I've found the saddest thing about hunanity as a whole is we know better, but continue to do harm. Harm to people, to the planet, animals, everything and I'm just sick of it. I can't watch the news, either, because it's the same story, different day. I appreciate your honesty. Take care, Paul. 💛

This is the crux of having an invisible disability. I relate so much to this.

“…holding a stuffed animal. Teddy, not a taxidermist version.” I don’t know exactly why, but I love this quote.

Mate, someday I hope we’re down at a pub in our 60s-I look to my right & you to your left-we’re both drinking non-alcoholic beverages and wearing luminous clothes-and we nod…and say nothing…and it feels great. I can understand where you’re coming from in your videos because (at 39 ugh) the realization I’m on the spectrum is becoming like a thicker and thicker fog. What you’re saying re: unmasking is so true, because that adds a different (extra) level of anxiety to every interaction. Figuring out how to unmask is a bit easier for me when I’m around strangers. (Except for the one time as a teenager I was beat up in my own house by choir kids who I’d stayed with a month prior. Apparently, I did something to turn me into a mark? Crazy thing is I didn’t understand that whole incident until very recently and had told myself it was a misunderstanding…but with bruises to my torso.) From an ableist perspective, many autistic traits can be perceived, kindly, as being…uh…unconventionally attractive? I feel like research, as you mention, is fundamental to how society learns to accommodate us. Because what is the alternative, to just burn us at the stake if we start rocking while on the bus? Put us all on unemployment and into shared housing & menial work? It would be a tremendous waste. I am a tremendous worker. Published author. Super great cat dad. Am I employed? Not really. Does it stress me out? I’m losing my Johnny Cash-quality hair in clumps. Yet I still feel like with a *tiny* bit of help here and there I’d be golden and really happy. At my last full-time role, they loved me when I was working remotely for 3+ years as a phone call away-but when I was a nervous lump in a bright office *during COVID* and not speaking fluent French? GOODBYE in just over a year for my “attitude”. Yet because of you and others speaking openly, I have hope things will get better. Here in Canada for example, Terry Fox made people SEE cancer. There shouldn’t need to be a martyr but clearly, our collective suffering hasn’t yet moved the needle much. I’m convinced autistic people know much of what they need to thrive, but those things are sitting up on the top shelf and most of us can’t reach them. Society still seems too distracted, or too apathetic to care. Cheers.

Cheers mate 👋 John from Sweden! Autistic, probably adhd, traumatized for sure. I got my diagnosis at 44. I've listened to you on Spotify for some time now and I haven't had the pleasure to give you a big thanks 🎉🥳 You are one of my favorite autism advocate. Every word you said went straight to my heart. I was bullied for ten years straight in school. They didn't kill me, but they might as well could have. Children can be stupid and mindless sometimes. But grownups are worse. They are ignorant. They allow this to continue year after year. It looks the same now as when I went to school 30 years ago. Almost nothing has changed. Keep up the good work! You are making a difference! See ya

I think neurotypicals (some of them) see our strengths and our commitment to study and learn very well and thrive in special interests and specific topics can threaten them. And as a result we see passive aggressive behaviour and often bump into narcissistic people who wish us ill intent because they cant feel as deeply as we can. And we can over share naturally in intimate relationships because we speak so matter of factly. It can put us in vulnerable situations if naive. My personal observations anyway

I always offer my hand for a shake to avoid “the hug”

Thanks Paul. I was recently diagnosed at the age of 60, masking is very much a survival mechanism for me My brain seems like it is stuck in survival mode I guess masking without realizing it for all those decades dose that to you. The though of unmasking while still trying to maintain employment for me is terrifying, I don't think it wold go down well with my employer either.

I felt like crying during parts of this video. My heart breaks at the stories of bullying. Much of my energy, all of my life has been directed to trying to look normal. I'm finally at a place where I avoid any unnecessary social engagement and that is such a relief. Any autistic child who sees the bullying and experiences it for themselves will learn ways to mask, if possible. I, too, threw my life into getting and keeping a job. I was always seen as more conscientious than most others and had little or no life outside work. The work-social things I ended up doing were never fun at all. They were just ways to not stand out, but in some ways dangerous since it is easier for the mask to slip in these unscripted situations. As you listed some of the autistic news items, I had the thought that the world is in terrible shape. I don't consume regular news either, but still find out what is happening almost by osmosis. If this is the best NTs can do to run a world, characterized by lies, deceit, backstabbing, and much much worse, I don't see what they have to brag about. Instead they bully autistic people for being different. Or they look the other way. As a group, they should be different than they are, that's for sure. And it makes me wonder how many of the sane things are the result of conscientious autistic people holding things together. I know there are conscientious NT people, but are they only the rare ones like your current supervisor? It's a sobering thought, wondering how many honest, hard-working people are actually holding things together. (both autistic and NT). Thank you for your insightful videos.

