Choosing NOT to have sex with just anybody is also sexual empowerment.

I, as a man, see the retreat of women from the apps as a very good development. I really don't understand why one of the main aspects of a human lifes should be managed by a programm and their algorithms made for profit of a company. We need more third spaces, where people can meet naturally and form romantic relationships again and don't let profit oriented companies have the power and control of those spaces.

It is wild how every single dating site actively commodifies the women they depend on.

Met my girlfriend on tinder two years ago and it feels like we caught the last chopper out of Nam.

I see a lot of westerners oversimplifying the 4B movement in SKorea. It is not as widespread as Westerners seem to think it is. The reasons for gender inequality and the shrinking population in SKorea are way more complex and rooted in Confucianistic family values and gender roles, recquired military service of all men between ages 18-28, the cut throat SKorean education system that is causing kids to commit s*icide at alarming rates, the cost of education, the housing crisis in Seoul (where half the entire population of the country lives, there just aren't as many professional jobs in other cities), economic marriage cultural recquirements which young people cannot meet even if they want to get married, and the fact the apartment renting system works differently there. In the West if you're renting an apartment you pay month to month and a deposit. In SKorea you pay an unfront sum which is usually a few millions won and that takes years of savings. Then there's the fact that the work culture in East Asia overall is insane. People regularly work 12-16 hours, usually without overtime pay. So parents can't even be at home with their kids. The 4b movement isn't really that popular in SKorea. But the government decided to blame the shrinking population on "crazy extremist feminists" instead of addressing things like the economic and housing and educational issues. And then Western news agencies didn't do their due research and just quoted the SKorean government, and now everyone thinks SKorean women are all femenists refusing to have sex. And that just is NOT the case at all.

the soul of everything is destroyed when capitalism touches it, nothing can exist but the quest for money

I hope we get a return to internet dating where you're matched with people based on your profile. Like, you fill in a bunch of questions, and then here's 10 or so people who are kinda similar to you. That would be great. The current approach of presenting endless choice - of which 99,9% isn't compatible with you anyway - inevitably leads to dating fatigue. I want a dating app to make dating simpler, not more complicated. I guess that's harder to make money from

When I hear the term body count outside of the context of true crime, I feel a crushing sense of despair.

I'm not sure how Bumble came to the conclusion the hated part of Bumble was women sending the message first, not the 24 hour window to send the first message making users feel pressured.

I tried Bumble once - but there were no humans to talk to on that app - so I deleted the app and joined a band to play in. Now I see and talk to people all the time.

20:29 Damn I wish KZfaq would let us say the words that grown-ups use

Personally, the thought process behind the ads is the very reason that discourages me from using the dating apps. That very ideal of using the dating apps as a hookup site. Even if you specifically specified that you're not looking for hookups (because you find it repulsive to get it on with someone you barely even know or feel something toward), you would still somehow end up with people who expect you to put out on the very first meet up/date. If not, you're somehow guilted into feeling bad for leading them on. Even though it's not the dating site's fault, it's baffling to see Bumble showcasing the same mindset as some men who view women on dating sites as a catalogue listing of desperate and easy products, looking to get laid.

I typically spend a while between relationships. I was single for nearly five years after my previous relationship, and I remember how great I felt even though I had no sex during that time. No shade on my current relationship because it's great the majority of the time. But I really learned to love being alone during those periods, and I truly believe it's why my current relationship is going so well years in. The only thing I hated was the comments from some friends constantly congratulating me for being brave. As if I was doing a cross-country trip on my own. But people really struggle with understanding that I don't just "have a good time" with just anyone. Casual sex has never done it for me and even though it's gotten me labeled as a prude, am more than ok with that. I will say, i tried bumble after my last relationship because everyone was pressuring me to "not be alone". I left after a week because I felt incredibly shallow looking at pictures of man and a little information on their interest and saying to myself, "let me guve this one a try". I could not move past the discomfort of judging a mans potential on that alone so i never developed a curiosity for anyone that would push me to asking to meet in person.

