A new Heal NPd video droped, let's goooo. Thank you mister Ettensohn

Once you are done with this series, can you please give a case study of someone who came out on the other side of the psychotic or borderline level of narcissistic defenses? When you have a lot of people splitting that are the victims it's nice to have a tangible example of the success. To show the timeline someone went through to slowly develop their ego would be fascinating and hopeful to people struggling with this in their life.

Found this channel via a Tumblr post, by what I hear those with NPD tend to be quite approving of this channel.

Your compassionate approach to NPD is so refreshing. Thank you. Having this disorder is genuinely frightening at times - realising how much of life hasn't been truly real or authentic, and that almost all issues with relationships, parenting, friendships and career are due to defective, maladaptive behaviours and actions. The struggle to feel connection, love and inner peace is exhausting, and many of the feelings and experiences enjoyed by others often seem inaccessible. It can be a very lonely existence, even when around other people. People with NPD don't want to be bad people, or inflict hurt on anyone. But they sometimes do so because of their fear response, self-esteem, and inner anxiety/turmoil that pervades many parts of their lives and decision making. NPDs are demonised for their destructive behaviours, and there's also so much anti-NPD content online - which means trying to research the condition can unfortunately reinforce an already negative self image and feelings of shame. But when people realise why we sometimes act like frightened or angry children inside adult bodies (trying to navigate a world that is both confusing and scary), then this horrible condition can be reframed as childhood trauma sometimes being re-enacted on others - rather than premeditated, deliberate acts of aggression or hurt. It doesn't make some of our behaviours acceptable, but its helpful to see NPD as a complex disorder of mind instead of someone with a rational brain that wants to cause harm. It's like a Jekyll and Hyde split personality, which the person has very little control over when triggered. This is what makes life so difficult for partners, children and family members, as they never know who they're going to get (and neither do we...). As a scapegoated child of a grandiose father, I've come to realise I created a false self a long time ago to cope with and navigate life. Despite telling myself I would never be like him, I repeated many of his behaviours and actions - like a computer program on self destruct (along with many narcissistic collapses and a feeling of mortification which is truly terrifying). I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone, and the hardest part about becoming self-aware is the realisation of all the damage done, the un-reality of much of our life experience, plus the constant desire to go back and do things differently. My longing to go back and have a normal healthy childhood, and re-live adult life more fully with more love and connection is overwhelming (probably not helped by an NPD's propensity to use fantasy as a coping strategy). Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do feel regret and guilt, and we do apologise. I also think we are capable of feelings of love and empathy, and that many of us are self-aware for a long time - just not necessarily that we have NPD. Many seek help or read books on anxiety, anger or depression as they know something's not right and they want to change. Many also thrive (as I did) well into their 30's before life's challenges and responsibilities begin to magnify the NPD traits and test our fragile defences. The false self is maladaptive, but it can serve us well - until unfortunately it can't cope with the overwhelm any more. It's genuinely tragic that people with NPD were traumatised in childhood by the people meant to be their caregivers. Then we can often repeat this traumatisation on others, and as a result we feel even more shame, anxiety, detachment and depression when life unravels, and we realise who we are (and what we've done). Medication and therapy can help, and I think healing/recovery of the inner child and true self is the main goal - assuming it isn't damaged beyond repair. Psychadelics are also showing some therapeutic potential for self compassion, connection, and understanding the subconscious thinking patterns (and hopefully re-wiring some of them). By far the scariest part of the condition is when you begin to wonder if your false self is all you have in life, and whether your true authentic self can be accessed and integrated. The irony is that after years of feeling special and different to others, what we actually want is to be normal and 'ordinary', and feel the full emotions and human connection so cruely denied to us as children. This channel is a big help, and I'm so grateful for the time taken to create such insightful content. It means a lot that you understand and empathise with the NPDs complex inner world 🙏

For all the attention “Narcissists” get online this channel is massively slept on! What advice might you give to someone trying to become a psychologist looking to specialize in personality disorders?

Yessss!!! Thank you for covering the psychotic organisation. Love your content and work Dr Ettensohn. I put your videos on when I'm lonely and spiraling and you bring me closer to stability. Thanks for giving me this resource & reassurance

I was afraid you had stopped making vids and I'm happy to see you and hear your soothing, friendly, methodical voice again. Your book helped save my relationship, helped save me. I really can't thank you enough, I practically feel like a person nowadays.

Very informative and compassionate video. Thank you Mark for your honest and hopeful video for those dealing with developmental issues. ❤

I’m excited for the next episode. Glad to have you back!

