“Compatability is an ACHIEVEMENT of love, not a requirement for it.” I really needed to hear that. ❤️

These words are truly an awakening! As Tagore once said: " I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy."

I go back and watch this video every now and then, every few months actually to remind myself of what love really is. Truly invaluable.

After more than a dozen times watching this, I must say this is one of the finest things ever done. Thank you Alain, this is your finest moment. May you have every invitation to speak to us continually.

I have listened to this for more than 10 times... still learning.

Every married and to be married couple needs to watch this together! And pause and laugh when they see themselves being described in these situations. I saw myself multiple times 😆

Australians are so lovely. You can tell by how lovely the crowd is and how they’re just eating up and totally enjoying what he’s saying. Best people ever

Why can’t everyone be intelligent & realistic about life, love, emotions etc etc etc .... thank you Alain.

Being self-aware is so important. Thank God for people like this it is humbling to listen to him talk. I learned so much about myself every time I hear him

BRILLIANT!!!! THIS OUGHT TO BE REQUIRED VIEWING IN ALL JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOLS!!

One of my all time favourite talks.

This speech is very impressive. Besides the wonderful and awakening insight, I love how he talks with passion and humour. I lost the track of time, had a good laugh and learned some very valuable lessons (to say the least!). Congratulations and thank you Alain 🙏

OMG.... Speechless..... Such a sobering lecture. Thank you so much. The trap of romance is so so tempting yet dangerous

This is so relevant and much needed. Elliot Rodger, the proto-Incel mass murderer, was obsessed with Romanticism even if he couldn't recognize it as such: *His fascination with nature; he always went for long walks to clear his mind. He was constantly, constantly reflecting on the beauty of nature. *he saw childhood as the only joyful period of his life. The only time where he thought the world was "good and pure" *joblessness; he refused to take menial jobs because of narcissism and ego; he quit all of his classes out of disinterest and because of *...sexual frustration. He was obsessed with the sex and romance to the point of fanaticism. At one point he thought about killing himself by drowning (a romantic image in itself) but the sight of a beautiful woman smiling at him dissuaded him from that. He couldn't separate love and sex. He was obsessed with the idea of finding a "beautiful" life partner who would attend to all his emotional needs. When he couldn't, he turned to *...visions of destruction and murder. An obsession with death as the great mover of the world...another tenet of Romanticism. Elliot Rodger and his successors stand as stark proof that Romanticism-inspired obsessiveness can easily warp a person's life into something bitter and destructive. We ultimately need less of this in our culture, not more.

I can’t believe that this was an hour long talk and everyone including me had so much fun. Could feel the energy of the entire crowd enjoying this! With all this instant gratification and getting distracted every 5 minutes - attention span. I’m so glad I made it through without wanting to skip to another. First time I listened to a long one and it kept getting better!

Humour and knowledge in a single guy. Thanks, this was just incredible.

He always brings common sense to light! Love his talks on just about everything, Indeed, a brilliant mind.

I been watching this video every month and I think this is amazing lesson of relationships and love.

Ultra brilliant. So glad to bear witness to this man in my lifetime, and so grateful to have seen him in person.

This man is a genius

My friend sent me this, she is an absolute rock in my life, and as a friend, she has loved me, and....loved me enough to share this with me! Powerful! Thanks KM!

I first became aware of Alain de Botton with his "the consolations of philosophy" book when that was first published. Really started to open my mind to other ways of thinking rather than the "norm." I've recently started a binge of online talks including all the School of life videos. It has been and continues to be a fascinating, fun and informative journey. These talks about the realities of being in a relationship are of particular use and interest to me at this time in my life. Information and ideas given with honesty, openness and humour is invaluable. Thank you for uploading this talk and thank you Mr. De Botton!

He is awesome! So much wisdom delivered as comedy.Bravo!

He changed my look at life and relationships. Very grounding advice.

"One of the greatest British export is melancholy." 😂😂😂

Brilliant, de Botton is inexplicably aware of the human condition, life and romanticism.

Romantic love forces us to face and deal with our triggers in a way that practical love never will. It is the best vehicle for personal growth.