As my mother as always said "mejor sóla que mal acompañada" better to be alone than with bad company

Aren't Dating Apps the thing people turn to because of loneliness? Making new friendships as an adult is something that feels next to impossible at times, and it's not because we necessarily lack the spaces - it's our lifestyles. I could meet people at work, but they have their own lives to get back to and chores to do when they get home, not forgetting anyone who has children they prioritise. People seek out relationships because that's the way many people have found as a way to cope with the loneliness, but at the same time, the lack of platonic friendships, and its deprioritisation in adulthood doesn't help either. Especially if you move to a big city, or move to a different country, you have no social safety net there - you have to start your social life from scratch. I know Bumble introduced their subsection for finding friendships, but does it really work? What even are the alternatives?

Second of all: I can't think of anything more ridiculous than saying "first *they* say don't be a slut. Then *they* say where did you all go?, don't stop using our dating app." *They* are two different groups of people. The group of people slut-shaming, and the group of people who started an app oriented around female-empowerment (debateably) are very different people. If they're contradicting each other it's because they're not the same group of people. When you should actually be concerned is when ONE well-defined group starts saying contradictory things

"Why pressure women into doing something they don't want to do?" That was the whole point of Bumble, to force them to write anything at all, usually "Hey", at an introduction. They always could and never wanted to.

As someone who -after several years dealing with crippling anxiety- finally feels like putting himself out there again on the dating scene... it feels like that scene in Community when Troy returns with the pizzas. I loved Bumble's main feature, more so as someone who is probably on the spectrum and is substantially better at repartee in written form... perhaps that was their biggest blind spot, their tragic hubris: They thought they were revolutionizing dating and empowering women with their white feminist crap, when they should've just sold themselves as a dating app for anxious people.

I love how she takes a simple topic like bumble then uses it as a base and goes deep in on the theory,

As a man I have always noticed this trend of women not really wanting to instigate relationships, yet older/conservative generations have always just advocated for the status quo of "Ohh just go talk to her" without much more thought to it. I have always wondered, in the absence of men instigating relationships, how demisexual and even ace most women lean towards. I think it's more than most men want to realize. I recognize I'm just a man so perhaps my opinion/perspective is not exactly warranted here, but I have definitely observed this, especially in stem fields. Theoretically, if the internalized gender norms of our societal consciousness were wiped overnight, how likely would women want to pursue men in an environment where the negative and internalized social stigmas of women pursuing men are absent? The thought that most women may very well just want to live their lives independently pursuing their own interests and getting what little kicks they want off of a magic wand is terrifying to men. I think a lot of women have come to the conclusion that men at large are very immobile in their thinking about these topics and it is an inevitability in their experience that men will subconsciously put gendered expectations on them in a relationship no matter how feminist-leaning men claim to be. For this reason, women seem to be much more comfortable with a life of celibacy and view it as a relief from all the unhealthy men/relationships holding them back, whereas men are terrified of the idea of it and have been socially conditioned to think that it is the ultimate sign of true failure in life as a man. For this reason, I've seen most men approach this topic with an alarmist fillintheblank-pill attitude taking it personally and interweaving the age-old shaming notions of "you're going to be a crazy old cat lady" and "eventually you'll need a man" when in reality these spiteful jabs come from a place of absolute terror and wanting to re-establish control over women finding their independence/power. As a man, you have two options. You can either fight it, continue to try to instigate relationships, and cling to traditional/conservative notions of gendered expectations rooted in sexual conquest equaling success in life. Or you can surrender to the void and become at peace with the single life, disassociate sexual conquest from your meaning in life, and let women choose how they want to live and be undisturbed in the pursuit of their own goals in life. No pills, no shaming, no underlying nefarious dogmatic prescriptions of ideology, just simply letting them choose how they want to live their lives.

