I think that narcissists can also encourage overeating in order to make their mate less attractive to competition, thereby controlling them.

Once the narcissist finds out what foods you like, they will deprive you of it! That includes music, TV shows, anything you like will be controlled.

Thank you for explaining this. I've never seen food addressed before as part of narcissistic abuse. Meal times were hell when I was a child. Consequently, because I was always told that I was stupid, fat and ugly, I developed anorexia at age 12. 50 years ago, none of the Dr's looked at narcissistic abuse as a cause of my anorexia. Anorexia then became my fault and the beatings ensued to try and force me to eat. After several years of therapy, as an adult, i have a healthy relationship with food. My wish is for no child to suffer the way i did.

The narcissistic abuse never worked on me as a child. I just flat out refused to be controlled and it infuriated the narc. Still does. I had no idea i was being stubborn or whatever. I'm autistic and no amount of game playing works.

My ex made animal noises at me when I used to eat. He traumatized my daughter so badly in restaurants that she can hardly eat out at all without extreme anxiety. She usually has to take her food to go. These people are insidiously evil. Thank you for drawing awareness to this.

I like the part about “control disguised as concern.” I’ve experienced that. Not just with food 🥘 but other areas as well.

My mother is a narcissist and the abuse is constant, there's no way to get out of it 😕. She can't see me happy and my life is hell . I'm 21 and I still have no rights as a human , I'm a slave to my parents. Hope one day me and my sis and my cats can escape this

I have not seen anybody else talking about this. Disguise manipulation as care, constantly criticizing table manners and commenting on your body weight - these three were absolutely true for me. In the end it's gaslighting for manipulation and control. Despicable.

Not eating meals I had cooked but would eat shop bought sandwiches etc. Always. I’m a good cook. I realised after a time it was his way of demeaning my talent and joy of cooking I’m a foodie and had a library of cook books

My mother forgot to put food she made in the fridge and it became rotten. It smelled and tasted rotten. She gaslit me to say it’s not rotten and forced me to eat it. I got sick later that same night and woke up puking all over the bed. She woke up angrily at me and berated me and commanded me to go to the bathroom. I further vomited uncontrollably in the sink. She berated me for doing that in the sink instead of the toilet, which I didn’t know and she didn’t tell me. I was 9. She was 42.

I almost died from my eating disorder at 19. The construction worker whose a family friend told my parents about his concern. They said I looked better than ever. A month later my kidneys shut down and I had a seizure. I freaked out and till this day they make fun of the way the seizure looked

You better believe it!! Thanks for addressing this! My ex h of over 40 years would do several of these horrible things. Our family would sit down to a nice meal I had prepared. After he prayed, he would start I criticizing something about the food, or one of our children, or why we had to have "such rich" food, the food could be hotter, etc, etc, etc, ANYTHING to disrupt the peace. Of course, trying to calm things down, I would try to explain about this or that he referred to which was part of his complaint. That would trigger his response that I'm "being defensive." He was a slim man and always had been. I was never really overweight, but both our mothers were, so he wanted to make sure I never "got fat". He insisted on having a dessert after 2 meals every day. One night I had made a pan of blonde brownies. I set the pan on the table, and was ready to slice them. He erupted ," Why does this family always have to have such a rich dessert?" Our visiting grown "children" and I were stunned! No one touched the dessert. I cleared it away. Two days later, he said to me,"Where is that pan of brownies?" I told him. Over next three days, he ate the bulk of the dessert. I wouldn't touch it. Another time, we had chicken tenderloins. I was about to serve myself a second one, when he looked at me and with sarcasm said, "You must be really hungry tonight." I immediately put down the fork and proceeded to clear the table. Any time I gave him negative feedback, I was being "unsubmissive".He is deceased, I continue to have regular counseling, and thank Jesus, my Savior for getting me out. I would encourage anyone w this type of abuse or coercive control to get help, document the interactions, and make an exit plan but don't tell your abuser! Things won't get better! Be safe. God loves you. He hasn't made you to be abused and mistreated!

My take: Ex husband narc liked to buy the groceries and would ask me what I wanted. Later he would say what I asked for was too expensive and that I was ungrateful.

1. Needs microwave every time you are in the middle of cooking dinner. 2. Gets so angry that they either throw half cooked dinner away or upset you enough to do it yourself depending on the day. 3. Makes sandwich while you are putting dinner on the table. 4. “Not hungry.” 5. “On diet.” 6. “Queasy.” 7. Forgets to sit down with family for dinner. 8. Blames family member for not inviting him to table a third time. 9. Berates family members for eating snacks which were bought for the whole family. 10. I should probably stop here. In third year of therapy… He’s got a new wife now. I’m off duty.