I think that we ( autistic ppl ) are an improvement on modern humans. I find that we are kind hearted and empathetic and that is what the world needs. It's society that's fucking wrong

I was diagnosed early on as a child (late 1990s) but I was too proud, didn't want to stand out much. I do try to be more of my authentic autistic self now but I don't really know what that is. I can't tell when I am masking and I can't tell when I am not and I don't know if it even matters as long as I have my separate space for time out from the world. A lot of autistic traits are still defined by what is supposedly wrong with us, rather than our strengths first and how our strengths could actually solve a lot of modern problems. I convinced those of us autists who are successful are the inventors, scientists, engineers, artists etc and always have been. But there is also a huge impossible gap where so many of us just struggle and get held back by so many things. We definitely tolerate a lot more than NT people realise.

This is a quote that resonates with me, deep in my soul. (50 year old female. Diagnosed in March 2024) - “You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.” ― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls

The world has way too many violent people which is worst than having a disability. My son has autism and some kids tried to make him hit another kid in the swimming pool. He turned around and said he was not going to play anymore. He used his instinct and I told him I was very proud of him for listening to his inner voice that kept him safe. He learned that skill at school with proper coaching.

I have been bullied out of school and work my whole life. And this was while masking to the best of my ability. Discovered I'm (probably) Autistic a few months ago. Waiting on my assessment. I'm turning 34 next month but I am so damn worn down, I feel like a 100 years old. I have been binging your videos. My 'version' of Autism is very similar to yours. Very relatable. Thanks for being you!

Thank you, Paul. I am 73 and worked for 50 years with the mask on. I am retired now, and thanks to you for taking the time and effort to explain this, I can now set the mask down for short periods and really feel free. Thanks, my brother.

Thanks paul another great vid i have noticed at work since i have relaxed my masking a shift in people it does affect promotions and as you said they cant seem to grasp its a job i dont want or need 7.5 hpurs of social updates and chit chat just let me earn my wage and let me live my life without the constant judgement ... ive really stopped caring what folk think just do the job and keep looking for a perfect job that doesnt exist at least for autistic males. something ive noted working with an possiblly asd young lass 22yrs old we both have so many simulator traits the big differences is her traits & mistakes are looked as cute and endering whilst mine get reprmans and bullying . such is life i guess

I really enjoy your videos. I have an autistic friend who I want to understand better.

I love the tone and cadence of your voice. Very soothing even when you're talking about heated issues. ❤️

My heart breaks for you, and for any other autistic person suffering so much. I can completely understand why taking off the mask might not be possible or safe. Unmasking is a privilege. Sticking out may mean your head gets cut off. I've never had struggles at school, uni or the work place. Maybe because I managed to mostly avoid crowded places, social events, worked on my own, etc. And I think I may have escaped into marriage and kids, controlling my own environment. But I've always known I was different. I've never wanted to fit in. Why? These people, these rules, do they even make any sense? I don't know whether I'm autistic. I can relate to a lot what you say. I suspect I've learnt to mask since a very young age. I'm so confused, am I autistic or not? I can't even test how I react to other people and situations, because chronic illness confines me to home and bed, and I don't have any family or friends who visit. Problem or blessing in disguise? I can be as silly, stimmy, weird as I want at my home, on my own. No one to mask for. Ugh. I guess time will tell.

Thank you. I just got my diagnose at age of 58. I have been thinking about this unmasking and you nailed it; after all these decades, I have to get this to the goal - survive in the job and finally get my pension. It took too long to start ”normal joblife”. I was 40 when I learned to be strong enough to start working. At age of 45 I finally got my master degree and permanent job. I am working with disable young people, but I think that my collegues don’t want to have disbled working mate. In the other hand I can now tell better my needs to my emplyer and I told to my boss about diagnose. I am now in the edge of my recourses and it is a win-win situation to the both parties to find out the best possibilities to continue. So I am masking and in the other hand opening something about my true self. Balancing, that it is. A fear about bullying. Because it is happening any case. Such people are. Maybe that’s why I am still masking. Try to have ”teflon” surface to be alive.

I'm undiagnosed but test highly on all the tests and have similar experiences. I was beaten and betrayed constantly when I was younger. I work in the far east now because foreigners are expected to be different. I applied for a thousand jobs last time I tried to get work in the UK and managed five interviews. Didn't get any of them. I took my CV to two companies to get it improved and they asked to use it as a template because it was so good. I spent so long asking why it all happened to me.

Thanks so much Paul, been binge watching your content since I discovered your channel last week. Have to say its been the best happy accident. Bravo from a fellow traveller whose laser-guided insight (and gentle rage) hopes to catch up with yours very soon.