I love this channel! I start almost every morning with one of your videos to set the tone for my day! Can’t wait for the Borderline organization video to drop! Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to ask someone to move their car rather than find a parking spot further away to avoid the confrontation lol 😅

You’re the best. I watch all of your videos regardless of relevance. Thanks always!

Can't wait for the next one on borderline organization!

You just described my older brother to a T. What can a family member do if such an individual refuses to seek help? He’s convinced that everyone needs therapy except for himself. P.S. Love the channel, love your demeanour and the work that you do. Much gratitude.

My ex was absolutely psychotic. His eyes would grow wide and he would yell at me for hours making allegations of things I “ planned “ to do to him it was frightening for me it badly affected me all the while he was planning behind my back to betray me . I try to have empathy for people who exhibit NPD but when they harm others especially you it’s difficult

I very much appreciate what Dr. Ettensohn is doing in this video and what he plans to do with future videos. Again he explains things clearly and with authority but always with compassion. He never strays far away from the idea that people can heal despite their diagnosis or their level of disorder. I worry about this video. I hope he will post the next one soon. I am active in communities of people who either are diagnosed with NPD or feel that they have characteristics in line with the diagnosis of NPD, but I also see a lot of people who still have a lot of misconceptions about what NPD is. I even witnessed quite a few people who self-diagnose in ways that are not authentic or helpful. I think these people are searching for answers, but are obviously not qualified to make that diagnosis of themselves. It seems like what's being described in this video is rare. It seems like this is at an extreme edge of a spectrum of personality organization that is not saying that often. I would hope that in future videos, he will discuss that. I worry that people are going to pick up on some of the things described in this video and say... Yes! That's me. As a person with diagnosed NPD, I recognize that this is not me. Pieces? Small parts? Absolutely. But I am much more interested in his next video when he will talk about borderline organization. Not to be confused of course with borderline personality disorder. Let's not forget that he's making these videos to not only help those of us with NPD learn about ourselves and to heal but also to educate the public. Like any clinician, to do his work effectively he has to discuss the topic as a whole. Each of these videos is not meant to be the key that unlocks all of our doors and frees us. I think if you're watching this video and you haven't watched many of his other videos, I would go back and look at some of the videos where he talks about the overview of NPD and the misconceptions about NPD. While these videos are incredibly helpful and always crafted in a way that makes it much easier for us to understand these complex issues, they are not a license for us to become therapists or psychologists. Watching the video three or four times and picking up on the terminology doesn't mean we understand it the way that he does. We are at a crossroads. We are at a moment in time that will not likely be seen again as far as NPD is concerned. Those of us diagnosed with this disorder are not only struggling internally with the healing process but we are also living in a world where we are treated like villains and monsters. And this treatment is tolerated and promoted and exaggerated in order to get likes on social media. Or to sell books or to sell tickets to lectures. It is a time for us who have been diagnosed and for those who have legitimate reasons to believe that they may be showing sign as a pathological narcissism or NPD to stand up for ourselves. To force the world to recognize that we are people with a mental illness that does not define us. Our disorder does not determine our fate or our future. And it is a disorder that can be addressed through therapy and from which we can heal. This entire channel is called HealNPD. More than one professional believes that this is possible. This is one place where you can get help and resources if you want to get better.

The model of narcissism/psychological delusion you've described here reminds me of Dostoevsky's characters in The Brother's Karamazov. In very broad strokes, Alyosha moves from neurotic (hyper-religious, isolating, and idealizing) in the first half of the novel to a healthy phycology, but only after the death and 'humiliation' of Elder Zosima (the object of his idealization) and him leaving the monastery (his place of isolation) -- his beautiful speech to the boys after Ilyushka's funeral seems to represent this. Ivan moves in the opposite way, he seems to have a effective personal defense mechanism at the beginning, but he eventually experiences a complete psychotic regression -- goes so far as to start experiencing hallucinations of the devil. Ivan swings between a state of psychopathy and borderline, but at the end of the novel he has a chance to regain a sense of reality, but that really is left up to the reader.

Thank you for explaining in such informative depth what many including myself find confusing about someone we care about.

Thank you, I learned a lot about personality organization from this video.

Thank you so much.