Thank you so much for this video. I am the daughter of a narcissist so I have unfortunately taken on some of those traits. I can definitely see how I use food against my significant other. That stops today! Thank you again so much!

Absolutely my experience- I was literally persecuted for my size and what I ate while at the same time being beaten up for not eating everything on my plate or being told -“ just one piece of cake won’t hurt you” Totally schizophrenic relationship with food and my body. If I told them to stop I was told I was selfish and ungrateful because they were” just concerned about my health “ When I finally set boundaries on them regarding my weight and food and looks ( yes there were multiple family members like this) They got so angry with me that I’m estranged from some of them now. Narcissists can’t tolerate anyone setting boundaries on them - THEY want to be in control and you be passive and subservient to them. I moved away from them and traveled the world never returning to my home country. When I did go to visit I’d have panic anxiety attacks and desperately try and loose weight before the trip because I knew the criticism and judgmental attitude I was about to encounter. They knew nothing about me other than what my weight was - how I looked, how I dressed etc. Being narcissistic my being a “failure “ with my weight loss was a reflection of them - I made THEM look bad in the eyes of their friends and our community because I wasn’t “perfect” which compounded the shaming I experienced. It has taken me a lifetime to unravel the damage my family of narcissists incurred upon me. It also took a very long time for me to realize how much I had imbibed their negative speech about me into my own head. I was repeating the same BS they had been telling me for years and was just parroting it all back to myself ! Yikes ! All that negative self talk I was doing was them - they had taken up residence in my head / psyche and to regain my own self power and confidence I had to change that negative self talk into positive affirmations. The layers and layers of damage by narcissists is truly astounding. Love yourself, respect yourself, honor yourself because you are a beautiful divine being. Give yourself the unconditional love you never received from those nasty people. I have ! Love to you all ❤

They just suck the joy out of everything...💔

This is making my heart race. My X controlled so much that I had to hide food for my children to eat when he wasn’t home.

My ex constantly accused me of poisoning him. He ate fast food while out for work, but refused to let me and the kids have adequate groceries. He made our kids eat cereal crawling with ants but refused to eat the gross foods he gave us himself. When our son gained a little weight (for just a few months) he bullied him relentlessly for years acting like he was morbidly obese and he was only 5 lbs over healthy weight. He constantly made fun of anyone he saw that was overweight. His favorite insult was "you are nothing but a fat bag of snacks"

As an infant, my mother would withhold breast feeding me as she had chose me as the scapegoat of the family. Perplexed then further why I cried until I was three. These are selfish souls who delight in the suffering of others. Even as a child, I could clearly see she was underdeveloped in her emotional growth.

They can also poison your food or put something in it.....spitting in it ,as an example.Nothing is beneath the realm of their depravity and sadistic nature.

Indirect manipulation is worse than open control because it is so hard to identify. Thus the abuser gains influence.

I’m an adult woman living with my parents because of health issues (including serious GI issues), and my narc mom likes to control my toilet paper usage, even though she’s well aware of my GI problems. It’s incredibly dehumanizing and cruel. So hard to believe a mother could do that to her sick child, but it’s very real.

They enjoy making you feel uncomfortable, exasperated and left out Deliberately Excluding you and leaving you feeling wanting is their goal

I LOVE living alone!!! I am not ridiculed about how loudly I chew. I am not put in to a head lock and have my mouth 'wiped' because I had sauce in the corners of my mouth. My body is not ridiculed. My food is not 'portioned' out for me to half-starvation measures and food is not withheld for punishment or given as a reward. And yes, I did get a severe eating disorder, which I am proud to say I have fully overcome once I understood the dynamics.

Yes! I was overweight as a child and my mother would give me fatty foods high calorie desserts and then proceed to lecture me about how fat and lazy i was. Usually in front of a friends or neighbours.😠 🧐 Still affects me to this day and im 59 yr old. Thankyou for this video.♥️👍

I experienced a lot of this - the table manners, when I ate, when the menu was in a foreign language he made it sound like I was torturing him asking him to translate for me, not finishing every last crumb on my plate, not eating the type of food he thought i should be eating, and the opposite of enjoying junk food - he always told me I was too healthy and that it was "extreme". So whether you're enjoying your favorite cheat snack or you're enjoying your favorite health snack, they will find a way to criticize you. You can't win

The Holy spirit totally guided me here because I was scrolling and this popped up. I have been going through this in the recent years. My family did this to me because of the attention I would get and because I was becoming the best version of myself. They did this along with gang stalking, defaming me and playing psychological games with me.