Congrats to the Bumble marketing team, they managed to be creepier than they guys on the app. (Bad joke, but still)

Back to the drawing board. Humans are still human and need face to face interactions. We are not robots, so an app really takes all of those elements needed for attraction and reduces people to a pixel.

I genuinely appreciate how you’ve framed this as individualistic vs systemic. It really helps frame a lot of what I try to say but haven’t been able to do so correctly.

The dating app fatigue/failure is a referendum on the fatal flaw of the techoptimism so characteristic of the aughts more broadly. That is, that through apps things like social isolation could be fixed or that apps should be incorporated into all social relationships. Since no one likes dating apps, the question becomes do we even need this thing.

Lmao so glad ive never seen those bumble ads...whoever made them must be a boomer

1:50 as a gay man brought up in an insular sect, I can see that bumble was trying to do something important having women be the first to reach out, But this correction barely skims the surface of the social conditioning women have been trained into. They still expect a man who takes the lead, plans and pays for dates, & who "chases". But while any partner who makes more money than the other should take up the paying role when necessary, it's important that men not take up this "chaser" role, and women need to understand how awkward (& consequently creepy) the early stages of asking people out goes. Some men never learn. I've been stalked by women and assaulted by men, but even I think that women and men need to meet each other in the middle, walk in each other's shoes, and switch roles often enough to get an understanding of what are healthy expectations and non-toxic behaviors.

"Moralising tendencies in social movements. Is it productive?" I'm taking this as another reminder to touch grass, stop fixating on gate-keepy leftist in-fighting on socials, and do productive organising instead. Thanks comrade. Another dope video, as always.

My english teacher recommened you to my class, and I really find myself enjoying your videos, you are a very well spoken person

The reaction towards relationships lacks an anticapitalist perspective. You don't achieve anything if you just refuse hetero relationships but reproduce the same cultural norms with people of the same gender as yours. If heterocapitalism is understood as a political regime, you can be as "gay" as you want, and for the system you are the same as any hetero couple: consume, marry, procreate (by acquiring a womb or sperm) and produce the Family, the same thing that along with Private Property and the State, Engels criticized 150 years ago. BTW, for those who speak spanish I recommend Leonor Silvestri's work. You can find her classes recorded here.

Alice, I'm a male from Brasil and I'd like to praise you and your work. Not only you bring a lot of essential reflexions to the table of political and socioeconomic discussion, you do it in a very didactical way. I love your content and I learn so much from it! Thank you for existing and doing what you do! Hugs from South America!!!

“I go on the apps to get a self esteem boost” said no man ever. This privilege is exclusive to women.

A point on the roots of feminism and actually dismantling partiarchy. This comment might sound misogynistic but I assure you it’s not: how can we build a truly equal society, tear down patriarchy, when cases like South Korea where emotional political movements and figures can appeal and radicalise a mass of men against feminism. I don’t see how our current political systems can become resilient to this, and it feels like women have a modicum of liberation nowadays because men allow it (by not violently opposing it). Happy to chat on this

very informative video. Maybe part of sexual empowerment is liberation from feeling less than because you have too much sex or not enough sex. In that lens, incels/femcels and promiscuous people are being crushed by the same boot of societal expectation.

I think the backlash also reveals the hubristic bossiness of advertisers. The goal of advertisers is to become master of our souls, and they reveal this cocky mentality when they go beyond telling us what shoes to wear to commanding our dating lives.

I absolutely love that women are taking over the power over apps which essentially commodify sexual relations. I will say though, just as a demisexual (a different point of view), why is being celibate so ground breaking? Are allosexuals really THAT horny? How is not having sex so powerful? Seriously? Do people really have a need/crave for sex? Fascinating.

Alice, I think hetero men are sitting there asking, "What about me", "Why can't I succeed in this world", and those frustrations are legitimate things that need to be addressed without an accusatory tone, judgement, or telling them to suck it up. Also, Korea has a huge sexual violence problem that is rarely talked about, so it's awesome to see feminism make it into pop culture there.

