6 Sad Ways Hijackal Abandon You...While You're With Them

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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler - Help for Toxic Relationships

2 жыл бұрын

Wonder why you feel so alone even though you're in a relationship? Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, toxic folks--want to affect you, want to control how you feel. Abandoning you while with you creates a very lonely place. Notice these 6 ways so that you will be able to see them coming and not take them as personally. This episode will also help you to recognize that, although Hijackals make these things your fault, they are NOT YOUR FAULT!
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
- How Hijackals--narcissists, and other toxic folks--desert you even when they're in the same room with you
- How Hijackals show their lack of interest
- Why it's important to understand feeling abandoned when the person is still there
- 6 ways this abandonment shows up in your relationship
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* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
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Пікірлер: 201

@robinberry4957 Жыл бұрын

They leave before they PHYSICALLY LEAVE!

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

That contemptuous look is like seeing the devil incarnate. It's very disturbing 😲

@juanadrianrobaina5763 5 ай бұрын

I have felt more lonely than when i was with a narcissist,it is just like being with a ghost,thete is nothing there...😮😢

@debralondon2402 6 ай бұрын

It’s hard to believe people can be so cruel to someone so good to them. Sad

@MsSavannasMom 8 ай бұрын

Literally said, "I don't want to hear about your great day."

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

Really invalidating :(

@cyndijoylee 7 ай бұрын

I finally realized after having a bilateral mastectomies for Ductal Carcinoma that he had no desire and no capacity for compassion. He treated me even worse at a time when I was helpless.

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that 😞

@cyndijoylee 7 ай бұрын

Crohns, breast cancer twice, heart attack and open heart surgery. Yes. The body says no.

@victorial8764 2 ай бұрын

Oh gosh. I noticed when he went to rehab my shoulder pain went away after 1 1/2 years! And when he came back it came back a month later. I put it together and was dumbfounded though I kind of believed it could happen. Abuse causes you sickness. The worse is when they take away your mental health. It’s hard because that makes the physical stuff too. Like stomach aches, no appetite, chest tightness. I’m glad you lived and thank you for sharing. It helped me. ❤😊

@13kskinner 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for addressing abandonment even when they don’t actually leave. It’s gut wrenching.

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. It IS gut-wrenching...and heart-breaking.

@tinaureta9891 Жыл бұрын

Yup, I understand. After 25 years… I let my husband have it! I told him LOUDLY & FIRMLY…. “ Stop threatening, I am Tired of it, if that’s what you want.. GO! GO! GO! , then I immediately followed it up with , l “I am Emotionally Prepared and I have God and Plenty of people who Love and support me!”and I walked out of the room and Shut my door 30:39 He bowed down… clammed up… nothing done…. But at least He knows now.. hasn’t Done it aince

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

It's in-DEED quasi paralizing❤

@angypapa2191 6 ай бұрын

I did pickup on that too. Yes they can log out emotionally. There just there in body. No love, no emotion just an icy cold wind coming off them. Scary and cringing 😢

@lynnemilazzo3904 8 ай бұрын

My daughter would never ask me how I'm doing... Never... No equality in our adult relationship. It was her way or the highway ... Sad

@LIONSUNRISING 5 күн бұрын

Ditto... with 3😢

@tamc6474 5 күн бұрын

@@LIONSUNRISING I have 3 also, exactly like their Father . How?

@katray7452 4 ай бұрын

I sat across from my father, knowing he beat the living spirit out of me as a child. I wanted him to know I forgave him. I had hoped we could have a better relationship. I ended up being the one who apologized. I was humiliated and gaslit. Warning: Don't go there.

@kendroid2285 2 жыл бұрын

Every single point you discussed was present in my marriage. It's a truly lonely and painful experience.

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, it may be one of the loneliest experiences. :(

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

Not once, but 3 times 16 years of it, was, in-DEED quite the experience ❣️🔥🌹

@WalkerHoundGal 2 жыл бұрын

When I had our 2 nd baby, he left me while I was in transition ( hardest part of labor) to go to a nearby restaurant to eat. 2 days later when I was discharged, I couldn’t go home. A playoff game was on tv. He lounged in my hospital bed drinking beer, while I sat with my coat on, waiting to take my newborn home. When I asked to leave, he said, “ The nurse said we don’t have to leave until we’re ready. “ My heart sank. And even worse, I was in grief because our baby had been born with a congenital birth defect and I was absolutely beside myself with sorrow for her, and what she would go through in life. I was utterly alone, unsupported, and broken.

