Maya Angelou said that, 'when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.

Narcissism is a bootcamp type of spiritual warfare 🥵 if you survive it and escape it, you level up to a spiritual gangster 😂💪

Hello fellow survivors. If no one told you today: you are loved. You are enough. ❤

They are never sorry, and they never quite remember anything..

The worst part is remembering that you are not dealing with a normal and healthy person. They have a way of making us feel sorry for them and the way they use our empathy is disgusting. Once you can realize how disgusting and evil their manipulation is, it's much easier to walk away.

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I am mentally hostage, by trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

I’ve found you at the right time. 😢 I was married to a controlling man who I was with for 32 years to finally escape straight into the arms of a narcissist! He has destroyed any faith I have in men but everything you have said here is spot on 😢 I’m in complete limbo feeling hurt rejected confused angry and worst of all violated. They are true wolves in sheep’s clothing! True demons !

I can see why leaving a narcissist is so hard. We naturally want closure, a feeling of completion, of resolving things in a fair & equitable manner, but this will never happen with a real narcissist, as they simply can't give us what we want or need. It's like a puzzle that can never be solved because many of the key pieces are broken or missing!

The day I pissed of the narcissist enough and it was finally over, I felt so totally drained washed up, spit out, and kicked to the curb. The next day he had a date with someone else. Two months later they were engaged. Hellacious experience. It was really hard learning these types of people exits. I was forever changed after that 5 year experience. He wanted to destroy me.. Nearly did. Was very rattled and on a deep level, and extra sensitive for a good while. Took nearly a year to feel less broken. Harmful, dangerous people

my therapist is on maternity leave so every time i "miss" him i just sigh and pull up one of your videos to talk some sense into me haha. two weeks no contact wohoo! this is the third time i broke up with him so looks like third time is the charm🤡

Hi Richard. I left a 30 year relationship 9 years ago, and it has taken me this long to finally feel like I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. The final thing I've realised is that you're never, ever, going to get closure or justice from the narcissist, so there's no point trying. This, in itself, I have found very liberating, as it has allowed me to finally silence his voice in my head. Thank you

After you heal… you laugh. 😊

I am moving 500 miles away tomorrow. Up north to a tiny town. I can't get rid of him any other way. This relationship has been the worst experience of my life. I started setting this up months ago and lied (pretended I was him lol). Anyway, sometimes desperate measures need to be taken. I am sure I have been replaced already. Thank god I never had kids with this guy. You only live once - change it up. Move on.

At last, I was able to leave and discard my narcissistic husband after 28 years of bondage and abusive relationship after I got out from this bad relationship, it is like waking up from a worst nightmare and you wake up into reality, realizing everything.😅

This is insane. Married for 8 years, Confused for 8 years, and this last year I’m seeing things I never thought I’d see. Blatant. Brazen. Inexcusable. Twilight zone, the sky is red-things. You are saying EXACT word for word situations that have happened. It’s crazy. It’s crazy making. Your videos are tremendously helpful and also, what insanity this can be. Thank you 🖤

I realized that I was just as at fault as my abuser, because knowing deep inside that he was crazy I still stayed. Always waiting for the person who I fell for to come back, leaving was literally (literaaaaally) like mourning several people in one. It's amazing how you knew each one of their personalities. Thanks for traumatizing me further with the freaking eggs in brain thing... ugh

16:00 - spot on - no morals , cheat and lie and expect you to be perfection

The more I watch the more understanding I get

Thank you. This is difficult to hear, but after 38 years, it helps. It's all switched up here, though. I need him to leave my house.

It’s the story of the turtle 🐢helping the snake 🐍to cross the stream, by riding on the turtle’s shell. When they get across safely, the snake bites the turtle. The turtle is shocked and the snake replies “I’m a snake “

I would argue that narcissists view all others as LESS than objects, considering the ones I've experienced are extremely materialistic.

I don’t know you but you make me laugh out loud …. Literally!!! I am so blessed to have found you. You not only bring a smile you remove the Vice off my head!! All glory to God for you Richard!! 🙌🏻🕊🤍

I literally had just gotten out of my worst experience with a true energy vampire narcissist. Then another man came along a started to court me heavy. like Heavy heavy, we are exclusive on the first date heavy..... He filled me up with everything he felt he studies about me and for a good two months it worked. But I believe in the saying. When people show you who they are believe them , right! So the moment I realized that he was only seeing me as a gate way towards his success while telling me that it's all about me. I RANNNNN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. and it only took me one wake up call. I listened and learned Fast. and the more I listen to videos like this and study them...I am picking up on all their tactics... I swear I go back to some videos astonished at the accuracy.