He would smear food in my face if I asked, "do you want to sit down and eat?", or ,"don't you want to go in the house to eat?". It felt like he dislocated my jaw by punching me in the face with a sandwich in his hand. I felt so low and humiliated . He smeared hot pizza in my face once also. I hated to eat around him. I am thankful to be free of him. All glory to God for saving my life.

How about the narcissist that intentionally cooks, grills, or gets take-out that they know you do not like?

To think that the treatment my brother and I endured was universal... it's eye-opening to say the least

....so spot on. And how did I respond? By SNEAKING food. Hiding food in my room and eating in private. That way of eating has haunted me way into my adult life even when I finally was away from my narcissist mother.

My narcissist would bring junk food in house. I never bought junk food. He would stress me out so bad that I started eating the bad food. I gained so much weight. Then he would tell me that I was going to have to start shopping at a store that was for over weight women. He then discarded me. I think his plan was to make me fat, so no one else would want me. Narcissist are horrible people.

I’ll just say this: I can never eat normally in front of anyone because of the abuse inflicted upon me as an innocent child.. I wasn’t overweight but was treated like I was obese .. it was really sick ! Yes the simple joy of eating an ice cream cone was ruined and I was punished constantly fir just being hungry

Yeah I went through this. Lost so much weight while everyone around got very healthy looking. Before it got to that point, they would follow me into the kitchen, to see what I'm preparing. My hair started falling out from the lack of nutrients. They will do for you when they realized you've cut cords but go back to the treatment eventually. They would even laugh at my lack of having funds to buy food. When I had money I treated everybody most of the time. If I got myself something, I got everybody something. I was even the one cleaning the entire house and cooking for everybody from scratch. When the pandemic started I went through an awakening. That's when it became very apparent not many around mme wanted me to ascend and did all they could to hold me back. Very maniacal and heinous. No empathy.

Finally, someone mentioned this. Thank you! I see in the comments the same pattern I lived through: constant criticizing of cooking skills, price of food, and choice of prepared meals. Looking at the past now, I am surprised I kept my sanity. For example, if he wanted stew, I made it. Then he said it was not nutritious enough. I made soup, meat, potatoes, salad, and dessert the next day. It was too heavy for his gentle stomach. Then: he questioned where did I buy groceries. I replied and was told to never buy them "there" again. The store "sucks." He wanted us to eat healthy - generally a good idea - but his concept was to have our own meat, fruit, and vegetables in the middle of the city. He never said that out loud, but I could read it between the lines. On the other hand, he frequently ordered takeout food and objected when I suggested the same. And so on and on. Now he eats anything. Or nothing. I don´t care anymore.

Thank you for speaking for a trauma nobody ever believed many go through! May the Almighty reward you immensely.

Food..money..sleep. .possessions sex...pets...your other relationships..they 're all parts of your life they want to stamp their mark on

Uhhggg.. I really resonated with this!! My father was awful! It destroyed my twin sister, she became bulimic and eventually lost herself to it, along with alcoholism and depression. A deep rabbit hole. I have developed weight issues along with thyroid and autoimmune issues. So much criticism and the passive aggressive domination.. My father would force me to eat and I once vomited and was punished. Control is what it is.. because of them being a coward!! I love 💗 your videos. Thank you!

They also use food to change your body to gain weight. If they think somebody's looking at you they will bring food in the house that will lead to weight gain. My daughter asked her husband not to bring her anymore unhealthy foods that could lead to weight gain and he purposely went out and bought some junk food back after she asked him not to. He also would not watch the baby when she wanted to workout. He was not supported at all of her weight losing efforts.

Mine would always buy my favorite food when I struggled to lose weight. I started to understand that he wanted me fat - he would make snide remarks when I readied to go to the gym to work out. Twice I got down to a size 14-16. I was on my way to a normal weight. He would bring home anything chocolate- knowing it was my kryptonite. He even “helped me” embark on an exercise routine at 06:00 in the morning to go walking. He was always 20 paces ahead of me. That would upset me and frustrating me. They make everything - everything sooo uncomfortable and such a chore!! They take all of the fun out of fun at every chance they get. I love all the videos about narcissism that I can watch, but honestly, they trigger me so much sometimes! I hear this stuff and I remember, and I just wanna scream 😱 “I fucking hate you!” - but that would just make them happy, so nope, not doing that!😅

You described the narcissist I dated perfectly. He did not eat meat so he did not want me to eat it either under the guise he was concerned about my health. Once I ate a barbecue sandwich in front of him and he stopped speaking to me. We had a big blow out over that. I had to tell him he couldn’t control my diet. Then there was the speed at which I ate my food. I ate too fast for him. For these reasons and many others, I left that relationship and went nc. He was too obnoxious to bear.

