I told mine, I don't entertain distortion. I ask you to leave if you start. He was like implying I'm leaving when you start. I repeat and told him it's distortion and I'm not entertain it.

So true.

I can vouch for that especially because the ex-husband narcissist in my life is a cop.

Yes this has been my life growing up unfortunately

@@helenemohlin4261 what is distortion?

^wisdom for the ages

That is brilliant 😃

I'm learning that more and more.

Excellent way of putting it!

One I'm going to copy. Thanks for sharing.

Yep! You get it.

Absolutely I noticed this too, when my boyfriend was staying out all night long and then would accuse me of being disrespectful and disloyal calling me “slut” ect ect. I Said all you’re doing Is telling on yourself seen as I was home and you were out all night I was not in any position to have an opportunity to be any of those things yet you were! lol he hates that I have the ability to see thru his bs. and then he can’t put himself in other people’s shoes he can’t relate he can literally call me a derogatory name and I will repeat his own words and he reacts as of I’M CALLING him the names and just can’t believe it! It is ridiculous! So therefore Anything he tells me I’m doing I know he is. Because he can’t see anything from any other perspective but his own and if he’s thinking it or doing it well everyone must do the same! It’s utter insanity and the rage that manifests when I call out his lies and manipulative behavior he LOSES IT! and it’s beginning to get physical and I know it’s not going to get better it’s only escalating but being disabled and not having anywhere to go and he won’t leave cuz he’s got a free ride there’s very little hope for Me to escape this relationship from hell

@@cjhortonvalliere3285 maybe contact law enforcement and other agencies committed to protecting women from abuse by their significant other.

@@cjhortonvalliere3285there’s always a way out !!!! Speak even to police if you must ! These people are dangerous and if he’s getting physical then you MUST leave please 🙏🏼

yes yes yes

Yes ! They will lie and smear you to others ! Also, legal action must be taken when lies are written on police reports!

They will do the smear/spread campaign and tell those you are the problem using a nasty word

@@user-zh5fh2li9u Will I need an attorney for the legal action?

How can u tell if theyre doing this? Im jus stuck in a loop wonderin if im the peice of shit narcissistic cunt or if they are, its not fun

They will never admit to them being the problem. Think of a person on a pedestal. That is them.What they do think or say will always be RIGHT in their mind. Nobody else will be.

thanks 😊

(Just like them)

My dads wife and assistant ( fantasy girlfriend) yes I said that… are both narcissists trying to alienate me from my dad. He knows how they are but I’m starting to think he likes it😂 he tries to lump me in with “all these women fighting over him” 😂 Gross He’s very I’ll but I can’t be around these horrible women. Sorry Dad I’m starting to think you might be mentally ill and are not a good parent either. They can have him and “The Will”. I am healthy happy and financially secure … just another reason they are intimidated by me. Have fun with your women Dad 😂

I agree with all of this and had experienced it within the marriage with my ex, who was a classic narc.

Job well done for my Narc he's passed all 7 with flying colors. 😢

That's how it works.

Its so ironic how that equation works for them. Blows my mind….

@saucejones exactly! And now they're dating the girl they told me not to worry about. The "just a friend" they post about her like she's everything all while still posting songs I dedicated to them haha a mockery. Crazy how narcissist will still attempt to indirectly play at your strings.

I had never even heard the word until my ex who turned out to be a narc told me that her previous ex was one. That's actually what made me research narcissism and realize that she was the narc. They're projection is insane.

Definitely felt that!

❤

Love this ❤

Same!

Narcissm runs in my family as well

cheers to you carol I did exactly the same thing

Always, and overthink things

@@impossiblegems could you please do a favor for a random guy on KZfaq? Could you please give me a few other examples of what a narcissist does in relationships? I’m trying to figure out if my partner has narcissistic tendencies. Id really appreciate it. If not, that’s okay. If so, thanks in advanced.

Yes I get that all the time

@@lolasmith1585 Me too

They are the least sensitive people in the world. I was told my feelings are just excuses.

EXACTLY

@@user-pg8uh5kt3q yes! Broken people who look to bring others down to their level.

Yes they are energy vampires

Preach!

