I have been dealing with this for eight years and I’m exhausted. I’ve been smeared on every social media platform and stalked no matter what account I open up and it doesn’t matter what I do they always find me and spread lies. I haven’t done anything to deserve this level of insanity.

Abuse by proxy -- it is so much more pervasive than anyone can see. And once the system, authorities, become invested in the abuser's fantasy, there is very little the victim can do to walk away unscathed. I've seen it happen, to others and myself, ever since I was an aware teenager. Great channel!

My former boyfriend is a complete narcissist. He is currently on a smear campaign yet again, against my son. I've been doing my research and I'm two steps ahead of him. Karma will deal with him someday.

When my Narc realize he could not control me...He tried to use his family members to abuse me....I stood up to them as well...it did not work....then he tried other methods of abuse until it became violent & them I left......never to look back again.....free at last.

This is exactly what's happening to me and it's extremely frustrating that nobody is able to see that this is what's going on. The smear campaign is so pervasive and thorough that people are actually under the impression that it's warranted.

Abuse by proxy is used when the abuser(s) want to keep their positive image in place. If you’ve got two they tag-team. If one cannot trigger the victim the other takes over.

my mother used church members and my own siblings, my grown daughter uses police, teachers, family members and her own siblings. They're very good at what they do.

I was stalked for from 2008-2015,they sabotaged my relationships they made up stories and told people to stay away from me.,hacked into my computer,put spy ware on my cell phone,got my fired from 2 jobs,got me kicked out of school,bankrupted me. They seem to get everyone around you to go along with their games and harassed you they followed me from California and chased me all the way to Texas and the harassment continued,they try to communicate with you through other people saying thing like "Were not going to let you start a new life" and other terrifying comments like "If you keep talking Sh..t about people were going to come get you and f,,k your shit up> They get people to pose as romantic interests and come on to you at work and tried to turn it around saying that i was the one who come on to them and tried to get me fired at 4 of my jobs in a row.I went through 7 jobs trying to evade them but they seem to track me down and start the harassment over again. they followed me back to California and they found me and started the harassment again, The books are rite "they will never stop:. The Police thought that I was the crazy one and that I am just being paranoid and should see a shrink and offered no help at all. You cannot run, you cannot hide,they will track you down pretending that they are so worried about you and all of the things you are going through and just want help, that is they want to find you and continue doing what they have been doing "Terrorize and harass you " sabotage your relationships,your jobs ect.. what ever they can do to keep you terrorized.. Still being stalked

I'm dealing with this right now. Thanks for the video.

Thank you Dr Vaknin. Just wish the justice system would be trained on this when child custody is used to destroy parents.

Thank you, Sam. I am sitting here crying tears of joy at hearing your words. The people who REALLY love me are the ones like you, who understood what I have been living through. Few have ever understood how gang stalkers operate. I was isolated by it for 27 years. Now, because of lawsuits and a few real friends, and videos like yours, I and my two daughters are finally getting freedom from a narcissist man. Thank you!

Has anyone ever been able to prove this? I’m at my wits end. There’s only so much a human can take. I trust no one.

5 years after divorce and years of court he is now sending flying monkeys at me through his girlfriend on social media and his family contacting the kids offering money . We have no contact and he is hoping I'll bite so he can prove I am crazy. I won't. This is a game they all follow the same rules.

Have experienced this first hand. Although this video primarily focuses on males as the abuser and females as the victim-I can assure you females are quite capable of perpetuating against male victims-ALL of the abuse and tactics described.