Bumble had to change their women-message-first policy because women found it too stressful and often didn't know how to initiate. Like, yeah. Men have known that for quite some time. Women are still the ones who are making the choices, men just get what we can. That's why, for example, the nightclubs want to be attractive to women so men follow. That's because everyone is still following patriarchal gender roles. Bumble tried to challenge one aspect of those gender roles - that men must initiate - and women didn't like it.

I think we need to do more work in investigation the idea of men being sexual actors seeking out women and women being passive objects of desire and particularly how our understanding of heterosexuality and our cultural institutions seemingly refuse to interrogate this. I find, for myself as a guy, that it feels like I have to be the one initiating everything whether I want to or not because I'll never be with anyone unless I don't. I imagine there are plenty of reasons why women don't approach that aren't based in sexual attraction, but I don't really know the reasons all that well. My ideal, for now, is that anyone should be able to approach anyone, and that the person being approached should be able to say no. What I mean by this is that women could approach men or men could approach men or anything else and it's fine. I guess my biggest annoyance with guy-girl dating is the fact that guys are placed into the leader role and girls are placed into the follower role pretty much regardless of whether is suits them or not. I obviously placed this discussion within a giant binary, and I think there's something to be said about how the erotic standard is one person leads and the other follows. I'm sure there are other ways of doing relationships. Point and case, sexual liberation is not really about having more sex, but finding the ways in which sex and courting are intertwined with patriarchy and exploring other options.

I think Alice is right on point. My problem with the anti sexual revolution crowd is not that they dislike hook-up culture but they see chastity and 'saving' yourself for marriage as the opposite of hook up culture when often it has the same motivations. They hold on to their virginity to sell it (covered by a spiritual cope) and then criticise Only Fans. They say people are obsessed by the status of notch count but they are equally obsessed by notch count just in the opposite direction and still a life choice driven by status concerns.

Political lesbianism doesn't work, because you can't manifest your sexuality. Celibacy however is a different topic.

I once tried dating on bumble, as a guy, this was the most...average app ever? Like I really got it for the “Women initiate convo since women empowerment” stuff because I'm mostly awkward and was tired of tinder, but like...people ghost a lot on this app, LIKE A LOT!!! (Maybe its just my place but yeah)

Separatism always devolves into culty purity politics. It's a space where the leaders define the righteous path, alienating followers from the broader society and it also sheilds the broader culture from the those most critical who are happy to leave, black hats for all involved

I love how you describe that if activism turns to a morality choice that movement has already lost. I see this behaviour in many segments of more left leaning topics not only feminism. There is alot of "morality bashing" on the left and it only serves to the benefit of the right

For me, the current trend of right men has just led to me being repulsive to them so that they leave me alone irl. "Drop her immediately if she has hairy legs"? Fine, I'll drop the rasor. Less profit to men too. But I am aware that when I'll start working again (I'm a grad student), I will probably have to shave in order to keep my job. I wouldn't get fired for that explicitly, but there are ways. Patriarchy.

I mean not surprised they struggle. app is worse than tinder and tinder is baaad like really bad.

I think Samantha Jones from Sex and the City is a good example of a genuinely sexual liberated individual. Yes, she probably did get an ego boost from the men she managed to seduce but I don't think it's why she pursued sex. Nor was she out for social status points (she was already pretty high up on the ladder regardless). She merely enjoyed sex, was open to experimentation and with the consent of equally willing partners - was participating in a lifestyle that very much rejected the entire structure of purity culture. She never perceived herself as doing anything morally reprehensible. In fact when she caught her friends like Carrie silently judging her for her decisions, she called them out on their purity bs.

A better slogan for Bumble would’ve been “women come first”

why are you french

as former user of bumble, I always ended up deleting the app within few days because in spite of the many likes or matches i received, the texts had no answer and until this point I think that people (mostly men) are there for validation on there looks or how desirable they want to feel. on the other side, for me feels humillating being ´hanged on' on waiting the answer on the next 24hrs or the conversations are the most mundane (since you cannot create intimacy through text in few days) and people just don't show interest to give follow app. The experience as a whole feels deshumanizing, of course, myself have become a commodity; picture like this: you are walking in a see of people, bumping into them, staring, but no one stops to make a conversation with you. Maybe people nowadays are just looking for a rush of emotions, to feed their ego and expectations, but in reality will be different.