I feel overwhelmed and hopeless, I don’t see any resources to help me and I’m not sure if I fall into this category but hearing this kind of information is very distressing. Growing up with a schizophrenic mother has been unbearably difficult, nobody understands the kind of issues and struggles I’ve had to endure. It’s not possible for me to think that somehow my reality tested mind is somehow not accurate. Accuracy is really important to me. I have taken so much care to try to tolerate and get through the unimaginable stress I’ve had to deal with at home. Utter chaos and paranoia from my mom constantly. I also dislike people who are overly humorous and I really hate that so many people get to live their lives in a healthy carefree way while I have to continue to suffer. It really pains me if I really am this way, bc I took so much care and already worked SO hard to develop the right ways to be different from my mom (I don’t think I’m overly paranoid but this video has given me anxiety about this). I’ve had to fight my mom every day on her irrational anxieties and paranoias and it isn’t my fault I picked up a few bc I was hearing her say things and at first it didn’t make sense but over time some of the things she said sort of made sense to me. It doesn’t make sense that this could be a bad thing if it helps one feel better and tolerate extreme amounts of stress. I am so burned out at this time. I really don’t know what else can be done. There aren’t really therapists to help with the personal issues I have been dealing with it alone.

Thank you! Already waiting for the next video

Explained simply and well - thank you!

This was so helpful and hopeful. Thank you Dr. Ettensohn!

I have an uncle (my mom's bother) who is very kind, but got the brunt of a lot of extreme psychological and physical abuse by my grandparents that the 3 siblings endured. He has lived an almost captive life. (The only place he's ever been aside from their home was Vietnam as a comms tech- during draft times he volunteered as an AF techie to avoid the draft into infantry as there isn't a confrontational bone in his body, and his 9-5 job for yrs. No friends, never a romantic partner, nor even a date.) He's shockingly smart & a curious learner. But because of this severe sheltering, he seems sort of trapped in a mental prison of their insanely dysfunctional "reality". So when you speak of impaired development and the psychotic blur of reality- I can see that in him where he has a very fragile sense of self and is afraid to attempt anything really. His brother is flat out psychotic and out of touch with reality, but clearly took on the NPD mantle their mother had, and is quite malicious, ego-driven, and dark in his alternate take on reality- in fact, continuing the psychological and financial control & abuse towards his brother. They share a home. What I'm wondering, is if there is anything to be said about treating induced psychotic traits as a result of captivity & exposure/indoctrination into someone else's alternate reality of beliefs- especially after so long? Like maybe a Stockholm Syndrome or cult type thing almost. He is 76 now & sadly may never experience life outside that house. Even if my older uncle dies first- I hope I can lead him to help but it seems grim. The part where you mentioned hearing those abusers in their heads really hit home, as I know that's his self-talk 24/7, even without his brother's abuse.

Wonderful video as usual

wonderful video ❤ im very interested in learning about these developmental levels, so im looking forward to your video about the borderline one as well. i would appreciate it if you added more detailled "grandiose" examples, as im currently working towards deconstructing and learning about mine. thank you for making informative videos for us with npd in midst of all this chaos!

Amazing video with a highly detailed explanation! Loved it, thank you!

This was so helpful to me in understanding myself. Thank you!

thx for your work looking forward to the next video

You're a great educator! Thank you so much.

Do you believe NPD is a secondary defense (higher functioning) against BPD?

If someone has all or most of the psychotic symptoms but they are somewhat willing to recognize that they have NPD and go to therapy what are the chances that they will improve and how long do you think it would take for them to no longer qualify as NPD? I realize this is circumstantial based but I'm wondering if there is a broad time frame if the person is willing to put in the work. I would say it's not super severe but moderately in most of these areas. She just recently (about a month ago) became willing to admit it and go to therapy. I appreciate the insight so I have a better understanding of what to expect and if I want to keep allowing my boundaries to be broken if there is little to no hope of change.

Do you think that extreme Contagion OCD leading to taking over the lives of loved ones could be an attempt to enact omnipotent control? [I have in mind someone with many markers of NPD]

LOVE YOUR VIDEOS POST MORE PLEASEEEEEEEE❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

MORE VIDEOS PLEASEEEEE😊

I do tend to have some of these, mostly in response to fear and stressors that i have from early childhood. I can defintely see a realistic perception later as i am detached from the situation, but, unfortunately, when put under duress, due probably to early trauma, my perception of reality is somewhat distorted. Can you please refer me a resource, or plan, course to read up on and understand how to develop better ego functions?

So enjoyed this video, Dr. Ettonsohn. Is it possible for someone to be mostly in the neurotic or possibly borderline range while still struggling with some psychotic features daily? Like body dismorphia or illness anxiety? Also, are obsessive thinking or features just a step below the healthy range? I noticed that on the chart you included, but not entirely sure how it works :) would love to learn more. Amazing content!!