This was a great video Paul and I thank you for making it but I wasn't expecting it to resonate so much that I've been triggered by it. Hate using that word as it's thrown around so much by people that simply don't like something or used as a bullying tactic to silence others. What I mean is I feel sick, anxious and have had a whole bunch of awful flashbacks to my various prior jobs and dissociating a bit (aka triggered -and I'm rarely triggered). Still, your video actually helped me look at those awful situations in a different way (I'd not thought of them in years) so thank you, I've been able to re-evaluate those past events. You hit the nail on the head for us who have to work as we may not have the support structure or family in place to help if we didn't work. Yes it can be demonstrably bad for our health forcing ourselves into unsuitable environments but if you find a job that you feel you CAN cope with (most of the time), you don't want to cause yourself unnecessary strain by dropping the mask. That's more than understandable. Yes masking is bad for your health but not as bad as being stuck living in a bad area that you cant leave because you have no money. Living in an area where you're scared going to sleep in case you're broken into or to go to the shop for milk in case you're jumped is more traumatic than masking -which you'd have to do anyway or you'd get jumped even more. If someone can drop the mask great but if not then no one should be pressured to. Then there's the can of worms that a lot of late diagnosed adults don't know what the mask is and what it isn't half the time because it's so deeply ingrained by this point. Sorry, that turned into a huge waffle 😅 side effect of the nerves still not settling yet I think. Hope you have a good evening

Thank you. It feels so good to hear somebody talk straight. Now, finally aware of my autism (and ADHD) after 60+ years of being puzzled about myself and masking - not to be singled out as too odd - I am at a loss about ”unmasking”. It is a very complicated thing and I believe I will never stop masking completely because the world is what it is. I now realize that my being different has cost me a lot: even now, being a fairly successful writer for 20 years, I suffer because I simply cannot do the hobnobbing and networking that would secure those friends in right places who write reviews and give grants to writers. I cannot do everything like the others, but I am so used to masking, for my safety, for my peace, to get by and earn money, that I do not understand the easy talk about unmasking and ”being just yourself”. I cannot flap my hands and sing and chatter by myself and pace around etc when there are others around, but now at least I am not ashamed of those things and think that I am a nutcake: that is a long step forward and I am happy about it.

I can't watch this video yet because it would mess up my order but I wanted to leave a comment and I don't think you can on Spotify. I've been listening to your series on Spotify and I just wanted to say thank you. I found out I was autistic during covid and apparently my parents had me diagnosed as a kid and decided to hide it from me my entire life. It's been like getting a late diagnosis combined with finding out everyone's been deceiving you your entire life. You're one of the most relatable people I've ever come across and it's been a huge help. Also you're completely justified in the decision to not pay for your dad's funeral. I'll probably jump over to KZfaq once I'm caught up and not binging everything to get caught up. Have a good day man.

Its always so validating to watch your videos. ❤ As someone in their early 30s working in retail, living my life 'unmasked' is not possible. I am true to my self by working part time in a speciality store that caters to an area I love and spend my days off at home living as unmasked as possible. This does mean i go with out many things a lot if people in this society believe to be necessary but i am perfectly fine without. And I have 3 qualifications that i could put to use and make upwards of 3 times what i make now to have those things and be considered an extremely successful member of society. I have even tried this for several years. And it just didnt work for me. Finding what works for you personally is always the best option. If living life 'openly autistic' is the best fit for somone, then good for them. If the best fit for someone is spening a fixed amout of time masked so they function in society, then good on them.

Man, you talking about just wanting to work made me kinda teary-eyed. I wish work could just be work and not like some kind of big social construct. I honestly get sick of the whole concept of “authenticity”. I don’t have an original self to go back to, I have been building and refining my mask since before I can remember! And besides that, masking doesn’t make me inauthentic. I do this by choice, I do this because I care. The real me is the one who realizes that no one speaks my native language, so I make an effort to speak and understand their language. That is like, really sweet and open-minded of me, honestly. 🤷‍♀️ The real me is considerate - tired, but considerate - and I wish people would just recognize my efforts and thank me instead of trying to use the whole Disney “be yourself” dogma on me. People that mask work hard and do a good job and should be appreciated for trying to understand a culture that’s foreign to them. If someone tried to act a little neorodivergent for me to try to make me more comfortable, I would love them forever probably. Hahaha I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately and you posted this. Thank you for all your hard work, you’re the first and also my favorite autistic person I’ve followed online because I like how you just keep it real. Even if you do mask during the videos, you still really keep it real and I appreciate it.

Paul you are so funny!🤣🤣 “we’re supposed to straight from listening to deaths to here’s janine with the weather hang on a minute”

this is so relatable, as an adult autistic myself just got diagnosed at 33yo and have built professional life that really makes it almost impossible to unmask while at work. Love your content!! keep the good work!