That's what makes capitalism so insidious. No sooner do you think you're making progress on one issue or another then a company takes over and finds a way to make riches off it for the white men who run the company. I know that's been an issue for Juneteenth things here in the States. Great video as always, Alice! 🙂

First of all: I strongly agree with the anti-celibacy ads message. I think it's ridiculous to pretend that sex and dating isn't an innate part of our nature. People choose Celibacy for bad reasons. I think the best way to get across what I'm getting at here is making a comparison between celibacy and introversion. Introversion is maybe an actual personality trait, or a result of a neuro-atypicality like autism, but in a society that makes it hard to have community and easy to isolate alone in your bedroom on your phone, introversion becomes a way of internalizing your own alienation. A way of saying "I'm actually alone because I want to be alone. I don't want community. I don't want friends. I just really value my alone time...24/7, on the internet." Similarly, to me, celibacy has become a logic of acceptance for our terrible dating status quo. We say stupid shit like "I just need some time to find myself" either as a way of keeping people we're not attracted to away from us, or as a cope for why we're not trying harder not to be alone. The truth is that dating is hard, and some people just give up. But this is just as pathetic as giving up on anything else in life you care about. You shouldn't give up on being happy and convince yourself you never wanted a partner in the first place

This channel is so good at sounding so biased until the last 5 minutes where everything comes back super balanced.

Honestly, I am exhausted. personally, I just do whatever makes me happy, I think I am ace, at least somewhere in the spectrum, but I do not shame women who participate in hook up culture. However, I do enjoy having these conversations with other women in my life, because not everyone understands how wanting to be 'free' can be actually worse for us. I often think that, thanks to the misogynist culture, we have more to lose if we engage in heterosexual relationships. I know it is impossible to escape gender norms 100%, I try my best, but I also do not think the responsibility should be placed on women only, we need to held men (and society in general) accountable. In that way, we can have healthy and meaningful relationships, separatism cannot be the only solution. Amazing video as always, greetings from Peru:)

Now, the issue with Wittig's novel is, perhaps unintentionally, the exact same issue with classical Marxism: it's utopian. It is not possible for women to live without men for any longer than one generation (for obvious biological reasons) and it is not possible to have a classless _modern_ society with communal ownership of all necessities because of human psychology, a topic which Marx tries his best to denegrade or outright avoid. Maybe it could work in a group of 10 people, but even then it seems utopian. What is needed is a _realistic_ response to realm problems and not impractical ideological impositions.

I know this is a regular part of your research and video production, but thank you for always showing and citing the texts you refer to -- as someone relatively new to feminist theory, it's good to have a contemporary reading list for these things. Plus my university has some of Firestone's work, so yay free access

"with the advent of birth control" hormonal contraception is merely one form of birth control

I’m always impressed by your content. You decompose topics so well, you articulate your analysis and ideas brilliantly. Viewing your content is always such a delight.

I was so lucky because those 60s hippie girls were just hitting their 30s when I was in my 20s they were all feminist all sain people were they were Yoga teachers, Modern Dancers, Co-op mangers, artists, musicians, Earthmother Gardeners/massage therapists on their book shelves were The Whole Earth Catalogue the Tao Te Ching, the i-Ching, Diet for a Small Planet, Tom Robbins, Mary Daly, Our Bodies our Selves, the Joy of Sex, Shar Hite's The Hite Report on female orgasm. These women weren't part of that materialistic Disco scene. They were what was most fascinating about the late 70s and 80s. I'm 65 now and can't imagine what the equivalent of that counter culture would be today.

