Me too. Made me ill.

absolutely. It's pretty much like dealing with a toddler. Everything is about them. You're constantly managing them, making sure they're happy, but it's an impossible task anyway because they are never happy, always angry at something no matter how small it is. They are mentally ill. They hurt others so badly because they are also suffering immensely themselves.

The victims of the worst narc abuse also have to live double lives in order to be accepted. Because society is conditioned to go along with the topnarcs lies.

Most of we Americans are victims of mass narcissistic abuse and are flying monkeys as well. In a nutshell.

Ugh! Debilitating

Precisely. It’s very common and how this simple fact can be over looked is beyond me. The know exactly what they are doing!

@@col2959 they absolutely do. hence the smirk when they have are verbally and emotionally destroying you. they know

​@@FindYourFreeI've had one guy try and do exactly that to me once and ran. Why do people see it and don't tho? Because when you see it, there is no doubt.

They clearly know how they will be judged for, for instance, raging at their young kids. So they do it behind closed doors. BUT they think that somehow, they are RIGHT to rage at their kids. Since they think they’re the victims. My father used to tell me and my brother that he “was a slave to his father and now a slave to his children. When will it be MY turn?!?” Said this when I was young, maybe 9 or 10 years old.

Narcissistics Personality Disorder is a real mental illness and I ve been observing a couple in this way for a very long time....They get just more and more evil!Their perception is extremely distorted!

They are fully aware of what they do but they do not care. Just as you try and live as a healthy human being they also have the opportunity to do so. Forgive them for they do not know what they do. At the same time educate them for what they do. If they do not listen dust your hands and feet and take care of yourself. Wishing you all the best

@@desouzarm They aren't fully aware, but only somewhat. I think mine was lower on the spectrum of it. He knew and felt a lot of shame at times. He knew the difference between right and wrong, but his impulses compelled him. The lying and cheating are what drove me to end it after 10 years.

Same

​@@saintejeannedarc9460SAME

​@@saintejeannedarc9460If we're honest with ourselves, it's hard to say whether or not they are aware. Because evil and ignorance actually look identical in this context..

Thanks, and thanks for watching.

Me too. Afraid of ex and family members who learned Dads behaviour. Is it nature or nuture? But its there.

I'm so feeling your comment.. the ongoing trauma for you that led to the current " splitting " is exacerbated beyond tolerance by the inability to reconnect to your loved one by their refusal to acknowledge anything good or lovable in you, and their revision of your shared history leaves you alienated and alone in a relationship that has no purpose and has never been to them worthy of the effort, love and pain you have endured validating it.. another truly " dark night of the soul "

I didnt see it.. Until I married.

Yes Dark night of the soul. Life is good now... The darkness has lifted somewhat. And each day gets better.

I saw mine as the enemy when he was lying and cheating and told him so. He's been out for 6 months because the lying and cheating continued.

I can completely relate to what your saying. I experienced the same thing with my ex gf. She went full on rage towards me, I moved out the flat for safety reasons. The next time I went to fetch my staff. She acted like nothing happened. She was all dressed up , make up and everything...I jus ignored her. Which made her even more angry. 😅

it would not benefit him to admit it

He sounds like a psychopath to me. Might be a malignant subtype?

😂which is another thing they do.My ex would invite his almost ex gf .and let her hit on him in front of me, but mainly behind my back ..Everytime including the time I told him i m leaving+ its over, would insist I m angry at her I told him 😮 I m not at all angry at her bcoz it's your responsibility to not allow it .. + you keep inviting her ,and dont even admit it happenns. . He d repeat , 🤨you are angry at her,why don't you go argue with her. [ ....Thats your house .you should show her. (lol 😂😂the audacity)] 😶I ve got nothing against her, i m angry at you 🤨No,you are angry at her i get it

Very few people with NPD even have a diagnosis. I wonder when people claim "my ex with NPD did this" what diagnosis they actually qualify for & is that the ONLY diagnosis they qualify for. I suspect, dispite what people claim, that the partner is the one labeling them with NPD. Beyond that, it's always sad to see someone with any mental health issue, particularly something like Bipolar paint other SMI with a broad brush. I can't even count the times I've read posts with sentiments akin to: "My ex with Bipolar did xyz... RUN".

I've been living this proposed advice for the past five years. Drama is at a minimum, and I have trained myself to think before I act every time. I've noticed that people REALLY respect someone who thinks before they speak!

@@AlastorTheNPDemon -- yeah, sometimes a change in environment can go a long way :-)

Narcs have a short fuse.

NPD love disorder & chaos from my experience.

@@attractarattigan3574 -- Yes, that's a major roadblock, for sure. Although, it's like any addiction... At the bottom it's more about the adrenaline & the feeling of it. Obviously, to get better, even before going to therapy, there has to be a glimmer of insight in the NPD person... that something's not right with me, and that I need to reassess my life. Even if it's just a tiny glimmer of insight. The same is true w addictions... some people do get better, but a glimmer of insight has to appear before the process can get started, sadly. Even more sadly, many people who start the path of insight often end up relapsing. So, for sure, it's a serious issue (that NPD people are sort of adapted & habituated to the turmoil of toxicity). Sucks... but all we can do is try to spread awareness where we can, and to improve the general understanding that exists in society in general.

It proves they are aware their actions are deemed evil and hurtful by society and that they have the capacity to not give in to their harmful behavior when it is in their best interest

Or it just proves that they dont care because they have a mental disorder but to survive they act a certain way in certain circumstances. Doesn't mean they understand their behavior is wrong.@@mindfulmagnates

​@@everett8610 when "they act in a certain way" in public and switch at home, they know what they're doing When they isolate you from your loved ones so you have no support system one the abuse starts, they know what they're doing. Call it a mental illness, personality disorder, whatever you want, it doesn't change the fact they're aware. They know they are insecure and hate when people figure it out, hence the rage. They enjoy breaking you piece by piece because that's the only way for them to feel good about themselves, and they know it's wrong because they get furious if you dare speak about it to others. They know the difference between right or wrong, but think it doesn't apply to them. I could go on all day bringing up examples from personal experience, but sufice to say, the narc I've been living with for over a decade, outright told me he knows what he's doing, that he uses people for different needs and doesn't care about them otherwise... and if I don't like it "there's the door" (another power play of his cause of course I cannot leave) Like others said, it's like dealing with a spoiled toddler who knows that screaming and manipulating gets them exactly what they want.... But the difference is, if this "toddler" gets real angry with you, you're risking your life.

