I understand exactly what you mean.

Same here ;_;

Just when I feel it’s better. I spiral again.

I feel you

Hypnotherapy.

💯That’s why I’m the black sheep and I can say it doesn’t bother me but it does in some fashion.

i use my anger as a crutch the down side is the potential to crash and end up on the news is always there

That is completely true.

Its not a battle when you stop giving a damn what they think

True, I see it clearly

You described what I've been like too. Being non confrontational caused me more pain and stress, resentment, anger than just confronting people. Super unhealthy.

And sometimes when you are confrontational even if you try to be diplomatic people do get defensive or near violent or they shut down or won’t engage. So many unhealthy people and that tension and internal conflict becomes too much so you give up.

I am like that too and still have a lot of healing to do

External conflict a lot of times will not solve problems. Even as an intellegent articulate outspoken person you run into incredible bottle necks. Most commonly an abject lack of empathy or just general ability to focus/understand. The real problem is that people who are incompetent at comprehending others lack even the competence to realize this. Thus things like gaslighting and blaming often times seem intentional when more commonly its merely a symptom of the larger problem. The only real way to deal with people who hurt you and think nothing of it is to excommunicate/cut all contact. Life often times isn't so easy however and thus we end up with trauma from these idiots as the speaker is pointing out.

Very wise and super helpful as I had never thought about this before x

That’s not really how you stop it. You stop it by having children and securely attaching with them and passing on a heritage of love, value, acceptance. Not having kids is still a fine choice if it’s what you need but it’s not the solution to trauma. Love is.

Me too.

​​@@itsamerrylife9128I would argue that love is not enough to stop the cycle of trauma. Love can be very sincere and very distorted. Some family's trauma is bad enough that it's going to take many decades of active healing to get to a place where they could raise children without seriously damaging them. It's important to respect that we don't know the situation someone is coming from. Some of the stuff out here is worse than most folks can even imagine. And love, beautiful and wonderful and important as it is, is not enough to heal that.

I commend your choice and action with not continuing the cycle. It's a damn strong choice, and a lot of people may not understand or respect it. But it is effective. I hope you're also able to get the support and healing you need in order to be at peace in yourself for your own peace and contented life.

​@@itsamerrylife9128 One needs to have secure attachment themselves so they can provide. Giving from a full cup

Exactly, they are comfortable with the pattern and they don't realize that there is a way to break out of it, they have to be retrained it's a new patterns. While they do that, EMDRtherapy is highly recommended.

Totally this is me :( …

​@@PugetwitchThey are programmed to create what they hate. They have controllers, reporters & managers programmed in them that identifies independent desire & blocks that to enact obedience to programming instead. Check out DID & alters & how abuse creates introjects that persist in the abused person. Same with mirror neurons...empathic people feel the thoughts/emotions/desires & think they are their own...so they get "robotized" (Judith Herman) which makes them a compliant, subjugated person.

That's not what he said at all.

​@@AnEsotericMindI hope people watch this for themselves. Smh.

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

Is he on instagram?

Yes he is. dr.sporessss

Jesus

Yes 100%

Yeah those mechanisms must be interacting, you get used to excessive vagus nerve activation that would cause most to fight or flight, and your model for home and what you understand is dangerous so safe places feel uncertain

100% true omg

@@muscularclassrepresentativ5663 agree, also just wanted to add stable csituations feel boring or under stimulating. We think we don’t want drama but unfortunately a lack of drama is perceived as a lack of fulfilling interaction.

Same!!!

Gosh I agree .. I found this man a few years ago And see myself in most videos . It’s so overwhelming

I feel the aame❤

Except the radar part. The person molesting usually is someone the child WANTS to go with, at least initially. We do a grave disservice to our children in painting molesters as monsters: not because they don't do monstrous harm, but because they charm children. They attract children. So, as a child, you learn not to trust you gut, because at first, your gut said, " this person pays attention to me. This person LIKES me". THAT is what messes with ones own intuition. It is a trick

Just discovered this and it absolutely destroyed me. “don't want my kids to make the bad choices I made" 😢 and the idea that my beautiful child can somehow be infected by my own childhood is heartbreaking . This neverending explanation loop in particular is driving me insane.