Careful with your Light IF you are required to share space/time with the parasite. Listen, smile, keep conversations brief and neutral.

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

4) Get away and STAY AWAY

Yes and number 3 is hardest as I hate misunderstandings and have to see what Dr. C said as they meant to misunderstand you or never cared to understand you. It is hard because I hate it when people can't seek solutions and feel like part of me just can't admit they have problems and I am safer away from family members I love. The other hard part is giving up. I was taught like many Americans of my generation that perseverance is important and valuable. It is hard to fight that trait and that trait is what often drew NPDs to me I think. They saw it as lots of supply but to me it is just a part of my DNA almost and I have learned to be more cautious thanks to Dr. C

Good statement, thank you

Thanks for this, this channel truly sets people Free from bondage

@@smac1823 💯

💯💯💯💯💯 true...

Yes girl I can agree I promise I can they are the worst people in the world

So well said.

So so true. They plot and plot..and plot some more. 🙏🪷

Amen

I certainly don’t!

@Scott's Precious Little Account That lack of empathy is narcissistic not that you are a narcissist but just self involved. It’s ok to not understand others but not caring shows lack of empathy. Carelessness is allow a trait of NPD.

OMG. That phrase is a game changer!

Absolutely

They play dumb and pretend they don't understand you. So you can over compensate and wear you down to find out how to manipulate you and control you. With a smile to your face and hate you in your back. It took me many years to find out the pattern how I got so broken down. I dicifered the narc code. And belive me IT is Insanely cruel and calculated destruction of your being just out of no reason at all. Just pure evil with VERY BIG AROGANT EGOS

My ex told me he studied me. He said what bothered him was no matter what I was one step ahead of him. God was with me and still is.

Yep!!!

:(

Yes! It sucks. I’m getting to the point where I can finally feel solid in myself again. I’m creating things I haven’t in years. I hope everyone in this comment section heals❤️❤️

@@carmenishere yes so am i .. moving on from toxic people trying to improve every day

I was taught this too...or rather I somehow picked it up as I went along in childhood. My feelings count and so do yours. 🙏🪷

Yes! And you try to ignore them but oh my God they just keep going on and on it’s so hard and then when you finally explode, you’re the “difficult one” 🙄

Yes !!

So true.

Yes I definitely have the same problems as you have written about boy isn’t it hard work it’s ! It’s all a waist of time and energy they suck the joy out of everything , and love to ruin birthdays Christmas anniversary’s 25 years and nothing for our anniversary ?

This happened to me on a daily basis. I was loosing my mind.

It's crazy!!!

It's the same kind of relief as when you get away from a hornet's nest that has been swat.

So glad you got away ❤

GREAT JOB.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you move to a different house or buy a different car because those things remind you of the settings where the abuse occurred? I am considering putting mine on the market.

@@tiffanykennedy788 No, because all those things I already had before the relationship, he was only a guest in my life. He used to complain about how shitty and ugly my car was all the time, but now I embrace it, I really love it. I do have a new apartment which he had never set his foot in. If you own a home, and need to get out of there because it’s too painful, maybe you can rent a place and at the same time rent out your home? You should never have to make losses because of a bad person who did those things to you.

Amen

This. 👏👏👏

Exactly...they love to create confusion!

Absolutely 💯

Omg, yes!

I literally get physically ill in my gut when I know I have to ask why...I know it's going to never be an adult, straight forward answer...It s going to be a lie, a deflection or word salad.......

You speak for many. Dr. C

I am so happy for you that you got away and found true love. I've been with mine for 17 years and I'm trying to leave but its so expensive. Some days I worry I'll never make it out. And that I'll never know true love. But you've given me a little hope. 🙏🏻

You gave me hope too.

Sheryl been over 30 odd years of marriage for me and nearly 4 years separated hopefully will meet the man of my dreams and travel buddy one day just like yourself. Wishing you peace and happiness you deserve. 🙏

Sheryl Bracht, how did you trust yourself to not repeat the same relationship? I was 18.5 years married 2 years separated/divorce & now 1.5 years divorced. Healing is happening but I have fear.

That's because the devil never had an original thought or idea of his own and has limited game. His bag of tricks is not a bottomless one.