Agree 💯 %

The same way a depressed person who doesn't get out of bed to take care of their responsibilities doesn't care about their life or loved ones? Or the way a person with OCD doesn't care about their family because they insist and pressure them to do compulsion's and reassure them even though they know it's harming them? The same way a drug addict will lie and steal from their families to feed their habit even though they are filled with self loathing about it? I get there is a line where people need to do what's best for them and have boundaries, but ALL people with mental health disorder's need compassion. You don't need to take on the personal responsibly of helping them, but to spread the narrative that they're evil or its a character flaw when someone is actually unwell is part of the problem in terms of empowering the suffering to seek help. It's not easy to be mature about it, put your hurts aside and see it without judgement, but it's what's necessary in healing. The least everyone could do is not make it worse by making NPD/ other personalities disorders seem worse in nature. All people with mental health problems impact people around them negatively. At times, all people impact people around them negatively.

Thanks for watching.

Indeed. While in other videos they are mostly described as total monsters devoid of any humanity (they can sometimes fall that low though if they possess a high level of sociopathy), this guy provides a more objective and fair overview of the personality disorder. Although they can do a lot of harm to people around them and most of the time the best course of action is to stay away, it's good to understand that most are simply mentally ill and broken individuals who, deep inside, also suffer and are very unhappy. Those who look for it, deserve a chance to heal and redeem themselves if they can.

Perfectly said Carl. Agreed!

@@Sextus70 Yeah, like how are we supposed to identify these people in our lives when characterizations are all we have to go with

If you change your behavior based on where yiu are and the people you talk to, then you know what you are doing.

@col2959 - As I've said elsewhere, the point of this video is not to suggest that narcissists are completely unaware of their own behavior, as though they were stumbling around in a dark room. That would be absurd. The point is to emphasize that pathological narcissism is a mental illness, and mental illnesses impact perception. Perception influences behavior. Basically, people with pathological narcissism and NPD often rely on a defense called splitting. Splitting creates separate silos or islands of perception. When in one self-state, the person may view themselves, others, circumstances, and relationships one way. When in a different self-state, they may have vastly different perceptions. Perception influences behavior. The self that relates to family members may be vastly different than the self that relates to a boss. Just because someone can code switch and behave professionally toward a boss, or sit nicely at a fancy restaurant, doesn't exclude the possibility that they are mentally ill. Narcissists often project their unwanted qualities onto those around them. This is caused by underlying confusion in the personality between self and others. They are more likely to have this confusion when it comes to people with whom they are very close and comfortable. They are far less likely to have this confusion with a boss or stranger they are first meeting. They are likely to default to "professional" or "polite" communication with such a figure, even if they were moments ago in the throes of an angry tirade toward a family member. Additionally, narcissists have impaired self-esteem. They rely on those around them to 'puff up' or improve their self-image. They accomplish this by ingratiating themselves toward those who have status or people that they admire. This often translates to flattering behavior toward a boss or someone with high status, while they may be dismissive or devaluing toward those who are close to them.

it's a specific formula - they are all text book how can this be and why heavy religion in every one i've dealt with

Envy is a central affect in pathological narcissism and NPD. The individual often envies the happiness, togetherness, or richness of other people’s lives. They strive to be the center of attention because of preoccupations with self-worth.

@@healnpd What about the gaslighting tactics? Those are obviously strategies for getting power/control/the upper hand in any situation and have nothing to do with lack of self-worth. They like to play the victim card, but the real goal is to deprive those they pray upon of joy, self-esteem and everything they like, except for the narc, of course. And after they reach this goal and destroy that person's life , they discard it also in order to complete theirs evil plan. There are so many documented cases when people are discarded after 30 years and they can barely pick up the pieces of theirs lives. In my opinion, these narcs are lucid criminals of humanity, they know exactly what buttons to push in order to maximise theirs selfish gains and reduce the others to zero .

I made a video discussing gaslighting.

@@healnpd Whom we defend may backfire at us

I’m not aware of defending anyone. I’m interested in disseminating accurate information and realistic portrayals of a mental illness. To the extent that the perception of narcissism is warped and skewed by misleading and stigmatizing information online, my content probably seems like a defense or apology for the inexcusable. But that’s only because people are so misinformed about what pathological narcissism actually is. I am careful to point out that it sometimes involves mistreatment and abusive treatment of others. I also advise all persons (those with NPD included), to take personal responsibility for their actions and their mental health.

I agree that all the adverse youtube videos may colour your view too much but the message still is to avoid this person for your own good, sadly. In the end whether they are aware or not they will harm you, possibly very badly. That is the crux of the matter. I adored my narc but came to understand why she made me feel so bad. I thought I would become physically ill too. Lucky for me her view of me started out as “All good” but changed to “All bad” and she then moved on. She actually said she was a high level narcissist and seemed proud of it. I was 70, she was 60 with a string of failed relationships….she said they mostly just petered out.

Thanks for watching.

My mom concern trolled me once. She called me with an audience on her end and put on her best voice tremble. I didn’t buy it and asked her who she was performing for. Instantly, her audience wanted to comfort her because of her compassion less child. She is a child counselor that should never have been allowed contact with children. Foster kids would report sexual abuse to her and she refused to report it. When confronted, she was the victim. I don’t expect therapists to admit they’ve been duped by those with NPD. Unfortunately, I know far too many that should be diagnosed themselves.

Incredibly well said! One of the most precise breakdowns I've ever read 👏👏👏💔💔🫶

Very well said and on point to the tee, they all act the same, I think there’s more to it then simply mental health issues, Dominic seems to fit, all from one person the devil horns not included

You are justified to be angry and it's part of the 5 stages of grief. It's healthier for you to get through those stages to acceptance and then forgiveness. This will bring you peace. If you get peaceful and healthy, that's the freedom to treat yourself better and not fall back into an abusive caretaker relationship again.

This was helpful. I can relate in some sense. Hope you're doing well.

🤗 Thanks. It means a lot to know that you feel helped.

@athinav.5995 - As has been clarified multiple times in these comments, no one is presenting pwNPD as “completely oblivious.” The video title places quotes around “know what they’re doing” for a reason. It is a response to the argument that pwNPD *always* know the harm caused by their actions - that they can see it just as clearly as you and that they do it *intentionally* to cause harm because they are sadistic. This video makes the uncontroversial argument that people with mental illnesses are mentally ill. Mental illness causes distortions in perceptions, thoughts, and images of the self and other people. It causes changes in behavior that are disruptive to the person and those around them. That’s what mental illness means. You can’t have mental illness without accompanying mental changes and distortions. It’s why NPD is a mental illness and not just a collection of unlikable or aggressive traits as many here seem to believe.