My current reality.

Amen

It’s one of the 4 types of personalities that come from trauma.

There is no god, wake up

​@@feboptopt haha you just wait buddy

You can't prove that@@feboptopt . Wake up yourself.

@@feboptoptwake up??? Maybe you should take your advice 🤣

@VictoriaVictoryable And so brings this phase of your healing journey! Blessings 🙏🏼💗🙏🏼

That last part is key . The vast majority of people only care to understand anything if they see a direct easily diagrammed benefit in it for themselves .

This is 🎯

I do this. It's exhausting.

and they probably don´t respect you and delute themselves they are better than you and that what they keep themselves busy with is better than all that what you are doing what do you even do all day why dont you go and do this or why not go and do that are you looking to go and do something like that - and it doesn´t even matter cause it´s never good it´s never just good

Exactly, they just look at you blankly

What if you have a feeling that person is playing games with you and it's not a normal slow response

all people are needy and we are in a dysfunctional system period

the us sociological structures are dysfunctional

​@@nadineelizabeth195this is what I'm wrestling with. My "best friend" has gradually distanced me and I'm so sick of it. But if I don't react positively, I'm the one with the problem. He'll ask how I am and then wait two weeks to reply. It takes away my peace so I've given up on trying to reach out and share anything.

​@@nadineelizabeth195 you are lying to yourself.

Hahahahahahahahah that is such an awesome observation

Purgatory, unfortunately, is a lie. Not in the bible.

@@infiniteshoeblackAbsolutely.

​@@infiniteshoeblackI beg to differ. Following Christ's path the best I can has led me here. Yes, religion and surrounding yourself with narcissistic behavior can make you feel uneasy, bring out your insecurities and toxicity, there are good people in churches though🤷🏼‍♂️. It was our divine Creator who saved me from my carnal mind, not a church or religion. A path from a teacher of love, compassion and desire to seek knowledge, healing and hard truths. If you truly seek with intent, through your heart, knock on that door, it will be opened. He loves you. Blessings and Love.

@@infiniteshoeblackTHANK YOU!

Yes I agree.

Yes, the missing piece is the human nature. One just can't be caught off guard.

💯

I have to say I feel this to my bones and have experienced the difference culturally with how we see things in the United States as opposed to other countries. For instance, Europeans do not feel the need to have a contest over who works more hours in a week they take long lunch breaks that actually are dinner breaks and they take a nap after they have a huge meal. They know how to relax they value family time they value each other. Our country is so wrapped up and who’s got a bigger butt, prettier face more Botox, better products to make your skin not age how much money is spent on shoes clothes cars we are materialistic and we are selfish. Our government encourages us to do this. They also encourage dependency. We are not a democracy. We are shit show and I’m to the point where I’m going to start looking for housing and a lifestyle that does not include this crap anymore.

I definitely think this too! It's the same for autistic people, a bully magnet.

it's a tough journey...❤

Monogamy is misogyny.

My mother always said I was an accident. I found out a few years ago, it wasn't true.

@@jedahn I am sorry to hear that she would say that to make you feel that way. They have no idea that what comes out of their mouth is a sword to the heart.

In traditional communities, women gather daily in their day while working - discussing their lives, children, relationships, ideas, goals etc. They have support parenting, elders, and can sing and weave strength, culture and stories into their communities. We need to re create this gathering times and it can be big work.

So true I was pleaser as well, but now I'll love and do for others but with no expectations. And I keep those boundaries in check for the hard core takers.

BITE MODELS are excellent tools for survival

💗🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

❤

Yes there is a way back. Go deep inside and ask the way.

How do you get inside?

