Acting for awareness isn't the worst idea, but there's gotta be some kind of transparency that it's acting to demonstrate what one of those situations may look like. If the tiktok creator had been like "this video is scripted to demonstrate some red flags on dates you may notice" and encouraged people to be careful with people who demonstrate the behaviors, I could probably get behind it. However, currently, I really think this was a horrible way of handling the topic.

The creator made a follow up tiktok upset that people were worried for her and asking for an update. She was mad that people suggested that she should explicitly state that it was a skit. Edit: she deleted the update video, probably because she was going back and forth with a lot of people

She should have CLEARLY stated that it was scripted. Like right at the beginning 🙄 and because she DIDN'T do that, this vid feels like a ploy for clout or going viral

I think stating explicitly that it's scripted makes it even more valuable as an education/awareness resource. If she gives off the impression that she's filming the date in secret, it gives men just another reason to shit on women as in "This guy did nothing wrong and the sneaky b-word started filming him during a date!"

Remember back in like 2015/2016 when there was that video of a drunk girl being harassed by random guys on the street? People thought it was genuine, and it was spread as genuine. Then it turned out the girl was an actress, and it was a skit to "raise awareness". Except they lied that it was real, and the guys had horrible things spoken about them because it didn't say anywhere that they were acting. The creator tried to use the excuse of raising awareness and didn't seem to understand why people were upset. If I recall correctly, the actress was also unaware they were passing it off as real and was upset about it.

I had almost the same thing happen to me over 5 years ago. First date after my divorce. Dude was controlling to that level for the first time meeting. I started getting a bad feeling when he mentioned having to go to court. It was ‘nothing to worry about’. I went to the bathroom and just googled his name. He was out on bail for r**e charges. I paid for my stuff and left. He proceeded to blow my phone up to the point I had to turn my phone off. Blocking didn’t help. I had to threaten to threaten to get the law involved.

During the first clip I KNEW it was fake. All of the things the guy said were buzz words/ phrases commonly used on twitter as talking points or examples of real situations, but this person used like ALL OF THE BUZZ WORDS at once, in the same interaction. I know guys like this/ similar exist but this is definitely not a real interaction

When I first say this Tik Tok, I thought it was fake because the dude sounded like the Tik Tok creator who makes skits about the insecure boyfriend 😂

real situation, fake video. totally agree with you about removing the credibility -- be transparent or discredit real cases of these weird, toxic dates. I've had my fair share of red flag dates, and I don't think it's bad to share awareness of those signs for people who may be less experienced, but faking a date without that transparency behind it is a bit cynical to me

I mean the video you showed about the guy “i bought dinner soooooo” happens so much. I even worried for my safety at one point because a guy went crazy on me. It makes me so sad and scared

I’ve been in this situation before- and disturbingly enough both of those videos resonated with me about a single date where a guy attempted both things. I’m not going to bring this up for pity, I’m bringing this up because the skit this girl is doing is making what I went through sound like entertainment. In cases like this, sometimes people will pretend to be on the phone with a person as they walk home or are trying to get away because it makes the guy feel like there is, for lack of better words, a witness that can tattle on them if they go missing. I thought that maybe that’s why she was recording, and so I was so quick to empathize. I thought, “Wow that’s exactly what happened to me back then, I’m so glad she got home okay.” It was only until I found out these recordings were part of some series that I realized what was up. Getting cornered by a man trying to pressure you into letting you into their dorm isn’t entertainment. Having a man who drove you to a restaurant and being your only source of transportation home (if he decides to even let you go home) isn’t fun drama. Having a man mutter something that sounds like it might be the last thing you hear before you disappear or are harmed isn’t a cool way to end a scene. Anyone thinking this is awareness has no idea how terrifying this truly is. There were people who were even asking for a part 2 or for her to give the full story like it’s some juicy drama. Then in a response video, she had the gall to get mad at people for being concerned about her. This isn’t awareness. This is capitalizing on either people’s empathy or the toxic mindset people have where they think that every bad thing is “drama” and they are entitled to being part of it. tl;dr is fuck her and whoever asked for more.

