"Dont feel empathy for others" Well, they can have empathy, specifically cognitive empathy. Its how they are able yo trick you into thinking they care, and figure out which feelings to exploit when your vulnerable. Thank you or the video. My dad just says shes sick and everyone deserves love and he thinks since hes the only one capable, and she cant take care of herself, he stays. And stays. And stays. I know it can take 7 x to leave a relationship like that, but in 30 years he has never left.

🫠

Yeah this seems to be what I am strugling with. It also already cost me some friendships. I never understand why I become obsessed with the girl I have a crush on whilst normally I am pretty absent minded. To the point i exhibit behaviour which is opposite of how I'd normally behave. I had to even ask a good friend today if she could block me for a while as I have a crush on her and keep obsessing over her to the point it isn't okay for either of us. I hope this way when I lose this feelings for her, I can communicate normally with her as friends.

Great content bless you 🌹

For me it's more about convincing myself that what I feel is real and valid.

Did you read my mind?????

Doing this has kept me alive.

Yeah it also helps to fix the problem you may be having. If you're always just in your emotions when dealing with life it's no better than failing in water while drowning. Calming oneself, identifying the root problem, and creating a plan to rectify the situation alleviates the emotional distress more than just "processing."

Thank you! Your explanations are so clear & succinct - easy to understand & no information overload 😊 I will be watching more - as the mother of a woman with BPD, I wish I had knownall of this when she first started having trouble. I do feel guilty for not doing the things that I might have been able to do to help & for the things that might have contributed. I do not agree with her that 'it's all my fault' - and we did become regulars at the Children’s Mental Health Centre when we realized she needed more than we were doing. Unfortunately, my marital breakdown had to happen for safety reasons & we did not co-parent well (he still vaccilates between enabling/very permissive and neglectful/abusive). Athough he did attend much of the family counselling sessions, he would often pop over afterwards & say the exact opposite of what he said or agreed to in counselling. So - I became an easy scapecoat/bad guy with my son from another marriage, boundaries, routines & even my physical weakness when chronic cancer struck me in her childhood. It has been a roller-coaster for all of us, and I'm sure more so for her. Now, her son needs to learn how to deal with her, as he will be transitioning to spending more time with her - she is being very successful in addiction recovery, seems to have her parasomnias under control (she came to the surface 8-11 times an hour through every type of sleep). He is a very placid, intelligent child who lost his father to addictions in 2021, and has watched his mother battle addictions his whole life. He wants/craves more attention from his mother & I know often feels some lack of focus even when she's with him. I have had him participate with Children’s/family counselling, but at 13, he's not so inclined to chat with a new stranger & he does seem really stable for a child whose life has been so traumatic. I did have him listen to 1 of your videos (6 steps to dealing with a BPD parent, I believe it's called), and we discussed safety for him - letting another adult know if things are 'off', and coming home to my house for breaks, etc

I counted 7 out of 8 of these Syndroms. Being the oldest daughter, of a brother who came when I was about 10yrs, I was told to be reasonable and responsible. I had to babysit him when my parents went out to parties. So for me being a single child at first and then a 'grown up' was not always very joyful. I also was a more grown up girl than my age. Felt lonly often and yes, was a people pleaser most of the time. Learned to set boundaries, but that too often resulted in relationship shifts and lonelyness. But that lead to going inside and learning who I am. Still discovering at age 62😉.

The title of this video might as well have been "A summary of your life in 27 minutes".

psychology is getting trampled by neuroscience - thank god

no - learning is good - always

Be careful yall!!! Being smart is some how defensive!! IF YOU KNOW WHAT 2 PLUS 2 IS..... IM SORRY. YOURE NOT FOR ME!