@foxiefair123 2 жыл бұрын

😢❤️

@susanparker767 2 жыл бұрын

✨🙏🏼✨

@laurabeigh283 2 жыл бұрын

Oh sis, I’m so sorry. Your man is an ass hat. You deserve so much better. ❤️

@foxiefair123 2 жыл бұрын

@@laurabeigh283 Absolutely!

@b52270 2 жыл бұрын

So sorry. I had a son 14 yrs ago who was born with a severe hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I hope your daughter is doing well currently. It's such a helpless, scary place to be in especially when your partner is cold and emotionally unable

@kerrymillar1267 2 жыл бұрын

I was working extra shifts to get enough money to move to a bigger house. He never worked for 18 months. I told him he needed to get a job. Within 4 months he moved out for another woman he met at work. He’s left me with our 3 year old son after 5 years. It seemed as easy for him as catching a bus.

@fishstickbio594 2 жыл бұрын

You are lucky as the other female will get the same treatment as you did .

@kerrymillar1267 2 жыл бұрын

@@fishstickbio594 thanks but I don’t feel lucky.

@l0us3rr Жыл бұрын

He could've stuck around for 15 more years. Good you got out and saw him for who he is now.

@terrapintravels3829 2 жыл бұрын

A hijackle sibling of mine future faked me telling me I was going to be a prime person in her business, I would get college credits for attending her workshop and a certification. I moved to the state she lived in, set up an apartment then didnt hear from her for 2 months. She called me the week before the certification to ask if I'd done the homework. Baffled I said no. She asked if I got the emails, I said no. She then said she must have forgotten but I could wait for another 4 months, I said NO! I found out she hadnt registered me for the college credit either. When i brought this up she became indignant telling me i should be grateful she gave me a free workshop which i hadnt been registered for either. I have mostly nothing to do with her.

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Sadly, that's an all-too-frequent example of a Hijackal in business! I'm sorry to hear she treated you so poorly, and glad to hear you have removed her from your life.

@fionadevlyn5087 6 ай бұрын

Wow 😮sory too hear that good on not having anything too do with them ❤

@sarahcouture24 Жыл бұрын

This is literally the story of my life. EVERYBODY! Mom. Dad. Boyfriend. Friends… thank god I have a therapist, but too bad she’s so busy and can only get me in every 3 weeks :( simply not enough, but better than nothing… why am I so surrounded by hijackles ? They’re everywhere!!! I don’t think I even know a non hijackle!! It’s the loneliest hell on earth for me. Thanks for this video because I feel validated and understood and seen. A rare occurrence for me indeed. 🙏🏻💜

@The.Indian.Goddess Жыл бұрын

Wow you are not alone ,we are all here too ...its same for me here plus financial abuse

@merrill5780 9 ай бұрын

Me too, alone in relationships my whole life.

@janetpattison8474 7 ай бұрын

I feel the same , that the narcs or hijackles surround me. The abandonment has been torture. Truly heartbreaking. ❤️‍🩹

@SarinaValentinaxo 7 ай бұрын

I’m in the same situation and it feels so overwhelming. You almost feel paranoid like you can’t trust anyone because they are all like that and what are their intentions? Please don’t let it get to you and stay strong!!!!! You will be guided if you hang in there!

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

Her video about "Personal Weather Report" will prove fabulously helpful to your own sanity. Remember deep breathing. Especially before that first bite. May the power of self love, inner joy and perfect peace be with you all❤

@cyndijoylee 7 ай бұрын

Mine screamed at me all the way to emergency. I had emergency surgery for an abscess that had been forming for six months and caused me to go sepsis.

@jasongrice5465 2 жыл бұрын

Their conversations are always a game play, always leading to supply of some form for them. That's why they don't let you have a conversation with them about anything. They only see themselves in others.

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

They have no sense of self. At all.

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

Then again, depending on who is present, they wear many hats, have many masks. Then again, didn't i 😢

@Hummingbird64 7 ай бұрын

Mine said after i had a procedure and the anesthesia caused me to ask the same questions over and over . He said if you ever get like that im going to put you in a nursing home so fast .