My abuser would cause some drama and send me in to anxiety attacks when it was time to eat so I would loose my appetite. He would keep me trapped in the house and rarely buy food and when I would complain about not having food he would tell me we had food. I weighed 90 lbs when I left him. I didn't realize I was suffering from anorexia from the abuse until I started being able to eat like a normal human. He made sleeping a battle too.

I once came home in the evening after a 14 hour work shift. She had done nothing all day. Hadn’t even cleared up the breakfast things. Her first words to me ‘what’s for dinner?’

It's good that somebody finally shines a light on the toxic way narcissists use food & diet as a way to gain control.

He controlled my food and drink, starving me with stories about how I should eat only 1 meal a day for ‘health’. And yes, I did feel weak and hungry all the time. I had no access to grocers, and he’d watch me like a hawk whenever we went out. Never realised it was a cult tactic. Explains how I changed from being a confident strong personality to a shadow within 6 months. I was afraid of upsetting him. The way I ate was also wrong - how dare I bite my fork when eating. I think he once poisoned my salad and I vomited all evening. He looked sheepish after that. When I decided to move on, it was because I had a big shock one morning - I walked near a river and thought if I fell in now, all my problems would end! I knew I had to leave but had to do so quietly. I went home to visit my family and broke it off from there. Still, he harassed me for at least 6 years after that. It took me years to get over the eating disorder I developed. I was always afraid that if I went anywhere, I may starve so would eat whatever I could. Am better now, but I still plan for meals in advance…otherwise it gets too stressful for me. Thank you Danish, for talking about this. I always wondered why he treated me the way he did with food. It was such an odd behaviour.

Wow. I had a friend many years ago who would frequently criticize my choice of food when we ate together and would also tell me that I needed to lose weight. At the time I thought this was rude and it would make me angry, but I would put up with it. I didn’t even think about the person being a narcissist but it was definitely a verbal form of control they would try to exert over me. Thankfully this person has been out of my life for many years now.

The one for me was always commenting on what I should or shouldn’t eat, then “I care about your health”. If we were cooking breakfast, once or twice a week, he would cut the bacon in half and only give me 3 pieces (1.5 piece of bacon). He would refuse me more. It was like that our whole marriage, always under the guise of him helping me.

I have personally experienced him suddenly raging out just before we sit down to eat, which makes eating that meal an impossible task. Another thing is he will constantly try to feed you (a feeder, so to speak) then when we are out just stair at younger slim women. I’m confident in myself, but I could easily see how men doing that would knock your self confidence and esteem. They are all about trying to bring you down, don’t let them win 💝

Once he knew what foods I liked he would make preemptive comments about not wanting me to eat them and then if I did he would say I betrayed him! When I had a night shift and wanted to sleep he would crack the bedroom door open so the cat would jump up on the bed and wake me. I was constantly feeling tired and hungry.

Have you met my mother?! You described her so well. My mom told me to talk to my doctor about obesity. I was 10 pounds overweight max.🤦🏾‍♀️

Reading through the comments, my heart is breaking for everyone who was/ is made to feel less than, simply for being hungry or eating. It also infuriates me deeply. Wishing you all love and strength 💞

Definitely experienced this. I even experience reactive abuse right before meal times. My narcissist x would start a fight about whatever in front of my family and I literally flip the table. Making a mess. If they don't let you eat or sleep, It is abuse and you must get out.

A food-related example that doesn't quite fit any of the five in this vid; I've never liked radishes. When I have a salad, I don't include them or, if they're already there, I pick them out or eat around them. No big deal. Once at a holiday dinner, narc mother had prepared salad and filled a bowl for me. There were radishes in it, so I just pucked around them. As I said, no big deal. But, as I raised a forkful to my mouth, she looked at me and said, "Still don't like radishes, huh?" As she started speaking, I looked at her and saw her looking intently at my fork. By that time in my life, I had her pretty much figured out and I knew the look on her face that meant she was in what I'll call "pounce mode." So I said, in a "you're really weird" tone of voice, "Are you seriously examining what's on my fork?" She was caught, and with no ready reply. So she huffed something like "No I'm not" and quickly walked away. It was fun. 😁

I identify with everything you're saying here. My mother was the narcissistic abuser. It took me a LONG time to get past needing her approval.

My mother had a hairbrush and a wooden spoon beside her at every meal so she would be ready to attack us if we didn’t eat everything quickly enough. She put the food on our plates. More than once she squeezed my nose to make me open my mouth and shovelled the food in as I was choking. There was no family conversation and bonding. It was always traumatic.