Can you do vids on bpd too

I WANT NMORE MORE MORE MORE VIDSSSSS

❤

So, if I'm understanding right, personality disorders are basically adaptations made by the mind to deal with [Insert Bad Things]?

8:22 I wonder what led to "Psychotic" being used for both left and right there.

Is this generally from O.Kernberg? Isn't 'Neurotic' a bit of a misnomer, why was it called 'Neurotic'. I thought being/acting Neurotic is generally bad? Or what am I missing? Thanks again for the videos! It is awesome that you explain all this stuff in an accessible and simple way.

I am somewhat suspicious with the idea of a "healthy" person as it can get somewhat normative. With that i stay with Lacans criticism of what was thought in his time as an "healthy" developtment by post-freudian. With that in mind, i see with this idea from psychotic, going through boderline, de defenses organize diffrently with different levels of stress and defensive reactions, from an more desperate and furious reaction, to and more coordinated one. I can somewhat see it in myself and my work on my boderline/npd traits, as i somewhat am able to deal with paranoid episodes (non-psychotic) today, when i stop and ponder, acknowlaging my scared and terrorized little child iner-self and can access the situation and what angered me far better than a few years ago, and take a more structured action against agressors, disrespectfull, exploitative persons, or situation where i didnt got what i expected. It was hard. Some boderline/npd people can get in an corrective and normative posture when they try to get better, specially when the individuation from the Other was extremly corrupted and sabotaged. It was hard to go beyond this corrective impulse and even begin to form an boundaries percetpion and the notion that i have the right to enforce the boundaries, especially with the prime caretakers that are the prime abusers from the first place. Sorry for this excessive digression.