@@healnpd The NPDs might be/are mentally ill. However some of them (covert ones?) can be behind the closed doors malignant, hurtfull, almost evil, by doing planned and deliberate harm by let say omision, passive agressive deeds, manipulations, witholding information, deliberately creating chaos and confusion, destroying other person's items 'by mistake', devaluation, witholding care, help and compassion when the other person is ill, smear campaigns, lying, ... It’s an unhuman mess to live with such NPD person, who is regarded as 'nice' by the outside world. Not all NPD's are 'evil'. Some however are deliberatelyvery very harmful to the 'loved ones'. My experience was that the grandiose one did a loooot of harm to his family, couse he could not help himself... but the covert one was (covertly) deliberately hurtfull, passive agressive and mean. You can not 'forgive' the deliberate malevolence...

This is very much the challenge. 🌈⭐️

You can set multiple boundaries and they are adept at slipping round them every time.

@@thrivingnow7395 This is true. What Ben at Raw Motivations says about boundaries is so key. Boundaries are for you. They are your own internal marker that you set for yourself. To impose and tell them to others is more setting rules and regulations. That really helped.

1) most narcissists aren't abusive; 2) are you sure your parents were narcissists, and not just abusers? (perhaps sadistic or psychopaths?) 3) the video didn't say that you should've tolerated any abuse. It quite explicitly said that abuse should be not tolerated, by anyone and from anyone.

When does it stop being narcissism and start being psycopathy or sadism? I think this is the problem with the term 'narcissist' - it's being used to describe any appalling behaviour, when in fact it is a term used to describe a much narrower set of behaviours.

@TH Exactly.

Susan, This is how I handle it. I call the sadistic ones narcissist/psychopaths. Here on KZfaq the psychologists simply term the cruel ones narcissists. It’s like they’re using the term narcissist as an umbrella term. But they are talking about the cruel sadistic ones. These are the ones that we are complaining about. We’re not complaining about the mild ones.

Rv706, Yes, you should get away from a narcissist/psychopath but she was five years old. Here’s another problem people raised in this environment are trained to take this bizarre behavior as normal then when they become adults, they usually marry someone with these traits. So, the suggestion is to leave but here’s the problem: A person is slowly acclimated to the abuse. Once they realize, hey this isn’t right, they try to rationalize with the abuser to solve problems only that won’t work like it would between two neurotipicals. Instead, the narcissist/psychopath will behave for a while. Then what happens is cycles happens; cognitive dissonance happens, being in a fog, low self esteem, low self worth, possibly suicidal. Eventually a person will find out what went on and do further research into understanding what had happened to them and they will be angry about it. They will remember when the Narcissist/psychopath was deliberate and they will be further angered about that, bad mouth them and all of those types and want to warn the world so as not to have to go through the same experience.

I’ve replied to this rebuttal a few times elsewhere in the comments. I’ve pasted two of those replies below: @Amber C - This video is not attempting to draw a black and white, all-or-nothing distinction when it comes to self-awareness. I am not making the claim that pwNPD have no idea what they are doing as though they were stumbling around in a dark room. There are many ways that we might talk about awareness of one’s actions. To use a crude analogy: five year-olds know that they are breaking a rule when they grab a cookie from the cookie jar when nobody is looking. But do they really understand why they shouldn’t do that? Is their rule-breaking a studied choice, or a muddled combination of incomplete understanding of rules, low control over their impulses, and age-appropriate short-sightedness? On one level, you could say “they waited until no one was looking, so they know what they are doing.” And, to some extent, you’d be correct. But you’d also be missing important nuance. To bring it back to NPD, most people with this disorder are relatively high functioning members of society. They have mostly mastered simple social behavior like sitting nicely in a fancy restaurant, being deferential to police officers, smiling and being polite to strangers at the store, etc. Just because someone can appropriately code switch in this basic way does NOT mean that they have a high level of insight into their behavior. They may still have distorted perceptions of their important relationships based on projection and other psychological mechanisms. They may have low impulse control - just enough to keep it together when others are around but not enough to cope with their strong feelings effectively. As with many forms of mental illness, the reality is a complicated mish-mash of limited self-awareness, compromised coping, contextual dysfunction, distorted perception, and dysregulated mood and behavior. @col2959 - As I've said elsewhere, the point of this video is not to suggest that narcissists are completely unaware of their own behavior, as though they were stumbling around in a dark room. That would be absurd. The point is to emphasize that pathological narcissism is a mental illness, and mental illnesses impact perception. Perception influences behavior. Basically, people with pathological narcissism and NPD often rely on a defense called splitting. Splitting creates separate silos or islands of perception. When in one self-state, the person may view themselves, others, circumstances, and relationships one way. When in a different self-state, they may have vastly different perceptions. Perception influences behavior. The self that relates to family members may be vastly different than the self that relates to a boss. Just because someone can code switch and behave professionally toward a boss, or sit nicely at a fancy restaurant, doesn't exclude the possibility that they are mentally ill. Narcissists often project their unwanted qualities onto those around them. This is caused by underlying confusion in the personality between self and others. They are more likely to have this confusion when it comes to people with whom they are very close and comfortable. They are far less likely to have this confusion with a boss or stranger they are first meeting. They are likely to default to "professional" or "polite" communication with such a figure, even if they were moments ago in the throes of an angry tirade toward a family member. Additionally, narcissists have impaired self-esteem. They rely on those around them to 'puff up' or improve their self-image. They accomplish this by ingratiating themselves toward those who have status or people that they admire. This often translates to flattering behavior toward a boss or someone with high status, while they may be dismissive or devaluing toward those who are close to them.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate that. I am new to your channel and don’t yet fully understand your views on this subject, but will definitely reflect on them. It’s always nice to see things through a different perspective.

​ The example with the child taking a forbiden cookie... 🍪 NPD is not 'taking the cookie'. He is throwing the cookie into your face, when no one is looking. 😂

Stop dating damaged people. You like the bad boys because you love the drama and chaos. Try dating a nice guy that you friend zoned

You need to break up with that guy. You're just replacing one abuser (father) with another abuser (criminal boyfriend). That's a dangerous game you're playing.