I feel your pain and going through a similar experience by the sounds of it. Don’t loose hope. There IS a way. And you are NOT your mother. You deserve to be happy and find healing. Until we die it’s never too late. To acknowledge, to recognise, and to find ways to heal from trauma. Im trying. Peace and blessings

Keep looking. Things will open up. Different things work for different people at different times… silent sitting aka meditation can bring much insight, ‘the work’ by Byron Katie is a handy tool…

There is power in forgiveness. Apologize to your children (when they're adults and out of the house)

Knowing is an important part of healing. It's good you feel your anger. What's underneath?

me too, my mom truly evil to me

I heard you 💕 no love 🙏 no support

Yeah I feel the same at times, even now. What’s almost worse is when you come to the realization that they withheld what you needed because they simply did not have it to give usually because they never had their needs met. Exactly like he discusses at around 19:30❤ Edit: fixing time stamp

Same here but the only thing that has helped is my relationship with God. He’s my counselor my friend my savior my Father. He’s the one that is always there for me! Trustworthy Honest and Forgiving.

Your a therapist and your borrowing things from a KZfaq video that makes me unsure of therapist. I’m taking your name down I’m going to avoid you at all costs. lol, just saying that if you got more out of this one video out of all the training you spent over the years that’s very scary to hear about therapists. That’s why people are turning to online therapy for free. You guys are going to be out of business. I’m glad you admitted this. Thank you so much for your honesty.

To be fair... it takes time for the newer studies to be taken into consideration, added to the DSM and then also added to school curriculum. I'm not a therapist and I'm not actually fond of therapy myself due to my various repeated unsatisfactory experiences over the course of the past 10 years. But I think I would've rather had my plethora of therapists more informed beyond their typical education. I think I would have fared well and I wouldn't be so jaded by the thought of therapy. ​@vance641 like... I hear what you're saying, but I respectfully feel like you're mad at the wrong thing

You may also like then John Bradshaw from 80's and 90's. Keen understanding, insight on family systems. Able to articulate so people were helped. Dense reading. Compassionate man to the end of his life.

I think this "look for the healthy people" idea is going to get people stuck. Healthy people are only looking for healthy people, they maintain boundaries and don't get involved with unhealthy people. We also don't have a great internal compass for what healthy looks like. How can we look for it? We can, however, model ourselves after people who share their stories and wisdom publicly. We can find guidance. We can go through the process of healing with our sick friends.

Yes you do need to get healthy first and part of that journey is noticing when you are being drawn to unhealthy people. Another part of the journey is being with people who are in recovery. I was in al-anon for a while and that really helped. You could say they weren't healthy either but at least they knew it and could see the red flags. Finally if and when you find healthy people be aware that you won't feel right being with them. They may seem boring or maybe intrusive. Try to take a step back. Try to look at that person objectively and decide maybe this person is good for me. Maybe boring is actually lack of drama, maybe intrusive is actually desiring closeness and authenticity. It's tough and it takes work. You can get there, the longest journey starts with the first step.

It is difficult. I have come to realize that I made unhealthy relationships all my life, but over the decades my friendships have become less and less neurotic. Now at 46 I refuse to make any unhealthy new friendships. The one big problem with this is that I am absolutely terrified of normal, healthy and boundaried people , their rules of behaviour do not feel like “home”. But I’m sticking with it anyway for once in my life, I’m dealing with it by having fairly superficial friendships with healthy people, and hope that my courage will increase over time to become closer. It’s a problem because to open up and be more authentic and truthful about my family “baggage”, I fear “normal” people will do a runner.

I liken it to a dance... our messed up parents teach us how to dance in the world... and we seek partners (they US) who also know the dance we learned... until you're willing and able to "dance to another tune" we're trapped in a cycle of _Evil Tango!_ We may be outstanding dancers at this Tango, even... but, we can learn to dance the Fox Trot, too! Even IF that's much more boring on the surface. Or opt for a Viennese Waltz! But, IDK what I'm saying... I'm all alone at nearly 54... and never have any intention (after the most recent re-traumatization) to marry or get involved intimately ever again. Dancing is overrated.

This speaker is amazing.

Amen! Same here! I love all the detail and how real he is.

