One time, I accidentally stepped on my friend's mother's foot while I was wearing boots and she screamed, "GOD BLESS AMERICA" instead of cursing and to this day, that is one of the best alternative curses I've heard.

I have one friend who is really a spitfire, she likes to use Tim Hawkins Cristian cuss words. A guy bumped into her and knocked her over recently and instead of cussing at him she yelled "WHAT THE BLEEP!! WATCH IT YOU SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!! " I could hardly contain my laughter when the guy turned around and said, " oh! You like Tim Hawkins too!" And he walked away.

Does anyone else think it's even more funny when he laughs at his own jokes? LOL

Having grown up Baptist, "Son of a Baptist Preacher" got me. XD

After being in labor for 29 hours I let out a “good gravy!” And everyone in the room started cracking up.

"Jeepers" - Scooby Doo anyone? We were already being taught alternate cuss words in childhood shows.

you can really hear the country boy come out when he says " H E double hockey sticks"

When my daughter was having her fractured arm set she kept saying things like “fart nuggets” and “cheesy pizza” and I swear I have never gotten so many strange looks from a doctor.

We also have "nincompoop," "what in tarnation?" and my friend made the word "conflabbit."

"Who's got the crapola?? I need it to color my tree trunk!" Hahaha!!! 😂😂😂

I asked my friend how to stop cussing, and she sent me the link to this video...I regret nothing

I remember returning as an adult to my childhood church one Christmas, and I was standing towards the back of the sanctuary near by the table where they collected the christmas cards to exchange, and one of the sweet little old ladies that was just as sweet and little and old as I remembered her, came into the sanctuary took one look at the christmas cards, opened her mouth and I could not believe the words that came out of her mouth... "Ah Cranberries" ... I stifled both a laugh, and a shocked expression.

The first goats were motherless.

"Son of a motherless goat" 😂

I was at Chick-fil-A with my mom, and someone zoomed passed her. She yelled “you actually have a stop sign DILWEED I say that all the time now. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

I’m eating Mac-n-cheese while watching this and I almost had to clean my screen a second time.

My one friend, when he is angry; while he never cusses, he lets everyone know. He screams "*PROFANITY*" at the top of his lungs. Makes everyone laugh so hard.

I've been trying to work on not cussing, so now when I get cut off in traffic I just yell out, "BLESS YOU!"

I don't know why I find the "Pat Sajak" one so funny. I've heard people use "Bob Saget" the inflection makes it really sound like a cuss word. But the "Pat Sajak?" LOL

When my husband is really angry: *"Son of a bean-dip, mother-FRITO."*

I know someone who literally says "bad word" every time she wants to cuss.

"Stop taking my crapola!"

My friend, brother, and I scream "AW TOOT" every time we see each other.😂

I love how he uses a NY accent when he says "hey who's got the crapola over here?" lol

They should have had cottonheadedninnymuggins

For some reason he reminds me of Robin Williams

Was in the hospital having an outpatient procedure done, no anesthesia, in a triage area. There were curtained cubicles, no walls, knowing there were children there, I was trying very hard not to curse, what flew out of my mouth caused a wave of giggles, and I cannot live it down to this day..."Holy Banana Peels!"

Still one of my favorite bits. There actually is such a thing as a crud muffin, made with leftover ice cream, chocolate chips, marshmallows, and other sweet remnants you have laying around. I think I'll make some. Thanks for the idea.

So....why isn't he more popular? You don't need to be all sexual and explicit to be funny! This guy is proof!

I watched this while working in the kitchen..... my 10 year old son found me keeled over, wheezing with tears streaming from my eyes. He thought I was upset! I haven't laughed this hard in years. My stomach muscles are sore!😆🤣😆🤣

A friend uses "turdbug" and "turdbucket" interchangeably. I closed a sharp folding knife on my thumb and started to shout something, but redirected when I realized my 12yo daughter was right there, and ended up shouting "SON OF A SEABISCUIT".

Who’s at the door daddy, oh some fartknocker tell him to go away😂

What happens when the son of a biscuit meets the son of a biscuit eater?

I lost it at fartknocker 😂😂😂

Couple things.... I love how Tim gets a kick out of himself and ALSO TIM DOESNT GET ENOUGH CREDIT FOR HIS VOICES!!!!!!!!!

I work with children and one day I walked into a table and just yelled out: potato skins!!! Its the first thing that came into my head

He forgot “Go forth and multiply!

I want a ringtone of Hawkins saying toot so whenever someone I don't like texts me it's like, "aweeee toot!"

Once i got made at someone and just yelled "FOR THE LOVE OF VEGGIETALES" at them

Don't forget the Southern swear that everyone knows is a swear but is always rendered with a smile: Bless your heart!

😂😂😂 we love this guy!!!! He is even funnier in person we laughed so hard it was hard to breathe!!! Thank God for Tim Hawkins Clean Christian Comedy🤗🤗🤗

I laughed so hard at these, I scared my dogs! They're looking at me like "What the Bob Barker is going on? Shut the front door!"

Nobody: The women in the front who's never heard a joke: HAHAHAHA

My dear sweet Mom didn’t cuss/curse, but she would say “God bless a milk cow” or “Fudge!” or “Dagnabit!” or “Shoot fire and save matches” 🤣

No matter how many times I watch this, I can't stop laughing 😂

"shut the front door!" 'okay.' "I didn't even know it was open!" #bestoneyet

When my friend, who is a pastor, gets upset she says “pooty squabbles!”