She needs to come to terms with her own decisions herself. If she decides that's what's best she will do it, I'm sure.

@Walterbenny4099 - I hate to say this, but read the comments. All of your points have been addressed, some multiple times. Thanks for watching!

I honestly didn't realise how much I was hurting my ex I knew something was wrong I was trying to figure it out as I knew my moods weren't right I kept thinking am I normal am I too sarcastic I didn't realise until he asked for a break I have hurt everyone I would rather be dead I keep hurting people I don't know why

@@CassandraSchuback-ro9qhI don't think that you have NPD as your actions are not intentionally meant to hurt others in order to glorifying yourself. You may have a mood disorder or BPD. Talk to your general practitioner about a diagnosis and treatment options.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. But that’s okay. I can answer any questions you may have. You think we do…. What…intentionally? I can explain In excruciating details for you from my own experience about how I was not doing it intentionally. It looks like it, that much I can’t deny.

Yea they do but they have mentality of an 8 yr old

It seems you can find self reporting narcissists that will say the same - and people are all so different, and their trauma's are different. A lot of other specialists in this area also talk about the motivations and that they do intend to hurt you - in the way a toddler intends to hurt you, guilt you, be the victim. There is a component of delusion as well. in the things they think people are doing to them. In a lot of ways it feels like there is agreement here. I have seen Dr Ramani talk and she is careful about discussing which forms of narcissism she is talking about and the her perspective is based on the people she has worked with.

They are aware but will never take accountability is my feeling.

Yep. The closest my mom ever got to admitting was “I do things that I just can’t remember” and yet she can be adamant she never did it when called out. 🤷‍♀️

My ex told me, she knew that she was mean to me. But she didn't know why. At least she knew her behaviour and that it was unacceptable. And I guess she did not even care for the "why" because of her entitlement. "When I'm doing it it must be justified". And if that would be enough to be incapable of guilt...

Women, in general, are far more conscious of what they do and why they do it than men are. Consider this, though: a woman who is says mean things to her husband because she wants to make him feel bad, and knows full well that this what’s happening, vs a man who spends all day playing video games, watching people have sex on his phone, and otherwise ignoring her, but has no idea that he’s doing anything wrong. Say they’re a couple. Who is the bigger victim?

Thanks for letting me know.

My experience too.

DITTO!!

I personally am not harmed by this expert. I like to look at all sides as, I assume, everyone else here does or they wouldn’t be here. But I concur wholeheartedly with disagreeing that “they don’t know or can’t control what they are doing.” Not only do they control it so well not to do it in front of authority figures, or in a social setting, or with someone they are trying to win over; but they also are able to flip the scenario and say that you actually did or said that very thing to them! I used to live in the mentality “she can’t help it.” Then I realized, they not only CAN help it, but they also INTENTIONALLY use it to control and manipulate those others who are around. Quite honestly, it’s nothing short of evil. If I had come to my senses before now, one I dealt with for 54 years would be in jail because some of what was done was criminal. Wow! Just typing this response has fired me up. They know precisely what they are doing is evil. They choose who and when to unleash it on so they will not be held accountable by the law, society, family members or authority figures. Evil. Perhaps this expert has never seen a good one and the ones he’s treated has truly been mental cases who acted out in front of everyone.

@@nowyouknowrealestate5703 Right, the one’s I’ve come across are super in control of just how they abuse select people behind the scenes and more select people all the time as well over and over and over, they know they can likely get away with mentally etc abusing😹🔮🕵🏻‍♀️Might even take an extremely great psychic to entirely unmask them and their shit🤣🤷‍♀️✅🥳

It takes being a long term victim of somebody with NPD, then learning about NPD for the first time, your own personal co-dependency’s, the horrors of financial damage they cause, years of family law court battles, and the love heartbreak, to truly understand these monsters. It may be a mental disorder, but it’s not enough of an excuse. They know exactly the wicked, devilish things that they do. The average therapist or mental health expert is no match.

As a person with NPD disorder I must ask why you attribute all your childhood injury to NPD, when you said that your mom had BPD? They're two separate diagnosis. Also, your siblings have been officially diagnosed by a therapist as to having NPD? Or you guess that's their disorder? I ask this because many people attribute NPD to anybody with mental health issues, who registers high on narcissistic tenancies or anyone with malignant behaviour. What's incredibly triggering for sufferers of NPD is the vast swathe of pop culture, social media 'gurus' who make big coin off people who've been victimised by mentally ill people and who blanket label them all as NPD sufferers. This whole area needs strict regulating. This channel actually speaks facts and is so helpful for us NPD sufferers, we can learn, manage and heal in a space where nobody is gaslighting us by telling us that we're responsible for all the evils of the world. I hope you find healing and peace and I also hope you learn here how this disorder is also an early infancy trauma response with many sufferers who don't leave trails of destruction within society.

@tommywhite4553 Maybe you’d be doing better in your life is you weren’t wallowing in your own victimhood, watching KZfaq videos about NPD and writing paragraphs on why someone who’s considered an expert is wrong and you - a guy who grew up with UNDIAGNOSED narcissistic family members. My mum was also diagnosed with BPD and she a lovely albeit unstable care giver.

Sure, if that’s your experience. PwNPD can be very interpersonally provocative. They can also be emotionally coercive. There is a phenomenon called projective identification that involves projecting a feeling onto someone and treating them in such a way that it provokes an identification with the projected feeling in the person. For example, someone might project their own angry feelings onto you and then treat you like you are angry with them until you actually become angry. Some version of this occurs in many personality disorders.

@@healnpd believe me, I want to believe the best about him even to this day, seven years after the end. I believe he was wounded as a child. I was also seriously wounded as a child by several people with narcissistic traits, but I would never be capable of doing such harm to another person as he did to me. I think that is why I was so confused in the relationship for so long. Thanks for your videos, and thanks for your reply. There are so many broken people, including myself. It is very sad and discouraging.

I didn’t see your whole first comment, just the first paragraph. To respond to the rest of your comment, I do not mean to imply that pwNPD are not capable of malicious behavior, merely that perception of the circumstances is often distorted such that they incorrectly believe aggressive or devaluing behavior is warranted. They may also misperceive their own intentions or the consequences of their behaviors in such a way that the actual effects are minimized or denied.