Omg yes

They're soul sucking parasites!

That's exactly what they do, you are so correct

Agree. Other people and interest can be an oasis. I became someone I didn’t like. I became negative, anxious, angry, and felt better alone. I wish I had educated myself on Narcissism earlier but it’s not too late to heal.

Great movie!

@@shelleynamdar7103 I love it! So underrated.

So you are a narcissist?

this has happened to me the relatives sidelined me for being '' different '' the only mentally healthy people on my mom's side of the family mom and one uncle the rest are gossipy narcs that lie about people that are not narcs i would rather be alone than around narc relatives

This. This. This. You are not alone

Yes. They think the "good things" they do make up for, trump, and overtake anything bad they do.

This was my parents and my ex husband!!!👍👍👍 they dont look at their bad behavior only your reaction!!!!

So very true, my mother would do the same when I would talk with her bout important things, completely check out while I was speaking. It felt like I was talking to a wall! I started getting frustrated at all the times I tried to communicate with her, she turned into a wall. I started behaving narcissistic myself towards, her by demanding , her to respond. They are very dark souls, and the fact that someone could take a seriously important conversation, and gaslight the person through there darkness. Completely defeats me into working together with her. Anyways I sympathize with your suffering. It’s hard! But I’ve chosen to seek Gods wisdom in battles with these souls that I believe are trapped by demons. So I’m going to pray spiritual warfare over them. God bless❤️

@@candywilkins386 so true, to continue what I wrote, my mother would gaslight me until I would react in an anxiety attack, then she would say she ways afraid of me? 🤔 because I would start to cry and talk louder to voice my frustration towards her, but she found a way to turn a frustrated person into her smelling like a peach and me like the opposite. 🤨 It’s like how a cat plays with the mouse 🐭 When the mouse stops reacting, the cat will pat the mouse again to make it react again. I’m slowly learning to stop caring and working with someone who even though is my family, I’m needing to keep a separate relationship between us. God bless❤️

They tend to do that. I know because I’m a survivor of a narcissistic mother and she projected so much onto me.

@@Brio9 thanks for sharing.

Totally relate to this, with their phony act they put on before others.....

Especially as a man. No support out there.

As I man,you have to help yourself! You have to treat a narcissist like a vampire......

Ugh, we understand you! Don't by into their gaslighting!

I've been living for 50 years, I'm not about to let a hurt lil evil girl mess up my head. ACTIONS!!! That's what we all must do! The narcissist are doing an evil act to destroy your life!!!!! What are you going to do? Treat them like a bully......but worst!

Huge FACTS !

hahahaha boy did you nail that one! exactly!

Oh yes that's basic. 💯

U have nailed it

I'm going through this right now!!!!!!

100%! Or the “you just want me all to yourself” and “you never want me to have any friends”, when they literally talking to their friends 24/7 and hang out as much as possible. 🙄

They say all those things about me. They expect me to support their crabs, their mess practices , their insecurities and their discomforts about life as a whole, their fear of the unknown. They hate my independence, my strength and my strong will. They hate everything about me. THEY HATE ME FOR BEING THE CHOSEN ONE. I am , the true child of the Living God and not a fake. They hate my authenticity, for being truthful.

I agree! Yes! I sought a psychologist for help because my ex wouldn't work on our relationship. They tried to diagnose me with a personality disorder in the first session. I was protecting my ex and not disclosing the physical and psychological abuse. It took me so much time to unravel the gaslighting and cohesive control. My ex is definitely a covert narc.

I went to a marriage counselor at calvary of Albuquerque and it really was useless. The narcissists can easily manipulate a counselor that's not a professional.

@@Raven.13 The narc makes you feel like you should protect them, be loyal, even in the psychologist's office! If you can't be honest with a psychologist, they may realize something is 'off', but they won't be able to figure out what's going on ....

👍

95% of psychologists are covert narcs. Exceptions are hard to find…

Absolutely describes my ex. What a nightmare!

​@@Endtimescounterchurch..there are so many of them. They hate peace and quiet.

Sick and twisted, they can live with the misery of never being their authentic self.

They project what was done to them onto others. Like a vampire bites others.

Yeah they feed off pain.