Almost as if teaching us to heal the nervous system in a reasonable and practical and empathic way, instead of damning our human psyches right and left would put them outa business! No more clients. I also avoid videos like this for the same reason

@@enneaf1676 I have found pets to be hugely healing. There are also substances and procedures that hack the nervous system. Look into the SGB procedure. If you live in the northeast, there is an ongoing study where you can get the treatment for free. Psychedelics like ketamine and mdma are also very promising.

@@enneaf1676 look into Dr. Lipov. He invented a procedure called SGB that mutes the fight and flight system in the brain. The FDA also legalized ketamine and is on the brink of legalizing other psychedelics.

Just because you personally are past the discovery phase of your healing journey, doesn’t mean everyone else is. If it’s not for you, good. But if someone is just starting out, why do you suppose they need your negativity in the comments section? Just unsubscribe and scroll on by to things that fit you now. You’re not the main character in other people’s lives.

@@shewho333 im not trying to be the main character. I prefaced the comment by saying " my healing journey". At first, these videos did help me to a degree because they validated that I was on the receiving end of alot of abuse. However, I'm trying to make the point that these therapists don't always have your best interests in mind. The narrative that we are damaged permanently is not a healing one. If anything, it makes you entrapped in the trauma. There are healing therapies that decompress the nervous system enough that you begin to have a different view of the world and of people. If you stay in the narrative of "they abused me, now all I can do is manage my defective brain and nervous system". That is a never ending, self fulfilling prophecy which does not save you in the end. It's the same self sealing system that cult leaders use to entrap their victims. If you can convince someone that they are defective, and keep repeating that, you can get people to listen to you without any objections, instead of giving them the tools to find their own personal joy and euphoria, their euphoria and accomplishment comes from following an asinine therapy model where no matter what they do, they feel the same. You keep learning helplessness if you spend too much time analyzing the source of the Trauma without healing the nervous system shut down that is causing your ptsd symptoms. I have found for myself that words do not heal the physiological roots of trauma. It's like trying to talk away a broken leg.

My gosh this is so honest and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. I feel the exact same way about this channel. Deepest gratitude

@yiqu6854 Agreed!

@yiqu6854 Agreed! Grateful to @TimFletcher

Agree Tim is a huge blessing. I know God sent me here and Tim is fulfilling his purpose. Thank you so much!

No human lives a perfect normal life.

Jesus died to purchase healing for us. Go to Him for love, validation and healing.

Amen

Indeed

Unbelievable! That you so nonchalantly talk about trauma and harm you caused. You should be reported to the authorities.

@@PraiseOnMyLips I don't read the message as being nonchalant at all. They are saying it's their first and last thought of every day... and they are here, doing the work now, to heal. I'm not sure there's any more we can ask from ourselves or others, than that. Is there something else that you feel is missing?

I hope you tell her, and keep telling her and show her by your actions. I am 50 and words from my father like that could help me heal. It’s exhausting (feels impossible really) to heal by yourself. I could forgive him much more deeply if I heard that from him, if he saw the pain his actions, or inactions caused. Your admitting your downfalls gives hope. May you keep moving forward.❤

I'm so sorry to hear that. I feel the same. Like there's no winning to this. You try and try and try, but things are the same. My heart goes out to you. I've always believed that if you keep moving, you'll get there, eventually. Dunno if this applies to this. But we're given a difficult situation. Either fight or wither away. I hope you get there, truly.

I think the antidote to feeling hopeless is to go and volunteer, do for others without any expectations. Love people, love yourself, most importantly Love Jesus and what He did for us, there's peace and contentment with Him.Only He fills the empty void, since we're all messed up to some degree. Prayers

I'm almost 70, thankfully, so I won't get getting close to anyone. I had a husband and kids and now grandkids. So I don't want to date since my husband passed about 5 years ago. Happily single, happily not getting close to anyone! I actually like it.

Hated though it may be, misery and uncertainty serve as a comfort blanket against the terrifying unknown. Maybe its like easing one's way into the cold sea, one step at a time, waiting to get accumstomed before taking additional steps.

@@samnangthim6949 That's a very positive way of looking at it. Thank you for that :)

Balanced is exactly the word. Talking about the behaviors and people's responses without judgment for anyone involved.

