i am so glad you posted this. i have been going through pretty much the exact same thing and thought i was completely alone. i consider myself pretty much completely healed with food, and i eat upwards of 3000 calories a day as well. however my exercise addiction is definitely at one of its peaks, and i also have OCD so I have to be extremely careful. if I walk a little more one day, then it becomes the new routine. If I do five extra minutes of abs, it becomes the new routine. it's so crazy because im still 'trying to gain weight' and sometimes i get genuinely anxious that my exercise is burning off my calories so I'll eat a ton to make up for it. but my exercise routine is so strict that it literally consumes my whole life. I walk 6x a day, to the same spot, the same distance, at the same times, and I pretty much can't leave the house for fear I won't be able to engage in this routine. I wake up and immediately do my exercises, and the worst part is that I continue them throughout the day - the exact same moves, the same number of times, in the same spot. it's like torture, but stopping gives me so much anxiety that i worry i might harm myself. the worst part is that i started exercising to be 'healthy' and help myself get some more muscle while i gain weight but now its become my OCD's new obsession. the exercises aren't even challenging at this point, my body is so used to them it's just pointless and tedious and time-consuming and extremely restrictive. I'm trying to be more spontaneous, but I physically can't function unless i complete these exercise routines. I am always asking to leave class to 'use the washroom' but really just walking around the school for five minutes. I leave my friends early at lunch so i can 'use the washroom' but just walk even more. I have these rigid food schedules and meal timings, too. I spend around 5-6 hours doing these low-intensity exercises and going for repetitive walks, and I can't even let myself sit down to enjoy a meal. sorry for the long rant, it just feels really good to know someone else struggles with OCD-driven exercise addiction. one day I ran down the driveway instead of walking and now I have to do it every. single. time. thanks for sharing your story, i really hope we can both find some ways to cope and move on from this.

Personal opinion: Was suspected of having OCD and orthorexia/OSFED as well. The hard thing with exercise and eating disorders is it's so easy to go overboard and exceptionally difficult to find a good balance. Moving your body and exercise isn't an issue when the correct mentality is there. It's so much of a control thing that outside influence didn't even matter. It was about what my disorders wanted. Working on healing myself and balance. I don't need to excel at everything if it's actively hurting me (physically or mentally). I'm glad you're going about recovery in the way you need. The journey isn't linear. I'm still very proud of you!

I cant recognise u in thoes pics, u seem more happy now more independent , loving urself more ! and actually i love u more!, ty for opening up and telling ur hard story, we r lucky that ur here & were lucky to learn from u. I truelly hope that u feel safe in ur own skin and body , ur face now are shining ur eyes full of hope, i love u that way and i really think that u r a hero. Love u smmm ❤🐇🐰❤

Maddie, you're addressing so many important issues-and maybe earlier in your recovery it wasn't an appropriate time to do so. The reality is that recovery can be a frustratingly long process with so many ups and downs and sometimes we can only handle addressing so much at once. I'm a lot of years in and there are still things that crop up that I need to think about/re-examine/face/challenge. Your videos do a really good job of showing how complex it can be. People's perceptions are that once you start eating/stop purging/gain weight that it's done and the reality is that it's much more complex than that. Hugs to you and your journey.

i often compare exercise addictions and even eating disorders to alcoholism or drug addictions. of course they're not the same thing and these groups of people don't have the same experiences, but addictions tend to act in very similar ways. some things they all have in common is that 1. it's hard to stop, and people often don't want to (and when they do they find it incredibly difficult) and 2. it's often a coping mechanism. so for people who don't understand it and have told me to "just eat" or to "just stop exercising," i say, "okay, tell an alcoholic to just stop drinking. it isn't that simple, is it?" same for people saying they wish they had my eating disorder or they wish they had an exercise addiction or asking for "tips" after i've told them i'm struggling. you wouldn't wish to be a drug addict. you wouldn't ask an alcoholic or an addict for tips. (note: i'm not saying i know exact experiences of drug addicts or alcoholics because i have never experienced them or known someone super close to me that has talked about them, but i know that addictions act in similar ways and i think it's a way to get people to understand it more)