Watch one of my older videos, Your Ultimate Superpower With Narcissists. It's all about self trust. Time for a paradigm shift!

@lschrandt Doubting your own opinions and intelligence...isn't that painful? Especially after the narcissist gives you the silent treatment, looking down their long nose with shame and dissatisfaction, just as they careen their head up towards the heavens with their self-assured, superior judgement. In watching many of these videos with Doctor C, I have concluded that the only proper response is no response, mind blowing and frustrating as it is. Why can't two grown men in their 50s agree to disagree about something? Because one of them needs to feel superior, is still extremely broken, and ultimately resents someone like me who has the audacity to assert themselves and perhaps think outside of the narcissist's little paradigm. I can 100% "to each their own", but still have my own convictions and opinions. He couldn't. His pollyanna couldn't handle my matter-of-fact. Be careful showing too much of your intelligence around the narcissist. Their "control and contain" work ethic latches on like a steel jawed trap. And then they dismiss you! Of all things!

I know that one. Funny enough i myself told my sister she was a narc because she actually is one! But i am sure she iwill turn it around and say to everyone that i am the narc and i was just projecting onto her. She ghosted me anyway after I called her out on her poor behaviour, so not even sure she looked at that email of mine. Doesnt matter. i put it out there into the universe and i know the truth. They do make you go crazy thinking that you are the problem. I have gone no contact with her (and the brother and mother both narcs as well)

Me too

🤗

I know! Same here. And then they repeat it so often. I recently called out the covert sister but of course she now tells everyone that I am the narc and was just projecting onto her! I have had years of therapy: clue: none of the 4 family members who are narcs have! both parents and both siblings are horrid, very intelligent but the father and brother sadistic traits whilst telling me I am mean and calling me god-awful names. Trouble is the older the brother got, the more underhand and manipulative he was, it all went more covert so everyone thought I should be more 'forgiving' because he had 'changed'. Worst mistake ever to believe in that. A narc is a narc is a narc. They are not just mean on Tuesday and Wednesday. They are mean all week all day long, just manage to hide it better. And I am good now that I have gone no contact with them all. That is the best evidence. if you can live peacefully with others, give and receive love when you are away from these chaotic people, then you are good.

I'm struggling with this thought now. My therapist tells me I'm not either.

Spot On! My 33 & 35 year olds have been playing my buttons until I started developing boundaries several years back. The blow ups at me escalated to the point I finally calmy put my foot down and now they want nothing to do with me. I really had rose colored glasses on with my children’s ill behavior but, only towards me. I didn’t like who they had become(behavior) towards others, and although , they seemed angry at me all the time, at least they were in my life. So, I tried to be an exceptional role model with good character traits well, that didn’t work. I’m at the end of putting all the puzzle pieces together. I suddenly concluded, I walked on eggshells all those years out of guilt ( leaving there dad I’d met in high school over 30 years ago, he was extremely abusive) I wish I would have set better boundaries years ago had I known what I do today. I found out he never stopped bad mouthing me , even to my own family and high school friends. I was recently made aware of that! Moreover, , after the last 10 years of healing I clearly recognized my angry, dismissive mother whom never touched or told me she loved me had a tremendous effect on how I treated myself. I understand now why I tolerated such bad behavior from so many, as an adult. Anyhow, in some strange way I feel like I’m finally free from some nightmare, and I can finally live my life in peace at almost 60! 🙌 Blessings on your journey 🙏

@@bodymindsoul60 Better late than never to start your healing process and unplugging from toxicity. Blessings to you aswell🤝🏻

@@observationsincars5083 Amen, ty🙏

@@bodymindsoul60 thank you for sharing your story!

Yeah it almost funny when you won’t play their games I tell him I’m going to play your sick games now he won’t help me with anything I won’t to do because that what your for supply to take all the blame !

His insult means you don't fit into his paradigm, which is actually a compliment.

You bet! @@SurvivingNarcissism

He meant, "Do you know how difficult you are to control?" 😆

The kicker needs to be bitten!

One of the symptoms is feeling sorry for them until realizing they're getting over and using.