I read all the comments and listened to your video.I can relate to all of it. I lost 2 jobs bc of this AND two of my closest friends of 40+ years. I've also had 3 Narcs on my tail doing their best to destroy me. One turned a good neighbor against me and put a surveillance camera across the street to watch my every move. Another Narc used the neighbors next-door to me to watch everything I'm doing. Plus, they monitor what I watch on utube. I even caught someone re writing a comment I made on a channel I watched. When I quit one job bc I couldn't take it anymore, my last week there it became evident to me that lies were flying around this assisted living place. The women couldn't even look me in the eyes and the men who lived there all had these big smiles on their face when I walked my client in for lunch. We always sat at the table with his friends except for that day, which was my last day, my client wanted to sit at a table alone. They even practiced my handwriting and stole my journals and read my private thoughts. Some of these journals would show up weeks or months later either with pages ripped out of them or they were rewritten to look like I wrote it. They somehow got the police involved to go against me...so everytime I was robbed I looked like I was crazy or didn't know what the hell I was talking about. Because of the stress, I got shingles a couple of years ago and decided to go to Emergicare. When the doctor and nurse first saw me they were great. At this point, I didn't know what was wrong but I had been in acute pain for 4 days. When the doc and nurse came back into the exam room, about 15 minutes later, I sensed a big shift in their energy. All of a sudden there was nothing they could do for me and I needed to go to the ER at the hospital. I knew, I just knew someone called and told them lies about me. When I showed up at the hospital it was even worse. I felt judged and humiliated. When it was all said and done, the head nurse told me there was NOTHING wrong with me and I could leave. I was devastated. I'd never been treated so badly. I knew there was something wrong bc the pain was so bad I didn't sleep for 2 nights. I, yes I figured it out...I had shingles. I was told to make a follow up appt with my doctor which I did. When I came to my appointment his whole demeanor had changed from my previous visit. I have CHF, congestive heart failure now, I used to be healthy and happy. Anyway, when I showed up for my appointment he was distant and cold...ice cold. At the very end of the appointment I said to him, hey doc, do me a favor and write on my chart that I don't want to be given morphine bc it gave me the worst headache and I couldn't stop itching. He turned around and looked at me and said, "what did you just say?" I knew then that this bitch had gotten to the medical community as well. This is no joke! I'm still being harassed and this has been going on for 7 years now. These people have no bottom they just do worse things to drive you bat shit crazy...to the point where you start to believe that you are certifiable. I'm homebound bc everytime I leave my house, even if it's to go down the street to 7-11, inevitably I see that someone was in my house stealing coffee, sugar toothpaste, garbage bags, cat food. ..and on and on. I did go to see a therapist but never went back bc as I started to tell her my story she gave me this look. I said to her, you think I'm paranoid don't you? She replied, well actually yes I do. And I've been on my own since. I can't talk to anybody about this. It wasnt until I started investigating what was happening that I slowly woke up to the fact that something very dark, very real, and very evil was happening to me. As I stumbled onto the utube channels about narcissist abuse there was no one...not one single person I could talk to about this. I know this is long but if whoever reads this, if it helps you then it's worth it to me. Thank-you Sam for you courage in speaking your truth. Much love to all of you enduring this abuse. Just one more thing, this is so prevalent in today's society and people need to get a clue. This hurts people's lives in every way imagineable. Honestly, I could write a non-fiction suspense book and it would be on the best seller list. If that happened,.at least I'd make back the money that's been stolen from me. However, I'm reluctant to do so bc it would be like reliving the last 7 years again. Once is enuff!

Don't call them spouses they're more like prisoners

This has been my life!!! Every single word of it accurate!!! My exhole Malignant Narcissist is a practicing psychiatrist, you can't even imagine the Hell on earth he has created for me.

I’m currently experiencing a smear campaign against me and being gang stalked, phone hacked pic’s deleted and computer monitored . I joined his online group and witnessed many acts of verbal abuse towards myself and others. When I challenged him and stood up for others I became a target. I quietly took the abuse and left the group. The absolute joy he got from convincing the group just how terrible Ii am for me was astounding . Like a kid in a candy store. A high for him. His goal is to ensure I fail at my dreams and to never reach my goal. Finally I’m speaking out about what’s going on and what’s happening to me. I moved on and so should he.. he needs to invest his time in therapy not me.

