relationships as a whole the fact that somebody can’t go 24 hours without being on my phone is very annoying to me. I need somebody that has a life and has things to do outside of me and being on my phone

No comments? Hold my juice box! I recently got in a new relationship. Well not "new" I guess since I dated him before but I had a major anxiety attack and had to call it off for the time being. In the time since, I had grown very close with one of my other best friends (they were sorta like a mother figure to me, despite being a year younger) and was imagining living with them and--once my anxiety got under control--realizing I had some romantic feelings for her. However, they found someone else to date (we're still friends) and watching this... At least 3 of them match what I was going through with her (I was the codependent one...) and I've since learned how to love myself and reconnected with old friends and started dating one again. (My current bf is fully accepting of all the things I thought were weird or not suitable for a romantic relationship. And he accepts that I'm asexual/aegosexual and loves me anyway!)

This is incredibly insightful, thank you ❤

Jesus... how come we never see the red flags when we’re in a relationship? It’s terrifying. I left him because I didn’t love him anymore and not because of how codependent we were. I couldn’t say no to him or he’d took it on a personal level and I’d have to reassure him. Whenever I was depressed (I have clinical depression), he thought he was his fault and again *I* had to reassure him. We couldn’t have an honest argument about something or he’d start panicking. And finally, when I left him, I spent hours on his sister’s story making sure he was alright and he didn’t k*ll himself (he had history about this).

Thank you for the video 10 out of 10.

I’m not sure if I’m in a codependent relationship, but I do know for sure that I am always thinking about others and neglect to take care of myself and my feelings. I’ve let others walk all over me my entire life.

I worked under a boss who was engaged to my coworker (an issue all on its own). The biggest thing about their codependency was that we could all tell my boss was constantly doing whatever to make his fiancé happy even if it was clear he wasn’t about it, he would still try to act happy. He also couldn’t say no to her which caused a huge problem with favoritism in the workplace (allowing her to do things he would never allow the other workers to do). People I’m sure thought I was just being mean when I said they’re codependency is toxic in so many ways because “they just seem so happy!” Because they act like they’re in a constant honeymoon phase. Working with them everyday though let’s you see the cracks in it that others might not get to pick up on

So me and my ex broke up because I became so co dependent with our relationship once I got sober. We noticed it became toxic and she was losing her self to prioritize my needs and sobriety. She’s the best and I feel so bad I wasn’t able to see this at first. Although, we broke up we ended it good terms and are still good friends, but I’m learning to be dependent on God and my self, in order to be of service for my partner in the future. I do miss her dearly and have hopes we can get back together, but for now I need to really prioritize my needs and she needs to prioritize hers. If and when we get back together I am positive we will be interdependent and I’ll finally be able to be of service for her!

I had all of these with my ex girlfriend, but as soon as I was starting to struggle more and more with my own mental health, she left me after 2 years in the relationship.

I always thought we're in a codepedent relationship, but it looks like I have to search for a new term

My partner is draining me and it’s so annoying. Will soon break it off with him. We have a child but he is a grown man and depends on me too much. Without me he would be able to do the things he do and it is draining. Time to move on.

This was 1000000% me 👏🏿🤦🏿‍♀️ but I've been working on it with therapy

Okay but what if you do it on purpose and on your own will

True. Good sharing.

Can you guys make a video about Interdependence? This was good and helped a lot, but i'm curious as to what interdependence actually looks like.

When my kids father left me it left a huge hole in my heart. I had always taken care of him and supported him but then he ran off to support someone else. He became so desperate to be needed by this girl and she was so hopeless at life that he took it upon himself to try and fix her. Along the way their relationship fell apart again and again and he would always tout the idea of us getting back together right before he would just run back to her as soon as she was available. Even though he stabbed me in the back repeatedly, I constantly found myself so weak when he’d pretend to want to be friends again that I went right back to cooking for him and cleaning for him and loaning him gas money and just trying to support him. Sometimes I’m so embarrassed of myself.

My current girlfriend had an emotional dependency on her last relationship.. He used to beat her , yell at her etc.. Why doesn’t she have the same emotional dependency on me? It makes me feel she had much more feelings/love in her past relationship and not with me.

