Can someone help me with the time zones? What time is this in Europe/Germany? Thanks 🙏

Hi Katie, Is PayPal the only way you can pay for Workshop? I'm having issues with my PayPal account. It's not going through.

@@ConnyWeirdWorld in Deutschland ist es dann 20 Uhr 😊

@@LeaEschi Super, herzlichen Dank! :) Dann bin ich auch dabei 👍

@katimorton Kati, I'm interested in attending your workshop. May I pay with any other form of payment other than PayPal?

Thank you!! xoxo

Thank you!!

@@Vadamur your welcome guys!!! Glad u liked the video!

bingo!

Thank you.

xoxo

Literally

At least knowing that so many of us have gone thru similar experiences makes me feel not as alone

I get that. 😌 Good luck and stay on the path 🙏 ✨️ 💕 I will also give it a go ... 🚶‍♀️ 😊

@@orianaterravecchia3333 that's so true.

me too

60, I connected the dots decades ago and called dad on his b.s. His reply was "tough shit". What an asshole. I am not in contact with the loser! I deserve a better father than him!

I connected the dots at 36. Imagine how much generational trauma we could break, if only more and more people would connect the dots...Self-awareness and consciousness are the keys❤

80’s as well, we aren’t left out of that boat unfortunately. The 90’s opened peoples minds to gentle and mindful parenting.

@@MsTinkerbelle87 well, that just ain't true

Absolutely! Feelings were unacceptable. Hugs were not given. Love never offered.

@@MsTinkerbelle87 true, can totally relate. God bless you.

@@catherinewilson1079 this was my childhood too. I never had affection or my feelings validated at all. It does cause damage and I'm paying the price now in later life.

I'm here, too. Feels like a wasted life.

Same age and I feel like it's been a wasted life.

Helps to remember that the moms of us 60 to 70 year olds were the first to be given "moms Lil helper" by doctors. Valium was handed out to stay at home moms freely in Canada and USA. So this created more emotionally absentee moms at key developmental times. We don't always know they were taking it, but it helps explain those moms who had long naps, were emotionally flat, and we kept checking on them for feedback. Just another element that wasn't as obvious as alcohol.

Same, but isn’t it also great that we can spend the rest of our lives trying to be the best of ourselves. Never give up! Understanding ourselves better will only help others and ourselves of course.

I understand how you feel about feeling disloyal, I did too. I really appreciated that Kati prefaced her talk by saying, our parents likely didn't have a true understanding of their own emotions, so they really didn't know how to help their own children with these issues. That way we aren't blaming them, at least not for that. Lol.

I am so sorry you grew up with such extreme limitations on your emotional vulnerability. If you're able to start learning about your emotions little by little, and maybe (if it feels okay) seeing a therapist, you can heal that avoidant attachment. xoxo

@@Katimorton We are refugees from Vietnam who escaped the war. I recognize that it’s an enormous challenge for immigrant refugee parents who have experienced extreme trauma and PTSD to raise their children in a totally foreign environment and have to deal with xenophobia and racism. Also, culturally we don’t share our emotions as it’s a sign of weakness and have to take things with a stiff upper lip. So I get the reasons why they were emotionally unavailable and instilled paranoia and distrust in everyone and stressed self reliance only. I understand the reasons behind all this but I’m not excusing it.

My mother said the same thing, she said that people aren’t imterested in hearing your problems and feelings. It makes you vulnerable and people can take advantage of you. As if by feeling emotions you somehow become less worthy. As a result in 13 years of marriage to my first husband I was never able to say I luve you because I saw it as a sign of weakness. My mother signed the birthday cards she gave me by her first name only. Never mommy, never I love you, no kisses or hugs.i just realized this this year at 64 years old after finding old cards in some boxes and it struck me so hard I couldn’t stop crying.

I identify myself in your experience, although I'm a woman and we're not refugees, but my mom told me exactly that; although I learned to apply that to my family so much later in life, I wish I had learned sooner.

My feelings were always corrected. You aren't sad, you are selfish. You aren't scared, you just want attention. Grow up. Be mature. Don't be weak. Sadness is for weak people. Anger is for strong people. I always felt like I wasn't good enough. Even my feelings were "wrong."

Hi 👋 how are you doing?

@@franklinstephen3268. dude. No.

@@janicetribbiani7535 No what?