Where is “elderberry”? As in, “your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries?”

The one I used the most is, “WHAT IN THE HOLY JEHOVAH’S WITNESS!”

Going to memorize these just so I can use them when I drive 😂

Tim Hawkins is very funny, I met Him once after one of his comedy shows. It was awesome.

You said "great googly-moogly" with a spot on George Carlin inflection, and I watched Robin Williams possess your soul when you said "Heavens to Betsy"... I'm dyin'!

"Fartknocker!" Bad time to take a bite of my apple!

Tim is just the best. They say that there are actors who are triple threats, they can sing, dance and act. Well, Tim is a quadruple threat, he can sing, he can dance, he can act, and he can laugh at himself while he does it. Thanks, Tim.

He actually reminds me of Robin Williams with his quick wit and love of his craft

"Well, dat burn it, paw!" .....Hoss Cartwright from Bonanza.

Not gonna lie, most of these are in my vocabulary! (I totally grew up in the church)

Where did you guys put my crapola crayon?! I seriously needed that to color my tooting picture. Nice one you crud muffins. XD

I made a few myself: “Great clouds!” “Oh, for the love of mice!” “Holy cat!” “You little rat!” (I also use weasel) and my favorite from 6th grade: “That guy is such a Wexler.”

My grandmother says, "Oh fig leaves!" ☺💕

As a born again Christian who's trying to defeat the cursing demon this video really comes in handy. I know I can stop cursing, I just need to increase my vocabulary!!!

I have watched this over a dozen times, and it never gets old - LOL! This guy is hilarious.

My favorite Christian swear word as a kid was, "crud diddly moo moo" . Ahh, those were the good ol' days.

Imagine just using expletive *falls down the stairs* OH EXPLETIVE

BOLSHEVIK! ... that was close.... *cracks up laughing*

i used to tell my brother “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR” all the time when i was mad at him. my parents dont like it lets just say ive gotten grounded a lot in the past....

"Tall glass of milk and a crud muffin, ain't no better way to start the day!"

Blessings! I am writing for myself and the young man I work with (special needs). David my client came to see you in Edmonton and was allowed to meet you (thx for gas money offer, he made it home😁) Thank you on his behalf for the meet and greet. He mentioned watching you on Facebook , although this is true he also watches you on DVD as he owns most of your collection. In the last 500 or so weeks your name or your jokes have come up at least 500 times. Thank you for enriching our lives with your wacky sense of humor and ministry.😁✌️

son of a motherless goat, I'm dead 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😋😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

This is the cleanest try not to laugh video I’ve ever seen!! And the most helpful!!😂👍🏼🙏🏼

I love starting my day with a good ol’ crud muffin and some orange juice

Confederate generals seem to work, too. For example, "What in the Sam Hill is going on in here?"

“Kiss my grits” Me: dead lol

You forgot one(from the elf movie) “I’m a cotton-headed ninny muggins “

"Son of a motherless goat" gets me every time! I am still waiting for the perfect situation to say that to someone. As a Christian, I have been using alternative cuss words for over 45 years. My current go-to is "Poop on a Stick!"

My favorite was "Shut the front door."

Your forgot the Mormon favorite. "Cheese and rice! " lol

You and John Crist are my replacements for Jim Carey and Robin Williams. Love you guys.

This made me laugh so hard i started crying. Why isnt this guy more popular he is funnier than some comedians nowadays

My dad recently started saying, “What the bleep,” and I don’t know where he picked it up.

Always loved this clip

Jumping Johosaphat. *Jumps* calm down Johosaphat, both feet on the ground J-ho, J-ho. Deep breath J-ho. The best part😂😂😂😂

Am I the only one who is laughing so hard but trying not to make any noise so people don't ask why I'm on the floor laughing? Just me? Ok

One of his best routines. Never fail to laugh when I watch it.

I was having such a tooty day. Now I'm laughing so hard I am crying.

Fart Knocker is always gonna be my favorite :)

Holy flippin-flip-flop. I haven't laughed this hard in so long. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I used to hear "geezum crow!" and "G's and H's!" I have a friend that says "what the fudge!" I remember Rocket J. Squirrel's "Hokey Smokes" and Robin the Boy Wonder, who said "Holy" followed by words related to the situation (Holy plot twist, Batman!)

Another one to add to the list: Shia LaBeouf.

Or my favorites, which I use at work: "bad word" and "son of a bad word." (Sixth grade teacher.) "Son of a bad word" is especially helpful when you drop something on your foot. Often accompanied by a long and drawn-out "Shhhhhhheboygan!" or possibly "shhhhhhhhhhhipyard!!!"

Tim Hawkins has been apart of my childhood, so whenever I go back, and rewatch the videos, it makes me smile. All I have to say about it is thank you for being apart of my childhood.

I've been trying not to curse anymore. I'll have to remember these.

Here’s a couple more: Son of a nutter butter Son of a preacher man

SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT THE WIFI'S OUT!

I don't even call myself a Christian, and I LOVE Tim Hawkins! 😁😆🤣

My personal favorite: "Ah, nut bunnies!"

But you missed my favorite- “Oh fudge!” I also use “Sugar!” I’m a candy maker by trade though so... 🤗 Might have picked these up from Chef.

I do use these, much to the shock of my very vulgar co-workers.

"Bleep" got me and I thoroughly enjoyed this segment lol!

3:01 Did anyone else hear a guy yell WAAHOOO in the background after he said, “son of a motherless goat!”?