8 Evidence-Based Tips that Helped Me Find Love

Рет қаралды 628,190

Күн бұрын

📚 Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop! www.feelgoodproductivity.com/...
One of the biggest predictors of life satisfaction is the quality of our relationships and there are studies which show that it's specifically your romantic relationships which correlate with these health and happiness outcomes. So in this video, I'll be sharing some tips from that I picked up from talking to behavioural scientist Logan Ury who's written the fantastic book How To Not Die Alone. Enjoy x
Check out my interview with Logan here - • How to Not Die Alone -...
🎙 Subscribe to podcast, Deep Dive - / deepdivewithaliabdaal
💌 Sign up to my weekly email newsletter - go.aliabdaal.com/subscribe-su...
⏱ Timestamps
01:17 Tip #1 - Throw away the checklist
03:03 Tip #2 - Overcome the hesitater mindset
04:47 Tip #3 - Don't fall into the interview trap
06:34 Tip #4 - The peak end rule
07:45 Tip #5 - The second date rule
09:15 Tip #6 - The experiential mindset
13:18 Tip #7 - Basement person vs penthouse person
14:02 Tip #8 - Treat it like an experiment
MY FREE ONLINE COURSES:
🚀 Productivity Masterclass - Principles and Tools to Boost Your Productivity -
go.aliabdaal.com/course/produ...
🎓 How to Study for Exams - An Evidence-Based Masterclass - go.aliabdaal.com/course/studying
🎬 KZfaq for Beginners - Everything You Need To Know To Start - go.aliabdaal.com/course/YouTu...
MY CREATOR COURSES
🎬 Part-Time KZfaqr Academy - My 6-week live online course on becoming a part-time KZfaqr → go.aliabdaal.com/parttimeyout...
🏆 Creatorpreneur - My flag-ship course for scaling up your creative side-hustle → creatorpreneur.academy/course
🗣 Camera Confidence - My self-paced course on how to improve your creativity, career, or communication skills → cameraconfidence.aliabdaal.com/
MY FAVOURITE GEAR
🎥 My KZfaq Camera Gear - kit.co/AliAbdaal
⌨️ My Keyboard - Wireless Coral mechanical keyboard (Cherry Blue) -go.aliabdaal.com/keyboard
📝 My favourite iPad Screen Protector - Paperlike - go.aliabdaal.com/paperlike
🎒 My Desk Accessories + Todo List - Ugmonk - go.aliabdaal.com/ugmonk
MY FAVOURITE TOOLS
🚀 VidIQ - How I optimise my KZfaq videos - go.aliabdaal.com/vidiq
✍️ Shortform - The BEST summaries of books - go.aliabdaal.com/shortform
📚 Readwise - How I remember what I read - go.aliabdaal.com/readwise
🎵 Epidemic Sound - Where I get my music (amazing for KZfaqrs) - go.aliabdaal.com/epidemicsound
MY KEY LINKS
🌍 My website / blog - www.aliabdaal.com/
🐦 Twitter - / aliabdaal
📸 Instagram - / aliabdaal
🎮 Twitch - / aliabdaal
WHO AM I:
I’m Ali, a KZfaqr, podcaster, soon-to-be author and ex-Doctor working in London, UK. I make videos that explore the strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives. I also have a weekly podcast called Deep Dive (kzfaq.info/love/hfo..., and I write a weekly email newsletter that contains some quick thoughts + links to interesting things (email.aliabdaal.com/).
GET IN TOUCH:
If you’d like to talk, I’d love to hear from you. Tweeting @AliAbdaal directly will be the quickest way to get a response, but feel free to email me at (mailto:hi@aliabdaal.com). I try my best to reply to things but there sadly aren't enough hours in the day to respond to everyone 😭
PS: Some of the links in this description are affiliate links that I get a kickback from 😜

Пікірлер: 540

@aliabdaal Жыл бұрын

📚 Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop! www.feelgoodproductivity.com/?+Evidence-Based+Tips+that+Helped+Me+Find+Love

@rumples584 Жыл бұрын

Ali moving from productivity to reproductivity 👀

@abhaybhandarkar Жыл бұрын

lol

@offline__ Жыл бұрын

😂☠️

@indranisarkar7858 Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@jess5731 Жыл бұрын