I've been following Richard for years. And ever since I started following Richard's work, I've been able to untangle my life from all the abusive lies that have been binding me. Nowadays I have much less abusive situations and abusive people in my life, let's say the amount of abuse in my life has reduced into 5% of what it was 5 years ago.

One someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time-Poet Maya Angelou

Narcissists are nothing to be afraid of. They are actually putting on a persona to hide their true weaknesses. They often act in a childish like manner. If you're a good person you'll see it but try to change them or help them. Don't. Walk away without a word. Your life will get much better

You're killing me! You ARE "the expert"! "Yes, i was there when you told this person what would hurt you the most".

What you said about the spider eggs flying in and hatching is spot on. Today I accidentally got baited into a convo with a group of narcs, they baited me in by complimenting my hair and asking questions. I went home regretting letting them bait me in bc they were so nasty and horrid. Lesson learned. Say thank you and walk away.

Ive had a confession then gas lighted saying it never happened 😂 omg please god give me strength to forgive myself for allowing a lunatic stay in my life for sooò long😮🙏🙈❤

Lying mouth noises 😂 so very accurate 💯👏🏾

I have a deeply narcissistic sister 18 months younger. I'm 64 now. In November 2013, at age 55, I was at her house. Long story short, her behavior was so awful, something inside me snapped. I'd had this behavior for decades. I abruptly left the occasion and made up my mind I was done. I started researching the net and figured it out: she's a narcissist. I was like Saul on the road to Damascus. The light of understanding finally turned on. Now I listen to Grannons videos. He has said things which I've said to a friend verbatim. I just nce told a friend, my sister has no horizontal relationships, only vertical. You can't believe how fun it was for me to hear Richard Grannon say the exact same thing.

This came at the right time. You're completely spot on. Finally realized I was dealing with a black belt narcissist. Beginning stages of removing them from my life. Luckily they are very transparent so no one that matters believes anything they say.

_"I've had a recent experience and I only in the last couple of days woke up to exactly what this person was doing..."_ ... Wow. Mad respect for being so open with us.

"Looking for clues...trying to fight for reality..." that slapped me in the face.

Richard- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you communicate this very difficult material. Your humor makes a painful subject easier to digest. You are always spot on. Thanks for all you do. I feel validated after listening to you

Timely. Fell for a covert narc during the plandemic. After months of text and conversations. Intimacy is just fodder with these a holes. I ran the other way so fast. Tried to maintain the friendship. Impossible. Quite possibly the most disappointing test of my metal. I don’t feel bruised , I just felt like I took a pop quiz and passed in spite of my anxiety about it. I threw myself into productive projects to break the trance of late night talks that were sucking me into lack of sleep and fruitless mornings. The only closure is getting ones goals and projects accomplished without the escalating needy demands of the Narc. My ADHD brain was simultaneously attracted and ultimately repulsed . It was so draining until I engaged and refocused on my own necessities. Spell breaking

I wish I’d known this before . When someone shows you who there are then believe them. I have learnt the the hard way. I was in a horrible narcissistic relationship where eventually I was physically hurt, although the emotional abuse , gaslighting and smear campaign was so much worse. I’ve gone no contact but I still feel stupid and completely done in but I wasn’t aware of this disorder at the time . This relationship has totally destroyed me and I’m struggling and I don’t know where to go for help. I feel like no one understands this sort of abuse.

Moving on is the best revenge!

If anything, everything YOU've gone through really helps those who have been there!! Don't be so hard on yourself Richard for being such an kind person!!! Please keep on going helping us to NOT go back for closure! Sending you Wisdom and Love!

The trauma in my body from narcissistic family abuse gave me a hypertensive crisis (life threatening high blood pressure) and now stage 4 metastatic cancer... among many many other physical health & mental health problems. The body truly *does* keep the score. These toxic family members ostracized & shunned me for over a decade. Basically left me for dead. When I was diagnosed they all flew back in! Pretending to want to “help” me. 😈😈😈

I enjoy the the humor in your personality Richard as we we deal with such a sick disorder. Thank you!!😂

You are very expert in your knowledge of the narcissist. The spider eggs are lethal. What vile humans.