@stacysnyder7885 11 ай бұрын

While Listening to this and reading comments I didn't realize how many women are going through what I have went through. Have experienced everything you have talked about.

@patwojcik1203 7 ай бұрын

I am crying thru this video.

@percystreet 11 ай бұрын

I long for civility in our interaction - everything, even the simplest things in daily life become so difficult, become a contest or an argument

@EssaryMichele Жыл бұрын

Haha! So true. They turn it on and off, so they have full control. He was full out raging at me for an hour and I couldn't even get a word in and stopped trying. The maintenance man was sent because of a noise complaint. As soon as he knocked the hyjackal got real quiet and polite and apologetic.

@michaeljackson7361 Жыл бұрын

I got sick. She discarded me. I'm healthy as a tick now. And, now she's the sick one Yep, lots of projection from them Terrible teammates

@moxig5717 Жыл бұрын

I wrote to my ex last week when we were still sort of together and told him I had a call from the care center for my dad and needed to go in because he was declining I heard from 10 friends back right away, he never wrote back, in fact, he wrote two days later, and told me to F off , Anytime he is needed for emotional support, he picks a fight And calls me crazy

@ForRelationshipHelp Жыл бұрын

That's such a clear example of totally lack of empathy, right? Now, he can go away and never darken your door again.

@ChereeVerity 10 ай бұрын

This JUST happened to me too! I texted him that I've lost my Mother He responded, saying that he's been, um, 'sleeping' with other women who weren't re***ded pieces of S*** like me This was 2 days ago Today I told him he's right about me, I'm awful & just awful, and he can totally do better than me Wished him well And blocked him everywhere Hope I can stick with it, 2 years is 2 too long

@gloriadonahue7241 Жыл бұрын

When I would start talking, my ex narc would interrupt me and say " I'm dying from lack of Interest."

@voteformeg Ай бұрын

THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY I HOPE YOU LEFT HIM BY NOW 😭 😭 😭 😭

@jenniferscott2657 Жыл бұрын

You really understand this dynamic. "The exhaustion, them taking all you have to give.." touched my soul, because you said out loud exactly how I feel, but couldn't express in words. The more he drained me of my joy, my goodness, the happier he was in life. When he had sucked all the will to live out of me with physical, verbal and emotional abuse, he was at his happiest, smiling laughing, the depression wad gone, the self loathing, but only when he had reduced me to nothing

@janetpattison8474 7 ай бұрын

Please, tell us that you left. I really hope you are ok. It makes me so sad to hear of women suffering so greatly. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 And it’s true , narcs are happiest when they see we’re in misery bc of them. No contact is the only answer.

@patwojcik1203 7 ай бұрын

I feel the same. So depressed

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

Once i awoke to my higher self, i realized what great things they had taught me, about my higher self and the prison bars literally vanished. The answers ended up being within where they were all along when i was too busy to listen properly. What a relief it is❤

@dimples5933 3 ай бұрын

This is the core of me right now

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

My mom, who passed, was very attentive and my best friend but none of the rest of my family or ex or one of my two sons and my dad abandoned me emotionally.

@marthacarlson6106 11 ай бұрын

I just found you! Praises! I was going in for cancer surgery, he wanted to go to Milwaukee for a game with his brother.

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

😢 that is awful but not surprising behaviour for a narc!

@lynndupree1205 21 күн бұрын

Listen I have an idea about how to cope with emotional abandonment. Get yourself fixed up and looking really good: start working out, lose weight, a new hairstyle, new clothes. Just looking the very best you can. Then, start going places on your own. Find some group activities. Volunteer. Take a part time job. Make new friends. Don't bother explaining to the hijackel, just say I'm going out and I dont know when I will be back. Disassociate yourself from his needs. If you have to provide anything to him, do the bare minimum. Have a little interaction with him as possible. In other words, get a life of your own that doesn't involve the hijackel. And when he asks you what is going on, say "Oh nothing." Period.

@Jess-kn8vl 11 ай бұрын

Ive noticed that when someone who doesnt usually text you pops up out of the blue with "how are you?" 100% of the time they will ask you for a favor. Or if they ask "what are you up too?!" Beware, they could be asking you for a favor!