I think the hardest part of being a victim of evil , is that the victim starts to change & hurts themselves instead of continueing a cycle of abuse. I think it’s hard for victims to deal with , and also when you allow someone to abuse you & forgive them & don’t tell anyone , it sadly gives abusers a lot more power to abuse & revictimise others & the same victim sometimes. I think that’s what makes me angry is that just because someone forgives the actions of others dosnt mean they forgot or are not affected by abusers actions , they forgave . & That isn’t a thing to be abused repeatedly. These evil newly privilidged people may be thriving off stealing lives & creating trauma bonds & abusing Victims ...... but they need to remember just because there victims chose to survive & not thrive in causing others misery does not make them weak . It really means the victims chose to try to forget & forgive. It’s not hard to traumatise or steal & ruin others lives it takes minutes. If I did to people what they did to me ....... I wouldn’t be hurting right now. I pray everyday I don’t do to others what they did to me. But I just want these people that do this to understand there’s nothing clever or better about them. Except there very good at being evil & hiding it ........ but even that didn’t last long. The weird thing is , they had nothing when they did this to me , as soon as they got any property or material things from inheritance or victims , they were gone out of here & the other teenagers grew up & stopped ruining there vulnerable neighbors lives. so in essence they had something to lose in the end & were scared there victims might do it back to them. So really when they had nothing to lose in there lives they abused & robbed & traumatised there community ...... sad thing is they get weird privileges & help . There victims are left suffering lives they didn’t arrive in the community with. That’s not at all justifiable ......

Many of them often deliberately degrade anyone they bump into.

wow this is so accurate how the narcissist can turn someone against you with all their acting, thats all it is - acting. the narc. NEVER shows their true colors to the person theyre trying to convince that theyre really a victim of this crazy, hysterical person. this constantly happens to me to the point that i know i will never win against a narc. its poor me against a person w/ the devil on their side - the father of lies.

My ex narc made my life a living hell when i was with him & worse when i left him I lost so many friends due to his madness & smearing everything he is an every nasty thing he's ever done he ran around telling anyone that would listen to his crap that I done those things. I lost some friends due to them being naive & believing him and other friends because they were freaked out with his madness. It made me so depressed for years but now he's just an unemployed angry drunk that no one can stand to be around so in my case the whole karma thing came true

Thank you Sam for enlightening the public to this process of abuse and making available all your educational videos on the topic.

This video explained the last two years of my life. All I have left from the life I knew are my two small children. Though he was detached and interested in his children, now he suddenly looks like the stable parent. I was practically a single parent in our marriage. he cheats, lies, manipulates, and uses everybody around him. He has shown relentless cruelty and alienation alternated with sexual mind games. It's incomprehensible, especially growing an orphan, that he has shown the capability for such dark torture. Even crazier that everyone has turned against me and believes I'm responsible, as if I took on all his consequences. I fear he will take the most important things, not even wanting them, but to see my pain. I don't usually write on any videos, but I find yours so detailed and insightful. It has given me more confidence in what to expect and that I am not going bat shit crazy. The only thing I wish, is that this topic had a happy ending, magical technique to conquer the painfulness it all brings and to feel safe and empowered. So far it seems as though I have a long hard road to travel, and my children will be dragged behind. Thank you for your time, knowledge, and tools to aid in becoming empowered and healed of all of our unique childhood trauma patters, so we may all strive towards wholeness and compassion in this life.

I have read through some of the comments. Religion often has a strong emotional response - each person feel theirs is the right one, the right view... Abuse by Proxy and also involve abuse by peer group. A group which formed due to being a like. peer bonding, I think is the term. A bad personality will not want a good personality around because the good person or personality might not let them do damaging things, so they will tend to try to get rid of the 'good' person

My mother and ex-husband, both of them narcissists, took my children from me and they were kept from me because I did not want to be involved in fundamentalist religion or to live through any more life-threatening abuse, such as my children's lives being threatened, or my being choked to the point hospital intervention was the only thing that saved our lives. Then, I had a very, very few Jewish and Arab friends who spent 15 years keeping me alive. I have had bullets hit my vehicle, broken face bones and teeth, injured spine... other injuries. Some of it was directed my way by a narcissistic ex husband working with my own mother, the other 50% was work and school related. I never heard of either mobbing (work related Flying Monkey Stalkers) or Gang Stalking (when an ex husband or my mother used their influence on people via Flying Monkey Stalkers.) I am an educated woman. This kind of thing is not commonly known. I think Sam's description of it is perhaps the best, most succinct and easily understood description of what it is and how children are used (unknowingly) by the narcissist and his Flying Monkey Squadrons. I plan on buying a copy of his book. I still have a valid faith in my life, but I will NEVER be around fundamentalists again. Far too many of them are very abusive.

Thank-you. You described my life to a T. I have washed my hands of my mother, the main narcissist. She controls the cult including my ex. She has my kids. Lucky for me she is old and unhealthy. I am just waiting. I can wait.