Anyone telling you that they are hurt little children and don't, realize what they are doing is full of crap. They are not hurt little children,they are fully grown manipulative,lying adults who know full well what they are doing.Positive the phrase "Hurting people hurt people" was coined by a Narcissist in an attempt to minimize the damage they cause.

We apparently deserve their maltreatment for breathing.

@@kimberlyrea3462 Don't let them read this because apparently they don't know what mercy is or sarcasm. They have no emotion.

If he will not seek counseling and continues to psychologically abuse you, perhaps it is time to leave.

Yep. Nothing is ever good enough

I wouldn’t say that means you’re not the problem. You have to ask yourself why you have been vulnerable to them in the first place

@@subg8858 then you disagree with the author of the video, while I think he is right in my case.

I actually went to a psychologist for help, the sad thing is that I was trying to discuss my reactions to my ex without disclosing the psychological and physical abuse, I was always protecting him. He would never do counselling with me. So I took myself to get help. In the first session the psychologist took out her DSM and flicked through the pages to suggest diagnoses. She was going to diagnose me with BPD. That's how scary this shit it. Now that I have left and unraveled the gaslighting and cohesive control I see how I was made to look and feel like the problem. I'm scared he will use that against me. I took out an AVO to keep him away from me, best thing I ever did. Apart from the trauma left behind as I recall events I feel sane and normal, I have no disorder I hold none of those traits with ANYONE in my life. RUN as fast as you can.

Right there with you😞

@@marlomirre161 I'm so sorry you're going through this, too! Stay strong. We deserve much better than this. We matter, and we have places like this channel where we can begin healing 🖤

I'm going through the exact same thing..I've lost count how many times he's thrown divorce in my face to put me in my place.

You hit the nail straight on the head! They really don’t want to understand…Perfect

They cant understand, cognitive dissonance

@@sandraaustin2120 maybe that too but I think Dr. C meant that they don't have understanding as a goal in general because it doesn't suit their needs so why waste time or bother if they can't see an up side. They care about how to use info to get them supply so they control and manage the info in such a way they misunderstand on purpose, like Devil's advocate or choose to not communicate as a mechanism to keep them from accountability. That's they way I took Dr. Cs comment. But you are right that they have a lot of cognitive dissonance and that too is like a built in defense mechanism of denial and projection, etc...the higher functioning Machiavellian ones totally understand but choose not too because they enjoy the chaos it creates. The HG Tudor types can But choose not to because it is too much fun to pass up. Like a crisis needs to be exploited by a Political narcissist, a conversation needs to be exploited by a dark triad narc. Thanks for your point. Most probably just can't, like you said.

That are bad listener!

Yes, it’s just like in a toxic family. They are incapable of understanding who we are, they don’t see us as individuals or our own persons, because they can only see us as a “roll” that they put us in to serve them. They will ONLY love you when it benefits them, and if your not giving them what they want then they will blame you and make you out to be the wrong one, as if you have to “earn” their love. Remember that you deserve to be loved unconditionally, NOT transactionally

You're onto it!

A classic.

Yes. Same here.

I’ve experienced that too.

Spot On!

Which is true ?

I completely agree. The narcissist I experienced was very very abusive...she enjoyed it and she got so much pleasure from it. I would say her behaviour was deranged and deluded.

Yes ! I agree ! You are left scratching your head like and stating to yourself, "What is going on here ?!?"...Right ?!? I totally understand....

Yep. Yep yep. Except with a whole community :,) nearly drove me out of the city

Happened to me too. For some reason everyone always believes their lies even though they know me personally. I don’t get it and it’s very hurtful.

@@unicornus33 I agree ! Then, you have to get to the SOURCE, the individual(s) who made the sadistic choice to spread the horrible lies, because they wanted to isolate, triangulate, degrade, and inflict more pain, probably out of malignant jealousy. Next, depending on who is involved, then perhaps calling them out on it, or not (it depends) may be in order. Last, once you catch wind of this, you can begin working to set yourself free. It is bad enough when the outside (society) smears you, but when it comes from a family member, or multiple members, that is despicable ! Please stay strong and know you are NOT alone...keep fighting ! Remember ..that you may be interacting with VERY emotionally disturbed (ASPD/Dark Triad) individual(s), who may be the type to "KICK A DOG WHILE THEY ARE DOWN"..and want your demise ! It is very sick...indeed !

