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I think the biggest one that I struggle with is expecting the other person to bring me endless happiness like they’re a god or something.

0:28 1. You are bitter or angry. 3:08 2. You are not fully over someone else. 4:25 3. You are emotionally unavailable or immature. 5:44 4. You do not want to put in the work or effort. 7:35 5. You are not willing to compromise.

I’m not ready at the moment. I want to improve myself first mentally and physically. I’m going to start going to the gym, eating healthy, improving my fashion and saving money. I want to be at my best and I’m no where near that yet.

I’m single and have finally gotten to a point in my life where I desire to be in a long term relationship, but I’m tired of first dates and spending money in the process for it to not end up anywhere. That’s the most discouraging part for me.

Relationship takes works on the man and woman. It's a two way street. There's always something you don't like about someone. Maybe you're neat and the other person is messy.

Spot on! I was bitter for awhile about how my last relationship ended. Went on a Tinder date recently where my date told me she still had feelings and “would always” have feelings for her ex. Yeah that didn’t last.

I always get told by people “I have high standards”. I feel there are something that shouldn’t be compromised on. For example, I think have a common worldview is an important pillar in a relationship. Also, dating with same intentions is extremely important as well.

I just went through a (thankfully) peaceful divorce after eight years. I have two kids and I'm living alone again just trying to be a good dad. Although there are periods of loneliness, I'm convinced, for me at least, that the single life is way better. I'm 42 and I now know that marriage just isn't for me. Will I meet someone special in the future when I can barely walk? Maybe. But I love the way it is now. I finally feel free again and can be ME. No walking on egg shells anymore.

Oh my goodness i needed this. Just got divorced and need to heal. All my guy friends are talking up the single life and trying to get me to ask out every girl around. I'm just not there yet. I dont want to waste my time or any girls time.

This is great Courtney. The points you make that resonated the most with me were not getting over a previous crush and not commiting to improve myself. I feel like both of these reasons to varying degrees are holding me back in the dating game.

I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been since childhood. I’m currently going to school to become a Nurse and I just picked up a summer job. Granted I’m only 20, but I battled a-lot of demons and project my own misery onto others during my teenage years. Lost a lot of friends and my attitude strongly affected my relationship with my mother. I graduated high school in 2021 and during Covid I became a stress eater. I stopped being an asshole but the weight just packed on. I graduated 185 pounds . 4 months ago I weighed in at 235. That must of been my magical number because I completely overhauled my diet and started working out for the first time. In these past 4 months, I’ve lost 22.5 pounds and this morning I weighed myself at 212.5 pounds. I feel absolutely amazing and I’m also starting to to see muscle definition appear in my upper body, which I’ve never had before. So mentally, I crossed all these points off in your video. I just feel like holding off on dating still and working on my physical health and college. Granted I’m open to the idea, just not a obsessively pursuing it. About a month or two back my mom talked to me about all my positive changes that have I have made. She told me this is the happiest she seen me I a very long time and that it finally feels like she has her son back🥹

Last time I was in a relationship was roughly 8 years ago. I havent been on a date since then. It's also incredible hard to persue relationships when you have ASD.

I've been very bitter and lonely for a long time, definitely within the first category. One thing that I've found that helps with this is establishing hobbies and activities that still provide a social life.

Thank you ×1000 Courtney! This is pure gold. So much pain could be avoided if we were to follow some of this advice. ❤🙏🏼🤜🏽

I haven't dated since 2011 and now I realized I wasn't ready to date then. Dating is hard and not worth the effort anymore but of others want to jump in the dating pool, this is great advice.

Lol so many good points. Immediately clicked play when I saw the notification because I knew I wasn't ready yet. Very validating and illuminating on next steps.

49 here and never had a relationship. Ever. I’m the textbook definition of a man child. I purposely avoid dating, meeting others even flirting. Simply because I’d make a horrible partner. Id rather play video games, travel and work out. As you said Courtney I’m way too emotionally immature and the thought of a partner is like a second job. I don’t want to put in the effort at all. The thought is like having to get a route canal. I’m also way too selfish to compromise. The difference is I know all this. I feel like I’m doing everyone a service by not dating.