Gossip it ALL STARTS with nasty >>pointless

You're information is Spot On, from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Yes, I can relate. The top abuser loves to put my child in the middle of this craziness because he is the only one that can calm me down and talk any sense into me while going through this gangstalking. Everyone else is hated and will never be trusted. Targeted and gangstalked all of my life. Mostly by those I thought I could trust like my parents, other family members, teachers and counselors. Eventually I realized that it wasn't just them it was many strangers and the government. Born into this craziness being nothing but a lab that and living in a truman show type of reality.

Very informative video, Sam. In my case the abuser "invented" 3rd party individuals to harass me. The narcopath used fictitious email accounts that sent me threatening messages "on behalf" of the abuser. He also used his friends social media accounts while visiting friends to send me messages and then delete the sent message so the account holder was unaware of what transpired. These individuals are dangerous. Just when you think the harassment has stopped it begins again. There is just as much fear from the silence because it makes the victim anxious about what could happen next.

Thank you, this described my situation 100%. I have found it exhausting. Having you describe what we have been living with makes me feel much better, that I haven't imagined it all.

Ex is a narcissist and so is my sister........they are birds of a feather........talk about isolation

Do you have any knowledge of Gangstalking and how it relates to narcissism? I know this may sound crazy but I assure you I am a sane person with a masters degree. This is a real phenomenon that is happening to people.

All of this is so accurate that it scares me. For the ones that have grown up with that kind of parent it is hell.Having family turned against you is awful, and as well having to leave them behind, but there is a point at which you realize that they are like part of a cult, so they stop to be reachable. The only way is to run away, burn the bridges and never come back, because trying to "save" them you only end up hurting yourself. After watching this video and knowing my tendency to fall for narcissists, I think I have to thank that I've never been married 😂

I worked in risk management at my previous job and my former supervisor has access to tools of public record. You might be surprised how much a normal citizen's life is public record. She can stalk me anywhere. Already had via Facebook to turn a few friends against me. They blocked me for no reason and no longer talk to me. Since it is all silence, I can't prove anything. I am being harassed and belittled at my current job for no reason. The two jobs are nothing alike.

Wow! This is whats happening to me now- a smear campain! I have strong support here where I live.But these twisted, demented ass wipes always find an audience for this shit! Just 2 minutes with one of these ass wipes & then justice will be served! Stay strong everyone & God Bless!

Having your work available is a tremendous BEAM OF LIGHT on a gravely important issue embedded in many domestic violence and abuse situations RE=how they eventually get "played out" not only in the setting of the "family & neighborhood", but also in mental health settings->judicial/family court settings->law enforcement settings->ALL THIS EXPENDS YOUR COMMUNITY'S LIMITED RESOURCES FOR THE MOST VULNERABLE POPULATIONS->All skillfully manipulated by the abusing party~Think about it~ U END UP PAYING

Thank you, Dr. Vaknin! You're a lifesaver!

I wish resources and information like this had been available when I went through my divorce from my narcissistic and abusive first husband 30 years ago. I finally learned to be a survivor, but my children, now in their 40s still struggle with mental health issues. If only people understood to get away before getting involved with a true narcissist. The pathology and desperation to hurt the one who leaves them reaches every other close person and causes damage that lasts a lifetime.

WOW Thank you Prof. Vaknin

My ex (abuser) did this to my sister. My older sister lived with us for a time and there were certain times I would vent to my ex about how I was ready for my sister to move out, all the while my ex didn't want her too----drinking buddy. There was one day that my ex was mad at my sister and basically forced me to confront my sister with information I had only shared with her. My ex wanted me to hurt my sister. I did, and she got hurt. I see now how she used me to do her dirty work.

Ah great video. Thank you. I learned a new term

My now fiancé’s BPD ex stalked and harassed me. Scary stuff. Thanks at least for validating what I went through - I know it’s common for BPD people to abuse their partner like this, but I haven’t found much on them abusing/violating third party folks like myself.

The more I say things back to those that stalk me the more in harassed by other stalkers, but I really don't give a sh**. Im done keeping quiet ....if I feel the need they will get a response..not every time but sometimes.

Spot on S V . That’s what they do . That’s what they are.