AMEN! Perfectly said. Thank you!

Hi Paul, excellent video! Masking is a hard one. I have been trying to unmask at work and to some extent it has been positive. To completely unmask would be problematic. I openly stim but it is mild compared to my normal stimming. I am open about being autistic as eye contact is still quite hard for me. I am very good at faking it, but people can still pick up on it. Plus faking it consumes a lot of my attention so I miss a lot of what is being said. I also agree with you that we are not the problem. To completely unmask just isn’t possible for me at work. A good example is that I sometimes mention that I have Tourettes as well. I am a master at suppressing my ticks but a few have asked me to let some ticks out and all of them laughed. Really hurts so I will not do that again. Another point is that I often mention being bullied as a child and most say that is human nature. Really?! How is any of that going the change if that is what the majority thinks? Again, we are not the problem. I also have to say that I laughed when you mentioned a gang of autistic people! We would probably go around being nice🙃🤣. Thanks for another great video!

Hello from another Paul. Your channel is proving to be a breath of fresh air for me and I wish I'd discovered it sooner -- we don't agree on everything, which is fine as I certainly get your energy and I think I have a similar vibe. I was diagnosed at 54, after a long waiting list and a seriously intense assessment, but the autistic community doesn't speak for me either -- they can be helpful, but sometimes the way they try to police me just makes me want to kick back against them. However, NTs can be hopeless too - like I try to be open about being autistic, but, ever since my diagnosis, people just don't treat me the same. It's hard to explain, but I think you'll understand -- it's like I've lost my credibility as a human being or something. Anyway, thank you for your channel and all the best.

So much of this talk resonated with me. I too am well-employed (until the contract ends @ EOY) and I love my work, but I don't like or understand the power games some managers play, and they don't like my brutal honesty. But I defend my team and I tend to outproduce everyone, so that helps.

Omg I hear you so much and appreciate you for saying what you feel, I am 68 years old and have just found out i am autistic. I hear what your life was like as i lived it as well. The label of crazy and anger issues, never understanding how to mix with others, losing jobs due to angry outbursts, On the other hand being told continually that I was a genius (lol) because I could run a company to a degree of prosperity I could never have in my life. I have a sadness of lost years of enjoying my weirdness. Thank you again I don't feel alone now.

I feel very similar to you on this idea. I know how exhausting it is to mask so I can do a job that I know I’m good at, but that does drain me by doing it. If I were to be my “authentic self” , I don’t know if I would be able to still do that job. The thought of looking for a more autistic friendly career scares me to my core. The people involved are always the most complex component, we have good days and bad. Cheers to finding the balance.

I don't know if you'll read this but I just want to thank you. Just got my diagnose a month ago (at 36) and I can see myself reflected in your videos. Thanks a lot.

I wouldn't even know how to live without my mask. 40+ years with it, I've no idea how to take it off

👍👍👍 I am not spamming - there are simply not enough thumbs I can give you for speaking out loud what is in my own heart

So beautifully put about the ugly truth of it all.

Of course everyone sees when I am masking. But if I do not then I will be harrashed even more. Now I have been bullyied enough until today. Thank you for great content.

Thank you so much for this video. I needed to have someone finally validate my experiences, felt like i was going crazy here. It's not a tiny portion of people who doesnt understand and treats us in this way like you said; its the vast majority; and only a tiny minority makes an effort not to dehumanize us. I have been made felt by the world that I am the problem and that I am just a cynic. Now i know I'm not the problem and can stop beating myself up for not conforming to their senseless demands and expectations. Thank you for encouraging smiling as well, I know this comes from a deep place in your heart.

I have had to mask my whole professional life also. I worked for 19 years as a receptionist in a busy health clinic. It was torture and is what made me turn to alcohol everyday after work. Then I disclosed my autism diagnosis. You’d think I said I was a serial killer from the reception I got. I was then bullied unrelentingly for the next three years, until 6 months ago I had a breakdown. I developed FND and C-PTSD with active suicidal ideation. I am now unemployed, depressed and terrified of the future. I’m also really angry at the injustice of it all.

