18 years together, 16 years married, 4 kids, one with cerebral palsy that requires constant therapy and attention. This man is on point. If you commit to marry, you need to take that responsibility seriously, it's not about you, it's about both of you. Love starts as a feeling but it stays as a choice and a commitment.

I've asked my sister before, "How do you expect to find a husband if you break up with every guy that does something you don't like?" And her answer is much the same of what I see women say online...... "I REFUSE to settle!" It's not settling to have to compromise in a relationship. It's work! You have to be willing to put in the work. No one's perfect and having this fairy tale, perfect relationship is not realistic. Having a relationship that's perfect for YOU is absolutely attainable though, if you are willing to compromise and put in the work.

I have been married for 20 years and one rule that is CRITICAL is NO SCORE KEEPING! This kills marriages like nothing else because your entire marriage becomes a power game of who is doing more, or worse using it as a weapon to make your partner feel they are worthless. Remember, even if you WIN the score keeping game, you still lose because you are not elevating your partner.

"Duty." That's interesting. My ex used to say I was only married to her out of a sense of duty to her, the marriage, our kids. Like "duty" was a bad word. I would always say, "duty doesn't come out of a vacuum. It comes from love. Love is what creates that sense of duty."

Married people who actually held it down, throw your journey up, we need it.

I wish my mom would have realized this. Instead she blamed us children and my father for everything not being all sunshine and rainbows

Single people listen to the The self awareness part is it very important. You are responsible for who you pick as a partner.

My sister married this dude when she was 20, they are now millionaires because they worked together and she wasn't focused on some flashy shyt most women focus on. It took them almost 2 decades. It's incredible what can happen when both partners put in the work.

in order to have a successful marriage, you cannot be selfish.

He brought up Gottman's Four Horsemen theory: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling - all a recipe for disaster in a relationship, particularly in conflict resolution. Definitely all true!

The four killers of a relationship mentioned: 1. Criticism 2. Contempt 3. Defensive 4. Stonewaller Unsurprisingly, these are also the four most common characteristics of a narcissist. Anyone who cares about their mental health and the outcome of their lives needs to research narcissists deeply. The information will protect you.

CAN I JUST SAY this comment section is absolute gold and thank you all so much for sharing your wisdom and experiences! ✨

Add him to the show, he’s got that older men perspective

I've been married 23 years, and this man gets it.

I highly recommend this guy's advice for single couples. As a married man, he nails it on the head. It's not just about YOU. Also EVERYBODY needs pre-marital counseling.

Almost every single relationship I've seen that starts off well that fails after a few years - it's because one or the other fell for the other person's potential, not who they were right then and there. They didn't really love that person, they loved who they could become. That kind of relationship also does so much damage - you will destroy each other trying to force them to become who you think they have the potential to be.

Me aged 24 never been in a relationship learning from other people's mistakes haha

Been married for almost 10 years, im 33 now. we have 2 kids. We've been dealing all sorts of shit: personal issues, financial stress, all sorts of insecurities, serious chronic health issues... Life can be a bitch. But giving up was never an option. It's comforting to hear someone talk like this. No matter how cliché it sounds, it makes me feel i am not alone in this one.

Please bring that man on more often. He was fantastic, had great advice, seemed like a great role model, and has a calming presence.

This guy looks both 23, and 45 at the same time, its like if he changes his angle towards the camera by a few degrees his age will change by a few decades

35 years of marriage and I’ve learned that peace is preferable to happiness. I’m peacefully married all the time, happily married some of the time. And that is what works best for us.

Facts. Don't be a sucker for "we are in love and that's all that matters" crap. What about the challenges and responsibilities that are coming your way for the next 20 yrs?

*Weddings are too appealing and happy marriages are boring.* This is the Social Media Age where everything is visual & back in the day weddings were boring/simple and it was just for that day. Now, weddings are showy, flashy, a measure of status & something to hang over other's heads. *Media only amplifies troubled or scandalous marriages(Jada's episode about entanglement broke records).*

As a man that got married at 20 yrs old and now have made it 26 yrs married. Our relationship has gotten better than ever. I can say this video is spot on. I could add more though. Marriage is hard work, understanding, and compromise, every day. If you can't or won't then don't.

See but that’s the thing, if u live in the hood, being wrong and admitting to your mistakes somehow makes u less of a person. So people constantly deflect and don’t accept that they toxic asf

30 years old, I feel like my generation has a warped idea of happiness and marriage. We're the Disney generation that was raised to believe we are special and unique, that if we are not happy then we do whatever it takes to get that feeling regardless of the people it affects. Too many of us get our ideas of what happiness and love is from social media or television and then wonder why we are miserable, anxious or depressed.