I would’ve left. That dude has manosphere, red pilled red flags all over the damn place.

I agree with you, and I hate when people justify this kind of lies by saying "as long as it helps making people talk about this problem...", because yeah, they're gonna talk about it for sure... about that particular instance which turned out to be staged, and how they think all other cases are staged, too.

Dude one video in and I'm already like "Girl LEAVE."

As someone who works with victims It usually takes about three months from what I’ve seen my own experience that I’m stating this for someone to start acting this way in a relationship manner or in ways that are controlling. Of course there’s outliers and of course happens of first date and everything but if you were dating someone I always say keep your eyes peeled for at least three months, sometimes even more if they’re really really good at hiding it. Not that it’s ever on us to catch it it their own behaviors but after a few months the mask comes down

None of it sounds real. The guy, the girl and lines they are both saying sound so fake and badly acted I don't know why people would think this is real. Bad situations happen, this isn't one of them clearly. I hate TikTok, and still so glad I never downloaded it✌️✨

I had a bad date with a guy I knew was probably fatal attraction kind of type of man. I just went along with it for self preservation and fake went to the bathroom before I booked it. Yeah. Some would say it is rude but I had a feeling that the man could harm me so I didn’t take chances.

I've been on multiple dates like that. That use to be the majority of my dates. But it's slightly different every time. Sometimes normalized sl*t shaming, sometimes pressuring fir intimacy when I'm not ready using "I paid for dinner" as an excuse or using gifts or "I was nice to you" or "but you did it with so and so, why not me?" 2 times I was r*ped on a date, sometimes things go well at first but then he crosses a s*xual boundary that I didn't consent to etc. I've had a few experiences that were almost identical, but they were years apart. This doesn't seem real and I don't agree with faking it because all of my teen and adult life people gave claimed that I'm lying and exaggerating, so faking it for clout is a dangerous game that makes us all look bad.

I think skits are detrimental unless explicitly specified that its a skit. Id imagine that a lot less people are watching them and taking a lesson out of it as opposed to people who take it as evidence that shit like this doesn't happen. Most people are just looking to gather evidence on their side rather than really think about what's going on. Edit, had further thoughts: When its explicitly stated to be a skit I think people have the question of why a person would make this skit or what is it trying to tell me, maybe people tend to try to take a message out of media more than real events, at least I can acknowledge that I do.

My boyfriend and I were just watching this the other day! I can’t believe there’s an identical video to this from November, that definitely makes me suspicious that it isn’t real…

I’ve been on dates with guys like this, and I can guarantee that he wanted to pay because he assumes that entitles him to sex. Never let a guy pay on the first date, he’ll demand you “owe” him for it.

It wasn't a date, but I did experience this kind of controlling behavior myself when I was in high school. I went out for dinner with a friend and her dad, whom I knew was abusive because she told me, but she was in a position where she had to spend weekends with him, and she'd asked me to come along that day to keep her company while her dad was at work and then join them for dinner and shopping afterwards. We went to the restaurant and sat down, and it was a restaurant I'd been to before and I knew what I liked. When I picked up the menu and decided on what I wanted, my friend's dad asked if I liked eggplant. I said I didn't hate it but wasn't a huge fan, or something like that. He insisted we get the eggplant spaghetti dish. I was hesitant and wanted to order what I was comfortable with but he continued to insist that that was what he would get for us. I was afraid of creating a conflict so I acquiesced. It was very uncomfortable from then on. After dinner we went to Nordstrom or Macys or something like that to look around, and I was just enjoying kind of window shopping. My friend's father was going to buy her something and said he would buy me something too, which immediately made me so uncomfortable that I had to call my mom and ask her if that was socially acceptable. She said no, absolutely not, do not let him do that, and it took quite a bit of insisting on *my* end to get him to agree not to purchase anything for me. I'm not his daughter, I didn't need anything, and I didn't want anything from him. I know it kind of sounds like he was just trying to be nice and not leave me out, but in the moment it felt very... inappropriate. It wasn't any special occasion and there just really wasn't any reason that I should let him buy me something. I dunno. Understand that I knew some of what he was like behind closed doors because my friend had told me, and add that fear factor. So yeah. People like this definitely exist, and it's scary. We have to be careful. I hope the content wasn't faked, because that would be super shitty.