@@jengable4888 thank you for the encouragement. And yes it is a sad day when you realize your family members are literally your enemies and want bad things for you.

I always despised the term “team player”. Immediate turn off for me. Implies u need to be a mindless follower with no independent thought.

I had a narcissistic manager who postponed our weekly status meetings at the last minute every week for 6 months so he could blindside me with a negative performance review. I played super dumb, pretending not to understand all the innuendoes and corporate euphemisms. I actually laughed in his face when he said I had attempted to “create a rift” in the team, because he had actually succeeded in causing a rift during that performance review period. It was fun watching him escalate the insults because I wasn’t visibly suffering as he hoped. Finally we ran out of time. Corporate jobs suck.

Exactly 💯 %

for years i made the mistake of thinking female centred workplaces would be preferable, more kinder to building sites or workshops full of grunting males, boy was i wrong lol. .

@@NOT_SURE.. Is your screen name a reference to the movie Idiocracy? Great movie!

Exactly, some people do everything and more to make you feel miserable.

Narcissists can't stand being irrelevant!

i do. if someone else seeks to snuff out my light and take my capacity to care away, nah, i'll keep showing up until they realize my light can't be snuffed out. if they never realize it? their loss, not mine.

@@bennyfrohna7675 why do they need to see you light. that’s validation seeking

@@misanthr0pic no, it's just me meeting my own standards.

Not had that but I've had the nobody else thinks like that, talks about/like that, nobody else does that, other people agree with me, you need to be more understanding, blah blah blah...... my now 80 year old parents did a psychological number on me. Predominantly father blaming, mother shaming. I thought it was me. Now I realise I was heavily conditioned, brain washed to believe everything was somehow my fault. The icing on the cake is my mother now saying I'm indecisive! Yet she is jealous of the things ive done. All the while im battling with illness. If they're threatening to call someone else, id say let them and pack your bags ✌

oh yes! or the "EVERYBODY" thinks this way about you! naming my own family members! close ones, too! i actually took those lies to my loved ones who were so confused by the whole situation anyway & even more so When I asked if they had said these things. Of course they didn't - they couldn't understand why they would say that they did. I never believed anything they said ever again in reference to that sort of thing after that and I felt bad that I bought into it and called people I love dearly (and love me dearly) out on just a bunch of yuck! it's so hurtful. i'll never be okay no matter how enlightened i have become. never.

Yes, my ex husband of 17 years would call my Mom to tell on me, and if she didn't answer, any if my family and friends were on the call chart.

Flying monkeys

Each of us can have a tendency toward the narcissistic pattern...control, selfishness, poor understanding of others, etc. Health people are defined by the ability to see it and adjust. Unhealthy people don't, meaning the narcissism eventually defines them. It's a pattern on a spectrum.

If money has NOT been used as a weapon and you can afford to...by all means leave !

@@jengable4888 Exactly- and most of the time money and/or circumstances keep someone from being able to leave and they know that. It's cruel to the least.

I recently found out the same. It's no use staring at their hypnosis, just stand up and walk away from the devil's casino, no use playing there...

@@A.Dajlida if you are able to walk away...because for some of us, money/psychological abuse has been used as weapons to control...

@@TruthBeTold0914 that is done with INTENT and you're 100% correct ! It IS sadistic, manipulative, HIGHLY controlling, furthers the victimization, clinically insane for some of us, and CRIMINAL ! If what happened to some of us occured in the UK or France, the offenders who fly under the radar in the US, would be incarcerated !

Wow you were lucky

@@ferretfriend5458 he just found other was to make my life miserable 🤷🏻‍♀️

👍👍

@@FreeLife2022 Narcissists are nothing if not resourceful in maintaining their large and fragile egos. There is no problem in saying what needs to be said to put a narcissist in their place or doing what needs to be done to eliminate them from your life, however, it is certainly a problem if they happen to be your employer and your livelihood depends on them. Good luck!

@@chrisantoniou4366 you are absolutely right! Luckily, my narcissist is now my ex husband. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

We must be sisters because you just described my mother!