@moyamontgomery1468 2 ай бұрын

My favourite kind. You don’t see them for ages then they turn up out of the blue and ask you how you are doing and tell you what they want from you in one sentence.😂

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

What an apt term. Being hijacked by jackals - that's very much how it feels. Thank you Doctor 🙏💝💯

@cantfindmykeys Жыл бұрын

Dr. Rhoberta, you said "Yes, Hijackals can have narcissistic, passive-aggressive, sociopathic, histrionic, and/or psychopathic traits." And wow. If that doesn't perfectly nail it. He has a combination of everything you mentioned. And I was wondering if all of those traits could mainifest in one creature from hell. Pardon me, I mean in one person. What made me snap out of it was when he had a histrionic tantrum and packed up and left at 5am with me saying "What are you doing?" Maybe because I reminded him not to leave dirty dishes in the sink or refused to lend him money. Anyway, he now spits venom at me for "kicking him out"! I did no such thing! I offered him a free month in my apartment so he could save money for his own place. And then he didn't work for days and I said How will you save money if you sit around or sleep all day and don't work? So I'm the monster, yes, I'm the bad guy. ffs. Thank goodness I won't have to deal with his passive aggressive pouting and moodiness now.

@jennymeador6298 Жыл бұрын

Since they put on such a perfect show for all. Isn’t it a shame based disorder?

@VioletSmith-ck2zk Жыл бұрын

This just described my entire childhood. My mom still does all of this, even as an adult.

@judithsnyder3577 8 ай бұрын

So painful

@lolaweed7467 24 күн бұрын

I was completing an honours degree in lockdown. I would be left alone for days sometimes weeks they resented me instead of being supportive - I was emotionally and physically abandoned for 2 years. My nervous system eventually went into overdrive

@cyndijoylee 7 ай бұрын

They do choose good behavior when they need to.

@sarrahhagedorn4296 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Finding these has led to a breakthrough for me. I had no idea this was what I was dealing with. Omg the healing and boundaries that can commence now make me weep with gratitude

@robinanderson9533 Жыл бұрын

Hi my name is Robin, yes I just learned how to take my peer back he abandoned us lest went to mother for 7, days came still body shaming name dropping ignoring me but when he want something I come alive to him again . Not anymore I let him talk but I don’t think nor get excited that he’s noticing me again I remain silent and then go pray that I did react and I become so much stronger I m at peace with his distance now 🙏🏽

@HD-mg9ru 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Rhoberta for making me so aware of the people around me. That's including family. They are serious hijackals. And now it makes sense how I abandoned myself for these people. It's time now to stop abandoning me. I'm gonna work on me. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤

@bobsanderz3005 2 жыл бұрын

I have no idea why she is like this. I’m an awesome, interesting man and a great, loyal husband. She wants nothing to do with me except one part of my body. That she insults when she’s mad.

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

As you watch more videos, you may understand why she's like this....AND, realize she is unlikely to change and her behavior has little to do with who you are.

@lindalonsbury5362 2 жыл бұрын

Mt husband was calling me animal names, a dog, a bear, a toad,etc. I firmly told him this will stop and he did stop. He continues to make fun of me when I'm ill.

@foxiefair123 2 жыл бұрын

😢❤️

@kaystephens2672 Жыл бұрын

Mine (jokingly) said call me Master. 22 years free of that freak

@robinanderson9533 Жыл бұрын

He’s not talking to me again and keep saying I’m dead to him !

@jenniferscott2657 Жыл бұрын

I only had 5 min to speak. After 5 min he would rage on me, screaming to shut my mouth!! I wasn't allowed to speak in the mornings until he drank his coffee and said so, because I was so annoying he couldn't stand me! It's so painful

@sjwillis1137 2 жыл бұрын

Dear Lord , I almost wish I had not found this channel . Rings too , too true . My list of disrespectful acts are , not endless , but they are are many . I'm not going to go into my shit show .!! Yes , more and morr tired . More and more empty ,' It's so sad , tragic actually , because I love him so so much . But it is not ever going to be what I positively projected, for years !!!!! Is a hyjaclke an narcissist?? I eant to know more .

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, Hijackals can have narcissistic, passive-aggressive, sociopathic, histrionic, and/or psychopathic traits. I created the term so that folks would not thinking they could diagnose, and would understand the patterns, traits, and cycles.