I understand your view point about masking. Unmasking is not safe at times... in public... especially for stocky bearded guys... people would view you as a threat. How can you earn money to have your needs met , to exist, to live... when most jobs include wearing the mask. I could unmask as a homeless person... I could unmask as an artist if I was successful enough to get by with it. I could unmask if I had the privilege of others supporting me. But the reality is it must be nice to be able live in a world where you can unmask but if you dont have the support systems in place to do that it can result in, as a female (speaking from experience) being raped, homeless, or locked up in a psychiatric institute. Lol that just got dark. I think a lot of autistic adults get left behind... so I appreciate your videos... and communicating your perspective even while masking. It is just a language that neurotypical and neurodivergent people can both relate too. So hopefully it bridges the gaps in understanding and makes society slightly more accepting towards others. Your videos are helping me understand things better about myself, the struggle, why, and how I interact with the world. ❤

Just rewatched and each time I hear more. What struck me this time is how much conformity is valued by NT's. They spend much of their energy policing people, every little tiny thing that you do that is different makes them go off balance, apparently. It's like they are always scanning others for a small difference. It's very weird. There must be real fear of difference. I think that this is also their undoing ultimately. Even those who claim to be different often do it adhering to some atypical group pattern that everyone else in that group agrees with. Is it that autistic people are more individual and that's what can't be tolerated? Apparently people who have written about AI chats have noted that it's often way off base, inaccurate, way wrong. (I don't speak from experience since I've never done these AI chats.) Perhaps it's wrong because AI gets its information from the majority (NTs) who don't care about accuracy, just about parroting what others like them think and say. It's a big echo chamber, but not very useful.

Hi Paul, im 36, i wss diagnosed with autism, February, 2022 and i have a learning disability, dyscalculia and i have short term memory issues as well. I dont work, ive been found unfit to work but with masking ive masked i think since i was really young amd i think its actually helped me to get along in society but its exhausting. Been listening to your podcast on Spotify amd i looked up your KZfaq channel.

I relate to this and my choice to mask when the need be. Thank you for the great video.

I was 43 when I found out. It sort of felt like a relief at first because a lot of rejection and social awkwardness suddenly made sense. But that boiling water… I was unable to contain by that time in my life, which is why I did the adult assessment in the first place, because I started manifesting more autistically to people on a regular basis and it was becoming visible, the side of me that I hid from everyone. What I found out, however, was that while it was a relief to know, it’s been difficult to discover the breadth of the effects. I know exactly what you mean about building a life on a mask and then revealing to people that that’s not really who you are. It reminds me of Jim Carrey going through a depressive episode and having everyone question the person that he was on the other side. He wasn’t the Jim Carrey that everyone knew. Everyone knows me to be a certain type of person to be able to work 13 hours for weeks on end and not show signs of stress except for private moments they don’t get to see. Suddenly showing all those people who I really am would look like I was going crazy. I’ve discovered the breadth of my masking I can pat my young self on the back for coming up with such a complicated mechanism to fitting in. And I just don’t have the confidence that people have taken off the social pressure that that young version of myself knew was there.

YOU ARE FFING AWESOME - first video of yours I have seen and I cannot tell you enough, bloody amazing. thank you for what you do. Just knowing there's ppl like you out there keeps me somewhat sane. x

another interesting subject - I am mostly unmasked (apart from work where I need to be) - and I still need to lock myself away for the rest of the time to reset and decompress - thank you for sharing this interesting topic

Unmasking isn't only, being your true self. Our masked are often based on traumatic experiences. We can't unmask without adressing these traumas. The world hate us and we internallize that hate. It's scary but we're allowed to exist without needing to hide and hate ourselves. The world isn't gonna change it isn't gonna accommodate us. Cuz sadly most allistics don't care what happens to autistic people. We need to fight we need to make them accommodate us. People will just ignore us until they can't.

I was bullied over and over daily in grade school for years. It was terrible. I learned to mask.

Again my friend u have hit the nail on d head! I am 59 n saw yr other videos n have just realized when listening to you that I am defo autistic! Yr videos r blowing my mind n u chat my kinda logic!!! Kp 'em coming.its like I found someone I can talk to! I have had so many burnouts nw its not funny your making so much sense n things that have hapnd to me that I didn't understand u've made sense in one video! Thank u

I was bullied my entire childhood. Assaulted, kidnapped and tortured. One time I was choked in the middle of art class. I was randomly punched in the face for absolutely no reason so many times it didn't even bother me anymore. I just thought it was normal. How did I exact my vengeance you may ponder? I punished them in the worst possible way. I allowed them to live their life. I can't think of a worse punishment than being them.

Thank you for your honest, raw and very real video.

Thank you Paul. I appreciate you and your insights so much!❤

A great video its worth the importance of what you said and feel

My last employer gave me a hard time for not telling her I was autistic, she asked me why I didn't tell her, my response was that I didn't want to be treated differently. She still gave me a hard time, I worked very hard for 4 years and burnt out, they're no longer in business as they could never find any one who could do the same as I did. I was their longest serving employee, as they had a high turnover. They couldn't keep anyone long enough and I am surprised I managed it for as long as I did, to be honest. I ended up out of work because of a work related back injury and I am slowly recovering... But I have lost faith in employers after this experience....They only care about exploiting people.