Me too…. Have had an exercise addiction for many many many years…. It can be annoying at times….but so good other times! My therapist is funny because she doesn’t really see it as a problem….so it can be really hard for me to see it as a problem…. So in truth, 99% of the time, I don’t want to stop… it’s usually just when I exercise to the point of vomiting that I get upset and want to stop. But then I talk to my therapist and she think it’s fine so I no longer want to stop. It is such a mind fuck, really. So proud of you for doing this video, Maddie!

Thankyou Maddie, you are so brave to talk about this topic! I can recognise my younger self in your words so clearly. When I first started recovery at home after treatment, i still had my exercise routines and only got better with food. The exercise adiction was the thing for me that just needed longer to get better. I would have never thought, that I was able to change something but the process was just slower. The routines got smaller, the repetitions got down, then, a whole routine-block fell away, and so on. This went on for 4 years and now, I have such really good relationship with exercise. It was so worth it, to give up this addiction. But that it needed the time! Love you, keep going!❤

Thank you for being so incredibly brave and admitting that you’ve got an issue with exercise. This week I thought that I despised exercise, I hate the way it overtakes everything, that it influences everything, that I feel forced to undertake this extreme method of punishment. I hate the way it’s glorified and admired. I hate the way I’m so influenced by what my peers are doing, how many reps, what weight, amount of steps, Kms they’ve run etc etc. It’s like having a triple whammy. What do we do with the space that exercise fills? For me the demon ED will wiggle it’s way in and give me yet another rule to follow. It’s so so hard but maybe by putting it out there, it might take the oomph out of its sails a bit. BTW I love your hair and how you’re doing your make up xxxxx

Love your honesty girl! Praying for your healing! You’re gonna get through this

Thanks so much for sharing. This is all too relatable and helps a ton. Stay strong

Thank you for your honesty! After my recovery program I gain weight, it’s low to normal people in my height, but I so hate it, so I start to decrease my calories and start to exercise. And I literally understand your obsession wish repeating amounts of combinations of exercises. For myself - I can’t leave gym before I don’t ride an exercise bike for 60 minutes, and every next day I try to increase number of calories that I burnt, I adding more and more repeats of exercitations and can’t do less at the next day. I wish you don’t give up in your fight because you’re doing great!!!!

Thank you so much for talking openly about this. Eating habits are often picked up quickly by family and friends, but exercise was always something to go back to to cope. Watching this video made me realize, that i might not be as fine, as i wanted to be. Thank you. You are helping me and probably others. So keep going.

I admire you for opening up about this overlooked thing, I understand being completely transparent on here can be difficult... Thank you for this!! ❤️

Thank you so much for sharing such a difficult topic ❤️ I've struggled with exercise addiction (it's much worse than the way my ED manifests with food) and so much of this resonated with me. It's so difficult to heal in a world where things like over exercise are glorified - you are so strong for working on this

I know this took courage; thank you so much for putting this out there. I thought I was alone with my behaviors and it helps to know I'm not. I was on the treadmill watching this and thought I was hearing a run down of my own day. This fight is tough, draw from that grit it takes to get up an run at 4 am! Know you've got people praying for you and hoping. Keep going!

Hey Maddie. I love your videos and I’m so happy that you’re discussing topics that not many people want to cover/are not comfortable discussing. I’ve been following your journey for about 7 months and every time you post a new video, it’s wonderful to see how far you’ve come. I remember being so heartbroken when I watched your first video. I wanted you to get better so badly and it is truly heartwarming to see you get better by the day. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, because we both know that’s what makes you relapse in the first place. If you can’t stop exercising, it’s okay. Don’t hate yourself because of it. No one will come at you for it, as we understand how hard it must already be for you. You will stop, eventually, if that’s what you truly think is best for you. You’ve come a long way and I’m sure you’ll be able to work on this problem, with time. Thank you so much for being honest with us and sharing your story. I’m sure it’s helping so many people out there who struggle with the same issues. One last thing. Life looks great on you, Maddie. Love from Rome ❤️