Love you Richard! 😂❤ You described a narcissist no other than a Demon in disguise. My ex narc had a car rego that ended with 666!

4:15 “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.” ― Maya Angelou

Your whole channel means the world to me right now, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and advices, it's incredibly helpful.

Hi Richard. Just found you a few days ago and I am honestly hooked on your videos! I am in the process of leaving a very toxic narcissistic marriage and when I feel the sadness and self doubt, your videos have been bringing me back to reality and common sense. He never cared for me, i was ALWAYS a tool for him. I am a genuinely, caring and giving person in my nature and this has been a difficult process for me but I watched your video about the dual mothership and it really all makes sense. Plus, your sense of humor while speaking on this very serious topic is refreshing to my soul and I am so grateful for that. I'm understanding that I am not crazy (although, isn't that what the Narcs swear). Thank you for all that you do. Bless you.

You are right Richard. When I learned I had the right to say no, and when I implemented it I healed up a great deal. Growing up I was never taught that I could say anything remotely like NO.

I had severe anxiety, especially with my curent gf. Then I started listening to stoicism and other philosophy quotes regarding life and regulating your mind in troubled times. Stoicism quotes from Marcus Aurelius and the other man i forget his name have really helped live in the present and stop the ruminating going on.

Really like that quote about when they show you who they are, believe them the first time. It has meaning to me these days. The more you work on yourself, the less and less you require validation from others, and the smaller a target you become. It takes time but it happens and something tells me that this is all training for something else behind the curtain.

I love that you have said it's not a merit badge!!!!! We are expected to tolerate so much bad behaviour nowadays.

My Brother, you Sir .. are SO BANG ON. I can not even begin to tell you how Grateful I am for this wisdom you share with us today. Much RESPECT from the backcountry mountains in British Columbia Canada. Thank you Brother.

Richard, so grateful for your wisdom. Thank you for using your experience to help others extract themselves from the matrix. I am almost 11 months NO CONTACT. He still sends me letters. I see every manipulation clearly now and actually it is quite fascinating. I have grieved, destroyed my childish fantasy of relationships, and grow stronger every day. Becoming an emotionally literate badass!

Thank you for your videos!! I am going through a divorce now and this man is able to use the system to continue to abuse… I am realizing that our court systems don’t address mental health at all… and the lawyers just keep leeching and making money.

Richard, I know you mentioned that you were going to step back from the narcissistic abuse, realm and focus more on philosophy and its usefulness in recovery this year. However, I’m glad to see you’re still creating a lot of content around the abuse, it’s coming up more and more in our culture and so many people waking up to it after having experienced it sometimes for their whole life, and their families of origin, etc.! So much love for your brother, You have been a real lifesaver for so many of us in our times of darkness. And I absolutely love philosophy and healing as well… We can’t stay in the mess and muck of it forever. Luckily, you can do both, especially if you are making videos, there’s no reason to be constrained to one arena

Richard, you are an absolute lifesaver and I will be forever grateful for you sharing your wisdom and helping me pick myself up from rock bottom. This is my favorite video on the internet right now. Thank you thank you thank you.

Took me 6 months and 2 operations to get fixed after 18 months with one of those. Lunacy is a very good word for him. Just seen his profile on an online dating site and want to scream to warn other women but for him I feel nothing. I’m so glad I’m out of this fantasy.

I remember one particular line he said not long after I met him. He said‘I’m damaged’ Naturally I wanted to know why he felt that way and therefore continued to ‘try’ to make things better, and easier for him! Not me..him! I should have believed him. The damage is deflected onto you. Yes my soul is badly bruised. You make so much sense in this matter. Thank you

One: if it's your mother, you will have to make sure that if you want freedom to make sacrifices. I have not talked to siblings in 6-7 years after leaving my mom. Also helps that my eldest sister is a sociopath.

I’m going to listen to this video at least two more times. Only those who have felt “it” know it’s depth. If I can envision the “badass” it will take to emerge from “it”…I’m gaining ground, slowly…so very slowly. Great job! Very moving.

