Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/livevent

If you are a scapegoat, you have to deal with the whole narcissistic family cult. But an educated and healed scapegoat can be a nightmare for the cult.

Forced to forgive. The one you support in the cult will betray you!

Complete neglect and abandonment of a person's need for calmness and safety, starting while you are in the womb.

trying to leave a narcissistic family is like trying to leave a cult. the parents expect you to be an adult when you're a child and then treat you like a child when you are an adult. when i was moving out of the house which (unknown to them) was on my way to going no-contact, a comeback i used when dealing with my narcissist parent: they said, "i thought i raised you better than this." myself: "you didn't. which is why i had to raise myself." parent: pikachu face 😲, then rage. CHECKMATE lol remember, when you call out any narcissist with facts , the more angrier they get, the more they know you are right. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

Siblings into our 60’s and still bullies!

“Somebody has to suffer!” 😂😂 We know who that is!

This is my whole in law family and my spouses mom is the center of it. Thankfully we’ve been no contact for 7-8 years with all of them.

You described my family to a Tee. Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m a survivor!!! I survived by moving 450 miles away at a very young age. I have no hate. I forgive them all. I have had a great life, while they are old and still unhappy. Sometimes I will let myself feel sorry for that little girl that I was once, that sad lonely abused little girl. But, I realize that little girl grew up to be a very strong woman with empathy and love for those who are so unhappy with themselves they have to bring others down.

OMG yes...I have learned that obeying the teachings of Jesus, the gospel, makes me immune from the attacks! I am free! I am healed! I am loved!;I am His!!!!🎉🎉🥰👑🙏✝️💜

I was bullied mainly by my mum then my siblings, extended family members ,at school, work, exes and the irony is that they would come to me for advice and support. All they do is humiliate me and copy whatever I do. I would rather be on my own.

Thanks for being a hero. I can see that you tried to save your mother from her own stuff. I love someone who wants to save and protect. That is who I am too. But no one ever did that for me. You help show me that a true hero is what we all need.

Forced into "forgiving" the narcissist is what happened to me. And I fought against that! Thank you for this. My anger is my guide, not a sin to be ashamed of.

Bullying in a family is not only physical but primarily psychological and spiritual abuse and it’sained at breaking the person’s spirit. Whoever is playing mind games such as gaslighting and is putting your mental health and sanity at risk is your archenemy, no matter if that is your mother, father, sister or brother. It is absolutely vital to protect ourselves and have nothing to do with people whose behaviour is evil. We must have nothing to do with evil. Nothing.

Your so right, it can go on through adulthood too, even get worse .

"Queen bee and the minions" cracked me up, the funniest thing I've heard in a while 😂

Bully you for being normal that's way too challenging for them! How dare we be calm cool and collected when there's panicking about every little thing available, we're to get in their bubblea, we're making them feel to weird😊!

I was the scapegoat in my narcissistic family, my husband and his family also narcissistic, now I got divorce and no contact from two families. I am very much thankful to god. God helped me to get out of trauma

Thank you. This is an accurate description of what it's like inside a family like this. Both of my parents were malignant narcissists. The sexual abuse and exploitation began when I was a toddler. I'm also autistic, I have difficulty interpreting social cues. It was very confusing. I was also bullied at school because of my difficulty interpreting social cues. I didn't understand what normal was. So I was a weird kid. Very isolated. Began running away at an early age because I wasn't safe at home. And literally my entire family was involved in my abuse. Either as a perpetrator or enablers who helped cover for my abusers. I had no one to turn to. Nobody would believe me because my father was a cop. My parents looked like normal decent people from the outside. And because of my autism I had a lot of difficulty communicating. So Nobody ever believed me or helped me. I was the family scapegoat and everything was always my fault. My autism makes me vulnerable to exploitation. My family abused me until I ran away. And then I was abused and exploited by strangers, because I'm not able to see red flags. I avoid relationships altogether these days. It's safer for me that way.