Not sure how you’re doing today, but I wanted you to know that I read this and my heart broke for you. I am currently praying for you. I believe that God alone can fill your heart and heal you. I’m also being healed by God. I pray that you immediately feel God’s safe protective presence. The best is yet to come!

❤

God gives his toughest battle to his toughest soldiers. Wether or not your a believer, you're tough, no one can deny you that. Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel felt reading this. where I come from, people are too privileged to know such struggles. So people like us don't make sense to them. Wherever you are, much respect and support to you.

😢😢❤

, thank you for your kindness, your words made me cry ​@@LadyEh

That's why, never have relationship before healing the trauma It's his fault then if he hurt other people because of his trauma

Precisely

It’s really common sense if you have been in an unhealthy family environment.

@@TeaRose9no it’s not common sense, that’s why we need therapy.

He is already explaining what is in any psychological book

C trauma happens in layers during development. By 21 you are quite developed. What you describe would be more like ptsd. People w healthy childhoods dont end up in abusive relationships and they dont stay in them. My guess is youve experienced emotional and psychological abuse and you cant see it yet or arent allowed to admit to yourself. C trauma is def childhood related. Ptsd is not.

I mean this in the utmost sincere way.....how does this happen? You grow up in a loving 2 parent homes, end up in an abusive relationship? Like if that was never modeled how exactly does that work? I'm curious.....I grew up with a narcissistic mother, so my trauma bonds make sense. Is this a self-esteem thing? I am genuinely interested in how healthy homes can yield these types of results?

You probably nevrr expectedto be abused so became a vulnerable target. Especially if you were trusting. Anyone can be victimised, anyone can be abused, context and being a in an alien context doesnt help....

@@tizzlekizzle Im sorry but that is not the case with me. Abuse doesn’t happen immediately. I was 3 years into a five year relationship before the abuse started. I did not find out for several years later why the sudden change in him. He was my first love, first sexual relationship, etc. I hid the abuse from everyone most importantly my parents. and it’s very possible to have PTSD from long-term domestic abuse. It doesn’t have to be from childhood as I said, I have had three of my most significant relationships were all physically abusive starting at age 21 until 45. And because it is ongoing, long term trauma and the nature of my symptoms, I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD. In fact, I present as ADHD but I did not have these symptoms as a child. It makes no difference if it started when I was an adult. I’m sorry but I did have a healthy childhood and I did end up in abusive relationships. There are two ways to get Complex PTSD. One is childhood trauma. The other is domestic abuse. While CPTSD is often associated with chronic trauma in childhood, adults who experience chronic trauma can also develop the condition.

@@tizzlekizzle What causes CPTSD? According to the ICD-11, complex PTSD results from exposure to a traumatic event or series of events of an extremely threatening nature. The events are usually prolonged or repetitive and escape from the situation is impossible or dangerous. Examples of these types of traumatic situations include: • Prolonged domestic violence. • Childhood sexual or physical abuse. • Torture. • Genocide.

I can relate, it’s like we lived the same story lol

U described me there 😢😭

Thank you for your comment. If you want, a good place to start is the Healthy Tools series which goes through the 12 Basic Needs. Recovery is long and hard - a lifetime of work. But very well worth it - for yourself and your loved ones. Don't forget to look back to see how far you've come to this point. Wishing you much strength as you continue on.

i feel your pain. im 63 had a massive mental breakdown 5 months ago.3x sexual assault ptsd, suicidal etc. lost my 33 year disfunctional marriage, my fault mainly. took a 120 g dose of mdma ,not extacy. game changer instantly. in a way better state. not perfect but manageable and workable. find it on the internet and get it tested before use. it gives you a hole new perspective on yourself and life. if i didnt try it i would be dead.give it a shot, you will appreciate it. i think your gov. is just starting to allow it for treatment. sometimes its too hard to qualify to get in and jump through the hoops so do it yourself. just relaxe and let it happen and go with it. you will never be as free without it. best thing i have ever done for myself. ask me more if you want. from canada

It's not your fault. Thank God the information is coming out about trauma and its effects. I am 66 and, like you, I wish I had known about generational trauma a long time ago. At least now I know what happened in my own life. I didn't raise children so I didn't pass my trauma on. Unfortunately my brother has had children and I am afraid that he might have verbally abused them. 😢

It really is

I'd say it depends on what would you see as love. It might differ from a person to a person..

it might be useful to know that you are responsible as well, there are therapists and episodes where they discuss the enabling parent

what was your part apart from blaming?