I'm mad at myself for getting only 49/50 on my science exams

I enjoyed this video. I have had a fear of being alone. I have “people-pleased” to be helped and not abandoned as I have been in abusive situations where I have begun to be stuck in. I was naive and didn’t understand that when someone is so nice in the beginning, then, yes, “tension building” had begun to occur and tried to get out whenever I was being hurt both emotionally and physically. It’s scary and easier to stay because there are many things I have needed help for like my “basic needs” being met. For example, my ex-partner was nice then began destroying my stuff…I was scared in the relationship, but I felt I was not able to leave because I put my life in his hands. I have been abused by others as well; people have criticized the fact I leave and tired of my drinking and posting. I have felt misunderstood and more alone as whenever I “escape”, I get into another toxic situation. I really have felt lost and confused, especially with low self-esteem. Anyway, now, after my whole life being controlled, I now spend time with someone long enough to get to know them so I don’t get hurt again…*Also…I have left relationships before they do something to abandon me. So, I’m striving for a healthy relationship that I’ve not ever had…struggles all around with no escape. At times I want to leave this world because (unconditional) love is very difficult to find. I’m working on moving forward and focusing on myself more to become my own best friend as I have had trouble making friends all my life. I’ve been lied to, hurt, and neglected. I even became like my abusers (victim changes, not the perpetrator)…learned the hard way. Today I’m still struggling but not as badly as earlier in my life as I have opened my eyes and now understand I can’t change them (I’ve tried everything to re-invent someone for my well-being, but that back-fired). I’ve come a long way and realize that no matter what I’ve done/said is no excuse to be harmed in any way…*I used to blame myself for causing it due to behaviors, but after learning more about domestic violence, it is not ever okay to go through and be involved with mistreatment.

I needed to hear this today especially last 2-3 mins of the video. Thanks Kati and you’re looking very well 😀🇬🇧

Eldest daughter... lost my childhood at 9. Dated and married older man, didn't realize that I was seeking someone to be the parent/responsible one. Unfortunately didn't work out for me. Married 59 years... great guy but I feel like his caretaker not equally responsible adult partner.

my 30 year life is now out of its mind after hearing this . thank you doctor

I hate myself more than you hate me

Thanks, very clear

I can get the truth with going to a good church. You are not doing any good except bring more anxiety.

I was also younger by a couple years than my primary friend group growing up, so I think I was affected by sometimes being treated as "annoying little sibling" even by the kids who were supposed to be my peers.

And that is how I dealt with learning that 9/11 was an inside job & subsequently every event afterwards.

I’ve honestly been questioning if introversion even exists. What if it’s just anxiety, trauma, lack of socialization in early development, or sensory overwhelm from other conditions???

My step daughter has been brainwashed by religion. She truly believes she is going to hell and is terrified to enjoy her life. She’s depressed lonely and very vulnerable and I want to help her but she’s been at this church for years and they have done a number on her. It’s great to have religion in a positive way. I’ve been raised catholic. But this is going too far and I don’t know how to help her. 😢

Damn

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm about to cry, I'm so touched by this. I have offended people in my work and it hurts me so much I wonder what's wrong with me, and How can I prevent offending anyone else. I didn't mean to offend them, but My Body language and reaction to say for example being interrupted for the third time while giving instructions to a student, was the offensive element or behavior. Apparently. The other four students sitting right next to eachother in the same groups aid I did nothing wrong. However the person was offended and left in an angry huff. I'm looking at MYSELF to fix me. THANKS AGAIN. May God Bless yo for helping others. You helped me.😁👍❤️

Thank you. Your video hit so many things in me--except the lying (I think the perfectionist strand within me makes me overly anxious about being honest) and the finding an emotionally unavailable partner (I think I was drawn to her because she was in touch with her feelings, but now her emotional freedom and her demand that I join her emotionally, terrifies me).

I just started IFS (or as my therapist says, "a bastardized form of IFS") a couple months ago. But my biggest issue is that I have a lot of trouble actually visualizing anything, seeing anything with clarity in my mind's eye. I'm not totally aphantasic, but I'm close -- I can see vague notions of images and scenery, but no details unless I think of them first and focus on conjuring them. It seems that with IFS, it's more like a dream, in that you let the visions come to you and then you repeat what you saw... but I dont really get that. I have trouble even "seeing" a room with a table and chairs, let alone a cafe and my parts walking in and sitting down. I really, really want to do parts work and know it would really benefit me, but it's incredibly hard not to feel like this hurdle will make it impossible. 😞

Also known as golden child and a scapegoat (eldest daughter), but I don’t think resentment applies to everyone, mostly we’re still trying to to help our siblings and clean up their messes

Wait, a therapist HAS to help you transition to a new therapist? I finally braved a new therapist after a horrendous first attempt. It started well, then she says she's leaving the practice at our third session and we'll have one more session. I never heard from her again. I haven't been brave enough to try again. The app removed the option to schedule with a new person so we had to call.