@EssaryMichele Жыл бұрын

Spent 20 years in a marriage where he emotionally abandoned me. Might as well have been a piece of furniture. The last 3 years there was a complete disinterest and always doing his own thing without me.

@Portia620 8 ай бұрын

Analyzing all this and had no idea this was abandonment!!! Now I see it!

@ryanb9930 11 ай бұрын

Wed be shopping together in a store and he would just leave me there. After finding him in another store and complaining for leaving, he did it again! This is a literal example, I know, but it shows just how bad it was. Im mad at myself for being so stupid! I wanted love and companionship so bad i silenced my intuition. He was a narcissist to the core. It has to be said. She hit on every point. He is a disgusting human being and I'm glad its finally over. It's still too fresh and just watching this brings about a painful realization.

@MichaelTaylor-gt2ge 8 ай бұрын

I've had this. Just dissappears down the shop like their only interested in what they need or want and discard what the other person may need or want. The utter selfishness of these people never fails to amaze me! You could give them the world but it still would not be enough. I feel so sorry for each and every victim of the narcissist. They are pure evil!

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

I was in labor and found out he was cheating and then he left when I went into labor- I am messed up so bad.

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

My ex even yelled at me for getting an epidural

@tannd8476 Жыл бұрын

Cathy, I hope things have gotten better for you. Things will get better, please leave him for yourself and your baby.

@camellia8625 7 ай бұрын

I am so sorry you have had that happen. I hope you have more supportive people in your life now.

@kimberlyasborno1250 2 ай бұрын

Breadcrumbs. Oh, yes.

@queenaries4206 3 ай бұрын

Dr. I been with my husband from age17 until current age 50.. We have 4 adult children. Everything you said in this video is my husband 100%. I couldn’t believe it. My heart is sad & I felt lonely the entire relationship. He acts like a covert narcissist. Since 2019 I been calling him the devil’s son. To the world 🌍 he’s charming but the reality is he’s living a real double life that he confessed to ( after I left him ) in December. We are still married but separated. His double life isn’t an affair it’s basically being a criminal that never got caught. He claim since we been together over 30 plus years he’s been fighting for his freedom. To me he’s evil

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

My dad would disparage my weight or my singing voice (when I sand happy birthday to him) and he makes things up- tells me I lie about things I did not lie about- he was caught.

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

funny I mentioned the weight thing after you said that...also all your videos are so spot on for me and I am so fearful of trusting. So many other things too.

@kimberlymccracken747 11 ай бұрын

Yes, per the needs - both parents, brother, spouse. I rarely have experienced that kind of intentional emotional support and presence. I still don't have it, but I am learning not to abandon myself. ❤❤ Yes, my partner acts like I'm a black hole of emotional need because I get so starved doing without it on so many levels. Plus, when it comes to medical emergencies he doesn't like to accept help or he tries to act like it's not a big deal or that I am overreacting. Also, he tries to self-diagnose - even when it turned out I had a complex fracture. 💯👍🤷‍♀️

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

I can totally relate. Father, brother & husband all narc and/or dismissive avoidant. Its hard feeling so unsupported and under valued. My mother has been supportive since I was an adult and had children. But I have never really felt really respected by her. Its like she always had to be in the superior position. Generally due to the fact that she has a lot of money and I don’t. So she uses it as a way to both help and as a way to secure loyalty and connection. Not sure if I’m being ungrateful there, probably, but its what it feels like. I wish I wasn’t reliant on others for money.

@moxig5717 Жыл бұрын

You are amazing, and you hit it right on the head when you said they don’t want to be needed!!! Because too much as expected from them They only want to get to know you enough to know what kind of crumbs to throw out you when you start to leave

@ForRelationshipHelp Жыл бұрын

It's sadly true that they will do the very least they can get away with to keep you as their supply. A hard lesson, and a good one to learn.

@yourloved113 Жыл бұрын

Wow

@la7427 11 ай бұрын

I needed to hear this. Thank you

@MsKinzel 8 ай бұрын

Thank you! This is very valuable....

@debralondon2402 6 ай бұрын

Great video. Very helpful. Thanks 🙏

@pandamonium4506 4 ай бұрын

Thanks!

@kimberlyasborno1250 2 ай бұрын

I love your term "upside-down ".parenting

@margaretsargent131 5 ай бұрын

Very helpful...