I'm very lucky to have avoided marriage. Like, I'm a good looking man, tall, all that. Even had money at one point and will again. But man, I look at marriage as either I've got my life together and that's a bonus if I meet someone worth that lifestyle, or I've got my life together but do I really want to add that responsibility to my life? At this point I'm 40 and I have to say that up until 35 I was bothered by not being married, but now I'm very very very happy I didn't cross that line. I figured out I don't want kids, I want kittens, I don't want a wife, I want an adventure partner. So yeah, that's why I think marriage isn't for me and kids are like, really not for me. Be honest with yourself. Don't let society pressure you. If you aren't into that lifestyle or you can't deal, then don't try it. It's not worth it, ever. You have to give up a ton and work hard as fuck to be married with kids. Do you really want to do all that? Not me. I grew up doing all the housework, caring for my bro, in a single mom home. I had tons of responsibility as a kid. Fuck having that as an adult. I already been done with that.

If you work on the things together its not toxic. But if its only one person trying to work things, that's when it starts to become toxic

Broke up with my gf of 1 year literally because of the first rule he mentioned. Criticism is necessary for some tough love in certain scenarios, but when she acting like that all the time and making you think badly about yourself. That’s when you gotta leave.

"love is the acceptance of another person and willingness to take on their burden and suffering"- the video confirms this saying.

what an articulate man, I love my father but i'm 18 and thank god through the internet we all have access to this content. feeling less misguided than yesterday.

Been with my wife 20 years and married for 14 and have one 8 yr old son. This guy is right on point. Some days are tough but when y'all get through the shit together it makes you stronger as a couple.

A good man learns from his mistakes A smart man learns from other people’s mistakes A wise man learns from everyone’s mistakes

The highlight of the whole conversation is accountability and responsibility of your actions/behaviour. I am 27 and finding people of similar values was hard before but after COVID things are near impossible 😂

Everything he is stating is listed in John Gothams "Seven Principles of making marriage work". Its considered evidence based practice in the therapy community. He created a love lab and through this a as able to predict divorce rates up to 98% accuracy. It's must for couples, read the book.

likes and interests change. Character does not. If you’re going to get married, you have to marry someone who you have respect for and who you admire and who you can learn from, and who keeps you safe. Emotions are sensitive things. You can’t be sharing them with someone who always makes you feel like you’re about to get attacked but you can’t have love without any respect

1) Love each other for the way you are, and not for the way you think you should be. 2) Never stop making an effort (to make them happy, to look good, to go on dates) 3) Never belittle. 4) Don't give up too easily, but also know when to give up and move on.

This is literally what my marriage counselor told me as well. He was like “you’re right! But you have control your emotions because that other person has emotions as well”. It’s true guys listen, we’re going on 10 years strong

What a sane, level-headed view of marriage - no gloss, no B.S., just straight up truth that relationships demand things from us.

Aba & Preach. My husband and I have been married for 18 going on 19 years, and have been a couple for 24 years. This man is telling the truth. In marriage, you make a commitment to your spouse, your children, and your progeny to build a lasting legacy; it's not about you. People were perplexed that I never cried at my wedding, but I always explained that I never got caught up in the emotion and grandeur of the wedding day. I was focused on the marriage, and the commitment that I was making; no time for tears, I put my big girl pants on and prepared myself for the rest of OUR life TOGETHER. I love what you guys do BTW. I watch you guys and Kevin Samuels all the time.

out of all the languages this man could have spoken, he chose to speek in facts.

Legacy, something not many people want to bring up because a lot of people are selfish nowadays. The immigrants who came over in the 50's worried about Legacy and the grandkids of those immigrants will start to reap the fruits of their labor. I always appreciate those who undertake a cause and sometimes do not live to see their hard work come to fruition.

I'm one minute in, and this describes my parents entire marriage. My mother is a very angry woman, and any chance she gets she goes off on my dad. Growing up in that household was toxic as F.

What he said was very important, but I was more engaged with him in general. He reminded me to simply seek out a group of people who are smarter, wiser, and more balanced than I am. He seems to be a logical thinker, patient, considerate, and very self conscious. He’s the type of friend I want in my group.