Has anyone else experienced times of famine where you had to eat mayonnaise sandwiches then suddenly week later be forced to overeat or get the guilt trip? 5-6 forced hot dogs with wonder bread, mountains of rice or 5 homemade fruit muffins at once was way too much for me as a little child in one sitting! But If not eaten every morsel I had to get a beating for wasting food and hear "There are children starving every day in Africa..."etc. I could never treat my children that way. I chose to love my babies & break the cycle by caring for them doing the exact OPPOSITE of how I was treated. I reflect sometimes and think I shouldn't be alive after everything that happened. It was physically and emotionally painful 😢

We used to go to my mothers for holidays & other occasions. She expected everyone to be there. Well, one Thanksgiving, she had cut the pumpkin pie beforehand, & went around the table delivering each piece to each person, only she skipped my husband, & had one piece left over. My husband was sitting right across from her & it isn't likely that she "accidentally" missed him. Not to mention, she knew how many people were going to be there. And she had never served the pie this way before either. I asked my husband if he wanted some of my pie. He said, no. (He knew what was going on.) I'm sure my mother heard me, I was sitting next to my husband & I believe, everyone heard me, not because I was loud, but everyone was sitting there with us at the table. Then, my mother asked my brother, who was sitting next to her, who was still working on the main part of the meal, if he wanted a second piece of pie. He said, save it for me for later? And that was that. I was beginning to see how my mother was toward my husband more & more, as the years went by. We eventually had to cut them (the whole family) off because of their threats to harm our family. Life is without all the drama now & much more peaceful! (I'm the scapegoat in the family, so it fits that my family treats my husband this way.)

Yep. My mother was a food narcissist. She had me on diets at age 10. She bought me girdles to control my tummy fat (I weighed 130 pounds through high school), and I was constantly given the "look" whenever I ate anything. Yes, I developed an eating disorder. It never stops! In my 30s, and breast feeding my child, she questioned my food choices....

My experience has been food used as the love bombing, and compliment baiting. She watches others plates as much as her own, obsessing over food planning, and if you like it or not. Very vocal, moans, sighs, grunts, while eating, and she wonders why we eat fast and leave the table. It's gross.

I’ve observed this food control behavior and find it appalling…most often males towards females but I’m sure it goes both way…ugh☹️

I had a lodger for 4yrs and at the start he seemed really nice and normal. Right from the start he offered to do all the cooking in exchange for slightly cheaper rent, I hated cooking so it seemed like the perfect setup. I would have dinner cooked as soon as I got home from work, and then he started to make my packed lunch for work. Everyone (including myself) thought he was amazing. However, it wasn’t long that I felt trapped. He would ask me to rate his meals out of 10 every single time which became draining. He would get upset if I chose to eat elsewhere or got a take away. Any take away that I enjoyed, he would copy that food and insist that I don’t need to get a take away anymore as he can replicate the food. I like to eat meat and don’t like pulses, he would purposelessly make a massive pot on beans etc and say that I need to eat it because it was good for my health. The more I resisted the more he would cook it. Then, the food started to taste weird and watery and he would watch me eat and ask me to rate out of 10. Soon came the criticisms about my body, he laid out plans for me to work out and lose weight with him. Before I knew it, he literally started planning out my life. Everything was done with a sweet smile. He never got angry and was super caring and helpful person. If I resisted anything, he would look hurt like an injured animal. Everything was done slowly over a period of time. By the time I asked him to move out, I was on the verge of a breakdown as he had far worse things to contend with.

Your videos are a huge help to me. I’m not sure that I will ever heal from my neglectful childhood and the 20 years married to a narcissist who worked hard to destroy every bit of me and then hated the person he created. But I’m getting there bit by bit; understanding more day by day. Thank you for your contribution to my growth.

Sadly I became so brainwashed I stayed for 30yrs. My middle son was the one to finally open my eyes and help me escape. 💞

Omg. I didn't realize it until this video, but my ex narc did these things. He also fat shamed other people... Made derogatory remarks about people who were overweight, constantly made fun of them around me, to the point where I worried if I gained a single pound For context, I'm 5'1, and usually weigh around 125 lbs. I gained 5 lbs after a surgery a couple months ago, due to lessened mobility and even now, it makes me self-conscious. I'm still having to ease back into physical activity, but I find myself trying to rush it and hardly eating anymore because I am so worried about my weight. I absolutely never realized that this is what was happening. Just, wow 😮

I had a covert narcissist ex boyfriend make fun of my cooking and weight. I was exercising more back then and did feel better about myself. I was going through a divorce and was exercising because he wanted me to, and kind of to lose weight and spite my exhusband (who I learned is also a narcissist, probably the grandiose and possibly malignant type). My exboyfriend would limit my sweets, "Two cookies is a serving size," and would make fun of my weight, insinuating I was a pig or cow at times. He got me a picture of a cow saying Moo for a little kid's nursery to make fun of my weight and he saw a stuffed toy pig with a Santa hat that walked and oinked Christmas carols, making fun of my weight.....so so rude and childish!!!