Theses things should be taught in school, so when you become adult, you know what to do and not to do.

this was extremly helpful for someone who experienced all of these without realizing what it was. Thank you for sharing

To be honest with you yes I get clingy with Freddie my boyfriend because I never had enough love from my family aka my mom Terry because she wasn't always there for me when she passed away years ago due to cancer and I never forgave myself for not being able to see her again because of how impossible it is to heal after continuing trauma I'm always dealing with pain and suffering and I don't do it on purpose I just don't like being alone knowing I don't feel safe alone knowing what could happen to me and I'll never survive

I had a friend at school once who I was very connected to same for him we would try to follow each other and I also have mixed feelings for him

I am codependent to a narcissistic gaslighter. He just broke up with me yesterday and I feel like I am dying. I never realized I was codependent I just thought I was always putting him first because that’s what you do when you love someone and I always expected the same efforts but he never wanted to cuddle or hold hands or kiss or show any affection really. I’m very affectionate and he used to be too but I fucked that up and he never bounced back even though I changed. I realize I’m looking for ways to blame myself for him leaving because I miss him so much I don’t know what to do with myself. He’s been very very mean to me and it’s draining to constantly pay for all his stuff and show him love and cook and clean and work and do everything and when I ask for cuddles to go to bed it starts an argument. I don’t understand

Why is her voice making the topic more confusing?

Ty as Always💖❤️💖💚💜🧡

Self abandonment hurts so much just to please the other it never turned out good 😭

After 5 years of being in completely unkowing about this. I realiezd this is where I was the entire time.

I'm in a relationship where my partner does everything, but that includes trying to split me from my family; my son left me because of this and after that he would ask me where I wanted to go then change his mind during the journey; I'm now going crazy because if I try to do something, it's not good enough or I didn't do it correctly. I'm moaned at ALL the time because I forgot to do something and now I'm feeling suicidal. It's getting rediculous. Every morning he will come down from the bedroom and ask me how he looks, and if what he's wearing looks good on him; one day I just glanced at him and said yes you look okay... I thought he was going to have a meltdown because I didn't admire what he was wearing, yuk!.

I feel like i’m the one who is codependent on my boyfriend. he’s one of the only people i’m really close with and i’m really protective of him which makes jealousy a really big issue and a nasty feeling. it hasn’t led to any fights, we’ve never really argued and he’s very open minded to making me more comfortable and im really gratful! i just think a lot of that jealousy comes from codependency and i want to be less dependent on him but don’t really know how. :(

I might be in a codependent with two of my friends but it is somehow it is the only thing that keep three of us going. It might not been healthy but for us it is actually enough. We all depended on each other

I used to be in one like that and it was really bad because i felt like i only needed to do whatever they want and i couldnt feel happy without them

this applies to my friendship I had with someone.

Well put together video.

Okay sure... now how do I handle this with my sibling?

If you are helping somebody or associating with somebody and alot of time your'e thinking of it more so as an obligation, a duty, a chore, something which you have to do or that you're doing it because your indebted or that you owe somebody something as opposed to just simply doing so because you want to or because it's out of the goodness of your own heart then you are most likely dealing with a codependent relationship in my opinion.

oh man i wish i couldve watched this 2 months ago 😭 well now i know better

What happened to the video on tips for dating a codependent person. I had it saved, of course that’s the one I need and of course that’s the one hall take down. I appreciate all you do of course. Just frustrated the ONE video I saved for reference I can’t find anymore

My partner does not have a license and needs to get to work or stay at my house, but I’m dealing with an ex who family law courts have gave complete control to. I feel like I have no choice but to be in these co dependent relationships if I walk away from the ex I don’t get to see my beautiful girl, I love my new partner but I am tired battered and trying not to be codependent, my ex won’t allow me time with my daughter if my partner stays at my home. I’m so over it all

I have borderline personality disorder so I’m way too co dependent on my partner which isn’t a good thing.

I was in the codependent relationship for 11 years myself from empath and the last couple years she became very narcissistic nearly lost everything

these videos let me cope with the fact that the girl I like probabbly doesn't like me, she probabbly doesn't even like girls

How would a co-dependent relationship work if the other partner is severely disabled. With around four physical and four mental disorders?

too early to be any time stamps..

Keep up the veidos love them

Whoa! How sad! I am in copendent relationship!

What are those 2 things

Why do I deserve to receive as much as I give? I'm lucky just to be in a relationship, I should do everything in my power to preserve it, shouldn't I? So what if it's at a personal expense, I'm not lonely and that hurts way more than what I'm giving up for my relationship. Plus, this is the first relationship I've ever had why would I be dumb enough to think I can achieve this again? I feel as though I'm taking a huge gamble if I break things off.

here is my question, can the relationship turn into a healthy relationship? can you "reverse" the co-dependency or if you have the signs, just jump ship?

When I look around, why does this seem normal to me? What does the opposite of co-dependent look like? How do we get there? Does anyone have any resources?