One thing I would like to expand on is there’s a difference between persevering through rough patches vs preserving through toxic and abusive behavior (emotionally and physically) in marriages. There is a limit like Preach stated. In some cases staying together causes more harm than good, to each other, to your kids, to society, to your future family... there’s a limit to how tolerant you should be, once doing things for the greater good is becoming more harmful, then a revaluation should occur and moving on could be the best option.

It only took my partner to not give up on me when I was being difficult once. I realized I was being immature and that I had a great man, apologized and worked on myself. He isn't perfect of course but I don't give up on him either. Now, married, I know as a stone-carved fact that I will never give up on him, and that love is wonderful but it can't be the only thing sustaining the relationship because in difficult times thats not the first thing you feel. You have to constantly, everyday in the good and the bad, choose each other.

My husband and I have been married for 16 years, together for 22 years. He's taught me so much and vice versa. Best life partner ever!! He think the way this man thinks. Therapy is key! Learn each other at different stages. It's never boring. It takes effort and empathy.

As a married person…he ain’t lying…all FACTS! Bring him back on for us seasoned humans 👏🏾

Exactly!!! I loved this gentlemen's perspective he said what I been saying for years marriage is not a fairytale it takes more than money in order to be married. A good marriage is a situation where you have respect, balance, values, goals, love, duty, responsibility, and effective communication.

Marriage is WORK. If you don't want to work, don't waste anyone's time.

Watching made me realize that my relationship that ended a few weeks ago was probably the healthiest thing that could happen to me. Everything Preach the 2nd said was exactly what she did to me. I even asked her for help in pursuing twitch and KZfaq and all I got was more criticism and just blatant negativity. I felt like it was my fault but now I know different. Yes I will own my share of the blame but I will no longer be heavy set that it's my fault. And as top comment said, I hope she does well for herself and recover from any pain I caused

Ppl gotta learn, feelings are temporary. And nobody can make you feel anything, you choose to feel it. Don't do things in the heat of your feelings that you can never take back

Your advice helped me save my relationship. I've learnt to control my short fuse ever since I started watching your vids about a year ago. I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot! Keep it going, salud!

Honestly what are 3-4 years in the run of a 25 year marriage? If I make a commitment this big you better believe I work for it with everything I have.

Noticed that man didn’t mention love one time... 21 years of marriage and that man never said anything about love

My ex needs to see this. I told him that he never had anything good to say to me about anything, he wanted to argue. He was overtly critical when it came to me and you couldn’t tell him anything. That shit would get on my nerves like no tomorrow. I dumped him over text when I left his house, I wasn’t going through that in 2021. I left him and the stress he caused me back in 2020

I met a girl once. I was 17, having a party at my place, roommate's ex-girlfriend invited her, wasn't an expected guest. 4 months later, we got married. We're coming up on 22 years of marriage. We've hit serious problems, one near divorce moment, having some issues now infact... But we both have traditional family values, despite us both not growing up in traditional families. I believe those values we both have is from both of us having seen our own Grandparents' relationships, old school partnership. We have problems, no doubt, but we know what we have is worth the effort to fight for and maintain. It's just like owning a car. If you keep up with the maintenance, it won't break down often. When it does breakdown, you figure out the problem and you try to fix it. You don't just say fuck it and go get a new car.

I went over n beyond in relationships. Nd didnt have enough respect for myself. So people walked over me and I allowed them to. Never again. Love yo self. Nd get some self esteem. Before you think about the next dude/girl. And that man is strong minded asf.

I'm 23 my wife is 21.. were coming up on 3 years married, we have a 19 month old son... it's very difficult, sometimes I used to feel "ohh we got married too young" there may be truths to that. But that being said, I didn't take time well neither of us did, when we were single the self awareness thing... so it has been hard and rough trying to find ourselves, but we chose to find ourselves together, it feels good to make a decision to stay and fight for each other cause.. tbh when I see me with my little 3 years compared to someone else 12 years+ I'm like 😅😅 but I also feel if we end things were never given us the chance to see each other grow and flourish... we spent 19 years thinking about yourself first, then now were married nd with child, we have to relearn nd reprogram our way of thinking. Were young, but I'm happy were young, were more flexible, we can absorb more, we can be taught if we CHOOSE TO ACCEPT the responsibility... I pray we can last... it's also can be discouraging when our parents were married 22 years, her parents divorced about the same time mine did, it makes us discouraged sometimes, like 22 years is the threshold, are we gonna last that long? 🤷🏾‍♂️ who knows, it's about what we do now to prevent that... but I love my wifey nd she loves me too (I hope lol jk) but I think were still in a early stage where were not stuck in our ways

I’m glad I found my other puzzle piece in high school and I was aware enough to understand that she was the one from day one. Here we are 13 years later with a beautiful son. We work through whatever obstacles come our way and we grow together. I hope all of you reading this find that special someone in your lives

For the first time in a long time, I'm grateful my ex left me for another guy. She left with everything I never wanted in a woman & I learned to love myself even more. #CCDS all the way.