So true! I pray for all of us going through this

My entire family was just like this. Neither parent or brother provided ANY support whatsoever, especially when I suffered a stroke over two months ago . They made my medical event about them only, and either didn’t want to deal with the situation as a TRUE family should, or made grandiose gestures to make it appear that they were helping when they didn’t. My narc mother made me forgive and even help my narc father with his failing business (I supported him for over twenty years, while he was free to gallivant like the narc he is) and enabled his behavior. I was called practically the same as Dinesh, overly-sensitive, and focused on past behavior. My narc brother can’t be bothered, unless there is some monetary benefit for him. I finally caught onto their BS during my hospital stay. The problem is that I’m 51 and I can’t work (still recouperating and will stlll be for a while) and the problem parents continue with their needling and false promises of love and family.

Yes - any of those things seen as rebelling! All of them! Scapegoating! Thank you.

Yes! Preach! Yep they be bullies!

I am so sorry Danish for the ways you were abused. Thank you for not keeping the secret inside you and having a channel. Raised in a wealthy American home, the abuse and neglect of both my parents went unseen because of this. No bruises seen, no abuse. Their cult like ways kept the secret, even as my dad was dying, he kept attempting to get others to believe his lies and gaslighting me. I could still love him and know I was thd richer one having a different life.

I have experience every single thing you said here and still do from my narcissistic in laws. I lost my husband 8 years ago and from then till now that cult has been terrible but I thank God for Jesus and His protection over my life and that of my children 🙏🏻 Thanks Danish...it's a cult indeed

You didn’t deserve to be forced to seek your dad’s forgiveness, and you’re strong for continuing to pull away from those toxic and abusive patterns. It’s hard work.

Thank You Danish. I am sorry you had to endure abuse like this. It's a very sick person who does this. My mum was abusive towards me. She wanted to destroy my positive feelings about my worth. She was divisive and she built my siblings up, esp the G.C. by telling them they were better than me in all areas of life. All of them treated me poorly with the bullying. She died 2 wks ago and I have yet to cry. I feel nothing I am sad to say because when she was young and healthy she focused her youth on abusing me. I can try to heal. But they caused a lot of damage

My whole family are narcissists. Since I came into this world. I have been the scrape goat. My mother & father were both selfish,and neglectful. They lived like they were Child-free. My mother would leave us off other people. When we were at home. She never wanted to be bothered. She always screaming & yelling. We could not keep a roof over our hood. Because she would use the money for clubs, vacations,hair appointments.Only clothes,and food for herself. Aside from her bullying. We had to deal with her siblings .My (Aunt's & Uncles were severe bullies always bullying us. Her whole family is dysfunctional.Starting with my grandmother.She passed on abuse,and trama to all of her children. But back to my mom. She purposely would allow my father too get away with not paying child support. He kept his money for himself. Went on living his life like he had no responsibilities. My mother plays favorites. My narc brother,and narc oldest sister are her favorites. As for me,and my other sister are the scrape goats. They are always tag teaming up on us to bully,and gossipping.

Thank you for exposing this. I’m the person my family bullied me I’m the scape goat. Ive disconnected from them. They have been betrayed lied about. They even seek out old friends. Thank you for exposing.

Danish! you are absolutely doing tremendous work being a spokes person for each and everyone of us, thank you.

Thank GOODNESS for your remarkable insight, & content!! I am very sorry that you had to suffer so much, very sad… You are & have been nothing less than L I F E S A V I N G for many, many people who your Therapy has finally given HOPE. ❤️

I loved seeing the kitty! Pls include them more - maybe a video on how pets can help you heal from narc abuse. I spend time with stray cats and its the only thing that's keeping me sane whileI work on my exit plan.

Perfect description! Thank you! I have experienced all of it but only now start to understand the whole picture of this total abuse and bullying in my family.