Oh my gosh I'm blessed to have people around me telling me what I've done wrong RIGHT AWAY. Maybe that's part of the 'self-righteous' aspect but it makes me think that they CARE about me (and I know the people around them too). Yeah it may be embarrassing (to some people) but it puts my toes on the ground and makes me realize things RIGHT AWAY too, which may not be very ideal to some people because some say that we should do it 'privately' for the person to not be 'embarrassed' (like I've said) publicly. But I think people's honesty and straightforwardness helps me in a lot of ways. And I'm thankful for the people in and that pass by my life.

If this particular video could be shown to grade 7, along with how hormones affect 'love' thinking' our children could be enlightened to loving relationships being about more than hormones and fantasy. When you learn this you learn to not believe and therefore not act upon everything you feel or even think. Brilliant as always.

"...but Ive got Morrissey and Ive got Bach" Love this guy!

I have watched this lecture so many times every time it is so enjoyable

Wow, I am enchanted by Alain de Botton speeches....genius come in small doses

This is definitely one of my favourite talks - Absolutely brilliant. It's deeply insightful and humourously accurate. People often have this false perception of love and believes that the right person can do you no wrong, everyday is sunshine and rainbow, things just clicks in place. The reality is, in all relationships, the absence of disagreements and conflicts often mean dishonesty is involved. The right person can be anyone if both parties put in efforts to work around their differences and accept that everyone has flaws and no one is really the one.

Thanks for watching, we hope you enjoyed Alain de Botton's witty and fascinating take on modern love. Please subscribe to our channel for more. We're releasing new videos in our Digital Season, every Wednesday to Sunday soh.online/Subscribe

Nonsense on KZfaq gets millions of views and likes but important information such as this, hardly gets any recognition

You are precious, monsieur Alain de Botton .

Thank you so much! You unveiled my questions about failing relationships in my life! I am a Romantic and felt the weight so heavy mistaken it as a positive that It blinded me all the way. Thank your for the even funny way you unveiled it for me release the burden that was weighing me dawn!

Share this video with a maximum of people! This is the kind of content we need to share.

I think this is the best talk I've ever watched on KZfaq and I'm a KZfaq veteran.

waw, I couldn't think the presentation could get any better because of all those eloquent points he has made.. and then I was hit by the questions and his answers.. waw! I could listen to hours of him answering questions, every time he adds a crucial information. just waw

I'm going to set a reminder to listen to this conference every 6 months ❤️

Best thing I've heard in a long time.😊

Anyone who has read Hanya Yanagihara's "A Little Life" knows how the relashionships between the caracters can be uneasy, but in a conference she said a very interesting thing along the line of "Showing the truth self to someone is a very new thing. Humans used to choose their relationships as in a way that they could show only the best version of themselves to their partners and friends."

Wow so many lessons learned in only an hour.

The thing is that all of us are kind of like that broken inside in various key ways. But there’s no easy way of signaling it, right? We can’t signal that we’ve got these wounds and breakages, etc. And so our partners don’t necessarily give us the accommodations that they would. And that’s why it’s so important to realise that, of course, wandering through the world, everybody is very severely broken and in need of a lot of forgiveness, and generally, on the whole, not mean, just frightened. Most people are very, very scared. And most appealing pieces of behavior, normally have fear at the heart of them rather than evil.

Such a brilliant, eloquent, impactful human being!

He has such a clever and charming personality. Good talker and good with People

Oh my, Mr. Button you are so authentically Human 😊 🧠 with a genius skill

Thank you. Thank you!!!! I was about ready to give up and walk away and now I will work to stay because I realise, all the problems are basically inevitable, as well as my innate deeply warped, insanity ... talks like this, remind thoroughly of the work required.

THIS IS BRILLIANT! I am speechless

In the aftermath of a separation from a decades-long relationship, when I had started to think it's me who has an issue and can't find love, this video was all the reassurance I needed to know I ended that one for all the right reasons and I'm right to not want to get myself into whatever comes my way just to be with someone. Thank you Alain 🎉

Absolutely Brilliant! Best, most sensible talk I’ve ever heard on Love, relationship, romantic fantasy, honesty...bloody brilliant!

Very pleasant speaker! Some of his ideas make a lot of sense.

I couldn't really laugh at this. so much of what he was saying is so spot on to today's relationship culture.

What a beautiful artistic speech . awasome

It's hilarious when he mentions Morrissey, I looooooove it!

Amazing.