This is so spot on . Thanks so much

My ex narc used his ex wife and their children to abuse me. They're a family of bullies!

i agree it's ridiculous that they don't know about it or that no one speaks up about it

The mother of my daughter is a text book narcissist and indeed was relentless in attempting to con people into believing her accusations until ultimately she was exposed. Her abuse came in the form of alienating my daughter and using phycological/emotional abuse against my daughter and myself. She was revealed as having a personality disorder by one of the best,Peter Jaffe,a known feminist. He stated to the courts the aforementioned, and even talked about parental alienation.

I'm living this. And they act like they're victims. It is sick!

This is very eye opening that id what my abuser has done to me all what you have said everything to destroy me in jhis game of control.

Thank u Sam so helpful! I cant understand why the cops hate me so much i aint do shit! Why they not catching real bad guys😳 my Son! I give it to Jesus🙏❤️

Almost 10 years in and it's followed me across the country. It's a living hell. They'll use anyone and any means to continue to target their victim.

Great topic.

I think its most important to identify the people that help do this to the target, I know community is used mostly, and in some cases police, I've noticed them do small things,drive bys, showing up at a store when u do and do directed conversations, they generally don't do anything too obvious because they don't want to be caught, and the community do covert things as well, I really think these people need to be pointed out that they would do these things, its very serious abusing,and tormenting people.

Such a great video

On the religious end, there are different types of religious people, found in all faiths. 1. The one who is their because it is a tradition in their family 2. the social, they go for social reason 3. the person who goes who wishes to learn how to be a good person - the latter is the least found in all groups. So, when feeling if a spouse would see their mate as an extension of themselves, it may not be possible because they cannot even see the person as being worthy of good treatment -

My mother assassinated my character. Starting age 13 and ongoing. It’s incredibly devastating because people will always believe a mother over a child. Even I did for a long time - cognitive dissonance is thick when it’s your parent doing this. She gains supply and sympathy over her “my daughter is a problem child, poor me” narrative, leaving out the part about the disgusting abuse she inflicted. Next level gaslighting.

Thank you

Thx. You use the word Engineer. Why use word "Engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted...etc..."? Abusers tend to think, plan, calculate like real Engineers (Civil, Electrical, Computer engineers)? Like maybe a "social" Engineer? Or are Psychopaths tend to behave like Engineers, can Psychopaths work as Engineering Managers? or Engineers?

My family did this for 11 years in total. I fought back after being screamed at and told I was responsible. I just gave up. I have up hard. A year later I found files that showed 4/5 family member framed me to the police department. I've proven it now. I snapped and lashed out though and I can't take that back. All I can prove is that the stalking was occurring and that I was framed by the other family members. Gaslighting has been proven too. As well as emotional abuse and blame shifting. I hope people forgive me for my one response. I was framed for over eleven years. I only ever had one response. But they told me I had hundreds. The police reviewed evidence and legit didn't find any proof at all that I did what they said I did. Escape they said - there were nights I pleaded to go back because leaving meant I was attacked. I turned myself into the police as soon as I reacted. I was being abused, and there was backdated evidence to 17 that they legally disowned me. No one bothered to check. I realized I would rather be in jail then around them, and that's true. It sounds fucked up. But it's true. My restrained orders were breached multiple times. And then I realised until they die - they won't stop. They don't care what they take.

so how do we escape? or survive to that ?

This needs to be said without the words narcissist in it. Every type of person youve mentioned in this video has been involved with what has been happening to me since 2017.

My ex narc came from a whole family of Narcissits..The mother was so cold & ridgid.I was in the family for 10+ years and I never seen the Mother & father have a conversation or be in the same room @ the same time.I also knew that the father slept in a seperate room...and if looks could kill the father would have been dead a long time ago, the way the mother use to look @ him.

This is bang on 👌🏾

They've used every tactic that's been listed here short of the thing about kids because I don't have any.

It's called BULLYING. It's called GANGING UP ON PEOPLE. It's called POLITICS in Hudson County, New Jersey.

Sick 😮 As Hell 🙀 Wow l Am Going Through this Now Lord have mercy 🙏 Stranger Danger 🙏 Now Unhidden World 🌍 Wide awakening So be it

True, Gem did this to me!!!!

Is sad that I've gotten to the point where I think of everyone on an internet forum as a troll... Anyone who respond to a post, every email. I told her I had some reservations about the internet in class. It's almost as if she wanted to really make me hate this space she uses to torture people.