I am deeply sorry you have had to go through such evil! Sadly I have experienced this brutal evil. I understand this and send you blessings. Thank you for your help and wisdom.💛

Exactly!! Even worse I was made to be compelled to go to the parish priest and say I “forgive my abusers!” I even DID/DO forgive, but I had to keep going back to say, I forgive them repeatedly, so I wouldn’t/couldn’t forget what was being done to me repeatedly! I wasn’t even allowed to block it out of my mind even if I tried or wanted to! If that is not evil, I don’t know what is!! TOO BAD FOR THEM, GOD SAVED ME! Glory be to God! 🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹 I feel and pray for anyone going through this! It truly is the source of someone not making it, unless they find therapy or someone, just one person, who eventually who cares!

Whenever I am filled with questions you always come forward with all the answers. Thank you so much for this great help to realize me that I am not the only suffering.

The thing is, ...in families, ...it doesn't always look mean, especially when the queen is outside of your birth family... meaning your parent in the actual narcissistic family is the enabler ...and not all the time, but is also shamed and devalued, but still supports the system and tells their children that they need to take pity on these people too, they deserve love and service, because they've had a "hard life". And when the narcissists are present and acting directly in their life, ...it's hell on earth and all hands on deck, to please them and whatever or whomever they want to impress.

I genuinely find rewatching _keeping up with the kardashians_ with my new wisdom in hindsight incredibly eye opening. Having had no examples of 'how humans treat humans', it's beyond interesting how different my feelings are on everyone, compared to us growing up together back then? Seeing some of the traits and dynamics in the family now?? I mean. Who better to learn from than people who live in abundance and excess off of professional narcissism? It's beyond interesting to watch them at work.

Right on point! I ws the rebel & ultimately the scapegoat. Thankfully I overcame anxiety attacks I wd hv when I ws younger; I shared it with no one. To all, find inner peace

Yes it is!

Dannish, I've never posted this and not a sentimental type, but you're wonderful. You're a beautiful soul. I can't believe I'm saying that, I'm not like that. I hope you have lots of kids to make this a better society. But you're already making this a better society. You said narcissism is a team sport. You said that in another video and I've thought of that every day, it's so true. 20 years ago I was Eastern Orthodox but knew a Catholic priest and asked if forgiving somebody meant you had to let them keep hurting you. He literally almost jumped out of his chair when he said "No!". There's massive twisted Scripture these days, it's sickening. Jesus called out the hypocritical Pharisee narcissists relentlessly. He didn't try to "get along" with them. I am a convert, really studied before becoming Christian, so I believe it, not going to be a hypocrite, and the churches are narcissistic and massive twisted Scripture. Jesus stood up to the narcissistic Pharisees. He didn't kiss their butt to "get along". He called them out and said they were hypocrites and liars and the devil was their father. He never asked for their "forgiveness". And He said to judge righteous judgment. He only condemned hypocritical judging. And He really called out the narcissists of His day, and said they were whitewashed sepulchres and their father was the devil. He never asked for their forgiveness, or tried to "get along" with them. And said the thief cometh not but to kill, steal and DESTROY. Yup, that's what the narcs do.

Thank you for your videos. They're so validating. They're so important to help survivors feel better.

This is an impactful share. Thank you.

I love how you get to the point and tell it like it is. The words and descriptions that you use are accurate, true forceful, and therapeutic. May God bless you.

It's so crazy, you're talking about your past and it feels like, you're telling my story :( Lots of hug to those, who went trough all that, I was thinking so much, why don't I trust myself enough in new situations than realized because of all the bullying I've got in my childhood.

This is incredibly onpoint. Thank you Danish for another insightful video!

This is so detailed perfectly. Wow Danish.. you are a gift! This is my life with my whole family. 😢 I truly am a scapegoat

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I have felt this abuse throughout childhood and adult life. The realization has come only in last few years. I can relate to every point you bring up in your videos.