Go on Richard!!! Calling out the BS of 'shaming' language. The world has gone mad with this bo**ocks - refreshing to hear the truth delivered in a just cant argue with it way! 👊x

I recently ended the nightmare just 3 months ago. I wish I would have found your videos sooner....there are lots of videos on the subject...but the way you explain everything is so clear and like you are a fly in the wall of daily routine of life with a narcissist. But I have escaped hell and I'm grateful and relieved and learning each day not to judge myself too harshly for not ending it sooner. I love your videos! Thank you. 😊

Wow you know your stuff! I tell myself he's not a human. You've described every detail. He gets so annoyed by my existence. he no longer hides any of it. Or when he thinks he's hiding it I can see it so clearly for the mirage it is. I do catch myself slipping and trying to communicate but it's like you say literally a joke. I am just trying to get out safely. I've never met one person like him and to think their are many of them out there walking around yikes. Thanks for taking the time to educate

"Literrrralalally" Best Grannon ❤😂

This is precisely what I needed today. Appreciate you so much Richard.

Leaving them I discovered me. I chose me. Relationships are like mirrors that allow you to see what's broken in you. Therapy wasn't for them but for me to heal the trauma from my childhood. My life is 💯 percent better now. I have time to live my best life now that it's not being consumed by their trauma.

My husband was married to a NPD who used him up and left him a shell of his former self. Turned his children against him and continues to play her vile games all these years later. We have set firm boundaries with her and it has made her crazy. Or crazier than she already was. These are very destructive chameleons. These videos have help me so much begin to understand the sick idealism my husband showed for years towards her despite her vicious ways. Thank you for this enlightenment.

I was going to check myself into the psych hospital because he made me believe, and even made it look like everyone else even all thought I was crazy, and demon possessed .. knowing in the back of my mind that he was the crazy person.. but God the brainwashing and the fear we have from being trained to cowar was so hard

100% hard-core truth! You have helped me heal more than you will ever know... Thank you for your videos and much love!❤

“You don’t exist to them,” that actually made feel good. I feel so much better knowing that. I feel free now. ❤

Wow this struck sooo many chords, I am LITERALLY going through all of these! Thank you for helping me and others struggling with a narcissist.

Great analogy with the spider eggs, so true.

Thank you! I love this line as I unravel my life story .. “ .. and as I’ve said there is no greater source of comedy than having your sanity slowly unravel in front of you.” ~ Richard Grannon

Amen: The consistent GasLighting is brain damaging, Literally. I am in trauma counselling and it is daibolacal who I had to become to stay in it. Reason would say if you leave and you will be OK, that is not always the case. But on the Topic of what is funny.... I got to get away, those who are have NPD have to live in their skin FOREVER. So, the best revenge is Leave, you get better, with age (hopefully), sadly, they get worse. That is enough for me. Thank God for the beautiful Strength that self empathy gives, and the courage it takes to leave. I found I am smarter than I had been told, Stronger, than I ever knew, and am becoming better daily.

Once I figured out the game I found more peace. Now I can stop trying to make this work, and just accept that this is the way he's always going to be. He is out of my heart for good. Now, I just have to figure out how to get him out of my life physically.

I appreciate this lecture very much. There is nothing as poetic as carrying around a broken heart and trying to still seem o.k. to the outside world. Cognitive dissonance, to be sure! It is touching to see myself become "the fool", after all is said and done. If you don't laugh you will surely cry, so laugh, we must.🤡

I’m loving your book ! I’m short lived in the narcissist world so I’ll move on soon. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compassion wisdom and dedication that has helped me heal ❤️

ALL my Pennie’s literally dropped! I’m virtually broke!! My mental lights are switched on! THANK YOU @richardgrannon I cracked a laugh after months of crying, mourning, grieving after years of NPD abuse! First subject expert that I’ve listened to where I don’t feel clinically spoken to! Keep being yourself 🙏

So real 👆🏻 But.. when you get to the point when you can truly say what you feel, without anger or resentment, you have won. You won the battle with yourself. When you survive all the craziness and despite all the craziness you're involved in, maintain or regain awareness of your moral values, you've won. Again with yourself. When you are really able to speak from the bottom of your heart without fear of someone judging you or attacking you, it is incredibly liberating. Years ago, I would have struggled with ‘the lunatic’ about how to solve HIS problems not the problems he caused me with his behavior 🤦🏼‍♀️😆 Good luck to all of you who are on this journey, let it be as short and painless as possible. Mr. Richard G. thanks for all the insights into this world of craziness 🍀🦾

Omg! You are so right! So glad I found this. It is absolutely craziness. Over two years on a rollercoaster.