Lmaooo😂

@shirlishalom770 Жыл бұрын

Ahahahah

@ThreeTwentyTech Жыл бұрын

Ali's one true love is *productivity*

@khalilahd. Жыл бұрын

Lmfaooo accurate 😅

@slayorswift Жыл бұрын

Lol 100%

@romelimmense Жыл бұрын

no it is money

@unclejunebug7178 Жыл бұрын

*insert image of him fornicating with the 4 hour work week book*

@janco333 Жыл бұрын

Entj

@sakinaalia1067 Жыл бұрын

I like how you’ve extended your channel into improving your personal life! Sometimes productivity channels can feel so about the grind culture that we forget to have lives outside of it.

@Ayesha_F Жыл бұрын

@savannahlee6899 10 ай бұрын

agreed!

@cherisheverymoment5651 10 ай бұрын

I liked your comment and made it 1.2k

@littlelilacbunny 8 ай бұрын

💯 🎉

@bobbyboo2860 10 ай бұрын

Honestly the best relationships I've had were when I was not looking for one, I put myself out there through hobbies instead and met lots of new people and eventually that's how I met my current bf. It feels way more natural this way and we were actually friends first. But I totally get the frustration, I was on the apps for a while and it was so frustrating and dehumanizing

@LalitaBallesteros 10 ай бұрын

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@spappas3906 10 ай бұрын

May I ask what type of hobbies did you do?

@LogarAcc 9 ай бұрын

100% agree. Sometimes living your life with the sole purpose of dating-marrying makes you seem a bit.. desperate?? find things you like, hobbies, sports, your job, having good times with your friends, anything. Anything that involves even a bit of communication with other people (even online) might lead to a mutual interest & it feels much more natural. Also, try to live in the moment, don't let your life pass by thinking about the "ideal love life" you would want. The best experiences I've lived are with people I never thought I would

@BeneathTheRomance Жыл бұрын

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="130">2:10</a> damn she really said “my husband is NOT the ideal partner physically but he’s Brilliant and hilarious” 🤣

@EastofSublime Жыл бұрын

Unbelievable amount of quality, life-changing content in 15 minutes. This was such an excellent way to follow up on the book summary. As someone who's fairly well-read in the relationship and therapy department, you introduced some new concepts and there's always more to learn. Thanks so much Ali !

@SadbhW Жыл бұрын

Yep, I actually met my "ideal" and didn't feel anything. I altered my approach to pretty much everything in this video and then I met my husband who was the complete opposite of my original list!

@bunniewood 9 ай бұрын

Omg same!! I met my ideal too and I didn’t feel anything at all. I was so disappointed in myself about that, that I deleted all my apps and never dated again.

@JJ-vp3bd 6 ай бұрын

What was on your list then to now? How did it change

@3BanANNAs Жыл бұрын

I am really enjoying your content Ali, I’ve been thinking about what it means to improve happiness so it’s really cool to see you go through things systematically, even relationships! Really happy that you’re growing in this way as well ☺️

@AlexPresa Жыл бұрын

I think one word can summarize this entire video and its: humility. We are all human, we all have amazing qualities, flaws, and everything else in between. Give people chances, and more chances, and chances are you will find love.

@melissamorrison2308 Жыл бұрын

love that

@enonz761 Жыл бұрын

No, nope, noooo. No chances if there is no spark. Just nausea

@adaninurs 11 ай бұрын

@@enonz761slow burn~~~

@maryamcoco3683 10 ай бұрын

@@enonz761yeah 😬

@yehawitsackerman7829 9 ай бұрын

@@enonz761actually, that’s kind of approach that often ends up in unsuccessful dating. Of course, you want someone who you have a good connection and dynamic with. But this is exactly the kind of thing that can be built. What can’t be done, is fix a manipulator, who is exactly the type of person who will most often give you a “spark” with their manipulation, charm and attractiveness.

@MarieSteffen Жыл бұрын

I love your videos! Who is editing your videos? Thanks for great information.

@emelsaat 4 ай бұрын

I feel like these are tips to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. To marry someone there is a list. Do they have the same religious views, if they want kids, political views and if they accept your culture/if they have the same culture and blah

@emaanmazhar6998 Жыл бұрын

Off topic: Ali's voice is so therapeutic.