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

So glad I found your channel- you are warm to us!

@laurabeigh283 2 жыл бұрын

Wow! Your videos are so good and so helpful. Thank you ❤️

@sjwillis1137 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry John . It happened to me too But even worse .😖🙏

@sashawalter4617 8 ай бұрын

Thank you! I have just found you... Thank you from the bottom of my heart

@kenbridgeman8590 10 ай бұрын

I love your term ‘hijackals’. Very creative. And I do feel more comfortable with the word than say narcissist.

@robinanderson9533 Жыл бұрын

Robin again I’m new to your channel and will be in touch for sessions thank you so much !

@dimples5933 3 ай бұрын

Thank you… word for word

@regiz5358 Жыл бұрын

You are such a wonderful human being!!!!!!!!! LOve your lessons. Diamonds of knowledge !!!!

@kerrigentry8788 Жыл бұрын

I am so happy I found your channel. I stumbled across it just a few days ago and I am so sad o hadn't found you sooner! I found this video hit very close to home. Only I wonder why my hijayl left me because he claims I abandoned him emotionally. He tells me it's because I no longer showed him I cared, he never felt wanted, that he didn't matter. He left me a month ago and filed for a divorce 5 days later. The thing is, I'd been through a lot of trauma in a short amount of time including his abuse. I have been experiencing a dissociative disorder and it shut every emotion I had down. Yet, I abandoned him. I'm not sure how to deal with this and process the fact the man I've known and loved for so long became someone. I didn't know. Why did he leave me even though my hijakal's verbal abuse played a huge part in why I developed the dissociative disorder? It's kept me in tangles. Thank you for helping me learn a few things as to why most things are the way they are in my life. Now if I could just not feel like I am normal again.

@ForRelationshipHelp Жыл бұрын

I'm glad you found the channel helpful. From what you've written, you are now seeing how he engaged in blameshifting and projection. That's good to see so that you realize what was actually going on and not just what HE said was. That clarity is a great start.

@marilynng4337 Жыл бұрын

Wow you are on my street My soon to be ex began the discard phase when I wanted a mutual loving relationship He actually looked at me like I was asking him to commit a crime. My daughter in law was so applaud that I wanted to see my grandson when it was convenient for me. I was punished big time when I had something to do when she demanded me to watch him on her terms These folks are so foolish I can’t believe it Thank you Dr Shaler for this video I look forward to talking with you one on one again hugs

@joso7251 29 күн бұрын

Thank you!!! Very deep, yet simply put WOW….

@kayjones8708 7 ай бұрын

You’re just reaffirming everything that that I knew and I’ve known for a little while by listening to people like you on the KZfaq you’re so precious and this just can’t say enough about what you’re doing for so many people God bless you

@kimberlyasborno1250 2 ай бұрын

I always had to have my "left" up....always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 😢

@jackiep5009 Ай бұрын

I love your term Hi Jackal. My ex was diagnosed with BPD but sometimes it looks more like NPD rage and power/ control at all costs. He does have empathy but it is in and out it seems. It’s nice to have a more inclusive term

@jackiep5009 Ай бұрын

All I know is it was epic abuse until I left 4.23.24

@rashellewilcox2633 10 ай бұрын

You are a jewel!!!! Your podcasts are a tremendous breakthrough for me.

@rashellewilcox2633 10 ай бұрын

This explains soooooooooo much.

@ritadoran5039 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Dr Rhoberta Hope you are well I've missed these videos glad to be back To seeing them thank you

@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын

Hi, Rita. I'm curious. A couple of people said they had missed them, however, I've been doing them every single week. Are you a subscriber to my KZfaq channel? Or, have you liked my Facebook page, facebook.com/saveyoursanitypodcast? If so, you'll get a notification each Monday afternoon to tell you about the evening's topic.

@candyhumpf6267 5 ай бұрын

Thank you. I knew this but didn’t . It’s all so true. Sadly 😢

@dianahogg6164 6 ай бұрын

Thankyou, you have explained my marriage. I gave birth to second child and he left the room running in a hurry, the poor nurse told me he was bashful. That was acceptable cause he always played at being bashful. Many years later about to board an aeroplane he in a wheelchair. I was his carer got up and ran out of the airport and drove off in our new car. I had to get buses and train to get home. 😮

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

That is horrifying!!! Can you leave?