Some of this centuries greatest philosophy

I will admit to not admitting to this kind of love ever… and then I met him in middle age. Yes I have. Love before sex, all of it. I had been married for two decades and we were emotionally disconnected. Should I have stayed for financial security? The problem with going back to making “good marriages” is that human beings want to feel romantic love and if and when you do find it, you will scorch the earth to keep it. Love will never be rational.

Really fun speech on love told with a ton of charisma. Bravo brother

It's only in being your authentic self that you could be in love. That's an honest observation from Alain .B -- honest and informatively helpful.

as anonymous forward: Wow thank you so much Sir! For putting my thoughts into words!! one quick note to consider is that i disagree that our parents are the foundation for the way we react, act etc... to a person we are attracted to or tend to have a spiritual connection with, which i definitely agree with you that the foundation laid when we were children plays a major part in as selecting someone to love or have a strong connection with,, BUT i feel based on my own experience that the person who was your parental role model and most influenced role model. example as a partner or the strongest role model of what a man or a woman should be and could be in a relationship.. all i'm saying is the people you look up to growing up,,, the uncle, grandfather who ever is that role model as a father, like a father plays a major role in you choosing your partner.. not necessarily a parent... just a thought :)

This is just brilliant

Deliciously executed and presented. I laughed with delight, declared my craziness and will devote my time to the love I felt at 5 years old... Hopefully, I'll find a mature child, while I'm there.

Very insightful

This guy is a genius with an unparalleled sense of humor!

That was a fun watch. "British melancholy." Ha ha. Sounds like my marriage.

All one needs to know about romantic love. Brilliant.

That was so good!

Adult hopeful love is not just sex it’s intimacy; sex just makes that attachment bond stronger.

What great speaker❤

This is the most profound and important thing that I've needed to hear and more importantly accept 😭. I found that one person thay i could be my 💯% self with and took it for granted. Of course i lost her. Its very rare when you can show someone your skeletons in the closet and they hold your hand instead of running away. 😞

I am so happy destiny guided me to Mr. de Botton

Fantastic

Such a good speaker, thank you!

I love this guy so much 🤣

I am not watching at anyother speed than "Normal". Words make so much sense 👌

1:00:28 Before, when someone called you a nerd or said you were gay, they said something to hurt you. To make you feel below them. Now, people are proud to be nerds or gay. They shout it from the rooftops, if they have to. Maybe the term "romanticism" will change.

Such a blast to listen to!

we are all perfect as we are, but that doesnt mean, that we do not do mistakes

I would love to have him on my wedding 😍🤩

Very brilliant. I look back all those mistakes that I made to the guys I met... 😖 I could’ve done better if I saw this earlier.

'love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care but for another gives it's ease, builds heaven in hell's despair...love seeketh only self to please , to bind another to it's delight, joys in another's loss of ease, builds hell in heaven's despite' 'William Blake'

Wow Amazing ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Totally loved this!!!!!

amazing!!!!

LOVE this! I just feel the need to clarify that in the sex/relationship combo, no type of relationship is perfect. I think he meant it as a joke and never clarified it (or maybe I confused the message) but "free love", "open relationships", and "polyamory" should never be considered choices that are meant to be "better" than other types of relationships. What I mean is, people who write and talk about this types of relationships don't usually go about life thinking or saying these types of relationships are the solution to all of our love problems (if they do, then they don't really know how they work). They are just alternatives to more traditional relationships and the are NOT perfect and they suffer many of the problems other relationships have (including jealousy and they don't think necessarily think it's a byproduct of capitalism). I just really needed to say this hee.

what a guy

Love is essential

A genius indeed!!!

Amazing insightful talk

arguments are so bold but this what he needs to be able to speak large crowds

Wonderful. I learned so much about myself. 😂♥️♥️

So so agree

Brilliant. Such a good explanation

Amazing, thank you :)

1:12:30: "[Approach love] not with cynicism or pessimism..." There's no need to...us proto-Incel types are already marinated enough in it. ;) Everybody else though should aim to find maturity and fulfillment in their lives keeping in mind the wisdom Botton conveys here. Align your vision of life with Dostoyevsky's rather than the Marquis de Sade's. Blessings to everyone and good luck on your journey through life!

Amazing! ❤️

So clever, enlightening and funny!

Brilliant !