Excellent video!

i cant wait for the next video. i fancy giving them a watch

There is a huge danger in deciding to unadulteratedly "unmask," if "unmasking" means giving free vent to absolutely every whim, every instinct, every flight of fancy that springs from one's mood at the moment. If "masking" means not doing THAT, well, the whole world "masks." In other words, everybody has to exert SOME degree of self-control, self-denial, social compromise, convention, and the simple effort of accomodating to necessary circumstances that nobody really loves but seem to be the only way to get necessary things done. And I say this as an autistic man who knows in excruciating clarity what it means to face a committee meeting with horror, to feel like the earth is gaping wide surging to swallow me up into this black abyss. That's just one of innumerable social-sensory environments that are hell to me. What I'm doing now, at 66 years of age, eight months into my ASD realization, is to incrementally assert my prerogative based on my genuine ASD needs. I have greater freedom now, magnificently enhanced freedom, to say, "No, I can't do that; no, I DON'T do that; you know, I can do this a different way; look, here's what you need from me: A, B, C--you don't need me to sit there for an hour, you've already got it," etc. But it is a way, like a path through a jungle, that I'm picking through carefully, soberly, privately, and DEFINITELY without the least interest in any autism "group's" flavor-of-the-month gripe or whine or hobby horse. You know, there are lots of things that being autistic doesn't change. One of them is, a 65-year-old isn't a 16-year-old. And discovering you're autistic doesn't mean you've glommed onto a trendy victim-label for social cachet. One of the greatest ironies is, being autistic is very largely a matter of being alone ("auto"), of NOT taking to the "herd," and so it's hugely ironic that so many young people are glomming onto a herd-y, trendy, acting-out-y notion of "autism" as a "get out of jail free card" ("My daughter's autistic--you have no right to touch her, to arrest her, to make her accountable for her behavior!"). There is an intrinsic contradiction in "Autistic Just Like Us." Yes, there's more than one autistic person in the world, but it is of the very nature of autism that it cannot be packaged as a social movement. That is when it's a farce and parody. As they say, if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. All the commonalities that define the spectrum notwithstanding, there's a lot of truth in that.

Thank you for your videos, Paul. You have enriched my experience of the world.

OMG. THIS. Diagnosed at 50- 2 months ago. 🥴🌈🙏🏼 Thank you for this.

Powerful stuff, excellent video.

Thank you so much for helping me to understand my son. I owe you big!❤

Peaceloving, altruistic creatives who feel everything should not need a label. The issue is all the narcissists in power, promoting their own culture of sociopathy & narcissism that we must conform to. Its always been this way narc Cain murdered righteous Abel because he was jealous; Joseph's brother's left him for dead & sold him to slavery because he was a "dreamer", the religios leaders tortured and murdered Jesus because His righteousness exposed their hypocrisy. Nothing has changed there will always be predators & prey, just do what you can to stay off their radar. Glad you have a safe place to retreat to, lunch alone at work & pj's YES can totally resonate. Although ive no diagnosis. All the very best to you 😎🙏

Paul !! hey its been a while, i hope you and little george are well ? you have given me so much to think about in this video. As a autistic woman , i may do a living openly autistic video your an amazing person, with so much fantastic input.

Very well put. I know exactly how you feel. Since my situation is more or less similar to yours.

Yet another powerful video

Thank you for your video. Masking is so exhaustive, but I don’t feel safe enough to drop it. I’m on the long waiting list for a diagnosis at the moment and your videos are helping me to understand myself.

Hi Paul. Just found your KZfaq Channel. I'm from North East , UK 🇬🇧 Great content ✨️

Enjoying your videos! Yes, “masking” is essentially some behavior pattern we learned. I doubt we can stop applying them altogether. (I might get diagnosed, in my mid 40s. After diagnosis saying no about it, but the initial test didn’t make sense to me when I did the test without thinking in that frame of thought about my past)

New subscriber here, it's nice to see a fellow Manc who is on the spectrum doing some great work, well done mate 👍

Great video - the idea of masking is important because I’ve read where others claim they don’t mask as much as they used to . My issue is every relationship(as shaky as they are currently) and the job I have is due to my ability to mask very well. If I didn’t mask then I would lose these things and my life would shrink to something unimaginable.. as completely exhausting as masking is - I realize it’s something I must do .. besides, I don’t really know who I am without the mask and there’s probably not much there

Thank you for this very important video.

I have recently had a diagnosis (adult) after years of wondering. Long history of being treated for mental health conditions and wondering what’s wrong me me, socially, why I struggle so much in some environments etc. Only now so much makes sense. I can be kinder to myself. Your videos have really helped so much in my diagnosis journey. Just wanted to say thanks.