@@AA-iy4gm are all parents enablers? I was not the addict parent, but one part I did wrong was to marry an addict. During the time that my two youngest teenage children became addicts I tried to help them but I absolutely did not know how to help them. I had them in therapy but I didn’t know how to correctly help them at that time. They’re adults now and I’m still trying to learn what I can do to help, which is the reason I’m following this KZfaq channel and learning as much as possible. I know that I have made mistakes with them. I was saying that they were taught to be addicts by their addiction father.

It's not your fault. It's very, very hard for safe parents to fight both genetics and trauma. Don't let anyone blame you for something you didn't do.

victim blame much guys?

I’m in this situation right now. But my eyes are wide open.

@@shewho333 i said that so many times. Im so sick of being wrong. I literally give up. There's just no way to know. And by the time I find out, the damage is already done. I just can't with that shit, anymore.

@@yuriination yep, a lot of women esp with CPTSD we have this. Even women without this have us and if we talk about it sometimes we still get blamed by men.

Hey a thrower! High five, sister! I'm feeling like breaking things for the past 2 months. But I keep thinking. Autumn can only last so long. Or maybe I've already hit winter. Anyways spring is on the way, and so I'll be blooming again. At least with optimism, I get to live the relief twice. XXX

Yes, it's very important to not become obsessed with one's trauma - I've learned this through experience. An important phase of healing is moving on toward constructive modes of daily living.

Thank you for doing that. I wish more people would consider this. Ruminated on this with my own parents as well in years of suicidal depression like why did you do this? Child-rearing is so selfish tbh

Totally get your decision, both me and my husband suffered all sorts of abandonment and trauma from our upbringing. We never felt rounded or supported enough to start a family, knew we just didn't have the tools to cope with children, I'm sad now I'm in my late fifty's but know it was the right decision!

@@DoctorDarlingTTV well, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have children. You just have to make sure that you have room for them mentally, emotionally, & physically. My partner & I struggle would with that. We are emotionally available enough for a child, but our lack of energy mentally & physically would just get in the way too much for that to be the best option for us or a child. We would be good parents, but wouldn’t be able to be good parents & good partners & that would eventually hurt our kid. So we decided against it

@@glendawoodcock4994 it’s completely understandable. Children are a wonderful thing. Honestly, few things made me happier, but it’s a 24/7 job. & it’s a hard one. I’m glad that you made the right decision for you & I hope that you’re very happy despite not having kids I’m terribly sorry about your suicidal depression. My girlfriend & I have both struggled with it. I encourage you to try your best to heal & be happy. & if someday you want a child & you have the room in your life for them, meaning that you can do things like help them cope for their big feeling every time they need it then, I recommend at least considering it. We all fear being unhealthy like our parents, but it is very possible not to be an unhealthy person even if you have mental health struggles. But I’m certainly not trying to pressure you into it

@@glendawoodcock4994 I’m really proud of you for putting the needs of a child before your wants of having one. I really hope that you & your husband are happy despite it

And that s just why You think, Trump is a good person! That s exactly the same thing! You have been falling for the same pattern again. I wish You the best recovery!

And that formerly created trauma is just the reason, that makes You think, Trump is a good person! Can You See it? For You, a sociopath is a normal expirience.....I wish You a good recovery and God bless!!!❤

@@MinkaSchlossberger4ever Care to explain how Trump is a bad person outside of just calling him a racist because CNN told you so?

Stop the booze. Just decide and do it. I can relate to your story. ❤

What the discourse ignores. A few people can figure out out for themselves.