Thank you so much for continuing to share your story, Maddie! It takes a lot of strength to admit things you can improve on, especially posting it on the internet. Eating disorder, OCD, and exercise addiction have been struggles in my past. I can totally empathize with you when you said how exercise helps temporarily ease your anxiety and compulsions. Exercise addiction was one of the last components I had to face in my recovery. It can be difficult to find the right balance when society promotes always being on the go and active as the ideal way to be. Keep up the hard work! You've got this. 😁

Thank you for what you do! It is so helpful just to talk about your troubles and be real. Realizing your struggles is the first step to move forward! This is def a topic and you and me both need to address... BTW Sydney Cummings is amazing!!! I found your channel through a comment you posted on one of her videos. She is so helpful in discovering healthy exercise. Keep up the good work!

I'm probably repeating so many of the same thoughts as the others in our Team MJ community, but recovery isn't linear, there isn't one path that we all follow on our journey. You addressed so many important topics in this video and so much of what you shared really resonated with me as it relates to my own journey. Over-exercising is something that I personally addressed later in the process and it is still something I struggle with (if we're all being honest here). I have tons of friends that went "all in", I tried, but that didn't work for me, it was incredibly anxiety provoking for me. I spent a long time just focused on the nutrition aspect of recovery and reframing how I was thinking about food (I am still working on this today) and then slowly was able to work on the compulsive need/desire/whatever it is, to work out/exercise. ⚠️(*Trigger Warning*) ⚠️ I accept this now (and it took me years) as a, in part and in addition to an EDNOS, OCD characteristic/trait/whatever you want to call it. I had to run for x number of miles/calories before I could stop. I would go to the gym multiple times a day so I could hit that arbitrary goal I had set for myself. I remember being on the treadmill once and almost blacking out and I still didn't get off even though I could have been seriously injured. Later in my journey I realized that this compulsion didn't really have much to do with my weight or trying to burn calories, I simply did not feel "normal" if I did not complete that task. I personally found that I had to address my issues with food separately from my compulsion to exercise, I believe these two (for me), although related, served different purposes for me (not sure that makes sense). Ironically, exercise also helped me in my recovery process from compulsive over exercising. In 2016, I started CrossFit, and for the first time in my life, I met people that went home and ate after they trained and they took rest days and had active recovery days (yoga or walking or hiking), and food was fuel for athletic performance. I know this type of training isn't for everyone, but it saved my life. I remember my first day of class asking my coach (who I really connected with and who was/is instrumental in my recovery) where I should go to do my cardio, was I supposed to run or get on a bike and he looks at me and says, Karebear, you just did your cardio, you need to go home and eat. It blew my mind that people lifted weights, did a conditioning workout and just went home and ate and didn't stay to do the class again or go out and run for an hour. You are doing an incredible job with your recovery and all the little pieces will come together when they are supposed to and when you're ready, don't beat yourself up over the exercising piece, it'll come together in time. If anyone tries to tell you that you need to fix that piece now, tell them to stay in their own lane. You are not in the way, you are not boring, you are funny and smart and amazing and you deserve to live your best life. Keep up the stellar work you are doing ❤️ from Wisconsin

I knew I was watching this whole video when you said about people saying “I wish I was addicted to exercise”. I am very much in the midst of this right now and although I have amazing support, I can’t see realistically that I can ever break out about this. Every time I convince that maybe the ED team are right and I’m at risk or this is too much…society praises me for something exercise related…and my brain loses all its resolve to do something about it. Exercise is currently a full time jobs’s worth of time for me each week…on top of my actual Job