"evaluate it"👌 Listen to her! If you refuse to process your emotions, they will linger on. For years. You'll get stuck without realizing it. That's how you get those bitter middle-aged people with chronic dead eyes. Do NOT suppress a breakup or a rejection or a fight. Cry, scream into a pillow, then calm down, think, learn and if you can't seem to get it out of you, get help like she said. LISTEN TO HER! sheesh...

Whew - it has been a while, and I realize I am still not ready. Will keep bettering myself and soon enough I will be. Thank you.

WOW - Tough love today! JUST what we need to hear. This may be your best video Courtney, these are all very important. I think I pass the test, but I am going to rethink again how I am doing in all these areas. Courtney, thank you for telling us the hard truths, but in such a kind and respectful way and not being critical. You really encourage me! THANK YOU

I just got out of a relationship where I was told my efforts never counted or never mattered. All she cared about was being taken on dates, but not about how much I put in around our apartment or to keep us going (e.g., cooking, cleaning, etc.). Then she would tell me it was my fault, but she never did anything to support me. It's so hard to hear the effort example though for some reason cause I still feel like maybe I actually wasn't putting in enough effort, but I put in so much for so long and then when I needed the support for real, she blamed me further.

Good points. Far too many people bounce around between partners because they can't stand the thought of being alone, yet they haven't really done the internal work required to make relationships last. I get that it's rough out there, but there is an aspect of individual contributions to those situations most of the time. At the end of the day, it seems like people who are ready to date and willing to put in the effort will make it happen with the right person. If you're not really ready for it, even if you say to others that you are, it's unlikely to really work out and you're better off waiting until it's actually time.

Yeah I would say I’m not ready at the moment. I have been struggling with social anxiety from interacting with co-workers and am actually working with a psychiatrist and actively looking for a therapist for managing it. I also can have some difficulty with trusting new people. I’m not that emotionally available right now. But hopefully with me getting the help I’ll be ready to date by the end of this year 😄

Very important video. I usually have criticisms for dating related videos I've seen, but I got nothing to criticise here. I agree with all the points here. Love it!

I feel these are all great things with regards to dating oneself. Once I started loving myself and being able to take myself out on dates just for myself, that’s when it became a lot easier to talk to others and go on dates. That and practicing boundaries for myself. ❤️

I’m newer to your channel but I’m hooked. I’m glad I stumbled across your channel. It’s helped me learn a lot, both for myself and how to recognize things in women. Always helps to get outside perspective. Thank you for what you do 😃

The one that I am having a lot of trouble with is putting myself out, because of the past friendships that thank god didnt turn into dating relationships, which i am still having trouble getting over. The part where Courtney mentions that men and women say that "all women are bad," or "all men are bad," i do get those thoughts, but at the same time I tell myself, there are good women out there, and not all are bad. One thing that I do want to say is, despite how toxic society is its just so difficult to talk to people. I mean I used to be extrovereted but since COVID I have changed and I will admit it. However, one thing that I have noticed or it could just be me, many couples are breaking up or getting divorced and it breaks my heart.

Wow, those 5 signs are definitely a reality check. Thanks Courtney.

I completely agree with the point of taking time to heal from a previous relationship. Years ago, I took the time to heal from a bad situationship, and it was the best move I could have ever made.

I feel you must be a fully healed and perfect specimen for relationships. I've been emotionally f***ed up and broken since my dad passed suddenly three years ago. Even with therapy and medication, there are certain parts of me that have drastically changed and will never fully be the same again. Relationships are like raising and potty training a puppy or kitten, and I don't have the time, patience, and capability of getting involved in that ordeal.