My father-in-law was the worst such narcissist in my life. He always made comments about what I was eating, how much I was eating, whether or not I was done eating. My mother-in-law is just about anorexic, and I can see why.

My mother in law stated that the reason I work so hard at my job is because I want to make a lot of money so I can spend it on food. She made comments about my weight and also gives me dirty looks when I’m eating. She takes the joy out of every single meal. After 15 years of marriage, I’ve made sure we don’t dine together.

In my experience, I've dealt with someone who loves to stir up drama. It's like clockwork - right before we sit down to eat, they find something to criticize about the condiments I didn't bring, even though they could easily get them themselves. And to top it off, they always manage to bring up the most depressing and annoying topics while we're just trying to enjoy our meal. It's gotten to the point where I'd rather not eat with them at all. It's just too much to handle.

My story is completely different. I have been the scapegoat and I think I have always been skinny due to the constant stress I was submitted. I ate like a wolf 🐺 but couldn't gain weight. She always tried to make me fat but couldn't. It's a surprise I have never had a problem with food until the last crush she gave me in my last attempt to be independent and get a job getting out of her reach and my comfort zone. I was punished for trying to find a job and the whole family help under the exuse of "trying to protect me". I became anorexic but I could fight it in a year although I looked like a prisoner in a Nazi extermination camp. I could have died but no contact saved me. There's no judicial system which can protect you from a cult family. Now I'm all by myself and although I am not as skinny as I was, I'm not fat and most people seems to hate it. Why there's such a hate towards mature single women? In the medieval ages she would have had the power to burn me like in the times of witch hunts... anyway, those times can have a come back; fascism and psychopathy are risen everywhere around the globe 🌎

Thank you so much for this. The person I was with did these things all the time. I knew he was a narcissist but never realized what it was doing to me. Thank you for making this video.

I've been looking for this topic forever! No one seems to understand how bad it is. In my case it's my mother's coercive overfeeding and approval seeking. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten guilted into botulism because I HAVE to eat every meal she makes. Leftovers stack up because I don't have the appetite to eat them all. My mom will hold on to them for days and days. Every time I see her she starts pulling everything out of the fridge to make sure I remember how she slaved in the kitchen for these week old dinners that I just didn't want. She hovers over me as I eat and demands feedback with every bite. She'll even ask if it's good before I've had time to even taste it. What's more insulting is when she cooks something badly, she will serve it to others and eat something else. She even says things didn't turn out good but will still hunt for compliments. While eating a whole other meal!! She also leaves food sitting out all day because she has some hang-up about putting it away before everyone gets a serving. Unfortunately she just cooks or orders takeout whenever she feels like. She never thinks to communicate with me about when I'm available or even hungry. I've explained to her what my needs are and how dangerous she's being and she indignantly ignores it. Oftentimes leaving the room only to start the same damn routine an hour later. She takes everything but pure adoration of her culinary prowess as a personal insult. Since I can't keep up with that supply seeking (and she usually sulks anyway), I've started outright rejecting her meals. I'm always polite but I give a firm "no" or I say "I don't need help feeding myself". She gets very peeved over this and I do feel bad about it but my safety is more important to me. I go through bouts of horrible stomach symptoms and wild weight swings because I'm constantly fighting this silent war over food. I don't want to admit it but I know I tick a lot of boxes for an ED because of this woman. I guess I consider it "functional" at the moment since I do try to keep my head straight about my own food beliefs. In fact, I LOVE food. I love to prepare challenging recipes and to eat decadent treats. I miss having a better appetite, but the stress keeps me from enjoying any of it. I can't escape the topic of food at home and there are days I just won't leave my room because it's easier than being hassled the minute I wake up.

It's terrifying how well you describe my husband. It's as if you know him. Thank you.

As a child, I have been regularly (about every second afternoon) tormented mentally, which made it impossible for me to fall asleep. That... person would come to my bed late at night and when detected I still wasn't asleep, hissed violently: "sleep now! I am telling you to sleep!" In the morning I was too tired to get up and in trouble for being lazy. It was a rollercoaster.