I’m genuinely curious. As a guy who went through a glow-up in college and became one of those guys that makes women hate dating apps (endless situationships, ghosting, etc.) and I will say I’m not proud of my contribution to the current state of dating, I still find it really strange how it seems that many people don’t realize the issue here. I want anyone to tell me why this is wrong but what I see is that few men with very little self-control or maturity that women find very physically attractive end up having so many options, to the point where it was super common for me to literally have 5-6 female partners at a time that I would sort of cycle between. And my friends were doing the same thing to different extents. Some of our less genetically fortunate friends were not getting that same kind of attention at all, like lucky to get a match every few weeks. It feels like women honestly are all dating or sleeping with the same men and some don’t know about it. Like I’ve met guys I didn’t know before and we talk about dating and find out we slept with the same like two girls Edit 1: Im adding in numbers to my edits because these thoughts are continuously developing and I may have more later. I think that a lot of people currently caught-up in hookup culture are there unwillingly, and I think that this is the fundamental problem. There is too much pressure on people who really want a relationship and not just a hook-up to hook-up, even without input from their partner. Why? Because casual sex is perceived to be so easy to get nowadays, especially as we think about the people we find hot like "dang she, he, or they must be able to hook-up with anyone they're so hot" that there's this pressure that if you don't hook-up, someone else will, and then they will lose interest in you. Okay I don't know how any of these things tie together I am just sort of listing different issues I see in modern dating. That being said here goes the next issue. The lack of community reallllllyyyyy enables the bad actors in modern dating. The reason why I and my friends were able to have so many girls we were sleeping with at a time who were not aware of each other is because we met them off of dating apps or instagram. These girls had no way of knowing each other because dating apps and social media gave us the ability to connect with people we never would have naturally connected with. The atomization of society makes it really really easy to take advantage of, use, and discard people with almost zero social cost to pay. If one of the girls I was talking to started asking me for more commitment, I simply just ghosted, she probably lived 5 miles away from campus anyway and I wasnt going to see her, nor was anyone that I knew going to see her. So basically I was only an asshole in her head but that was okay because she was getting ghosted anyways. Again, not proud of any of this, but I think that ghosting is a large part of dating fatigue and a huge part of the function of community is that it regulates and enforces the rules of intimate partnerships or connections. For example: It's way easier to cheat if you and your partner have no mutual friends that would recognize you chatting up that one hot person at the bar. Okay I might think of some more stuff later

i got a bumble ad before this video played

Love your content. However, I reject the dichotomy you present between hookup culture and purity culture. While purity culture certainly exists, I think the predominant paradigm is monogamy culture. I personally feel like there’s a strong connection between my D and my heart. And I think many other men feel this way too. Certainly, a lot of women do. So, rejecting promiscuity (for lack of a better word) isn’t necessarily buying into some normative patriarchal structure. I think it is primarily people recognizing their natural inclination to connect sex and love. Of course, there’s a spectrum, and not everyone feels this way. But I think most people do.

It’s impossible to have large scale change without also having individual change. People who are able are absolutely responsible for making poor moral choices. You can’t recycle your way out of climate change, but you also can’t legislate your way out of it if individual behaviors & attitudes don’t change.

I wonder if we are just exchanging one thing or another? Why not just have a place where we can choose what works best for us? If someone believes in soul ties and wants a low body count then that should be okay without that person being criticized. There's pros and cons to both imo. I'm not religious at all but I definitely don't like feeling like a number on a roster. Before BC I also believed there was a non political,biological incentive for not having sex with someone as well.

What exactly do you mean at 12:58 with the statement "[...] giving up heterosexuality."? Even after rewatching that segment several times, I still don't understand the point you (or the author you were citing) were trying to make, as you obviously can't "give up" your sexuality, because sexuality is not anyone's choice.

I loved this video, and I found it quite interesting to delve deeper into the feminist perspective on these kinds of issues since the sexual revolution of the '70s. As a man, I can clearly see the commodification of women on these types of apps, and how, if a man can't stand out, it will lead him into a cycle of self-loathing and depression as time passes and he doesn't get any likes.