Aww Maddie you have been through so much but wow you have come so far! Thank you for sharing your story. I did wonder how you were managing the exercising and was even going to ask you last week if you exercised before going to bed after the milk shake challenge but thought it was inappropriate. I don't have an ED but I do like to exercise for an hour every second day and also do a couple of long walks during the week. Even though this is not excessive I do feel guilty if I don't keep to this routine. As you have managed so well with your food intake I'm sure you will overcome the exercise addiction so don't be too hard on yourself. Great video. Take care 😍

Thank you for being so open about this Maddie. I think it's amazing that you are being so honest about where you are in recovery. I've never struggled with exercise addiction but I struggle a lot with compulsive body checking. So while my relationship with food was getting better, and I wasn't using behaviors, I was still constantly body checking. I had to cover all of my mirrors and they have been that way for awhile. I still body check and I'm not completely free from this behavior. It's totally ok to do these things in stages and to meet yourself where you are. There is no right way to recover, there is only what works for you. Lots of love to you and Fig! ❤️

Oh yikes Maddie, this is not recovery at all! You wake up and exercise and then eat breakfast and exercise again? That's just purging. I'm sending you lots of good vibes and I believe in you. I hope you decide to fully let go of your ED- it's so worth it!!!! Just don't lie to yourself, you won't rewire your fear of weight gain if you don't stop trying to compensate for the food you are eating. You got this! xo

I love 💕 hiking 🥾 too! It’s my favorite form of exercise.

Thank you for your honesty! I struggle with exercise addiction as well, and it makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one that deals with these types of thoughts and behaviors. ❤️

Everyone else said it better already but I just wanted to chime in and say that I'm proud of you for making this video. You're a strong woman; you can do anything you set your mind to do, even if it feels impossible. There's always a way. Stay strong; you'll find what works for you 💕

You're amazing and I'm so proud of you!!💗 I'm sure this was very difficult to share. You're helping so many people. I understand exercise addiction. I've been there and it's honestly still a struggle. Rest days, I struggle. You're such an inspiration to me💗

This is definitely one of the most under-talked about symptoms bc nobody sees it and thinks of it as bad, like the huge number of comments I’ve gotten saying like “wow I love how much discipline you have” or “I wish I had the motivation to go to the gym as much as you” etc where to me it’s like not a choice because I couldn’t fathom NOT doing that. Even in bulimia recovery I told my mom I was supposed to drastically reduce my exercise and she couldn’t understand there being such a thing as “too much” exercise

I'm a boy and i wish i could hug you and cry together because i had the same problems some years ago, now like you said I'm eating a lot and not worry about calories, but like you said i feel that i need to exercise, so thsnks to you i will not exercise tomorrow because my body hurts today, and you nade me realize that I'm not alone and that i still really have s problem 😢😢❤❤❤

Amazing hun that you have been able to admit to yourself and others and be honest about exercise the fact that you recognise this and want to change means you are already one step closer to doing so.you have come so far and i have no doubt you will over come this aswel.keep going strong hun you have 100% got this xx

HI MADDIE AND FIG. YOU HAVE COME SUCH A LONG WAY IM SO PROUD OF YOU AND YOU LOOK SO GREAT. TAKES ALOT OF GUTS TO TELL YOUR STORY. LOVE THE VID. KEEP ON GOING LOVE YOU

So proud of you! This may be the turning point for you!!! Mine came when I was so sick (pneumonia) I could barely stand up… and I was trying to put on my running shorts and sneakers… it wasn’t until I was halfway down my front steps clutching the railing to keep from falling over that I realized how crazy I was being!!!’ I almost got behind the wheel… that was the first day I didn’t exercise… (I did however sleep for 11 hours) you’ve wasted so much of your time… don’t let this disorder steal anything else from you!!!

Bravo Maddie, for your courage in speaking your truth. 🙌 Your eyes have so much more light in them compared to earlier photos you shared. Long may that continue, friend! 🌌🍄

This is I would think pretty common with your struggle. Kind of like an alcoholic who is a chain smoker. I wouldn't think they could stop both at the same time. But you are ready now to slowly address this part of your whole addiction. One step at a time. You are doing great! Give yourself credit for how far you have come. You got this. Little bit by little bit. And you sharing is helping others!

