Speaking about puns. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming

Why did the corn cross the road? It was being stalked

i love this guy 1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 2. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. 3. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game. 4. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 4.1 stars 5. I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. 6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. 7. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a Soft drink. 8. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. 9. If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know. 10. I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'. 11. I used to be a banker but I lost interest 12. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. 13. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. 14. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside. 15. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me. 16. When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'. 17. My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast. 18. The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business. 19. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. 20. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. 22. I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. 23. A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy. 24. I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen. 25. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box. 26. The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up. 27. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 28. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy. 29. What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 30. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. 31. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 32. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. 33. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. 34. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. 35. I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something. 36. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 37. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy. 38. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'. 39. When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland. 40. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester. 41. A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation. 42. The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down. 43. I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. 44. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it. 45. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'. 46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 47. The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl. 48. So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!? It's not the end of the world! 49. Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers. 50. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. 51. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. 4.0 stars 52. Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers. 53. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 4.0 stars 54. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time. 55. I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year. 56. There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together. They are called velcrows. 57. When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder. 58. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane. 59. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 60. Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word. 61. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. 62. If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor. 63. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.. 64. Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached. 65. I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me. 66. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 67. I don't mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line. 68. Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas. 69. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'. 70. Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 71. I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning! 72. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 73. Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever. 74. I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one. 75. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. 76. I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition 77. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too. 78. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. 79. When a female sheep turns around and goes the other way it makes a ewe turn. 80. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound. 81. Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels. 82. Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat. 83. My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it. 84. I went to the dentist without lunch, and he gave me a plate. 3.9 stars 85. My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum. 86. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 87. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out. 88. Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine. 89. The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out. 90. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal. 91. Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted. 92. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. 93. My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me, or at least sew it seams94. I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy. 94. I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy. 95. A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies. 96. I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted. 97. I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending! 98. If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? 99. People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box. 100. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me. 101. I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off. 102. England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool 103. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 104. I would tell you a leech joke, but it would suck anyway. 105. What is a thesaurus' favorite dessert? Synonym buns. This has been the small sheet of puns… seems in-pun-sible to find these..

Why was the snow yellow? Because Elsa let it go Edit: thanks for all the likes!

What does an escalator say when it stops working? Nothing, it just stairs.

Why did the guy trade his rare pennies for normal pennies? He had no Common Cents

I would tell you a joke about chemistry but i'm pretty sure I wouldn't get a reaction

I've found a real life sans

A fisherman's favorite super hero can be heard saying- I'm Baitman.

My friend tripped down the stairs today, it was hiSTAIRical 😂

5000 subs, better quality camera than pewds

What do you call a singing computer? A del

DUDE! you said the two tired joke twice! so this is only 72 bad puns!

How come the toilet paper couldn't cross the street? it got stuck in a crack

I know a pun I tried to catch some fog the other day with a net so I threw the net but I mist~

Man, why is Peter pan always flying? Cos he neverlands! I love that joke, cos it never gets OLD!!!! heh heh heh

when I order pizza the situation gets pretty "cheesy"

i heard a bad pun about chocolate bars yesterday, so i just...Snickered

We need another video, but, I don't want to put you pun-der pressure

This pun goes to Papyrus: Q - What do you call a fake noodle? A - An impasta! 👌

I've always felt a strong admiration towards pun-masters such as you. I'm terrible at puns but love them to death.

My friend works at coca-cola, it's soda pressing. My other friend works for Samsung, he's a Guardian of The Galaxy.

I can't stop using the puns to make my friends throw bleach bottles at me I LOVE IT

Energizer bunny arrested Charged with battery

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

My brain had to work overtime because you were talking so fast! I suffer from the same problem in real life. :) Great video!!

You didn't do a kitchen pun but honestly I could "carrot less"

Sans is proud.... wait... why do *ambassadors* never get sick? u thinking what im thinking?

I looked up "Puns" and saw this, took in the consideration of how your hair looked great, and clicked the video. No regrets.

A factory worker fell into an automatic upholstery machine. Don't worry, he's completely recovered.

Q. What happens if you try to walk through a screen door? A. You strain yourself.

I was supposed to write a pun but my pencil broke , now there was no point.

What do you call a magic owl? HOO-DINI! Like if you get the reference!

You should definitely do another one! Some of my favorites that I have thought of are: "Nice tux!" "Thanks, it suits me well!" How do literature majors fight? They Shakespeare's and Thoreau them! Annoying things drive us insane because they make us mad! I can speak Mandarin, I was just talking to an orange the other day! I named my butterfly King George, because it was a Monarch!