@@healnpd after I left, the ensuing years gave me time to remember and reflect and process. I do think he believed his cruelty was warranted. But I must ask...what kind of person can think that persistent, long-term cruelty toward another human being is "warranted?" The kind of person that doesn't want to be the one who leaves, but wants to be left, perhaps? There could have been a few different motives regarding that particular. As far as misperceiving his own intentions or the consequences, I feel sure that his intentions were clear to himself. I think he knew he was working to discard me. Some of the final consequences were not, however, what he had aimed for, I think. He did not escape unscathed.

A.Nightingale, I read your comment three times. That guy was simply bullying you. So picture two siblings. The bully is finished with his homework, the brother is not. They’re both sitting at the table. The bully sees you quietly working at your homework. He’s bored. He’s also accustomed to beating you physically five times a day because it gives him sadistic pleasure. It makes him feel bigger inside and gives him a dopamine hit. So he’s bored and begins to jolt the table to distract your concentration. You say, stop it, knock it off! He laughs and keeps doing it. It turns into a physical fight, on the floor. Now, this is what these sadists would really love to do. These types I call narcissist/psychopaths. They have a sadistic bent to them. So what happens to them is that they grow up and learn that that’s assault and they can go to jail. So they don’t beat you physically no more, they do it mentally. So your boyfriend was trying to get a rise out of you. They also, often times need to, “ win “ or gain control to get their way and will deliberately use tactics to those ends. Sometimes they will want to punish you for not doing what they want. So they can be deliberate. Dr. Ettensohn wrote you a comment. I don’t understand what he is talking about but I know that he’s got a video on it. I only know this small amount about projection. I can use my sister as an example. She always freaked out on, time. She had the need to hurry up and do what you need to do in life to become successful like college, like buy a house by the age of thirty and not to waste time but diligently work to gain those goals. Well she was feeling like a looser inside. She was feeling stressed out that time was passing her by and she wasn’t meeting these goals. So this is how she projected onto me. She would berate me saying, don’t you want to go to college? Don’t you want to make something of yourself? You’re just a looser, don’t you want to stop being a looser? She kept saying, look at the time, look at the time! Getting me all anxious. After about three experiences of this, I finally said, those aren’t my goals. That’s not my concern. Quit making me stress over the clock ticking. So she stopped projecting ( this isn’t even severe projection. It might not even count as projection so I’m going to have to give another example ) that onto me but would often just outwardly vocalize her worry about time passing by and it would stress me out. So here’s a better example of projection. I had a male acquaintance friend who thought he was ugly. I did not know him that well so I stayed silent. My point is he was getting sulky. So then he says something to me that sounds like something his mother would say to him. So I’ll just say, she kept telling him, you’re no good, but that’s not what he said, I can’t remember what he said. It was something that was not true to me. Ok how about a thief. That’s not true to me. It was like he was repeating what his mother said to him but accusing me of it. That’s your classic projection. Usually you get accused of something that’s not you, it’s not your character and now you have to defend yourself. So typically when they’re projecting, they’re getting something off of their chest and putting it onto you. Then they get a release from it. They feel better. But just for that moment, it doesn’t last. It’s a maladaptive way to deal with inner emotions that they can’t get rid of so they accuse you of it, watch your reaction of defense and pain and your pain makes them feel better. That’s a type of sadism. So, my sister hardly ever did it until I found out what narcissism was and started to challenge her. She used her own maladaptive, “ play book” ways as a tool to hurt me. I read up on projection once. Everybody does it. So say you’re a good person and you believe in good and expect the world to be good so when you go out on a walk and you say hello to a passer-by you are comfortable in your environment. You expect the other person to be good and so project goodness out of you and onto him. If you were paranoid you might show paranoid behavior which may project onto the stranger and the stranger may decide... nope that’s not working it’s gotta be more. You gotta do something to make that person feel paranoid. Do you see how hard it is for a normal person to do something like this? I can’t even hardly come up with an example. So you don’t even have to feel exactly what they feel, you just have to feel disturbed. ( actually rereading this I can come up with how it works. I feel good. I give a nice smile and hello to the passer-by, they may absorb that good cheer and feel it and happily give it back. I have this feeling that I still don’t get to ) Well there’s another aspect to it, lol. Apparently the things that they accuse you of, is the things they are inside. That just blows my mind because my sister recently did this and I wouldn’t think that she was those things. She puts on a mask of sanity. But, one time, at age 48 she told me that she had an epiphany. That she was evil inside. I laughed. I thought she was joking. She talked about it some more and I just laughed. She said, no, seriously. So I begged her not to be evil. There was more to the conversation but basically she felt that she should live up to her true nature. So god only knows what that means, lol. I know she’s sadistic. I know that’s in her nature. But she seems normal though too. So Dr. Ettensohn said that your boyfriend was projecting onto you. But in a way that I don’t know about. It seemed like Dr. Ettensohn was saying that it was a way for your boyfriend to have a personality exchange with you. That’s too deep for my understanding. Sometimes they don’t like your calmness. They don’t like it that you’re in peace. I’ve also heard that they like chaos. And so will deliberately cause chaos. Sorry I wrote so much. I guess I’m in the mood. Maybe you can look back at that memory and think if something else was going on like maybe a fight from the night before or you made him mad the day before and he’s still agitated over it and messing with you.

Glad it was helpful.

The channel BorderlinerNotes is geared towards people with BPD but it also has a few great interviews with other psychologists who treat NPD and see the disorder from an empathetic/compassionate lens. It's the only other resource I found before HealNPD came on the scene.

I agree.

I think *sometimes* it's a subconscious awareness. I mean it's not consciously acknowledged that he *knows* he won't "get away with" behaviors in general company. He hides to be accepted, but isn't conscious of it. But with you, well, he's far beyond being able to fool you anymore. It's all completely predicated on how he *subconsciously* suspecta he'll be perceived by others, without considering the actual feelings of those others.

😂😂😂 yep! Right there with you. Mine controlled it so much that no one believed me for years. Too bad there wasn’t cell phones for recordings until the last decade.