@@Kelly-oe8kr Oh Lord, I'm so sorry. It is awful how they can manipulate and control everything. I wish you love and peace sister.🙏

Same happened to me. You are made of strong stuff ♥️♥️♥️

Yes, every word. Same with my mother and her other 3 daughters who now term as the " flying monkeys ". Unable to think for themselves. And my mother told all of them I was JEALOUS of them to alienate them from me. Theres just no end to a Narcissists methods of manipulation, brainwashing and games ..

@@victoriaholler2949 Seems like their ability to cause us pain brings them pleasure. My mother made it her mission to hurt me as often as possible. Somehow it brings me a little peace to know others understand what I went through because she made me feel like I was crazy.

Totally agree!!!! I’ve been with someone 2 years now. And she gets like this, she has 2 boys and I have 2 girls. I just don’t get it

That's another good point, pushing you into defense mode. That is not a healthy form of human communication nor interactions. I think the best policy in dealing with that is to be upfront when they do so. Sure, you will get a nasty reaction in return but it's a fine art on how one can communicate/interact with them. Only give short and stern responses,. Go right for the jugular. Do not insult, do not become verbally abusive, do not escalate. If they keep it up, which they will, continue with the same approach. Like a child having a tantrum, correct the behavior. And like a child, you won't get far in trying to correct that behavior; however, the child will eventually learn that you are not to be reckoned with. It takes a lot of patience and time but you'll get there. Eventually they will limit their interactions with you. Don't want to sound like I am preaching. It's easier said than done. Trust me, I know! It's hard for people who are at peace with themselves, and with others, to deal with narcs.

Exactly!!

💯

It's like Darren Magee says, if you have to explain yourself - even just once - then they know what they're doing is hurting you.

That was a cruel thing he did .But I’m glad you are better off now

Yes! This is exactly what happened to me. I am so sorry. We are all part of a much bigger family here ❤

Me too. 🎉😢 Meeee tooo.

​@@Jill-gj3vvThank you!

Found no help. Even more alone than before.

I’ve had similar experiences. I’m sorry you’re going through that - that’s a difficult double standard that’s not fair to you. I hope your situation improves!!

Indeed🙄😑

Great clear explanation of real ways they show up, believe it.

💯🎯

He tried to control me through shame. It won't work! His problem attitude; I refuse to adapt to his lousy attitude!

I am almost 60 and he still lectures me. As if he has any authority(he doesn't). He doesn't like the word "no" Too bad for him.

He tries to use our shared religion(Catholicism) to control me, too. Wrong!

Hey that sounds a lot like my dad! The religion part too!

You are so right!!

TIME WILL TELL ALL...

I dont believe it for a second

Good for you!

Narcissists can't won't change ever. Unless God heals that person.

@@monicahocking1507, there are many false ideas about narcissism and what you said is one of them. The reality is that it is a defense against borderline symptoms, which basically means feelings of abandonment and lack of support. If a person is willing to emotionally go through lots of fear, pain and shame then he can get better, i.e. less narcissistic. It is an addiction to a false self, just like any other addiction. It is not a distinct type of person.

You're quite welcome! Best wishes to you.

I called it my 16 year prison term.getting out was freedom

So well put. I just ended my 22 year long abusive marriage. I know I have lots of healing to do, but I already feel so free and more like myself. 😊

This is me now. I'm making plans to leave soon. I can't deal with this narc anymore.

Congrats for getting away! I went through the same thing for 10 years with my Narcissistic ex girlfriend. Walking on eggshells. They have so many expectations and you can't tell them one single thing about themself. They need to improve nothing smh

Good for you!

Thank goodness it was few weeks for you. I lived with the narc ex for 24 years. Lifetime of misery

I survived 21 years...

@@sanjmalik6282 Wishing you continued healing!

@@akatress thank you, iam rock bottom at the moment. Just want to rid of him in my thoughts but I can't. It hurts that everything was a lie.

If a person's personality pattern is clearly some version of narcissism, then it is futile to try to help and 'heal' them. It will never happen. Everyone else has a problem. Never them.

You can't heal them. They think everyone else is broken. Your only chance is to heal yourself, and you can't do that fully with them.