@ZoeysMusings Жыл бұрын

Learning how to find love productively is something I never knew I needed 😁Happy you've found love, Ali!

@rw3745 Жыл бұрын

Ohhh Ali’s in love 🥰 We all get those feelings and it’s so nice to hear you talk about it. I hope you find the right one ❤️

@Kereshennaidoo20 Жыл бұрын

It's not about finding the one for you. ...it's becoming the right one for yourself

@amnaqc5496 Жыл бұрын

I love this, will write it down somewhere where I can remind myself of it :)

@MeryKeit Жыл бұрын

You suddenly became my favorite KZfaq channel. Your advice is always something to consider and look forward to. Thank you for what you’re doing ❤

@JannekeW1996 10 ай бұрын

Honestly, just take it easy and follow your feeling. If it feels right, continue to grow the relationship. Use conflicts to deep dive into each person's needs and each person's pre-wired behaviour shaped by parents and life experiences. This will lead to a better mutual understanding and to becoming a stronger team together. If it doesn't feel right, leave. And do not treat your significant other like something you can own or shape to your needs and never rely on that person to support you financially. That way you can always fairly choose for the relationship and not hang on to it for other reasons than believing in it.

@FreyaGem 8 ай бұрын

This is so well put! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@ArtistProtagonist 3 ай бұрын

this comment is golden👏👏

@radhikadashputra9148 Жыл бұрын

Congratulations Ali. Productive way to announce an engagement!

@pavithraparthasarathy7912 Жыл бұрын

Experience vs evaluation mindset and spark vs burn slapped. Bottom line: it’s all about taking it light and experiencing the flow,the vibes. If you vibe, you vibe. Useful insights Ali.

@ydavidzhu Жыл бұрын

Insightful. Love the tip about having an experience when going on dating rather than the traditional meal/interview.

@zottun1673 Жыл бұрын

So happy to hear you've found love 🥰 love to see it!

@ish77.7 7 ай бұрын

I just got out of a relationship fairly recently but I didn't go into that relationship with any kind of checklist expectation. And I think that's why it was so successful during the first, second and third date. It may not have led to marriage or whatever, but it was a great first relationship that was truly genuine.

@Abale8883 Жыл бұрын

This is the most on brand Ali video I swear. Love this for you bud!

@nurinsabrina3396 10 ай бұрын

I love how your channel cover different aspect of lives - love, education, career etc 😍

@thersten 10 ай бұрын

Cool

@MarianLivingLife 10 ай бұрын

This was really informative thank you. I’ll put this book on my reading list! 💕

@SrRunsis Жыл бұрын

This video was so helpful that I didnt know I needed it!

@explainexplosion6572 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for this video always all of your videos encourage us everytime always help us to realise many things also thanks all the members who are working at background

@GrowthMindsetChannel Жыл бұрын

"There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved." ~ George Sand 😊

@SD-MA 9 ай бұрын

JazakAllahu Khair, Ali! This seems so sensible.

@resourcefulqueen 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for this informative video. It inspired me to request this book from the library. May love prevail!

@wajiullah5591 Жыл бұрын

I'm sooo happy that Ali's usual video editing is back👍🥰 I hate videos with unnecessary memes😒 Your work is wholeheartedly appreciated.

@themelissalaurie Жыл бұрын

Great video Ali. Thanks for the refreshing tips

@amruthulprakash Жыл бұрын

The Baground is Awesome 💚

@alanCandanedo Жыл бұрын

Thank u so much Ali, I always learn sth new with your videos. 😄

@sunvavachi Жыл бұрын

I am currently reading this book you recommended for the past few weeks, thank you for sharing it! I didn't realize you had this video out 9 days ago! I was hesitating due to my cultural background but want to break this.

@blackcaramel9339 Жыл бұрын

Ali welcome back to KZfaqr .. lot of love respect and thanks

@Young_Techiez Жыл бұрын

So so happy to see Ali in this space😊

@ivinitmittal Жыл бұрын

Not expected this video! But was insightful!

@comebackata2 4 ай бұрын

I'm the slowburn type and it's difficult to find someone who has the same mindset. It just takes time to warm up and I don't judge after 1-2 dates.