Extremely long rant no need to read, but please be honest with me if you do! Be truthful I need to hear it Hi, I feel like I relate alot to these and it really scares me. Is there any way we could have a chat? I have a tendency to not be able to able to asses the levels to which I have them. They can be extreme but i am also aware of the fact that my mind can play tricks and try to understand the situation. Like the examples you mentioned aren't something I relate to very often, but it can happen, especially when its an experience I haven't had before. I try to contain it because I believe it is my mind playing tricks, but I still can lose myself sometimes. In fact it is happening right now as I've recently entered my first romantic relationship. It vas gotten easier over the past weeks and I am able to regulate and understand the other person and their pov better, but I still understand the burden I may have placed on her when my anxiety goes overboard, which it has gone. And especially after I read up on npd and have been struggling immensely with the prospect of having it. And also projecting it onto other people which has lead me to almost villainising or at least be doubtful of people I don't want to be doubtful of. And even worse with myself. It is causing extreme stress and its really making my days difficult. It makes want to go back to whats familiar and safe and where I know myself and the people around me. I keep most of it i side as I feel these feelings are absurd and that my paranoia is just that. I can be extremely grandiose and feel very smart or handsome or it can completely flip and make me feel hideous or stupid. Im very aware of it just being a fluctuation, and unlike what people typically say about narcissists, I don't think I'm trying to feed myself or my ego. Sometimes with new people I do mask too hard and I feel like its an automatic response, but its less with people I know and trust. But it is big, and I've been talking to some friends about it and asking what its like to be on the lther side of me, and nobody has bad things to say about me, but I know its more complex and something happening internally. For example im scared to speak my mind because I subconsciously believe people dislike me and see all my faults and therfore im kind of wakting for the day they unload it all onto me and say everything i hate about myself, that especially happens when I don't people please. Im trying to protect myself but I feel fake and dislike it. Its like no matter how well someone knows me they don't know those negative parts about myself that I can't incorporate into the image of who I wish I was. I struggle to believe in the love people have for me or the value I bring and honestly for the longest time I saw myself as more of a social servant just trying to keep my head low and give people what they want, while internally congratulating myself for my social iq or my servitude. I dont think anyone would call me arrogant or entitled as I don't really display any of those out of fear. I don't think I am very entitled to be fair, but maybe there is some entitlement there I haven't adressed. Constructive criticism is fine for me and I am ok with getting tips on how I can do A or B better. But when it comes to who I am I can try to overcorrect my mistakes and beat myself viciously for them. I feel egotistical and arrogant and feel like those are negative traits so I try not to be, but I go too far in the other direction. Im sorry for this long rant, but I really need help and I'm not quite sure how to go about it. And self regualating is fine but it's nlt working in soothing my own inner image of how bad I am, and it doesn't lessen the anxiety I feel. Especially in unfamiliar territory's. Hi im back, my opinion swayed the other way again so maybe I can provide more context. Like for example when I said I saw myself as a social servant, it's more like I don't believe I'm capablw lf truly living amongst normal people and that I see myself more as something to be picked up and played with and have fun with, not someone to take seriously as a friend or partner, I'm trying to change that by opening up and bekng honest and not people pleasing too hard, but it is hard to beat the negative thoughts telling me I'm awful and don't deserve it lr is too afraid to try because I'll be rejected. It feels very much like a tug of war inside me. I have that narcissist inside me wether it is a narcissistic mood or whatnot, it feels like I'm two people, the other on the other hand cares extremely deeply for people. Having kinda regulated from the space I was in I feel like I can see it more clearly, maybe I'm delusional now tho idk. I feel extremely deeply about not hurting others and have through my whole life struggled with guilt. I don't want to hurt others. A friend asked me if I wanted to hang out just now and I said yes and apologized that I'm bad at inviting out, because I don't want him to feel like he has to put the work in, and am telling him I'm working on it. He said I'm good at inviting out and do it plenty, but I honestly cannot remember since my memory is pretty much clogged all the time, and now I'm like "damn, I made a mess again". I've also seen some things about how narcissists choose partners based on more materialistic or "feeding" grounds, which isn't something im very concerned with. I can feel myself get heavy again, I had a thought that sent me spiraling again, I'm hoping that writing as it is happening can prevent me from entering the space. Snap I actually have a lot lf thoughts running, I can feel my mind shutting the other stuff i was thinking down and disregulating. Anyways sorry, thought ut was interesting that it was happening right now. Im getting dizzy from it. Ok its cool just gotta remember what i was thinking. Ok i dont remember all, but basically two people and I don't really know which is the real me, the person that tends to come out is the kind one, and is basically how people view me (not saying I don't have character flaws that are very apparent, but it's not really relevant) in many ways it also how I see me, but there is anlther part of me that I keep locked in that im ashamed of. I can struggle with emotional empathy, often not being able to access feelings of joy or sadness for others. That doesn't mean I want bad for them, I want good for them and will naturally accommodate because I want them to feel good, but it isn't always available to me, it depends. When my girlfriend cried I had to stop myself frlm crying myself, but then when anlther close mate of mine got a girlfriend I didn't really feel anything, i thought good for him he deserves it and has so much to give and I hope it goes well, I just didn't personally feel the joy. But then when a other friend got in his first relationship I felt really happy for him as it something I has meant alot to him. He also deserves it and I believe he is so good bf material. I feel it deeper with even though I have the same stance for both and is closer with the first friend I mentioned, idk why I guess I just figured it was more likely to happen with the first idk. Other times when others say sad things I accommodate because my natural drive tells me to do so, even though I don't really feel sad myself. I don't know if im projecting onto myself because I dont have all the facts or really understand the meaning of them (i swung back again) or maybe now that ive kinda gone down again my mind is more rational and open thinking. Honestly maybe thats the problem. Maybe im a narcissist that had to retreat back to my safe space and believe this about myself. Or maybe I get tunnel vision and viciously beat myself. I have really bad memory, and my mind will hyper focus on the things that I really fear. I do that often and live in extreme stress because of it, which I think is indicative of a narcissist. I'm svinging back and forth now, I think it's because as I write memories for and against are clashing like crazy. And I can feel my body growing heavy and light based on it. My head dizzying and then clearing, it is not this bad usually, these swings happen a few times a day, not an hour lr a minute. I have honestly no idea, so much is floating around and I can't grapple it truly. I feel immense guilt to all the people in my life for it. They deserve better and I am wondering maybe what is best for me amd the people in my life ks I take a step back, I don't want to hurt the people close to my heart. And I keep trying to understand. Not knowing is really the hardest part of it. I hate that I don't know if im seeing my own toxic truth and breaking out of my safe space, or doing the opposite and putting myself in a danger space to make sure im not there. I have a tendency to believe the worst case until proven otherwise, and usually I am proven wrong, but still, even if i am or not it is unfair to people that I should wallow in the state I am in right now. This second guessing my relationships and intentions is not fair to them. Too many people have shown me too much grace and kindness when I struggle to do basic things or when I say im sorry a million times, or act stupid. I feel like I act too much like woe is me, even if I don't mean to, it's unfair and I hate how im not able to be there for everyone the way they are for me. They're good people why am I dragging them down, they'll dl better without me but I dont want to lose them either. I'm deeply selfish, and I have very little character.