1) I was knocked down with any of my accomplishments; told I was showing off 2) Entire family running me down, confiding to one meant everyone knew. I never understood and blamed me for everything. 3) I had to go where they went, do what they do, sometimes by force. 4) They never apologized, blamed me instead. 5) Always, always told I was too sensitive. As a little girl I would feel so sad and my mouth would quiver. I was told "be quiet, you're too sensitive". I was never validated.

My mother has tried to force me to apologize. Mom is the queen narcissist . I used to apologize. Never not in 4 years. I had to seek legal help to get the main narcissist to stop.

Thank you, Danish I will need to listen to it again

Thank you, Danish for telling it like it is!

Omg Danish... you are just describing word by word what I'm currently experiencing. No matter what happens, the Narc should never be hurt, his lies are waived off as casual things, he has a loooong list of everything he did for the family, and his minions continue to reinforce how much he sacrificed... I.e paying bills, taking family on holiday, paying for child's education.... or reparing the house once.... their point is... so his cheating and abuses should be waived off , at the end of the day those were mistakes and narc is repentant...as usual playing victim... minions say... he has done lot for the family and their focus is shifted on me... the one who raised questions, counter argued and refused to give in to the bulshit narrative... now the entire family, relatives discussing my drawbacks and that I should seek psychology support... which I would love , coz il get a sane minded person to talk to.... but will the narc get ready to see a therapist as well ??? They are too perfect for that...isn't it....and anyway the problem is not with them... its with me...the scapegoat....Danish I am actually facing all of this today.... getting forced to forgive... remember the good sides of narc... lol... and just like you, it's my mother...who is also a narc...overt type ... enabling the abuse of my covert narc father... there is a huge gossip going on behind my back... where even my mum participates , even though she is victim of my abusive cheating manipulative ,narc father.... even then my mother tries to shift the focus on me , and how I should work towards improving my life, advices, complaints, lectures all keeping me in limelight... when the real problem lies elsewhere... so much drama just so that my narc dad doesn't feel uncomfortable... even though he is super abusive , pathological liar, and cheats , abnormal sexual activities he does outside of marriage.... You just described my life ...right now

OMG! I first thought you talked about my child’s mom’s nearest relatives because they behave as a cult with my child’s grandmother in the center as a boss which not at all can be criticized whatever she has done without reprisals. No one in that cult can be criticized for that matter. During 10 years relationship with my child’s mom I got beaten several times and ”frozen out” several times because I have been straigt forward and honest. And nothing was this cult’s fault or individual fault.

I have been their for years till the bad narcissistic persons died

Thank you so much always Danish. God bless you from JANESVILLE, WI

Now please make a video how is this narcissistic family cult originated... does a normal healthy family get tainted by a narcissistic woman who brings the ruin in the entire upcoming bloodline? Please we want a video on your deep analysis over this

My family... and I didn't even recognize this until I went to therapy at 37yrs old

Excellent information. Thank you

danish you are genius brother this is my family cult you are talking about

My own family .I'm shock ..I divorce my ex , but I thought my kids will be neutral but all take sides to my ex .I thought they will be neutral.i cried for a while but I understand a still voice I heard and I understand that my family is a cult.i move on but I understand now .I accept being alone and isolated but I understand that they csnt reach out me because of disorder

Each and every points said in this video happened from my husband and his parents and a married sister of husband who is still in my husband's home

My sister still leaves messages on my phone, but NOW I never return her calls. She has hit me, called me names, stolen my identity and dug through and photographed EVERYTHING I own. She has tried to force me to have sex with strangers so they would give her money. She has humiliated me my entire life- She has left messages this week that she plans to come visit and stay with me again. NO WAY ! I’m done with her ! She is afraid of nothing and will do anything and everything to finish me off. Wish that I had seen Danish’s videos years ago, because then I would have understood what kind of person she really was and got rid of her decades ago !

Exactly!! Too bad for them that God saved me! Glory be to God! 🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹

God bless you 4 this video , I very much experienced this

Danish, you’re the best.