I had a male friend who spoke like that..the tone, inflection, voice and even the controlling Ill decide what you'll eat thing. He would order for me when we went out but back then I didnt recognize that it was controlling. To be honest Ive never known a man who wasnt controlling.

There are guys like this out there, trust.

I saw the og tiktok on my feed several days ago. After watching it, i thought it was obviously fake, assuming she was trying to get views with scripted conflicts. I also thought people were going to think it was real because it easily reinforced opinions against creepy men into a bite-sized bit. For a second I was also like "what a shitty guy" but quickly realized it was faked.

I'm not sure if it's a skit, because I've been on dates that went exactly like this. But, from the comments I think a lot of people think the guy in the video is the creator theslappablejerk

While I'm unsure if it's fake or not, I have recorded interactions on my phone the moment things start to get weird or uncomfortable with people. I feel safer knowing that if things get bad, I have proof it happened.

I think she just went on a date with Patrick Bateman. . .

the first guy creeped me out so bad it triggered me ... and i don't even date, ever ...

It only TRULY brings awareness if it's stated that the video is meant to do so, I think. Like if in the beginning of the video, she said "this video's to spread awareness and get conversations started about blah blah" and openly said if it was scripted or not

What's even scarier is when the guy (or whatever) has a bubbly personality and they do this. Makes it seems like everything is all good until everything goes south. It's not always this monotone murdery vibe.

This type of videos are currently rampant in gym settings, they are all over exaggerated and not real and claim to be also "for awareness", at first were women but few men have been doing it too by literally provoking reactions while filming in the locker rooms. Now it is the whole dating. Honestly they are making anybody who gets harassed or could be - less believable. These kind of videos that fake or act such situations need to be called out each time so they stop.

I originally thought this was gonna be shaming a guy who wasn't a great fit or kinda awkward but after seeing the video I'm entirely on her side.

Lol you mean my entire early 20s could have gone viral, lmao

I think she just wants tik tok views and attention. This stuff happens but like you said re creating it without saying it’s a skit borders on making false allegation and that behavior is dangerous.

Fake is fake, reenactment is maybe alright but fake for awareness without stating upfront its fake absolutely damages the credibility of actual victims and people doing that should *feel great shame*

Ribeye with mash potatoes but watch your calories lol

To me it felt like a re-enactment of how stuff can escalate in a bad relationship. From my experience in a toxic relationship, they only showed that side of themselves months later after I’d been sucked in by their initial nice guy act and they gradually got worse so it took me a while to realise. I don’t think they’d be that obvious on the first date, but if this video made one person realise that they’re partner is controlling, then it doesn’t matter that this particular video isn’t 100% true. It’s unfortunately true for someone.

People telling me for a long time now "If you are emotional you loose your right." It makes me feel even more shitty. And I refuse to speak. Period.

Her passiveness and playing along was really cringe like you're in a public place, go ahead and make a scene, you are not in danger. So ridiculous that it seems faked. she is being such a pushoverrrrrrrr. if she wants to raise awareness she can go ahead and say "this is how you handle a situation like this" and she can continue to stand up for herself, and show others how to respectfully and politely but with dignity leave the date when he doesn't listen.

omg that video... - I would be out of that date in the moment he said that he tends to know what women wants... "then why you are on date and not with spouse allready?" eww

The guy in the video is her husband. She now claims it was a "reenactment" but failed to put that in the description and only said it after someone who knows her posted a video.