@Karl with a K having done therapy for years, I AGREE with you, in fact, I personally feel my mental health was WORSE for it, in fact I KNOW it did. Then they just want to dope you up. I'm med free now, and dealing it's all you can do

I'm older and still stuck

The not knowing what love really is makes me think wow that’s extremely sad. I’m going through the process of allowing God to re-parent me and I’m learning a lot about myself. I’m 52.

Excusing the abuser is also dismissive of what you experienced. It's basically a conversation stopper.

Honestly..as a mother…as well as having marked everything she said…imo my parents were emotionally neglected as well…and they didn’t know any better…they went to counseling and tied to always be improving…all in all, it wasn’t all them that were neglectful and abusive…the schools were a major part of the trauma growing up…when I was 8 the class bully ended up shoving me while we were standing in line to go in from recess…I had no idea what happened…I remember the loud bam and then I was waking up…the class was already up to the school meaning they all had to step over me to get that far…no one said anything and left me at the curb…I looked down and saw blood everywhere and mostly coming from my face…I started crying …I had no idea what happened …took them a minute to get to me….I remember chunks of things like the teacher and nurse trying to convince me my teeth were like that already…it had slammed all my teeth into my gums and busted one of my front teeth in half….I never went to the doctor for a check up…my parents got me in to see a dentist and got a temp rebuild…u could see that it was busted though…I hated it…I was 30 when I finally had my teeth fixed…but I later found out that I had also busted my nose and crush the sinus area on the right side and had chronic ear infection…from the time I was 8 till 30….The school waited 2 1/2 hours before calling my parents to come get me…mom said that when she showed up, I had started crying cuz idk they hadn’t called her…I thought she was just not coming..mom told me later after I was much older that the secretary looked irritated and told me to shut the hell up would u! I imagine having to listen to some kid who had her face curb slammed and a broken nose, cheek bone..and teeth…sitting there in pain wanting to get the he’ll away from them…for 2 1/2 hours…lol..I probably drove her nuts …my parents resent me for stirring up all that drama and making the school and the church treat us like dirt…Catholic school and my parents are very strict Catholics…it went until later when I was an adult that my dad actually considered the entire story of what happened..,he had always assumed I was causing some issue and got hurt because of something I was doing..it wasn’t the schools fault in any way…my brother had even tracked down the kid who did it..I never saw him again after that day…my brother, who to this day calls me names making fun of my teeth etc thinking it hurts me when it just really makes him looking like a useless pos , threatened the kid who shoved me and did so where everyone could see the conversation..I was humiliated…how dare he threaten that kid in a fake attempt to look like he gives a shit..so the outside world sees him as protecting his family or defending me..lol…I blame the school and always have…he was an 8 year old kid too and honestly..he never saw what happened…I literally never saw him again…he even said he didn’t remember me or what my brother was talking about…he just revamped a deep seeded pain I don’t really know how to deal with…I think I prefer not remembering…but yeah…it’s not just parents..they’re abused by the world around them and deal with the system in the best way they can…it’s really society this all stems from…

I've come to the point to kind of blame the sociaty I grew up in for fetishising the core family so much.. I have come to understand that I can't really blame my parents. I see where the dynamic we lived in came from and it goes as far as transgenerational trauma from the second world war (nothing as horrible as straight up holocaust survivers but having to leave your home because the spot of europe you grew up on will soon be polish and not german any more and having to live in refugee camps or having bombs fall around you... leaves a bit of a damage as well and it gets passed on...). and the one big thing I can see is, that I could have been spared a lot of pain if there had onle been one or two more people in the inner circle to break the dynamic. if I hand't been so utterly dependant on my parents alone for emotional support. the family bubble was just too small. but the sociaty I grew up in is build around the core family... that is still considdered to be the ideal...

Yes! I'm SO tired of hearing people say "well, they had a shitty time too during childhood" or "they weren't doing it maliciously." So??! They still get to live their lives while we suffer all day, every day.

@@erinm3567 They're also suffering though if they're just repeating the cycle. I think it's possible to see it both ways because it's not black and white.

A therapist helped me , you are worth it.

Omg yes!! Being a quiet or "good" child can mean we don't get the support we truly need from our parents. I am so sorry you're dealing with this and I hope my tools and ways to heal are helpful for you. xoxo

I can really relate!