Hi Paul, thank you 1:04 so much for being around. I’m 54, spent all my life playing ‘a part’ in life. You actually made me laugh and smile a few times. Your videos are amazing, pin point. Everything you say resonates. Failed situations, failed relationships. After 54 years Ingot hit by the ‘Autism train’ and a year later I’m still trying to understand why me!?!? All the best my friend, and keep smiling 😂

Thanks, Paul. I'm 75 and I've been there. What a mess. My mum told me I was the most courageous person she knew. Time I started making videos, I reckon. Appreciate your work.

Its next to impossible to unmask, especially in the workplace. I work for a company that is a disability support provider, and because I’m not one of the supported people I am expected to behave in a certain Neurotypical manner. I’m barely holding onto this job and it makes me sick to see this attitude!

New subscriber & late diagnosed at 40 after a massive burnout and my masked life went to shit. I find it excrutiating to put the mask back on now, even answering the door to the postman feels impossible. I relate to your experiences.

i've never been diagnosed; and i'm 67; yet when i listen to diagnosed autists; it's nearly identical to my experience; i'm dealing better now; i'm ultra-focused on this eclipse; coming in one moon cycle; i think the eternal algorithmic memory; is going to use it; to launch the next phase; of the aquarian age; i'm skeptical; and yet; the energy seems to be gaining momentum;

I've been enjoying your videos very much. I'm in the U.S. At the age of 75, I've begun to think I have autism. I'm having a professional diagnosis done and haven't received the results yet. I have a degree in education, but I was never able to successfully navigate a job interview to become a classroom teacher. Eventually I did get a position, but I worked my way into it without an interview. You are such an attractive man and so well spoken, it seems strange to me that you were bullied or persecuted by other people. The culture where you live must be quite different than what I've experienced. Some of the ways you describe yourself remind me very much of my son, who possibly is autistic, too. I'm quite concerned about him. I enjoy listening to your accent -- you must have grown up somewhere in the north of England. Anyway, my compliments on the videos. I wish you the best.

That's the sad thing about when you finally get an autism diagnosis and feel like everything finally makes sense, but realizing no one respects you any more for it and you're not gonna be met with any real level of understanding anyway. I also think that because everyone thinks classic autism when they hear autism, every high masking person is disbelieved and probably assumed to be an overly sensitive attention seeker. At least that's what it looks like.

Wow, fabulous, honest video 👍

Could you do a vid on depression attacks?? Every freaking week for a month I'm at work trying to pay rent but I need to leave because I get very un-lifey. My managers are really supportive & at Amazon they had me call their hotline 3 weeks ago & I had an immediate hour long session with a free therapist, while still in my warehouse. The woman on the phone even knew about late undiagnosed female aspies & masking. They asked if I wanted to go to the ER & since I was almost out of my gabapentin, I agreed because I could get some more from the ER. So 2 cop cars came to my work, frisked me & drove me there. Thank God it was outside & before lunch so no coworkers saw it. I got my Rx but other than that it didn't help... was more stressful than helpful. I don't see any hope. I'm going to just lie to my mom (because she has a history of invalidating me) and say I've had to take a while off work for a kidney stone. And lying doesn't bother me 1 bit because I'm desperate. She's 80 & has a sugar momma she rents a room in her house. But the other old lady hasn't been charging my mom rent, so I know she has $$ to give me for rent. And the old woman is a retired teacher & owns land so I'm pretty sure she has money too. Since they don't truly want to understand me, I'm resorting to that kidney stone lie because I'm desperate & don't want to be homeless again (I was stuck couch surfing for 10 yrs and just finally got an apt last year). That 10 yrs of couch surfing was in Arizona but now I moved to Missouri so I don't know anyone here & so instead of couch surfing I'm worried I'd have to go to a homeless shelter. Lots of good it did work my ass off for my chemistry degree. And I relocated last year before I realized I had autism so I didn't know that moving 1200 miles, hauling a 12 foot tailer all by myself would add unnecessary stress. But I did what you're "supposed" to do... I couldn't survive financially in Arizona so I got out to try to make a life for myself somewhere where cost of living was lower & wages were higher. Ugh, everything is so freaking futile, I hate it!! I don't want to die! I know I don't. But these depression attacks take me over 😞 I do strongly believe we could be the next step in human evolution. And this is what it looks like. Nice!! Not.