Its harder when it comes from family * as they use false guilt against you * its longer to accept the truth of it for being what it is, as family was suppose to be for you and not against. * they promise to be there and then when you go to them they get joy at your distress and leave you in the problems and they create problems for you and your family and try to turn your own family against you

Thanks, Danish. 🌻

I'm going to post my experience before I listen to see if it matches up. I was told that "nobody cares about me enough to bother abusing or hurting me, I'm paranoid and should be ashamed of myself". The flying monkeys initially tried to stroke me but only to gather info. until I coaxed them into revealing their true selves. One monkey continued to play me by trying to soothe me until I discovered it was all an act. Then when it was in their interest I was told "how everybody loves me and wishes me the best" and "I just need to get over it"(the abuse). This is their dysfunctional cycle, they abuse each other then sweep everything under the carpet over and over again. This behavior is o.k. because this is how our family has been for generations. Suck it up and play the game it's your duty as a member of the family.

All 5 - you had me at "family cult." There is no one more hated than an apostate. The last one hit me; I was constantly accused of dwelling on the past...yet female parent was allowed to whine about her past (which was at least 27 years prior to my own past) all she wanted. The other form of bullying not mentioned is "it's okay for everyone else to _______, but not for me (scapegoat) to do /say the exact same thing or retaliate equally." My sister loves to extoll stories of how I would 'claw' her in the arm when I was younger. She conveniently leaves out the part where she is screaming in my face that i was a "PROBLEM CHILD!!" over and over again until I had no choice but to strike out physically. She refused to stop even after witnessing my distress.

The bullying often begins for victims of Narc families with the first diaper change. The Queen Narc got away with raising unloved and abused children for decades, because culturally we we were taught all bullies are males. Today we can change the fate of damaging childhoods by knowing what this type of dehumanizing behavior produces.... sociopaths and psychopaths to say the least. Excellent insights Danish, thank you! 💯

I never realized that I grew up with a narcissist. They would triangulate me and do all sorts of stuff. But I can talk to you while they hate you. And still be friends with both. Boy did they try to stop that. Thank god I didn’t get their disorder. Someone else did. Congrats on your achievement psychologist. I notice you use that now. I have a psych degree. Only a bs. 😊

Thank you for this explanation. Yes, you are right. It is a family cult thing. Yup my sister and I are strangers because I will not let her control me. Her family are also bullies. Especially the daughter. Her father worse if you say anything about her daughter. My sister uses them as flying monkeys/ But the bulling is something else

Oh yeah, they do hunt you down. And the instinctively stick together (though will turn on each other when one gets old). It's weird how they instinctively recognize each other and stick together.

Thank you dainsh from my heart

I faced harrasment with 6 narcissists and hundreds of flying moneys..That's more than a hell.. Now with 1milignant narcissistic husband directly and rest of 5 indirectly.. oh my God it's torture that nobody understands even we express others they can't believe it they treat u as abuser and narcissists as victims .

Triangulation and flying monkeys are strong with these families.

Excellent video! I wonder how long it took you healing the narcissistic abuse you endured in your family?

Your cat is so adorable❤❤❤😊

Backfire to narcissist, I love God thank God Amen

Indeed. I'll add a number of scoldings for lacking loyalty--to people who showed none to me!?!😂 🤪Some people wallow in crazy. I just walk away (ok-run!).

I have lived within this family dynamic all of my life 😐

Please, give me advise 🙏 imagine situation when you are married to narcissist and adopt and raise his child since 16 months old. Who is autistic and who never got evaluation, or any help from doctor. Now he is 14 and something happened to him. He is violent and abusive. Before he was just ruling the whole household. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

In every way possible.

My parents were not narcissists. They were good people. They valued me & tried to give me a sense of self confidence. However, for decades some family members (of my generation) used me as their scapegoat & "jokingly" belittled me all my life. One of them was spoiled by a few of the elders in the family and she has worked it most of her life. (She is one of the 2 most self entitled, attention seeking, virtue signaling, hypocrites I have ever known. The other is a cousin.) When I stopped being of use to her, she cast me out & somehow influenced a few others to do the same. Do they have no spines... or do they just covertly detest me as she seems to do openly? Oh well... moving on.