Oh my god, Im in the exact same boat... I hope it works out for us dawg

Ever been assessed for autism?

@@buttercxpdraws8101 Yes, for Aspergers. Both a neuropsychologist and another expert later on, said I didn't have it. The latter one could fairly quickly rule it out. So the introversion isn't caused by that.

This therapist is trying to rationalize and excuse your parents' neglectful behavior. Don't allow her to convince you to do the same.

@@k.c.9650 there is a difference between understanding whats happening and excusing whats happening you should work on your understanding of that difference

@@derda1304 - And perhaps you'll work on thinking more critically about the things you hear and read.

@@k.c.9650 Blaming others is not beneficial for oneself. It is also a sign of immaturity. My parents suffer from generational trauma. I do not blame them for my problems because they too did not have help. I can only help myself now and end the vicious cycle. Hope you find tools to let go of your hate too. You can always do better.

@@CityKaninthis is extremely toxic and walking the line of being victim blaming. You are excusing abusive parents. I don’t give a shit that my dad wasn’t aware of his own emotional needs. Then he shouldn’t have had children! Or let my mom have full custody, but he didn’t. Now I’ve never known a moment of peace. I’m almost 30 and I can barely function because of the repeated traumas. You know how I’m dealing with it? Getting a hysterectomy so I can’t EVER doom any poor child the suffering of being alive. All suffering you endure is 100% because your parents had you. Being born is the catalyst to ALL suffering. It’s selfish to have children in any situation. But it’s selfish AND stupid to have them when you’re not equipped to care for them in all aspects.

You all did deserve better :) xoxo

🎯

Thank you, same to you, K 🙏❤️

YES 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥀🙌 HUG'S

@@Katimorton OF course WE ..... DESERVED THE BEST but didn't get it is the REALITY

Same here.

You wrote the story of my life!

That's so awful. I hope you are healing. 💕

That's on them,it's their mistake ,don't listen to them,be your own wonderful person

I had the same experience and it's not easy to let it go regardless of how much you try. Katie is so right. Get in touch with your inner child and give it all the sympathy, understanding and protection you never got. It may not change your personality, but it will help you to love yourself more.

Right 👍 YOUR NOT ALONE

Now all you need to do is get a neuropsych test done and swear by them and now we'll open up the doors for you the people that will ignore you and treat you like a codependent like businesses you'll bump into these bullies all over the place now that you've been through it and childhood I definitely say get CBT from not from the computer trust I'm home s with getting Reddit false beliefs as main goal

You took the words right outta my mouth.

Same it’s crazy

GOOD 👍 now what I GONNA Do about it

I completely agree I’ve never had anything resonate with me as fully as this did from start to finish. I’m lost for words

I feel the exact same, on every point you made. 💯

You expressed yourself eloquently. Most people are always happy to help someone. The giver feels good about themselves when they give as much as the recipient does. My mother was always doing volunteer work. When it came time for her to accept help she had a difficult time with that.

Thank you for the smile!

im 17 too, and have (& still am a bit) experiencing this! i am very glad to be at this age to recognize that I am going through this and also proud of you too being able to recognize that there is something that needs to be worked on. I jusr wanted to say that you are not alone because I thought for a long time but in reality there are other people who through the same thing. ❤

I also grew up with parents in a horrible marriage that constantly fought and verbally abused each other. My mom also cheated on my dad throughout most of the marriage and didn't even try to hide it. My parents never divorced though so I dealt with their toxic marriage into adulthood. I don't even attempt to have relationships because I'm afraid of a marriage as bad as theirs or even worse. I also fear becoming them. Then there is the added fear that my chronic low self esteem would also lead me to abusive relationships. I would just rather be alone than experience that.

I lived through the same thing Autumn

THAT'S CHILD ABUSE NEGLECT

Same here, bullied at home AND at school for years. There's no age too old for investing in yourself. Best to you.

Did they try their best? Surely they should’ve stepped in and done something.

youre not my thoughts buff oily men!

Good stuff👍

Thank you!