Anyone that has been married knows this man is telling truths with every word👊👊👊

Married over 30 years. You have to bless your wife and children through the sacrifices you make. What you sacrifice for them is what communicates your love for them in ways nothing else you can do.

I've been with my girl for almost 12 years but we barely moved in together last year in April. The first year living together has been rough specially cuz of the pandemic and how it changed things. My mistake was expecting a lot more sex that before i had this idea that when we lived together i was gonna get the pun pun way more often so that was a wake up call and a realization that a relationship is not just sex and hanging out. I gave up a lot so we could live together, I lost my car garage which is a big part of my hobby, I moved further away from my work office. Her parent live 5 mins away. They stop by hella often without notice kinda annoying but they often bring us food so its not all bad. We have a roommate cuz we cant afford living alone in CA. But in the past year we have grown a lot and i have learned a lot about her and have learned to love her even more than before. Its true we have to pick our battle to make it work. some things just arent worth arguing about. We are also getting married in June, it took my 10 years to propose to her. we met in college and I was a drop out. still do pretty good for myself but she makes more money that I do it sucks but i dont let that bother me anymore. Ultimately i had to look at myself and realize im not the easiest person to get along with so the fact that she loves me and sticks by me is a great sign of her love for me is strong and worth staying with her. again after 12 years of being together one would think we had everything figured out but no its a process and we barely in beginning stages. Having kids is a big thing and we dont feel ready for that challenge yet. we at least agree on that. Love your content and have learned a lot about my self and my relationship watching your videos. you guys rock!! keep up the content i watch your shit almost every day

28 years old and single but damn does this slap. Thanks for all the videos over the years. They've helped me get over myself and life has started to click. I've got that late-bloomer in fantasyland syndrome you know?

I am married. We have been together 12 years. We have been to counseling, too. Therapy is absolutely important. ❤ People these days focus on the wedding, a one day (depends your culture) celebration. After the celebration comes the marriage. Are you ready for that? Marriage is WORK. Are you ready to put in the work?

this is priceless. im 18 and i feel like im tapping 2 steps into the mindset of manhood. this is what we need to learn

yeah that full stop when your partner gives up hurts so much. My ex hus willfully tried to bypass therapy because in the end he ended up saying he didn't want to get married in the first place. All that work and blame and abuse I took upon myself to at least enjoy something about our relationship was like a giant slap in the face. It still burns me inside 3 years later. I remember reading gottman and doing the work. Even though my relationship didn't work out, those books helped me personally grow. Hopefully I'll be ready to step into intimacy again but for now, I still got a long way to go to feel confident about myself again

Loved the older gentleman sharing his wisdom from lived experiences. Really appreciate this video

Coming from a South Asian background, “Preach” was speaking about how my parents view marriage, they have been married 22 years now and I can see why they can keep their marriage because it is not always about them and I am grateful for their sacrifices for the sake of their legacy.

My grandmother told me before her and my grandfather got married they made a pact to stay together no matter what. Through hard times or not. They got together at 17 and they’re hitting 60 and still together.

I am not married, but I am 9 years deep and 3 kids in and just turned 31. This video single handedly pulled me around the table to a different angle of what it means to "be a man"/"be a woman"/"be the best companion to yours". It all somehow correlates to the same fundamentals that make the relationship work and every facet somehow works with or against what you and your partner build. This man speaks real profound truths. Thanks guys. You really do contribute substantial content to the men and women of this era. Be easy, gentlemen.

You should've given him more air time. He looked like he still had more to say.

For real, the stats on divorce for twin parents are staggering. Surviving with my husband to our sons’ first birthday while still liking each other was a huge achievement.

I remember dealing with my ex-wife. Bruh, every time I brought up an issue that bothered me, or that I didn't think was right. She would always replied with, "you just playing the victim, you just wanna be right, you just wanna win the argument". Like, I could never have a legitimate complaint, or point. It was fucking infuriating! Also, if I had a different point if view on anything, then I "was not interested in solving the issue". We had to be on the, "same page". Yeah, her page! Like I wasn't my own person, with my own experiences, perspective, life. I known compromise is part of a relationship, but this was not it. I felt hopeless, I would walk away because I was tired of the arguments, but that also made her mad. It got to the point where I truly felt there was no point in talking, so I didn't. This also bothered her, I was "shutting her out" according to her. You're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't!