Yup

Sam thanks for this. I have a question. after a discard the narc smears you. Does he believe the things he says? and if convinces himself of how horrible you supposedly are, do those thoughts remain or do they change over time? I just don't like to be hated

At the end of this video you said there is a video in your series of 'how the abuser leverages the children.' I have not been able to find that video. I really want to watch it because that is exactly what has happened to me. Can you send the name of this video to 1mamabair@gmail.com, so I can watch it. My oldest son was brainwashed by his narcissistic dad all through the years he was growing up and his dad and I were divorced. Now, as an adult, my son is the narcissist and continues to run the same smear campaign toward me with my other children and grandchildren, just like his dad did years ago. I'm getting really tired of being the target of smear campaigns. I have other children who are on the fence and don't know which one to believe, their mother or their older brother. It's a nightmare that has been present in my life for the last 40 years and seems to have no end. Narcissistic abuse if pure evil.

My N will have random women call me to break up with me. Within 24-48 hours N is calling me and acting as if nothing is wrong. When I ask him what that was about he claims to have no knowledge of such phone call and then N says the woman who called me (contradicting himself) is a stalker and to ignore her. I must admit on N's behalf I've contacted women and done the same thing to them as well. I feel horrible because I really didn't see N's manipulative hold on me until watching your videos.

Law enforcement🤔

How can you make them go away?

I need help! I’m constantly deemed mentally unstable, no one takes me seriously even when someone has been coming in my home and torturing my dog! I am scared to go to the police as every time they have dismissed my complaints as star trek or James Bond and I literally don’t know what else to do? This has been going on since 2011 I think what the hell do I do?

all If that !

Will a person utilize a smear campaign by proxy as a form of hoovering if you’ve maintained a solid no contact? Mine ex narc is blocked on every single form of social media I am on, blocked on my phone, and I changed my email. We now live in two different states. However I recently was told I’m now being accused of harassing and continually contacting his new wife when I have not had contact for over a year with them (breakup was 14 months ago.) I have not made any contact. He kept saying he wanted us to stay friends. I basically vanished to him. So in that scenario is smearing the victim to a rare mutual friend a form of hoovering? To prompt me to contact him to “defend” myself? He won’t make contact himself because I told him any attempt would be immediately forwarded to his new wife.

This is very real stuff it Sounds grazy but this is real stuff

Does anyone know where I can find the clip to his similar video where he specifically mentions 'sound' being as an abusive tactic used by narcissistic abusers? Thank you

@rhoadess u dont dishonor ur parent by not doing everything exactly as they say, this is not true. u are ur own person and can do what u want, u are not ur parent's puppet. if ur mom or dad want u to commit a crime and u refuse are u dsihonoring them?

When the narc has smeared you , do they still hoover?

Used to be Dr now im strong AF, she got clever

My Ex is "funny" enough to use your videos in his smear campaign against me.

Ironically, a strong knowledge of the relationship between the narcissist and her flying monkeys gives the intimate partner a glipse into how and when a narcissist is vulnerable to a narcissitic injury!! Let's say a narcissist has a history of criticizing the intimate patner for not paying his fair share of the household expenses. If the intimate partner quietly gives the narcissist some money, he will be criticized under the principle of 'no good deed left unpunished'. To counter this, the intimate partner waits until the narcissist is talking to a flying monkey. He then loudly announces his contribution of cash for expenses, handing the narcissist cash money right in front of the flying monkey. Later, the narcissist will ask why the contribution was made in front of other people. If the intimate partner responds that he is tired of the narcissist's constant public criticism of him, this will cause a narcissistic injury. However, if the intimate partner plays dumb, essentially denying any flying monkey manipulation, or even their existence, it DOESN'T cause a narcissistic injury!!! The narcissist knows he is lying, but views this, not as an attack on her, but rather a continuation of the game she is playing with the flying monkey in particular, and life in general. It might even be a source of low level narcissistic supply!!!

This is a tactic that family lawyers who help child sexual abusers of the highest income tax base. It's methodical, but whose going to deny truth when a lawyer calls you for the abuser stating, the other parent needs help, she's lying.

Does this person tend to have money

But ur honor I'm the illuminati the all seeing eye of provence.. try that and see how that works out for u.. 😆👍😏