This is so real and I never looked at this in this manner. I didn't really realize did I had narcissistic parents until I was 5-months pregnant and my mother was about to go into a straight fit about a sandwich I wanted in the middle of the evening. I almost went into miscarriage over that argument. It was at that moment I knew I had to distance myself completely from her and from all of them honestly

Number 5. I will never be the same. But I survived. Thank you for talking about the weaponisation of normal things. Many people do not understand how a person can get entangled with a Narc or a cult. A starving brain can be manipulated far easier than an adequately fed one. It’s the same with your “soul” or “spirit,” the “you” of you. They starve you any and every way they can. It’s why many victims and survivors think of Narcs as vampires. And believe me when I tell you they would suck the blood from you if they could.

Sitting at the table in complete silence he'd just sit there looking at the wall chewing his food the hateful twit lol, but it was sole distroying ruined every meal until i realised what his game was.

If I,clearly state say for example I don't want dinner for tonight then the narcissist will constantly challenge your boundary despite you saying no. They always test you whether you are compliant/obedient they will lose their mind if they feel they have no control over you.

It wasn’t about the food itself, but the meal was the time where it was known that I couldn’t leave unless I wanted to eat, so he had a captive listener. It’s when the personal attacks and baseless accusations happened the most. I can’t eat with others anymore nearly at all. People that do this are evil.

You explained it so perfectly. I have been living with a narcissist and have been through all this. It reminded me of the trauma I went through. Thanks for putting it in words.

It’s frightening and cruel.

My husband is one strange CN. He is the picture of social grace when he eats in public but will make terrible sounds and noises and slurping when he eats at home, leaving us disgusted. He'll never let me have a single meal in peace. He'll ask me to bring something, do something right in the middle of every meal. Recently he's started staring at my son's plate throughout. He always says it's because he's lost in thought. It's absolutely crazy

My narcissistic and alcoholic father, a doctor very interested in nutrition, has been obsessed with staying slim all his life. He has also always made sure my mum and I (not my brother) knew we were too fat and had no idea how unhealthy our diet was. Whenever I saw him as an adult he took me to restaurant to watch order and eat to comment on my choices. You cannot win with him, when you pick something unhealthy he will judge you. If you do the opposite he will say you are only choosing right it in front of him...

It can also be you trying to make better choices for yourself, (not asking them to change) by eating healthier and exercising, and they will do everything to sabotage that because they are insecure. When I lived with my mother and would try to make better choices and stay on a healthy lifestyle change, she would want to eat out more, buy tons of junk food etc and act like I thought I was better than her to guilt me into giving up. My husband on the other hand saw me sticking to a healthy routine, and expressed wanting to join me, so I encouraged him and now we are workout buddies and live a healthy lifestyle together that we can model for our children. We still have the foods we enjoy, just in moderation, and we eat what our bodies need and have been getting stronger and leaner. I am so grateful that God sent him to me. ❤️❤️❤️

This made so much sense now.

So true. They will even pull the plate away from you while you are eating. These are some sad people

I was raised by a single narcissistic mother. Control Disguised as Concern was/is the perfect, best way I’ve ever heard to describe them!!! I don’t start to learn of the abuse until I was 24 with two young daughters of my own. It has been an ongoing “issue” for lack of a better term. But I am still healing and my daughters are aware and somewhat educated on what I went through, what their grandmother is and how to maintain their own safe boundaries but sadly she still negatively afffects us sometimes, especially my oldest whom she has targeted over the years. If I could have cut tie’s completely I would have but grandparents have rights and my mother even took me to court for custody. I still have a lot of stress but like I said am still healing and take one day at a time.

I feel like your channel is talking about important things no other “narcissist” channel is talking about. 🙌🏻🙌🏻

My wonderful ex husband called me fat and said I looked like a bum in front of his friends - this was AFTER I gave birth to our second child. 🙄 even being pregnant I have never been over weight. Every time he tried to make me feel fat I rolled my eyes and told him “You are dumb…” sometimes to get back at him I told him he looked like he was putting on weight. He would run to a mirror to check his abs. 😂yeah our marriage was stupid. ❤

This is so accurate. Meal times had been a nightmare for me. Cooking had also become a nightmare, no matter what I cooked he didn't like it, he would complain or pick up a fight or even insult my culture

The other thing I feel worth mentioning is that victims of narcissistic abuse are conditioned and programmed. Many times it’s very slowly over many years until one day we “wake up” to the insidious and evil abuse and manipulation tactics. It’s similar to being in a cult. It takes a long time to re-program and learn to trust again. Please know, you are not alone!!! There are books, videos and support groups and therapists to help.