Ladies! Stop being so effing polite! Men like this clearly don’t care about going out of their way to make you feel comfortable. Why are we going out of our way to protect their feelings?! People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you, so if you are giggling and being coy while they are being disrespectful, they are going to think they aren’t doing anything wrong. You are doing several people a disservice. Yourself, that man, and the next woman that rejects him because he couldn’t figure out where he went wrong. When he said “I’m going to order for you”. You can politely say “actually, i would prefer you didn’t. I’m an adult, and highly capable of making my own decisions, however, if you have a suggestion based on your experience here, I may be open to your opinion.” He’s either going to re-evaluate his approach, appreciate your confidence, and change his behavior to gain YOUR respect … OR he’s going to get embarrassed and annoyed when he realizes your the kind of woman that isn’t afraid of confrontation and self respect. So he may be a gem that is self teachable …. Or garbage that takes itself out.

Even though it’s a skit guys like this absolutely exist and are one of the most infuriating misfortunes to encounter in life.

Whew, when I started watching my FIRST thought was why is she recording at such a, well perfect time to expose someone. I was hoping others would pick up on this. Yes this happens to people but usually if you were to begin recording it would be during the middle or early beginning of the situation, not before it happened. If it was to open up conversations about the issue, great. Yet based on what you said she has not claimed it to be fake or scripted. (Also if she is a known influencer or tik tok famous her next dates would probably have looked her up, found this video and known to not act in this way.)

Not saying this means that it's real, but one thing id like to point out: How do we know the ordering was the moment it went awry? He could very well have said something prior that sent alarm bells ringing and that's why she began recording their exchange

when you upload my day gets better !

I’m married but watching with my bestie who is dating again after 5 years with a LTP - she has had 11 dates so far and 4 were similar to this, and 2 were very sexually aggressive. 2 did ‘negging’ and 2 were fine but no spark, 1 she’s seeing again, none showed signs of this before the date- both of us agree (based in U.K. dating culture) a decade ago men would NEVER have acted like this so regularly. It’s amazing how in such a short space of time a very unhealthy outlook has been drilled into the heads of so many of them. It’s quite frightening. We are in our 30s and fairly savvy, but for young women it must not be worth the trouble half the time. With regards to the videos - I agree - if scripted, it does illustrate the reality but then it casts aspersions on the real experiences, and we all know people who have had at least 1 minimum.

The first tik tok gives me a big ick. I would have walked away. No stranger is choosing my food. Second just pay your bill and walk. In all makes the guy look like a creep imo. The concept of filming secret videos ois weird and detrimental

my rule of thumb if its on social media (youtube, facebook, tiktok, twitter etc...) at the very least its embellished or just entirely scripted.

That interaction pissed me off to the core

Yikes! Talk about controlling! I can't imagine going out with someone who felt it was their right to choose what I ate and drank after I made it clear what I preferred. A guy like this is really creepy.. Whether it's real or scripted, I have no doubt that there are men like that out there and there is value in discussing it.

Listening to him gave me a panic attack almost instantly

As someone who is not a steak person, I’d just tell the waitress what I actually wanted once she got there and just talk over whatever he was about to order me. How does he know she even eats/likes beef? What if he orders her something with ingredients she’s allergic too? They don’t really know each other, so it’s not a stretch to say. Actually, you know what, if he didn’t stop, I would just get up and leave. Lol

While this is a serious topic and really does need to have awareness, people really need to disclaim that it is acting. It's fine to have skits about situations like this, but the audience should be aware of this.

I like the 80s/90s intros everyone is adopting

Holy shit holy shit holy shit this dude is a big NO THANK YOU. ABSOLUTELY NOT. NOPE. THE "You will not embarrass me" part was IT for me. I was already not enjoying the ride but I would've been OFF. I WOULDVE JUMPED SHIP IDK IF IT'S INTO THE WATERS. IM OUT.