Exactly. You can totally be a sadist and self centered WITHOUT being a narcissist.😊 People just love simple, misplaced labels.😅

I am a child of a narcissist , also I have encountered a few others ... all of them seem to take great pride in being an asshole and endeavor to be best that they can .... lthey also had to crash parties , as they were never invited ... garce

I feel terrible I knew I was down and something was wrong realising I abused my ex and then caused a smesr campaign I don't know what happened I just became irrational not thinking of the consequences I feel like being dead cause all I do is hurt others and I feel bad for the hurt I caused but I keep causing the hurt I hate myself

I honestly didn't realise the hurt I was causing him till it was too late I wish I told him how I was feeling and got help earlier I wish he asked me to get help at least told me I was hurting him

Precisely ! Hopefully the good Doctor, who most likely has very limited real life experience with NPD , gives this indisputable truth deep consideration and reevaluate his interesting position

What they are doing they know can be perceived as wrong. However, in their mind they don't believe it's wrong because they feel entitled and feel they are justly punishing you. In their minds whenever you say truths that shatter their delusions, they perceive as intentional attack to hurt them. Whether your statements are true or false is irrelevant because they are convinced you actual intention was simply to make them feel bad. In short, they are delusional.

It is a mental illness, doesn't matter what you believe

I do feel bad he did that to you but not everyone with the disorder is like your brother. the DSM specifically left out the more vulnerable parts of the disorder in the criteria which is critical for understanding the disorder and makes it impossible to understand the borderline-functioning narcissists. narcissism has many different presentations, have you heard of Frank E. Yeomans? he has a lecture posted on KZfaq where he describes how to treat narcissistic clients and how their brain works in more detail than this guy did here. Can a narcissist be self-aware they are being abusive? Yes, because abusive people can be in any mental disorder, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't care for anyone with NPD at all. there are higher rates of depression, higher rates of substance abuse, higher rates of having another cluster b personality disorder like histrionic or anti-social, higher rates of abuse happening in their childhoods, and even higher rates of lethal suicide! the reason most narcissists deny they did anything wrong is due to black-and-white thinking, if they did something wrong that does not fit into their view of their ideal ego ( there is no separation between the ideal ego and the normal ego, if they want to do that then they have basically already done it. sure it can make them feel happy and confident but it makes them more sensitive to criticism since it breaks their sense of self. if that ideal ego is broken then they are nothing) and it ends up being true that they did something wrong then that means they are not perfect, if they are not perfect that means they are horrible, worthless, a monster, and waste of space, etc etc. people with NPD aren't good with extremely negative emotions like shame, anger, despair or fear so they will often project these feelings of shame, anger, fear unto others to keep themselves together. fulfil i think we should care for people who feel like they either have to dismiss, attack, or perform to others to have a sense of self, no? sure, they may seem stable due to this way of defending themselves, but most are isolated and unable to connect to anyone due to their fear of being not perfect and their impossible standards, towards others. why should we not care for these people?

@@lunarlunar9405 I get what you are saying however, I don't really care what the diagnostic criteria are or the definitions, I know a mean person when I see them and having been raised in it as a child and contended with it all my life from time to time I know when to remove them from my life for my own protection. As long as we remain with people with narcissistic tendencies our spiritual and emotional growth will be stunted. We must move on to become independent of them. Also the stress level causes physical problems, they must be avoided whether or not they have been diagnosed according to specific rules.

@@gwendolynwehage6336 i never said that we should rely on them, i dont think anyone should rely so heavily on another for their own sense of self in the first place since that usually leads to abuse. what i am saying is even if you cant deal with a narcissist and have to leave that doesnt make them people who cant get better or people who dont have a mental disorder, mental disorders arent this whole you either have the vitcim mental disorder or you have the abuser one. what im saying is i do think someone can be a good person and have narcissism, its gonna take alot therapy almost all the time and alot of time but i dont think a diagnosis is the end all be all of someone morally wise. ive seen narcissists be self aware, be willing to listen to vitcims who were abused by narcissists and want to not let their narcissism control their entire life im wary of people using the word narcissism so liberally, even if the dsm does not describe it right it is still a very very rare disorder. i dont think its safe to call every abuser a narcissist, i think its misunderstanding most abusers movitations and also ends up leading to narcissists not wanting to get treatment since that is a death sentence. diana diamond treated a borderline narcissist paitent who was molseted by her father, i want people like this and even high functioning narcissists to get help and treating narcissism like it always means abuse wont solve anything in our society, if a narcissist is aware of being abusive and doesnt care then i do think its safe to avoid them since neither of us are therapists who can help them, but thats not the case with every single narcissist. heck, even avoiding a unself aware abusive narcissist is completely fine to me but what im asking here is not having to play therapist with every narcissist you meet, im asking for people to acknowledge this is a mental disorder. sorry if it sounds like im justifing narcissists abusing others, im not. im just wishing people understood their framework of mind since for almost all of them, narcissism is the only cope they have for their problems. my mom has ptsd and she has said exteremly horrible things to me before because she is not truly in the conversation, shes arguring in what she thinks is happening in the conversation; alot of narcissists are like this too. i dont expect your average joe to be able to deal with most narcissists, but i dont want people to completely misunderstand why the people in the disorder are the way that they are. alot of people with mental disorders are abusive or toxic and i feel like only acknowledging this fact with a few mental disorders that are hated by the media is very offputting. you dont have to deal and stay with a bad person, but i think someone can be a good person and have narcissism, they just need therapists who actually can treat them

I agree lunarlunar, that people can change but only if Christ changes them on the inside. People can only change their behavior but if there is not a heart change on the inside they will slip back into their old selves. Even if someone is able to change behavior on the outside for a lifetime they will still not go to heaven without Christ. I have seen some people with narcissistic tendencies change because Christ changed them but full-blown narcissists usually do not change because it is too difficult to keep up a pretense when the heart has not been changed by Christ.

@Maat TheCat - If what you say is true, and she would have loved my channel, then I hope she finds it. Lots of people find it helpful. 😊

You're welcome. Thanks for watching. :)

The person to whom you refer likely has multiple diagnoses. NPD is not typically treated with medication.

@@healnpd it’s a male and their is low grade depression and anxiety. It is more so used as a relaxant. This person was in therapy with someone who specialises in personality disorders, to no change. Indeed comorpidity is likely very likely yes.

@@healnpd he would be more on the covert side as such. Particularly violent when threatened and so the meds help to take the edge off.

@@healnpd my mother was the same started therapy didn’t like what she heard and left and never went back. She knew when to abuse and when to turn on the charm for others. Also highly allergic to the word sorry.

@@healnpd it’s very difficult to be empathetic when you suffered massive abuse at the hands of a narcissist. I’m dysfunctional and a recovering codependent but I never would abuse. My mother was very happy too.

Not a bad idea for a future episode!