I really appreciate you sharing. Work on the exercise but also know that you have come so far. I always make it to the end. I really like your videos.

As someone who also has an exercise addiction…. who would wake up at 3am to do 4 hours of intense exercise a day and walk 7-8 miles a day (THAT IS NOT NORMAL) I want to reassure you that it is possible to get over this addiction. For the first time I took a rest day which hasn’t happened in one year and it didn’t bother me at all. I also am just engaging in exercise I enjoy, I did get my period back last month as well. Maddie you can do this, I know you can!

Maddie you're so strong!! Saying 'dont be hard on yourself' is useless but maybe try to be more compassionate with yourself because recovery isn't a linear line. Little by little- little becomes a lot! You've come so far and sometimes just look back and see how far you've come 🤍🤍

Maddie, u were very brave to share this! If someone give u "backlash" for it, it is their issue. U don't owe us your private life details! Take it easy

Just keep going! You’re being hard on yourself. It takes time and doing it all at once doesn’t work for everyone! And honestly I have a dog and so yes I am out every single day for our walks lol no matter the weather. And a lot of my clients don’t let the weather stop them either. So it’s normal?!? Hehe 😉 Love waking up Saturday’s and watching you because it’s inspiring to see how far you’ve come. Xoxo

Thanks for being so honest. You remind me of myself. I’d also only hang out with friends if we’d be doing something active like walking or going for a hike etc. otherwise it felt like “wasted time” sitting around anywhere. For years I did “intense” hot yoga for 3 hours a day, would ride my bike there and back 15 miles, then workout in the elliptical for 2 hours a days every day. I remember one day there was a snow storm and I almost killed myself trying to drive to get to yoga because I couldn’t take ONE day off. I slid off the road and my biggest fear was “omg I can’t do my usual hot yoga today and How will I have time to exercise to make up for not being able to bike “ instead of “my car slid off the road I just got into an accident” and I realized what as issue I had. It took a job change in which I worked 14h days, 6 days a week and where I literally did not have time to exercise to change. Now I have to say exercising or going to a hot yoga class a few times a week is SOOO much more enjoyable than forcing myself to do my routine every single day. It is hard but once you break that “routine” it gets easier and easier. I can not imagine ever going back to exercising hours a day like that. I fooled myself at the time into thinking it was enjoyable but it wasn’t.

awesome video lots of hugs you are so strong

U probably already know this but if you love your self your exercise will become a nice loving thing to do. Honestly you have helped me a lot on my own jurney so take care of your self because you really deserve it look at your self as a wonderful human in every other aspect of your life except from exercise and I'm sure it will follow. Plese try to be as happy in this life as u made me❤❤

I am the total opposite. I have some eating disorder habits but i hate moving, I don't want to carry my body, feel it. So I try to incorporate a teeny tiny bit of very gentle movements: stretching my back or my head for a minute or two. Would you consider possible to decrease very very slowly your exercices? Like for example: instead of 20 pushes, starting by doing one less. The difference would be subtle that you could stand it and not panic? And then the next week, 18 or 2 minutes less of cardio...

This video was just more useful, than the ,,calories" before. I was also having a realy bad, hard exercise addiction and i say, it was definetly worser that the ,,simple anorexia". Sadly, i feel your tought on that. (,,I need to burn everything",,,If i don't workout, i'm not allowed to eat", ,,I need to do more", ,,I just want to see my abs, it isn't abnormal, what i'm doing" and so on... The most hardest part, sometimes i still struggle, but i'm proud of myself, because i was having enought POWER to stop it, for like a half year. (Yes, and that means POWER and STRENGHT, not your 20 km run after a slice of apple.) Now, luckily i'm doing it for FUN (i never tought on last year, that i'm gonna say that now...), i take rest days and if i burn mor calories, i eat more, because my body needs it!:) I'm also proud of YOU and really happy, that you can help me also with these topics.