Love the " the same way you should boycott Isr..oops" 😂

Anything commodified.. well... becomes commodified... No app is "feminist" no such thing as "green capitalism" no product is "consumer friendly". There are degrees of course. But the incentive of revenue is the goal, even if there are real good intentions in the begining.

07:15 One might argue that we're not focusing enough on poverty, but suggesting that the right criticizes feminism merely to divert attention is misleading. Instead of tackling conservative arguments head-on, there's a tendency to label figures like Peterson and Shapiro as part of a vast conspiracy, which seems far-fetched. I say this because I miss seeing nuanced perspectives from the left on KZfaq that genuinely engage with the right's complaints, and vice versa. Additionally, the right's viewpoints currently resonate with a significant number of people, particularly men. This is concerning if the right is indeed wrong, and it's up to the left to persuade people otherwise.

Im a man who’s been celebate for 8 years. Ive been anti capitalist for longer that that. I feel pretty free from patriarchy. Ive recently started dating again, and I tried bumble first. It feels pretty rooted in patriarchal norms. I feel a little cursed that the women who are most enlightened, are the hardest to find. It’s a bit of a trap that Ive fallen into. Celebacy was a really positive life decidion for me that changed my perspective and I admire that freedom of thought in others. However, that quality also makes me unlikely to meet them socially.

It amazes me that dating apps don’t realize that a large part of the reason why people leave is because you need to pay monthly subscriptions to actually have a functional app

Citing yourself like a true thinker. I would like to do the same

I personally like dating and dating apps, it get’s exhausting after a while so I take a break on it regularly, but I also come back to it, because it’s fun. I should mention that I am polyamorous, so I am not searching for “the one” and there is not really a reason for me to quit dating apps altogether, even when I am already in a loving and committed relationship. But from my experience it is possible to find meaningful connection and have valuable experiences through dating via dating apps.

In eastern Europe, moving west was seen as a ticket to paradise in the early 2000s. By the time I finished high-school, the economy shifted and I missed that train - now it's average both here and there. Feels the same with this. I'm a socially inept dude who got to 23 without any experience in dating or hookups. I finally got my shit together mentally, only to see that everyone has had their fill and their fun and their suffering and they're now over that stage. And so I missed another train. I'm probably not looking in the right places, but life just feels like a bunch of missed trains and a lot of preparation for something that always has a deadline shorter than the time it takes me to prepare for it.

6:26 wait I thought women used beauty products for themselves and not for men? So what are they "not putting in effort" for?

[LONG] I feel like there's a class aspect to this that I haven't seen being sufficiently touched upon. I was inspired by "Right Wing Women" by Andrea Dworkin and "Why Women Have Better Sex Under Socialism" by Kristen Ghodsee. I think the sexual revolution was a bourgeois revolution, historically progressive against sexual feudalism so to speak, but nevertheless the origin of our social problems, alongside the economics causes of course. The sexual revolution was a bourgeois revolution in the sense that it freed women's bodies from the constraints of wife and mother for life, but also opened them to the "sexual marketplace", no longer were they seen as docile meek servants (children, essentially) but rather as a walking pair of buttcheeks, to be exchanged among less socially high ranking men rather than couryed and locked, which is far more dehumanizing in my opinion. Now, we need a sexual socialist revolution (accompanied by a regular socialist revolution of course), one that overcomes woman as commodity, hell, sex itself as commodity, as conquest, as status symbol and simply as just an intimate act people do that ends then and there. Sex personally is something i enjoy but like i dont HAVE to have sex. My body count is 2 and should the chance show itself, fine, should it not, fine too. I understand not everyone shares my... not even libido cuz that's kinda high, its more what i do about it, which is not let it inform my entire personality and politics. Aside from the abvious (patriarchy is the opioid of the masses) i think the main reason young cis men are shifting further and further right is cuz they're just not taught to stop thinking with their dicks and start with their brains. Like sex is cool and all but it's not that big a deal! Stop letting it define you!! Overcome bourgeois sexualisation!!!