"Poisonous spider eggs in your brain"....😅 so true!..... just found your podcast today .... good stuff super relatable past and present as I research handling narcissists and BPD .... so much to take in.... thanks for being here ✌ 😊

“Expect lunacy”!!! This whole video has been refreshingly honest and is bringing much needed clarity! Thank you for not sugar coating this personality disorder!

Omg the truth, you’re so amazing… … the story i have is soooo long, like many others over a year long affair the lies the gaslighting to me and our toddler , the fake trips , the fake work itineraries the gas lighting constantly. He even lives with the 3rd party but text me 2 weeks ago saying “please take the dog I’m done, i would have a been a great dad, blah blah”,, the next day i said “are you ok?” and he said “ I”’m fine i was in a mood” … !!! the pain and hovering and breadcrumbing is insane. He was my best friend for 10 years. He surprised me with a “house” would send 100 red roses to my work and then ripped the carpet and my life from under me and now looks at me like I’m a piece of shit on the ground… he and the other woman laugh at me .. he will do it to her too

Thanks brother. Even after years of info I still got rekt by a narc recently. And what happened and now is happening is exacly what you explain. Damnit. Cognitive dissonance is going on because fkkin confused still. Got lied to so hard. Its hard to believe they can be so evil. But life goes on.

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet, but... I LOVE your camera and lighting Setups! The ambience makes the "Narcissism Cough Syrup" go down easier! hehe. The "Spooky" Blue lighting in this video especially is top notch. :).

Narcissistic abuse disorder is no joke! The narcissist brakes you down at the worst manner.

Richard you are an absolute legend. Just finished your book and it was final act to help me heal from abuse and codependency.

What helps me stay level headed about the narc in my life (whom I co-parent with), is to remember that their behavior is NOT personal to me. I know for a fact that they pull their bullshit with everyone they are involved with. Same sex relationships, opposite sex relationships, everyone.

This video is gold! GOLD! 💛 Thank you! Going through a similar experience, despite 10 years of therapy and a shelf full of psych books. In my defense, he was a former intelligence asset. 😆 Thank you for saving me from messaging him for "closure" about the shocking lies and secret undermining I discovered. You've spared me a brain full of spider eggs and a broken phone. There truly is no moral conscience to appeal to.

Richard hope you know how amazing you are . I completely recovered because of you and only you ! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

I am so thankful to have found this. I've been struggling and struggling hard with this girl. I feel so beat down. I'm incredibly thankful this breath of fresh air exists

45 year ...of abuse....u r spot on....

Thank you so much for how you closely have studied this, and then translate to those of us for whom this information is lifesaving. It's not for naught, how you have suffered and learned and teach us!!!

Thank You!! From the bottom of my heart! By far, the BEST Narcissist KZfaq Channel out there! Best to you!

“For the love of all that is holy and decent in this world…”. Friend, what a beautiful and heart felt motivation to be sharing your wisdom. Thank you for your work. Words like that, spoken the way you did, means much to me.

This is probably one of the best description in a short amount of time of who they are, love the spider egg apology. I enjoyed it, funny too! Yes people, they do not Love anyone, only for a moment and if it's 2 years you got a great manipulation going on, yah, you will go through alot of cobwebs.

It feels so good to listen to you! ❤ About the higher moral values: I always felt as I was expected to have reached Nirvana already. That was probably the only good thing about my encounters with such personalities.

I just found you and you’re my new favorite. I’m so glad we can laugh a little bit at this soul crushing experience. We’re all in this together. It’s like a secret club no one wants to belong to but it’s a blessing and essential for healing.

I am so grateful I figured out my person was a narcissist after only 7 weeks. My dad is a narcissist and I never thought that fact and experience would help me later in life. I was able to spot it, thank goodness. You have helped me so much since our break-up a week ago. I’ve watched so many of your videos and you describe my experience perfectly. There’s so much information in them I’ve been watching them a 2nd time. I’m still so shaken, but grateful I ended it early and know I’ll be better soon. Thank you so much. ❤️

I really appreciate what Richard does so passionately, describing everything in such detail that you relive those moments !I was a narc victim for 18 years and didn’t even know until I came across these and other similar videos. I decided to do lot of healing and eventually understood that I lacked so much self worth that I always settled for anything and became such loyal servant of narcs . Still to get legal separation but life is better and more peaceful living by myself. My kid misses the father, but she is far better a human when away from a narc father 🙏🏽 I continue to pray for him too as I choose to be me