TRUSTING SELF ONLY.... BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WAS TRUST WORTHY... ESPECIALLY ACTIVE ALCOHOLICS, ACTIVE ADDICTS

👍

Totally agree, I am already doing work ( IFS therapy) is brilliant. But your right about YT videos only focusing on the issues. This one is a gem. Good luck and have a fruitful life

A lot of people don't remember their abuse because of dissociative of amnesia or they were so brainwashed it takes them till they're elderly to realize they've been abused. Try watching Patrick teahans videos about dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems. It sounds like you were the forgotten child in your family system. You could also watch Dr.ramani, Lisa romano, and many other YT channels that talk on trauma. You could maybe even have BPD from neglect and or abuse which has symptoms like this. These are symptoms of CPTSD and while all personality disorders are off branches of complex trauma BPD is the closest to CPTSD. To the point Dr's will ask ppl if they want a BPD diagnosis or a CPTSD diagnosis which is insane Because they should diagnose both. Psychiatry is a money hungry mess. If psychiatrist admit mental illness comes from trauma like how some psychologist and psycho-therapist do they know they'll loose momey.

I totally identify. I was oldest of 6. Navy brat, raised in baptist church and my parents were hugely involved with Church. I definitely was peace keeper between my parents who started falling apart when I was 12 so I intercepted the kids drama to keep things mellow and even though. I was dealing with being gay and the scorn of the god I loved and couldn't talk to anyone about my emotional disaster brewing. My parents loved me and I love them still. I just was in the wrong family or era. Haha I hope you find healing.

i was just told to SHUT up and stop being a BABY every time I cried due to them RIDICULING me.....I don't know how I have lived this long......the guy I am with now is the same...he orders me to NEVER cry or show my feelings in his presence......he also has called me a baby and said put on your big girl pants etc etc......I love him so much but he hurts me alot.....then I get to feeling that I don't derserve love at all....and that no one will ever love me......

Year ago i would say the same. Now i see i was neglected as i am invisible oldest child, not everything applies but i will not dwell in the fog pretending that it is, was ok when it never was. Now i see it.

I have considered the same over the years. Won’t have a gun in the house bc it may be too convenient to move forward before I can get myself to back out of any excessive thoughts. I love life and especially nature, but I know no one else I know thinks that way (suicide). I had a 16 yo niece k*ll herself 24 years ago (bullies were attacking her) and of course the family hasn’t been the same since yet her brother who is two years younger went on to get married and have 3 children of his own and is one of the happiest family units I’ve ever encountered. I found Kati after losing my husband of 35 years a year ago and having 3 other cancer deaths in the family since then. The loss of my best friend-ever has set me afloat in a giant ocean of grief and despair. I’ve always been a loner, as opposed to my gregarious sister a year older than me, but I blamed her for many of my problems over the years bc she demanded attention while I perceived I was being pushed to live the quiet life to keep my mom stress free. I felt neglected very early in life. Didn’t really even speak till I was 15 and didn’t really have anything nice to say about anything. Oh, I won’t go on. I know your comment was from a number of months ago but I still hope you see this 68 yo’s comment. In my search for direction, I only recently came across information/videos on the Stoics and it helped me immensely for my own self awareness. I hope you will search out some of those YT videos too. Between Kati and the Stoics we have an opportunity to have some good years of contentment and enjoyment on our beautiful planet. All the best to you. -please feel free to reply anytime (written under my husband’s name) -Kathleen

❤

I literally just said this to myself - what happens then? I experienced this!! Especially for an only child like me. It was hard. I feel like i check these boxes off but i also feel strong in these capacities when im in the right state of mind.

@@A_ndrea With me, althought it took me years to realize this, I started leaving my dad "out" mentally. For instance, if I was talking about my parents to someone, I would mentally much more refer to my mom than to my dad. My dad was there for more of the material things (like driving me places)--if we asked first. He NEVER offered things when I was younger. I learned that it was better for me to talk to mom first, then let dad know. Otherwise, I would get this stoney look a good chunk of the time....like I was an inconvience to him or something.

You tend to become bipolar or borderline

@@truthh8597 Not necessarily. I was emotionally neglected by my dad as a kid, but I don't have bipolar or borderline. I do have PTSD though, relating to my dad's death though, no his emotional neglect.

@@janetslater129 get well soon dear! Depression anxiety and ptsd are a definite with such circumstances I guess:/

So sorry to hear of your pain. There are other ways. I pray you'll find peace one day.

Hi ,I hope you find a path going forward . You take care Caroline and hello from New Zealand.

Don't be impatient. Be KIND to yourself. That is where it begins.

A pediatrician?