@Kruidphatbussy 10 ай бұрын

Great video!! But this is also why its so important to work on yourself. Because you could be an incredible person and we could be having an amazing time but then when the subjects of “what are your plans for the future” etc…. Do come up, or if you don’t have basic table manners, are screaming at waiters, come to the date unshowered and with stinking hair… it can block the other person from just being in the moment and experiencing all of you when they’re constantly distracted by those little things.

@fdoctor79 Жыл бұрын

Soo happy for Ali and his future bride. God speed and continued success!

@Harshsrivastava258 Жыл бұрын

Hey Ali i just starting watching your video , and i honestly tell uu your video is so productive for students. 👍

@naut_nigel 10 ай бұрын

"1. Throw away the checklist" The way I just screamed "NOOOO" 🤣

@carlosalexander6448 3 ай бұрын

Outlandish, paragraph long lists are not necessary and counterproductive, that parts true, but I think it’s absurd to not have at least a short list of boundaries/“must haves” to build a relationship on a solid foundation. Yes, you’re not gonna find the “perfect” partner, he/she becomes it over time (hopefully), but you need a solid baseline to build upon, otherwise the house of cards will fall inevitably, as it is CLEARLY occurring in the current dating marketplace. A short/concise “list” of 10 things that are non-negotiables, I think is actually helpful, you need a small filter at least; otherwise I’m good.

@CorineCles 10 ай бұрын

this is a very good channel. I just discovered it today and I found this , I needed something like this. Thanks for that video. The channel is pretty impressive, full with references. I like the way you edit your videos. Do you use premade template or do effects by yourself ? will you do one day a tutorial ? I really like the way the transitions are made too.

@baghashvili Жыл бұрын

Deep Dive is my favorite podcast. Keep it up, Ali ❤

@khbadiane 10 ай бұрын

Okaaaay. This is one of the better dating tips I've listened to on KZfaq 🎉 Thanks!

@HashemRodef 8 ай бұрын

Love your hair like this Ali!!! It’s a good luck for u!

@seidyfigueroa5094 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Ali for this great video.

@Namastezizii Жыл бұрын

Sio happy for you Ali! wish you all the best

@siya4567 Жыл бұрын

Ali, the one person who uses evidence to find love

@DrZul_HF95 2 ай бұрын

thank you for the advice, Dr Ali. I'll make sure to use your tips in good way

@alihumayun8497 Жыл бұрын

Love you Ali. Thank you for the invaluable content.

@sms1511 Жыл бұрын

Congratulations to you and your future wife. Maybe it can happen to all of us one way or another.

@pietros9170 3 ай бұрын

Ali love your videos, thank you

@Yinsaei Жыл бұрын

This is very helpful, thank you

@bunniewood 9 ай бұрын

I struggle going on a second date with people I don’t feel a “spark” for. In all my experiences the men always feel like I’ve used them or “wasted their time” if I don’t want to continue after a second or third date.

@JJ-vp3bd 6 ай бұрын

isnt that more of a you thing then?

@JillWhitcomb1966 3 ай бұрын

As an American woman who is 55+ years old, I've found it was so much easier to find compatible men in the United Kingdom: This was either via dating sites, or in person when living in Wales, UK, as a digital nomad. Sometimes, it was just three dates, and other times it was a relationship that lasted close to two years. I'm vegetarian (vegan some days), Agnostic, left-wing politically, and haven't owned a car in close to two decades. I like a walkable lifestyle, I'm a minimalist, and an Introvert. I've also lived in five countries. In the UK, men found me to be interesting, funny, intelligent, and "fun to be around." In the USA, men on my age group are looking for a "drinks and a f*ck" girl (nope, not interested), or they want to talk about who I was in high school forty years ago instead of discussing my current life, or they want to discuss why I divorced my husband more than twenty years ago. American men, at least the ones here in the upper Midwest, still act like teenaged boys. Men in the UK, at least the ones I dated, acted like men.

@ThreeTwentyTech Жыл бұрын

Ali is in love with being productive

@jihyelee7140 5 ай бұрын

What a great video. Great job, thank you for this video.

@DlitMusic 3 ай бұрын

Yeah, it was really well done! 😁

@messpilo Жыл бұрын

Thank you Ali it was very interesting.