That's EXACTLY what I did in the beginning of my 8 year relationship. She cried (fake I think now) when I broke up with her because my friend told me to break up in person, I just wanted to be done with her over text. So I did what he said and things did not go according to plan, not entirely his fault obviously but still don't get swindled by anyone be firm.

Can borderlines take responsibility for their behavior after learning to recognize their symptoms and learning strategies to cope?

Or tell you, that you couldn't get by without them.

I hope you can read my message, Eating disorders strugglers. I had anorexia and bulimia for not less than 18 years. I’m not proud of it. I feel shameful about the damage, and respectful towards myself and my life. Treating myself better made a difference. I have recovered but my family issues are stressors. FOOD AND WEIGHT should not be the enemy or problem to anyone. Life is beautiful when you’re healthy and positive. But I still love junk food regardless of health concerns, I just don’t need to obsess. Its fun to join the world with all the food and life happening with it. So tasty and good for us. When COVID started I turned into a foodie with my eating disorders replacement to germs/cleaning obsesses. I still go on with my new OCD but was reasonable during COVID times.. since the new behaviour still goes on.. irritating and annoying everyone around me. And after being quarantined 3 times during/in my psych ward stay/admissions, I kind of got phobic about clean or being affected by the corona virus again in that similar situation. I gained 30kgs. And super happy about my new appearance and eating ability & habits, but not happy if I had any health concerns. The downside of gaining weight. I have hypertension and beginning of cholesterol. Although these months I was trying to loose weight but don’t actually want, but must be trying to be healthier for living a longer and happier life. The mind should stay positive. Ironically, I have a bright future which is getting rid of my eating disorders and taking my right. Thanks for being strong and hopefully recovered. Eliminating negative influences can pave the way to greater mental clarity, allowing you to focus on what’s positive and constructive. Eliminate the influence of negative people or toxic situations, which has an impact on your emotional intelligence and your spiritual connection.

I don't think those 4 types are mutually exclusive. They are probably just how they happened to interact with the therapist, probably decided by the first mask worn in their presence

Sadly, this is my go to.

My egg donor does all of these except she's a narcissist.

I have all but the last. I do experience a bit of it, but I have DID. Is it possible for some of my alters to have it and not me?

hi Kati I appreciate your work very much and have a question.. Due to insecurities I have had for as long as I can remember, I have deliberately tried to shape my personality and likes/dislikes (such as hobbies or music, etc.) to conform to what I think I should be as a man, or to gain the respect of others, and I do believe there is some genuineness in it all but I am constantly suppressing other interests that I feel would not be “acceptable” or would not be consistent with this ‘character’ I am trying to portray. I feel I am not being true to myself but at the same time, the thought of “breaking character” scares me.. Is this wrong? Any advice you have is greatly appreciated.

The main reason is that she needs to divorce. Her children are learning from their dad without knowing those behaviors are detrimental to them, especially if she has a son. And they will attack their mom and other relationships. My husband learned it from his mom. I didn't know his mom was controlling even though she died. Narcissists are that bad. I was nieve to not to noticed during early in the marriage. My whole marriage life was in their gaslighting drama.

Do you talk to all of your viewers like children all the time?

Thank you so much for answering my question, Kati! This helps me sort through what to do next and was very validating. I definitely related to the “preparing myself for therapy” and then feeling dysreguated because of that alongside the attachment. Thank you again and stay well! 😊

I was neglected as a child,and abused,it messed me up.i hate people because of that and I DO NOT trust people!!!!!!!

It's eye opening when you get to know they don't care about you .few months back i got really sick and some of the friends even though they knew about it but didn't even thought of reaching out to me.

And who decides, whats the "normal" intensity of an emotion? Who decides that? In my opinion, I react so strongly, because I FEEL it so strongly. Thats what my nervous system, my entire body feels. And it's valid.

Thank you so much for your advices. I learned a lot from you!!! ❤

So, it was quiet BPD all along. I have ALWAYS been more "internal", since my traumatic childhood, so I never thought I COULD have BPD, even though I always somehow felt connected with it.