This is so accurate! I’ve experienced this type of abuse and they will pretend they are doing it for your benefit but it’s only about control! The dinner table and meals are a place narcissists love to humiliate and shame you! Thank you for sharing!

Thank you Danish for addressing this topic. I rented a room , temporarily, from what I thought was a friend with behavior I previously attributed to being 'eccentric'. However within 5 minutes of moving in, behind closed doors, she began making fun of my being'skinny', even though I had told her prior to moving in, that I had metastatic cancer. I was assaulted with narc abuse for 3 months until I was able to move. A large part was 'food abuse': what I was eating, when I was eating, running from wherever she was to watch me eat when I sat down at table, grabbing fruit out of grocery bag to see if it was the 'correct' ripeness. There was other, emotional abuse going on as well. It was duch a devastating experience that as soon as I left I began researching and discovered 'narc abuse'. I spent the last year educating myself about narcs and narc abuse. I believe this is the first I have heard about 'food abuse' but it is so 'right on' - this is what I experienced and it just helps me understand the immensity of abuse I experienced. Thank you for sharing this content and all your vlogs- it is so helpful.

This reminds me of my father. As soon as I hit puberty he started making jokes about my weight. One time he belted me around the kitchen just because I made a sandwich without asking him first. He was acting as though food was scarce in our house, which it wasn`t. In my teens I lived in a girl`s hostel, and I was constantly harassed for being mildly overweight. I was called names and told, "You shouldn`t eat that", or "That won`t slim you". the end result of this was a life long fear of getting fat, but not anorexia, thank god.

Wow man Bashir you’re doing a great job brother, narcissistic abuse is so true and the society seriously needs to be educated about this. Thanks for this message ❤

Man, living with a narcissist for 25 yrs, i am ready to end my own life. Everything is wrong, never talks about me or us. I am tired, as a 49 yr old women and raised with a narcissistic mom, dad and 1 sibling, i have had many mental issues. I can't fight anymore and worst of all, my own doctor doesn't or won't help me. Thank you for the video, explains that i am not going mad. I didn't do or say anything wrong. 😔

My father would only feed us the cheapest possible food and brag about it. We have to be thankful for food found on the street. He would not get food for himself and then eat some of ours. Absolutely no reason for this ever. We were a well off family who should have never had any food issues. To this day he will brag that he and my mother eat at McDonald’s for two dollars. He eats her meal and she cannot order what she wants. She plays the rescue me game and then is angry and gaslights if anyone tries to help

I remember as a young child my brother was made to eat where the dog was fed (on the porch step in the garage). I must have been around 5 yr old, my brother was 3ish. He wasn't eating proper enough for my parents so he needed that negative reinforcement in their humble opinions, I guess. That is one memory that still bothers me sixty years later. It was an isolated incident, yet who does that?

I connected with "many" things you said from a situation that nearly broke me (over 20 yrs ago) - until my survival instinct & common sense kicked in & I knew I had to break away comepletely - it left me a shell of my former self - it was a "long" road back each thing I did that brought joy & health back to me slowly was a stepping stone on the road back to who I truly am inside - you are comepletely accurate with "many" things you said - I subscribed I'm interested in what else you may have to say - hopefully on other subjects as well? You have my curiosity 💯👍👍😊

ALL of this! I now have a terrible relationship with food. Being mocked and berated for being overweight as a child (my parents are very fatphobic), comments in front of friends and family, my plate being scrutinised, controlled and commented on. Even as an adult, before I went No Contact, every time I would see family, my weight would be commented on, snide remarks, criticizing strangers or friends who were overweight, checking what other people in restaurants (women only though) were eating and commenting on it. Add to that that my partner is vegan and I am pretty much vegetarian, whilst my dad and Golden Child Narc brother would demand meat was served at every meal and my mum refused that my partner and I eat differently (we were making our own meals, as well as my dad's and brother's). Meals would then be spent trying to placate my brother who would always find fault with the food, sending my mum back to the kitchen to make him something else, being told I was selfish for refusing to bend to his will and not rush to help her. The she would pick a fight criticizing vegans and veganism, trying to sneak food onto my plate when i said I did not want something and looking hurt and victimised when I would not eat it. Cue for dad and brother to shame and guilt me for making mum cry... Wash, Rinse Repeat. Every Meal. The whole day spent trying to guess what would please my brother to eat, the shopping the cooking the washing (mum dragging it way longer than necessary, just to have me by her side so she can complain about me). Telling me that it is rude to make a different food for us non meat eaters, that our food is unhealthy and "looks bad"... exhausting.