Re 1), it can't be controlled if they aren't aware of what they dealing w/. I'm sure that's why you qualified w/ "generally". I think you're right on 2) as well. People are ultimately responsible for their actions, and they can learn to cope better. I did not find the derisive ones satisfying at all. It helped a bit in the beginning to feel validated for what I went through w/ them, but it's too unhealthy to see myself as a victim. I find this kind of channel much more refreshing. I knew there had to be a better viewpoint than the usual Dr. Ramani stance. What is it that you are looking for if you find neither satisfying? I can understand not wanting to go back to a place where you enable them to hurt you some more because of misplaced compassion. That's not what a channel like this leads me to.

Amen. I’d bet if they were held accountable a few times, it would decrease their tendency to lose control.

@@nowyouknowrealestate5703 I don't know what the key in therapy is to getting them to take accountability? I've heard it relies on a trusting relationship w/ their therapist. NPD does seem to be a disorder based on not being able to trust, so they have all these harmful defense mechanisms. That's if I'm starting to understand even the basics of what is at the root of it.

​​@@saintejeannedarc9460'm sorry it has taken over a month to see your comment. Your thoughts gave me pause to reflect upon mine. We don't disagree, though we see the same thing from two different lenses. Before I answer your question, I'll share something I learned from experience. When I was studying Japanese tea ceremony, my teacher shared a thought with me that was very profound and life altering... "The most difficult thing to master is simplicity..." That's the ballgame. Right there. Simplicity. When we become expert at things, we have a tendency to shroud ourselves in nomenclature and other esoteric fare. Such things, while they validate and project our expertise and wisdom, create distance between the examiner and the phenomena being examined. So it is with clinicians, of which this channel's creator asserts himself as being. I listened to this video again, to see if I felt the same way as I did when I originally commented. I did notice some slight nuanced shifts in how I experienced this content. It sounded far more cogent that before - maybe that has to do with the clarity I gained over time. That said, I still feel the creator being a bit distant from the problem on the ground. I do feel that I have a richer understanding of the phenomenon of NPD. But I don't feel this content advances any meaningful sense of "oneness" between myself and the cluster b phenomenon I am exploring. The complexity - or lack of simplicity - maintains a bit of separation. This is less than satisfying for me. Ironically, the most significant shift I experienced watching cluster b content online came while watching Sam Vaknin's presentation of the false self and shared fantasy. That's when I could truly feel compassion and empathy for the internal struggle faced by sufferers of cluster b disorders. And Vaknin is an unadulterated charlatan, IMHO!!! But I guess it's kinda like the principle of the hacker being the best person to set up your online security infrastructure LOL 🤣

@@BillRWare We certainly don't want to achieve any sort of oneness w/ Cluster B problems, that's for sure. If have had to deal w/ someone closely who has it, and it's left us devastated, then finding some empathy for the person w/ the disorder can help us to not take it so personally. It can soften the sting. If you found a breakthrough byway of Sam Vaknin, then so be it. I find him very obtuse and convoluted. He's obviously bright, but keeps things far more complicate than they need to be. I've never gotten any clarity from him myself, but some do. How do you find him a charlatan? He does seem to have the disorder.

Explaining something is not excusing it. People do act according to their perceptions. And while there are no excuses, there are also no solution to it except for other people on the receiving hand to have enough awareness and sense of self ( not a distorted idea that they are not worth any better) to distance themselves from anyone they deem abusive.

In this video it is literally stated that you should leave people with distorted views, cut them out of your life and say no. But sure, ignore those parts completely and focus on complaining. Talking about perception, distortion etc. ... 😂 Oh and never forget: humans are cruel, selfish and sadistic WITHOUT being a narcissist. 😌

He never said excuse anyone or anything. He broke everything down point by point however some have selective hearing .

She's playing with you. Don't even waste your attention on it. There can still be a big payoff even when she's in denial about her actions and motivations. Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism, by definition.

I can't speak for others, but what it took for me to start my journey was the internal feeling that there had to be more to life than what I was experiencing. I have been working towards my authentic self since July 2015 and I'm still working every day to be aware of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors as well as showing up to the world, which is to own the narcissistic part of me. It is incredibly unfortunate that society would rather shame the narcissistic individual, than hold a space for them to grow and change. Shame avoidance is likely why so many who struggle with this relational style don't seek change. That's why I'm so open. I want others to see that if I'm willing to be authentic without shame and seek the tools I need to relate to others differently, maybe they can too.

@@Jacquelinerenees I ran across this video, and I was hoping to find a comment from someone with your perspective. I agree completely that many of the videos online are ridiculous in their characterization of NPD sufferers as witches who should be burnt at the stake. At the same time, I think this guy's video(s) are either naive (not likely) or too biased toward a 180-degree different perspective. So I would really like to hear your perspective. I was in a relationship with someone for 15 years and learned that she has NPD. She would never admit or acknowledge as much, but based on lots of research, lots of therapy, and, most of all, uncovering a number of staggering lies, it is clear to me that NPD is the spot-on reason. I am unphased at this point as I moved on, though I have been trying to divorce her for three years to no avail. She's on her 5th attorney! So one of the most creative lies - and not near the biggest - was that in the latter third of our marriage, she was having a significant problem with her teeth. While I didn't pay enough attention to the facts at the time, I would routinely console her over this mysterious health condition where her teeth kept falling out. I would comfort her, and we would commiserate over her challenge. Sometime later, I learned that her teeth were structurally sound and that all those dental visits I paid for ($45,000) were for veneers she got. Her teeth were never falling out. I'm not sure how any individual cannot be aware that they are lying and manipulating, so I question this doctor's opinions. What are your thoughts?

@@daniela.bestos3190 First off, I think it's great that you are trying to understand the narcissistic individual in your life. As the narcissistic individual, trying to explain why I do what I do is hard for anyone who hasn't experienced life in the way I have, so any time someone can try to understand me, I appreciate it. Second, I can only explain why I would do something. If I had lied to get someone to fund something for me, it would surround a deep insecurity and shame I have around that specific topic. And the shame and insecurity sometimes makes ZERO sense to others. To outside observation, the person in question may not appear to have reason to suffer the shame and insecurities they do. But they suffer it nonetheless. The thing I love most about healNPD videos is they are focused on the why and how and not the judgement or shaming of something that we have little control over. For instance, my first thought is almost always narcissistic. That is out of my control. My brain was conditioned in this way and while I do my best not to behave in the same way I think, that comes with almost 10 years of working in that direction. I don't think it serves humanity to shame others for the ways their brain chose to protect themselves. I take full accountability for my behavior and, for many years it wasn't really in my control. Recovery for narcissistic individuals is far more complex than one might think. When I wasn't aware of the way my brain was behaving, I was simply trying to feel loved and avoid the shame I felt for being human. I wasn't taught that it was OK to have feelings or make mistakes so I cut myself off from my feelings and taking accountability for my behavior would only add to my deep core beliefs of not being good enough so I avoided it at all cost. Connecting to my feelings or the feelings of others wasn't safe.