Omg this one made me so mad. Can't wait for your take

When it comes to the whole "how did she know to start filming during the ordering" thing, it is very likely that he was already acting weird and that is what caused her to start documenting it.

It's detrimental for so many reasons, the first thing that comes to mind is that if something horrendous happens to you ppl will start being like "Well why didn't you film it" more importantly it takes away other peoples credibility by the fact that they are faking these interactions and perpetuating this idea that it doesn't actually happen In Real life ! And yeah it's the same guy voice is exactly the same I initially thought it was the same date until you said they where months apart! It's the same guy his vocal tone matches. I have a really good ear for tonality etc. There is no doubt in my mind it's the same guy it's all staged for views. Disgusting!

She looked so disgusted. She wanted to leave but didn’t want to be rude

Umm can I walk you to your room? The answer is NO. Plain and simple. If he tries to argue it, take your behind back into the restaurant ask them to call and walk you out to your ride. Was nobody taught the girl code? Teach your daughters and sons boundries. Having your voice is powerful. She started filming when she did because maybe that’s when her alarm bells started going off

It's clearly an act from the start.

well I don't know, since I was a victim of couple of narcissists and very toxic people...I don't care if it's fake. It could help someone.

If this was a real date that I was on and a guy started talking about calories, I would let him order whatever then not eat a single bite because, "I'm watching my figure, remember?" WASTE HIS MONEY AND TIME!

The calorie comment with the wine was WTF...

Btw it is very clearly not the same guy and ive had countless horrible experiences with men and absolutely believe this could happen twice in one year to the same woman.

My main concern is that so many people seem to be unsure or conflicted about the guy in the first vid till quite late in. This guy is immediately sending up red flags that i wouldn't give the benefit of the doubt, real or staged. If it is real then i do worry for the girl as she seems to give into him easily and continued the date despite all of this. Please know that if anyone does this to u, no matter who they are or how well u know them, this is not appropriate behavior and u need to be cautious and if possible avoid them. Especially as a first date, if they're coming right off the bat with this behavior then they're testing u to see how easy u are to manipulate and abuse.

People are so perpetually online they are starting to think we all sound like aliens trying to sound like humans.

I had a date just like this but bc I was in my early 20s, I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself so politely ended date after dinner and left. I had no clue the date was scripted til I read comments.

Hello just wanted to say you are really great at makeup 💞

People need to carful what they post on TikTok soon there’s going to be a law one day that you can’t record in public. People record everything and sometimes it’s not necessary. It’s really obnoxious at times. No one will believe people anymore just because of one person!!!!

That was scary tbh >__>

Scary abusers don't start that way on date 1. It's gonna be months in minimum. Scary first dates happen. My worst first date was a guy like this but these guys don't usually get far enough to be the Scary abusers.

Too many out there ordering shit and don't know what it is-That's why he did that. But he followed the trad script too damn close.

If you thought these were real, please don't have kids

I WAS GOING TO TAG YOU IN THIS I collected a ton of evidence and it's clear it's fake, she has tons of videos like this attempting to gain clout acting for awareness is fine , but the people being worried for her draws the line. there are REAL victims out there and people are wasting energy on someone who's just an actress

I thought recording the date was cringe - until he opened his mouth. Then I started feeling that it was for her safety. And for record to verify “was this human for real?”

Never did I think I’d see a cosmonaut tweet spark something like this 😂

He sounds like my mother

I knew it was bollocks as soon as he ordered two serves of steak and potatoes. No foodie control freak would ever order meat and potatoes when he was trying to present himself as a sophisticated gourmand.