@kimberlyasborno1250 2 ай бұрын

Ive never considered it as abandonment before. But that totally explains it...

@ginaeboldt5107 11 ай бұрын

Great information. I would get the comment “that’s random”.

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

As in ‘there is no meaning in your experience’.

@ritadoran5039 10 ай бұрын

The joke about it all is you are there for all of the narcissist trials and tribulations but they will leave you in your weakest or sickest time in your life that is a fact

@tammyhantis2509 11 ай бұрын

I’m not sure a hyjackal even knows they are that ? …but the behaviors I experienced are your classic term hykackal ! Thank you for all information and confirmation

@brendaknox7568 2 ай бұрын

Everything that she is saying is exactly on point. I was married to this.

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

Sadly I saw a post saying Dr Shaler passed away this month 😢

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

I am married to this. All significant men in my family are/were this. (Father, brother, husband).

@brendaknox7568 2 ай бұрын

@@Ikr2025 I knew she had passed. The friend who told me about her let me know. I was married to this. It was only after we divorced that I new anything about all of this. I tried to wait for him to change. It was only when I completely gave up and was looking for my exit that he pointed a loaded shotgun at me. It is only because of God that I am here. I had no feelings at all. God had me blank with zero feelings when he did that.

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

@@brendaknox7568 sorry about that. Glad you survived that and were able to leave! My situation has not felt that violent. Just chronically invalidating. Like all the people in my life - especially the men have said you me ‘you don’t matter, your worth is low, you’ll be tolerated at best, be quiet or we’ll show you contempt or simply ignore you’. I have to validate myself now!

@brendaknox7568 2 ай бұрын

@@Ikr2025Thank you I am glad to be alive. God validates us. Look at how Jesus was always loving to woman. All that He came across He treated with dignity..

@bluemilk5546 2 жыл бұрын

I am so grateful to you from my soul 46 understanding I am going through this right now as we speak or as I speak. I've been abandoned in the relationship and he blames me that he got caught cheating and gave me an STD Frankie's phone number things like that life is this I was wrong for catching him and the way I had to catch him because he wouldn't tell me the truth I'm just thankful for you

@mamadoom9724 7 ай бұрын

It’s so terrifying and devastating when you finally wake up and see you’ve devoted your life to a hijackal. The future faking is so huge with mine. Ive slaved away for years to support him in his dream of running a business and this whole time I thought we were working our butts off to tackle the world together. For years he’s been telling me that he’s gotten these big jobs and hes right on the brink of success but something goes wrong everytime, the paychecks are small and rare. I’ve come to the realization that it’s just all lies and instead of us slaving away together I have been enabling him and supporting him so he can sit in his shop drinking beer all day. What a mess 😞 I wonder if I could get him to quit drinking he might quit lying to me and gaslighting me 🤔 I’ve been trying but it seems that he’s deciding to choose the alcohol over me and the kids.

@WalkerHoundGal 7 ай бұрын

I went the route of getting my spouse into rehab 3 separate times, but the problem doesn’t go away because the hijackal can’t see their own addiction, wrongdoing, lies, betrayal, or abuse of others. They will tell you they completed the program and then sneak right back to the same old garbage. I found it better to partner with myself and live a life that I love to live. As disconnected from the hijackal as humanly possible. 😊❤️

@Ij-bb8mk Ай бұрын

The truth you know and act on will set you free. Once you have seen you have been dealing with an unwholesome person, why stay on trying to control his life and choices? Leave the hijackal alone! CHOOSE YOU! Invest in yourself. Use your resources in your own career or business. You will be happy you did and your kids will have a healthier home life and model.

@cherylross393 Жыл бұрын

It's gut wrenching and lonely and ugly. So wonderful dating then the marriage letdown reality.