@@daniela.bestos3190 A great way to look at it is narcissistic individuals are like children in adult bodies. If you know about children, they generally will figure out any way they can to get their needs met. They have few social or emotional skills, unless they are taught. To me, myself and other narcissistic individuals are just unskilled children in adult bodies.

Thanks for your feedback.

I love this channel ❤❤ I don't enjoy it when I hurt others on the contrary. And to my experience in that moment - when someone says something to tricker my inner child, I react quicker than I want to, usually in a verbal angry reaction. The splitting part is also familiar but it's a deeply and unhealthy coping mechanism that I learned at home and in my family - I try not to but it does happen.. The beeing aware part - I know afterwards what I've done and can apoligize but my inner dialog just keeps bashing and repeating the issue over and over.. Yoga, meditation and getting fresh air are things I can do to release some of the hurt and anger.. Thank you for beeing you Doc ❤

Are you familiar with the quote “I would not want to belong to any club that would have me as a member”? People with pathological narcissism typically only really want you when you don’t want them, because of how much they hate themselves. If you like them, that is a sign, to them, that there is something very wrong with you. Also, because they can only really feel alive when their dopamine spikes(due to a malfunction in their brain reward system), the more they have to work for something, the more valuable it becomes to them. Only temporarily, of course. This is why it is common for people with pathological narcissism to be in relationships with borderline personalities. The ups and downs are exciting to them, and the in between periods are unbearable. For people who are more healthy, they can maintain a steady level of serotonin and oxytocin, so they don’t need to rely on dopamine to feel good.

in my experience (not diagnosed but i recognize a lot of traits within myself) it doesn’t necessarily have to be a narcissistic parent. a toxic and abusive environment, especially one that constantly rips apart your self esteem, is one that any type of parent can create. growing up neurodivergent, struggling to make friends, and being bullied in school also contributed to my narcissistic qualities IMMENSELY. spending all your time alone and with no one to talk to gives you time to observe how other people behave and interact with eachother; what traits do they respect, what traits do they dislike, how do the people on the “top” of the arbritary ranking in my head act? now that i’m in therapy, i can recognize how unhealthy my mindset is. my perception of other peoples interactions is flawed. my environment had reinforced from my childhood that some people are just “better” than others due to certain traits, and they’re the ones who receive all the love/compliments/admiration/respect/etc. emulating those traits will make people respect you, and being admired became a priority over actually connecting with people. i can recognize now that i’m unhealthily competitive, superficial, and react in ways that range from passive-aggressive to outright hostile when i feel like i’m being looked down on. i feel like there is a “normal” level of resentment that people who have been bullied feel. a feeling of “i deserve better than this” that’s common among people who’ve been hurt. but to me npd is like a more “extreme” version of that (it’s the only way i can figure out how to word it). flip flopping between the very intense “everyone was right, im completely worthless” and “they just don’t see how spectacular i really am” ends of the spectrum with no healthy in-between self esteem. sorry i went on a Very long tangent; i don’t have any statistics or numbers for you but this is sort of just a singular perspective of someone w (possible) npd :3

@@gloomvision Very interesting. Thank you for sharing your insight.

I agree. However I think they don't always know what they do. Sometimes it may be an impulsive defense, other times it is deliberate torture.

No such thing as a Covert Narcissist. Covert and Overt are presentations of grandiosity, but within the same Narcissist. If you’re seeing a covert presentation, that means he/she is overtly vulnerable, quiet, anxious, empty etc, but covertly harboring feelings of grandiosity. Also; NPD has a high genetic component and is passed on through abuse and neglect. If your family is filled with Narcissists, you would be one too. And a good rule of thumb is, NPD effects between 0.5% of the population, up to 4%. So, like 1 in every 200 people. So if you have multiple “narcissists” in your life, especially outside of your family; that’s statistically impossible and you’re probably the problem. Doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist, could just mean you’re hyper vigilant. It’s a ptsd response. Look it up. And to say, “you’ve never lived with a narc” to a man who has a phd and specializes in NPD, is dumb. His opinion is probably that you never met a real narcissist before 😂 Or if you have, you thought they were bipolar. Also, you’re wrong because he has had a relationship with a Narcissist, he just never specified what. Could be a sibling, an ex, a mother, etc. It was that relationship that made him want to specialize in it because there’s so much disinformation about it on the internet

​@@brandonmcalpin9228 genuine question, what are you getting out of invalidating other's experiences? Unless you're a diagnosed narcissists and try to clear up your image, you shouldn't be that harsh with people who lived thought this. If so many say they experienced actual torture, they did. Period.

@@alex-bc2jh Idk what part is invalidating. I’m pretty sure I didn’t invalidate anyone’s experience. I called the person out for essentially acting like she knows better than a man who has a masters degree and specializes in NPD. And I gave statistics on the rarity of NPD. It’s like 1 in 200 people. Facts shouldn’t be invalidating. Nobody said you or anyone else wasn’t abused. Although, there are many of those too but they’re easy to spot. They attack people and start name calling. Lol. But I digress. Abuse is abuse, doesn’t matter who did it. This channel is about removing the stigma from a mental illness that has been dragged through the dirt and mud over the past decade or so, but every mental illness had its turn I suppose. Schizophrenia was like that at first. Bipolar. Multiple Personalities(DID) to an extent, BPD and now NPD. I don’t think any other mental illness had it this bad though, sheesh.

My family & extended family too mate. I’m right in the middle of a malice/smear campaign because I realised my Sister is Chief Narc. You did the right thing by moving away, it looks like I may have to do the same once my Mum’s passed. My health is declining rapidly & I now know the cause. Narc’s keep you in such stress that you can’t physically or mentally heal. It’s a living Hell. Good luck to you, glad you’re free.

The worst part is it is impossible to fix a problem that they can't see.

Thanks, and welcome!