🌞🌙🌟 Excellent information here.

Cult families can't bother😮

I had to leave my familie, i was the familie scapegoat. They treatet me realey bad and abused me for years. I am grandmother. The did not help when I was ill , They excluded me from familie . They never game at my home, i had to go on bike 18 kilometer to visit them .i am 59 years old. They promised me for my 50 birthday a familie trip to Rome, They went without me and send me fotograpfs from Rome. For Cristmas i bought with love presents for all the familie members. They gave me promissis to go swimming with the grandchilderen and a diner at a restaurant. We never went. When I game to visit while a had always an appointment ,They began hoovering, doing the laundery upstairs, go for groceries. No one talked at birthday partys. They had a lot of crimes to hide and they know i do not accept childabuse because they use cocaïne. It was realey painful to be grandmother and familie scapegoat in a narcessistic familie. God bless every one who are familie scapegoat. Love from a scapegoat from Holland

Curious to know whether narcissists do set "moral boundaries" when it comes to incest? I have never seen that talked about specifically. I do know that cheating sexually is easy for them.

So true. 😢what to do., where to go

Facts

I must ad that the brother of my ex husband was the scapegoat, he was rejected and whith him his wife and children. Because he first rejected their behaviours. For example, he choosed to live very far from the house of his parents and didn't come to visit them very often The opposite whith my ex husband, we were very often at his parents house. Boring....

Yes after 30+ yrs I'm out

Same

Hhhhmmm so that means my wife had 2 narcissistic parents. Her mom loves to be the victim and her daughter plays into it hhhmmm makes perfect sense why she chose me over her. Her mom blamed me for EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN and took no accountability whatsoever absolutely none Scapegoating me on why she didn't go see her husband when he was sick but took work trips to Chicago to tell us how beautiful it was and hows she living the dream. Husband was sick in NY basically just talked behind his back about how crazy he was etc etc and much much more. Wife blindly followed because was the "crazy one" everyone is crazy but her mom I noticed she even talked about her husband's daughter how she was dirty, how she smokes too many cigarettes, and much more how his son was a whack job because he had mental issues and was crazy also. Husband wants to help run my business but he can't run his own kids and how he's nothing without her etc etc. As soon as he came back then it was ALL MY FAULT. I was wondering if it was really me but I thibk what hurts the most is that my child is being held back from me seeing her. Mom said if you don't do as i say you'll never see your wife or your daughter again after I didn't do as she said they done conspired against me and I became the bad guy 🤦🏾‍♂️ and was told to leave. I was literally taking their crap for a while and as soon as I stood up for myself I had to leave. Now I was wrong for putting our secret out their yeah but sheesh you push a person in the corner too long he's going to say something slick hellloooooo it's common sense ya know.

They are all the same

horrid....but so true.....

💯

🙏

I get what you said about your mom. My father cheated on my mom and she wanted to be victim she confessed his dirty acts to me and I don't care. I did help her and supported her even shutting my father down when he abused her and she told me to say sorry to him and children shouldnt come in parents business but children get so badly affected by father's dirty act when he calls himself the pastor of the church and yet justifies his dirty act saying David sinned in Bible dad is like David but doesn't care what happened to amnon tamar absalom bathsheba' s newborn and adonijah. These are one of the choicest kids of David yet destroyed in pitiful deaths and desolation. She doesn't care for my life even wanted to replace me with another child just like David. I feel dirty when she justified his sin but only if he repents there forgiveness I left her today my mother is abused a lot by my father i leave her alone she loves to play victim so I left her alone and she suffers I no longer save the day for both of them it's all about narcs supply not about love . I feel for you Danish your story collaborates so much with mine and I feel recognised and validated living my best life here thank you Danish