@cathychase663 Жыл бұрын

I have a question for you on this topic: What if you are so emotionally wounded that you become that way by no ill-intention? I totally had abandonment even when I was going through cancer? (oh you just said a healthy person takes it on - I get so scared bc I am trying to be a good person)....I feel so needy and cry a lot and have one person that is there for me but my family no. I ordered that book on C PTSD and also am starting therapy

@theresefournier3269 6 ай бұрын

❤

@debralondon2402 Жыл бұрын

Humorous. I laughed a lot - good medicine. What? YOU need something from me? Oh NO…

@jainemason7986 4 ай бұрын

I told me ex not to come by my home. He turned up the next night and dumped TVs on my elderly neighbours garden, who is also a very good friend of mine. Left a note saying don't be a git I will report you for illegal dumping. The weekend after the same neighbours car was broken into and messed up. Is that what they do honestly? I am new to this 😢

@kimberlyasborno1250 2 ай бұрын

The contempt.

@ms.voicer3214 11 ай бұрын

What about sexual abandonment? He hasn’t touched me in months. He says when we make more money then he will be interested in sex again. But he watches porn and cheats on me.

@isrj1111 10 ай бұрын

Fearful avoidants are mostly fitting the description of a Hijackal

@Ikr2025 2 ай бұрын

I think its more the dismissive avoidants.

@the1rockgirl 2 жыл бұрын

When I am told that he needs his freedom to be with other women. I have felt so abandoned by him. Been with him for 2.5 yrs. The things that he says have been so shocking and I have continued to go back to him either through me feeling guilty that it's my fault or he has live bombed me. What do you say to them. No one has been so mentally cruel as he has been and still wanting me back. Finally he left me and it's been a week. There was no reason only to blame me for allowing my ex husband amd son's dad to manipulate me. He said if he can then so can I. Then he said he didn't want to be around this anymore. He left me last week. Any tips to get over him. I don't know what I did to him. I am in the fog amd feeling detached from myself.

@foxiefair123 2 жыл бұрын

😢❤️

@fishstickbio594 2 жыл бұрын

The biggest tip ever when he wants to come back to you is : remember all the crazy ways he made you feel and decide HIM doesn’t DESERVE YOU . They cheat with other females while gone too.

@col2959 11 ай бұрын

Your really attractive ! Don’t put up with such sh*t

@lisaosbourne-eden4576 11 ай бұрын

Hijackyl seesms similar to a narciscist

@charityhouze647 11 ай бұрын

What about adult children who do this like their grandparents ?

@percubit10 10 ай бұрын

Story of My life. Now I find myself lacking self

@serenaroseauthentics1391 11 ай бұрын

So is a hijackal a type of narcissist?

@amothergoddess2774 Жыл бұрын

DIGESTIVE, NEARLY DIED FR IT, HIJACKAL SISTERS, MOTHER. GETTING SISTERS OUT OF LIFE, DON'T SEE THEM MUCH, BUT EVEN A PHONECALL CAN BE TAXING! I FIND MOST PEOPLE ARE DISAPPOINTING AFTER YOU GET TO KNOW THEM, BUT ITS PROBABLY THE DUDS I'VE HAD THE PLEASURE TO KNOW, I DO MEET SEEMINGLY CONSISTENTLY NICE PEOPLE THOUGH, EVEN MY NEW ART TEACHER COMES ACROSS AS A NARC, I WOULDN'T GO BACK BUT I'VE PAID MY MONEY AND IT WASN'T CHEAP, I'M IN AUSTRALIA!

@lauriefavreau6959 9 ай бұрын

I cannot become a member because my husband pays all the bills and he would know. He has abandoned me. He doesn't answer my calls or emails. I don't know where he is. I am ill and he has no need of me. I have four doctor appointments scheduled. He has been calling me crasy, even said he is waiting for me to die and tells me I'm to scared to go to the doctor.

@user-cm5zg2pl6k 4 ай бұрын

They will get out of bad and go sleep on the couch. And it's always a different reason why they did it. Or you go and do and see there kids and go to events for there kids but when it comes to yours there is always a reason they can not go even when it was planned way in advance

@lorririek-ld4ec 8 ай бұрын

My ex to be asked out our marriage counselor and said so what when caught. Isolated me from all my staff and lied and lied. 14 years of marriage. The sadness of a failed marriage is taking a toll on my mind. I try to be honest and deal and he just ignores.

@tinaferr 6 ай бұрын

You didn't make a mistake picking him. He made a mistake not respecting you. The only mistake you can make now is not respecting yourself enough to leave and stay away. To not be ok with being alone. To not forgive yourself for staying. You are a hopeful, forgiving, idealistic person. What you are looking for is also looking for you.❤🙏