My husband and I grew apart when we had our son 5 years ago. We both had affairs. We were able to work thru our divergence and find our way back to one another. That was two years ago and we’re happier than ever now. Love CAN persevere but your head has got to be in the right place.

This man spittin straight facts. Been with my girl for 7 years now. Married for almost 3 and had a baby for almost 2. This shit is HARD! However, I cannot imagine my life without her in it. She makes me better in every way, and vice-versa. The issue with many people like my brother said in the video is they don’t take the time to evaluate themselves and acknowledge their flaws and work on them, and they find partners with the same issues. Then when things get too hard everything falls apart.

In the beginning of my most recent relationship, my gf was very very defensive, almost to the point where we could never have healthy, regular talks. She was being attacked by her family alot and always associated any type of constructive criticism with just criticism. It was a very big issue until we met halfway(it took a while) but we're okay now. It just goes to show that such a small thing can become an issue if you give it too much time.

"It's not the speed, it's the sudden stop" When you're logic can only be understood by higher beings

I'm about to get married next week. Listened to this dude, homework done.

I've been married to my wife for 5 years be 6 this year. Hell yeah we had problems but god damn it we love each other so damn much we work our shit out. We still working shit out. No matter how old we get we sit down and talk it out. Having the mindset to leave after 2 years or less and not talking about the problem then you shouldn't be together. My wife and I did get marriage counseling. Gave us a guide to talk to each other better and we do now.

Pls have this man back for more conversations. I really like this guy.

This right here is GOLD! I had an incident that woke me up a few weeks ago when i realized no matter what or how i FEEL, i am RESPONSIBLE for what i SAY and DO. It is not easy to implement everything this gentleman is saying. It is the darned hardest thing to do to take responsibility. I had to do it and it is relationship changing.

All I require is someone who is respectful and has my back

there is nothing i respect more in this world than a man trying to start a legacy for his next of kin.

Basically marriage = WORK!!

I've been pretty much saying this my entire life to my parents, my friends, and to their relationships. It's incredible how simple these problems are.

I hate understanding all of this so much and not being married. Because whenever I try to help some of my peers who have gotten married. That's the first ignorant shit that comes out of their mouth, "You're not married so you don't understand" lmao. I'm in no rush! I need to make sure I mesh well with the person I'm combining lives with and I'm not a psychologist, but I most certainly know a lot about psychology. You can learn through experiences of your own and through the experiences of others. There's plenty of ways to educate yourself. Just have to be self aware and open your mind; receptive to information.

Damn, I guess I've been following y'all too closely because I already saw this live no reason to watch it... but I'll still drop a like 😁

He’s a older soul with a great deal of wisdom. Watch out Preach (I’m kiddin bro) 😂

This guy gets it. That is a mature man, right there. He should have his own KZfaq channel. He would be a great mentor to a lot of young men and women today.

My 15th wedding anniversary is this Sunday! I 100% agree. There are going to be hard times. I was taught marriage isn't always 50 50 sometimes it's 75/25

Why aren't we talking to more married couples. I'm so tired of hearing from these young 20 somethings about all the things they want and deserve and seem to know nothing about real life. It's exhausting and depressing

Relationships are a reflection of ones self. Bottom line is you cant respect who you don't love, and you can't love who you don't respect.

I love this man. What a gift, thanks guys for bringing him in. ❤️🙏🏻❤️

That ALPHA MAN was most definitely preaching.🤩 I loved every minute of what he said...SELF-AWARENESS OF CHARACTER IS KEY❣✊🏾 He said, WTF he said‼️💯🥰

In the beginning when he talks about criticism and being defensive - and when they talk about it being a choice to bring contempt into your own household, rather than making it a loving place, where you address issues in a peaceful way - that’s great advice. Also when he talks about spending your money wisely and talking to your partner about what you want for your kids/grandkids. Amazing advice. My mom and dad when we were younger I wondered why my dad never changed his car, and I found out later it was because him and my mom agreed they would make lifestyle changes to save up for our college. Their choices changed not only my life, but our generations. Someone who cares will tell you the truth like this man does, in a genuine and peaceful way. Nice video!!!! 👍🙏

Been married 5 years and what he says is straight fire. You do think way differently when making certain decisions.

Slight correction: when you get to a point where you have contempt for your partner, your relationship has already failed