The good thing about depression is that my sex drive is practically inexistent

Lysistrata’s revolution continues!

Is the reduction to the opposite poles of free-sex and purity culture maybe a bit *too* reductive, especially towards such extremes? I'm seeing growing reactions to hookup culture that recommend reserving sex for those you have a genuine emotional connection to. Not necessarily implying commitment to marriage with (now or in the near-future), but making intimate physical acts a consequence only of intimate emotional concordance.

Bumble used to laugh at how women getting a turn with the same guys was empowering

my goodness your channel is a breathe of fresh air in the youtube cesspool

Everithing + capitalism does not equal what you where hoping for 😂

Social norms can't guide one's actions if one chooses to reject them and supplant them with one's own guiding philosophy of how a respectable person navigates society. We all know these expectations are unjust, arbitrary, and archaic, so there's no reason to respect them by letting them guide our behavior.

As someone who meets and has fun with people in person, it baffled me how these apps just sideline and ignore normal people while promoting the attractive ones who get swiped. When real life is easier to meet people than online dating apps, you know their business and purpose is flawed. They promote one night stands despite acting like they want to make an app you “delete” after finding a partner

wowww Alice, this was an especially good one. When you started explaining the concept of transgression, many of my own misplaced feelings of shame fell into place. Thankyou for your well informed and always nuanced video's!!

I think it's interesting that celibacy has been part of feminist and women's liberation movements since the dawn of time. I think it can be a very useful tool to achieve change in society as long as it doesn't start to involve morality. Sex should not be a moral issue, but it is, and that's the problem.

(Cue that Bumble India ad where two cute guys meet) I see that ad and feel like throwing chocolates at the screen and yell “LIAR!”

I have to wonder if Bumble is just normalising the worst aspect of dating sites that creates incels where you have a large number of men who don’t have any way of standing out apart from their looks and a short bio.

Bumble app story is so funny because girls don't use them because of ghosting, time consumptipon and its lowering their self-esteem (men have this all the time btw.). For a feminist app it gives a lot of power to men, I love it. :D

11:48 this is gaslighting as its finest

I recommend every man and woman to read Bell Hooks' book The Will to Change: Men Masculinity, and Love. It profoundly moved me, as a man. Because among all these, in my view, anti-men voices in the name of feminism, there are still intelligent feminist thinkers that believe the solution to the damaging nature of patriarchy, is to be found by women and men together. Ane men are also the victims of patriarchy. Unfortunately, most movements in human history, tend to morph into entirely something else and are hijacked by the human ego.

French pronunciation of indian names is so cute and funny at the same time

The video is so good I have to pause it every few seconds to think 💙

God I wish I could sit with Alice and pick her brain about all this. We need to protect her!

19:06 female rappers are also needing women to fail to have success. They say certain thinga in interviews but lyrics in thier songs always go against what they said...

On a more trite note, the “apps” are such a waste of time. Every conversation becomes the same, dry blather. This video is far more interesting than that observation, but it’s worth mentioning.

I cheer on those women who participate in hook up culture because it serves THEIR desires, but I also want to say that I think it can be hard as a leftist to personally be more on the side of celibacy or low body count, whatever, and not be viewed conservative because of that. So I definitely support women who decide to not partake in hook up culture even though they seem "less cool" because of that.

Abstinence is power.

I go on the apps here and there, then I delete them. I mostly find now people aren't actually looking for partners, they're looking for company, a distraction. Tell me why a guy was talking to me consistently for 2 months knowing he could be moving across the country for a promotion at any time.

I've never felt more fortunate to be asexual and, consequently, happily celibate. ❤

Great video, and a special thanks for addressing the individualistic moralization of activism. The idea that there is one right morality and all others are wrong, that this then takes away the blame from those who caused the problem ( the societal structures) and puts it to the individual, alianating them in the process