@aishwaryashri803 10 ай бұрын

Watching this video made me realise that I am on the right track.

@akshaydhomane6750 Жыл бұрын

Love this evidence based tips. Thank you very much

@Soochoup Жыл бұрын

That was surprisingly helpful 😂 thanks

@Rustilida Жыл бұрын

I love your new background

@OPtommy1113 Жыл бұрын

Finally release this video!

@anitaaaaa4456 Жыл бұрын

Love your vids

@ParisianBreakfast 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for this video 🙏 I just bought the book. I'm prioritizing my dating life for the rest of the year.

@NathalieLazo Жыл бұрын

So good! Thanks to this advice, I have the BEST life partner today - 7 years later and still passionately in love with one another ❤️😍

@PokhrajRoy. Жыл бұрын

Yeah, checklists based on superficial aspects are bad but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have non-negotiables as part of the Checklist.

@ChiCityLady Жыл бұрын

I agree with this, especially if your non-negotiables are for long-term reasons.

@catcoffee7958 10 ай бұрын

True ,,I was taken back by this point ,,,,

@medpanda2152 Жыл бұрын

Helpful ! Thanks

@peterpiper5300 Жыл бұрын

i miss that roommate of yours. her name is at the tip of my tongue. you guys always made me smile.

@bdfwhhsb Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video ❤️

@OmarMshi Жыл бұрын

Can’t wait for the alizzy phase of the channel

@serisingh 10 ай бұрын

I found my life partner doing the opposite of half of this advice 😂 I think everybody should experiment for themselves.

@JJ-vp3bd 6 ай бұрын

what did you do

@StellaHikes Жыл бұрын

Did he say “future wife” 👀😍🤩

@nixina2788 Жыл бұрын

"Hmm , Yeah I'm productive in love" - Ali Abdaal

@anadu187 Жыл бұрын

I love the vid, even though i already met my person

@toppicks9800 Жыл бұрын

Having Ali Abdaal as crush is super worth it.

@tinaperez7393 Жыл бұрын

This stuff irritates me - I want to scream "no duh!" - when it comes to assuming people's "lists" include such stupid things mentioned here. MY "list" had criteria based on long term compatibility qualities, core values, and values based needs and wants none of which focused on looks. Health and basic fitness yes (because I'm active and need an active partner and need to share the core value of long term health to be compatible) Just things in the "looks" category, no.

@Ogarocious_dance Жыл бұрын

Huge fan! FYI, Your chapters didn't register in the player bc the timestamps have to start with <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="0">0:00</a>, I've noticed this on some other video as well. Once you add the <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="0">0:00</a> timestamp the chapters will register automatically

@AmeerSameerKhan Жыл бұрын

For some reason, the word Bromodoro popped into my head 😃 best wishes Ali!

@hayetbh8171 9 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂 Same

@avatar-tn3rn 9 ай бұрын

great video!

@yta8892 Жыл бұрын

Really happy for you 🎉,

@thaisecairess 4 ай бұрын

Now that I´m opened to talk about it, find out my real issue, I´ve played this video and I´ll think about the topics... it makes a lot of sense. I´ll try to read the book as well. Tks.

@merqutio69 Жыл бұрын

Love almost all of the ideas in the book but I felt like if the other person hasn't read the same book, you'll get rejected as they are using traditional methods

@martinmusokem5765 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Ali

@jerome1lm Жыл бұрын

Just out of curiosity: Where does one get one of these "dates" that you talk about?

@Mt-kd8gl 9 ай бұрын

Good tips on focusing on the experiential part of it.

@FaeezKardar Жыл бұрын

Thanks ali

@holamissmusica Жыл бұрын

Congratulations!

@adam702702 Жыл бұрын

Great video

@krishnaprasanthi Жыл бұрын

cant wait to meet her!!!

@mansoorsiddique Жыл бұрын

So when do we get the wedding video?

@alyslim5234 Жыл бұрын

what an interesting but also lovely video 😆

@acanofswanuniversalgasligh9717 2 ай бұрын

Literally the only thing that’s ever been on my checklist is they they like me as much as I like them. I’m yet to even find friends that like me as much I I like them. I might just be destined to be alone at this point