Some men literally script, pick up artist bs ... I've had encounters like this

I think it actually is more important for all the men who legitly think this is good behavior to see this behavior being ridiculed and when people start claiming that nobody in real life could be such an asshole and a guy sees that video, finding nothing weird about the way the male protagonists act, he might actually wake up to how his behavior doesn't achieve what he intends to achieve. On the other hand, we don't need to spread awareness about this happening because everyone knows the stories, most men don't believe those stories because they simply don't want to and most women simply have either been themselves in a situation like this or witnessed one - and so did the guys who claim that noone would ever do this. So, there isn't much to change in terms of awareness here. The only awareness that is worth spreading is that most of society doesn't agree with this sort of behavior anymore. Because believe it or not but not all men who rape women actually want to do that. Some are just really stupid and have been told lots of stupid shit they believe and they don't even understand what they are doing to the women. Sexuality in general had become a massive clusterfuck because everybody asks third parties about what their significant other wants and trusts that over what their so literally tells them. Anything that starts a communication on these subjects, as silly as that conversation may turn out - it's a start

I know these kinda guys exist, (2 to be exact), but lying always ends up creating LESS enlightened people

omg I had an ex who did this to me on the regular.... butt in and try and order for me. Drove me insane. We only lasted 6 months for a lot of reasons but gotta admit that was definitely one of the most annoying reasons!! this video reminds me so much of that experience... made my eye twitch just hearing that guy speaking😬

Idk to me since the guy sounded the same in both vids it kinda came off as possibly a weird kink play thing like maybe they go out pretend it's their first date each time and act out that they're in thier own version of 50 shades of grey. 🤷‍♀️

I first saw this video and absolutely thought it was real, and felt worried for the person’s well-being. After I checked the follow-ups, though, I began to wonder if it was scripted. This video would have been fine if it had been framed as “Red Flags To Watch Out For on a First Date” or something, but framing it as a real life scenario she went through took away all credibility. It feels manipulative to her audience and anyone who happens to have this video pop up on their FYP.

The way I felt when she was gonna just run makes me think Oscar? But also, did we forget the story of the boy who cried wolf?

She achieved sage mode

omg this triggered me ive had a very similar experience. Hes like the final boss of Grandiose Narcissism.

I think another thing that people aren't putting into consideration is that whether or not this is real, this might start a new trend where people start recording dates and post it online. Even if it's not so much red flag behavior, but just like awkward behavior people might used it as a way to shame people who just aren't good with one and one interactions or who might be nervous on a first date. Basically humiliating some for views, which isn't okay. And there's also the fact that in many states, it's actually illegal to record someone without them knowing about it. Every state has different rules, but there are even different rules when it comes to whether you're recording a phone conversation or in person. For instance, in my state as long as one of the people on the phone knows that there's a recording it's considered legal. But it is illegal to record a conversation with someone in person without their knowledge/concent. So even if you're trying to do it for the sake of protection, you have to be careful because you can actually incriminate yourself that way (especially if you post it online). And I do know that things like this happen and it's not just men who do it. I work in a restaurant and I remember a few years back there was an older couple and the woman was really rude and brazen, not just the staff, but to her husband. She ordered for him and wouldn't let him order what he wanted and was just an all around nasty person from the moment she walked in until she left. We all felt bad for the guy because if this is how she acts in public how does she act in private?

Real talk though, I went a on a date where a guy did this for me and homeboy ordered me a dish that was COVERED in onions. I literally cannot eat them. Ever since I was a kid onions have been completely off the table for me. I wretch at the smell of raw ones, caramelized I can do, but raw.... wtf man...

How do you know there wasn’t a red flag that caused her to start filming? I wish I filmed my dates that made me feel unsafe

Sad to say but I have a very hard time believing anything anyone posts online anymore because of the number of clout chasers these days.

oh boy… tiktok, this oughta be good

that first video screams fake satire.

If a woman pulled out a phone at a table with me, I'd just leave lol!

100% agree with you! ❤

This has me split. If it's a dangerous date, by all means do it. If it's a shitty date, not without the others consent. I know it isn't always clear cut, but don't record someone else without their consent if you're just trying to put someone down.

Maybe this was one of those ARG (Alternate reality games) situation. I don't know but this was clearly fake.