Spot on Courtney ive been single my whole life and im ready to start a long term relationship im ready to put in the work and effort in order for this to work, i have a healthy and positive mindset and a healthy personality!! All im waiting for now is a perfect partner

Courtney is the big sister I always needed. Thanks for the free but priceless advice

Courtney, I just discovered your videos and they are so helpful. You are incredibly insightful.

Also like how you just slid Better Help in there lol. Smooth 👌

I will say, your channel is fantasic for advise, I has helped me immensely move forward with my current relationship that I never thought would happen. Honestly, great job.

I often hear the advice that you just need to go on more dates. Ok, sure. I've seen girls say they went on 100 dates over the course of a year (around 2 dates a week) before they found the right guy. That's great for a girl. Unfortunately for a man 100 dates can easily cost you over $10,000. That's a lot of money

Courtney needs to write a book on this stuff

Thank you for this video,as a single man who hasn’t dated in a while I will say that some men including myself just don’t want to put in the work required but I’ve decided that that won’t help me so I need to start working on it thanks again.

Thanks for this Courtney!! I realised I wasn't ready after multiple women said that I was both emotionally and physically unavailable where I would just be too busy to be entertaining dates. You are bang on with everything in this video!

Anxiety and depression will keep me single forever...makes me deeply sad but I must be real with myself and focus on keeping my mental health balanced as possible.

This is an important video to me. It confirmed I was right to make certain decisions in the past because I was not ready to date. Looking back at the past always filled me with regret because I wondered what could have been. Now I know dating would have gone tragically. The video relieved regret because it was enlightening. This video let me know I am ready to date, to a degree. There is still more I can do to improve. One of the roads to dating, as far as I can see, is to know I am naïve. If I make friends with what I don't know then the truth stands open to those without intentions.

Your last tip was so bang on. Could not agree more.

I completely agree with all the points presented here, although I'd like to comment on the "never settle" idea. Yes, absolutely *never* apply it to relationships, but for life goals and gains for a whole community, I'd say it can be *mostly* applied. Simply replace the word "never" with "mostly" and or add "unless it hurts people unnecessarily."

Thank you for this excellently timed video in my life. Just started talking to someone i can hopefully bring joy and value.

This was a hard video for me to watch and listen to. However you are right about what you said and believe in. Thank you for helping me to understand things even if was hard for me. I hope whoever watches this will be helped by it and thank you for helping them. Keep up the great work ! 😊👍🏼😁

Another video I've been waiting for Courtney. This may come in handy for me in the future.

I'm more of #4 than anything else. I don't bother trying. Then again, I'm working a full time gig, into my hobbies and still trying to grow as a person. I mean I work on my appearance and all however, I just haven't bothered asking someone out or wanted to seriously seek a relationship. It's not that I'm even afraid to be with someone, I'm very comfortable being alone. Too comfortable.

About # 4 on Courtney’s list, I cannot drive and I willing to take a 2 hour 50 minute+ bus trip to meet and save woman the cost of travel. # 3 I definitely resonate with.

Good video Courtney. One issue make me walk away from a potential relationship is a woman that looks for negatives. It's an attitude that seems to never change and shows me the woman is unhappy

Thank you Courtney for these videos. They're very helpful!

After 18 years being single....I'm done with dating

This is a golden video Courtney. All 5 items are first order Requirements. You do have to make compromises. But only in your preferences, not your standards. If you sense you are compromising a standard, 1st take some time evaluating whether it really is a standard and not a preference before you act on it. People, men and women, often will 'over classify' preferences into standards, like women with their height or income requirements. Men with all kinds of unrealistic appearance requirements. Both sides with their mostly unknowable body count fears. We are all our worst enemies in the "compromises" arena. Both sides looking for the wrong things often. Rejecting each other over petty desires (preferences) that just get in the way of real love.

Interesting video. I recognize myself in the points 4 and 5. The issue with point 5 (compromising), is that you don’t always understand why yourself should do compromise, while others don’t have to and have all that they want. But I suppose this is a mental blocking on my side.

Great video. 👌🏿 I was just having a conversation today with someone I’m talking to, hopefully soon to be in a relationship with in the future, about emotional intelligence; and how important communication & respect is.