I really hope you come back paul, you're awesome we/ me miss you! Hope you're well and happy!! Hi to your lil animals🐕🐈

Hi Paul, I think this is a very powerful video and you put it across so well in a way that I would struggle to do. How you explain things. I can relate to so much of what you said. And like some others I also think that my Boss is trying to hold me back because he is scared of letting me shine incase I outshine some of his abilities because I am very good at my job and very enthusiastic even after 15 years. I am coming to realise all of this because other colleagues of mine who i trust and have known us for years are telling me this is what they think he is doing. I didn't believe them at first as my confidence has been deplited by my manager making me feel inadequate in some way and as if there is something wrong with me, but i am actually starting to wonder now if this could actually be what is going on. I went to him on one occasion enthusiastic and offered to help learn new process and technical stuff that he allocated himself the new manager of (so he could hog work have complete control and further his own career in the direction of future growth within our department) and he told me I should get a job up the road if I want to progress! And also recently being told in a meeting to bring my high standards down and lower them to meet others in my department as I was too thorough with my work and I need to level down with the rest of the team. It was then that I knew that I had to make my own path. I understand a little of what they were saying as they explained that I need to finish my work quicker but not be too particular but I can't get that my boss is telling me to lower my standards to comply. So in a nut shell my Boss is telling me to not be myself and abandon the thing that most sets me apart from other people, one of my strongest assets! My quality, ability and passion for my job. I am never going to lower my standards and instead I am actually going to learn even more to arm myself with more skills so hopefully the right people notice and they are going to help and appreciate me.

Masking is a survival skill and mechanism. As a fellow late diagnosed autistic your experience resonates. I do stim, constantly - in "socially acceptable" ways for a female like hair twirling and subtle toe wiggles & finger flicks

The more i unmasked the more violence you open yourself up to. I have to decided between bubbly, weird and overly trusting, or cold and detached. Nothing works. I flipped off my old boss who was bullying me after leaving my job and they tried running me off the road with their car while i was on a skateboard. Right after i came out as trans too. Im the first one to get cut from a job. Unmasking is when you know youre safe. You really have to go out of your way to find your people but in any group i feel this invisible wall form.

I can't believe I've just found your channel, well it was yesterday so I binged watched a load. I'm not going to lie ( as if I could ) no wonder I think you're great, I watched all the series of idiot abroad and you sound like him. I love a good fun moan myself but I also get the seriousness because I am late diagnosed and of around your age. Anyway I know you are busy doing life at the moment but I just had to pop and say thanks. A wave from North Lincolnshire ...p.s I heard what you said about Lincolnshire sausages btw. No taste! Hope all is well with you.

I think the employment figures are probably skewed quite a bit, certain there's a lot of working undiagnosed people out there, those diagnosed young are more likely to be in the higher support needs range

Masking is all I know, I mask so well I fooled myself and still fool those around me

Although I've always been a weird artist, who does their best to dress like Bowie, I have masked hard for 50 years. I "get away" with a lot because I am an artist. Even though I have said things like "I have to squirm and jiggle to focus" or "I can tell you how to perform in public: I wear an invisible suit and pretend to be someone else to do anything I do, even tog et out of the house", am hypersensitive, "shy" etc lack of knowledge about autism has led to me still be able to mask. (Now that I know this really makes me laugh). Nonetheless, now that I know I am some kind of variety flavor of neurodivergent and try to be myself, I feel like my family (the one I was born to and my spouse) are somewhere in between discomfort, annoyance and disgust. Yeah, it is very complicated and everyone has a different experience.

THANKS!!!!!!!!

I'm also a late diagnosed autistic person who still masks in certain situations where it would be unsafe for me to do so. I think that many autistic people do think in absolutes (I've struggled with this myself), so the push to unmask by certain autistic people sounds like a mandate at times, a "you must do this to be happy" without really taking into account that some people don't have the luxury to freely unmask in all situations. I'm unmasked with people I trust.

Hi, just been watching some of your content. Was wondering if you do any live content, would be great to be able to interact in real time. I am also late diagnosed 53. Anyway, just a thought. Great content 😁

Would love to meet you & talk about autism you have a calming voice

I haven't been diagnosed until I was in my 40's. Now, at 45, I clearly see the masks I put on with people. Some individuals think I am extremely smart, others think I am not that bright, some think I am extremely happy or sad. The sad thing is this. I have no idea who I am. I believe I even have a mask for myself (or maybe this is the real me, not sure).

Hey Paul, and Adult with autism friends I was watching some videos featuring Dr. Mary Doherty in her research regarding the challenges faced by adults accessing medical care. I believe she’s based out of Ireland and it’s recent research and it’s very critical because so much of what’s underlying autism is untreated biological issues in my opinion signaling the threat response in the amygdala keeping our systems on hypervigilance and possibly some of that can be mediated or bright down if the underlying medical conditions are treated and we can have a better quality of life. So often the challenges are in ability to access medical care results and very disabling or life-threatening outcomes so this is really quite important research she’s doing so I thought you might want to follow her or join her work. ❤ I miss your videos Paul, but I hope that you’re caring for yourself because it’s important

Brilliant

hi, just found your channel. finding it really helpful. years ago i was diagnosed with BPD (wrongly i think). i am currently seeking a diagnosis for ASD at the age of 58.