I'm so glad that you got out. I was watching this and thinking about the numerous things that I've lived and how I wish I had help a long time ago.

The issue is when you don't have good health and you have to rely on them. Covid has put many of us in worse situations with our Narcissist partners. 😢

So we should continue to share our feelings, or should we just ignore them when they are manic and trying to start trouble?

Wasted 50 years on my all narc parents and both narc siblings. Its a killer to break free and go no contAct but also liberating. I cant believe I wasted my energy on them. Cancer twice lung clots asthma covid hospitalisation. I am 59 and am finally getting on with my life. But these s***s sucked the lifeblood out of me.

Yep!

You are spot on. I've got some notes from a work colleague (that they have done as a witness statement) and in it there is one situation where they did this, and then when I had left the room they said "That's him showing his aggressive side - don't you think". This was actually something where I wasn't even being aggressive but it's what she wanted to see so she said I was being aggressive anyway.

Oh, yes. They love that. They need you to be emotional, because they need someone to be out of control, and if you won't break, they will.

Why am I laughing 😂💦

To keep from cryin’ 😢💧

You will be an even better version of your old self. You’ll be able see through lies and manipulation others try to throw at you. And you’ll be able to walk away when they try to fool you. Your sense of humor will come back and you will be able to laugh. Rejoice when that day happens; it’s a total victory!

Same story 😍omg..its sad..but most of i am angry..bitter..and i want to educate myself and become teraupist ..help other😍...i feel for you..stay strong❤️❤️

I feel like you are describing me.

So sorry, you went through that but glad you managed to get away.

Yeah bud I was married 13 years to a narcissistic woman and it wrecked my personality too. My parents are old school and never said anything to us kids when it came to our relationships, but my old man in private told my mom that I needed to get out of my marriage because I had changed so much for the worse and that he missed his happy go lucky son. I finally got out but I am still not unscathed. My ex accuses me weekly of being the narcissistic one. She constantly wants to fight about the same stuff over and over and over. I have had to set boundaries and ignore her when she crosses them. It's high stress when dealing with that woman but I am hoping times the healer.

My husband had bad nightmares all the time and he is a narc

@@lolasmith1585 The possessed always have nightmares and disturbed sleep.

Way to go, Shahadah!

I feel you.

no, you probably were and still are one

@@DrWhom LOL!! You're definitely one!! HAHAHA!!!

Same here!! Narcissist in the Greek - absolutely STUPID!!!...

It’s called projection all narcs do that they blame you for what they are feeling

Spot on! The same thing happened to me, started about 10 months ago, literally was called a narcissist by my daughter then now exgirlfriend along with no contact. So I looked into this word.. All I did was ask ex when she could help pay the rent again (it had been 3 yrs, out of 8 yrs) Instead of a conversation, she screams at me, "if you were any kind of man, you'd pay it and wouldn't complain", followed by her yelling, name calling and blame shifting. Terms I've recently learned. Unreal the damage caused by loved ones. I went from happy to suicidal. Ex turned my kids against me. I've been in a frozen mode, extremely depressed from my life's decisions from lack of boundaries. I've learned a bunch and yes, I believe after much counciling /research my daughter and ex have issues themselves. 3 different counsilors say I'm codependant and definitely not a narcissist. I have always been a giver and some takers don't understand till ya shut off the funds. Yeah it could be or appear controling on my part but it's really not. It's called boundries which I have lacked in till now.

Seriously.

I found the most useful thing to say to a narcissist is "so what?" My ex would throw criticisms one after another, and he would get more and more annoyed that I wasn't bothered by his words and kept telling him "so what?" It made him look like the problem because I stayed calm and he got more and more agitated.

@@lisainthestudio For me, it was BYE. It was bye, and not even letting them have a chance to say anything back.

Excellent Analogy😊

Am in horrible situation. I left to another state with him. Listening to this makes my heart smile. Thank you. Now I have to figure out my exit plan. Sleeping in my own car tonight. Thank God I kept my car.

💯

Or smarter than you.

Yes, as if you were asking them to be perfect!

You mail this one ! your supposed to tolerate everything they wanna do and never say anything about it and forgive them endlessly

@@mgb7140 I

I agree with you. And I see that even though I am new to this channel.