I actually needed to see this video as I decided to step away from dating and decided to work on myself, pursue a more healthy lifestyle (lost 16 pounds and got more muscular) and I decided to level up in my career (decided to pursue a career in real estate).

Great timing :) thank you Courtney!

Thank you very much for this, i agree with every part of it!

Courteny I have to say your channel is both informative and enlightening to the masses. I have not been on the seen of dating in 27 years. Everything you mention is on point to how men should behave and interact with women. My only wish is that both women and men listen to the wisdom of your words and act upon them. As a widow speaking from the heart, women and men of this day have to remember one thing, "In the end we are friends willing to do for the other". Romance is great, intimacy is great, but ultimately women and men are friends. Thank you Courtney. 💛

Another informative video Courtney, thank you 🤌🏻 xoxo

There are parts of all of these signs that I feel I relate to, with the exception of not being fully over someone else. There are any number of things that I could point to as to why I’m not in a relationship. For the most part, at this point in my life, I’ve gotten used to not being in a relationship. I don’t know which one you would classify this under, but the biggest thing for me is that I just don’t consider myself worthy of that kind of attention from the opposite sex. So I just go about handling my responsibilities to the best of my ability, because I have no idea what to do to feel worthy of that kind of love from a woman.

Thanks for sharing this video information Courtney Ryan have a great day ❤

The biggest sign you don't want to be in a relationship is that you fail to understand that there is a lot of compromise in love and that you want everything on your own terms. The single life and married life are very different and some say they want a relationship but are still very attached to their single life and routine.

Another great video, all solid points here. Sadly I've seen the first one become more and more prevalent on both sides online. People really need to understand that even if they have had bad experiences in the past, it isn't fair to judge the next person based off of that. A lot of people are missing out on a potentially great relationship because they fear this new one will be no different than the last one.

I’ve not dated for years now, my heart belongs to my daughter, and she’s my number 1 ( sorry ladies , you come in at 100,000,000,000,000) on my list

Another reason could be .. I’m not interested in dating period!!

The girl I was talking to for the past five months exhibited the emotional signs, but I didn’t see it until this video. But at least she had enough respect to just say that she didn’t think she was ready for a relationship at the time. So we parted on good terms, but it still blows.

Thank you for being a voice of reason!

You hit the nail on the head. These 5 things are me all over. Maybe ill be ready one day

Sound insight and advice from Courtney as usual

Well, I feel called out on #1 and #2. 😅 But in all seriousness, I really appreciate this video. I'm gonna remain single until I become the better version of myself. Thank you as always, Courtney.

👏👏well everything you went over was what I was running into so🤷‍♂all this did was give me validation about what happened. Thanks though, and very helpful.

This is a very important channel. Please keep doing this.

Great video. The only thing I disagree with is that there is definitely a difference between compromising and settling. Settling is being willing to accept things about the other person that are against your values, ethics, or morals. I'm always willing to compromise, but I'm never willing to settle.

hi you hit right on the nail please keep talking somebody making sense thanks courtney

Considering I was spending a lot of time (2+ years) waiting in between relationships, this was helpful in knowing if I was ready to consider dating again.

Def a great video, thank you.

Good input im glad I watched this.

Great content thank you

Hi Courtney! thanks for sharing, I want to work on my barriers because my dating friendship ended earlier this year. It was fun a first and we had our good times at a group club. Though the few times we hung out its just been awkward for herself, not sure if it had something to do with me. There have been times when she didn’t reply to my messages right away, and it take days or even weeks.

Very good points.

Thank you for posting these videos! They are providing useful things for me to think about, and I believe some videos may provide a starting point for discussion about important topics!

There's someone I like who I think has all 5 of these but I also saw her on a dating site so maybe she's open to finding someone. That's why I'm taking it slow with her trying to win her over. She's truly very special so it will be worth it.