You are so brave for sharing Maddie. Realizing you still have a problem with extreme exercise is the first crucial step. Obviously your exercise addiction is a coping mechanism for fear, anxiety, stress. Not exercising causes extreme anxiety and stress, which yet you don't know how to deal with otherwise. That's the thing with self-harming coping mechanisms...they really help us to deal with our emotions in the short run and make us feel 'safe', bc we don't have to deal with the anxiety anymore. But in the long run, those self- harming coping strategies cause even more damage to our bodies and souls AND prevent us from learning to deal with our emotions. Maybe the following explanation helps to further the understanding of those behaviours: People with eating disorders, borderline personality disorders or OCD often actually have a real fear of emotions. So in order to not having to feel anxiety, sadness, anger etc., they develop and use self-harming strategies that may make them feel better and safe from difficult emotions in the moment, but really prevents them from learning healthy ways for emotion regulation. So what is crucial if you want to get rid of exercise addiction or really any kind of dysfunctional emotion regulation strategy, is learning to understand, tolerate and deal with those difficult emotions you're trying to avoid. You have to give up your dysfunctional strategy and instead learn healthy emotion regulation. It is really hard, but it is possible. Have a look into Marsha Linehan and DBT. You will never be free and the real, happy Maddie as long as you don't allow yourself to stop exercising and start developing healthy strategies to deal with your emotions. You already have come so far food wise, you can do that too! Allow yourself to rest, feel your feelings and learn to handle them in a way, that doesn't hurt your body. Lots of love

Just acknowledging you have a problem is huge!!!! ❤️😊❤️

I always used exercise as a way to control my weight in the ed. But because you are gaining weight anyway, why not try to stop. Its like you are recovered physically but not mentally. That is the worst of both worlds! Thats what motivated me to stop. Exercise is not stopping you gaining weight anymore, so what other purpose does it provide?

I'm a lazy couch potato, used to have an exercise addiction twice. My first time was back in early 2019, then recovered due to hospitalisation and attempted recovery. 2nd time was in late 2019, I tried to exercise again because exercise relieves bloating, then promised myself to not go back to addictive exercising, and before you know, it was a daily ritual, eventually my cross trainer broke and I had to do it via steps without leaving the house because '''uwu scawy'. So I ended up walking around my house for 4 hours straight no pause, getting 20k steps up on a daily basis, In December my Bulimia developed and I started exercising less and less and before you know it I quit, luckily. However I stepped from one habit to another and now I've been stuck with Bulimia nervosa for 2 years now, by bping on a daily basis for 6+ times a day. Be careful when starting to make a 'healthy' habit.

Did you dye your hair recently it looks sooooo pretty! (Sorry off topic)

HI MADDIE AND FIG .JUST FINISHED OUR FAMILILY THANKS GIVING PARTY IN LOS ANGELES . IT WAS A BLAST. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU CAUSE I CARE ALOT. TALK SOON. LOTS OF HIPPIE GREEN

Oh Maddie, I felt so sorry for you seeing the pics. Love to see you so much better now! And - why not do a yoga video? ;-) Focus on the positive... I am also a big exercise lover (maybe addicted, I suppose). But I am about 40 years old now and I realize, that my body just gets TIRED of every day exercise. And I am pretty sure, yours is, too. Maybe it is a self love thing to say: I deserve a break today. Only today, only once a week - because I love myself and my body is my castle... Hopefully I make sense...

😻😻😻

Hi! This video was so important to me❤ O have struggled with this a lot and I am currently trying to reduce it to an amount I actually enjoy. I actually completely stopped running! You can do this too❤

I love yoga , but it’s hard to replace the exercise

I WISH COULD TELL YOU WHAT IM GOING THROUGH

Thank you for being honest and sharing your journey Maddie! But please refrain from sharing the "ill" pictures, there is really no reason and it could do more harm to your audience.