These issues operate on a continuum or spectrum. Some parents may simply not have been talkers. They may not have realized that children need more than food, clothing, etc. Other parents are struggling with their own problems so much that they don't have the ability to see a child has needs beyond basics. Some may see children as " just something you do at a certain age" and may even recent the "sacrifices" they had to make. Some are decent people who will provide basics for you but who are anxious for you to grow up and get out of the house. They really aren't interested in who you are. They don't enjoy you. They, fortunately for us, recognized they owned us something (basics) but. like the baby bird once out of the nest, their job is done. It was a job, nothing more. It can take a long time to recognize where your parents were on this spectrum. Little things they do or don't do and the lack of connection once you are grown will tell you what you mean to them. It can be devastating to realize you were never loved.

That would be so great! I wish I could do that with my siblings. I've wanted to for so long.

The Black and White pictures of my brother and me show us in terror and me usually sobbing.

I have a photo of me in a nursery class (UK) and I see all the smiling kids then there's me, face full of fear and bewilderment :(

Same age and same boat. 😐

Same, same! Trouble admitting to myself and others feeling sickness or pain, too.

Here’s what you do…..tell yourself that it’s totally ok that you didn’t get it before! And that now that you do get it you are going to finally work on yourself …… put yourself at the front of the line…..and give yourself what you need. You are worthy of love and respect….all people are because we were created with intrinsic value. I am 64 and just in the last year realized that both my parents were narcissists…..it’s been quite a journey of revelation. And I know I have made my own mistakes as a result of these relationships. This video has just nailed many of the problems I struggle with as a result of that. The great news is that I am free to move on and learn how to be gracious with myself…. kinder to myself. If I could say only 1 thing to you…..BE KIND TO YOURSELF…..YOU ARE WORTH IT!

@@kfcphtb21 Thank you.🙂

same here, found this out at 34 and now 35 and still discovering more stuff. It's eye opening.

Even making 5-10 minutes a day for yourself can be enough. Sometimes just getting up a few min early (or staying up a few mins later) can give us the time to tap in and start becoming more aware of how we are feeling :) xoxo

@@Katimorton Even just hearing that it’s fine to give 5 or so minutes to it is helpful, somehow. I’m going to try. I really sometimes just need to hear that and get that light push. (Thank you.)

Yup. Me too. I let go of the mother I wished I had. That was essential in moving on in life. Good luck. Dr Ramani and Dr Les Carter have good videos on KZfaq also. Jay REID is really good too, I like him a lot. Good luck w everything 👍😁❤️

@@jerirasulo9543 thank you for the recommendations! Good luck for you too!

Sadly, it's true. But you were the better Mother.

Their need trump's yours, everytime. You end up hollow.

Thanks for the recommendation.

Great book!

You won't regret getting a dog, the love they give you is just the most pure that you'll ever experience. And you never know, you may meet a potential friend/partner while out walking, because most people with dogs are the best people. I hope it all goes well.

Get the dog today!

Good for you!!! That’s incredibly encouraging that you pushed through and got it done!!

I wish that for you, too, Yvonne. I chose not to have children because of it. 🙏❤️

I had a very similar experience to yours with the cutting, and my mom found out and accused me of trying to break her heart and made everything about her. She locked herself in her closet and screamed about how I was trying to destroy her and my body for hours. It was wild, I'd never seen anything like it. Of course, I left off to college still cutting myself. I recognize the same patterns of abuse and neglect, gaslighting, etc. in my family and I'm not sure I want to have kids at all. It's a lot. I hope you find release and healing!

OMG me too! I used to cut my hands because the pain inside me was so great that the pain from cutting didn't really bother me (but no one noticed). I agree with you, I also think that the neglect is a repeated cycle for generations and I think you didn't break your Mom's heart. She probably just never realized and don't feel like it's your fault. Absolutely we can stop the cycle once we learn of it, and change.

@@TheCharlos69 Had similar experiences with similar issues. No quarter found at home, had to make it myself. Best to you ❤️

Thanks for sharing! You are welcome Melanie :)

Awww Thanks Antoinette. I appreciate you leaving that nice comment. I hope your week is going well!

Agree with you I’m 69 and I hit every one of the things she said

I'm so happy you were able to heal! Or start to, I don't know if it's ever fully complete. But thank you for sharing that it's possible! Namaste.