Heading out for a date in a bit . I feel like I came to a place of solid inner peace being alone maybe for the first in my life. Only thing I’m nervous about is that she is so adorable and is really and I mean REALLY chasing me. Can’t say I’m not falling for her and I’m trying to hold strong because there is no bottom when I do fall. She’s already told me “give me the green light .” And red doesn’t look so good anymore. ❤ Wish me luck … Thanks Courtney!

Helpful, ty👏

No one is ready for relationships. But if you close your eyes and jump, you might survive.

It's not that I'm not ready to date it's my prospective dates propensity to say that two letter word each time I ask them out. After hearing that same word over and over I just got fed up and abandoned the entire dating scene in my 20’s. I'm now 58 and remain single & at times often lonely.

I appreciate a list like this, if only to reinforce that I will never be capable of long-term dating and/or relationships. I'm literally incapable of two of the five things listed for various neurological and psychological reasons that can't be corrected. It is always good to remind myself why I avoid even trying to date or form attachments to people. Helps remind me to stay in my lane and keep my defective self out of the gene pool.

I think too many of us suffers from “bandwidth caps”. Between work, hobbies and other stimulation we’re simply too busy to put in more effort into anything more or be emotionally available. This might be the cause of so many “situationships” instead of relationships.

Look for someone that does things for the joy of it. Yesterday realized that nothing done in anger ever helps anyone. Do things that bring you joy.

For the longest time, I was in denial. I was bitter, angry and not over my first ex-girlfriend. I thought I was but all evidence to the contrary proved otherwise. I finally talked to a therapist and she helped through a lot of stuff. I am emotionally mature/available, put in the right effort, willing to compromise. The thing is, I’ve dated or gone on dates with women who expect me to do all of that and then some BUT DO NOT DO IT FOR ME. Any effort I put in was not reciprocated at all so that’s why I’ve been single for three years now.

It’s strange, I’m willing to spend money on friends to visit, do stuff etc offering with no hesitation, but if someone wants a relationship, I am adamantly opposed. There’s a specific set of conditions to meet for me to be willing to spend money for dating purposes. I think it’s easier to get a background check for a military contractor than meet my date money criteria 😂

My best friend told me to go 90 days. Alone. The first month I thought it would kill me. Best thing I ever did to heal and to get back to self love. Took me a while to delete the bitterness. That was about 3 odd years ago. No baggage or drama here. I'm ready for a good woman, leave the plastic at home! Great video.

Another point is after losing a spouse of many years like I have, the motivation in starting all over again with someone new can be daunting if not overwhelming in overcoming. Definitely an indication of not being ready to date.

Great advice

Courtney knows exactly how to make me click on her videos ❤

Well, she's not wrong. Fortunately I'm not a stranger to taking my time to re-evaluate myself. Sadly its often measured, not in months....... - but years. Good luck folks!😅😅

I got to say this show is spot-on because I like that you put it on men and women not just men cuz most usually they just focus on me and being native women women and men are bad and have problems not just men not just not just women and I really liked your program today

Courtney, of all of the videos you've made I think this is the most enlightening for me, a female. I know your content is not meant for me, but by you making this video it prompts men to respond in the comments. In your other videos I notice A LOT of what you mentioned here... "All women are trash", "I'm doomed to be alone because women suck", "Women expect too much", "I won't do what's required of me to be a good partner", etc. The comments on THIS video really reflect that and show that some men need to do way more self-reflection on themselves instead of pointing the finger in the other direction. I really do notice a big thing from some men, which is lack of effort. Lack of effort to take care of themselves (mind and body), lack of effort to spruce up their dating profile (no more dark photos with the middle finger, please), and lack of effort to really take time to get to know someone before expecting exclusivity. Women are owed nothing, men are owed nothing, yes, but being a jerk will NEVER get a man the respect he thinks he deserves.

To add to Courtney's awsome advice, its important to also have career goals and ambition (both men and women). It also wouldn't hurt to educate yourself about finances, savings, real-estate, and the stock market. 😅