I couldn't get out of bed this morning. It was un-bed-leave-able.

Well this has my SEAL of approval

It was a very emotional wedding even the cake was in tiers.

Wanna giggle for 5 minutes straight?

Buzz aldrin: Hey Armstrong, are you okay with dried fruit?Armstrong: Sure, but not juiced-then-we-have-a-problem.

Star Wars Pun: I have a pun, but I don't wanna FORCE it.

That was amazing. There are a lot of advantages to living in Sweden. Their flag is a big plus. What did the buffalo say to his son as he went off to school? Bison. How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

You shouldve tore a piece of paper and say "My puns are TERRABLE. "

My friend was trying to annoy me with bad bird puns.... But TOUCAN PLAY THAT GAME

Okay, this is now officially a video I MUST show to my dad. Puns are the mother of all "dad jokes". xD

The number 10210 is too intense.

When my light go out I always feel delighted

1. My co-worker Scott went to work support at a restaurant out of state. He told me how the people over there were lazy and he had to be hard on them. They had to face hard consequences. Then I told him: yeah, and the people here got to do what they wanted with out repercussions. I guess you can say they got off "Scott-free." 2. *borrows a push cart from one of my coworkers* Hey Quenton! Who's your favorite South Park character? Mine's Cartman!

who won the skeleton beauty contest? nobody

Hey guys no time for puns Did you hear about the kidnaping at school Don't worry he woke up

I tried eating a clock the other day. It was so time consuming.

The only torture to give to Papyrus

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowntain!

* Brain explodes *

I willingly clicked on here for new pun ideas and now I know how it feels to be on the other side. *internal screaming*

shark:waiter! something tastes funny waiter shark:oh that could be the clown fish😂😂😂😂😂😂

I didn't like the idea of putting a potted plant on my head at first but it's really starting to grow on me.

This Guy Looks Like Malcom From Malcom In The Middle

Dude, great. I am not ashamed to say that I actually knew most of these. XD

Listening to these puns is a real PUNishment.

why did the horse talk in circles? to stall for time. what do you call it when pasta falls in a black hole? spaghettification.

My dad and brothers convo: (AKA fat jokes) Dad- "you know that's how I roll" Brother - " yea that's the only way you get around"

Wow Papyrus disliked this video 75 times

I was so close for making through out the whole video but laught at the 'Bomb in a bow'

"I used to be a train driver.... then someone jumped in front of my train and now i'm mentally scarred for life.

Why did the beef fell to the ground? Because it was a ground beef! No ok fine I'll leave now!

I will always like puns, i HERB that everyone likes puns. Well, to be honest, i will like them UNDILL. the end of THYME.

Why can't a cannibal find love? Because their always "eating" their hearts out...

Who's the best skeleton detective? Sherlock bones.

i just watched this video with the speed slightly slower and I swear it's impossible not to laugh

This was hilarious! Great job!

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

When you told me I was average... That was MEAN. MATH PUNS FOREVER!!

What do you call a gun that is now a sword? EX-CALIBUR XDDDDD

These puns are my inspiration

what do u call a cow with epilepsy? Beef Jerky!

I was reading a book about anti-gravity, I just couldn’t put it down

you 'spoke' about bike puns twice.

I was going to talk my friend into getting a bank account, but I don't think he'd have much intrust. (it's funnier if you say it out loud)

Why can you never tell a robber a joke? They take everything, literally

Mush! Mush! Make room (get it? Mush-room?)

I tried to catch some fog... but i mist

a guy had a car accident he had to remove his whole left side, don't worry though he's ALL RIGHT NOW!!!

Ok so.... Wait never mind. I was about to make an awful Valley girl pun, but I can't even

Some people say my jokes are punethical.

how do you find a unique rabbit? u nique up on it how do you find a tame rabbit? the tame way

What do you call a zombie cow. utterly terrifying

Why won't you want to give a balloon to Elsa? Because she will always "Let it go" ....

What Did Batman Say To Robin Before They Got In The Car? Get In The Car...XD

what do people with no teeth eat? they're stuck with gums.

Are these original puns?

had to put the subtitles on because he spoke so fast I love puns so much omg

Time to test out our new field gun! *LOUD BOOM* What did we hit? A field.

dide u said the bicycal one two times

He said the, "2-tired" one twice...

I forgot how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.

+Pun Diddley u need more subs now........ PERIOD and also heres a pun: A Karate masters favorite drink is: Kara-tea

"urine trouble"

my profile picture is proud of you. so am i.

Question: Why couldn't the computer take his hat off? Answer: it had caps lock on.